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LIBRARY 
UNIVERSITY  OF  CALIFORNIA. 

Class      ^n 


LATER    STUART    TRACTS 


^AN    ENGLISH    G^RNEI^ 


LATER 
STUART    TRACTS 

WITH    AN    INTRODUCTION    BY 
GEORGE    A.    AITKEN 


? 


NEW    YORK 
E.    P.    BUTTON    AND    CO. 


^¥^' 


Edinburgh  :  Printed  by  T.  and  A.  Constable. 


NOTE 

It  would  be  incompatible  with  the  plan  of  this  new  edition 
of  my  friend  Professor  Arber's  valuable  English  Garner  to 
interfere  in  any  way  with  his  labours,  beyond  classifying  the 
pieces  contained  in  the  collection  in  such  a  manner  as  to 
illustrate  more  fully  the  various  topics  on  which  they  throw 
so  much  light.  I  have  therefore  contented  myself  with 
contributing  to  this  volume  an  explanatory  Introduction, 
leaving  the  text  and  the  brief  notes  of  the  original  edition 
as  I  found  them.  The  only  exception  is  the  addition  of  the 
interesting  Preface  to  the  Eighth  Volume  of  Defoe's  'Review,' 
which  completes  the  series,  and  has  never  before  been  re- 
printed. 

G.  A.  A. 


tP/ 


CONTENTS 


Introducti 


Sir  William  Petty- 
Political  Arithmetic  (1690),      .....  I 

Daniel  Defoe — 

^^^An  Appeal  to  Honour  and  Justice  (171 5),      ...  67 

The  True-Born  Englishman  ( 1 701),  ....  109 
The  History  of  the  Kentish  Petition  (1701),  .  •         iS5 

Legion's  Memorial  (1701),       .....         I79 

— ^  The  Shortest  Way  with  the  Dissenters  (1702),  .  .         187 

A  Hymn  to  the  Pillory  (1703),  .  .  •  .205 

The /?^t/zVw  (Prefaces  and  Extracts)  (1704-12},  .  .         221 

Papers  from  the /^^z/Z^w  (1704),  ....         267 

The  Revolution  of  1688  (1710),  .  .  .  .275 

The  Education  of  Women  (1697),       .  .  .  .281 

John  Arbuthnot — 

Law  is  a  Bottomless  Pit  (1712),  .  .  .  .285 

John  Bull  in  his  Senses  (1712),  .  .  .  .305 

John  Bull  still  in  his  Senses  (1712),    .  .  .  .325 

An  Appendix  to  John  Bull  still  in  his  Senses  (1712),  .        359 

Lewis  Baboon  turned  honest,  and  John  Bull  politician  ( 1 7 1 2),       373 


INTRODUCTION 

Under  the  later  Stuarts  the  newspaper  press  was  in  its 
infancy,  and  men  who  wished  to  influence  public  opinion 
on  a  question  of  the  day  usually  published  a  pamphlet, 
which  was  read  and  discussed  in  coffee-houses,  and  was 
frequently  answered  by  one  or  more  pieces  of  the  same 
nature.  During  the  Civil  War  there  were,  indeed,  various 
'  Mercuries,'  which  during  their  usually  brief  existence  gave 
their  readers  items  of  news,  together  with  animadversions 
upon  the  opposite  party,  but  most  of  the  controversy  was 
carried  on  by  means  of  isolated  pamphlets. 

After  the  Restoration  the  newspaper  gradually  grew  in 
importance,  but  pamphlets  remained  the  favourite  medium 
for  political  controversy  for  more  than  half  a  century.  Sir 
Roger  L'Estrange,  a  prolific  pamphleteer,  started,  in  1663, 
two  weekly  papers,  the  News  and  \.\\q.  Intelligencer,  'pub- 
lished for  the  satisfaction  and  information  of  the  people.' 
These  papers,  written  in  defence  of  the  Government,  gave 
place  in  1665  to  the  Oxford  Gazette,  which  became  the 
London  Gazette  in  the  following  year,  on  the  return  of  the 
Court  to  town  after  the  plague.  The  Gazette,  however, 
contained  little  but  paragraphs  of  news,  official  notices,  and 
the  like,  and  when  men's  minds  were  agitated  by  the  Popish 
Plot  in  1679-80,  a  host  of  pamphlets  appeared  on  either  side. 
At  the  same  time  L'Estrange  brought  out  controversial 
periodicals,  Hcraclitus  Ridens,  'a  discourse  between  jest  and 


viii  Later  Stuart  Tracts 

earnest,  in  opposition  to  all  libellers  against  the  Government,' 
and  the  Observator,  which  lasted  for  six  years. 

Party  politics,  questions  of  church  government,  economic 
problems,  literary  quarrels — everything  in  which  men  were 
interested,  formed  the  subject  of  pamphlets.  Many  of  these 
pieces  were,  of  course,  by  forgotten  scribblers,  for  the  cost 
of  production  was  slight ;  but  they  were  also  the  means  by 
which  men  like  Marvell  and  Baxter  made  their  views 
known  to  their  contemporaries.  In  fact,  the  pamphlet 
fulfilled  the  purpose  now  served  by  a  leading  article  in  the 
Spectator  or  other  influential  paper,  or  by  a  letter  from  a 
public  man  in  the  Times.  Sometimes  the  pamphlet  was  in 
verse,  like  Dryden's  Medal  or  The  Hind  and  the  Panther, 
or  (on  the  other  side)  Shadwell's  Medal  of  John  Bayes. 

In  1695,  the  year  after  the  final  disappearance  of  the 
system  of  press  licensing,  rival  newspapers,  the  FlyiJtg  Post 
and  the  Post  Boy,  appearing  on  three  days  in  the  week, 
were  started  by  George  Ridpath,  a  Presbyterian  Whig,  and 
by  Abel  Roper,  a  Tory  bookseller,  who  was  sometimes 
assisted,  in  later  years,  by  paragraphs  from  Swift.  It  was 
not  until  1702,  after  Queen  Anne's  accession,  that  the  first 
daily  paper,  the  Daily  Courant,  appeared.  The  editor  said 
he  should  relate  only  matters  of  fact,  avoiding  comment 
or  conjecture,  and  the  paper  in  no  way  took  the  place  of 
the  pamphlet.  Daniel  Defoe  had  already  begun  to  produce 
that  long  series  of  tracts  on  questions  of  the  day  which  was 
continued  for  thirty  years  ;  but  he  was  essentially  a  journalist, 
and  in  1704  he  started  the  Review,  of  which  some  specimens 
are  given  in  this  volume.  Defoe's  paper  is  the  forerunner 
of  all  the  political  reviews  of  to-day.  Other  papers,  like 
Tutchin's  Observator  and  Lesley's  Rehearsal,  which  were 
constantly  attacking  each  other,  are  now  of  interest  only  to 
the  historian. 


Introduction  ix 

One  of  the  attractions  of  the  periodical  essay,  of  which 
the  fashion  was  set  by  Steele  in  the  Taller,  was  the  avoid- 
ance of  party  controversy ;  but  in  later  papers,  such  as 
the  Guardian,  Steele  found,  as  he  says,  that  '  parties  were 
too  violent  to  make  it  possible  to  pass  them  by  without 
observation.'  Even  Addison  was  drawn  into  writing  a 
Whig  Examiner,  besides  one  or  two  political  pamphlets. 
Swift's  work  under  Queen  Anne  illustrates  very  well  the 
varied  uses  of  the  pamphlet.  On  behalf  of  the  government 
he  wrote  the  Conduct  of  the  Allies  and  the  Remarks  on  the 
Barrier  Treaty,  which  were  followed  by  many  ephemeral 
pieces  by  himself  or  by  '  understrappers'  writing  under  his 
supervision.  In  the  controversy  with  Steele  he  published 
The  Importance  of  the  Guardian  considered,  in  reply  to  The 
Importance  of  Dunkirk  considered,  and  The  Public  Spirit  of 
the  Whigs,  in  reply  to  The  Crisis.  To  church  controversies  he 
contributed  his  Project  for  the  advancement  of  Religion,  ?iX\<\ 
Sentiments  of  a  Church  of  England  man.  A  serious  literary 
question  was  discussed  in  the  Proposal  for  converting,  improv- 
ing, and  ascertaining  the  English  Tongue,  while  the  Predic- 
tions for  the  year  1708  and  other  pieces  formed  part  of  a 
conspiracy  of  the  wits  against  the  astrologer  Partridge. 
But  convenient  as  was  the  pamphlet.  Swift  found  it  desir- 
able to  use  also  the  more  modern  weapon,  the  periodical ; 
and  the  Examiner,  begun  in  17 10,  contained  a  series  of 
powerful  political  papers  by  him,  and  was  continued  by 
minor  writers  for  four  years. 

This  is  not  the  place  to  discuss  the  pamphlets  on  literary 
subjects  which  appeared  under  the  later  Stuarts ;  but  we 
may  recall  the  fact  that  among  them  were  Dryden's  Essay 
of  Dramatic  Poesy  (1668),  Gildon's  Comparison  between  the 
Two  Stages  (1704),  several  pieces  by  Dennis,  Downes's 
Roscius  A nglicanus  ( 1 708),  Gay's  Present  State  of  Wit  ( 1 7 1 1 ), 


X  Later  Stuart  Tracts 

and  Pope's  Essay  on  Criticism  (171 1),  all  valuable  to  the 
literary  student  of  to-day  for  the  facts  which  they  contain, 
and  for  the  light  which  they  throw  on  the  way  in  which 
contemporaries  viewed  the  writers  or  actors  of  that  time. 

The  pieces  contained  in  this  volume  illustrate  fairly  well 
the  tracts  of  the  later  Stuart  period.  They  were  originally 
selected  on  account  of  their  intrinsic  merit  rather  than  as 
illustrative  of  the  literature  of  a  particular  time,  and  it 
would  of  course  be  easy  to  suggest  many  pamphlets  which 
might  have  been  included.  But  Petty  as  an  economic 
writer,  Defoe  as  a  journalist,  and  Arbuthnot  as  a  wit,  writ- 
ing on  the  side  of  the  Government,  are  sufficiently  repre- 
sentative. Swift  is  not  directly  included,  but  he  was  no 
doubt  consulted  in  the  writing  of  the  History  of  John  Bull, 
and  his  works  are  readily  obtainable. 

The  first  piece  here  given  is  one  of  a  series  of  little  books 
by  Sir  William  Petty,  whose  publisher  sometimes  com- 
plained that  the  manuscript  sent  him  'made  no  sufficient 
bulk,'  to  which  Petty  replied,  '  I  could  wish  the  bulk  of  all 
books  were  less.'  Petty's  own  books  certainly  contain  much 
matter  in  a  little  space.  He  was  deeply  interested  in  social 
problems,  and  his  writings  give  the  result  of  a  wide  ex- 
perience of  men  and  of  affairs. 

As  a  boy,  Sir  William  Petty  was  interested  in  mechanics. 
He  tried  the  sea,  studied  at  a  Jesuit  college  and  at  Dutch 
universities,  and  at  Paris  formed  a  friendship  with  Hobbes. 
For  a  time  he  followed  his  father's  business  as  a  clothier ; 
then  he  wrote  on  education,  invented  a  manifold  letter- 
writer,  and  moved  to  Oxford,  where  he  took  the  degree  of 
doctor  of  physic,  and  lectured  on  anatomy.  In  1652  he 
was  appointed  physician-general  to  the  army  in  Ireland, 
and  was  found  so  useful  in  reorganising  the  service  that  he 


Introduction  xi 

was  asked  to  supervise  the  survey  of  the  forfeited  estates  of 
Irish  landowners,  and  ultimately  to  carry  out  the  re-settle- 
ment in  that  country.  After  the  Restoration  Petty  was  in 
as  much  favour  with  Charles  II.  as  he  had  been  with  Henry 
Cromwell ;  and  he  was  knighted  at  the  incorporation  of  the 
Royal  Society  (1662),  of  which  he  was  one  of  the  earliest 
members.  Evelyn  says  of  him:  'There  is  not  a  better 
Latin  poet  living,  when  he  gives  himself  that  diversion; 
nor  is  his  excellence  less  in  council  and  prudent  matters 
of  state.  .  .  .  There  were  not  in  the  whole  world  his 
equal  for  a  superintendent  of  manufacture  and  improve- 
ment of  trade,  or  to  govern  a  plantation.  If  I  were  a 
prince,  I  should  make  him  my  second  counsellor  at  least.' 
And  Pepys,  after  mentioning  various  distinguished  men, 
says, '  But  above  all  I  do  value  Sir  William  Petty.' 

The  Political  Arithmetick  appeared  in  1690,  two  years 
after  Petty's  death,  but  there  had  been  a  spurious  edition 
in  1683.  The  book  seems  to  have  been  begun  about 
1 67 1  and  finished  about  1677.  As  early  as  1662  Petty 
published  a  Treatise  of  Taxes  and  Contributions,  and  assisted 
Captain  John  Graunt  in  the  preparation  of  Natural  and 
Political  Observations  upon  the  Bills  of  Mortality.  After 
various  tracts  on  money.  Petty  published,  in  1682,  an  Essay 
in  Political  Arithmetick,  concerning  the  people,  housing, 
hospitals,  etc.,  of  London  and  Paris,  and  An  Essay  concertiing 
the  multiplication  of  Mankind,  together  zviih  an  Essay  on  the 
growth  of  London.  These  were  followed  by  Another  Essay 
in  Political  Arithmetick  concerning  the  growth  of  the  City  of 
London,  and  in  1687  by  Five  Essays  in  Political  Arithmetick, 
and  Observations  upon  the  Cities  of  London  and  Rome.  ^ 

^  A  collected  edition  of  Petty's  Economic  Writings,  by  Prof.  Hull,  was 
published   in  two  volumes  in  1899 ;  several  of  the  pieces  mentioned  above  are 


xii  Later  Stuart  Tracts 

There  was  no  census  in  this  country  before  1801,  and 
Petty  had  to  base  his  calculations  on  the  Bills  of  Mortality, 
the  statistics  of  the  Chimney  Tax,  and  the  like.  He  was 
conscious  of  the  imperfect  nature  of  the  data  on  which  he 
worked,  and  he  often  resorted  to  guesses,  but  his  guesses 
were  wonderfully  acute,  and  considering  the  difficulties  in 
his  way,  his  success  was  very  marked.  Frank  and  liberal- 
minded,  Petty  occupies  a  high  rank  as  a  writer  on  politics, 
and  by  virtue  of  his  application  of  statistics  to  social  questions, 
he  was  one  of  the  founders  of  economic  science  in  England. 
Evelyn  seems  to  have  done  an  injustice  to  Graunt  when  he 
said  {Diary,  March  22,  1675)  that  Petty  was  'author  of  the 
ingenious  deductions  from  the  bills  of  mortality  which  go 
under  the  name  of  Mr.  Graunt ' ;  but  Graunt,  though  entitled 
to  most  of  the  credit  for  that  early  work  on  vital  statistics, 
was  not  an  economist  like  Petty.  There  are  many  contra- 
dictions and  reservations  in  Petty's  writings,  sometimes  due 
to  his  not  having  shaken  himself  free  from  prevalent 
fallacies,  and  sometimes  the  result  of  prudential  con- 
siderations as  to  what  would  be  palatable ;  but  in  the 
main  he  was  on  the  side  of  free-trade,  and  opposed  to  the 
prevalent  belief  that  the  wealth  of  a  country  is  to  be 
measured  by  the  excess  of  its  exports  over  the  imports. 

After  Petty's  death  his  widow  was  created  Baroness 
Shelburne  by  James  II.  Their  son,  who  was  created  Lord 
Shelburne,  dedicated  to  William  III.  his  father's  posthumous 
yfork,  Political Arit/unetick,  which  had  long  remained  unpub- 
lished because  it  ran  counter  to  the  French  policy  which 
had  been  in  favour  under  Charles  II.     In  the  preface  Petty 

included  in  one  of  the  volumes  of  Cassell's  National  Library  {iSS>8).  A  detailed 
Life,  by  Lord  Edmond  Fitzmaurice,  appeared  in  1895.  An  article  by  Mr.  W.  C. 
Bevan,  in  vol.  ix.  of  the  American  Economic  Association's  Proceedings,  should 
also  be  consulted. 


Introduction  xiii 

says  that  the  work  was  intended  to  show  the  baselessness 
of  the  prevalent  fears  respecting  the  welfare  of  England. 
The  method  adopted  was  '  not  yet  very  usual.'  '  Instead 
of  using  only  comparative  and  superlative  words  and 
intellectual  arguments,'  Petty  expressed  himself  'in  terms 
of  number,  weight,  or  measure,'  using  only 'arguments  of 
sense,'  and  considering  only  such  causes  as  have  visible 
foundations  in  Nature.  He  began  by  showing  that  a  small 
country,  by  its  situation,  trade,  and  policy,  may  be  equivalent 
in  wealth  and  strength  to  a  far  greater  nation,  and  that 
conveniences  for  shipping  eminently  conduce  to  wealth  and 
strength.  An  English  husbandman  earned  but  about  four 
shillings  a  week,  whereas  a  seaman's  earnings  (including 
food  and  lodging)  were  equal  to  twelve  shillings,  so  'a  sea- 
man is  in  effect  three  husbandmen.'  Wise  points  in  Dutch 
policy  were  Liberty  of  Conscience,  the  securing  of  titles  to 
land  and  houses,  and  the  institution  of  banks.  Petty  then 
proceeded  to  show  that  some  taxes  increase,  rather  than 
diminish,  the  wealth  of  a  kingdom.  If  money  is  taken,  by 
means  of  taxation,  from  one  who  spends  it  in  superfluous 
eating  and  drinking,  and  delivered  to  another  who  employs 
it  in  improving  land,  or  in  manufactures,  it  is  clear  that  the 
tax  is  an  advantage  to  the  state.  The  people  and  territories 
of  the  King  of  England  are,  naturally,  nearly  as  considerable 
for  wealth  and  strength  as  those  of  France.  '  If  a  man 
would  know  what  any  land  is  worth,  the  true  and  natural 
question  must  be.  How  many  men  will  it  feed?  How  many 
men  are  there  to  be  fed  ? '  Petty  came  to  the  conclusion 
that  the  English  people  'have,  head  for  head,  thrice  as 
much  foreign  trade  as  the  people  of  France,  and  about  two 
parts  out  of  nine  of  the  trade  of  the  whole  commercial 
world,   and  above  two  parts  in  seven  of  all  the  shipping.' 


xiv  Later  Stuart  Tracts 

The  impediments  to  England's  greatness  were  but  con- 
tingent and  removable.  Many  useful  reforms  could  be 
effected.  Might  not  the  three  kingdoms  be  united  into 
one,  and  equally  represented  in  Parliament  ?  Might  not 
parishes,  etc.,  be  equalised?  Might  not  jurisdictions  be 
determined  ?  Might  not  taxes  be  equally  levied,  and 
directly  applied  to  their  ultimate  use?  Might  not  Dis- 
senters be  indulged?  There  were  enough  lands  in  the 
country  to  enable  earnings  to  be  increased  by  ;^2,ooo,ooo  a 
year,  and  there  were  employments  available  for  the  purpose. 
There  was  enough  money  to  drive  the  trade  of  the  nation, 
and  capital  enough  in  England  to  drive  the  trade  of  the 
whole  commercial  world. 

Such  are  some  of  Petty's  conclusions,  worked  out  by  the 
use  of  the  figures  which  were  to  hand,  or  at  which  he 
guessed.  The  whole  treatise  is  interesting  because  of  the 
ingenuity  of  the  arguments  and  the  enlightened  views  of 
the  writer.  As  he  says,  he  showed  (i)  the  use  of  knowing 
the  true  state  of  the  people,  trade,  etc. ;  (ii)  that  the  king's 
subjects  were  not  in  so  bad  a  condition  as  discontented 
men  would  make  them;  and  (iii)  the  great  effect  of  unity, 
industry,  and  obedience  on  the  common  safety  and  on  the 
happiness  of  the  individual. 

Petty's  influence  is  very  discernible  in  succeeding  writers. 
Gregory  King,  Lancaster  Herald,  wrote  his  interesting 
Natural  and  Political  Observations  a7id  Conclusions  upon  the 
State  and  Condition  of  England  in  1696  ;  extracts  from  it 
were  published  by  Charles  Davenant,  but  the  work  itself 
was  not  printed  until  1801.  Davenant  wrote  Discourses 
on  the  Public  Revenues  and  of  the  Trade  in  England  (1698) ; 
An  Essay  upon  the  probable  methods  of  making  the  people 
gainers  in  the  Balance  of  Trade  (1699),  and  other  treatises 


Introduction  xv 

on  finance  and  public  affairs.  But  before  these  came 
Defoe's  Essay  upon  Projects  (1697),  a  work  which  is  full  of 
interesting  information,  and  of  enlightened  suggestions 
on  banking,  bankruptcy,  friendly  societies,  education,  and 
numerous  other  questions  of  public  import.  This  book, 
in  which  Petty  would  have  delighted,  is  here  represented 
by  an  eloquently  worded  extract  on  the  advantages  of  the 
sducation  of  women. 

For  a  right  understanding  of  the  pamphlets  by  Defoe 
given  in  this  volume,  some  short  account  is  necessary  of 
the  events  which  led  to  their  production.  The  masterly 
Appeal  to  Honour  and  Justice  should  be  studied  by  all 
who  are  interested  in  Defoe's  course  of  action  under 
Queen  Anne.^ 

Defoe  was  about  forty  years  of  age  in  1700,  when 
Tutchin  attacked  William  III.  in  a  pamphlet  called  The 
Foreigners.  As  a  boy,  it  was  intended  that  Defoe  should 
enter  the  Nonconformist  ministry,  and  he  was  placed  at 
the  academy  of  the  Rev.  Charles  Morton,  at  Stoke  Newing- 
ton,  where  he  learnt  several  languages,  and  was  well 
trained  in  English.  But  after  a  time  the  idea  of  the 
ministry  was  abandoned,  and  Defoe  became  a  hose-factor 
in  Cornhill.  The  accession  of  James  II.  brought  fears  of 
Popish  aggression,  and  when  the  Duke  of  Monmouth 
landed  at  Lyme,  Defoe,  with  some  of  his  old  schoolfellows, 
joined  in  the  rising.  He  was  fortunate  enough  to  escape 
the  fate  which  awaited  many  of  his  comrades  at  the  hands 
of  Judge  Jeffreys  after  the  Duke's  defeat  at  Sedgemoor. 


^  There  are  lives  of  Defoe  by  William  Lee,  Wright,  and  others.  Defoe's 
Komances  and  Narratives,  with  an  introduction  by  the  present  writer,  were  pub- 
lished in  16  vols,  in  1895.  A  large  number  of  the  pamphlets  are  included  in 
Hazlitt's  edition  of  Defoe's  Works  (1840-.^)  in  3  vols. 

b 


xvi  Later  Stuart  Tracts 

In  the  succeeding  years  Defoe  followed  his  business,  and 
made  several  tours  through  the  country,  studying  the  life 
and  condition  of  the  people.  He  was  made  a  liveryman 
of  the  City,  and  established  a  dissenting  congregation  at 
Tooting,  where  he  had  a  house. 

Discontent  at  the  acts  of  James  ii.  grew  in  intensity, 
and  when  William  of  Orange  landed  in  1688  Defoe  was 
among  those  who  went  to  welcome  him.  At  Henley  he 
joined  William's  army,  and  in  1689  he  rode  as  a  trooper 
in  a  volunteer  regiment  which  escorted  William  and  Mary 
to  the  Guildhall.  Subsequent  years  were  less  prosperous  ; 
speculations  in  foreign  trade,  which  led  to  visits  to  Spain 
and  France,  involved  Defoe  in  bankruptcy  in  1692.  A 
composition  was  agreed  to,  but  his  opponent  Tutchin  tells 
us  that  Defoe  carried  out  his  resolve  tha<-,  though  dis- 
charged, he  would  pay  his  creditors  in  full, '  as  far  as  God 
should  enable  him.'  He  became  owner  of  brick  and  pan- 
tile works  at  Tilbury ;  and  as  a  reward  for  his  services  in 
joining  'with  some  eminent  persons  at  home  in  proposing 
ways  and  means  to  the  Government  for  raising  money 
to  supply  the  occasions  of  the  war,'  he  was  appointed 
Accountant  to  the  Commissioners  of  the  Glass  Duty. 
The  Essay  upon  Projects  was  followed  by  A  Poor  Man's 
Plea  (1698),  which  dealt  with  the  reformation  of  manners 
and  the  suppressing  of  immorality,  questions  which  were 
just  then  engaging  much  public  attention. 

The  publication  by  Tutchin,  in  August  1700,  of  The 
Foreigners,  an  attack  on  the  King  and  the  Dutch  nation, 
led  Defoe  to  write  The  True-Born  Englishman:  A  Satyr 
(Jan.  1701),  which  was  an  immense  success.  In  pointed 
doggrel  verses  he  showed  how  the  English  were  descended 
from  many  races  : — 


Introduction  xvii 

*  From  a  mixture  of  all  kinds  began 
That  heterogeneous  thing,  an  Englishman  ; 
A  True-Born  Englishinan  'j  a  contradiction  ! 
In  speech  an  irony  !  in  fact,  a  fiction  ! ' 

The  conclusion  of  the  whole  was  that  ' 'Tis  personal  virtue 
only  makes  us  great.'  '  I  am  one,'  says  Defoe  in  the 
Preface,  'that  would  be  glad  to  see  Englishmen  behave 
themselves  better  to  strangers,  and  to  governors  also : 
that  one  might  not  be  reproached  in  foreign  countries  for 
belonging  to  a  nation  that  wants  manners.'  The  publica- 
tion of  the  poem  led  to  Defoe's  introduction  to  William  III., 
'  whose  goodness  to  me,'  he  says,  '  I  never  forgot,  neither 
can  forget ;  whose  memory  I  never  patiently  heard  abused, 
nor  ever  can  do  so.' 

A  new  Parliament  met  in  February  1701,  with  Robert 
Harley  as  Speaker.  The  majority  was  opposed  to  the 
King,  and  came  into  conflict  with  the  House  of  Lords. 
Five  Kentish  gentlemen,  who  brought  up  a  petition  urging 
the  House  of  Commons  to  give  His  Majesty  such  supplies 
as  would  enable  him  to  provide  for  the  interests  of  the 
country  and  assist  his  allies,  were  ordered  to  be  taken  into 
custody  by  the  sergeant-at-arms,  and  were  afterwards,  on 
May  the  13th,  committed  to  the  Gate-House  prison,  under 
the  Speaker's  warrant.  Next  day  Defoe,  accompanied  by 
sixteen  gentlemen,  went  to  the  House  and  delivered  to 
the  Speaker  his  Legion's  Memorial,  in  which  it  was  pointed 
out,  in  very  plain  language,  that  '  Englishmen  are  no  more 
to  be  slaves  to  Parliament  than  to  a  king.  Our  name  is 
Legion,  and  we  are  many.'  The  House  seems  to  have 
been  cowed  ;  supplies  were  voted  ;  Parliament  rose,  and 
the  prisoners  were  released.  Defoe's  account  of  the  whole 
matter  will  be  found  in  his  History  of  the  Kentish  Petition. 


xviii  Later  Stuart  Tracts 

King  William's  death  in  March  1702  was  a  serious  blow 
to  Defoe.  The  friends  of  Queen  Anne  were  among  the 
Tories,  and  she  was  a  strong  churchwoman.  War  was 
declared  against  France  and  Spain  in  May,  and  in  the 
new  Parliament  the  Tories  had  a  large  majority.  In 
November  a  Bill  for  the  prevention  of  Occasional  Con- 
formity was  brought  in,  but  it  was  lost  through  the  dis- 
agreement of  the  Lords.  This  bill  disabled  from  holding 
their  employments  all  office-holders  who  had  conformed 
as  required  by  the  Act  of  1673,  but  who  afterwards  went 
to  any  meeting  for  worship  not  conducted  in  accordance 
with  the  liturgy  of  the  Church  of  England ;  it  also  made 
them  liable  to  penalties,  and  debarred  them  from  holding 
office  until  they  had  conformed  for  a  year.  Public  feeling 
ran  high ;  chapel  windows  were  broken,  and  some  of  the 
more  moderate  bishops  were  accused  of  betraying  their 
Church.  Defoe  followed  up  his  Enquiry  into  Occasional 
Conformity  by  his  famous  pamphlet,  The  Shortest  Way 
with  the  Dissenters,  published  on  the  ist  of  December  1702. 
Writing  ironically  in  the  guise  of  an  extreme  churchman, 
he  showed  the  absurdity  of  the  prevalent  intolerance  by 
pushing  the  argument  against  Dissenters  to  extremes. 
The  Church,  he  said,  had  been  humiliated  for  fourteen 
years ;  she  had  too  long  harboured  her  enemies  under  her 
wing.  'The  time  of  mercy  is  past!  Your  day  of  grace  is 
over!'  If  James  I.  had  rooted  the  Puritans  from  the  face 
of  the  land  they  could  not  since  have  vexed  the  Church. 
The  French  king  had  effectually  cleared  France  of  Pro- 
testants: '  If  ever  you  will  leave  your  posterity  free  from 
friction  and  rebellion,  this  is  the  time ! '  Fines  were  use- 
less ;  the  proper  remedy  was  a  law  that  whoever  was  found 
at  a  conventicle  should  be  banished,  and  the  preacher  be 


Introduction  xix 

hanged.  At  first,  such  severity  might  seem  hard,  but  the 
contagion  would  be  rooted  out. 

It  is  not  surprising  that  the  pamphlet  deceived  many. 
Dissenters  regarded  it  as  an  attack,  and  when  it  was  found 
to  be  by  a  dissenter,  they  did  not  agree  with  the  writer's 
views  on  Occasional  Conformity.  On  the  other  hand, 
violent  churchmen  were  furious  when  they  found  that  the 
piece  which  they  had  greatly  valued  was  a  satire  upon  them. 
Defoe  made  an  unavailing  appeal  to  the  Earl  of  Nottingham, 
the  Secretary  of  State,  in  which  he  described  himself  as  'a 
zealous,  faithful,  and  thankful  servant  of  the  Queen,'  and 
offered  to  plead  guilty  if  he  might  receive  a  sentence  'a 
little  more  tolerable  to  me  as  a  gentleman  than  prisons, 
pillories,  and  such  like.'  A  reward  was  offered  for  his 
apprehension,  and  the  pamphlet  was  ordered  to  be  burnt  by 
the  common  hangman.  Then  Defoe  surrendered,  'rather 
than  others  should  be  ruined  by  his  mistake,'  and  in  July 
1703,  after  he  had  published  A  Brief  Explanation  of  the 
Shortest  Way,  he  was  tried,  fined,  and  ordered  to  stand 
thrice  in  the  pillory,  and  to  find  sureties  for  good  behaviour 
for  seven  years.  Defoe  again  prayed  to  be  excused  from 
the  pillory  without  result ;  but  when  the  time  came,  it  was 
found  to  be  a  triumph  instead  of  a  punishment,  for  the  mob 
received  him  with  enthusiasm.  On  the  first  day  on  which 
he  stood  in  the  pillory  (July  19)  he  published  The  Shortest 
Way  to  Peace  and  Union,  by  which  he  meant  common 
charity  and  tolerance,  and  A  Hymn  to  the  Pillory,  where  it 
is  suggested  that  many  of  those  opposed  to  him  better 
deserved  such  punishment. 

But  Defoe  had  to  go  back  to  prison,  and  there  he  wrote 
various  pamphlets,  which  need  not  be  mentioned  here.  In 
September    1703    Harley   wrote   to   Godolphin,  the    Lord 


XX  Later  Stuart  Tracts 

Treasurer,  that  Defoe  was  much  oppressed  with  his  usage 
at  Newgate,  and  was  willing  to  serve  the  Queen.  If  his  fine 
were  satisfied  by  the  Queen's  bounty,  *  he  may  do  service, 
and  this  may  perhaps  engage  him  better  than  any 
after  rewards,  and  keep  him  more  under  the  power  of  an 
obligation.'  Some  months  later  Harley,  who  had  succeeded 
Defoe's  enemy  Nottingham,  as  Secretary  of  State,  wrote 
to  ask  Defoe  what  he  could  do  for  him,  and  made  arrange- 
ments for  the  relief  of  his  family.  In  August  1704  Defoe 
was  released  from  prison,  when  he  published  A  Hymn  to 
Victory,  In  his  Appeal  to  Honour  and  Justice  he  describes 
his  gratitude  to  Harley  and  to  the  Queen,  by  whose  bounty 
his  fine  was  paid,  and  he  asks  how  he  could  ever  act  against 
those  to  whom  he  owed  so  much.  The  Queen,  too,  took 
Defoe  into  her  service,  and  he  was  employed,  at  Harley 's 
suggestion,  '  in  several  honourable,  though  secret  services.' 

In  the  meantime  Defoe  had  begun,  on  February  19, 
1704,  while  in  prison,  the  famous  periodical  known  as  the 
Review,  a  paper  which  lasted  until  17 13,  and  was  the 
immediate  forerunner  of  the  Tatler  and  the  Spectator  and 
all  subsequent  periodical  essays.  The  paper  was  at  first 
called  A  Review  of  the  Affairs  of  France  aud  of  all  Europe, 
as  influenced  by  that  nation  ;  it  treated  of  politics,  news,  and 
trade,  but  there  was  also  a  lighter  element,  contrived  to 
'bring  people  to  read  with  delight.'  'After  our  serious 
matters  we  shall,  at  the  end  of  every  paper,  present  you 
with  a  little  diversion,  as  anything  occurs  to  make  the  world 
merry ;  and  whether  friend  or  foe,  one  party  or  another,  if 
anything  happens  so  scandalous  as  to  require  an  open 
reproof,  the  world  will  meet  with  it  there.'  These  essays  on 
'the  immediate  subject  then  on  the  tongues  of  the  town' 
were  called  Advice  from  the  Scandalous  Club,  or,  later  on, 


Introduction  xxi 

Advice  from  the  Scandal  Club,  and  there  were  monthly 
Supplementary  Journals.  When  the  Tatler  appeared  Defoe 
welcomed  Steele's  lighter  touch,  and  devoted  himself  more 
and  more  to  politics. 

The  Review  began  as  a  weekly  paper ;  after  the  eighth 
number  it  appeared  twice  a  week,  and  after  the  eighth 
number  of  the  second  volume  thrice  weekly.  The  passing 
of  the  Stamp  Act  in  1712  brought  the  paper  to  an  end  in 
its  original  form  ;  but  it  was  soon  revived,  as  a  single  leaf, 
and  was  published  twice  a  week  until  June  11,  171 3.  Defoe 
wrote  the  whole  himself,  a  truly  marvellous  feat  when  we 
remember  that  he  was  often  travelling  about  the  country, 
and  that  while  the  Review  was  appearing  he  wrote 
pamphlets  and  books  containing,  as  he  calculated,  nearly 
five  thousand  pages. 

The  first  volume  dealt  largely  with  the  question  of 
English  Trade ;  and  Defoe,  answering  criticisms  on  his 
carelessness  respecting  language  and  polite  phraseology, 
said  that  while  he  was  on  the  subject  of  Trade  he  felt  free 
from  the  bonds  of  cadence  and  perfections  of  style  ;  it  was 
enough  to  be  '  explicit,  easy,  free,  and  very  plain.'  In  his 
second  volume,  struck  by  the  growth  of  animosity  and 
party  fury,  Defoe  endeavoured  to  '  prevail  on  all  people  in 
general  to  study  Peace,'  and  to  beware  of  Tackers  and 
Tories.  In  the  third  volume  he  dealt  at  length  with  the 
Union  with  Scotland.  '  If  I  thought  myself  obliged,  in 
duty  to  the  public  interest,  to  use  my  utmost  endeavour  to 
quiet  the  minds  of  enraged  parties,  I  found  myself  under  a 
stronger  necessity  to  embark  in  the  same  design,  between 
too  much  enraged  nations.'  Seeing  that  those  carrying  on 
the  negotiations  were  at  last  approaching  the  subject  in  a 
spirit  likely  to  lead  to  success,  he  felt  he  must  do  his  part 


xxii  Later  Stuart  Tracts 

without  doors,  by  attempting  to  remove  national  prejudices. 
With  this  object  he  wrote  pamphlets,  and  went  to  Edin- 
burgh, where  he  helped  the  Government  by  smoothing  over 
difficulties  for  many  months,  both  before  and  after  the 
signing  of  the  Treaty  of  Union. 

The  seventh  volume  of  the  Review  was  concerned  with 
the  controversy  that  arose  out  of  the  prosecution  of 
Dr.  Sacheverell  in  1710.  Defoe's  writings  against  the 
'exploded  ridiculous  doctrine  of  Non-Resistance'  brought 
upon  him  many  threats,  but  did  not  move  him  to  change 
his  attitude.  *  You  should  first  answer  the  argument,'  he 
wrote ;  '  that  is  the  best  way  of  murdering  the  author !  To 
kill  him  first  is  to  own  you  could  not  answer  him.  If  your 
doctrine  of  Non-Resistance  will  subsist,  it  will  uphold 
itself;  .  .  .  for  Truth  will  prevail.'  But  '  whether  in  this 
work  I  meet  with  punishment  or  praise,  safety  or  hazard, 
life  or  death,  Te  Deum  Laudainus!  He  could  not  but  feel 
it  hard,  however,  that  one  who  endeavoured  to  steer  the 
middle  course  between  all  parties,  and  to  press  either  side 
to  pursue  the  public  interest,  should  be  maltreated  by  any, 
and  still  more  by  both  sides.  '  But  so  shall  it  fare  with  any 
man  that  will  not  run  into  the  same  excess  of  riot  with  any 
people.' 

In  the  interesting  preface  to  the  eighth  volume  of  the 
Review,  Defoe  again  defended  himself  against  attacks  from 
those  who  might  have  been  expected  to  be  his  friends.  He 
consoled  himself  with  the  knowledge  that  he  had  always 
written  his  free  and  undirected  opinions,  and  with  the  hope 
that  the  sincerity  of  his  conduct  would  be  yet  cleared  to  the 
world.  No  ill-treatment  could  make  him  an  enemy  of  the 
Dissenters,  and  he  awaited  a  better  understanding  with 
patience  and  resignation.     In  the  meantime  he  expressed 


Introduction  xxiil 

his  resentment  at  the  Occasional  Conformity  Bill,  which 
was  a  more  barbarous  measure  than  the  Dissenters  realised. 
'The  people  I  have  served,  and  love  to  serve,  cut  my  throat 
every  day,  because  I  will  not  cut  the  throat  of  those  that 
have  served  and  assisted  me.  .  .  .  And  now  I  live  under 
universal  contempt,  which  contempt  I  have  learned  to 
contemn.'  He  was  called  'a  fighting  fellow';  but  truth 
makes  any  man  bold,  and  with  a  bad  cause  he  felt  he  would 
have  been  a  coward.  '  In  defence  of  truth,  I  think  (pardon 
me  that  I  dare  go  no  further,  for  who  knows  himself?)  I 
say,  I  think  I  could  dare  to  die,  but  a  child  may  beat  me  if 
I  am  in  the  wrong.'  The  hostility  of  the  patriots  of  the 
cause  he  served  did  not  move  him,  because  he  served  '  the 
cause,  and  not  the  men.' 

During  the  negotiations  for  a  peace  with  France  in  17 12 
Defoe  wrote  pamphlets  in  favour  of  '  a  good  peace,'  with 
the  result  that  he  was  charged  with  being  a  hireling.  This, 
he  said,  'was  abominably  false';  he  had  'suffered  deeply 
for  cleaving  to  principles.'  At  the  close  of  the  year,  and 
early  in  171 3,  he  wrote  an  opposition  to  the  schemes  of  the 
friends  of  the  Pretender,  sometimes  in  very  plain-spoken 
pieces,  like  y^  SeasojiabU  Warning  and  Caution  \  sometimes 
ironically,  as  in  Reasons  against  the  Succession  of  the 
House  of  Ha7iover ;  What  if  the  Pretender  should  come  ? 
and  What  if  the  Queen  should  die  ?  As  in  the  case  of 
The  Shortest  Way  with  the  Dissenters,  the  irony  was 
misunderstood  —  really  misunderstood  by  some  stupid 
readers,  and  wilfully  misunderstood  by  others  who  wanted 
an  excuse  for  attacking  the  writer.  It  was  held  that  the 
pamphlets  were  scandalous,  wicked,  and  treasonable  libels, 
and  Defoe  was  committed  for  trial.  Eventually,  however, 
in  December  17 13,  Harley — now  Earl  of  Oxford — procured 
for  him  a  pardon  of  '  all  crimes  and  offences.' 


xxiv  Later  Stuart  Tracts 

Though  Defoe  did  not  approve  of  the  terms  of  the  Treaty 
of  Utrecht,  he  thought  it  the  duty  of  a  loyal  subject  to 
make  the  best  of  it  when  it  was  signed  ;  but  when  he  wrote 
to  that  effect  he  was  charged  with  being  in  the  French 
interest,  often,  as  he  says,  on  the  supposition  that  he  was 
the  author  of  pamphlets  of  which  he  knew  nothing.  His 
whole  attitude  is  summed  up  towards  the  close  of  the 
Appeal  to  Honour  and  Justice :  '  I  was  from  my  first 
entering  into  the  knowledge  of  public  matters,  and  have 
ever  been  to  this  day,  a  sincere  lover  of  the  constitution  of 
my  country,  zealous  for  liberty  and  the  Protestant  interest, 
but  a  constant  follower  of  moderate  principles,  a  vigorous 
opposer  of  hot  measures  of  all  parties.  I  never  once 
changed  my  opinion,  my  principles,  or  my  party ;  and  let 
what  will  be  said  of  changing  sides,  this  I  maintain,  that  I 
never  once  deviated  from  the  Revolution  principles,  nor 
from  the  doctrine  of  liberty  and  property  on  which  they 
were  founded.'  And  again  :  *  A  constant,  steady  adhering 
to  personal  virtue  and  to  public  peace,  which  (I  thank  God  ! 
I  can  appeal  to  Him  !)  has  always  been  my  practice,  will,  at 
last,  restore  me  to  the  opinion  of  sober  and  impartial  men ; 
and  that  is  all  I  desire.' 

The  Earl  of  Oxford's  fall  in  July  1714  was  shortly 
followed  by  the  death  of  the  Queen  and  the  accession  of 
George  I.  Defoe's  Appeal  to  Honour  and  Justice  appeared 
early  in  I7i5,and  here  we  must  leave  him,  merely  noting 
that  four  years  afterwards,  when  in  his  sixtieth  year,  he 
began,  with  Robinson  Crusoe,  the  wonderful  series  of 
romances  by  which  he  is  most  widely  known.  For  five 
years  these  books  succeeded  one  another  with  astonishing 
rapidity ;  and  besides  the  stories,  he  wrote  books  and 
pamphlets  on  historical  and  moral  subjects,  on  commerce, 


Introduction  xxv 

on  politics,  on  magic,  and  on  literature.  The  busy  life 
came  to  an  end  in  173 1.  He  was  too  independent,  and  his 
views  were  too  much  in  advance  of  his  time,  for  him  to  be 
viewed  with  anything  but  doubt  by  mere  party-men.  One 
opponent,  John  Dunton,  said:  'I  cannot  but  own  his 
thoughts  are  always  surprising,  new,  and  singular  ;  and 
though  he  writes  for  bread,  he  could  never  be  hired  to 
wrong  his  conscience,  or  disgrace  the  quill,  and,  which 
crowns  his  panegyric,  he  is  a  person  of  true  courage.' 

Arbuthnot  was  a  fellow-writer  with  Defoe  in  favour  of  a 
peace  with  France  ;  but  they  had  little  in  common.  Defoe's 
position  was  naturally  one  of  isolation  ;  he  was  outside  the 
literary  circle  of  his  day ;  and  Swift  and  Pope,  though  he 
was  writing  on  their  side,  mention  him,  on  the  rare  occasions 
on  which  they  refer  to  him,  only  in  terms  of  opprobrium 
Apart  from  other  reasons,  he  would  be  looked  down  upon 
as  a  Dissenter  and  as  a  man  of  the  people,  who  was  not  a 
member  of  any  university.  In  1712,  when  the  pamphlets 
given  in  this  volume  were  published,  Arbuthnot  was  a 
fashionable  physician  of  forty-five,  an  intimate  friend  of 
Swift,  Pope,  and  the  wits  in  general,  as  well  as  of  Oxford 
and  Bolingbroke.^ 

Arbuthnot's  father  was  one  of  the  clergy  who  were 
expelled  from  their  churches  and  manses  at  the  Revolution 
in  1689,  because  he  would  not  conform  to  the  Presbyterian 
system.  John,  the  eldest  son,  came  to  London,  where  he 
taught  mathematics  for  a  time,  and  then  entered  University 
College,  Oxford.  In  1696  he  took  the  degree  of  M.D.  at 
St.  Andrews  ;  in  1704  he  was  elected  a  Fellow  of  the  Royal 
Society,  and  next  year  became  Physician-Extraordinary  to 

^  The  fullest  life  of  Arbuthnot  is  in  The  Life  and  Works  of  John  Arbuthnot, 
Oxford,  1892,  by  the  present  writer. 


xxvi  Later  Stuart  Tracts 

the  Queen.  In  1706  he  was  a  fellow- worker  with  Defoe  in 
the  endeavour  to  remove  the  prejudices  against  the  Union 
entertained  by  the  Scotch.  In  his  Sermon  preached  to  the 
people  at  the  Mercat-Cross  at  Edinburgh,  on  the  subject  of 
the  Union,  he  pointed  out  to  his  fellow-countrymen  the 
intimate  relations  between  Pride,  Poverty,  and  Idleness, 'a 
worse  Union  a  great  deal  than  that  which  we  are  to 
discourse  of  at  present ' ;  the  text  was, '  Better  is  he  that 
laboureth,  and  aboundeth  in  all  things,  than  he  that 
boasteth  himself,  and  wanteth  bread.'  In  due  course 
Arbuthnot  became  Physician-in-Ordinary  to  the  Queen, 
and  enjoyed  great  influence  at  court ;  Swift  more  than 
once  refers  to  him  as  *  the  Queen's  physician  and  favourite.' 
Early  in  17 12  active  negotiations  were  in  progress  with 
a  view  to  the  settlement  of  a  peace  with  France,  and 
Arbuthnot  rendered  material  aid  by  a  series  of  pamphlets 
which  were  afterwards  collected  under  the  title  of  The 
History  of  John  Bull.  They  are  often  printed  with  Swift's 
works,  but  Pope  said,  '  Dr.  Arbuthnot  was  the  sole  writer  of 
John  Bull.'  On  the  loth  of  March  17 12  Swift  wrote  to 
Stella,  'You  must  buy  a  small  twopenny  pamphlet,  called 
Law  is  a  Bottomless  Pit.  It  is  very  prettily  written,  and 
there  will  be  a  second  part.'  The  piece  was  advertised  in 
the  Examiner  for  March  6,  with  the  title  Laiv  is  a  Bottom- 
less Pit,  exemplified  in  the  case  of  the  Lord  Strutt,  fohn 
Bull,  Nicholas  Frog,  and  Lewis  Baboon,  who  spent  all  they 
had  in  a  Law  Siiit.  Lord  Strutt  was  the  late  King  of 
Spain  ;  John  Bull,  the  English  ;  Nicholas  Frog,  the  Dutch  ; 
Lewis  Baboon,  the  French  King  ;  Philip  Baboon,  the  Duke 
of  Anjou  ;  Esquire  South,  the  King  of  Spain ;  Humphrey 
Hocus,  the  Duke  of  Marlborough ;  and  Sir  Roger  Bold, 
the  Earl  of  Oxford.     The  lawsuit  was,  of  course,  the  war; 


Introduction  xxvii 

John  Bull's  first  wife  stood  for  the  late  Ministry,  and  his 
second  wife  for  the  present  Tory  Ministry ;  his  mother  was 
the  Church  ;  his  sister  Peg,  the  Scottish  nation.  Arbuthnot 
tells  very  amusingly  of  the  cause  of  the  lawsuit ;  of  its 
success,  which  made  John  Bull  think  of  leaving  off  his 
trade  to  become  lawyer ;  of  his  discovery  that  Hocus  had 
an  intrigue  with  his  wife ;  of  the  annoying  attorney's  bill ; 
and  of  the  steps  taken  by  the  lawyers  to  persuade  John 
Bull  not  to  accept  any  composition,  and  so  end  the  law- 
suit. Arbuthnot  first  applied  the  name  of  John  Bull  to 
the  English  people.  John  was  generally  ruddy  and  plump ; 
fond  of  his  bottle,  and  generous  with  his  money;  an  honest, 
plain-dealing  man,  but  choleric  and  of  inconstant  temper. 
He  was  not  afraid  of  the  French,  but  often  quarrelled  with 
his  best  friends.  In  spite  of  good  business  capacity,  he 
was  careless  about  accounts,  and  was  often  cheated  by 
partners  and  servants. 

The  second  part  of  'John  Bull '  was  cdWed  John  Bull  in 
his  Senses.  On  the  17th  of  March  Swift  wrote  that  it  was 
'just  now  printed,  and  better,  I  think,  than  the  first.'  It 
deals  with  the  doctrine  of  non-resistance,  the  Barrier 
Treaty,  Lord  Nottingham's  opposition  to  the  Peace,  and 
the  arguments  used  by  Marlborough,  Godolphin,  and 
Cowper,  the  guardians  to  John's  three  daughters  by  his 
first  wife  (War,  Discord,  and  Usury),  and  by  the  King  of 
Spain.  John  Bull  still  in  his  Senses:  Being  the  third  part 
oj  Latv  is  a  Bottomless  Pit,  was  published  in  the  middle 
of  April.  On  the  title-page  was  the  misleading  statement 
that  this,  as  well  as  the  two  former  parts,  was  by  the  author 
of  the  New  Atalantis — Mrs.  Manley,  who  was  also  a  minor 
writer  of  Tory  pamphlets.  The  chapters  include  an  account 
of  John  Bull's  mother  (the  Church  of  England),  of  his  sister 


xxvUi       Later  Stuart  Tracts 

Peg  (the  Scottish  Church  and  nation),  and  her  lover  Jack 
(Presbyterianism) ;  of  the  early  quarrels  of  John  and  Peg  ; 
of  their  reconciliation  (at  the  Union),  and  their  subsequent 
disagreements.  The  remainder  of  the  pamphlet  relates  to 
the  Partition  Treaty;  to  Oxford's  services  to  his  country; 
to  Church  troubles,  and  to  the  difficulties  in  bringing  about 
a  peace. 

An  Appendix  to  John  Bull  still  in  his  Senses  appeared 
in  May.  On  the  loth  Swift  wrote  to  Stella,  'The  appendix 
to  the  third  part  of  "  John  Bull"  was  published  yesterday; 
it  is  equal  to  the  rest.  I  hope  you  read  "John  Bull."  It 
was  a  Scotch  gentleman,  a  friend  of  mine,  that  wrote  it; 
but  they  put  it  upon  me.'  This  pamphlet  deals  with  the 
history  of  the  differences  between  Church  and  Dissent,  and 
with  the  Bill  against  Occasional  Conformity.  The  last 
of  the  series  was  published  at  the  end  of  July  :  Lezvis 
Baboon  turned  honesty  and  John  Bull  politician :  Being 
the  fourth  part  of  Law  is  a  Bottomless  Pit.  Swift  wrote 
on  the  7th  of  August,  '  Have  you  seen  the  fourth  part  of 
"John  Bull"?  It  is  equal  to  the  rest,  and  extremely  good.' 
The  pamphlet  treated  of  the  discussions  at  the  meeting 
at  the  Salutation  Tavern  (the  Congress  of  Utrecht);  of  the 
settlement  of  accounts  between  John  Bull  and  Nic.  Frog ; 
of  the  turmoil  at  home  about  the  Succession  ;  and  of  the 
private  negotiations  with  France. 

When  Arbuthnot  died  in  1735,  Swift  said  that  the  news 
struck  him  to  the  heart,  and  years  afterwards  Dr.  Johnson 
wrote :  '  I  think  Dr.  Arbuthnot  the  first  man  among  them. 
He  was  the  most  universal  genius,  being  an  excellent 
physician,  a  man  of  deep  learning,  and  a  man  of  much 
humour.'  As  Lord  Chesterfield  said,  he  placed  his  fund 
of  wit  at  the  disposal  of  his  friends,  without  any  thought 


Introduction  xxix 

of  his  own  reputation,  so  that  he  was  and  is  still  generally 
undervalued.  It  is  often  difficult  to  separate  his  work  from 
that  of  other  members  of  the  Scriblerus  Club,  to  which 
he  belonged.  The  historical  student  must  needs  study 
The  Conduct  of  the  Allies,  The  Public  Spirit  of  the 
Whigs,  and  other  pamphlets  by  Swift;  but  though  these 
pieces  are  unrivalled  for  invective,  the  'John  Bull'  series 
give  an  excellent  idea  of  the  more  good-humoured  side 
of  the  political  controversy  of  the  time. 

G.  A.  AITKEN. 


Political   Arithmetic, 

OR 

A   DISCOURSE 

Concerning 

The  extent  and  value  of  Lands,  People, 
Buildings ;  Husbandry,  Manufacture[s], 
Commerce,  Fishery,  Artizans,  Seamen, 
Soldiers  ;  Public  Revenues,  Interest, 
Taxes,  Superlucration,  Registries,  Banks; 
Valuation  of  Men,  Increasing  of  Seamen  ; 
of  Militias,  harbours,  Situation,  Shipping, 
Power  at  sea,  &c. :  as  the  same  relates 
to  every  country  in  general,  but  more 
particularly  to  the  territories  of  His 
Majesty  of  Great  Britain,  and  his 
neighbours  of  Holland,  Zealand,  and 
France. 


By  Sir  W  I  L  L  I  A  M    PETTY, 

late  Fellow  of  the  Royal  Society. 


London.  Printed  by  Robert  Clave l  at  the  Peacock, 
and  Henry  Mortlock  at  the  Phxnix  in  St. 
Paul's  Church-yard.      1690. 


|Et  this  book  called  Political  Arithmetic,  which  was  long 
since  written  [about  1677,  see  p.  29]  by  Sir  William 
Petty  deceased,  be  printed. 

Given  at  the  Court  at  Whitehall,  the  yth  day  of  November,  1690. 

Nottingham. 


Lord  Shelborne's  Dedication  to  William  III.       3 

To  the  King's  most  excellent  Majesty. 

Sire, 

HiLST  every  one  meditates  some  fit  offering  for  your 
Majesty,  such  as   may  best  agree    with  your  happy 
exaltation  to  this  Throne ;  I  presume  to  offer  what 
I  my  father,  long  since,  wrote  to  shew  the  Weight  and 
hnportance  of  the  English  Crown. 

It  was  by  him  styled  Political  Arithmetic,  inasmuch  as  things 
of  Government,  and  of  no  less  concern  and  extent  than  the  glory  of 
the  Prince  and  the  happiness  and  greatness  of  the  People  are,  by 
the  ordinary  rules  of  Arithmetic,  brought  into  a  sort  of  Demon- 
stration. 

He  was  allowed  by  all,  to  be  the  Inventor  of  this  method  of 
instruction,  where  the  perplexed  and  intricate  ways  of  the  World 
are  explained  by  a  very  mean  piece  of  Science :  and  had  not  the 
Doctrines  of  this  Essay  offended  France,  they  had,  long  since,  seen 
the  light  [i.e.,  the  Essay  would  have  been  printed  in  England, 
but  for  the  French  policy  of  Charles  II.] ;  and  had  sound 
followers,  as  well  as  improv erne) its,  before  this  time,  to  the  ad- 
vantage, perhaps,  of  mankind. 

But  this  has  been  reserved  to  the  felicity  of  your  Majesty's 
reign,  and  to  the  expectation  which  the  Learned  have  therein; 
and  if,  while  in  this  I  do  some  honour  to  the  memory  of  a  good 
father,  I  can  also  pay  service,  and  some  testimony  of  my  zeal  and 
reverence  to  so  great  a  King,  it  will  be  the  utmost  ambition  of 
Sire, 

Your  Majesty's 
Most  dutiful  and  most  obedient  subject, 

Shelborne. 


The    principal   Conclusions    of  this 
Treatise   are  : 

Chap.  I.  TJiat  a  small  country  and  few  people  may,  by 
their  Situation,  Trade,  and  Policy,  be  equiva- 
lent in  wealth  and  strength  to  a  far  greater 
people  and  territory.  And,  particularly,  that 
conveniences  for  shipping  and  water  carriage, 
do  most  eminently  and  fundamentally  conduce 

thereunto      p.       9 

II.  That  some  kind  of  taxes  and  public  levies  may 
rather  increase,  than  diminish  the  wealth 
of  the  Kingdom      p.     26 

III.  That  France  cannot,  by  reason  of  natural  and  per- 
petual impediments,  be  more  power  fill  at  sea  than 

the  English  or  Hollanders  now  are,  or  may  be  p.     34 

IV.  That  the  People  and  Territories  of  the  King  of 
England  are,  naturally,  nearly  as  considerable 

for  wealth  and  strength,  as  those  of  France  ...p.    40 
V.  That  the  impedimejits  of  England's  greatness 

are  but  contingent  and  removeable        p.     52 

VI.  That  the  power  and  wealth  of  England  hath 

increased, this  forty  years  [i.e.,  since  1637  A. d.]  p.  56 
VII.  That  One-Tenth  part  of  the  Whole  Expense  of 
the  King  of  England's  subjects  is  sufficient  to 
maintain  100,000  Foot,  30,000  Horse,  and 
40,000  seamen  at  sea  ;  and  to  defray  all  other 
charges  of  the  Government,  both  ordinary  and 
extraordinary,  if  the  same  were  regularly  taxed 

and  raised      p.     5^ 

VIII.  That  there  are  spare  hands  enough,  among  the 
King  of  England's  subjects,  to  earn  ^2,000,000 
per  annum  more  than  they  now  do;  and  that 
there  are  also  employments  ready,  proper,  and 

sufficient  for  that  purpose       p.    60 

IX.  That  there  is  Money  sufficient  to  drive  the  Trade 

of  the  nation p.    63 

X.  That  the  King  of  England's  subjects  have  Stock 
[capital]  competent  and  convenient  to  drive  the 
Trade  of  the  whole  Commercial  World p.    64 


PREFACE 


Orasmuch  as  men  who  are  in  a  decaying  condi- 
tion or  who  have  but  an  ill  of  their  own  concern- 
ments, instead  of  being,  as  some  think,  the  more 
industrious  to  resist  the  evils  they  apprehend,  do, 
contrariwise,  become  the  more  languid  or  ineffectual  in  all 
their  endeavours ;  neither  caring  to  attempt  or  prosecute 
even  the  probable  means  of  their  relief.  Upon  this  considera- 
tion, as  a  member  of  the  Common  Wealth,  next  to  knowing 
the  precise  truth,  in  what  condition  the  common  Interest 
stands,  I  would,  in  all  doubtful  cases,  think  the  best !  and 
consequently  not  despair  without  strong  and  manifest  reasons, 
carefully  examining  whatever  tends  to  lessen  my  hopes  of 
the  Public  Welfare. 

I  have  therefore  thought  fit  to  examine  the  following 
Persuasions ;  which  I  find  too  current  in  the  world,  and 
too  much  to  have  affected  the  minds  of  some,  to  the  prejudice 
all,  viz.  : 

That  the  rents  of  lands  are  generally  fallen ;  that  therefore, 
and  for  many  other  reasons,  the  whole  Kingdom  ihe  fears  of 
grows  every  day  poorer  and  poorer.  That  formerly  bg"!^^^?™* 
it  abounded  with  gold;  but  now,  there  is  a  great  o*" E"g'=^"'i- 
scarcity,  both  of  gold  and  silver.  That  there  is  no  trade,  nor 
employment  for  the  people;  and  yet  that  the  Land  is  under- 
peopled.     That  taxes  have  been  many  and  great.     That  Ireland 


6      Prejudices  &  Improvements  of  Engi-and,  [^''  T-  ^',^677! 

and  the  Plantations  in  America,  and  other  additions  to  the  Crown, 
are  a  burden  to  England.  That  Scotland  is  of  no  advantage. 
That  Trade,  in  general,  doth  lamentably  decay.  That  the 
Hollanders  are  at  our  heels,  in  the  race  for  naval  power :  the 
French  grow  too  fast  upon  both  ;  and  appear  so  rich  and  potent, 
that  it  is  but  their  clemency  that  they  do  not  devour  their  neigh- 
bours. And,  finally,  that  the  Church  and  State  of  England 
are  in  the  same  danger  with  the  Trade  of  England.  With  many 
other  dismal  suggestions,  which  I  had  rather  stifle  than 
repeat. 


It  is  true,  the  expense  of  foreign  commodities  hath,  of  late 
The  real  Pre-    bccn  too  great.     Much   of  our  plate,   had  it  re- 

judices  of  .  " 

England.  mamcd  money,  would  have  better  served  trade. 
Too  many  matters  have  been  regulated  by  Laws,  which 
Nature,  long  custom,  and  general  consent  ought  only  to  have 
governed.  The  slaughter  and  destruction  of  men  by  the  late 
Civil  Wars  [1642-50],  and  Plague  [1665],  have  been  great. 
The  Fire  at  London,  and  Disaster  at  Chatham  have  begotten 
opinions  in  the  vulgus  of  the  world,  to  our  prejudice.  The 
Nonconformists  increase.  The  people  of  Ireland  think 
long  of  their  Settlement.  The  English  there,  apprehend 
themselves  to  be  aliens,  and  are  forced  to  seek  a  trade  with 
foreigners,  which  they  might  as  well  maintain  with  their 
own  relations  in  England. 

But  notwithstanding  all  this,  the  like  whereof  was  always 
in  all  places,  the  buildings  of  London  grow  great  and  glorious. 
The  Improve-  The  AmcHcan  Plantations  employ  400  Sail  of  Ships. 
England.  Actions  [Sharcs]  in  the  East  India  Company  are 
nearly  double  the  principal  money  [the  original  nominal  Stock]. 
Those  who  can  give  good  security,  may  have  money  under 
Statute  interest.  Materials  for  building,  even  oak  timber,  are 
[but]  little  the  dearer  (some  cheaper)  for  [all]  the  rebuilding 
of  London.     The  Exchange  seems  as  full  of  merchants  as 


Sir  W, 
? 


^fg"^;]  The  Author's  manner  of  arguing. 


formerly.  No  more  beggars  in  the  streets,  nor  executed  for 
thieves,  than  heretofore.  The  number  of  coaches  and  splen- 
dour of  equipage  exceeds  former  Times.  The  public  Theatres 
are  very  magnificent.  The  King  has  a  greater  Navy,  and 
stronger  Guards  than  before  our  calamities.  The  Clergy  are 
rich,  and  the  Cathedrals  in  repair.  Much  land  has  been 
improved,  and  the  price  of  food  is  so  reasonable  as  that  men 
refuse  to  have  it  cheaper  by  admitting  of  Irish  cattle. 

And,  in  brief,  no  man  needs  to  want,  that  will  take  moderate 
pains.  That  some  are  poorer  than  others,  ever  was  and  ever 
will  be  :  and  that  many  are  naturally  querulous  and  envious, 
is  an  evil  as  old  as  the  world. 

These  general  observations,  and  that  men  eat,  and  drink, 
and  laugh,  as  they  used  to  do,  have  encouraged  me  to  try  if 
I  could  also  comfort  others  :  being  satisfied  myself,  that  the 
Interest  and  Affairs  of  England  are  in  no  deplorable  con- 
dition. 


The  method  I  take,  to  do  this,  is  not  yet  very  usual.  For 
(instead  of  using  only  comparative  and  superlative  The  Author's 
words,  and  intellectual  arguments)  I  have  taken  ^i'nn°r'*of"'* 
the  course  (as  a  specimen  of  the  Political  Arith-  ="'^'"^- 
metic  I  have  long  aimed  at)  to  express  myself  in  Terms  of 
Number,  Weight,  or  Measure ;  to  use  only  arguments  of 
sense,  and  to  consider  only  such  causes  as  have  visible 
foundations  in  Nature  :  leaving  those  that  depend  upon  the 
mutable  minds,  opinions,  appetites,  and  passions  of  particular 
men,  to  the  consideration  of  others.  Really  professing  my- 
self as  unable  to  speak  satisfactorily  upon  those  grounds  (if 
they  may  be  called  grounds  !)  as  to  foretell  the  cast  of  a  die 
[dice],  to  play  well  at  tennis,  billiards,  or  bowls  (without  long 
practice)  by  virtue  of  the  most  elaborate  conceptions  that  ever 
have  been  written  de  projectilibus  et  missilibus,  or  of  the  angles 
of  incidence  and  reflection. 


8      Observations  set  forth  by  Number,  &c.  [^''T'^,%^: 

Now  the  Observations  or  Positions  expressed  by  Number, 
rhe  nature  of  Weight,  and  Measure,  upon  which  I  bottom  the 
tionranrsup-  ^nsuing  Discourses,  are  either  true,  or  not  ap- 
posiiions.  parentiy  false.  And  which  if  they  are  not  already 
true,  certain,  and  evident ;  yet  may  be  made  so  by  the 
Sovereign  Power,  Najn  id  certuin  est  quod  certum  reddi  potest. 
And  if  they  are  false,  not  so  false  as  to  destroy  the  argument 
they  are  brought  for :  but,  at  worst,  are  sufficient,  as  Sup- 
positions, to  shew  the  way  to  that  Knowledge  I  aim  at. 

And  I  have,  withal,  for  the  present,  confined  myself  to  the 
Ten  principal  Conclusions  hereafter  particularly  handled  : 
which  if  they  shall  be  judged  material,  and  worthy  of  a  better 
discussion ;  I  hope  all  ingenious  and  candid  persons  will 
rectify  the  errors,  defects,  and  imperfections,  which  probably 
may  be  found  in  any  of  the  Propositions,  upon  which  these 
ratiocinations  were  grounded.  Nor  would  it  misbecome 
Authority  itself,  to  clear  the  truth  of  those  matters  which 
private  endeavours  cannot  reach  to. 


J^± 


CHAPTER    I . 

That  a  small  country  and  few  people,  by  its  Situation,  Trade, 
and  Policy,  may  be  equivalent  in  wealth  and  strength  to  a  far 
greater  people  and  territory.  And,  particularly,  that  conveniences 
for  shipping  and  water  carriage,  do  most  eminently  and  funda- 
mentally conduce  thereunto. 

His  first  principal  Conclusion,  by  reason 
of  its  length,  I  consider  in  three  parts : 
whereof  the  first  is 

That  a  small  country  and  few  people  may 
be  equivalent  in  wealth  and  strength  to  a  far 
greater  people  and  territory. 

This  part  of  the  First  principal  Conclu- 
sion needs  little  proof :  foras-  How  one  Man 
much  as  one  acre  of  land  may  bear  as  much  corn  Acrl^fhn'dTy 
and  feed,  as  many  cattle,  as  twenty ;  by  the  dif-  improvement, 

'  <  '  ^        r      -^  J      •         maybeequiva- 

terence  of  the  sou.  bome  parcel  of  ground  is,  lent  to  many, 
naturally,  so  defensible,  as  that  an  hundred  men  being  pos- 
sessed thereof,  can  resist  the  invasion  of  five  hundred.  And 
bad  land  may  be  improved  and  made  good.  Bog  may,  by 
draining,  be  made  meadow.  Heathland  may,  as  in  Flanders, 
be  made  to  bear  flax  and  clover  grass  ;  so  as  to  advance  in 
value  from  one  to  a  hundred.  The  same  land,  being  built 
upon,  may  centuple  the  rent  which  it  yielded  as  pasture.  One 
man  is  more  nimble  or  strong,  and  more  patient  of  labour 
than  another.  One  man,  by  Art,  may  do  as  much  work  as 
many  without  it,  viz. :  one  man  with  a  mill  can  grind  as 
much  corn  as  twenty  can  pound  in  a  mortar.  One  printer 
can  make  as  many  copies  as  a  hundred  men  can  write  by 


10      A  COMPARISON  OF  HOLLAND  WITH  FrANCE.  [^'' ^ '  ^fgy^'. 

hand.  One  horse  can  carry  upon  wheels  as  much  as  five 
upon  their  backs,  and,  in  a  boat  or  upon  ice,  as  twenty.  So 
that  I  say  again,  this  First  point  of  this  general  Position 
needs  little  or  no  proof. 

But  the  Second  and  more  material  part  of  this  Conclusion 
is  that  this  difference  in  land  and  people,  arises  principally 
from  their  situation,  trade,  and  policy. 

To  clear  this,  I  shall  compare  Holland  and  Zealand  with 
A  comparison  thc  Kingdom  of  France  ;  viz.,  Holland  and  Zealand 
Zeiiand'J^ith"^  do  not  contain  above  1,000,000  of  English  acres. 
France.  Whcrcas  thc  Kingdom  of  France  contains  above 

80,000,000. 

Now  the  original  and  primitive  Difference  holds  proportion 
as  land  to  land  :  for  it  is  hard  to  say  that  when  these  places 
were  first  planted,  whether  an  acre  in  France  was  better 
than  the  like  quantity  in  Holland  and  Zealand  ;  nor  is  there 
any  reason  to  suppose  but  that,  therefore,  upon  the  first 
plantation,  the  number  of  planters  was  in  proportion  to  the 
quantity  of  land.  Wherefore,  if  the  people  are  not  in  the 
same  proportion  as  the  Land,  the  same  must  be  attributed 
to  the  situation  of  the  Land  and  to  the  trade  and  policy  of 
the  People  superstructed  thereupon. 

The  next  thing  to  be  shewn  is  that  Holland  and  Zealand, 
at  this  day,  is  not  only  an  eightieth  part  as  rich  and  strong 
as  France,  but  that  it  hath  advanced  to  one-third  or  there- 
abouts ;  which,  I  think,  will  appear  upon  the  balance  of 
the  following  particulars,  viz.  : 

As  to  the  wealth  of  France,  a  certain  Map  of  that  Kingdom, 
set  forth  anno  1647,  represents  it  to  be  ;£'i 5, 000,000,  whereof 
£"6,000,000  did  belong  to  the  Church  :  the  Author  thereof,  as 
I  suppose,  meaning  the  rents  of  the  Lands  only. 

And  the  Author  of  a  most  judicious  Discourse  of  Husbandry 
(supposed  to  be  Sir  Richard  Weston)  doth,  from  reason  and 
ThattheLands  experience,  shew  that  lands  in  the  Netherlands, 
tot^eTandsV  ^y  bearing  flax,  turnips,  clover  grass,  madder,  &c., 
Holland  and     ^ylll  easily  yield  -Pio  per  acre.    So  as  the  territories 

Zealand  as  8  to        r    t  t     1 1  r  i  ^rr        f         i        i  111  1    ■ 

I,  in  value.  of  Hollaud  aud  Zealand  should,  by  his  account, 
yield  at  least  £10,000,000  per  annum :  yet  I  do  not  believe  the 
same  to  be  so  much,  nor  France  so  little  as  above  said  :  but 
rather,  that  one  bears  to  the  other,  as  about  7  or  8  to  i. 


^'"Y-^f^Yj^TuE  ENTIRE  European  shipping  in  1677.     n 

The  people  of  Amsterdam  [about  160,000]  are  One-third  of 
those  in  Paris  or  London  [abcut  480,000]  :  which  J/^Amsterdam 
two  cities  differ  not  in  people,  a  twentieth  part  from  are  about  Hair 
each  other,  as  hath  appeared  by  the  Bills  of  burials  thosJ'a^Paris. 
and  christenings  for  each.  But  the  value  of  the  Buildings 
in  Amsterdam  may  well  be  half  that  of  those  of  Paris,  by 
reason  of  the  foundations,  grafts  [? piles]  and  bridges ;  which  in 
Amsterdam  are  more  numerous  and  chargeable  than  at  Paris. 

Moreover,  the  habitations  of  the  poorest  people  j^e  Housing 
in  Holland  and  Zealand  are  Twice  or  Thrice  as  inFrance 
good  as  those  of  France  :  but  the  people  of  the  one,  times  in'vaiue 
to  the  people  of  the  other,  being  as  13  to  i;  the  H^nandTnci 
value  of  the  Housing  must  be  as  about  5  to  i.         Zealand. 

The  value  of  the  Shipping  of  Europe,  being  about  2,000,000 
tons, 
I  suppose  the  English  have       ...  ...     500,000  Jf'^Hoi'ffi"^ 

the   Dutch        ...  ...  ...  ...        900,000     Nine  timesthat 

the  French    ...  ...  ...  ...     100,000 

the  Hamburgers,  and  subjects  of  Den- 
mark, Sweden,  and  the  town  of  Dantzic     250,000 
And  Spain,  Portugal,  Italy,  &c....  ...     250,000 

2,000,000 

So  as  the  Shipping,  in  our  case  of  France  to  that  of  Hol- 
land and  Zealand,  is  about  i  to  9 ;  which,  reckoned  at 
great  and  small,  new  and  old,  one  with  another,  at  ^8  per 
ton,  makes  the  worth  to  be  as  £800,000  to  ;^7, 200,000. 

The  Hollanders'  capital  in  the[ir]  East  Indian  Thecompari- 
Company  is  worth  above  ^^3, 000,000  ;  where  the  a",a°France^"n 
French,  as  yet,  have  little  or  nothing.  ''>^  ^"'•'^s. 

The  value  of  goods  exported  out  of  France  to  all  parts,  is 
supposed  to  be  quadruple  to  what  is  sent  to  Eng-  The  Expona- 
land  alone  [;£"i, 250,000] :  and  consequently  in  all  and  Honand" 
about  ;£5, 000,000 :  but  what  is  exported  out  of  ^s  to  21. 
Holland  into  England  is  worth  ^£'3, 000,000 ;  and  what  is 
exported  thence  into  all  the  world  besides,  is  sextuple  to  the 
same  [£3,000,000  +  £18,000,000  =  £21 ,000,000]. 

The  monies  yearly  raised  by  the  King  of  France,  as  the 
same  appears  by  the  book  entituled  The  State  of  xhe  Revenues 
France,  dedicated  to  the  King  ;  printed  amio  1669,  °^  France. 
and  set  forth   several  times  by  authority,   is  82,000,000  of 


12     The  taxes  of  the  United  Provinces,  [^""f'^^e^?. 

French  Livers,  which  is  about  ^6,500,000  sterHng.  Of  which 
sum,  the  Author  says  that  "  one-fifth  part  was  abated  for 
non-valuers  or  insolvencies "  so,  as  I  suppose,  not  above 
;£"5,ooo,ooo  were  effectually  raised. 

But  whereas,  some  say  that  the  King  of  France  raised 
5^11,000,000  as  the  One-fifth  of  the  effects  of  France  :  I 
humbly  affirm  that  all  the  land  and  sea  forces,  all  the  build- 
ings and  entertainments  which  we  have  heard  by  common 
fame,  to  have  been  set  forth  and  in  any  of  these  seven  last 
years  [?  1671-77]  needed  not  to  have  cost  ^^'G, 000, 000  sterling  ; 
wherefore  I  suppose  he  hath  not  raised  more,  especially 
since  that  were  One-Fifth  insolvencies,  when  the  tax  was  at 
that  pitch. 

But  Holland  and  Zealand,  paying  67  parts  of  the  100  paid 
Thetaxespaid  by  all  the  United  Provinces;  and  the  city  of 
and  Zealand.  Amsterdam  paying  27  of  the  said  67  parts:  it 
follows  that  if  Amsterdam  hath  paid  4,000  Flemish  Pounds 
per  diem,  or  about  1,400,000  Pounds  per  annum  or  ;^8oo,ooo 
sterling ;  that  Holland  and  Zealand  have  paid  ^^2, 100,000 
per  annum. 

Now  the  reasons  why  I  think  they  pay  so  much,  are  these, 
viz.  : 

1.  The  Author  of  the  State  of  the  Netherlands  saith  so. 

2.  The  excise  of  victuals  at  Amsterdam  seems  to  be  above 
half  the  original  value  of  the  same,  viz.  :  Ground  corn 
pays  20  stivers  the  bushel,  or  63  guilders  the  last. 
Beer  113  stivers,  the  barrel.  Housing,  one-sixth  of  the 
rent.  Fruit,  one-eighth  of  what  it  cost.  Other  com- 
modities one-seventh,  one-eighth,  one-ninth,  one-twelfth, 
&c.  Salt,  ad  libitum.  All  weighed  goods  pay,  besides 
the  premises,  a  vast  sum. 

Now  if  the  expense  of  the  people  of  Amsterdam,  at  a 
medium,  and  without  excise,  were  £8 per  annum;  whereas 
in  England,  it  is  £y.  then  if  all  the  several  imposts 
above  named  raise  it  to  £^  more  ;  there  being  160,000 
souls  in  Amsterdam,  the  sum  of  3^800,000  sterling  per 
annum  will  thereby  be  raised. 

3.  Though  the  expense  of  each  head  should  be  £1^ 
per  annum  :  it  is  well  known  that  there  be  few  in  Am- 
sterdam, who  do  not  earn  much  more  than  the  said 
expense. 


^''T^ilS  SUPERLUCRATION  OF   FrANCE  &  HoLLAND.       I  3 

4.  If  Holland  and  Zealand  pay  per  annum  ^Ta, 100,000 ; 
then  all  the  Provinces  together  must  pay  about 
3^3,000,000.  Less  than  which  sum  per  annum,  perhaps, 
is  not  sufficient  to  have  maintained  the  naval  war  with 
England,  72,000  land  forces,  besides  all  the  other 
ordinary  charges  of  their  Government,  whereof  the 
Church  is  there  a  part. 

To  conclude,  it  seems  from  the  premisses,  that  all 
France  doth  not  raise  above  thrice  as  much  from  the 
public  charge  as  Holland  and  Zealand  alone  do. 

5.  Interest  of  money  in  France  is  -£y  per  cent. ;  J/'i^nfer^j^"" 
but  in  Holland  scarcely  half  so  much.  between 

6.  The  countries  of  Holland  and  Zealand  con-  fv^c".'*^*^ 
sisting,  as  it  were,  of  islands  guarded  with  the  sea, 
shipping,  and  marshes,  is  defensible  at  one-fourth  of  the 
charge  that  a  plain  open  country  is,  and  where  the  seat 
of  war  may  be,  both  summer  and  winter  :  whereas  in  the 
others,  little  can  be  done  but  in  the  summer  only. 

7.  But  above  all  the  particulars  hitherto  considered,  that 
of  Superlucration  [the  national  capitalizing  of  Thesuper- 
wealth,  by  savings  out  of  income,  through  thrift,  betwienFrance 
industry,  and  economy  of  pcu'cr]  ought  chiefly  to  ^"'^  Holland, 
be  taken  in.  For  if  a  Prince  have  ever  so  many  subjects, 
and  his  country  be  ever  so  good :  yet  if  either  through 
sloth  or  extravagant  expenses,  or  oppression  and  injustice, 
whatever  is  gained  shall  be  spent  as  fast  as  gotten ;  that 
State  must  be  accounted  poor. 

Wherefore    let  it    be  considered,  how  much,  or  how 

many  times  rather,  Holland  and  Zealand  are  now  above 

what  they  were  a  hundred  years  ago  :  which  we  must 

also  do  of  France.     Now  if  France  hath  scarce  doubled 

its  wealth  and  power,  and  that  the  other  have  decupled 

theirs  ;    I  shall   give  the  preference  to  the  latter  even 

though  the  nine-tenths  increased  by  the  one,  should  not 

exceed  the  one-half  gained  by  the  other;  because  one 

has  a  store  for  nine  years,  the  other  but  for  one. 

To  conclude,  upon  the  whole,  it  seems  that  though  France 

be  in  People  to  Holland    and  Zealand  as  13  to  i ;    and  in 

quantity  of  good  Land,  as  80  to  i ;  yet  is  it  not  13  times 

richer  and  stronger,  much  less  80  times :  nor  much  above 

thrice.     Which  was  to  be  proved. 


14    Density  of  population,  a  national  gain.  P'""  7'  ^f"^^; 

Having  thus  despatched  the  Two  first  branches  of  the  First 
the^  dfffer"nci  principal  Conclusion  :  it  follows  to  shew  that  this 
between  Difference  of  Improvement  in  wealth  and  strength 

HoUand!"  ariscs  from  the  situation,  trade,  and  policy  of  the 
places  respectively :  and  in  particular  from  conveniences  for 
shipping  and  water  carriage. 

Many  writing  on  this  subject,  do  so  magnify  the  Hollanders 
as  if  they  were  more,  and  all  other  nations  less,  than  men,  as 
to  matters  of  trade  and  policy  ;  making  them  angels,  and 
others  fools,  brutes,  and  sots  as  those  particulars :  whereas, 
I  take  the  Foundation  of  their  achievements  to  lie  originally  in 
the  Situation  of  the  country  ;  whereby,  they  do  things  inimitable 
by  others,  and  have  advantages  whereof  others  are  incapable. 
The  reasons  First.  The  soil  of  Holland  and  Zealand  is  low 

is  better  than  laud,  Hch  and  fertile  ;  whereby  it  is  able  to  feed 
th^h''o"Ahe  rnany  men:  and  so,  as  that  men  may  live  near  each 
samerentand  other,  for  their  mutual  assistance  in  trade. 

consequently  ' 

why  Holland  I  Say  that  a  1,000  acres  that  can  feed  i,ooo 
Franc""  ''^"  souls,  are  better  than  io,ooo  acres  of  no  more 
effect ;  for  the  following  reasons : 

1.  Suppose  some  great  fabric  were  in  building  by  a  i,ooo 
men  :  shall  not  much  more  Time  be  spared,  if  they  lived 
all  upon  1,000  acres,  than  if  they  were  forced  to  live 
upon  ten  times  as  large  a  scope  of  land. 

2.  The  charge  of  the  Cure  of  their  souls  and  the  Ministry 
would  be  far  greater  in  one  case  than  in  the  other :  as 
also  of  Mutual  Defence,  in  case  of  invasion,  and  even 
of  thieves  and  robbers.  Moreover  the  charge  of  Ad- 
ministration of  Justice  would  be  much  easier,  where 
witnesses  and  parties  may  be  easily  summoned,  attend- 
ance less  expensive,  when  men's  actions  would  be  better 
known,  when  wrongs  and  injuries  could  not  be  covered 
as  in  thin  peopled  places  they  are. 

Lastly,  those  who  live  in  solitary  places,  must  be 
their  own  soldiers,  divines,  physicians,  and  lawyers ;  and 
must  have  their  houses  stored  with  necessary  provisions, 
like  a  ship  going  upon  a  long  voyage,  to  the  great  waste 
and  needless  expense  of  such  provisions. 
The  value  of  this  First  convenience  to  the  Dutch,  I  reckon 
or  estimate  to  be  about  ^^Tioo^ooo/'^r  annum. 

Secondly,  Holland  is  a  level  country,  so  as,  in  any  part 


^''^'^ilS?']  Merchandise,   Manufactures,  &c.     15 

thereof,  a  windmill  may  be  set  up  ;  and  by  its  being  moist 
and  vaporous,  there  is    always  wind  stirring  over  Theadvan- 
It  :    by   which    advantage,    the    labour    01    many  leyei,  and 
thousand   hands   is  saved,    forasmuch  as  a  mill,  Hoii^'d.^'  ° 
made  by  one  man  in  half  a  year,  will  do  as  much  labour  as 
four  men  for  five  years  together. 

This  advantage  is  greater  or  less,  where  employment  or 
ease  of  labour  is  so :  but  in  Holland  it  is  eminently  great, 
and  the  worth  of  this  convenience  is  nearly  ;£'i5o,ooo. 

Thirdly,  there  is  much  more  to  be  gained  by  Manufacture 
than  Husbandry;  and  by  Merchandise  than  Manu-  Theadvan- 
facture.     But  Holland  and  Zealand  being  seated  at  Houlnd,  from 
the  mouths  of  three  longgreat  rivers  passing  through  manufacture 

Ob  f_  &  fc>        and  commerce. 

rich  countries,  do  keep  all  the  inhabitants  upon  the  The  situation 
sides  of  those  rivers  but  as  husbandmen ;  whilst  zeairnd"upon 
they  themselves  are  the  manufactors  [mamifacturers]  JhreTgreat  °^ 
of  their  commodities :  and  do  dispense  them  into  "^^s. 
all  parts  of  the  world,  making  returns  for  the  same,  at 
what  prices  almost  they  please  themselves.  And,  in  short, 
they  keep  the  Keys  of  Trade  of  those  countries,  through 
which  the  said  rivers  pass. 

The  value    of  this  Third  conveniency,   I   suppose  to  be 

5^200,000. 

Fourthly,  in  Holland  and  Zealand,  there  is  scarcely  any 
place  of  work  or  business  one  mile  distant  from  a  ^^^^^"""^j^'iy" 
navigable  water  :  and  the  charge  of  water  carriage  l^tlm. 
is  generally  but  one-fifteenth  or  one-twentieth  part  of  land 
carriage.  Wherefore,  if  there  be  as  much  trade  there  as  in 
France,  then  the  Hollanders  can  outsell  the  French  fourteen- 
fifteenths  of  all  the  expense  of  all  travelling,  postage,  and 
carriage  whatsoever :  which  even  in  England  I  take  to  be 
;^300,ooo  per  annum,  where  the  very  postage  of  letters  costs 
the  people  perhaps  jr50,ooo  per  annum,  though  farmed  at 
much  less ;  and  all  other  labour  of  horses  and  porters  at 
least  six  times  as  much. 

The  value  of  this  conveniency,  I  estimate  to  be  above 
;f  300,000  per  annum. 

Fifthly,  the  defensibleness  of  the  country  by  reason  of  its 
situation  in  the  sea,  upon  islands  and  in  the  marshes,  ih^e defensible- 
impassable  ground  diked  and  trenched  ;  especially  Holland. 
co.isidering  how  that  place  is  aimed  at,  for  its  wealth. 


1 6     All  the  European  trade  is  ^45,000,000.  [^"  J-  ^^^n'. 

I  say,  the  charge  of  defending  that  country  is  easier  than 
if  it  were  a  plain  champion,  at  least  £200,000  per  annum. 

Sixthly,  Holland  is  so  considerable  for  keeping  ships  in 
Harbouring  of  harbour,  with  small  expense  of  men  and  ground 
sraau'exp^'ense.  tacklc,  that  it  saves  per  annum  ^^200,000  of  what 
must  be  spent  in  France. 

Now,  if  all  these  natural  advantages  do  amount  to  above 
jf  1,000,000  per  annum  profits :  and  that  the  Trade  of  all 
Europe,  nay,  of  the  Whole  World  with  which  our  Europeans 
do  trade,  is  not  about  ;£'45, 000,000  per  annum,  and  if  one- 
thirtieth  of  the  Value  be  one-seventh  of  the  Profit,  it  is  plain 
that  the  Hollander  may  command  and  govern  the  whole  trade. 

Seventhly,  those  who  have  their  situation  thus  towards  the 
Advantages  from  sca,  aud  abouud  with  fish  at  home;  and  having 
fishing.  also   the   command   of  shipping,  have    by  con- 

sequence the  fishing  trade;  whereof  that  of  herring  alone 
brings  more  yearly  profit  to  the  Hollanders,  than  the  trade 
of  the  West  Indies  to  Spain,  or  of  the  East  to  themselves : 
as  many  have  affirmed:  being,  as  the  same  say,  viis  et  modis, 
of  above  ^^3, 000,000  per  anmiDi  profit. 

Eighthly,  it  is  not  to  be  doubted,  but  that  those  who  have 
Advantages  by  thc  trade  of  shipping  and  fishing,  will  secure  them- 
provisions.  sclvcs  of  the  trade  of  timber  for  ships,  boats,  masts, 
and  caske ;  of  hemp  for  cordage,  sails,  and  nets ;  of  salt,  of 
iron  ;  as  also  of  pitch,  tar,  rosin,  brimstone,  oil,  and  tallow,  as 
necessary  appurtenances  to  shipping  and  fishing. 

Ninthly,  those  who  predominate  in  shipping  and  fishing, 
Fitness  for  havc  morc  occasions  than  others,  to  frequent  all 
universal  trade,  parts  of  thc  world,  aud  to  observe  what  is  wanting 
or  redundant  everywhere,  and  what  each  people  can  do,  and 
what  they  desire ;  and  consequently  to  be  the  Factors  and 
Carriers  for  the  Whole  World  in  Trade.  Upon  which  ground, 
they  bring  all  native  commodities  to  be  manufactured  at 
home  ;  and  carry  the  same  back,  even  to  that  country  in  which 
they  grew. 

All  which  we  see.  For  do  they  not  work  the  sugars  of  the 
West  Indies  ?  the  timber  and  iron  of  the  Baltic  ?  the  hemp 
of  Russia  ?  the  lead,  tin,  and  wool  of  England  ?  the  quicksilver 
and  silk  of  Italy  ?  the  yarns  and  dyeing  stuffs  of  Turkey  ? 

To  be  short.  In  all  the  ancient  States  and  Empires,  those 
who  had  the  shipping,  had  the  wealth.     And  if  2  per  cent,  in 


^"T^i6?7^  Seamen,  Artisans,  8i  Husbandmen.      17 

the  price  of  commodities  be,  perhaps,  20  per  cent,  in  the  gain; 
it  is  manifest  that  they  who  can,  in  ^^45, 000,000,  undersell 
others,  by  ^Ti, 000, 000  [i.e.,  nearly  2  per  cent.],  upon  account 
of  natural  and  intrinsic  advantages  only,  may  easily  have  the 
Trade  of  the  World,  without  such  angelical  wits  and  judge- 
ments as  some  attribute  to  the  Hollanders. 

Having  thus  done  with  their  Situation,  I  now  come  to  their 
Trade. 

It  is  commonly  seen  that  each  country  flourisheth  in  the 
manufacture  of  its  own  native  commodities,  viz.,  Artificial 
England,  for  woollen  manufacture ;  France,  for  of  Tr"adf" 
paper ;  Luic  land,  for  iron  ware ;  Portugal,  for  confectures 
[confectionary]',  Italy,  for  silks.  Upon  which  principle,  it 
follows  that  Holland  and  Zealand  must  flourish  most  in  the 
trade  of  shipping,  and  so  become  Carriers  and  Factors  of  the 
Whole  World  of  Trade. 

Now  the  advantages  of  the  Shipping  Trade  are  as  followeth, 
viz. : 

Husbandmen,  seamen,  soldiers,  artisans,  and  merchants 
are  the  very  Pillars  of  any  Commonwealth  :  Husbandmen, 
all  the  other  great  professions  do  rise  out  of  seamen,  soi-  ' 

.I        .     r  •.•  J  •  •  Til  XT  diers,  artisans, 

the  mnrmities  and  miscarriages  01  these.    Now  and  merchants 
the  seaman  is  three  of  these  four.     For  every  pni^sof7 
Seaman  of  industry  and  ingenuity,  is  not  only  ^"^[^"^da 
a  Navigator,  but  a  Merchant,  and  also  a  Sol-  seamaiiis 
dier;  not  because  he  hath  often  occasion  to 
fight  and  handle  arms,  but  because  he  is  familiarized 
with  hardship  and  hazards  extending  to  life  and  limbs. 
For  training  and  drilling  is  a  small  part  of  soldiery  in 
respect  of  this  last-mentioned  qualification :  the  one  being 
quickly  and  presently  learned;  theother,notwithoutmany 
years'  most  painful  experience.     Wherefore  to  have  the 
occasion  of  abounding  in  Seamen  is  a  vast  conveniency. 
2.  The  husbandmen  of   England   earns  but  about  4s.   a 
week;  but  the  seamen  have  as  good  as  12s.  in  ASeaman 
wages,  victuals,  and  as  it  were  housing,  with  ^^"^"^^5^"' 
other  accommodations :  so  as  a  seaman  is  in  Husbandmen, 
effect  three  husbandmen. 

Wherefore  there  is  little  ploughing  and  sowing  of  corn 
in  Holland  and  Zealand,  or  breeding  of  young  cattle  :  but 
B  3 


A  Seaman  equals  three  Husbandmen.  p'^'^S?' 

their  land  is  improved  by  building  houses,  ships,  engines, 
dykes,  wharfs,  gardens  of  pleasure,  extraordinary  flowers 
and  fruits ;  for  dairy  and  feeding  of  cattle,  for  rape,  flax, 
madder,  &c. — the  foundations  of  several  advantageous 
manufactures. 

Whereas  the  employment  of  other  men  is  confined 
to  their  own  country,  that  of  seamen  is  free  to  the  whole 
world  ;  so  as  where  Trade  may,  as  they  call  it,  be  dead, 
here  or  there,  now  and  then,  it  is  certain  that  somewhere 
or  other  in  the  world.  Trade  is  always  quick  enough,  and 
provisions  are  always  plentiful.  The  benefit  whereof, 
those  who  command  the  shipping  enjoy,  and  they  only. 
The  great  and  ultimate  effect  of  trade  is  not  wealth 
at  large  ;  but  particularly  abundance  of  silver,  gold,  and 
Silver,  gold,  jewels;  which  are  not  perishable,  nor  so  mutable 
unlS'*""*  as  other  commodities,  but  are  wealth  at  all 
Wealth.  times,  and  all  places:  whereas  abundance  of 

wine,  corn,  fowls,  flesh,  &c.,  are  riches  but  hie  et  nunc. 
So  as  the  raising  of  such  commodities,  and  the  following 
of  such  trade  which  does  store  the  country  with  gold, 
silver,  jewels,  &c.,  is  profitable  before  others. 

But  the  labour  of  seamen  and  freight  of  ships  are 
always  of  the  nature  of  an  exported  commodity :  the 
overplus  whereof,  above  what  is  imported,  brings  home 
money,  &c. 

,  Those  who  have  the  command  of  the  sea  trade, 
Reasons  why  may  work  at  easier  freight  with  more  profit 
^n  fo^'iS''^'^  than  others  at  greater.  For  as  cloth  must  be 
freight.  cheaper  made  when  one  cards,  another  spins, 

another  weaves,  another  draws,  another  dresses,  another 
presses  and  packs ;  than  when  all  the  operations  above 
mentioned  are  clumsily  performed  by  the  same  hand :  so 
those  who  command  the  trade  of  shipping,  can  build  long 
slight  ships  for  carrying  masts,  fir  timber,  boards,  balks 
[beams  or  rafters],  &c.;  and  short  ones  for  lead,  iron, 
stones,  &c. ;  one  sort  of  vessels  to  trade  at  ports  where 
they  need  never  lie  aground,  others  where  the),  must 
jump  upon  the  sand  twice  every  twelve  hours :  one  sort 
of  vessels  and  way  of  manning,  in  time  of  peace  and  for 
cheap  gross  [bulky]  goods,  another  for  war  and  precious 
commodities  :  one  sort  of  vessels  for  the  turbulent  sea, 


^"'7' 7677."]  '^^^  Policy  of  the  United  Provinces.      19 

another  for  inland  waters  and  rivers  ;  one  sort  of  vessels 
and  rigging  where  haste  is  requisite  for  the  maidenhead 
^Jirst  sales]  of  a  market,  another  where  one-third  or  one- 
fourth  of  the  time  makes  no  matter ;  one  sort  of  masting 
and  riggingfor  long  voyages,  another  for  coasting;  one  sort 
of  vessels  for  fishing,  another  for  trade ;  one  sort  for  war  for 
this  or  that  country,  another  for  burden  only.     Some  for 
oars,  some  for  poles,  some  for  sails,  and  some  for  draught 
by  men  or  horses.     Some  for  the  northern  navigations 
amongst  ice  ;  and  some  for  the  South,  against  worms,  &c. 
And  this  I  take  to  be  the  chief  of  several  reasons,  why 
the  Hollanders  can  go  at  less  freight  than  their  neigh- 
bours, viz.,  because  they  can  afford  a  particular  sort  of 
vessels  for  each  particular  trade. 
I  have  shewn  how  Situation  hath  given  them  shipping,  and 
how  Shipping  hath  given  them,  in  effect,  all  other  trade  ;  and 
how  Foreign  Traffic  must  give  them  as  much  Manufactures 
as  they  can  manage  themselves :  and  as  for  the  overplus,  make 
the  rest  of  the  world  but  as  workmen  to  their  shops. 

It  now  remains  to  shew  the  effects  of  their  Policy  super- 
structed  upon  these  Natural  Advantages,  and  not,  as  The  Policy  of 
some  think,  upon  the  excess  of  their  understandings,  "o"^"'*- 

I  have  omitted  to  mention,  the  Hollanders  were,  one 
hundred  years  since,  a  poor  and  oppressed  people  living  in  a 
country  naturally  cold,  moist,  and  unpleasant;  and  were  withal 
persecuted  for  their  heterodoxy  in  religion. 

From  hence  it  necessarily  followed,  that  this  people  must 
labour  hard,  and  set  all  hands  to  work;  rich  and  poor,  old 
and  young  must  study  the  Art  of  Number,  Weight,  and 
Measure,  must  fare  hard,  provide  for  impotents  and  orphans 
out  of  hope  to  make  profit  by  their  labours  ;  must  punish  the 
lazy  by  labour,  and  not  by  crippling  them.  I  say,  all  these 
particulars  (said  to  be  the  subtle  excogitations  of  the 
Hollanders)  seem  to  me  but  what  could  not  almost  have  been 
otherwise. 

Liberty  of  Conscience^  Registry  of  Conveyances,  small  Customs 
[import  duties].  Banks,  Lumbards  [pawnbrokers]  and  Law 
Merchant  rise  all  from  the  same  spring,  and  tend  to  the  same 
sea.  As  for  Lowncss  of  Interest,  it  is  also  a  necessary  effect  of 
all  the  premisses,  and  not  the  fruit  of  their  contrivance. 


20    Trade  value  of  Liberty  of  Conscience,  [^'"■^'^'e^^: 

Wherefore  we  shall  only  shew  in  particular  the  efficacy  of 
each ;  and  first  of  Liberty  of  Conscience. 

But  before  I  enter  upon  these,  I  shall  mention  a  practice" 
almost  forgotten,  whether  it  referreth  to  Trade  or  Policy  is 
Undermasting  Hot  material ;  which  is  the  Hollanders'  under- 
of  ships.  masting  and  sailing  such  of  their  shipping  as  carry 

cheap  and  gross  [bulky]  goods,  and  whose  sale  doth  not  depend 
much  upon  the  season. 

It  is  to  be  noted,  that  of  two  equal  and  like  vessels,  if  one 
spreads  i,6oo  yards  of  like  canvas,  and  the  other  2,500,  their 
speed  is  but  as  Four  to  Five:  so  as  one  brings  home  the  same 
timber  in  four  days  as  the  other  will  in  five.  Now  if  we  con- 
sider that  although  those  ships  be  but  four  or  five  days  under 
sail,  that  they  are  perhaps  thirty  upon  the  vo3'age :  so  as  one 
is  but  one-thirtieth  part  longer  upon  the  whole  voyage  than 
the  other,  though  one-fifth  longer  under  sail.  Now  if  masts, 
yards,  rigging,  cables,  and  anchors  do  all  depend  upon  the 
quantity  and  extent  of  the  sails,  and  consequently  hands 
also :  it  follows  that  the  one  vessel  goes  at  one-third  less 
Charge,  losing  but  one-thirtieth  of  the  Time  and  of  what 
depends  there  upon. 

I  now  come  to  the  first  Policy  of  the  Dutch,  viz..  Liberty  of 
c^Tdence  Consciencei  which  I  conceive,  they  grant  upon  these 
andtheRea-  grounds:  but  keeping  up  always  a  force  to  maintain 

sons  thereof     f,  i        o       r  j 

\n  Holland,    the  common  peace. 

1.  They  themselves  broke  with  Spain  to  avoid  the  im- 
position of  the  Clergy. 

2.  Dissenters  of  this  kind  are,  for  the  most  part,  thinking, 
sober,  and  patient  men ;  and  such  as  believe  that 
labour  and  industry  is  their  duty  towards  GOD  :  how 
erroneous  soever  their  opinions  be. 

3.  These  people  believing  in  the  Justice  of  GOD;  and 
seeing  the  most  licentious  persons  to  enjoy  most  of  the 
world  and  its  best  things,  will  never  venture  to  be  of  the 
same  religion  and  profession  with  voluptuaries  and  men 
of  extreme  wealth  and  power,  whom  they  think  to  have 
their  portion  in  this  world. 

4.  They  cannot  but  know  That  no  man  can  believe  what 
himself  pleases  :   and  to  force  men  to  say  they  believe, 


W.  Petty 


]  The  Heterodox  drive  most  of  the  Trade.     2 1 


what  they  do  not,  is  vain,  absurd,  and  without  honour  to 
GOD. 

5.  The  Hollanders  knowing  themselves  not  to  be  an  infalJ- 
ible  church,  and  that  others  had  the  same  Scriptures  for 
guides  as  themselves,  and  withal  the  same  Interest  to 
save  their  souls,  do  not  think  fit  to  make  this  matter 
their  business;  no  more  than  to  take  bonds  of  the  seamen 
they  employ,  not  to  cast  away  their  own  ships  and  lives. 

6.  The  Hollanders  observe  that,  in  France  and  Spain, 
especially  the  latter,  the  Churchmen  [Clergy]  are  about 
100  to  I  to  what  they  use  or  need  ;  the  principal  care  of 
whom,  is  to  preserve  Uniformity  :  and  this  they  take  to 
be  a  superfluous  charge. 

7.  They  observe  where  most  endeavours  have  been  used  to 
keep  Uniformity,  there  Heterodoxy  hath  most  abounded. 

8.  They  believe  that  if  one-fourth  of  the  people  were  hete- 
rodox, and  that  if  that  whole  quarter  should  (by  miracle) 
be  removed ;  that,  within  a  small  time,  one-fourth  of  the 
remainder  would  again  become  heterodox,  some  way  or 
other :  it  being  natural  for  men  to  differ  in  opinion  in 
matters  above  Sense  and  Reason  ;  and  for  those  who 
have  less  Wealth,  to  think  they  have  the  more  Wit  and 
Understanding,  especially  of  the  Things  of  GOD,  which 
they  think  chiefly  belong  to  the  poor. 

9.  They  think  the  case  of  the  primitive  Christians,  as 
it  is  represented  in  the  Ads  of  the  Apostles,  looks  like  that 
of  the  present  Dissenters  :  I  mean,  externally. 

Moreover,  it  is  to  be  observed  that  Trade  doth  not,  as 
somethink,  best  flourish  under  popular  Govern-  The  trade  of 
ments  :  but  rather  that  Trade  is  most  vigour-  chiefly"^!"?.  *' 
ously  carried  on,  in  every  State  and  Govern-  aged  by  the 

1111  r     1  1     Heterodox 

ment,  by  the  heterodox  part  01  the  same;  and  party. 
such  as  profess  opinions  different  from  what  are  publicly 
established.  That  is  to  say,  in  India,  where  the  Maho- 
metan religion  is  authorized ;  there  the  Banyans  are  the 
most  considerable  merchants.  In  the  Turkish  Empire, 
the  Jews  and  Christians.  At  Venice,  Naples,  Leghorn, 
Genoa,  and  Lisbon ;  Jews  and  non-Papist  merchant- 
strangers.  But  to  be  short,  in  that  part  of  Europe  where 
the  Roman  Catholic  religion  now  hath,  or  lately  hath  had 
establishment,  there  three-quarters  of  the  whole  trade  is 


2  2     Registries  of  Titles  to  Land^  &  Houses.  [^"  7'  ^,177: 

in  the  hands  of  such  as  have  separated  from  that  Church: 
that  is  to  say,  the  inhabitants  of  England,  Scotland,  and 
Ireland,  as  also  those  of  the  United  Provinces,  with  Den- 
mark, Sweden,  and  Norway,  together  with  the  subjects  of 
the  German  Protestant  Princes  and  the  Hanse  Towns,  do, 
at  this  day,  possess  three-quarters  of  the  Trade  of  the 
World.  And  even  in  France  itself;  the  Huguenots  are, 
proportionably,  far  the  greatest  traders. 

Nor  is  it  to  be  denied,  but  that  in  Ireland,  where  the  said 
Roman  religion  is  not  authorized :  there,  the  professors 
thereof  have  a  great  part  of  the  trade. 

From  whence  it  follows,  that  Trade  is  not  fixed  to  any 
species  of  Religion,  as  such  :  but  rather,  as  before  hath 
been  said,  to  the  heterodox  part  of  the  whole  :  the  truth 
whereof  appears  also,  in  all  the  particular  towns  of 
greatest  trade  in  England. 

Nor  do  I  find  reason  to  believe,  that  the  Roman  Catholic 
seamen  in  the  whole  world,  are  sufficient  to  man  effectually 
All  the  Pap-      a  Fleet  equal  to  what  the  King  of  England  now  hath: 

ists'  seamen  of    ,      ^  ^i  t>        •    i.  j  i  iL    • 

Europe  are  but  the  nou-Papist  scamcn  can  do  above  thrice  as 
cienfto'man  much.  Whcrcforc  he,  whom  this  latter  party  doth 
En  S's"*^  affectionately  own  to  be  their  head,  cannot  probably 
Fleet.  be  wronged  in  his  sea  concernments  by  the  other. 

From  whence  it  follows,  that  for  the  Advancement  of 
Trade,  if  that  be  a  sufficient  reason,  indulgence  must  be 
granted  in  Matters  of  Opinion  :  though  licentious  actings,  as 
even  in  Holland,  be  restrained  by  force. 

The  second  Policy,  or  help  to  trade  used  by  the  Hollanders, 
is  the  securing  the  Titles  to  Lands  and  Houses.  For  although 
Firm  Titles  to  lands  and  houses  may  be  called  terra  firnia  et  res 
Houses^"  immohilis ;  yet  the  title  unto  them  is  no  more  cer- 
tain than  it  pleases  the  Lawyers  and  Authority  to  make  them. 
Wherefore  the  Hollanders  do,  by  Registries  and  other  ways 
of  assurance,  make  the  title  as  immoveable  as  the  lands. 
For  there  can  be  no  encouragement  to  industry,  where  there 
is  no  assurance  of  what  shall  be  gotten  by  it ;  and  where,  by 
fraud  and  corruption,  one  man  may  take  away,  with  ease  and 
by  a  trick,  and  in  a  moment,  what  another  has  gotten  by 
many  years'  extreme  labour  and  pains. 

There  hath   been    much  discourse  about  the  introducing 


^" 7'  ^i";?:]  The   Dutch   banking  system.       23 

of  Registries  into    England.     The  Lawyers,    for   the   most 
part,  object  against  it,  alleging  that  titles  of  land  in  oftheintroduc- 

i-,        ,  1  rn     •        .^  1  j  -j  T '1  r  ing  of  Registries 

England  are  sufficiently  secure  already,  wherefore  into  England, 
omitting  the  considerations  of  small  and  oblique  reasons  pro 
et  contra  ;  it  were  good  that  enquiry  were  made  from  the 
Officers  of  several  Courts,  to  what  sum  or  value,  purchasers 
have  been  damnified  [robbed],  for  this  last  ten  years,  by  such 
fraudulent  conveyances  as  Registries  would  have  prevented  : 
the  tenth  part  whereof,  at  a  medium,  is  the  annual  loss  which 
the  people  sustain  for  want  of  them.  And  then,  computation 
is  to  be  made  of  the  annual  Charge  of  Registering  such  extra- 
ordinary conveyances  as  would  secure  the  title  of  lands. 
Now  by  comparing  these  two  sums,  the  question  so  much 
agitated  may  be  determined  :  though  some  think  that, 
though  few  are  actually  damnified  [damaged],  yet  that  all  are 
hindered  by  fear,  and  deterred  from  dealing. 

Their  third  Policy  is  their  Bank  :  the  use  whereof  is  to 
increase  Money,  or  rather  to  make  a  small  sum  The  Banks  oi 
equivalent  in  trade  to  a  greater.  Holland. 

For  the  effecting  whereof,  these  things  are  to  be  con- 
sidered— 

1.  How  much  money  will  drive  the  Trade  of  the  nation. 

2.  How  much  current  money  there  is  actually  in  the 
nation. 

3.  How  much  money  will  serve  to  make  all  payments  of 
under  ;^50  (or  any  other  more  convenient  sum) 
throughout  the  year. 

4.  For  what  sum,  the  Keepers  of  the  Bank  are  unquestion- 
able security. 

If  all  these  four  particulars  be  well  known,  then  it  may 
also  be  known,  how  much  of  the  ready  money  above  men- 
tioned may  be  safely  and  profitably  lodged  in  the  Bank,  and 
to  how  much  ready  current  money  the  said  deposited  money 
is  equivalent. 

As  for  example,  suppose  ;£'ioo,ooo  will  drive  the  Trade  of 

the  nation. 

And  suppose  there  be  but  ^60,000  of  ready  money  in 

the  same. 

Suppose  also   that    ^^20,000  will  drive  on,  and  answer 

all  payments  of  under  £s^- 


24    The  Dutch  avoid  badly  paying  pursuits,  p  Y'  ^Te/j. 

In  this  case  3^40,000  of  the  ^60,000  being  put  into  the  Bank, 
will  be  equivalent  to  £"80,000 :  which  jr8o,ooo,  and  ^£20,000 
kept  out  of  the  Bank,  do  make  up  5^100,000,  that  is  to  say, 
enough  to  drive  the  trade,  as  was  proposed. 

Where,  note,  that  the  Bank  Keepers  must  be  responsible 
for  double  the  sum  intrusted  with  them  ;  and  must  have 
power  to  levy  upon  the  General  [the  nation  at  large,  or  the  body 
of  shareholders]  what  they  happen  to  lose  unto  particular  men. 

Upon  which  grounds,  the  Bank  may  freely  make  use  of 
the  received  ;£"40,ooo :  whereby  the  said  sum,  with  the  like 
sum  in  credit,  makes  ;£'8o,ooo  ;  and  with  the  ^^20,000  reserved, 
are  ,^100,000. 

I  might  here  add  many  more  particulars  :  but  being  the 
same  as  have  already  been  noted  by  others,  I  shall  conclude 
with  adding  one  observation ;  which  I  take  to  be  of  con- 
sequence, viz. : 

That  the  Hollanders  do  rid  their  hands  of  two  trades 
The  Holland-  which  are  of  greatest  turmoil  and  danger;  and 
hX^dtr  yet  of  least  profit. 

or  foot  soldiers.  Thg  first,  whcrcof,  is  that  of  a  common  and  private 
soldier.  For  such  they  can  hire  from  England,  Scotland,  and 
Germany,  to  venture  their  lives  for  sixpence  a  day ;  whilst 
they  themselves  safely  and  quietly  follow  such  trades,  where- 
by the  meanest  of  them  gain  six  times  as  much.  And  withal, 
by  this  entertainment  of  such  strangers  for  soldiers,  their 
country  becomes  more  and  more  peopled :  forasmuch  as 
the  children  of  such  strangers  are  Hollanders,  and  take  to 
trades ;  whilst  new  strangers  are  admitted  ad  infinitum. 
Besides,  these  soldiers,  at  convenient  intervals,  do  at  least 
as  much  work  as  is  equivalent  to  what  they  spend. 

And  consequently,  by  this  way  of  employing  of  strangers 
for  soldiers,  they  people  the  country  and  save  their  own 
persons  from  danger  and  misery,  without  any  real  expense  ; 
effecting  by  this  method  what  others  have  in  vain  attempted 
by  Laws  for  Naturalizing  of  strangers;  as  if  men  could  be 
charmed  to  transplant  themselves  from  their  own  native, 
into  a  foreign  country,  merely  by  words,  and  for  the  bare 
leave  of  being  called  by  a  new  name.  In  Ireland,  Laws  of 
Naturalization  have  had  little  effect  to  bring  in  aliens ;  and 
it  is  no  wonder,  since  Englishmen  will  not  go  thither,  without 


^f6^^;]MANKIND,LIKE  LaND, WORTH  20 YEARS*  PURCHASE.     2  5 

they  may  have  the  pay  of  soldiers,  or  some  other  advantage 
amounting  to  maintenance. 


Having  intimated  the  way  by  which  the  Hollanders  do 
increase  their  people  ;  I  shall  here  digress  to  set  down  the 
way  of  computing  the  value  of  every  head,  one  with  another: 
and  that  by  the  instance  of  people  in  England,  viz. : 

Suppose  the  people  of  England  be  6,000,000  in  number  ; 
that  their  expense  at  £']  per  head,  be  ;^42, 000,000.  The  method.,- 
Suppose  also  that  the  rent  of  the  lands  be  vaK/len^ 
£8,000,000;  and  the  yearly  profit  of  all  personal  and  People, 
estate  be  £8,000,000  more.  It  must  needs  follow,  that  the 
labour  of  the  people  must  have  supplied  the  remaining 
£26,000,000.  The  which  multiplied  by  20  (the  mass  of  man- 
kind being  worth  twenty  years'  purchase  as  well  as  land), 
makes  £520,000,000,  as  the  value  of  the  whole  people  : 
which  number  divided  by  6,000,000  makes  above  £80  sterl- 
ing to  be  the  value  of  each  head  of  man,  woman,  and  child  ; 
and  of  adult  persons,  twice  as  much.  From  whence,  we  may 
learn  to  compute  the  loss  we  have  sustained  by  the  Plague, 
by  the  slaughter  of  men  in  war,  and  by  the  sending  them 
abroad  into  the  service  of  foreign  Princes. 


The  other  trade  of  which  the  Hollanders  have  rid  their 
hands,  is  the  old  patriarchal  trade  of  being  cow- keepers  ; 
and  in  a  great  measure,  of  that  which  concerns  the  plough- 
ing and  sowing  of  corn  :  having  put  that  employment  upon 
the  Danes  and  Polanders  {Pole^^  ;  from  whom  they  have 
their  young  cattle  and  corn. 

Now  here  we  may  take  notice,  that  as  trades  and  curious 
Arts  increase,  so  the  trade  of  husbandry  will  decrease ;  or 
else  the  wages  of  husbandmen  must  rise,  and  consequently 
the  rents  of  lands  must  fall. 

For  proof  whereof,  I  dare  affirm  that,  if  all  the  husband- 
men of  England,  who  now  earn  but  8rf.  a  day  [=25.  now] 
or  thereabouts,  could  become  tradesmen  [viechanics]  and  earn 
i6d.  a  day  [=45.  now]  (which  is  no  great  wages,  2s.  and 
2S.  6d.  [=6s.  a}id  ys.  6d.  now]  being  usually  given)  •  that  then, 
it  would  be  the  advantage  of  England  to   throw  up   their 


26    Anticipation  of  English  manufactures,  f ^'' 7" ''.I??; 

husbandry,  and  to  make  no  use  of  their  lands,  but  for  grass, 
horses,  milch  cows,  gardens,  and  orchards,  &c.  Which,  if  it 
be  so,  and  if  Trade  and  Manufacture  have  increased  in  Eng- 
land, that  is  to  say,  if  a  greater  part  of  the  people  apply 
themselves  to  those  faculties  than  there  did  heretofore  ;  and  if 
the  price  of  corn  be  no  greater  now  than  when  husbandmen 
Reasons  why  wcrc  morc  numcrous  and  tradesmen  fewer  ;  it 
rents  must  fall.  foUows  from  that  singlc  reason,  though  others  may 
be  added,  that  rents  of  land  must  fall.  As  for  example,  suppose 
the  price  of  wheat  be  5s.  or  6od.  the  bushel.  Now,  if  the  rent 
of  the  land  whereon  it  grows,  be  the  Third  Sheaf:  then  of 
the  6od.,  2od.  is  for  the  land,  and  40^.  for  the  husbandman. 
But  if  the  husbandman's  wages  should  rise  one-eighth  part, 
or  from  Sd.  to  gd.  per  diem,  then  the  husbandman's  share  in 
the  bushel  of  wheat  rises  from  4od.  to  45^/.  ;  and,  conse- 
quently, the  rent  of  the  land  must  fall  from  2od.  to  i^d. 
For  we  suppose  the  price  of  the  wheat  still  remains  the 
same,  especially  since  we  cannot  raise  it  :  for  if  we  did 
attempt  it,  corn  would  be  brought  in  to  us,  as  into  Holland, 
from  foreign  parts,  where  the  state  of  husbandry  was  not 
changed. 


And  thus  I  have  done  with  the  First  principal  Conclusion, 
that  a  small  territory  and  even  a  few  people,  may  by  Situation, 
Trade,  and  Policy,  be  made  equivalent  to  a  greater  ;  and  that  con- 
venience for  shipping  and  water  carriage  do  most  eminently  and 
fundamentally  conduce  thereunto. 


CHAPTER    II. 

That  some  kind  of  taxes  and  public  levies  may  rather  increase, 
than  diminish  the  wealth  of  the  kingdom. 

F  THE  money  or  other  effects  levied  from  the 
people  by  way  of  tax,  were  destroyed  and  ^^^^^^^'''^'/"om 
annihilated  ;  then  it  is  clear  that  such  hand°"t7hand] 
levies  would  diminish  the  Common  -p™'^'-'''^  °'- 
Wealth.  Or  if  the  same  were  exported  out  of  the  kingdom, 
without  any  return  at  all ;  then  the  case  would  be  also  the 
same  or  worse. 


^"T  ^,1^:]DURATI0N,  THE  TEST  OF  NATIONAL  WeALTH.    2y 

But  if  what  is  levied  as  aforesaid  be  only  transferred 
from  one  hand  to  another ;  then  we  are  only  to  consider, 
Whether  the  said  money  or  commodities  are  taken  from 
an  improving  hand,  and  given  to  an  ill  husband  ;  or  vice 
versa  ? 

As,  for  example,  suppose  that  money,  by  way  of  tax,  be 
taken  from  one  who  spendeth  the  same  in  superfluous  eating 
and  drinking,  and  delivered  to  another  who  employeth  the 
same  in  improving  of  land,  in  fishing,  in  working  of  mines, 
in  manufacture,  &c.  ;  it  is  manifest  that  such  tax  is  an 
advantage  to  the  State  whereof  the  said  different  persons 
are  members. 

Nay,  if  money  be  taken  from  him,  who  spendeth  the  same, 
as  aforesaid,  upon  eating  and  drinking,  or  any  other  perishing 
commodity ;  and  the  same  be  transferred  to  one  that 
bestoweth  it  on  Clothes  :  I  say,  that,  even  in  this  case,  the 
Common  Wealth  hath  some  little  advantage  ;  because  clothes 
do  not  altogether  perish  so  soon  as  meat  and  drinks.  But  if 
the  same  be  spent  in  Furniture  of  Houses,  the  advantage  is 
yet  a  little  more  ;  if  in  Building  of  Houses,  yet  more  ;  if  in 
Improving  of  Lands,  working  of  mines,  fishing,  &c.,  yet  more  : 
but,  most  of  all,  in  bringing  gold  and  silver  into  the  country, 
because  those  things  are  not  only  not  perishable ;  but  are 
esteemed  for  wealth  at  all  times  and  everywhere.  Whereas 
other  commodities  which  are  perishable,  and  whose  value 
depends  upon  the  fashion,  or  which  are  contingently  scarce 
and  plentiful,  are  Wealth  but  pro  hie  et  nunc  ;  as  shall  be  else- 
where said. 

In  the  next  place,  if  the  people  of  any  country,  who  have 
not  already  a  full  employment,  should  be  enjoined  Taxing  of  new 
or  taxed  to  work  upon  such  commodities  as  are  im-  ^"'h^common 
ported  from  abroad  :  I  say,  that  such  a  tax  also  weaith. 
doth  improve  the  Common  Wealth. 

Moreover,  if  persons  who  live  by  begging,  cheating,  steal- 
ing, gaming,  borrowing  without  intention  of  re-  The  taxing  of 
storing ;  who,  by  those  ways,  do  get  from  the  ^'*'^'■^• 
credulous  and  careless,  more  than  is  sufficient  for  the  sub- 
sistence of  such  persons ;  I  say,  that  although  the  State 
should  have  no  present  employment  for  such  persons,  and 
consequently  should  be  forced  to  bear  the  whole  charge  of 
their  livelihood  :  yet  it  were  more  for  the  public  profit,  to  give 


28     Common  Wealth  rests  on  material  things,  [^fg^; 

all  such  persons  a  regular  and  competent  allowance  by 
public  tax,  than  to  suffer  them  to  spend  extravagantly  at  the 
only  charge  of  careless,  credulous,  and  good-natured  people  ; 
and  to  expose  the  Common  Wealth  to  the  loss  of  so  many 
able  men,  whose  lives  are  taken  away  for  the  crimes  which  ill 
discipline  doth  occasion. 

On  the  contrary,  if  the  stocks  [capital]  of  laborious  and  in- 
genious men,  who  are  not  only  beautifying  the  country  where 
they  live,  by  elegant  diet,  apparel,  furniture,  housing,  pleasant 
gardens,  orchards,  and  public  edifices,  &c. ;  but  are  also  in- 
creasing the  gold,  silver,  and  jewels  of  the  country  by  trade 
and  arms :  I  say,  if  the  stock  of  these  men  should  be 
diminished  by  a  tax,  and  transferred  to  such  as  do  nothing  at 
all  but  eat  and  drink,  sing,  play,  and  dance ;  nay,  to  such  as 
study  the  metaphysics  or  other  needless  speculation,  or  else 
employ  themselves  in  any  other  way  which  produces  no 
material  thing,  or  things  of  real  use  and  value  in  the  Common 
Wealth— in  this  case,  I  say  the  Wealth  of  the  Public  will  be 
diminished  ;  otherwise  than  as  such  exercises  are  recreations 
and  refreshments  of  the  mind,  and  which,  being  moderately 
used,  do  gratify  and  dispose  men  to  what  is  in  itself  more 
considerable. 

Wherefore  upon  the  whole  matter,  to  know  whether  a 
A  Judgement  tax  will  do  good  or  harm,  the  state  of  the  people 
a^e'^id'vanta"  ^^d  their  employments  must  be  well  known,  that 
geous.  is  to  say  : 

What  part  of  the  people  are  unfit  for  labour  by  their 
infancy  or  impotency ;  and  also  what  part  are  exempt 
from  the  same  by  reason  of  their  wealth,  function,  or 
dignities,  or  by  reason  of  their  charge  and  employments 
otherwise  than  in  governing,  directing,  and  preserving 
those  who  are  appointed  to  Labour  and  Arts  ? 

2.  In  the  next  place,  computation  must  be  made,  What 
part  of  those  who  are  fit  for  Labour  and  Arts  as  afore- 
said, are  able  to  perform  the  work  of  the  Nation,  in  its 
present  state  and  measure  ? 

3.  It  is  to  be  considered.  Whether  the  remainder  can  make 
all,  or  any  part  of  those  commodities  which  are  imported 
from  abroad  ?  which  of  them  ?  and  how  much  in  par- 
ticular ?  The  remainder  of  which  sort  of  people,  if  any 
be,  may,  safely,  and  without  possible  prejudice  to  the 


SirW.Petty.j    Jj^g    PRINCIPLES    OF    DUTCH    TAXATION.  29 

Common  Wealth,  be  employed  in  Arts  and  exercises  of 
pleasure  and  ornament  :  the  greatest  whereof,  is  the 
improvement  of  natural  knowledge  [natural  science]. 

Having  thus,  in  general,  illustrated  this  point ;  which,  I 
think,  needs  no  other  proof  but  illustration  :  I  come  next  to 
intimate  that  no  part  of  Europe  hath  paid  so  much,  by  way 
of  tax  and  public  contribution,  as  Holland  and  Zealand,  for 
this  last  hundred  years ;  and  yet  no  country  hath,  in  the 
same  time,  increased  its  wealth  comparably  to  them.  And  it 
is  manifest  that  they  have  followed  the  general  considerations 
above  mentioned,  for  they  tax  meats  and  drinks  most  heavily 
cff  all,  to  restrain  the  excessive  expense  of  those  things  which 
twenty-four  hours  doth,  as  to  the  use  of  man,  wholly  annihi- 
late ;  and  they  are  more  favourable  to  commodities  of  greater 
duration. 

Nor  do  they  tax  according  to  what  men  gain,  but  in  extra- 
ordinary cases  :  but  always  according  to  what  men  spend ; 
and,  most  of  all,  according  to  what  they  spend  needlessly, 
and  without  prospect  of  return. 

Upon  which  grounds,  their  Customs  upon  goods  imported 
and  exported  are  generally  low  ;  as  if  they  intended  by  them, 
only  to  keep  an  account  of  their  Foreign  Trade  ;  and  to  re- 
taliate upon  their  neighbouring  States,  the  prejudices  done 
them,  by  their  prohibitions  and  impositions. 

It  is  further  to  be  observed,  that,  since  the  year  1636,  the 
taxes   and  public  levies   made    in    England,  Scotland,   and 
Ireland,  have  been  prodigiously  greater  than  at  any  itispmbabie 
time  heretofore ;  and  yet  the  said  kingdoms  have  and  Sand 
increased  in  their  wealth  and  strength  for  these  last  a.>-<=  grown 

°  richer  under 

forty   years   [1637-1077,  therefore    this   Essay   was  taxes. 
written  about  1677],  as  shall  hereafter  be  shown. 

It  is  said,  that  the  King  of  France,  at  present,  doth  levy 
the  Fifth  Part  of  his  people's  wealth  ;  and  yet  great  thc  difference 
ostentation    is   made   of  the   present   riches    and  revenues, 
strength  of  that  Kingdom. 

Now,  great  care  must  be  had  in  distinguishing  between 
the  wealth  of  the  People,  and  that  of  an  Absolute  Monarch, 
who  taketh  from  the  people,  where,  when,  and  in  what  pro- 
portion he  pleaseth. 

Moreover,  the  subjects  of  two  monarchs  may  be  equally 
rich;    and  yet  one  monarch  may  be  double  as  rich  as  the 


30    Louis  XIV.  has  ^  of  wealth  of  France.  ',''•  f^^l%- 

other,  viz.  :  if  one  take  the  tenth  part  of  the  peoples'  sub- 
stance to  his  own  dispose  [disposal] ;  and  the  other  but  the 
twentieth. 

Nay,  the  monarch  of  a  poorer  people  may  appear  more 
splendid  and  gracious  than  that  of  a  richer :  which,  perhaps, 
may  be  somewhat  the  case  of  France,  as  shall  be  examined. 

As  an  instance  and  application  of  what  has  been  said,  I 
conceive  that  in  Ireland,  wherein  are  about  1,200,000  people, 
maybem^re  ^""^  nearly  300,000  smokes  or  hearths,  it  were 
advantage-  more  profitable  for  the  King  that  each  Head  paid 
Tvoi^TnfhJ.  2s.  [=6s.  now]  worth  of  flax,  than  that  each  Smoke 
should  pay  2s.  in  silver.     And  that  for  the  following  reasons  : 

Ireland  being  under-peopled,  and  land  and  cattle  being 
very  cheap ;  there  being  everywhere  store  of  fish  and  fowl ; 
the  ground  yield  excellent  roots  (and  particularly  that  bread- 
like root.  Potatoes) ;  and  withal  they  being  able  to  perform 
their  husbandry  with  such  harness  and  tackle  as  each  man 
can  make  with  his  own  hands ;  and  living  in  such  houses  as 
almost  every  man  can  build ;  and  every  housewife  being  a 
spinner  and  dyer  of  wool  and  yarn  :  they  can  live  and  subsist 
after  their  present  fashion,  without  the  use  of  gold  and  silver 
money ;  and  can  supply  themselves  with  the  necessaries 
above  mentioned,  without  labouring  two  horns  per  diem. 

Now,  it  hath  been  found  that,  by  reason  of  insolvencies 
arising  rather  from  theuselessness,  than  want,  of  money  among 
these  poor  people  ;  that  from  300,000  hearths,  which  should 
have  yielded  £^0,000  per  annum,  not  ^^15,000  of  money  could 
be  levied.  Whereas  it  is  easily  imagined  that  four  or  five 
persons,  dwelling  in  that  cottage  which  hath  but  one  smoke, 
could  easily  have  planted  a  ground  plot,  of  about  forty  feet 
square,  with  flax,  or  the  fiftieth  part  of  an  acre :  for  so  much 
ground  will  bear  8s.  or  los.  worth  of  that  commodity,  and 
the  rent  of  so  much  ground,  in  few  places  amounts  to  a 
penny  per  annum.  Nor  is  there  any  skill  requisite  to  this 
practice,  wherewith  the  country  is  not  already  familiar. 

Now  as  for  a  market  for  the  flax,  there  is  imported  into 
Holland  itself,  over  and  above  what  that  country  produces, 
as  much  flax  as  is  there  sold  for  between  3^160,000  and 
£200,000;  and  into  England  and  Ireland  is  imported  [from 
Holland]  as  much  linen  cloth  made  of  flax,  and  there  spent 


SirW.  Peuy.J      Jrish    TAXES    TO    BE    PAID    IN    FlAX.  3 1 

[iised]  as  is  worth  above  half  a  million  of  money.  As  shall  be 
shewn  hereafter. 

Wherefore,  having  shewn  that  silver  money  is  useless  to 
the  poor  people  of  Ireland  ;  that  half  the  hearth  money  could 
not  be  raised  by  reason  thereof;  that  the  people  are  not  a 
fifth  part  employed  ;  that  the  people  and  land  of  Ireland  are 
competently  qualified  for  flax  ;  that  one  pennyworth  of  land 
produces  105.  worth  of  the  same  ;  and  that  there  is  market 
enough,  and  enough  for  ;^ioo,ooo  worth :  I  conceive  my 
Proposition  sufficiently  proved ;  at  least,  to  set  forwards  and 
promote  a  practice,  which  both  the  present  Law  and  Interest 
of  the  country  doth  require.  Especially,  since  if  all  the  flax 
so  produced  should  yield  nothing,  yet  there  is  nothing  lost ; 
the  same  time  having  been  worse  spent  before. 

Upon  the  same  grounds,  the  like  tax  of  2s.  per  head  may 
be  raised  with  the  like  advantage  upon  the  people  of  Eng- 
land, which  will  amount  to  ^^600, 000  per  annum ;  to  be  paid 
in  Flax  manufactured  into  all  sorts  of  Linens,  threads,  tapes, 
and  laces ;  which  we  now  receive  from  France,  Flanders, 
Holland,  and  Germany :  the  value  whereof  doth  far  exceed 
the  sum  last  mentioned,  as  hath  appeared  by  the  examina- 
tion of  particulars. 

It  is  observed  by  clothiers  and  others,  who  employ  great 
numbers  of  poor  people,   that  when    corn   is  ex-  Duties  upon 

1  1-ciii  11  r       1  ■       redundant 

tremely  plentiful,  that  the  labour  of  the  poor  is  commodities 
proportionably  dear ;  and  scarcely  to  be  had  at  all :  {r^mi'^s''tax. 
so  licentious  are  they  who  labour  only  to  eat,  or  rather  to  drink. 

Wherefore,  when  so  many  acres  sown  with  corn,  as  do 
usually  produce  a  sufficient  store  for  the  nation,  shall  pro- 
duce perhaps  double  to  what  is  expected,  or  necessary ;  it 
seems  not  unreasonable  that  this  common  blessing  of  GOD 
should  be  applied  to  the  common  good  of  all  people,  repre- 
sented by  their  Sovereign  ;  much  rather  than  that  the  same 
should  be  abused  by  the  vile  and  brutish  part  of  mankind,  to 
the  prejudice  of  the  Common  Wealth  :  and  consequently  that 
such  surplusage  of  corn  should  be  sent  to  public  storehouses  ; 
from  thence  to  bedisposed  of,  to  the  best  advantage  of  the  public. 

Now,  if  the  corn  spent  in  England,  at  5s.  ^=155.  7iow]  per 
bushel  of  wheat,  and  2s.  M.  of  barley,  be  worth  5^10,000,000 
commnnibns  annis ;  it  follows  that  in  years  of  great  plenty, 
when   the   grains   are   one-third  part  cheaper,  that  a  vast 


33     English  Taxes  payable  in  Linen,  p^'^fe";' 

advantage  might  accrue  to  the  Common  Wealth,  which  is 
now  spent  in  overfeeding  of  the  people  in  quantity  or  quality, 
and  so  indisposing  them  to  their  usual  labour. 

The  like  may  be  said  of  Sugar,  Tobacco,  and  Pepper, 
which  custom  hath  now  made  necessary  to  all  sorts  of 
people ;  and  which  the  overplanting  of  them,  hath  made  un- 
reasonably cheap.  I  say,  it  is  not  absurd  that  the  Public 
should  be  advantaged  by  this  extraordinary  plenty. 

That  an  excise  should  be  laid  upon  Currants  also  is  not 
unreasonable :  not  only  for  this,  but  also  for  other  reasons. 

The  way  of  the  present  Militia,  or  Trained  Bands,  is  a 
Of  the  tax  by    crentlc  tax  upon  the  country:  because  it  is  only  a 

a  Grand  ?  j  .     i     i  •        i.u  £  £  ■ 

Militia,  and  icw  days  labour  m  the  year,  ot  a  tew  men  m 
sorteof  armfes.  rcspect  to  the  wholc ;  using  their  own  goods,  that 
is,  their  own  arms. 

Now,  if  there  be  3,000,000  of  males  in  England,  there  be 
about  200,000  of  them  who  are  between  the  age  of  sixteen 
and  thirty,  unmarried  persons,  and  who  live  by  their  labour 
and  service :  for  of  so  many,  or  thereabouts,  the  present 
Militia  consists. 

Now,  if  150,000  of  these  were  armed  and  trained  as  Foot, 
and  50,000  as  Horse  (Horse  being  of  special  advantage  in 
islands),  the  said  forces  at  land,  with  30,000  men  at  sea, 
would,  by  GOD's  ordinary  blessing,  defend  this  nation, 
being  an  island,  against  any  force  in  view. 

But  the  Charge  of  arming,  disciplining,  and  rendezvousing 
all  these  men,  twice  or  thrice  a  year,  would  be  a  very  gentle 
tax  levied  by  the  people  themselves,  and  paid  to  themselves. 

Moreover,  if  out  of  the  said  number,  one-third  part  were 
selected,  of  such  as  are  more  than  ordinarily  fit  and  disposed 
for  war,  to  be  exercised  and  rendezvoused  fourteen  or  fifteen 
times  per  annum ;  the  charge  thereof,  being  but  a  fortnight's 
pay,  would  also  be  a  very  gentle  tax. 

Lastly,  if  out  of  this  last-mentioned  number,  one-third 
again  should  be  selected  ;  making  about  16,000  Foot  and 
nearly  6,000  Horse  to  be  exercised  and  rendezvoused  forty 
days  in  the  year:  I  say,  that  the  Charge  of  all  these  three 
Militias,  allowing  the  latter  six  weeks'  pay  per  annmn,  would 
not  cost  d^hoxe.  £120,000  per  annum;  which  I  take  to  bean 
easy  burden  for  so  great  a  benefit. 


^^y-^'g"?;]^^^'^^" '^^^^s  ^^^^^^^  IN  Herrings.    33 

Forasmuch  as  the  present  Navy  of  England  requires 
36,000  men  to  man  it ;  and  for  that  the  EngHsh  For  supplying 
Trade  of  Shipping  requires  about  48,000  men  to  MtrSanLr"'^ 
manage  it  also  :  it  follow  that  to  perform  both  well,  with  seamen. 
there  ought  to  be  about  72,000  men  (and  not  84,000)  com- 
petently quahfied  for  these  services.  For  want  whereof,  we 
see  that  it  is  a  long  while  before  a  Royal  Navy  can  be 
manned  :  which  till  it  be,  it  is  of  no  effectual  use,  but  lies  at 
charge.  And  we  see  likewise,  upon  these  occasions,  that 
merchants  are  put  to  great  straights  and  inconveniences,  and 
do  pay  excessive  rates  for  the  carrying  on  their  trade. 

Now  if  24,000  able-bodied  tradesmen  [artisans]  were,  by  6,000 
of  them^^r  annum,  brought  up  and  fitted  for  sea  service  ;  and 
for  their  encouragement  allowed  205.  [  =  £^  now]  per  annum 
for  every  year  they  had  been  at  sea,  even  when  they  stay  at 
home,  not  exceeding  £6  for  those  who  have  served  six  years 
or  upward  ;  it  follows  that  about  ;r72,ooo,  at  the  medium  of 
£^  per  man,  would  salariate  the  whole  number  of  24,000. 

And  so,  forasmuch  as  half  the  seamen  which  manage  the 
merchants'  trade,  are  supposed  to  be  always  in  harbour,  and 
are  about  24,000  men ;  the  said  half  together  with  the 
Auxiliaries  last  mentioned,  would,  upon  all  emergencies,  man 
out  the  whole  Royal  Navy  with  36,000,  and  leave  to  the 
Merchants  12,000  of  the  abler  Auxiliaries  to  perform  their  busi- 
ness in  harbour  till  others  come  home  from  sea.  And  thus 
36,000,  24,000,  and  12,000  make  the  72,000  above  mentioned. 

I  say  that  more  than  this  sum  of  ;^72,ooo  is  fruitlessly 
spent  and  overpaid  by  the  Merchants,  whensoever  a  great 
fleet  is  to  be  fitted  out. 

Now  these,  whom  I  call  Auxiliary  Seamen,  are  such  as 
have  another  trade  besides,  wherewith  to  maintain  themselves 
when  they  are  not  employed  at  sea  :  and  the  charge  of  main- 
taining them,  though  £"72,000  per  annum,  I  take  to  be  little 
or  nothing,  for  the  reasons  above  mentioned,  and  conse- 
quently an  easy  tax  to  the  people,  because  levied  by,  and 
paid  to  themselves. 

As  we  propounded  that  Ireland  should  be  taxed  with  flax; 

England,  by  linen  and  other  manufactures  of  the  a  herring  tax 

same;  I  conceive  that  Scotland  also  might  be  taxed  "p°" Scotland. 

as  much  [i.e.,  £-^0,000],  to  be  paid  in  herrings,  as  Ireland  in  flax. 

C  3 


34     Men-of-war  of  300  to  1,300  tons  are  best.  Pg^; 

Now  the  three  taxes,  viz.,  of  Flax,  Linen,  and  Herrings ; 
and  the  maintenance  of  the  triple  Militia,  and  of  the 
Auxiliary  Seamen  above  mentioned,  do,  all  five  of  them 
together,  amount  to  jTijOOOjOoo  of  money.  The  raising 
whereof  is  not  a  million  spent,  but  gain  unto  the  Common 
Wealth  ;  unless  it  can  be  made  to  appear  that,  by  reason  of 
all  or  any  of  them,  the  exportation  of  woollen  manufactures, 
lead,  and  tin  are  lessened  ;  or  of  such  commodities  as  our 
own  East  and  West  India  trade  do  produce :  forasmuch  as 
I  conceive  that  the  Exportation  of  these  last-mentioned 
commodities  is  the  Touchstone  whereby  the  wealth  of 
England  is  tried,  and  the  Pulse  whereby  the  health  of  the 
Kingdom  may  be  discerned. 

CHAPTER    III. 

That  France  cannot,  by  reason  of  natural  and  perpetual  impedi- 
ments, be  more  powerful  at  sea  than  the  English  or  Hollanders 
now  are,  or  may  be. 

OwER  at  sea  consists  chiefly  of  Men  able  to  fight  at 
sea  ;  and  that,  in  such  shipping  as  is  most  The  qualities 
proper  for  the  seas  wherein  they  serve  :  °he^''JefencVof 
and  those  are,  in  these  Northern  seas,  England. 
ships  from  between  300  to  1,300  tons;  and  of  those,  such  as 
draw  much  water,  and  have  a  deep  latch  [hold]  in  the  sea,  in 
order  to  keep  a  good  wind,  and  not  fall  to  leeward,  a  matter 
of  vast  advantage  in  sea  service. 

Wherefore  it  is  to  be  examined,  Whether  the  King  of 
France  hath  ports  in  the  Northern  seas  (where  he  hath  most 
occasion  for  his  fleets  of  war,  in  any  contests  with  England), 
able  to  receive  the  vessels  above  mentioned,  in  all  weathers, 
both  in  winter  and  summer  season  ? 

For  if  the  King  of  France  would  bring  to  sea  an  equal 
number  of  fighting  men  with  England  and  Holland,  in  small 
floaty  leeward  vessels,  he  would  certainly  be  of  the  weaker 
side.  For  a  vessel  of  1,000  tons,  manned  with  500  men, 
fighting  with  five  vessels  of  200  tons,  each  manned  with  100 
men  apiece,  shall,  in  common  reason,  have  the  better,  offen- 
sively arid  defensively :  forasmuch  as  the  great  ship  can 
carry  such  ordnance  as  can  reach  the  small  ones  at  a  far 


^fgjy;]  Few  good  harbours  on  the  West  of  France.    35 

greater  distance  than  those  can  reach,  or  at  least  hurt  the 
other;  and  can  batter  and  sink  at  a  distance,  when  small  ones 
can  scarce  pierce. 

Moreover,  it  is  more  difficult  for  men,  out  of  a  small  vessel 
to  enter  a  tall  ship ;  than  for  men  from  a  higher  place  to  leap 
down  into  a  lower :  nor  is  small  shot  [musketry]  so  effectual 
upon  a  tall  ship,  as  vice  versa. 

And  as  for  vessels  drawing  much  water,  and  consequently 
keeping  good  wind ;  they  can  take  or  leave  leeward  vessels 
at  pleasure,  and  secure  themselves  from  being  boarded  by 
them.  Moreover  the  windward  ship  has  a  fairer  mark  at  a 
leeward  ship,  than  vice  versa ;  and  can  place  her  shot  upon 
such  parts  of  the  leeward  vessel,  as  upon  the  next  tack  will 
be  under  water. 

Now  then,  the  King  of  France  having  no  ports  able  to 
receive  large  windward  vessels,  between  Dunkirk  and 
Ushant :  what  other  ships  he  can  bring  into  those  seas  will 
not  be  considerable. 

As  for  the  wide  ocean,  which  his  harbours  of  Brest  and 
Charente  do  look  into  :  it  affordeth  it  him  no  advantage  upon 
an  enemy ;  there  being  so  great  a  latitude  of  engaging  or  not, 
even  when  the  parties  are  in  sight  of  each  other. 

Wherefore,  although  the  King  of  France  were  immensely 
rich,  and  could  build  what  ships  he  pleased,  both  for  number 
and  quality  :  yet  if  he  have  not  ports  to  receive  and  shelter 
that  sort  and  size  of  shipping  which  is  fit  for  his  purpose,  the 
said  riches  will,  in  this  case,  be  fruitless,  and  a  mere  expense 
without  any  return  or  profit. 

Some  will  say  that  other  nations  cannot  build  so  good 
ships  as  the  English.  I  do  indeed  hope  they  cannot.  But 
because  it  seems  too  possible  that  they  may,  sooner  or  later, 
by  practice  and  experience,  I  shall  not  make  use  of  that 
argument :  having  bound  myself  to  shew  that  the  impedi- 
ments of  France,  as  to  this  purpose,  are  natural  and  perpetual. 

Ships  and  guns  do  not  fight  of  themselves ;  but  by  men, 
who  act  and  manage  them  :  wherefore  it  is  more  material  to 
shew.  That  the  King  of  France  neither  hath,  nor  can  have 
men  sufficient  to  man  a  fleet  of  equal  strength  to  that  of  the 
King  of  England,  viz.  : 

The  King  of  England's  Navy  consists  of  about  70,000  tons 


36     France  has  150,000  tons  of  shipping,  p"" 7' ^f^;^; 

of  shipping,  which  requires  36,000  men  to  man  it.  These 
Thequaiifica-    men  being  supposed  to  be  divided  into  eight  parts, 

tions  of  seamen     y  .    °     ,   '^  f  •    i     i  ^  r 

for  defence.  1  conceive  that  one-eighth  part  must  be  persons  of 
great  experience  and  reputation  in  sea  service  :  another 
eighth  part  must  be  such  as  have  used  the  sea,  seven  years 
and  upwards  :  half  of  them,  or  four-eighths  part  more,  must 
be  such  as  have  used  the  sea  above  a  twelvemonth,  viz., 
two,  three,  four,  five,  or  six  years:  allowing  but  one  quarter 
of  the  whole  complements  to  be  such  as  never  were  at  sea  at 
all,  or  at  most  but  one  voyage,  or  upon  one  expedition.  So 
that,  at  a  medium,  I  reckon  that  the  whole  Fleet  must  be 
men  of  three  or  four  years'  growth  [in  seamanship],  one  with 
another. 

FouRNiER,  a  late  judicious  writer,  making  it  his  busi- 
ness to  persuade  the  world,  how  considerable  the  King  of 
France  was,  or  might  be,  at  sea,  in  the  ninety-second  and 
The  number  of  nincty-third  pages  of  his  Hydrography ^  saith  that 
Fr^ce.'"  "  there  was  one  place  in  Brittany  which  had  fur- 
nished the  King  with  1,400  seamen,  and  that  perhaps  the 
whole  sea  coast  of  France  might  have  furnished  him  with 
fifteen  times  as  many."  Now,  supposing  his  whole  allegation 
were  true,  yet  the  said  number  amounts  but  to  21,000  :  all 
which,  if  the  whole  Trade  of  Shipping  in  France  were  quite 
and  clean  abandoned,  would  not,  by  above  a  third,  man  out 
a  Fleet  equivalent  to  that  of  the  King  of  England.  And  if 
the  Trade  were  but  barely  kept  alive,  there  would  not  be  one- 
third  part  of  men  enough  to  man  the  said  Fleet. 

But  if  the  Shipping  Trade  of  France  be  not  above  a  quarter 
as  great  as  that  of  England ;  and  that  one-third  part  of  the 
same,  namely,  the  fishing  trade  to  the  Banks  of  Newfound- 
land, is  not  peculiar  or  fixed  to  the  French:  then,  I  say,  that 
if  the  King  of  England,  having  power  to  press  men,  cannot, 
under  two  or  three  months'  time,  man  his  Fleet ;  then  the 
King  of  France,  with  less  than  a  quarter  of  the  same  help, 
can  never  do  it  at  all. 

For  in  France,  as  shall  elsewhere  be  shewn,  there  are  not 
above  150,000  tons  of  trading  vessels  ;  and  consequently  not 
above  15,000  seamen,  reckoning  a  man  to  10  tons. 

As  it  has  been  shewn,  that  the  King  of  France  cannot,  at 
present,  man  such  a  Fleet  as  is  above  described :  we  come 


Petty 
1677 


]  Dangers  of  our  seamen  serving  the  French.    2)7 


next  to  shew,  That  he  never  can  !  being  under  natural  and 

perpetual  impediments,  viz. : 

I.  If  there  be  but  15,000  seamen  in  all  France,  to  manage 
its  Trade ;  it  is  not  to  be  supposed  that  the  said  Trade 
should  be  extinguished  ;  nor  that  it  should  spare  above 
5,000  of  the  said  15,000  towards  manning  the  Fleet 
which   requires   35,000. 

Now  the  deficient  30,000  must  be  supplied,  one  of 
these  four  ways.     Either,  first,  by  taking  in  "^"jj^^^y*. 
landsmen ;  of  which  sort  there  must  not  be  Fre"di  mus\ 


above  10,000  :  since  the  seamen  will  never  be 
contented  without  being  the  major  part.  Nor  do  they 
heartily  wish  well  to  landsmen  at  all,  or  rejoice  even  at 
those  successes  of  which  the  landsmen  can  "^yhy  Seamen 
claim  any  share :  thinking  it  hard  that  they  lindsmen. 
themselves,  who  are  bred  to  miserable,  painful,  and 
dangerous  employments,  and  yet  profitable  to  the 
Common  Wealth,  should,  at  a  time  when  booty  and 
purchase  is  to  be  gotten,  be  clogged  or  hindered  by  any 
conjunction  with  landsmen,  or  forced  to  admit  those  to 
an  equal  share  with  themselves. 

2.  The  seamen,  which  we  suppose  20,000,  must  be  had, 
that  is,  hired  from  other  nations ;  which  cannot  be 
without  tempting  them  with  so  much  wages  as  exceeds 
what  is  given  by  merchants  :  and  withal  to  counterpoise 
the  danger  of  being  hanged  by  their  own  iTiedangerof 
Prince,  and  allowed  no  quarter  if  they  are  menl'ttei^erv. 
taken;  the  trouble  of  conveying  themselves  ng  the  French. 
away,  when  restraints  and  prohibitions  are  upon  them ; 
and  also  the  infamy  of  having  been  apostates  to  their 
own  country  and  cause.  I  say  their  wages  must  be 
double  to  what  their  own  Prince  gives  them  ;  and  their 
assurance  must  be  very  great,  that  they  shall  not  be,  at 
[the]  long  run,  abused  or  slighted  by  those  that  em- 
ployed them,  as  "  hating  the  traitor,  although  they  love 
the  treason." 

I  say,  moreover,  that  those  who  will  be  thus  tempted 
away,  must  be  the  basest  and  lewdest  sort  of  seamen  ; 
and  such  as  have  not  enough  of  honour  and  conscience 
to  qualify  them  for  any  trust  or  gallant  performance. 

3.  Another  way  to  increase  seamen  is  to  put  great  num- 


S8      How  MEN  BECOME  GOOD  SEAMEN.  [_^"  7"  ^te/j. 

bers  of  landsmen  upon  ships  of  war,  in  orderto  their  being 
seamen  :  but  this  course  cannot  be  effectual,  not  only 
How  men  learn  for  thc  abovc-mentioned  antipathy  between 
seamen?°  laudsmcn  and  seamen  ;  but  also  because  it  is 

seen  that  men  at  sea  do  not  apply  themselves  to  labour 
and  practice,  without  more  necessity  than  happens  in 
over-manned  shipping.  For  where  there  are  fifty  men 
in  a  vessel  that  ten  can  sufficiently  navigate,  the  super- 
numerary forty  will  improve  little  :  but  where  there  shall 
be  of  ten,  but  one  or  two  supernumeraries ;  there 
necessity  will  often  call  upon  every  man  to  set  his  hand 
to  the  work,  which  must  be  well  done,  at  the  peril  of 
their  own  lives. 

Moreover,  seamen  shifting  vessels,  almost  every  six  or 
twelve  months,  do  sometimes  sail  in  small  barks,  some- 
times in  middling  ships,  and  sometimes  in  great  vessels 
of  defence ;  sometimes  in  lighters,  sometimes  in  hoighs 
[hoys],  sometimes  in  ketches,  sometimes  in  three-masted 
ships.  Sometimes  they  go  to  the  Southward,  some- 
times to  the  Northward;  sometimes  they  coast,  some- 
times they  cross  the  ocean.  By  all  which  variety  of 
service,  they  do  in  time  complete  themselves  in  every 
part  and  circumstance  of  their  faculty.  Whereas  those 
who  go  out  for  a  summer  in  a  man-of-war,  have  not  that 
variety  of  practice,  nor  a  direct  necessity  of  doing  any- 
thing at  all. 

Besides,  it  is  three  or  four  years,  at  a  medium,  where- 
in a  seaman  must  be  made  ;  neither  can  there  be  less 
than  three  seamen,  to  make  a  fourth  of  a  landsman. 
Consequently  the  15,000  seamen  of  France  can  increase 
but  5,000  in  three  or  four  years  :  and  unless  their  Trade 
should  increase  with  their  seamen  in  proportion,  the 
King  must  be  forced  to  bear  the  charge  of  this  improve- 
ment out  of  the  public  Stock  [national  Exchequer],  which 
is  intolerable. 
So  as  the  question  which  now  remains  is.  Whether  the 
Whether  the     shipping  trade  of  France  is  likely  to  increase  ? 
shipping  trade       Upon  whlch  account  it  is  to  be  considered 
ukeiytr'*  That  France  is  sufficiently  stored  with  all  kinds 

increase  ?        ^£  ncccssaries  ;    as    with  corn,   cattle,  wine,  salt, 
linen  cloth,  paper,  silk,  fruits,  &c. :    so  as  they  need  little 


^^7' ^i^eS^:]  The  TONNAGE    OF    THE    FrENCH    EXPORTS.      39 

shipping  to  import  more  commodities  of  weight  or  bulk. 
Neither  is  there  anything  of  bulk  exported  out  of  France,  but 
wines  and  salt ;  the  weight  whereof  is  under  100,000  tons 
per  annum,  yielding  not  employment  to  above  25,000  tons 
of  shipping:  and  these  are,  for  the  most  part,  Dutch  and 
English ;  who  are  not  only  already  in  possession  of  the  said 
trade,  but  also  are  better  fitted  to  maintain  it  than  the  French 
are,  or  perhaps  ever  can  be.  And  that  for  the  following 
reasons,  viz. : 

1.  Because  the  French  cannot  victual  so  cheap  Reasons  why 
as  the  English  and  Dutch,  nor  sail  with  so  """"°t- 
few  hands. 

2.  The  French,  for  want  of  good  coasts  and  harbours, 
cannot  keep  their  ships  in  port  under  double  the  charge 
that  the  English  and  the  Hollanders  can. 

3.  By  reason  of  paucity,  and  distance  of  their  ports  one 
from  another,  their  seamen  and  tradesmen  [mechanics] 
relating  to  shipping,  cannot  correspond  with  and  assist 
one  another  so  easily,  cheaply,  and  advantageously  as  in 
other  places. 

Wherefore.,  if  their  shipping  trade  is  not  likely  to  increase 
within  themselves,  and  much  less  to  increase  by  their  beating 
out  the  English  and  Hollanders  from  being  the  Carriers  of 
the  World  ;  it  follows  that  their  seamen  will  not  be  increased 
by  the  increase  of  their  said  Trade. 

Wherefore,  and  for  that  they  are  not  likely  to  be  increased 
by  any  of  the  several  ways  above  specified  ;  and  for  that  their 
ports  are  not  fit  to  receive  ships  of  burden  and  quality  fit  for 
their  purpose,  and  that  by  reason  by  the  less  fitness  of  their 
ports  than  that  of  their  neighbours'  ;  I  conceive  that  what 
was  propounded  hath  been  competently  proved. 

The  aforenamed  FouRNiER,  in  the  ninety-second  and  ninety- 
third  pages  of  his  Hydrography,  hath  laboured  to  prove  the 
contrary  of  all  this  ;  unto  which  I  refer  the  reader  :  not 
thinking  his  arguments  of  any  weight  at  all,  in  the  present 
case.  Nor,  indeed,  doth  he  make  his  comparisons  with  the 
English  and  Hollanders,  but  with  the  Spaniards  :  who,  nor 
the  Grand  Signior  [the  Turks]  (the  latter  of  whom  hath  greater 
advantages  to  be  powerful  at  sea  than  the  King  of  France) 
could  ever  attain  to  any  illustrious  greatness  in  Naval  Power; 
having  often  attempted,  but  never  succeeded  in  the  same. 


40     The  French  and  English  territories.  [^''Y'^IJ?- 

Nor  is  it  easy  to  believe  that  the  King  of  England  should, 
for  so  many  years,  have  continued  his  Title  to  the  Sovereignty 
of  the  Narrow  Seas  against  his  neighbours  (ambitious  enough 
to  have  gotten  it  from  him),  had  not  their  impediments  been 
Natural  and  Perpetual,  and  such  as  we  say  do  obstruct  the 
King  of  France. 


CHAPTER    IV. 

That  the  People  and  Territories  of  the  King  of  England  are, 
naturally y  nearly  as  considerable  for  wealth  and  strength,  as  those 
of  France. 

He  Author  of  The  State  of  England,  among  the 
many  useful  truths  and  observations  he  or  comparison 
hath   set   down,   delivers   the   proportion  bftwecn  the 

'..  r    T^         1  1  1     rerritones  of 

between   the  territories   of  England  and  England  and 
France  to  be  as   30   to   82  :   the  which,  if  it  be 
true,  then  England,  Scotland,  and  Ireland,  with  the  islands 
unto  them  belonging,  will,  taken  altogether,  be  nearly  as  big 
as  France. 

Though  I  ought  to  take  all  advantages  for  proving  the 
paradox  in  hand :  yet  I  had  rather  grant  that  England, 
Scotland,  and  Ireland,  with  the  islands  before  mentioned, 
together  with  the  planted  parts  of  Newfoundland,  New 
England,  New  Netherland  [New  York],  Virginia,  Maryland, 
Carolina,  Jamaica,  Bermudas,  Barbadoes,  and  all  the  rest  of 
the  Caribbee  Islands,  with  what  the  King  hath  in  Asia  and 
Africa,  do  not  contain  so  much  territory  as  France  and  what 
planted  land  [Canada,  &c.]  the  King  of  France  hath  also  in 
America.  And  if  any  man  will  be  heterodox  in  behalf  of  the 
French  Interest,  I  would  be  contented,  against  my  knowledge 
and  judgement,  to  allow  the  King  of  France's  territories  to  be 
a  Seventh,  Sixth,  or  even  a  Fifth  greater  than  those  of  the 
King  of  England :  believing  that  both  Princes  have  more 
land  than  they  do  employ  to  its  utmost  use. 


And  here,  I  beg  leave,  among  the  several  matters  which  I 
intend  for  serious,  to  interpose  a  jocular  and  perhaps  ridicu- 
lous digression ;  and  which  I  indeed  desire  men  to  look  upon 


^^T'^r";;']  ^  DREAM  OF  A  POLITICAL  ECONOMIST,      4I 

rather  as  a  Dream  or  reverie  than  a  rational  Proposition:  the 
which  is,  that  if  all  the  Moveables  and  People  of  Ireland  and 
of  the  Highlands  of  Scotland  were  transported  into  a  Proposition 
the  rest  of  Great  Britain,  that  then  the  King  and  ^7,,^3;'/^';"„| 
his  subjects  would  thereby  become  more  rich  and  the  Highlands 
strong,  both  offensively  and  defensively,  than  now  °  "^"'^  • 
they  are. 

It  is  true,  I  have  heard  many  wise  men  say,  when  they 
were  bewailing  the  vast  losses  of  the  English  in  preventing 
and  suppressing  rebellions  in  Ireland,  and  considering  how 
little  profit  hath  returned  either  to  the  King  or  subjects  of 
England,  for  their  five  hundred  years'  doing  and  suffering 
in  that  country :  I  say,  I  have  heard  wise  men,  in  such  their 
melancholies,  wish  "  that  (the  people  of  Ireland  being  saved) 
the  island  were  sunk  under  water !  " 

Now  it  troubles  me,  that  the  distemper  of  my  own  mind, 
in  this  point,  carries  me  to  dream  that  the  benefit  of  those 
wishes  may  practically  be  obtained,  without  sinking  that 
vast  mountainous  island  under  water ;  which  I  take  to  be 
somewhat  difficult  :  for  although  Dutch  engineers  may  drain 
its  bogs,  yet  I  know  no  artists  that  can  sink  its  mountains. 
If  ingenious  and  learned  men,  among  whom  I  reckon  Sir 
Thomas  More  and  Descartes,  have  disputed,  That  we  who 
think  ourselves  awake,  are  or  may  be  really  in  a  dream  ;  and 
since  the  greatest  absurdities  of  dreams  are  but  a  preposter- 
ous and  tumultuary  contexture  of  realities :  I  will  crave  the 
umbrage  [example]  of  these  great  men  last  named  ;  to  say 
something  for  this  wild  conception,  with  submission  to  the 
better  judgement  of  all  those  that  can  prove  themselves 
awake. 

If  there  were  but  One  man  living  in  England,  then  the 
benefit  of  the  whole  territory  could  be  but  the  livelihood  of 
that  One  man :  but  if  another  man  were  added,  the  rent  or 
benefit  of  the  same  would  be  double ;  if  two,  triple  ;  and  so 
forward,  until  so  many  men  were  planted  in  it,  as  the  whole 
territory  could  afford  food  unto.  For  if  a  man  would  know 
what  any  land  is  worth,  the  true  and  natural  question  must 
be,  How  many  men  will  it  feed  ?  How  many  men  are  there  to 
be  fed  ? 

But  to  speak  more  practically.  Land  of  the  same  quantity 
and  quality  in  England,  is  generally  worth  four  or  five  times 


42    Proposed  transplantation  of  the  Gaels-P""  Y-  ^^qI^j, 

as  much  as  in  Ireland,  and  but  one-quarter  or  one-third  of 
what  it  is  worth  in  Holland  :  because  England  is  four  or  five 
times  better  peopled  than  Ireland,  and  but  a  quarter  so  well 
as  Holland. 

And,  moreover,  where  the  rent  is  advanced  by  reason  of 
the  multitude  of  people,  there,  the  number  of  years'  purchase 
for  which  an  inheritance  may  be  sold  is  also  advanced, 
though  perhaps  not  in  the  very  same  proportion.  For  205. 
[=£3  now]  per  annum  in  Ireland,  may  be  worth  but  £8 
[=^£2^  noiv];  and  in  England,  where  titles  are  very  sure, 
above  ;^20  [  =  ;£'6o  now]  ;  and  in  Holland,  above  ^30  [=;^90 
now]. 

I  suppose  that  in  Ireland  and  the  Highlands  of  Scotland, 
there  may  be  about  1,800,000  people,  or  about  a  Fifth  part  of 
what  are  in  all  the  three  Kingdoms  [i.e.,  9,000,000]. 

Wherefore  the  First  question  will  be,  Whether  England, 
Wales,  and  the  Lowlands  of  Scotland  cannot  afford 
food  (that  is  to  say,  corn,  fish,  flesh,  and  fowl)  to  a  fifth 
part  more  people  than  are,  at  present,  planted  upon  it ; 
with  the  same  labour  that  the  said  fifth  part  do  now  take, 
where  they  are  ?  For  if  so,  then  what  is  propounded  is 
naturally  possible. 

2.  It  is  to  be  inquired,  What  the  value  of  the  Immove- 
ables, which,  upon  such  removal,  must  be  left  behind, 
are  worth  ?  For  if  they  be  worth  less  than  the  advance- 
ment of  the  price  of  land  in  England  will  amount  unto  ; 
then  the  Proposal  is  to  be  considered. 

3.  If  the  relict  [relinquished]  Lands  and  the  Immoveables 
left  behind  upon  them,  may  be  sold  for  money ;  or  if  no 
other  nation  shall  dare  meddle  with  them,  without  pay- 
ing well  for  them  ;  and  if  the  nation  who  shall  be 
admitted,  shall  be  less  able  to  prejudice  and  annoy  the 
Transplantees  into  England,  than  before :  then  I  con- 
ceive that  the  whole  Proposal  will  be  a  pleasant  and 
profitable  Dream  indeed ! 

As  to  the  First  point,  Whether  England  and  the  Lowlands 
^"tj^Engiand  of  Scotlaud  cau  maintain  a  Fifth  part  more  people 
falids  of  Scot'-    than  they  now  do,  that  is  to  say,  9,000,000  of  souls 

land  will  feed      :„   „ii  o 

the  peopi 

of  Englai    . 

Scotland,  and  ..  -,, 

Ireland.  tcmtories  of  England  and  the  Lowlands  ol 


%  ^j^g'^^/]  Offering  Ireland  for  sale  to  foreigners.     43 

Scotland  contain  about  36,000,000  acres,  that  is,  4  acres 
for  every  head  (man,  woman,  and  child)  :  but  the  United 
Provinces  do  not  allow  above  i|-  acres.  And  England 
itself,  rescinding  [excluding]  Wales,  hath  but  3  acres  to 
every  head ;  according  to  the  present  state  of  tillage  and 
husbandry. 

Now  if  we  consider  that  England  having  but  3  acres  to 
a  head,  as  aforesaid,  does  so  abound  in  victuals  as  that 
it  maketh  laws  against  the  importation  of  cattle,  flesh, 
and  fish  from  abroad  ;  and  that  the  draining  of  fens, 
improving  of  forests,  inclosing  of  commons,  sowing  of 
St.  Foyne  [sainfoin]  and  clover-grass,  be  grumbled 
against  by  landlords,  as  the  way  to  depress  the  price  of 
victuals :  then  it  plainly  fellows  that  less  than  3  acres, 
improved  as  they  may  be,  will  serve  the  turn  ;  and 
consequently  that  4  will  suffice  abundantly. 

I  could  here  set  down  the  very  number  of  acres  that 

would  bear  bread,  drink,  and  corn,  together  with  flesh, 

butter,  and  cheese  sufficient  to  victual  9,000,000  persons, 

as  they  are  victualled  in  ships  and  regular  families  :  but 

I  shall  only  say  in  general,  that  12,000,000  acres,  viz., 

one-third  of  36,000,000  will  do  it  ;  supposing  that  roots, 

fruits,  fowls,  and  fish,  and  the  ordinary  profit  of  lead, 

tin,   and   iron  mines,   and  woods,   would   piece  up  any 

defect  that  may  be  feared. 

As  to  the  Second,  I  say  that  the   Land   and   Housing  in 

Ireland  and  the  Highlands  of   Scotland,  xhat  the  value 

at  the  present  market  rates,  are  not  worth  ofaiithe 

/»  r         /^  If  quitted  lands 

£  13,000,000  [  =  £39,000,000  nOZSf]  of  money:    and  unmove- 

nor  would  the  actual  charge  of  transplan-  ctiy°oft'rns'' 
tation    proposed,  amount   to    /'4,ooo,ooo  plantation  are 

*        '  '         ,  A*T'  '  not  worth 

[  =  £12,000,000  ;/owj  more.  above 

So  then  the  question  will  be.  Whether  the  ^'^.ooo.ooo. 
benefit  expected  from  this  Transplantation  will  exceed 
£"17,000,000  [=£51,000,000  now]. 

To  which  I  say,  that  the  Advantage  will  probably  be 
nearly  four  times  the  last-mentioned  sum  or  about 
£69,300,000  [=£"207,900,000  7WW]. 

For  if  the  Rent  of  all  England  and  Wales  and 
the  Lowlands  of  Scotland  be  about  £9,000,000  [= 
■£27,000,000  now]  per  annum;  and  if  the  Fifth  part 


44    Wealth  in  ratio  to  Density  of  Population.  [^f^J^; 

of  the  people  be  superadded  unto  the  present  in- 
habitants of  those  countries  :  then  the  Rent  will 
amount  to  ;;^io,8oo,ooo  [  =  £32,400,000  now];  and 
the  number  of  years'  purchase  will  rise  from  17!^  to 
a  fifth  part  more,  which  is  21. 

So  as  the  Land,  whichis  now  worth  but  £9,000,000 
per  annum,  at  17-I  years'  purchase,  making 
£157,500,000,  will  then  be  worth  £10,800,000  at 
21  years'  purchase,  viz.,  £226,800,000  [= 
£680,400,000  now]  :  which  is  £69,300,000 
[=£207,900,000   now]    more   than  it  was  before. 

And   if  any  Prince   willing  to   enlarge  his  terri- 

3hoVur°chase    to^ies,   will    givc    anything     more    than 

i^reiand  shall     £6,500,000,  or  half  the  prcscnt  valuc,  foF 

Themsdves.      thc  Said    relinquished   land ;    which   are 

estimated  to  be  worth  £13,000,000  :  then  the  whole 

profit  will   be  above  £75,800,000    [=£227,400,000 

now] ;  or  above  Four  times  the  loss,  as  the  same  was 

above  computed. 

But  if  any  man  shall  object  that  it  will  be  dangerous 

unto  England,  that  Ireland  should  be  in  the  hands  of 

any  other  nation :  I  answer,  in  short,  that  that  nation, 

(whoever  shall  purchase  it)  being  divided  by  means  of 

the   said   purchase,  shall    not  be  more   able   to    annoy 

England  than    now,  in   its    united   condition.      Nor  is 

Ireland  nearer  England,  than  France  and  Flanders. 

Now   if  any  man    shall  desire  a  more  clear  explanation. 

How,  and  by  what  means,  the  rents  of  lands  shall  rise  by 

this    closer    cohabitation    of    people,    above    described  ?    I 

answer,  that  the  advantage  will  arise  in  transplanting  above 

1,800,000   people,  from   the   poor    and    miserable   trade  of 

husbandry,  to  more  beneficial  handicrafts.     For,  when  the 

superaddition  is  made,  a  very  little  addition  of  husbandry  to 

the  same  lands  will  produce  a  fifth  part  more  of  food,  and 

consequently  the  additional  hands,  earning  but  40s.    [=£6 

now]  per  annwn,  as  they  may  very  well  do,  nay,  to  £8  [  =  £24 

now]  per  annum  at  some  other  trade  ;  the  superlucration  will 

be  above  £3,600,000  [=£10,800,000  now]  per  annum  :  which 

at  20  years'  purchase  is  £70,000,000  [=£210,000,000  now]. 

Moreover,  as  the  inhabitants  of  cities  and  towns  spend 
more  commodities  and  make  greater  consumptions  than  those 


Sir  W.  Pe'ty.-] 


9,500,000  PEOPLE  IN    THE  BRITISH   ISLES.       45 


who  live  in  wild  thin-peopled  countries  ;  so  when  England 
shall  be  thicker  peopled,  in  the  manner  before  described,  the 
very  same  people  shall  then  spend  more  than  when  they  lived 
more  sordidly  and  inurbanely ;  and  further  asunder,  and 
more  out  of  the  sight,  observation,  and  emulation  of  each 
other  :  every  man  desiring  to  put  on  better  apparel  when  he 
appears  in  company  than  when  he  has  no  occasion  to  be 
seen. 

I  further  add  that  the  charge  of  the  Government  (Civil, 
Military,  and  Ecclesiastical)  would  be  more  cheap,  safe,  and 
effectual  in  this  condition  of  closer  cohabitation  than  other- 
wise :  as  not  only  reason,  but  the  example  of  the  United 
Provinces  doth  demonstrate. 


But  to  let  this  whole  digression  pass  for  a  mere  Dream,  I 
suppose  it  will  serve  to  prove  that  in  case  the  King  That  the  diffe- 

"V^  1,  .  .         ^,  ,  ,    ,  1-11  1  "^^"ce  between 

of  England  s  territories  should  be  a  little  less  than  England's  and 
those   of  the  King   of  France,   that  forasmuch  as  fory""not''"' 
neither  of  them  is  overpeopled,  the  difference  is  material. 
not  material  to  the  question  in  hand  : 

Wherefore  supposing  the  King  of  France's  advantages  to 
be  little  or  nothing  in  point  of  Territory ;  we  come,  next,  to 
examine  and  compare  the  number  of  Subjects  which  each  of 
these  monarchs  doth  govern. 

The  book  called  The  State  of  France  maketh  that 
Kingdom  to  consist  of  27,000  parishes.  And  another  book, 
written  by  a  substantial  author,  who  professedly  enquires 
into  the  state  of  the  Church  and  Churchmen  [Clergy]  of 
France,  sets  it  down  as  an  extraordinary  case,  that  a  parish 
in  France  should  have  600  souls  ;  where  I  suppose  that  the 
said  Author  (who  hath  so  well  examined  the  matter)  is  not  of 
opinion  that  every  parish,  one  with  another,  hath  above  500. 
By  which  reckoning,  the  whole  people  of  France  are  about 
13,500,000. 

Now  the  people  of  England,  Scotland,  and  Ireland,  with 
the  islands  adjoining,  by  computation  from  the  number  of 
parishes  (which  commonly  have  more  people  in  Protestant 
Churches  than  in  Popish  countries),  as  also  from  the 
Hearth  Money,  Pole  Money,  and  Excise,  amount  to  about 
9,500,000. 


46     f  3,500.000  Frenchto  10,000,000  English. P""  7'  ^tl^y. 

The  King  of  Thcrc  arc  in  New  England,  about  16,000  men 
in"ffect,but'  mustered  in  arms,  and  about  24,000  able  to  bear 
sui^^'t^Tafd  arms :  and  consequently  about  150,000  in  all. 
'^^King°f  And  I  see  no  reason  why,  in  all  this,  and  the 
10,000,000.  other  Plantations  [Colonies]  of  Asia,  Africa,  and 
Frlnce^aJh  °^  Amcrica,  thcrc  should  not  be  500,000  in  all.  But 
m^nTrid^he'''  ^^^^  ^^^^'  ^  Icavc  to  evcry  man's  conjecture. 
KingofEng-  And  consequently,  I  suppose  that  the  King  of 
^The°i^ngof  England  hath  about  10,000,000  of  subjects  w6ms 
foSseamen;  terraYum  orbis,  and  the  King  of  France  about 
and  the  King    i^.CjOOjOOO  as  aforcsaid. 

of  France,  ^  "^        ' 


Although  it  be  very  material  to  know  the  number  of  Sub- 
jects belonging  to  each  Prince  :  yet  when  the  question  is 
concerning  their  Wealth  and  Strength,  it  is  also  material  to 
examine.  How  many  of  them  do  get  More  than  they  spend  ? 
and  How  many  Less  ? 

In  order  whereunto,  it  is  to  be  considered  that  in  the  King 
of  England's  Dominions,  there  are  not  20,000  Churchmen 
[Clergy]  :  but  in  France  (as  the  aforementioned  Author  of 
theirs  doth  aver,  who  sets  down  the  particular  number  of 
each  religious  Order)  there  are  about  270,000,  viz.,  250,000 
more  than  we  think  necessary ;  that  is  to  say,  250,000  with- 
drawn out  of  the  World. 

Now  the  said  number  of  adult  and  able-bodied  persons  are 
equivalent  to  about  double  the  same  number  of  the  promis- 
cuous mass  of  mankind.  And  the  same  Author  says,  that 
the  same  Religious  Persons  do  spend,  one  with  another,  about 
iM.  per  diem,  which  is  triple  even,  to  what  a  labouring  man 
requires. 

Wherefore  the  said  250,000  Churchmen,  living  as  they  do, 
make  the  King  of  France's  13,500,000  to  be  less  than 
13,000,000. 

Now  if  Ten  men  can  defend  themselves  as  well  in  islands 
as  Thirteen  can  upon  the  Continent  ;  then  the  said  Ten 
being  not  concerned  to  increase  their  territory  by  the 
invasion  of  others,  are  as  effectual  as  Thirteen  in  point  of 
Strength  also. 

Wherefore  that  there  are  more  superlucrators  in  the 
English,  than  in  the  French  Dominions,  we  say,  as  followeth : 


^"T^tlYvT^^^  SEA-LINES  OF  ENGLAND  AND  FrANCE.       47 

There  be  in  England,  Scotland,  Ireland,  and  the  King's 
other    territories,    above   40,000    seamen:  in     xhemuui- 
France  not  above  a  quarter  so  many,  But  one  cUg^does 
seaman    earneth   as   much   as   two   common  K-ngV/*^ 
husbandmen  :  wherefore  this  difference  in  sea-  ^J^",";''* 
men,    addeth   to  the  account  of  the  King  of  ^The^muuu 
England's  subjects,  is  an  advantage,  equiva-  navtilenXs 
lent  to  60,000  husbandmen.  K?nt'^oVEng- 

There  are  in  England,  Scotland,  and  Ireland,  lancfs  subjects_ 
and  all  other  the  King  of  England's  territories,  600,000 
tons  of  shipping,  worth  £4,500,000  [  =  £13,500,000 
now]  of  money :  and  the  Annual  Charge  of  maintaining 
the  shipping  of  England  by  new  buildings  and  repa- 
rations is  about  one-third  part  of  the  same  sum 
[£1,500,000  =£4,500,000  wojx'],  which  is  the  wages  of 
150,000  husbandmen,  but  is  not  the  wages  of  above  one- 
third  part  [i.e.,  50,000]  of  so  many  artisans  as  are 
employed  upon  shipping  of  all  sorts,  viz.,  shipwrights, 
caulkers,  joiners,  carvers,  painters,  block-makers,  rope- 
makers,  mast-makers,  smiths  of  several  sorts,  flag- 
makers,  compass-makers,  brewers,  bakers,  and  all  other 
sorts  of  victuallers,  all  sorts  of  tradesmen  [mechanics] 
relating  to  guns  and  gunner's  stores.  Wherefore  there 
being  four  times  more  of  these  artisans  in  England,  &c., 
than  in  France,  they  further  add  to  the  account  of  the 
King  of  England's  subjects,  the  equivalent  of  So, 000 
husbandmen  more. 

The  sea-line  of  England,  Scotland,  and  Ireland,  and 
adjacent  islands,  is  about  3,800  miles,  accord-  xheKingof 
ing  to  which  length  and  the  whole  contents  of  HtSl'Je.'tn' 
acres,  the  said  land  would  be  an  oblong  or  ^f^iiJ'3"f'om 
parallelogram  figure  of  3,800  miles  long,  and  navTga'bV"'" 
about  24  miles  broad  :  and  consequently,  every  K^ngof""^ 
part  of  England,  Scotland,  and  Ireland  is,  one  F-^^nces 65. 
with  another,  but  12  miles  from  the  sea. 

Whereas  France,  containing  but  about  1,000  miles  of 
sea-line,  is  by  the  like  method  or  computation,  about  65 
miles  from  the  sea-side  ;  and,  considering  the  paucity  of 
ports  in  comparison  of  what  are  in  the  King  of  England's 
Dominions,  as  good  as  70  miles  distant  from  a  port. 

Upon  which  grounds,  it  is  clear  that  England  can  be 


England  spends  nearly  as  much  as  France,  [^^^g; 

supplied  with  all  gross  and  bulky  commodities  of  foreign 
growth  and  manufacture,  at  far  cheaper  rates  than  France 
can  be,  viz.,  at  about  4s.  per  cent,  cheaper:  the  land 
carriage  for  the  difference  of  the  distance  between 
England  and  France  from  a  port  being  so  much,  or 
near  thereabouts. 

Now  to  what  advantage  this  conveniency  amounteth, 
upon  the  importationor  exportation  of  bulky  commodities, 
cannot  be  less  than  the  labour  of  1,000,000  of  people: 
meaning  by  bulky  commodities  all  sorts  of  timber,  plank, 
and  staves  for  caske  :  all  iron,  lead,  stone,  bricks,  and 
tiles  for  building;  all  corn,  salt,  and  drinks;  all  flesh 
and  fish ;  and  indeed  all  other  commodities  wherein  the 
gain  and  loss  of  4s.  per  cent,  is  considerable :  where 
note,  that  the  like  wines  are  sold  in  the  inner  parts  of 
France  for  £^  or  £5  a  tun,  which  near  the  ports,  yield 

£7. 

Moreover,  upon  this  principle,  the  decay  of  timber  in 
Thedecay_of^  England  is  no  very  formidable  thing,  as  the 
land  is  no  very  rebuilding  of  Londou  [after  the  Fire  of  1666] 
mauen^"  and  of  thc  ships  wasted  by  the  Dutch  War 
[1665-7]  do  clearly  manifest. 

Nor  can  there  be  any  want  of  corn,  or  other  necessary 
provisions  in  England  ;  unless  the  weather  hath  been 
universally  unseasonable  for  the  growth  of  the  same, 
which  seldom  or  never  happens.  For  the  same  causes 
which  make  dearth  in  one  place,  do  often  cause  plenty 
in  another ;  wet  weather  being  propitious  to  high  lands, 
which  drowneth  the  low. 

It  is  observed  that  the  poor  in  France  have  generally 
less  wages  than  in  England ;  and  yet  their  victuals 
are  generally  dearer  there  ;  which  being  so,  there  may 
be  more  superlucration  in  England  than  in  France. 

Lastly,  I  offer  to  the  consideration  of  all  those  who 
have  travelled  through  England  and  France,  Whether  the 
plebians  of  England,  for  they  constitute  the  bulk  of  the 
The  Kin?  of  natiou,  do  not  spend  a  sixth  part  more  than  the 
j^cfs  spend'"^'  plebians  of  France  ?  And  if  so,  it  is  necessary 
"^^thJ Ki!r" of  that  they  must  first  get  it:  and  consequently 
FrLice's!"^  °  that  10,000,000  of  the  King  of  England's  sub- 
jects are  equivalent  to  12*000,000  of  the  King  of  France  j 


^j^g"^:]  Royal  Magnificence  not  National  Wealth.    49 

and,  upon  the  whole  matter,  to  the  13,000,000  at  which 
the  French  nation  was  estimated. 
It  will  here  be  objected  that  the  splendour  and  magni- 
ficences of  the  King  of  France  appearing  greater  than  those 
of  England,    the   wealth  of  France  must  be  proportionably 
greater  than  that  of  England.     But  that  doth  not  J'J^^e''^=^^'^Jj. 
follow,  forasmuch   as    the    apparent    greatness   of  the'^K.ing'^of 
the  King  doth  depend  upon  the  quota  pars  of  the  tainTrgXm 
people's  wealth  which  he  levieth  from  them.     For  of  the  greater 

^^.  ,  ,  ,  ,,.,.-  -   wealth  of  his 

supposmg  the  people  to  be  equally  rich,  11  one  01  people. 
the  sovereigns  levy  a  Fifth  part  and  the  other  a  Fifteenth ; 
the  one  seems  actually  thrice  as  rich  as  the  other  :  whereas, 
potentially,  they  are  but  equal. 


Having  thus  discoursed  of  the  Territory,  People,  Super- 
lucration,  and  Defensibleness  of  both  Dominions ;  Ojmparison  of 
and  in  some  measure  of  their  Trade  so  far  as  we  Trade  of 
had  occasion  to  mention  ships,  shipping,  and  near-  Fr"a^nce.'' """"^ 
ness  to  ports :    we  come,   next,  to  enlarge   a   little   further 
upon  the  Trade  of  each. 

Some  have  estimated  that  there  are  not  above 
300,000,000  people  in  the  whole  world.  Whether  that 
be  so,  or  not,  is  not  very  material  to  be  known :  but 
I  have  fair  grounds  to  conjecture,  and  would  be  glad 
to  know  it  more  certainly,  that  there  are  not  above 
80,000,000  with  whom  the  English  and  Dutch  have 
commerce ;  no  Europeans  that  I  know  of,  trading 
directly  or  indirectly,  where  they  do  not.  So  that  the 
Commercial  World,  or  World  of  Trade,  consisteth  of 
about  80,000,000  souls  as  aforesaid. 

And  I  further  estimate  that  the  value  of  all  commo- 
dities yearly  exchanged  amongst  them  doth  not  exceed 
the  value  of  ;^45,ooo,ooo  r=/"i35,ooo,ooo  now]. 

Now  the  Wealth  of  every  nation  consisting  chiefly  in 
the  share  which  they  have  in  the  Foreign  Trade  with  the 
whole  Commercial  World,  rather  than  in  the  Domestic 
trade  of  ordinary  meat,  drink,  and  clothes,  &c.,  which 
bring  in  little  gold,  silver,  jewels,  and  other  Universal 


50     The  Trade  OF  THE  World  IN  i677-  P'T"%T 

Wealth :  we  are  to  consider,  "Whether  the  subjects  of 
the  King  of  England,  head  for  head,  have  not  a  greater 
share  [in  the  Foreign  Trade]  than  those  of  France  ? 

To  which  purpose  it  hath  been  considered  that 
the  manufactures  of  wool  yearly  exported  out  of 
England  into  several  parts  of  the  world,  viz.  :  all 
sorts  of  cloth,  serges,  stuffs,  cottons,  bayes,  sayes, 
frieze,  perpetuanas ;  as  also  stockings,  caps,  rugs, 
&c.,  exported  out  of  England,  Scotland,  and  Ireland, 
do  amount  unto  ^^5, 000,000  [=£1^,000,000  now]. 
The  value  of  lead,  tin,  and  coals,  to  be  £500,000 

[=;£'l, 500,000   710W]. 

The  value  of  all  clothes,  household  stuff,  &c., 
carried  into  America  [i.e.,  the  English  Colonies  there], 
£200,000  [=£600,000  noli}]. 

The  value  of  silver  and  gold  taken  [in  the  way  of 
trade]  from  the  Spaniards,  £60,000  [=;£  180,000 
now]. 

The  value  of  sugar,  indigo,  tobacco,  cotton,  and 
cocoa,  brought  from  the  southward  parts  of  America, 
£600,000  [=£1,800,000  now]. 

The  value  of  the  fish,  pipe  staves,  masts,  beaver, 
&c.,  brought  from  New  England  and  the  northern 
parts  of  America,  £200,000  [=£600,000  now]. 

The  value  of  the  wool,  butter,  hides,  tallow,  beef, 
herrings,  pilchards,  and  salmon  exported  out  of 
Ireland,  £800,000  [=£2,400,000  now]. 

The  value  of  the  coals,  salt,  linen,  yarn,  herrings, 
pilchards,  salmon,  linen  cloth,  and  yarn  brought  out  oif 
Scotland  and  Ireland,  £500,000  [=£1,500,000  now]. 

The  value  of  saltpetre,  pepper,  calicoes,  diamonds, 
drugs,  and  silks  brought  out  of  the  East  Indies 
(above  what  was  spent  in  England),  £800,000 
[=  £2,400,000  now]. 

The  value  of  the  slaves  brought  out  of  Africa,  to 
serve  in  our  America  Plantations,  £20,ooo[=£6o,ooo 
now]. 

Which  with  the  Freight  of  English  shipping  trad- 
ing into  foreign  parts,  being  above  £1,500,000 
[=£4,500,000    now],    makes    in    all    £10,180,000 


sirw.Peuy.j  PARTICULARS  OF  THE   English  Trade.     51 

Which  computation  is  sufficiently  justified  by  the  Customs 
of  the  three  Kingdoms,  whose  intrinsic  value  is  thought  to  be 
nearly  ;£"!, 000,000  [=;£'3, 000,000  now]  per  annum,  viz.: 

;^6oo,ooo  [=;£"!, 800,000  now]  payable  to  the  King. 
;^ioo,ooo  [=:  £300,000  now]    for  the  charges  of  col- 
lecting, &c. 
5r20o,ooo  [=  £"600,000  now]  smuckled  [smuggled]  by 

the  merchants  ;  and 
;f  100,000  [=  £"300,000  now]  gained  by  the  Farmers. 


£"1,000,000 


according  to  common  opinion  and  men's  sayings. 

And  this  agrees  also  with  that  proportion  or  part  of  the 
whole  Trade  of  the  World,  which  I  have  estimated  the  sub- 
jects of  the  King  of  England  to  be  possessed  of,  viz.,  of  about 
£"10,000,000  of  £"45,000,000. 

But  the  value  of  the  French  commodities  brought  into  Eng- 
land, notwithstanding  some  current  estimates,  is  not  above 
£"1,200,000  [=£"3,600,000  now]  per  annum  ;  and  the  value  of 
all  they  export  into  all  the  world  besides,  not  above  three  or 
four  times  as  much :  which  computation  also  agreeth  well 
enough  with  the  account  we  have  of  the  Customs  of  France. 

So  as  France  not  exporting  above  Half  the  value  of  what 
England  doth ;  and  for  that  all  the  commodities  of  France 
— except  wines,  brandy,  paper ;  and  the  first  patterns  and 
fa^ions  of  clothes  and  furniture  (of  which  France  is  the 
mint) — are  imitable  by  the  English  ;  and  having  withal  more 
people  than  England  :  it  follows  that  the  people  of  England, 
&c.,  have,  head  for  head,  Thrice  as  much  Foreign  Trade  as 
the  people  of  France,  and  about  Two  parts  out  of  Nine  of 
the  Trade  of  the  whole  Commercial  World  :  and  about  Two 
parts  in  Seven  of  all  the  Shipping. 

Notwithstanding  all  which,  it  is  not  to  be  denied,  that  the 
King  and  some  Great  Men  of  France  appear  more  rich  and 
splendid  than  those  of  the  like  Quality  in  England  :  all  which 
arises  rather  from  the  nature  of  their  Government,  than 
from  the  intrinsic  and  natural  causes  of  wealth  and  power. 


52      Two   Pan- English  Grand  Councils.    [^''' ^- -^iI^v: 


CHAPTER    V. 

That  the  impediments  of  England's  greatness  are  hut  contingent 
and  removeable. 

He  first  Impediment  of  England's  greatness  is  that 
the  territories   thereunto   belonging,  are  The  disunion 
too  far  asunder,  and  divided  by  the  sea  °ories  o^f^'"" 
into  many  several  islands  and  countries;  ^"s'^f^j^,^", 

J  '     mpediment  of 

and,    I    may    say,    mto    so   many   Kmgdoms   and  us  greatness. 
several  Governments,  viz.: 

There  be  three  distinct  Legislative  Powers  in  England, 
The  different  Scotland,  Ireland  ;  the  which  instead  of  uniting 
I^lthLf  "'^^'  together,  do  often  cross  one  another's  Interest,  put- 
impediment.  ^[^1^  bars  and  impediments  upon  one  another's 
trades,  not  only  as  if  they  were  foreigners  to  each  other,  but 
sometimes  as  enemies. 

2.  The  islands  of  Jersey  and  Guernsey,  and  the  Isle  of  Man 
are  under  jurisdictions  different  from  those,  either  of  England, 
Scotland,  or  Ireland. 

3.  The  Government  of  New  England,  both  Civil  and 
^e  Colonies  Ecclcsiastical,  doth  so  differ  from  that  of  His 
Eng'ifndfa"  Majcsty's  other  Dominions,  that  it  is  hard  to  say, 
fh^Empi'rV    what  may  be  the  consequence  of  it. 

And  the  Government  of  the  other  Plantations  doth  also 
differ  verj'  much  from  any  of  the  rest ;  although  there  be 
not,  naturally,  substantial  reasons,  from  the  situation,  trade, 
and  condition  of  the  people,  why  there  should  be  such 
differences. 

From  all  which,  it  comes  to  pass  that  small  divided 
remote  Governments,  being  seldom  able  to  defend  themselves, 
the  burden  of  protecting  of  them  all,  must  lie  upon  the  Chief 
Kingdom,  England  :  and  so  all  the  smaller  kingdoms  and 
dominions,  instead  of  being  additions,  are  really  diminutions. 

But  the  same  is  remedied  by  making  Two  such  Grand 
Councils  as  may  equally  represent  the  whole  Empire  :  one 
to  be  chosen  by  the  King,  the  other  by  the  People. 

The  wealth  of  a  King  is  threefold.  One  is  the  Wealth  of 
his  subjects.  The  second  is  the  Quota  pars  of  his  subjects' 
wealth,  given  him  for  the  public  defence,  honour,  and  orna- 


^''^■^fe"?']  ^^'^^  Impediments  of  Disunion  work.      53 

ment  of  the  people,  and  to  manage  such  undertaking  for  the 
common  good,  as  no  one,  or  a  few  private  men  are  sufficient 
for.  The  third  sort  is  the  Quota  of  the  last-mentioned  Quota 
pars,  which  the  King  may  dispose  of,  as  his  own  personal 
inclination  and  discretion  shall  direct  him,  without  account. 

Now  it  is  most  manifest,  that  the  afore-mentioned  distances 
and  differences  of  kingdoms  and  jurisdictions  are  great  im- 
pediments to  all  the  said  several  sorts  of  wealth,  as  may  be 
seen  in  the  following  particulars. 

First,  in  case  of  war  with  foreign  nations,  England 
commonly  beareth  the  whole  burden  and  charge  :  where- 
by many  in  England  are  utterly  undone. 
Secondly,  England  sometimes  prohibiting  the  commodities 
of  Ireland  and  Scotland  (as,  of  late,  it  did  the  cattle, 
flesh,  and  fish  of  Ireland),  did  not  only  make  food,  and 
consequently  labour,  dearer  in  England  :  but  also  hath 
forced  the  people  of  Ireland  to  fetch  those  commodities 
from  France,  Holland,  and  other  places,  which  before 
were  sold  them  from  England  ;  to  the  great  prejudice  of 
both  nations. 
Thirdly,  it  occasions  an  unnecessary  trouble  and  charge  in 
collecting  of  Customs  upon  commodities  passing  between 
the  several  nations. 
Fourthly,  it  is  a  damage  to  our  Barbadoes  and  other 
American  trades,  that  the  goods  which  might  pass 
thence  immediately  to  several  parts  of  the  world,  and 
to  be  sold  at  moderate  rates  ;  must  first  come  into 
England,  and  there  pay  duties  :  and  afterwards,  if  at  all, 
pass  into  those  countries,  whither  they  might  have  gone 
immediately. 
Fifthly,  the  islands  of  Jersey  and  Guernsey  are  protected 
at  the  charge  of  England  :  nevertheless  the  labour  and 
industry  of  that  people,  which  is  very  great,  redounds 
most  to  the  profit  of  the  French. 
Sixthly,  in  New^  England,  there  are  vast  numbers  of  able- 
bodied  Englishmen  employed  chiefly  in  husbandry ; 
and  in  the  meanest  part  of  it,  which  is  breeding  of 
cattle :  whereas  Ireland  would  have  contained  all  those 
persons,  and,  at  worst,  would  have  afforded  them  lands 
on  better  terms  than  they  have  them  in  America,  if  not 
some  other  better  trade  withal  than  now  they  can  have. 


54     Other  kinds  of  National  Impediments.[^'''7"M77". 

Seventhly,  the  inhabitants  of  the  other  Plantations  although 
they  do  indeed  plant  commodities  which  will  not  grow 
so  well  in  England ;  yet  grasping  at  more  land  than  will 
suffice  to  produce  the  said  exotics  in  a  sufficient  quantity 
to  serve  the  whole  World,  they  do  therein  but  distract 
and  confound  the  effect  of  their  own  endeavours. 
Eighthly,  there  is  no  doubt  that  the  same  people  far  and 
widely  dispersed,  must  spend  more  upon  their  Govern- 
ment and  protection,  than  the  same  living  compactly, 
and  when  they  have  no  occasion  to  depend  upon  the 
wind,  weather,  and  all  the  accidents  of  the  sea. 
A   second  impediment   to  the  greatness  of  England  is  the 
The  different    different  understanding  of  several  material  points, 
i'ngo7pr"ero-     ^^^'>  ^^  ^^^  Kittg's  Prcrogativc,  Privileges  of  Par- 
gative,  and       liamcnt,  the  obscure  differences  between  Law  and 
prrHament°      Equity,  as  also  betweenCivil  and  Ecclesiastical  Juris- 
EqSrctii    dictions,  doubts  whether  the  Kingdom  of  England 
d^inuri"'^'  ^^^^  power  over  the  Kingdom  of  Ireland:  besides 
dictions] ;  the    the  wondcrful  paradox,  that  Englishmen  lawfully 
Leg'uCtureof   scnt  to  supprcss  rebellions  in  Ireland,  should,  after 
Ireland,  &c.      having  cffccted  the  same,  be  as  it  were   disfran- 
chised, and  lose  that  Interest  in  the  Legislative  Power  which 
they  had  in  England ;    and  pay  Customs  as  foreigners  for 
all  they  spend  in  Ireland,  whither  they  were  sent   for   the 
honour  and  benefit  of  England. 

The  third  impediment  is,  that  Ireland  being  a  conquered 
Want  of  country,  and  containing  not  the  Tenth  part  as 
fo^r'w^nt^of°"'  many  Irish  natives  as  there  are  English  in  both 
t^Ms^'iln^u^  kingdoms ;  that  natural  and  firm  Union  is  not 
tion.  made  between  the  two  peoples  by  transplantations 

and  proportionable  mixture,  so  as  there  may  be  but  a  Tenth 
part  of  the  Irish  in  Ireland,  and  the  same  proportion  in 
England :  whereby  the  necessity  of  maintaining  an  army  in 
Ireland  at  the  expense  of  the  quarter  of  all  the  rents  of  that 
kingdom  may  be  taken  away. 

The  fourth  impediment  is,  that  taxes  in  England  are  not 
The  unequal  Icvicd  upon  the  Expcnsc,  but  upon  the  whole  Estate ; 
me°hod"Jr'  not  upon  Lands,  Stock,  and  Labour,  but  chietiy  upon 
taxing.  land  alone :  and  that  not  by  any  equal  and  indif- 

ferent standard,  but  the  casual  predominancy  of  Parties  and 
factions.     And  moreover  that  these  taxes  are  not  levied  with 


-""^•^j'g"^:]  Half  the  taxes  lost  in  the  collecting.    55 

the  least  trouble  and  charge,  but  are  let  out  to  Farmers ; 
who  also  let  them  from  one  to  another,  without  explicit 
knowledge  of  what  they  do  :  but  so  as  in  conclusion,  the 
poor  people  pay  twice  as  much  as  the  King  receives. 

The  fifth  impediment  is  the  inequality  of  shires,  dioceses, 
parishes,  church-livings,  and  other  precincts;  as  inequality  of 
also  [ofj  the  Representation  of  the  people  in  Parlia-  ces2%arishes, 
ment :  all  which  do  hinder  the  operations  of  Autho-  ofTarlCmim] 
rity  in  the  same  manner  as  a  wheel  irregularly  &.c. 
made  and  excentrically  hung,  neither  moves  so  easily,  nor 
performs  its  work  so  truly,  as  if  the  same  were  duly  framed 
and  poised. 

Sixthly,  as  to  whether  it  be  an  impediment  that  the  Power 
of  Making  War,  and  Raising  Money  be  not  in  the  same  hand  ? 
much  may  be  said.  But  I  leave  it  to  those  who  may  more 
properly  meddle  with  fundamental  laws. 

None  of  these  impediments  are  natural  :  but  have  arisen, 
as  the  irregularity  of  buildings  do,  by  being  built  a  part  at 
one  time  and  a  part  at  another;  and  by  the  changing  of  the 
state  of  things  from  what  they  were  at  the  respective  times 
when  the  practices  we  complain  of  were  first  admitted  ;  and 
perhaps  are  but  the  warpings  of  time  from  the  rectitude  of 
the  first  institution. 

As  these  impediments  are  contingent,  so  they  are  also 
removable. 

For  may  not  the  land  of  superfluous  territories  be  sold, 
and  the  people,  with  their  movables,  brought  away  ?  May 
not  the  English  in  the  American  Plantations,  who  plant 
tobacco,  sugar,  &c.,  compute  what  land  will  serve  their  turn, 
and  then  contract  their  habitation  to  that  proportion,  both 
for  quantity  and  quality  ?  As  for  the  people  of  New  England, 
I  can  but  wish  they  were  transplanted  into  Old  England  or 
Ireland,  according  to  Proposals  of  their  own,  made  within 
these  twenty  years  [1657-1677] ;  although  they  were  allowed 
more    Liberty  of  Conscience   than  they  allow  one  another. 

May  not  the  Three  Kingdoms  be  United  into  One,  and 
equally  represented  in  Parliament  ?  May  not  the  several 
species  [races]  of  the  King's  subjects  be  equally  mixed  in 
their  habitations  ?  Might  not  the  parishes  and  other  pre- 
cincts   be   better   equalized?     Might  not   Jurisdictions  and 


56    Increase  of  English  territory  i637-77.[^''Y-^f6^: 

other  pretences  [claims]  to  Power  be  determined  and  ascer- 
tained ?  Might  not  the  taxes  be  equally  applotted,  and 
directly  applied  to  their  ultimate  use  ?  Might  not  Dissenters 
in  religion  be  indulged ;  they  paying  for  a  competent  force 
to  keep  the  public  peace  ? 

I  humbly  venture  to  say  all  these  things  may  be  done,  if 
it  be  so  thought  fit  by  the  Sovereign  Power;  because  the  like 
hath  often  been  done  already,  at  several  places  and  times. 


CHAPTER    VI. 

That  the  power  and  wealth  of  England  hath  increased  this 
last  forty  years. 


IT  IS  not  much  to  be  doubted  but  that  the  Territo- 
ries under  the  King's  dominion  have  in-  Manytem- 
creased :  forasmuch  as  New  Engand,  Vir-  {TeeTadded 
ginia,  Barbadoes,  and  Jamaica,  Tangier,  '"i^^fn^'^bo^ut 
and   Bombay,  have,  since  that  time,  been  either  fony years; 
added   to    His    Majesty's   territories,  or  improved  fmprov"ments 
from  a  desert  condition,    to  abound  with  people,  '"''''''• 
buildings,    shipping,    and    the    production   of    many   useful 
commodities. 

And  as  for  the  land  of  England,  Scotland,  and  Ireland,  as 
it  is  not  less  in  quantity  than  it  was  forty  years  ago,  so  it  is 
manifest  that,  by  reason  of  the  draining  of  the  fens,  watering 
of  dry  grounds,  improving  of  forests  and  commons,  making 
of  heathy  and  barren  grounds  to  bear  sainfoin  and  clo  ver 
grass,  [a] meliorating  and  multiplying  several  sorts  of  fruit 
and  garden  stuff,  making  some  rivers  navigable,  &c. ;  I  say, 
it  is  manifest  that  the  land  in  its  present  condition  is  able  to 
bear  more  provisions  and  commodities  than  it  was  forty  years 
ago. 

Secondly,  although  the  People  of  England,  Scotland,  and 
Ireland,  which  have  extraordinarily  perished,  by  the  Plague 
and  Sword,  within  these  last  forty  years,  do  amount  to  about 
300,000  above  what  [would]  have  died  in  the  ordinary  way : 
yet  the  ordinary  increase  by  generation  of  10,000,000,  which 
doubles  in  200  years,  as  hath  been  shewn  by  the  Observators 
upon  the  Bills  of  Mortality,  may,  in  forty  years,  which  is  a 


sir  W.  Petty. 


Increase  OF  Houses,  AND  Shipping.     57 


fifth  part  of  the  same  time,  have  increased  one-fifth  part  of 
the  whole  number,  or  2,000,000. 

Where  note  by  the  way,  that  the  accession  of  Negroes  to 
the  American  Plantations,  being  all  men  of  great  labour  and 
little  expense,  is  not  inconsiderable.  Besides,  it  is  hoped 
that  New  England  (where  few  or  no  women  are  barren,  and 
most  have  many  children  ;  and  where  people  live  long  and 
healthfully)  hath  produced  an  increase  of  as  many  people  as 
were  destroyed  in  the  late  tumults  in  Ireland. 

As  for  Housing,  the  streets  of  London  itself  speaks  it. 
I  conceive  it  is  double  in  value  in  that  city  to  what  The  Housing 
it  was  forty  years  since.  And  for  Housing  in  the  do^biedTn 
country,  it  has  increased  at  Newcastle,  Yarmouth,  v^'"^- 
Norwich,  Exeter,  Portsmouth,  Cowes  ;  Dublin,  Kinsale, 
Londonderry  and  Coleraine  in  Ireland,  far  beyond  the  pro- 
portion of  what  I  can  learn  has  been  dilapidated  in  other 
places.  For  in  Ireland,  where  the  ruin  was  greatest,  the 
Housing,  taking  all  together,  is  now  more  valuable  than  forty 
years  ago.  Nor  is  this  to  be  doubted  :  since  Housing  is  now 
more  splendid  than  in  those  days;  and  the  number  of  dwellers 
is  increased  by  nearly  one-fifth  part;  as  in  the  last  paragraph 
is  set  forth. 

As  for  Shipping,  His  Majesty's  Navy  is  now  triple  or 
quadruple   to  what  it  was  forty   years  since,  and  T^e  shipping 

,      f  *,         f~,  .  I       •  1  lEvery  much 

beiore  the  sovereign  was  built.  increased ; 

The  shipping  trading  to  Newcastle,  which  is  now  Tons  thereof'^' 
80,000  tons,  could  not  be  then  above  a  quarter  of  that  quantity. 

1.  Because  the  City  of  London  is  doubled. 

2.  Because  the  use  of  coals  is  also  at  least  doubled : 
because  they  were  heretofore  seldom  used  in  chambers 
as  now  they  are ;  nor  were  there  so  many  bricks  burned 
[baked]  with  them,  as  of  late ;  nor  did  the  country  on 
both  sides  the  Thames  make  use  of  them  as  now. 

Besides,  there  are  employed  in  Guinea  [i.e.,  the  slave  dealing] 
and  American  trade,  above  40,000  tons  of  shipping /i:>'  annum  ; 
which  trade  in  those  days  was  inconsiderable. 

The  quantity  of  wines  was  not  nearly  so  much  as  now,  and, 
to  be  short,  the  Customs  upon  imported  and  exported  com- 
modities did  not  then  yield  a  third  part  of  the  present  value: 
which  shews  that  not  only  Shipping,  but  Trade  itself  hath 
increased  somewhat  near  that  proportion. 


58     The  wages  of  a  Labourer  in  1677.  p'Y'^iey^; 

As  to  Money,  the  interest  thereof  was,  within  these  fifty 
mone"'abLed  Y^^^^'  ^^  ;£'io  pcY  ccut.  ;  forty  years  ago,  at  ;^8  ;  and 
"eTdy  haTf.^  now,  at  £6 :  no  thanks  to  any  laws  which  have 
been  made  to  that  purpose !  forasmuch  as  those  who  can  give 
good  security,  may  now  have  it  at  less.  But  the  natural  fall 
of  interest  is  the  effect  of  the  increase  of  money. 

Moreover  if  rented  lands  and  houses  have  increased,  and  if 
^loneyand  trade  hath  increased  also  :  it  is  certain  that  money, 
nue  incr^led.  which  paycth  thosc  rents  and  driveth  on  trade, 
must  have  increased  also. 

Lastly,  I  leave  it  to  the  consideration  of  all  observers, 
whether  the  number  and  splendour  of  Coaches,  Equipage,  and 
Household  Furniture  hath  not  increased  since  that  time  :  to 
say  nothing  of  the  Postage  of  Letters,  which  has  increased 
from  One  to  Twenty ;  which  argues  the  increase  of  business 
and  negotiation. 

I  might  add  that  His  Majesty's  Revenue  is  nearly  tripled ; 
and  therefore  the  means  to  pay,  and  bear  the  same,  have 
increased  also. 

CHAPTER     VII. 

That  One-Tenth  part  of  the  Whole  Expense  of  the  King  of 
England's  subjects  is  sufficient  to  maintain  100,000  Foot,  40,000 
Horse,  and  40,000  seamen  at  sea  ;  and  to  defray  all  other  charges 
of  the  Government,  both  ordinary  and  extraordinary,  if  the  same 
were  regularly  taxed  and  raised. 

O  CLEAR  this  point,  we  are  to  find  out,  What  is  the 
middle  expense  of  each  head  in  the  King's  ^e  Med^umof 
Dominions,  between  the  highest  and  the  Expenseof 
lowest  ?  To  which  I  say,  it  is  not  probably  England. 
less  than  the  expense  of  a  Labourer,  who  earneth  about  8^. 
[■=2s.now]  a  day.  For  the  wages  of  such  a  man  is  4s.  [  =  i2s. 
now]  per  week  without  y\z\.u2l\s,  or  2S.  [=6s.  now]  with  them  : 
where  the  value  of  his  victuals  is  2s.  [=6s.  now]  or  £^  4s. 
[=5^15  I2S.  now]  per  annum. 

Now  the  value  of  clothes  cannot  be  less  than  the  wages 
given  to  the  poorest  maidservant  in  the  country  ;  which  is 
30s.  [=£^  los.  now]  per  annum.  Nor  can  the  charge  of  all 
other  necessaries  be  less  than  6s.  [=  i8s.  now]  per  annum  more. 


^'T'  ^xlS?;]^^^^^^^  English  expense,  per  head,  £'].      59 

Wherefore  the  whole  charge  is  £"]  [=£21  now]. 

It  is  not  likely  that  this  Discourse  will  fall  into  the  hands 
of  any  that  live  at  £7  per  annuin  :  and  therefore  such  [i.e.,  as 
read  it]  will  wonder  at  this  supposition.  But  if  they  consider 
how  much  the  number  of  the  poor  and  their  children  is 
greater  than  that  of  the  rich ;  although  the  personal 
expense  of  some  rich  men  should  be  twenty  times  more  than 
that  of  a  labourer  :  yet  the  expense  of  the  labourer  above 
mentioned  may  well  enough  stand  for  the  Standard  of  the 
expense  of  the  whole  mass  of  mankind. 

Now  if  the  expense  of  each  man,  one  with  another,  be  £y 
per  annum,  and  if  the  number  of  the  King's  subjects  be 
10,000,000 ;  then  the  tenth  part  of  the  whole  expense  will  be 

;r7,000,000    [  =  ;^2I,000,000  «OWj. 

But  about  ^^5, 000,000,  or  a  very  little  more,  will  amount  to 
one  year's  pay  for  100,000  Foot,  40,000  Horse,  and  40,000 
men  at  sea  :  winter  and  summer;  which  can  rarely  be 
necessary  ! 

And  the  ordinary  Charge  of  Government,  in  times  of  deep 
and  serene  peace,  was  not  about  ;^6oo,ooo  [or  £1,800,000 
now]  per  annum. 

Where  a  people  thrive,  there  the  Income  is  greater  than 
the  Expense;  and  consequently  the  tenth  part  of  the  expense 
is  not  a  tenth  part  of  the  income.  Now  for  men  to  pay  a 
tenth  of  their  expense  in  a  time  of  the  greatest  exigency 
(for  such  it  must  be,  when  so  great  forces  are  requisite)  can 
be  no  hardship,  much  less  a  deplorable  condition.  For  to 
bear  a  tenth  part,  a  man  need  spend  but  a  twentieth  part 
less,  and  labour  a  twentieth  part  more  (or  half  an  hour  per 
diem  extraordinary) ;  both  of  which,  within  common  experi- 
ence, are  very  tolerable  :  there  being  very  few  in  England 
who  do  not  eat  by  a  twentieth  part  more  than  does  them 
good ;  and  what  misery  were  it,  instead  of  wearing  cloth  of 
20S.  per  yard,  to  be  contented  with  that  of  19s.,  few  men 
having  skill  enough  to  discern  the  difference. 

Memorandum.  That  all  this  while  I  suppose  that  all  o^ 
these  10,000,000  of  people  are  obedient  to  their  Sovereign, 
and  within  the  reach  of  his  power  :  for  as  things  are  otherwise, 
so  the  calculation  must  be  varied. 


6o    Capital ;^3o,ooo,ooo,  Labour  ^40,000,000. p'""  7"  ^^'e"?; 


CHAPTER     VIII. 

That  there  are  spare  hands  enough,  among  the  King  of 
England's  subjects,  to  earn  ^2,000,000  per  annum  more  than 
they  now  do ;  and  that  there  are  also  employments  ready,  proper, 
and  sufficient  for  that  purpose. 

O  PROVE  this  point,  we  must  inquire,  How  much  all 
the  people  could  earn,  if  they  were  disposed  or 
necessitated  to  labour,  and,  had  work  where- 
upon to  employ  themselves  ?  and  compare  that 
sum  with  that  of  the  total  Expense  above  mentioned;  deduct- 
ing the  rents  and  profits  of  land  and  stock  [capital],  which, 
properly  speaking,  saveth  so  much  labour. 

Now  the  proceeds  of  the  said  lands  and  stock  in  the 
Countries  [counties]  is  about  Three  parts  of  Seven  of  the 
whole  expense.  So  as  where  the  expense  is  ;£'7o, 000,000  the 
rent  of  the  land,  and  the  profit  of  all  personal  estate,  interest 
of  money,  &c.,  must  be  about  ^^30, 000,000  [=£"90,000,000 
now] ,  and  consequently  the  value  of  the  Labour,  ;£"40,ooo,ooo 
[=£120,000,000  now] ,  that  is  £^  [=i£i2  now]  per  head. 

But  it  is  to  be  noted  that  about  a  Quarter  of  the  mass  of 
mankind  are  children,  male  and  female,  under  seven  years 
old  :  from  whom  little  labour  is  to  be  expected. 

It  is  also  to  be  noted  that  about  another  Tenth  part  of  the 
whole  people  are  such  as,  by  reason  of  their  great  estates, 
titles,  dignities.  Offices  and  Professions,  are  exempt  from  that 
kind  of  labour  we  now  speak  of :  their  business  being,  or 
ought  to  be,  to  govern,  regulate,  and  direct  the  labours  and 
actions  of  others. 

So  that  of  10,000,000,  there  may  be  about  6,500,000  which, 
if  need  require,  might  actually  labour. 

And  of  these,  some  might  earn  3s.  [=gs.  now]  a  week, 
some  5s.  [=155.  now],  and  some  7s.  [=2is.]  :  that  is,  all  of 
them :  might  earn  5s.  per  week,  at  a  medium,  one  with 
another;  or  at  least  £*io  [=£"30  now]  per  annum,  allowing 
for  sickness  and  other  accidents.  Whereby  the  whole  might 
earn  £"65,000,000  [=£"195,000,000  now]  per  annum  :  that  is 
£"25,000,000  [=£"75,000,000  now]  more  than  the  expense. 

The  Author  of  The  State  of  England  says  that  the  children 


^^^^j]  Building  trade  after  the  Fire  of  London.    6i 

of  Norwich,  between  six  and  sixteen  years  old,  do  earn 
;fi2,ooo  [=^36,000  now]  per  annum  more  than  they  spend. 
Now  forasmuch  as  the  people  of  Norwich  are  a  three- 
hundredth  part  of  all  the  people  of  England  [i.e.,  20,000],  as 
appears  by  the  accounts  of  the  Hearth  Money  ;  and  about  a 
five-hundredth  part  of  all  the  King's  subjects  throughout  the 
world,  it  follows  that  all  his  Majesty's  subjects  between  six  and 
sixteen  years  old,  might  earn  ,^5,000, 000  [  =  £15,000,000  now] 
per  amtum  more  than  they  spend. 

Again,  forasmuch  as  the  number  of  the  people  above 
sixteen  years  old,  is  double  the  number  of  those  between  six 
and  sixteen  ;  and  that  each  of  the  men  can  earn  double  to 
each  of  the  children  :  it  is  plain  that  if  the  men  and  children 
everywhere,  did  do  as  they  do  at  Norwich,  they  might  earn 
^£25, 000,000  [=£75,000,000  now]  per  annum  more  than  they 
spend.  Which  Estimate  grounded  upon  matter  of  fact  and 
experience,  agrees  with  the  former. 

Although,  as  hath  been  proved,  the  people  of  England  do 
thrive ;  and  that  it  is  possible  they  might  superlucrate 
£25,000,000  per  annum ;  yet  it  is  manifest  that  they  do  not ; 
nor  £23,000,000,  which  is  less  by  the  £2,000,000  herein 
meant. 

For  if  they  did  superlucrate  £23,000,000,  then  in  about 
five  or  six  years'  time,  the  whole  Stock  and  Personal  Estate 
of  the  nation  would  be  doubled :  which  I  wish  were  true ; 
but  find  no  manner  of  reason  to  believe. 

Wherefore  if  they  can  superlucrate  £25,000,000 ;  but  do 
not  actually  superlucrate  £23,000,000,  nor  £20,000,000,  nor 
£10,000,000,  nor  perhaps  £5,000,000  :  I  have  proved  what  was 
propounded,  viz.,  that  there  are  spare  hands  among  the 
King's  subjects  to  earn  £2,000,000  more  than  they  do. 

But  to  speak  a  little  more  particularly  concerning  this 
matter.  It  is  to  be  noted  that  since  the  Fire  of  London, 
there  was  earned,  in  four  years  [1666-1670]  by  tradesmen 
[artisans]  relating  to  building  only,  the  sum  of  £4,000,000 
[=£12,000,000  now],  viz.,  £1,000,000  per  annnm :  without 
lessening  any  other  sort  of  work,  labour  or  manufacture, 
which  was  usually  done  in  any  other  four  years  before  the 
said  occasion. 

But  if  the  tradesmen  relating  to  building  only,  and  such 
of  them  only   as  wrought  in  and   about  London,  could  do 


62    Native  production  of  foreign  imports.  PY'^S?.' 

£1,000,000  worth  of  work  extraordinary ;  I  think  that  from 
thence,  and  from  what  hath  been  said  before,  all  the  rest  of 
the  spare  hands  might  very  well  double  the  same  :  which  is 
as  much  as  was  propounded. 

Now  if  there  were  spare  hands  to  superlucrate  millions 
upon  millions,  they  signify  nothing,  unless  there  were 
employment  for  them  ;  and  may  as  well  follow  their  pleasures 
and  speculations,  as  labour  to  no  purpose.  Therefore  the 
more  material  point  is  to  prove  that  there  is  ;£"2, 000,000 
worth  of  work  to  be  done ;  which  at  present,  the  King's 
subjects  do  neglect. 

For  the  proof  of  this,  there  needs  little  more  to  be  done, 
than  to  compute. 

1.  How  much  money  is  paid  by  the  King  of  England's 
subjects,  to  foreigners  for  freights  of  shipping  ? 

2.  How  much  the  Hollanders  gain  by  their  fishing  trade 
practised  upon  our  seas  ? 

3.  What  is  the  value  of  all  the  commodities  imported  into 
and  spent  in  England :  which  might,  by  diligence,  be 
produced  and  manufactured  here. 

To  make  short  of  this  matter,  upon  perusal  of  the  most 
authentic  accounts  relating  to  these  several  particulars, 
I  affirm  that  the  same  amounteth  to  above  ;£5,ooo,ooo 
[=£15,000,000  now]  :  whereas  I  propounded  but  £2,000,000. 

For  a  further  proof  whereof,  Mr.  Samuel  Fortry,  in  his 
ingenious  Discourse  of  Trade  [1673]  exhibits  the  particulars 
[details] :  wherein  it  appears  that  the  goods  imported  out  of 
France  only,  amount  yearly  to  £2,600,000  [^£7,800,000  now]. 
And  I  affirm  that  the  wine,  paper,  cork,  rosin,  capers,  and  a 
few  other  commodities  which  England  cannot  produce,  do 
not  amount  to  one-fifth  part  of  the  said  sum. 

From  whence  it  follows,  that,  if  Mr.  Fortry  hath  not 
erred,  the  £2,000,000  here  mentioned,  may  arise  from  France 
alone  ;  and  consequently  £5,000,000  or  £6,000,000  from  all 
three  heads  last  above  specified. 


^"^  It'  ^il77:]C0INAGE  AT  THE  RESTORATION,  ;^6,000,000.       6^ 

CHAPTER    IX. 

That  there  is  sufficient  Money  to  drive  the  Trade  of  the  nation. 

IxcE  His  Majesty's  happy  Restoration,  it  was 
thought  fit  to  call  in,  and  new  coin,  the  money 
which  was  made  in  the  times  of  Usurpation 
[Commonwealth].  Now  it  was  observed,  by  the 
general  consent  of  Cashiers  [Goldsmiths  or  money  changers], 
that  the  said  money,  being  by  frequent  revolutions  [circula- 
tions] well  mixed  with  old,  was  about  a  Seventh  part 
thereof;  and  that  the  said  [Commonwealth]  money  being 
called  in,  was  about  jf8oo,ooo  ;  and  consequently  the  whole 
[coinage  was  about]  ^^5, 600,000.  Whereby  it  is  probable,  that, 
some  allowance  being  given  for  hoarded  money,  the  whole 
Cash  of  England  was  then  about  ;r6,ooo,ooo :  which  I  con- 
ceive is  sufficient  to  drive  the  Trade  of  England  :  not  doubting 
but  the  rest  of  His  Majesty's  Dominions  have  the  like  means 
to  do  the  same  respectively. 

If  there  be  6,000,000  souls  in  England,  and  that  each 
spendeth  £y  per  annum,  then  the  whole  expense  is  ;^42,ooo,ooo 
or  about  £"800,000  per  week  :  and  consequently  if  every  man 
did  pay  his  expense  weekly,  and  that  the  money  could  circulate 
within  the  compass  of  a  week,  then  less  than  £1,000,000 
would  answer  the  ends  proposed. 

But  forasmuch  as  the  rents  of  the  lands  in  England,  which 
are  paid  half  yearly,  are  ;r8,ooo,ooo  [=:;£"24,ooo,ooo  Jiow]  per 
annum  ;  there  must  be  ^^4,000, 000  [in  coin  ;  Bank  of  England 
notes  and  chcqiies  not  having  yet  been  invented]  to  pay  them. 

And  forasmuch  as  the  rents  of  the  Housing  of  England, 
paid  quarterly,  are  worth  about  ;£'4,ooo,ooo  [=£12,000,000 
now]  per  annum  ;  there  needs  but  £1,000,000  to  pay  the  said 
rents. 

Wherefore  £6,000,000  being  enough  to  make  good  tha 
three  sorts  of  circulations  above  mentioned  :  I  conceive  what 
was  proposed,  is  competently  proved :  at  least,  until  some- 
thing better  be  held  forth  to  the  contrary. 


64    Gentry  putting  younger  sons  to  Trade.  [^"  J-  ^.^g"^; 


CHAPTER    X. 

That  the  King  of  England's  subjects  have  Stock  [capital] 
competent  and  convenient  to  drive  the  Trade  of  the  whole  Com- 
mercial World. 


^PWraiOw  for  the  further  encouragement  of  Trade,  as  we 
\^H  have  shewn  that  there  is  money  enough  in 
^Jy  England  to  manage  the  affairs  thereof,  so  we 
•^^"^  shall  now  offer  to  consideration,  Whether  there  be 
not  a  competent  and  convenient  Stock  to  drive  the  Trade  of 
the  whole  Commercial  World  ? 

To  which  purpose,  it  is  to  be  remembered  that  all  the 
Commodities  yearly  exported  out  of  every  part  of  the  last- 
mentioned  World,  may  be  bought  for  £45,000,000  ;  and  that 
the  Shipping  employed  in  the  same  World  are  not  worth 
above  ;£"i5,ooo,ooo  more,  and  consequently  that  ;£6o, 000,000 
[=£"180,000,000  now]  at  most  would  drive  the  whole  Trade 
above  mentioned,  without  any  trust  at  all. 

But  forasmuch  as  the  growers  of  commodities  do  commonly 
trust  them  to  such  merchants  or  factors  as  are  worth  but 
such  part  of  the  full  value  of  their  commodities  as  may 
possibly  be  lost  upon  the  sale  of  them ;  whereas  gain  is 
rather  to  be  expected :  it  follows  that  less  than  a  Stock  of 
;£'6o,ooo,ooo  ;  nay,  less  than  half  that  sum  is  sufficient  to 
drive  the  Trade  above  mentioned.  It  being  well  known  that 
any  tradesman  of  good  reputation,  worth  £500,  will  be  trusted 
with  above  £1,000  worth  of  commodities. 

Wherefore  less  than  £30,000,000  will  suffice  for  the  said 
purpose:  of  which  sum,  the  Coin,  Shipping,  and  Stock  already 
in  the  Trade,  do  at  least  make  one-half. 

And  it  hath  been  shewn  {at  p.  23]  how,  by  the  policy  of  a 
Bank  [of  which  not  one  existed  in  England  at  the  time  this  was 
written],  any  sum  of  money  may  be  equivalent  in  Trade  unto 
nearly  double  the  same :  by  all  which  it  seems  that,  even 
at  present,  much  is  not  wanting  to  perform  what  is  pro- 
pounded. 

But  suppose  £20,000,000  or  more  were  wanting,  it  is  not 
improbable  that  since  the  generality  of  Gentlemen,  and  some 
Noblemen  do  put  their  younger  sons  to  merchandise,  they 


^''T'^ily^]  Landed  income,  ^8,000,000  in  1677.    65 

will  see  it  reasonable,  as  they  increase  in  the  number  of 
merchants,  so  to  increase  the  magnitude  of  Trade,  and 
consequently  to  increase  Stock.  Which  may  effectually  be 
done  by  inbanking  5^20,000,000  worth  of  land  (not  being 
above  a  Sixth  or  Seventh  of  the  whole  territory  of  England) 
that  is  to  say,  by  making  a  Fond  [fund]  of  such  value  to  be 
security  for  all  commodities  bought  and  sold  upon  the 
account  of  the  Universal  Trade  here  mentioned  [40  years 
after  this  was  written,  the  Landed  Interest  somewhat  attempted 
this  suggestion,  in  the  foundation  of  the  South  Sea  Company], 

And  thus,  it  having  appeared  that  England  having  in  it, 
as  much  land  like  Holland  and  Zealand,  as  the  said  two 
Provinces  do  themselves  contain  ;  with  abundance  of  other 
land,  not  inconvenient  for  trade  ;  and  that  there  are  spare 
hands  enough,  to  earn  many  millions  of  money  more  than 
they  now  do  ;  and  that  there  is  employment  to  earn  several 
millions,  even  from  the  consumption  of  England  itself:  it 
follows  from  thence,  and  from  what  hath  been  said  in  the 
last  paragraph  about  enlarging  of  Stock,  both  of  money  and 
land,  that  it  is  not  impossible,  nay,  a  very  feasible  matter 
for  the  King  of  England's  subjects  to  gain  the  Universal 
Trade  of  the  whole  Commercial  World. 

Nor  is  it  unseasonable  to  intimate  this  matter.  Foras- 
much as  the  younger  brothers  of  the  good  families  of  England 
cannot  otherwise  be  provided  for,  so  as  to  live  according  to 
their  birth  and  breeding. 

For  if  the  Lands  of  England  are  worth  3^8,000,000  per 
annum,  there  be,  at  a  medium,  about  10,000  families  of 
about  £800  [5^=2,400,  now]  per  annum  :  in  each  of  which,  one 
with  another,  we  may  suppose  there  is  a  younger  brother, 
whom  less  than  ;^200  or  ;^30o  [=;£'6oo  or  ;^goo  now]  per 
annum,  will  not  maintain  suitable  to  his  relations. 

Now  I  say  that  neither  the  Offices  at  Court,  nor  Commands 
in  our  ordinary  army  and  navy,  nor  Church  preferments,  nor 
the  usual  gains  by  the  Profession  of  the  Law  or  of  Physic, 
nor  the  employments  under  Noblemen  and  Prelates,  will,  all 
of  them  put  together,  furnish  livelihoods  of  above  £^00  per 
annum  to  3,000  of  the  said  10,000  younger  brothers  :  where- 
fore it  remains  that  Trade  alone  must  supply  the  rest. 

But  if  the  said  7,000  Gentlemen  be  applied  to  Trade,  with- 

E  .^ 


66      Unity,  Industry,  and  Obedience,  p'^'^'e"?; 

out  increasing  of  Trade;  or  if  we  hope  to  increase  Trade, 
without  increasing  of  Stock  (which,  for  ought  appears,  is  only 
to  be  done  by  imbanking  a  due  proportion  of  Lands  and 
Money)  ;  we  must  necessarily  be  disappointed. 

Where  note,  that  selling  of  lands  to  foreigners  for  gold  and 
silver,  would  enlarge  the  Stock  of  the  Kingdom  :  whereas 
doing  the  same  between  one  another,  doth  effect  nothing. 
For  he  that  turneth  all  his  land  into  money,  disposes  himself 
for  trade  ;  and  he  that  parteth  with  his  money  for  land,  doth 
the  contrary  :  but  to  sell  land  to  foreigners,  increaseth  both 
money  and  people,  and  consequently  trade. 

Wherefore  it  is  to  be  thought  that  when  the  laws  denying 
strangers  to  purchase,  and  not  permitting  them  to  trade 
without  paying  extraordinary  duties,  were  made ;  that  then 
the  public  state  of  things  and  Interest  of  the  nation  were  far 
different  from  what  they  now  are. 


Having  ban;  ^d  these  Ten  principal  Conclusions,  I  might 
go  on  with  others  ad  infinitum.  But  what  hath  been  already 
said,  I  look  upon  as  sufficient,  for  to  shew  what  I  mean  by 
Political  Arithmetic  :  and  to  shew 

1.  The  uses  of  knowing  the  True  State  of  the  People,  Land, 
Stock,  Trade,  &c. 

2.  That  the  King's  subjects  are  not  in  so  bad  a  condition 
as  discontented  men  would  make  them. 

3.  The  great  effect  of  Unity,  Industry,  and  Obedience  in 
order  to  the  common  safety  and  each  man's  peculiar 
happiness. 

FINIS, 


A71 

Ap  p  e  a  I 

to 

Honour  and  Justice^ 

though  it  be  of 

his  worst  Enemies. 

By    DANIEL    DE    FOE. 

Being 

a    true   Account  of    his    Conduct 

in  Public  Affairs. 

Jerem.  xviii.   i8. 

Comey  and  let  us  smite  him  with  the  tongue,  and  let  us  not  give 

heed  to  any  of  his  words. 

L  OND  O  N: 

Printed  for  J,   Baker,  at  the  Black  Boy^  in 
Paternoster  row.      i  7  i  5  . 


69 


An 


A  p  p  e  a  I 

to 

Honour   and  yustice^   ^c. 


Hope  the  Time  is  come  at  last,  when  the  voice 
of  Moderate  Principles  may  be  heard.  Hither- 
to, the  noise  has  been  so  great,  and  the  preju- 
dices and  passions  of  men  so  strong,  that  it 
had  been  but  in  vain  to  offer  at  any  argument, 
or  for  any  man  to  talk  of  giving  a  reason  for 
his  actions.  And  this  alone  has  been  the 
cause  why,  when  other  men  (who,  1  think,  have 
less  to  say  in  their  own  defence)  are  appealing  to  the 
public,  and  struggling  to  defend  themselves ;  I,  alone,  have 
been  silent,  under  the  infinite  clamours  and  reproaches, 
causeless  curses,  unusual  threatenings,  and  the  most  unjust 
and  injurious  treatment  in  the  world. 

I  hear  much  of  people's  calling  out  to  Punish  the  Guilty  ! 
but  very  few  are  concerned  to  Clear  the  Innocent  !  I  hope 
some  will  be  inclined  to  judge  impartially;  and  have  yet 
reserved  so  much  of  the  Christian  as  to  believe,  and  at  least 
to  hope,  that  a  rational  creature  cannot  abandon  himself  so 
as  to  act  without  some  reason  :  and  are  willing  not  only  to 
have  me  defend  myself;  but  to  be  able  to  answer  for  me, 
where  they  hear  me  causelessly  insulted  by  others,  and 
therefore  are  willing  to  have  such  just  Arguments  put  into 
their  mouths,  as  the  cause  will  bear. 

As  for  those  who  are  prepossessed,  and  according  to  the 
modern  justice  of  Parties  are  resolved  to  be  so,  let  them  go  I 
I  am  not  arguing  with  them,  hut  against  them !  They  act  so 
contrary  to  Justice,  to  Reason,  to  Religion,  so  contrary  to 
the  rules  of  Christians  and  of  good  manners,  that  they  are 


"JO      Reasons  for  publishing  this  Appeal.   [rJ^v^il^: 

not  to  be  argued  with,  but  to  be  exposed  or  entirely  neglected. 
I  have  a  receipt  against  all  the  uneasiness  which  it  may  be 
supposed  to  give  me ;  and  that  is,  to  contemn  slander,  and  to 
think  it  not  worth  the  least  concern.  Neither  should  I  think 
it  worth  while  to  give  any  answer  to  it,  if  it  were  not  on 
some  other  accounts,  of  which  I  shall  speak  as  I  go  on. 

If  any  man  ask  me,  Why  I  am  in  such  haste  to  publish  this 
matter  at  this  time  ?  among  many  other  good  reasons  which 
I  could  give,  these  are  some : 

1.  I  think  I  have  long  enough  been  made  fabnla  vulgi, 
and  borne  the  weight  of  general  slander;  and  I  should 
be  wanting  to  truth,  to  my  family,  and  to  myself,  if 
I  did  not  give  a  fair  and  true  state  of  my  conduct,  for 
impartial  men  to  judge  of,  when  I  am  no  more  in  being, 
to  answer  for  myself. 

2.  By  the  hints  of  mortality,  and  by  the  infirmities  of 
a  Life  of  Sorrow  and  Fatigue,  I  have  reason  to  think 
that  I  am  not  a  great  way  off  from,  if  not  very  near 
to,  the  great  Ocean  of  Eternity  ;  and  the  time  may 
not  be  long  ere  I  embark  on  the  last  voyage.  Where- 
fore I  think,  I  should  even  accounts  with  this  world, 
before  I  go :  that  no  actions  {slanders)  may  lie  against 
my  heirs,  executors,  administrators,  and  assigns,  to 
disturb  them  in  the  peaceable  possession  of  their 
father's  inheritance  {character). 

3.  I  fear  (GOD  grant  I  have  not  a  second  sight  in  it  !) 
that  this  lucid  interval  of  Temper  and  Moderation 
which  shines,  though  dimly  too,  upon  us  at  this  time, 
will  be  but  of  short  continuance :  and  that  some  men 
(who  knownot  how  to  use  the  advantage,  GOD  has  put 
into  their  hands)  with  moderation,  will  push  (in  spite 
of  the  best  Prince  of  the  world)  at  such  extravagant 
things,  and  act  with  such  an  intemperate  forwardness, 
as  will  revive  the  Heats  and  Animosities,  which  wise 
and  good  men  were  in  hopes  should  be  allayed  by  the 
happy  Accession  of  the  King  [George  I.]  to  the  throne. 

It  is,  and  ever  was,  my  opinion  that  Moderation  is  the  only 
virtue  by  which  the  peace  and  tranquility  of  this  nation  can 


i£"y°ti4-]   Moderation  alone  will  secure  peace.     ;i 

be  preserved.  Even  the  King  himself  (I  believe  His  Majesty 
will  allow  me  that  freedom !)  can  only  be  happy  in  the  en- 
joyment of  the  crown  by  a  Moderate  Administration.  If  His 
Majesty  should  be  obliged,  contrary  to  his  known  disposition, 
to  join  with  intemperate  counsels  ;  if  it  does  not  lessen  his 
security,  I  am  persuaded  it  will  lessen  his  satisfaction  !  It 
cannot  be  pleasant  or  agreeable,  and,  I  think,  it  cannot  be 
safe  to  any  just  Prince  to  rule  over  a  divided  people,  split 
into  incensed  and  exasperated  Parties.  Though  a  skilful 
mariner  may  have  courage  to  master  a  tempest,  and  goes 
fearless  through  a  storm  ;  yet  he  can  never  be  said  to  delight 
in  the  danger  !  A  fresh  fair  gale  and  a  quiet  sea  are  the 
pleasure  of  his  voyage  :  and  we  have  a  saying  worth  notice, 
to  them  that  are  otherwise  minded,  Qui  amat  pericubim 
periibat  in  illo. 

To  attain  at  the  happy  Calm,  which,  as  I  say,  is  the  safety 
of  Britain,  is  the  question  which  should  now  move  us  all  : 
and  he  would  merit  to  be  called  the  Nation's  Physician  that 
could  prescribe  the  specific  for  it.  I  think  I  may  be  allowed 
to  say,  a  Conquest  of  Parties  will  never  do  it!  a  Balance  of 
Parties  may  !  Some  are  for  the  former.  They  talk  high 
of  punishments  !  letting  blood  !  revenging  treatment  they 
have  met  with  !  and  the  like.  If  they,  not  knowing  what 
spirit  they  are  of,  think  this  the  course  to  be  taken,  let  them 
try  their  hands  !  I  shall  give  them  up  for  lost !  and  look 
for  their  downfall  from  that  time.  For  the  ruin  of  all  such 
tempers  slumbereth  not ! 

It  is  many  years  that  I  have  professed  myself  an  enemy  to 
all  Precipitations  in  Public  Administrations  ;  and  often  I  have 
attempted  to  shew  that  Hot  Counsels  have  ever  been  destruc- 
tive to  those  who  have  made  use  of  them.  Indeed,  they  have 
not  always  been  a  disadvantage  to  the  nation.  As  in  King 
James  II. 's  reign:  where,  as  I  have  often  said  in  print,  his 
precipitation  was  the  safety  of  us  all;  and  if  he  had  proceeded 
temperately  and  politicl}',  we  had  been  undone.  Fcelix  quern 
faciunt.  But  these  things  have  been  spoken,  when  your 
ferment  has  been  too  high  for  anything  to  be  heard.  Whether 
you  will  hear  it  now  or  not,  I  know  not !  and  therefore  it  was 
that  I  said,  I  fear  the  present  Cessation  of  Party  Arms  will 
not  hold  long. 

These  are  some  of  the  reasons,  why  I  think  this  is  a  proper 


72     Inducements  to  Defoe  to  go  to  Cadiz.  [i^v!'f7i4! 

juncture  for  me  to  give  some  account  of  myself  and  of  my 
past  conduct  to  the  world ;  and  that  I  may  do  this  as 
effectually  as  I  can  (being,  perhaps,  never  more  to  speak 
from  the  Press),  I  shall,  as  concisely  as  I  can,  give  an 
Abridgement  of  my  own  History,  during  the  few  unhappy 
years  I  have  employed  myself,  or  been  employed  in  Public  in 
the  World. 


Misfortunes  in  business  having  unhinged  me  from  matters 
of  trade,  it  was  about  the  year  1694,  that  I  was  invited  (by 
some  merchants  with  whom  I  had  corresponded  abroad,  and 
some  also  at  home)  to  settle  at  Cadiz  in  Spain ;  and  that, 
with  offers  of  very  good  commissions  :  but  Providence,  which 
had  other  work  for  me  to  do,  placed  a  secret  aversion  in  my 
mind  to  quitting  England  upon  any  account ;  and  made  me 
refuse  the  best  offers  of  that  kind,  to  be  concerned  with  some 
Eminent  Persons  at  home,  in  proposing  Ways  and  Means  to 
the  Government,  for  raising  money  to  supply  the  occasions 
of  the  war  then  newly  begun. 

Some  time  after  this,  I  was  (without  the  least  application 
of  mine,  and  being  then  seventy  miles  from  London)  sent 
for,  to  be  Accountant  to  the  *'  Commissioners  of  the  Glass 
Duty":  in  which  service  I  continued,  to  the  determination 
of  their  commission  [in  1699]. 

During  this  time  [or  rather  somewhat  later,  on  1st  Atigust 
1700],  there  came  out  a  vile,  abhorred  pamphlet,  in  very  ill 
verse,  written  by  one  Mr.  Tutchin,  called  The  Foreigners :  in 
which  the  Author  (who  he  was,  I  then  knew  not !)  fell 
personally  upon  the  King  himself,  and  then  upon  the  Dutch 
nation ;  and  after  having  reproached  His  Majesty  with 
crimes  that  his  worst  enemy  could  not  think  of  without 
horror,  he  sums  up  all  in  the  odious  name  of  "  Foreigner  !  " 

This  filled  me  with  a  kind  of  rage  against  the  book ;  and 
gave  birth  to  a  trifle  which  I  never  could  hope  should  have 
met  with  so  general  an  acceptation  as  it  did.  I  mean  The 
True  Born  Englishman  [which  appeared  in  January,  1701], 

How  this  poem  was  the  occasion  of  my  being  known  to 
His  Majesty  [William  III.] ;  how  I  was  afterwards  received 
by  him ;  how  employed  ;  and  how  (above  my  capacity  of 
deserving)  rewarded ;  is  no  part  of  this  present  Case :  and  is 


Nov°ifi4.]  Defoe  in  the  service  of  William  III.     ^jT) 

only  mentioned  here,  as  I  take  all  occasions  to  do,  for  the 
expressing  of  the  honour  I  ever  preserved  for  the  immortal 
and  glorious  memory  of  that  greatest  and  best  of  Princes ; 
whom  it  was  my  honour  and  advantage  to  call  Master  as  well 
as  Sovereign  !  whose  goodness  to  me  I  never  forgot,  neither 
can  forget  !  whose  memory  I  never  patiently  heard  abused, 
nor  ever  can  do  so  1  and  who,  had  he  lived,  would  never  have 
suffered  me  to  be  treated,  as  I  have  been  in  the  World ! 

But  Heaven,  for  our  sins,  removed  him,  in  judgement. 
How  far  the  treatment  he  met  with  from  the  nation  he  came 
to  save,  and  whose  deliverance  he  finished,  was  admitted  by 
Heaven  to  be  a  means  of  his  death  ;  I  desire  to  forget,  for 
their  sakes,  who  are  guilty.  And  if  this  calls  any  of  it  to 
mind,  it  is  mentioned  to  move  them  to  treat  him  better  who 
is  now,  with  like  principles  of  goodness  and  clemency,  ap- 
pointed by  GOD  and  the  Constitution,  to  be  their  Sovereign  : 
lest  He  that  protects  righteous  Princes,  avenge  the  injuries 
they  receive  from  an  ungrateful  people  !  by  giving  them  up 
to  the  confusions,  their  madness  leads  them  to. 


And  in  their  just  acclamations  at  the  happy  Accession  of 
His  present  Majesty  {George  /.]  to  the  throne,  I  cannot 
but  advise  them  to  look  back,  and  call  to  mind,  Who  it  was, 
that  first  guided  them  to  the  Family  of  Hanover,  and  to 
pass  by  all  the  Popish  branches  of  Orleans  and  Savoy  ? 
recognizing  the  just  authority  of  Parliament,  in  the  undoubted 
Right  of  Limiting  the  Succession,  and  establishing  that 
glorious  Maxim  of  our  Settlement,  viz..  That  it  is  inconsistent 
with  the  Constitution  of  this  Protestant  Kingdom  to  be  governed 
by  a  Popish  Prince.  I  say,  let  them  call  to  mind,  Who  it  was 
that  guided  their  thoughts  first  to  the  Protestant  race  of  our 
own  Kings,  in  the  House  of  Hanover  ?  and  that  it  is  to  King 
William,  next  to  Heaven  itself,  to  whom  we  owe  the  enjoying 
of  a  Protestant  King  at  this  time, 

I  need  not  go  back  to  the  particulars  of  His  Majesty's 
conduct  in  that  affair,  his  journey  in  person  to  the  country  of 
Hanover,  and  the  Court  of  Zell,  his  particular  management 
of  the  affair  afterwards  at  home,  perfecting  the  design  by 
naming  the  illustrious  Family  to  the  nation,  and  bringing 
about   a   Parliamentary   Settlement   to   effect   it ;    entailing 


74       Defoe  never  feared  the  Pretender.    [iJ^v'^i^m* 

thereby  the  Crown  in  so  effectual  a  manner,  as  we  see  has 
been  sufficient  to  prevent  the  worst  designs  of  our  Jacobite 
people  in  behalf  of  the  Pretender.  A  Settlement,  together 
with  the  subsequent  Acts  which  followed  it,  and  the  Union 
with  Scotland  which  made  it  unalterable,  that  gave  a  complete 
satisfaction  to  those  who  knew  and  understood  it ;  and  re- 
moved those  terrible  apprehensions  of  the  Pretender  (which 
some  entertained)  from  the  minds  of  others,  who  were  yet  as 
zealous  against  him  as  it  was  possible  for  any  to  be.  Upon 
this  Settlement,  as  I  shall  shew  presently,  I  grounded  my 
opinion,  which  I  often  expressed,  viz.,  That  I  did  not  see  it 
possible,  the  Jacobites  could  ever  set  up  their  Idol  here!  and  I  think 
my  opinion  abundantly  justified  in  the  consequences:  of  which 
by-and-by. 

This  digression,  as  a  debt  to  the  glorious  memory  of  King 
William,  I  could  not  in  justice  omit  :  and  as  the  reign  of  His 
present  Majesty  is  esteemed  happy,  and  looked  upon  as  a 
blessing  from  heaven  by  us  ;  it  will  most  necessarily  lead  us 
to  bless  the  memory  of  King  William,  to  whom  we  owe  so 
much  of  it.  How  easily  could  His  Majesty  have  led  us  to 
other  branches,  whose  relation  to  the  Crown  might  have  had 
large  pretences  ?  What  Prince  but  would  have  submitted  to 
have  educated  a  successor  of  their  race  in  the  Protestant 
Religion,  for  the  sake  of  such  a  Crown  !  But  the  King,  who 
had  our  happiness  in  view,  and  saw  as  far  into  it  as  any 
human  sight  could  penetrate  ;  who  knew  we  were  not  to  be 
governed  by  inexperienced  youths ;  that  the  Protestant 
Religion  was  not  to  be  established  by  Political  Converts  ; 
and  that  Princes  under  French  influence  or  instructed  in 
French  politics,  were  not  proper  Instruments  to  preserve  the 
Liberties  of  Britain  :  fixed  his  eyes  upon  the  Family  which 
now  possesses  the  Crown,  as  not  only  having  an  undoubted 
relation  to  it  by  blood,  but  as  being,  first  and  principally, 
zealous  and  powerful  assertors  of  the  Protestant  Religion  and 
Interest  against  Popery ;  and,  secondly,  stored  with  a  visible 
succession  of  worthy  and  promising  branches,  who  appeared 
equal  to  the  weight  of  Government,  qualified  to  fill  a  Throne, 
and  guide  a  Nation,  which  (without  any  reflection)  are  not 
famed  to  be  the  most  easy  to  rule  in  the  world. 

Whether  the  consequence  has  been  a  credit  to  King 
William's  judgement,  I  need  not  say.     I  am  not  writing 


N^v^'7'^?4.1  ^^^  ^'  Seymour's  Party,  the  Hot  Men.      "j^ 

panegyrics  here,  but  doing  justice  to  the  memory  of  the  King 
my  Master,  who  I  have  had  the  honour  very  often  to  hear 
express  himself  with  great  satisfaction  in  having  brought  the 
Settlement  of  the  Succession  to  so  good  an  issue  :  and  to 
repeat  His  Majesty's  own  words,  "  That  he  knew  no  Prince 
in  Europe  so  fit  to  be  King  of  England,  as  the  Elector  of 
Hanover."  I  am  persuaded,  without  any  flattery,  that  if  it 
should  not  every  way  answer  the  expectations  His  Majesty 
had  of  it,  the  fault  will  be  our  own!  GOD  grant  the  King 
to  have  more  comfort  of  his  Crown,  than  we  suffered  King 
William  to  have  ! 

The  King  being  dead,  and  the  Queen  {Anne\  proclaimed; 
the  Hot  Men  of  that  side  (as  Hot  Men  of  all  sides  do)  thinking 
the  game  in  their  own  hands,  and  all  other  people  under 
their  feet — began  to  run  out  into  all  those  mad  extremes,  and 
precipitate  themselves  into  such  measures,  as,  according  to 
the  fate  of  all  intemperate  counsels,  ended  in  their  own 
confusion,  and  threw  them  at  last  out  of  the  saddle. 

The  Queen  (who,  though  willing  to  favour  the  High 
Church  party,  did  not  thereby  design  the  ruin  of  those  she 
did  not  employ)  was  soon  alarmed  at  their  wild  conduct,  and 
turned  them  out :  adhering  to  the  moderate  counsels  of  those 
who  better  understood,  or  more  faithfully  pursued  Her 
Majesty's  and  their  country's  Interest. 

In  this  turn,  fell  "  Sir  Edward  Seymour's  Party" ;  for  so 
the  High  Men  were  then  called  :  and  to  this  turn,  we  owe 
the  conversion  of  several  other  Great  Men ;  who  became 
Whigs  upon  that  occasion,  which  it  is  known  they  were  not 
before.  Which  conversion  begat  that  unkind  distinction  of 
"Old  Whig"  and  "Modern  Whig";  which  some  of  the 
former  were,  with  very  little  justice,  pleased  to  run  up  after- 
wards to  an  extreme  very  pernicious  to  both. 


But  I  am  gone  too  far  in  this  part.  I  return  to  my  own 
story.  In  the  interval  of  these  things,  and  during  the  heat 
of  the  first  fury  of  High  Flying;  I  fell  a  sacrifice  for  writing 
against  the  rage  and  madness  of  that  High  Party,  and  in  the 
service  of  the  Dissenters,  What  justice  I  met  with !  and 
above  all,  what  mercy !  are  too  well  known  to  need  a 
repetition. 


76    Defoe's  release,  the  Foundation  of  his  conduct. 

This  Introduction  is  made  that  it  may  bring  me  to  what 
has  been  the  Foundation  of  all  my  further  concern  in  Public 
Affairs :  and  will  produce  a  sufficient  reason  for  my  adhering 
to  those,  whose  obligations  upon  me  were  too  strong  to  be 
resisted ;  even  when  many  things  were  done  by  them,  which 
I  could  not  approve.  And  for  this  reason  it  is,  that  I  think 
it  is  necessary  to  distinguish  how  far  I  did  or  did  not  adhere 
to,  or  join  in  or  with  the  Persons  or  Conduct  of  the  late 
Government  [i.e.,  of  Lord  Oxford's  Administration,  1710- 
1714]  :  and  those  who  are  willing  to  judge  with  impartiality 
and  charity,  will  see  reason  to  use  me  more  tenderly  in  their 
thoughts,  when  they  weigh  the  particulars. 

I  will  make  no  reflections  upon  the  treatment  I  met  with 
from  the  people  I  sujferedfor\  or  how  I  was  abandoned,  even 
in  my  sufferings,  at  the  same  time  that  they  acknowledged  the 
service  it  had  been  to  their  cause. 

But  I  must  mention  it,  to  let  you  know,  that  while  I  lay 
friendless  and  distressed  in  the  prison  of  Newgate,  my  family 
ruined,  and  myself  without  hope  of  deliverance ;  a  message 
was  brought  [in  May,  1704]  me  from  a  Person  of  Honour 
[Robert  Harley,  afterwards  Lord  Oxford],  with  whom,  till 
that  time,  I  had  never  had  the  least  acquaintance  or  know- 
ledge of,  other  than  by  fame,  or  by  sight  as  we  know  Men 
of  Quality  by  seeing  them  on  public  occasions.  I  gave  no 
present  [immediate]  answer  to  the  person  who  brought  it, 
having  not  duly  weighed  the  import  of  the  message  :  which 
was  by  word  of  mouth  thus,  "  Pray  ask  that  Gentleman, 
what  I  can  do  for  him  ?  " 

But  in  return  to  this  kind  and  generous  message,  I 
immediately  took  my  pen  and  ink,  and  wrote  the  story  of  the 
blind  man  in  the  Gospel  who  followed  our  Saviour,  and  to 
whom  our  blessed  LORD  put  the  question,  "  What  wilt  thou, 
that  I  should  do  unto  thee  ?  "  who,  as  if  he  had  made  it 
strange  that  such  a  question  should  be  asked;  or  as  if  he  had 
said,  "  Lord !  dost  thou  see  that  I  am  blind  !  and  yet  asketh 
me  what  thou  shalt  do  for  me  ?  My  answer  is  plain  in  my 
misery,  '  Lord  !  that  I  may  receive  my  sight !  ' " 

I  needed  not  to  make  the  application :  and  from  this  time, 
although  I  lay  four  months  [May-August,  1704]  in  prison 
after  this,  and  heard  no  more  of  it ;  yet  from  this  time,  as  I 
learned  afterwards,  this  Noble  Person  made  it  his  business 


N^v^iti4.]  Queen  Anne  blames  Lord  Nottingham,     '^'j 

to  have  my  Case  represented  to  Her  Majesty,  and  methods 
taken  for  my  deliverance. 

I  mention  this  part,  because  I  am  no  more  to  forget  the 
Obhgation  upon  me  to  the  Queen,  than  to  my  First  Bene- 
factor. 

When  Her  Majesty  came  to  have  the  truth  of  the  case 
laid  before  her,  I  soon  felt  the  effects  of  her  royal  goodness 
and  compassion.  And  first,  Her  Majesty  declared  "  that  she 
left  all  that  matter  to  a  certain  person  [Daniel  Finch,  Earl 
of  Nottingham],  and  did  not  think  he  would  have  used  me 
in  such  a  manner." 

Perhaps  these  words  may  seem  imaginary  to  some,  and 
the  speaking  of  them  to  be  of  no  value ;  and  so  they  would 
have  been,  if  they  had  not  been  followed  with  further  and 
more  convincing  proofs  of  what  they  imported  :  which  were 
these.  That  Her  Majesty  was  pleased  particularly  to  inquire 
into  my  circumstances  and  family  ;  and  by  my  Lord  Trea- 
surer GoDOLPHiN,  to  send  a  considerable  supply  to  my  wife 
and  family ;  and  to  send  to  me  in  the  prison,  money  to  pay 
my  fine,  and  the  expenses  of  my  discharge.  Whether  this  be 
a  just  Foundation,  let  my  enemies  judge  ! 

Here  is  the  Foundation  on  which  I  built  my  first  Sense  of 
Duty  to  Her  Majesty's  ^^'ysow;  and  the  indelible  bond  of 
gratitude  to  my  First  Benefactor. 

Gratitude  and  Fidelity  are  inseparable  from  an  honest  man ! 
but  to  be  thus  obliged  by  a  stranger,  by  a  Man  of  Quality 
and  Honour ;  and  after  that,  by  the  Sovereign  under  whose 
Administration  I  was  suffering  :  let  any  one  put  himself  in 
my  stead  !  and  examine  upon  what  principles  I  could  ever  act 
against  either  such  a  Queen,  or  such  a  Benefactor  !  And  what 
must  have  my  own  heart  reproached  me  with  !  what  blushes 
must  have  covered  my  face,  when  I  had  looked  in  and  called 
myself  ungrateful  to  Him  that  saved  me  thus  from  distress! 
or  to  Her  that  fetched  me  out  of  the  dungeon,  and  gave  my 
family  relief!  Let  any  man  who  knows  what  principles  are, 
what  engagements  of  honour  and  gratitude  are,  make  this 
case  his  own  1  and  say,  What  I  could  have  done  less,  or  more, 
than  I  have  done  ? 

I  must  go  on  a  little  with  the  detail  of  the  Obligation  ;  and 
then  I  shall  descend  to  relate,  What  I  have  done,  and  What  I 
have  not  done,  in  this  case. 


yB,     Faithfulness  of  Defoe  to  Harley.  [N^v°f°^ 

Being  delivered  from  the  distress  I  was  in  ;  Her  Majesty, 
who  was  not  satisfied  to  do  me  good  by  a  single  act  of  her 
bounty,  had  the  goodness  to  think  of  taking  me  into  her 
Service  :  and  I  had  the  honour  to  be  employed  in  several 
honourable  though  secret  services,  by  the  interposition  of  my 
First  Benefactor,  who  then  appeared  as  a  member  in  the 
Public  Administration  [Robert  Harley  had  succeeded  Lord 
Nottingham,  as  Secretary  of  State,  on  May  i8,  1704]. 

I  had  the  happiness  to  discharge  myself  in  all  these  trusts 
so  much  to  the  satisfaction  of  those  who  employed  me, 
though  oftentimes  with  difficulty  and  danger :  that  my 
Lord  Treasurer  Godolphin  (whose  memory  I  have  always 
honoured)  was  pleased  to  continue  his  favour  to  me,  and  to 
do  me  all  good  offices  with  Her  Majesty — even  after  an 
unhappy  breach  had  separated  him  from  my  First  Benefactor. 
The  particulars  of  which  [favour]  it  may  not  be  improper  to 
relate ;  and  as  it  is  not  an  injustice  to  any,  so  I  hope  it  will 
not  be  offensive. 

When,  upon  that  fatal  breach  [February  15,  1708],  the 
Secretary  of  State  [Harley]  was  dismissed  from  the  Service; 
I  looked  upon  myself  as  lost !  it  being  a  general  rule  in  such 
cases,  when  a  Great  Officer  falls,  that  all  who  came  in  by  his 
Interest,  fall  with  him.  And  resolving  never  to  abandon  the 
fortunes  of  the  Man  to  whom  I  owed  so  much  of  my  own ;  I 
quitted  the  usual  applications  which  I  had  made  to  my  Lord 
Treasurer. 

But  my  generous  benefactor,  when  he  understood  it,  frankly 
told  me,  "  That  I  should,  by  no  means,  do  so  !  for,"  said  he, 
in  the  most  engaging  terms,  "my  Lord  Treasurer  will  employ 
you  in  nothing  but  what  is  for  the  Public  Service,  and  agree- 
able to  your  own  sentiments  of  things  :  and,  besides,  it  is  the 
Queen  you  are  serving !  who  has  been  very  good  to  you. 
Pray  apply  yourself  as  you  used  to  do  I  I  shall  not  take  it 
ill  from  you  in  the  least." 

Upon  this,  I  went  to  wait  on  my  Lord  Treasurer,  who 
received  me  with  great  freedom,  and  told  me  smiling,  "  He 
had  not  seen  me  a  long  while." 

I  told  his  Lordship  very  frankly  the  occasion.  "  That  the 
unhappy  breach  that  had  fallen  out  had  made  me  doubtful 
whether  I  should  be  acceptable  to  his  Lordship,  that  I  knew 
it  was  usual  when  Great  Persons  fall,  that  all  who  were  in 


Nov°i7°i4.]  Yet  he  does  not  see  him  for  3  years.    79 

their  Interest  fell  with  them ;  that  his  Lordship  knew  the 
obligations  I  was  under,  and  that  I  could  not  but  fear  my 
Interest  in  his  Lordship  was  lessened  on  that  account." 

"  Not  at  all,  Mr.  De  Foe  !  "  replied  his  Lordship,  "  I 
always  think  a  man  honest,  till  I  find  to  the  contrary." 

Upon  this,  I  attended  his  Lordship  as  usual :  and  being 
resolved  to  remove  all  possible  ground  of  suspicion  that  I 
kept  any  secret  correspondence  [with  him],  I  never  visited, 
nor  wrote  to,  or  in  any  way  corresponded  with,  my  Principal 
Benefactor  [i.e.,HARLEY]  for  above  three  years  [1708  to  1711] ; 
which  he  so  well  knew  the  reason  of,  and  so  well  approved 
that  punctual  behaviour  in  me;  that  he  never  took  it  ill  from 
me  at  all. 

In  consequence  of  this  reception  [?  in  1708],  my  Lord 
GoDOLPHiN  had  the  goodness,  not  only  to  introduce  me,  for 
the  second  time,  to  Her  Majesty  and  to  the  honour  of  kissing 
her  hand,  but  obtained  for  me  the  continuance  of  an  appoint- 
ment which  Her  Majesty  had  been  pleased  to  make  me  in 
consideration  of  a  former  special  service  I  had  done  [in  a 
foreign  country,  see  pp.  83,  100],  and  in  which  I  had  run  as  much 
risk  of  my  life  as  a  Grenadier  upon  the  Counterscarp  :  which 
appointment  however  was  first  obtained  for  me,  at  the  inter- 
cession of  my  said  First  Benefactor  [Harley],  and  is  all 
owing  to  that  intercession  and  Her  Majesty's  bounty. 

Upon  this  second  introduction,  Her  Majesty  was  pleased 
to  tell  me,  with  a  goodness  peculiar  to  herself,  that  she  "  had 
such  satisfaction  in  my  former  services,  that  she  had  ap- 
pointed me  for  another  affair,  which  was  something  nice 
[delicate  or  difficult],  and  that  my  Lord  Treasurer,  should  tell 
me  the  rest." 

And  so  I  withdrew. 

The  next  day,  his  Lordship,  having  commanded  me  to 
attend,  told  me  that  "  he  must  send  me  into  Scotland,"  and 
gave  me  but  three  days  to  prepare  myself. 

Accordingly,  I  went  to  Scotland  :  where  neither  my  busi- 
ness, nor  the  manner  of  my  discharging  it,  is  material  to 
this  Tract ;  nor  will  it  be  ever  any  part  of  my  character  that  I 
reveal  what  should  be  concealed.  And  yet  my  errand  was 
such  as  was  far  from  being  unfit  for  a  Sovereign  to  direct,  or 
an  honest  man  to  perform  :  and  the  service  I  did  on  that 
occasion,    as   it   is  not    unknown   to  the  greatest  man  ithe 


So    An  honest  man  connot  be  ungrateful.  [iJ^v!^it°4." 

Diike  of  Shrewsbury]  now  in  the  nation,  under  the  King  and 
the  Prince  [of  Wales]  ;  so,  I  dare  say,  His  Grace  was  never 
displeased  with  the  part  I  had  in  it,  and  I  hope  will  not 
forget  it. 

These  things  I  mention,  upon  this  account  and  no  other; 
viz.,  to  state  the  Obligation  I  have  been  in,  all  along,  to  Her 
Majesty  personally ;  and  to  my  First  Benefactor  principally  :hy 
which  I  say,  I  thijik  I  was  at  least  obliged  not  to  act  against 
them  ;  even  in  those  things  which  I  might  not  approve. 

Whether  I  have  acted  with  them  further  than  I  ought, 
shall  be  spoken  to  by  itself. 

Having  said  thus  much  of  the  Obligations  laid  on  me,  and 
the  Persons  by  whom  ;  I  have  only  this  to  add,  that  I  think 
no  man  will  say,  a  subject  could  be  under  greater  bonds  to 
his  Prince,  or  a  private  person  to  a  Minister  of  State  :  and  I 
shall  ever  preserve  this  principle,  that  An  honest  man  cannot 
be  ungrateful  to  his  benefactor  ! 

But  let  no  man  run  away,  now,  with  the  notion  that  I  am 
now  intending  to  plead  the  Obligation  that  was  upon  me 
from  Her  Majesty  or  from  any  other  person,  to  justify  my 
doing  anything  that  is  not  otherwise  to  be  justified  in  itself. 
Nothing  would  be  more  injurious,  than  such  a  construction ; 
and  therefore  I  capitulate  [stipulate]  for  so  much  justice  as 
to  explain  myself  by  this  declaration,  viz. 

That  I  only  speak  of  these  obligations  as  binding  me  to  a- 
Negative  conduct :  not  to  fly  in  the  face  of,  or  concern  myself  in 
disputes  with,  those  to  whom  I  was  under  such  obligations; 
although  I  might  not,  in  my  judgement,  join  in  many  things  that 
were  done. 

No  Obligation  could  excuse  me  in  calling  evil,  good  ;  or 
good,  evil :  but  I  am  of  the  opinion  that  I  might  justly  think 
myself  obliged  to  defend  what  I  thought  was  to  be  defended, 
and  to  be  silent  in  anything  which  I  might  think  was  not. 

If  this  is  a  crime,  I  must  plead  "  Guilty  !  "  and  give  in 
the  History  of  my  Obligation  above  mentioned,  as  an  extenu- 
ation, at  least,  if  not  a  justification  of  my  conduct. 

Suppose  a  man's  father  was  guilty  of  several  things 
unlawful  and  unjustifiable;  a  man  may  heartily  detest  the 
unjustifiable  thing,  and  yet  it  ought  not  to  be  expected  that 
he  should  expose  his  father !     I  think  the  case  on  my  side, 


N^'v.^iti4:]  The  Charges  made  against  Defoe.    8i 

exactly  the  same.  Nor  can  the  duty  to  a  parent  be  more 
strongly  obliging,  than  the  Obligation  laid  on  me.  But  I 
must  allow  the  case  on  the  other  side,  not  the  same. 


And  this  brings  me  to  the  Affirmative,  and  to  inquire. 
What  the  matters  of  fact  are  ?  what  I  have  done,  or  have  not 
done,  on  account  of  these  Obligations  which  I  have  been 
under? 

It  is  a  general  suggestion,  and  is  affirmed  with  such 
assurance  that  they  tell  me,  "  It  is  in  vain  to  contradict  it !  " 
that  I  have  been  employed  by  the  Earl  of  0[xfor]d,  the  late  Lord 
Treasurer,  in  the  late  disputes  about  Public  Affairs,  to  write  for 
him,  or  to  put  it  into  their  own  particulars,  have  written  by 
his  direction,  taken  the  materials  from  him,  been  dictated  to  or 
instructed  by  him,  or  by  other  persons  from  him,  by  his  order, 
and  the  like ;  and  that  I  Jiave  received  a  pension,  or  salary,  or 
payment  from  his  Lordship  for  such  services  as  these. 

If  I  could  put  it  into  words  that  would  more  fully  express 
the  meaning  of  these  people,  I  profess  I  would  do  it. 

One  would  think  it  was  impossible,  but  that  since  these 
things  have  been  so  confidently  affirmed,  some  evidence 
might  be  produced  !  some  facts  might  appear !  some  one 
body  or  other  might  be  found,  that  could  speak  of  certain 
knowledge  !  To  say  "  things  have  been  carried  too  closely  to 
be  discovered,"  is  saying  nothing !  for,  then,  they  must  own 
that  "  it  is  not  discovered  "  :  and  how,  then,  can  they  affirm 
it  as  they  do,  with  such  an  assurance  as  nothing  ought  to  be 
affirmed  by  honest  men,  unless  they  were  able  to  prove  it? 

To  speak,  then,  to  the  fact.  Were  the  reproach  upon  me 
only  in  this  particular,  I  should  not  mention  it.  I  should 
not  think  it  a  reproach  to  be  directed  by  a  man  to  whom  the 
Queen  had  at  that  time  entrusted  the  Administration  of  the 
Government.  But  as  it  is  a  reproach  upon  his  Lordship, 
Justice  requires  that  I  do  right  in  this  case. 

The  thing  is  true,  or  false.  I  would  recommend  it  to 
those  who  would  be  called  honest  men,  to  consider  but  one 
thing,  viz.  What  if  it  should  not  be  true  !  Can  they  justify 
the  injury  done  to  that  Person,  or  to  any  person  concerned  ? 
If  it  cannot  be  proved,  if  no  vestiges  appear  to  ground  it 
upon  ;  how  can  they  charge  men  upon  rumours  and  reports, 

F  3 


82    Defoe  a  perfectly  independent  writer.  [t?ov|^,f°^ 

and  join  to  run  men's  characters  down  by  the  stream  of 
clamour. 

Sed  quo  rapit  impetus  undce. 

In  answer  to  the  charge,  I  bear  witness  to  posterity,  that 
every  part  of  it  is  false  and  forged  !  and  I  do  solemnly  protest, 
in  the  fear  and  presence  of  HIM  that  shall  judge  us  all, 
both  the  slanderers  and  the  slandered,  that  I  have  not  received 
any  instructions,  directions^  orders,  or  let  them  call  it  what 
they  will !  of  that  kind,  for  the  writing  of  any  part  of  what  I 
have  written ;  or  any  materials  for  the  putting  together,  for  the 
forming  any  book  or  pamphlet  whatsoever,  from  the  said  Earl  of 
0[XFOR\D,  late  Lord  Treasurer  ;  or  from  any  person,  by  his  order 
or  direction,  since  the  time  that  the  late  Earl  of  G[ODOLPHl]N 
was  Lord  Treasurer  [August  lo,  1710].  Neither  did  I  ever 
shew,  or  cause  to  be  shewn  to  his  Lordship,  for  his  approbation, 
correction,  alteration,  or  for  any  other  cause,  any  book,  paper,  or 
pamphlet  which  I  have  written  and  published,  before  the  same 
was  printed,  worked  off  at  the  press,  and  published. 

If  any  man  can  detect  me  of  the  least  prevarication  in  this, 
or  in  any  part  of  it,  I  desire  him  to  do  it,  by  all  means !  and 
I  challenge  all  the  world  to  do  it !  And  if  they  cannot,  then 
I  appeal,  as  in  my  title,  to  the  honour  and  justice  of  my  worst 
enemies,  to  know,  upon  what  foundation  of  truth  or  con- 
science, they  can  ailirm  these  things ;  and  for  what  it  is, 
that  I  bear  these  reproaches  ? 

In  all  my  writing,  I  never  capitulated  [stipulated]  for  my 
liberty  to  speak  according  to  my  own  judgement  of  things. 
I  ever  had  that  liberty  allowed  me !  nor  was  I  ever  imposed 
upon  to  write  this  way  or  that,  against  my  judgement,  by 
any  person  whatsoever. 

I  come  now,  historically,  to  the  point  of  time,  when  my 
Lord  GoDOLPHiN  was  dismissed  from  his  employment ;  and 
the  late  unhappy  division  broke  out  at  Court. 

I  waited  on  my  Lord,  the  day  he  was  displaced  [August  10, 
1710] ;  and  humbly  asked  his  Lordship's  direction.  What  course 
I  should  take  ? 

His  Lordship's  answer  was,  that  "  He  had  the  same  good 
will  to  assist  me;  but  not  the  same  power";  that  "  I  was 
the  Queen's  servant ;  and  that  all  he  had  done  for  me,  was 


^ifi4.']  Defoe  not  involved  in  ministerial  quarrels.    8^ 

by  Her  Majesty's  special  and  particular  direction";  and  that 
"  Whoever  should  succeed  him,  it  was  not  material  to  me ; 
he  '  supposed  I  should  be  employed  in  nothing  relating  to 
the  present  differences.'  My  business  was  to  wait  till  I  saw 
things  settled ;  and  then  apply  myself  to  the  Ministers  of 
State,  to  receive  Her  Majesty's  commands  from  them." 

It  occurred  to  me  immediately,  as  a  Principle  for  my  con- 
duct, that  it  was  not  material  to  me  [Defoe  being  practically 
one  of  the  permanent  Civil  Servants  of  the  Crovi^n']  what  Ministers 
Her  Majesty  was  pleased  to  employ.  My  duty  was  to  go 
along  with  every  Alinistry,  so  far  as  they  did  not  break  in  upon 
the  Constitiition,  and  the  Laws  and  Liberties  of  my  country  ;  my 
part  being  only  the  duty  of  a  subject,  viz.,  to  submit  to  all 
lawful  commands,  and  to  enter  into  no  service  which  was  not 
justifiable  by  the  Laws. 

To  all  which  I  have  exactly  obliged  [conformed]  myself. 

By  this,  I  was  providentially  cast  back  upon  my  Original 
Benefactor  [Robert  Harley],  who,  according  to  his  wonted 
goodness,  was  pleased  to  lay  my  case  before  Her  Majesty; 
and  thereby  I  preserved  my  interest  in  Her  Majesty's  favour, 
but  without  any  engagement  of  service  [i.e.,  he  was  not 
employed  on  any  special  secret  mission]. 

As  for  consideration,  pension,  gratification,  or  reward ;  I 
declare  to  all  the  world  !  I  have  had  none  !  except  only  that 
old  appointment  which  Her  Majesty  was  pleased  to  make 
me  in  the  days  of  the  Ministry  of  my  Lord  Godolphin  ;  of 
which  I  have  spoken  already  [/>/>.  79,  100],  and  which  was 
for  services  done  in  a  foreign  country,  some  years  before. 

Neither  have  I  been  employed,  or  directed,  or  ordered  by 
my  Lord  T[reasure]r  [Lord  Oxford]  aforesaid,  to  do,  or  not 
to  do,  anything  in  the  affairs  of  the  unhappy  differences 
[between  Lords  Oxford  and  Bolingbroke]  which  have  so 
long  perplexed  us ;  and  for  which  I  have  suffered  so  many, 
and  such  unjust  reproaches. 

I  come  next  to  enter  into  the  Matters  of  Fact,  and  what 
it  is  I  have  done,  or  not  done  ;  which  may  justify  the  treat- 
ment I  have  met  with. 

And  first,  for  the  Negative  part.     What  I  have  not  done. 

The  first  thing  in  the  unhappy  breaches  which  have  fallen 
out,  is  the  heaping  up  scandal  upon  the  persons  and  conduct 


84    The  Change  in  17 10,  a  national  disaster.  [iJ^v^f^^"^ 

of  Men  of  Honour,  on  one  side  as  well  as  on  the  other : 
those  unworthy  methods,  of  falling  upon  one  another  by 
personal  calumny  and  reproach. 

This  I  have  often,  in  print,  complained  of  as  an  unchristian, 
ungenerous,  and  unjustifiable  practice.  Not  a  word  can  be 
found  in  all  I  have  written,  reflecting  on  the  persons  or  con- 
duct of  any  of  the  former  Ministry  [i.e.,  Lord  Godolphin's]. 
I  served  Her  Majesty  under  their  Administration.  They 
acted  honourably  and  justly  in  every  transaction  in  which  I 
had  the  honour  to  be  concerned  with  them :  and  I  never 
published  or  said  anything  dishonourable  of  any  of  them  in 
my  life ;  nor  can  the  worst  enemy  I  have,  produce  any  such 
thing  against  me. 

I  always  regretted  the  Change  [i.e.,  of  Ministry  in  August, 
1710]  ;  and  looked  upon  it  as  a  great  disaster  to  the  nation 
in  general.  I  am  sure  it  was  so  to  me  in  particular;  and 
the  divisions  and  feuds  among  parties  which  followed  that 
Change,  were  doubtless  a  disaster  to  us  all. 

The  next  thing  which  followed  the  Change  was  the  Peace 
[i.e.,  the  Peace  of  Utrecht  on  April  11,  17 13]. 

No  man  can  say  that  ever  I  once  said  in  my  life,  that  "  I 
approved  of  the  Peace."  I  wrote  a  public  Paper  at  that 
time  [1713],  and  there  it  remains  upon  record  against  me. 
I  printed  it  openly,  and  that  so  plainly,  as  others  durst  not 
do,  that  "  I  did  not  like  the  Peace ;  neither  that  which  was 
made,  nor  that  which  was,  before,  a  making  "  [the  Negotia- 
tions at  Gertruydenhurg  in  1710] ;  that  "  I  thought  the  Pro- 
testant Interest  was  not  taken  care  of,  in  either."  That 
"  the  Peace  I  was  for,  was  such  as  should  neither  have  given 
the  Spanish  Monarchy  to  the  House  of  Bourbon,  nor  [to]  the 
House  of  Austria;  but  that  this  bone  of  contention  should 
have  been  broken  to  pieces  :  that  it  should  not  have  been 
dangerous  to  Europe  on  any  account:"  and  that  "the  Pro- 
testant Powers  (Britain  and  the  States  [Holland])  should 
have  so  strengthened  and  fortified  their  Interest  by  sharing  the 
commerce  and  strength  of  Spain,  as  should  have  made  them 
no  more  afraid  either  of  France,  or  the  Emperor;  so  that  the 
Protestant  Interest  should  have  been  superior  to  all  the 
Powers  of  Europe,  and  been  in  no  more  danger  of  exorbitant 
power,  whether  French  or  Austrian." 

This  was  the  Peace  I  argued  for,  pursuant  to  the  design 


i^v^iti4-]  Defoe's  relation  to  Peace  of  Utrecht.     8^ 

of  King  William  in  the  Treaty  of  Partition  ;  and  pursuant 
to  that  Article  in  the  Grand  Alliance,  which  was  directed  by 
the  same  glorious  hand,  at  the  beginning  of  this  last  war 
[1702-1713  A.D.],  that  all  we  should  conquer  in  the  Spanish 
West  Indies  should  be  our  own. 

This  was,  with  a  true  design  that  England  and  Holland 
should  have  turned  their  naval  power,  which  was  eminently 
superior  to  that  of  France,  to  the  conquest  of  the  Spanish 
West  Indies  :  by  which  the  channel  of  trade  and  return  of 
bullion,  which  now  enrich  the  enemies  of  both,  had  been 
ours ;  and  as  the  Wealth,  so  the  Strength  of  the  World  had 
been  in  Protestant  hands.  Spain,  whoever  had  it,  must 
then  have  been  dependent  upon  us.  The  House  of  Bour- 
bon would  have  found  it  so  poor,  without  us,  as  to  be  scarce 
worth  fighting  for :  and  the  people  so  averse  to  them,  for 
want  of  their  commerce,  as  not  to  make  it  ever  likely  France 
could  keep  it. 

This  was  the  Foundation  I  ever  acted  upon  with  relation 
to  the  Peace. 

It  is  true,  that  when  it  was  made,  and  could  not  be  other- 
wise, I  thought  our  business  was  to  make  the  best  of  it,  and 
rather  to  inquire  what  improvements  were  to  be  made  of  it, 
than  to  be  continually  exclaiming  at  those  who  made  it  : 
and  where  the  objection  lies  against  this  part,  I  cannot  yet  see! 

While  I  spoke  of  things  in  this  manner,  I  bore  infinite 
reproaches  from  clamouring  pens,  of  "  being  in  the  French 
Interest  !  being  hired  and  bribed  to  defend  a  bad  Peace !  " 
and  the  like  :  and  most  of  this  was  upon  a  supposition  of  my 
writing,  or  being  the  author  of  [an]  abundance  of  pamphlets 
which  came  out  every  day ;  and  which  I  had  no  hand  in. 

And,  indeed,  as  I  shall  observe  again,  by-and-by,  this  was 
one  of  the  greatest  pieces  of  injustice  that  could  be  done  me, 
and  which  1  labour  still  under  without  any  redress ;  that, 
whenever  any  piece  comes  out  which  is  not  liked,  I  am 
immediately  charged  with  being  the  author !  and,  very  often, 
the  first  knowledge  I  have  had  of  a  book's  being  published, 
has  been  from  seeing  myself  abused  for  being  the  author 
of  it,  in  some  other  pamphlet  published  in  answer  to  it. 

Finding  myself  treated  in  this  manner,  I  declined  writing 
at  all ;  and,  for  a  great  part  of  a  year  [i.e.  in  1712],  never  set 
pen  to  paper,  except  in  the  public  Paper  called  the  Review. 


86     Books  against  the  Jacobites  in  1712-3.  [^oV!^it°3.' 

After  this,  I  was  long  absent  in  the  north  of  England,  and 
observing  the  insolence  of  the  Jacobite  party,  and  how  they 
insinuated  fine  things  into  the  heads  of  the  common  people, 
of  the  Right  and  Claim  of  the  Pretender,  and  of  the  Great 
Things  he  would  do  for  us,  if  he  was  to  come  in ;  of  his  being 
to  turn  a  Protestant ;  of  his  being  resolved  to  maintain  our 
liberties,  support  our  funds,  give  liberty  to  Dissenters,  and 
the  like :  and  finding  that  the  people  began  to  be  deluded, 
and  that  the  Jacobites  gained  ground  among  them,  by  these 
insinuations,  I  thought  it  the  best  service  I  could  do  the 
Protestant  Interest,  and  the  best  way  to  open  the  people's 
eyes  to  the  advantages  of  the  Protestant  Succession,  if 
I  took  some  course  effectually  to  alarm  the  people  with 
what  they  really  ought  to  expect,  if  the  Pretender  should 
come  to  be  King.  And  this  made  me  set  pen  to  paper 
again  [in  1712]. 

And  this  brings  me  to  the  Affirmative  part,  or  to  What 
really  /  have  done  ?  and  in  this,  I  am  sorry  to  say,  I  have 
one  of  the  foulest,  most  unjust,  and  unchristian  clamours  to 
complain  of,  that  any  man  has  suffered,  I  believe,  since  the 
days  of  the  tyranny  of  James  II. 

In  order  to  detect  the  influence  of  Jacobite  emissaries,  as 
above ;  the  first  thing  I  wrote,  was  a  small  tract,  called,  A 
seasonable  Caution.  [The  full  title  is,  A  seasonable  Warning 
and  Caution  against  the  Insinuations  of  Papists  and  Jacobites  in 
favour  of  the  Pretender.  Being  a  Letter  from  an  Englishman  at 
the  Court  of  Hanover.  24  pp.  Published  in  1712.]  A  book 
sincerely  written  to  open  the  eyes  of  the  poor  ignorant  country 
people,  and  to  warn  them  against  the  subtle  insinuations  of 
the  emissaries  of  the  Pretender.  And  that  it  might  be  effec- 
tual to  that  purpose,  I  prevailed  with  several  of  my  friends,  to 
give  them  away  among  the  poor  people  all  over  England, 
especially  in  the  North  :  and  several  thousands  were  actually 
given  away,  the  price  being  reduced  so  low,  that  the  bare 
expense  of  Paper  and  Press  was  only  preserved ;  that  every 
one  might  be  convinced  that  nothing  of  gain  was  designed,  but 
a  sincere  endeavour  to  do  a  public  good,  and  assist  to  keep  the 
people  entirely  in  the  Interest  of  the  Protestant  Succession. 

Next  to  this,  and  with  the  same  sincere  design,  I  wrote 
two  pamphlets ;  one  entituled,  What  if  the  Pretender  shoidd 


r£'v^iti4.]     Their   immense   influence.       87 

come?  [The  full  title  is  And  what  if  the  Pretender  should 
come?  Or  some  considerations  of  the  Advantages  and  real  Con- 
sequences of  the  Pretender's  possessing  the  Crown  of  Great 
Britain.  44  pp.  Published  March  26,  1713.]  The  other, 
Reasons  against  the  Succession  of  the  House  of  Hanover.  [The 
full  title  is,  Reasons  against  the  Succession  of  the  House  of 
Hanover;  with  an  Inquiry  how  far  the  Abdication  of  King 
James,  supposing  it  to  be  legal,  ought  to  affect  the  Person  of 
the  Pretender.  48  pp.  Published  February  21,  1713.] 
Nothing  can  be  more  plain,  than  that  the  titles  of  these  books 
were  Amusements  [innocent  deceptions],  in  order  to  put  the 
books  into  the  hands  of  those  people  whom  the  Jacobites  had 
deluded,  and  to  bring  the  books  to  be  read  by  them. 

Previous  to  what  I  shall  further  say  of  these  books,  I  must 
observe  that  all  these  books  met  with  so  general  a  reception 
and  approbation  among  those  who  were  most  sincere  for  the 
Protestant  Succession,  that  they  sent  them  all  over  the 
Kingdom,  and  recommended  them  to  the  people's  reading, 
as  excellent  and  useful  pieces;  insomuch  that  about  seven 
editions  of  them  were  printed,  and  they  were  reprinted  in 
other  places  :  and  I  do  protest,  had  His  present  Majesty,  then 
Elector  of  Hanover,  given  me  ;^i,ooo  [;£'2,5oo  ttow],  to  have 
written  for  the  Interest  of  his  Succession,  and  to  expose  and 
render  the  Interest  of  the  Pretender  odious  and  ridiculous,  I 
could  have  done  nothing  more  effectual  to  those  purposes 
than  those  books  were. 

And  that  I  may  make  my  worst  enemies  (to  whom  this  is 
a  fair  Appeal)  judges  of  this,  I  must  take  leave,  by-and-by,  to 
repeat  some  of  the  expressions  in  those  books,  which  were 
direct,  and  need  no  explication  ;  and  which,  I  think,  no  man 
that  was  in  the  Interest  of  the  Pretender,  nay,  which  no 
man  but  one  who  was  entirely  in  the  Interest  of  the  Hanover 
Succession  could  write. 

Nothing  can  be  severer  in  the  fate  of  a  man,  than  to  act  so 
between  two  Parties,  that  Both  Sides  should  be  provoked 
against  him  ! 

It  is  certain,  the  Jacobites  cursed  those  tracts  and  the 
author;  and  when  they  came  to  read  them,  being  deluded 
by  the  titles  according  to  the  design,  they  threw  them  by,  with 
the  greatest  indignation  imaginable  !  Had  the  Pretender 
ever  come  to  the  throne,  I  could  have  expected  nothing  but 


88  Charged  with  writing  for  the  Pretender.  [N^v^itil' 

Death  !  and  all  the  ignominy  and  reproach  that  the  most  in- 
veterate enemy  of  his  person  and  claim  could  be  supposed 
to  suffer  ! 

On  the  other  hand,  I  leave  it  to  any  considering  man  to 
judge  what  a  surprise  it  must  be  to  me,  to  meet  with  all  the 
public  clamour  that  Informers  could  invent,  as  "  being  guilty 
of  writing  against  the  Hanover  Succession,"  and  "  as  having 
written  several  pamphlets  in  favour  of  the  Pretender." 

No  man,  in  this  nation,  ever  had  a  more  riveted  aversion 
to  the  Pretender,  and  to  all  the  family,  he  pretended  to  come 
of,  than  I  !  A  man  that  had  been  in  arms,  under  the  Duke 
of  Monmouth,  against  the  cruelty  and  arbitrary  government 
of  his  pretended  father !  that,  for  twenty  years,  had,  to  my 
utmost,  opposed  him  [King  James],  and  his  party,  after  his 
abdication !  that  had  served  King  William,  to  his  satis- 
faction 1  and  the  Friends  of  the  Revolution,  after  his  death, 
at  all  hazards  and  upon  all  occasions  !  that  had  suffered  and 
been  ruined  under  the  Administration  of  the  Highflyers  and 
Jacobites,  of  whom  some  are,  at  this  day.  counterfeit  Whigs  ! 
It  could  not  be  !  The  nature  of  the  thing  could,  by  no  means, 
allow  it  !  It  must  be  monstrous  !  And  that  the  wonder  may 
cease,  I  shall  take  leave  to  quote  some  of  the  expressions  out 
of  these  books  ;  of  which,  the  worst  enemy  I  have  in  the  world, 
is  left  to  judge  whether  they  are  in  favour  of  the  Pretender  or 
not  ?     But  of  this,  in  its  place. 

For  these  books,  I  was  prosecuted,  taken  into  custody, 
and  obliged  to  give  ;^8oo  bail. 

I  do  not,  in  the  least,  object  here  against,  or  design  to 
reflect  upon  the  proceedings  of  the  Judges  which  were  sub- 
sequent to  this.  I  acknowledged  then,  and  now  acknowledge 
again,  that,  upon  the  Information  given,  there  was  a  sufficient 
ground  for  all  they  did  ;  and  my  unhappy  entering  upon  my 
own  Vindication  in  print,  while  the  case  was  before  their 
Lordships  in  a  judicial  way,  was  an  error  which  I  neither 
understood,  and  which  I  did  not  foresee.  And  therefore, 
although  I  had  great  reason  to  reflect  upon  the  Informers, 
yet  I  was  wrong  in  making  that  Defence  in  the  manner  and 
time  I  then  made  it  ;  and  which,  when  I  found,  I  made  no 
scruple  aftei~wards  to  petition  the  Judges,  and  to  acknowledge 
that  they  had  just  ground  to  resent  it :  upon  which  Petition 
and  Acknowledgement,  their  Lordships  were  pleased,  with 


^/°^;]  Prosecuted  by  some  who  know  his  innocence.    89 

particular  marks  of  goodness,  to  release  me  ;  and  not  take 
the  advantage  of  an  error  of  ignorance,  as  if  it  had  been  con- 
sidered and  premeditated. 

But  against  the  Informers  ;  I  think  I  have  great  reason  to 
complain  :  and  against  the  injustice  of  those  writers,  who, 
in  many  pamphlets,  charged  me  with  writing  for  the  Pre- 
tender ;  and  the  Government,  with  pardoning  an  author  who 
wrote  for  the  Pretender.  And  indeed,  the  justice  of  those 
men  can  be  in  nothing  more  clearly  stated,  than  in  this  case 
of  mine  ;  where  the  charge,  in  their  printed  papers  and  public 
discourse,  was  brought,  not  that  themselves  believed  me  guilty 
of  the  crime,  but  because  it  was  necessary  to  blacken  the 
Man  !  that  a  general  reproach  might  serve  for  an  answer  to 
whatever  he  should  say,  that  was  not  for  their  turn.  So  that 
it  was  the  Person,  not  the  Crime,  they  fell  upon  !  and  they 
may  justly  be  said  to  persecute /or  the  sake  of  persecution  !  as 
will  thus  appear. 

This  matter  making  some  noise,  people  began  to  inquire 
into  it;  and  to  ask  "What  De  Foe  was  prosecuted  for? 
seeing  the  books  were  manifestly  written  against  the  Pretender, 
and  for  the  Interest  of  the  House  of  Hanover !  "  And  my 
friends  expostulated  freely  with  some  of  the  men  who  ap- 
peared in  it ;  who  answered,  with  more  truth  than  honesty, 
that  "  they  knew  this  book  [Reasons  against,  &c.]  had  nothing 
in  it,  and  that  it  was  meant  another  way :  but  that  De  Foe 
had  disobliged  them  in  other  things  ;  and  they  were  resolved 
to  take  the  advantage  they  had,  both  to  punish  and  expose 
him  !  " 

They  were  no  inconsiderable  people  who  said  this ;  and 
had  the  case  come  to  a  trial,  I  had  provided  good  evidence 
to  prove  the  words.  This  is  the  Christianity  and  Justice  by 
which  I  have  been  treated  !  and  this  Injustice  is  the  thing 
that  I  complain  of! 

Now  as  this  was  a  plot  of  a  few  men  to  see  if  they  could 
brand  me  in  the  world  for  a  Jacobite,  and  persuade  rash  and 
ignorant  people  that  I  was  turned  alDOut  for  the  Pretender  : 
I  think  they  might  as  easily  have  proved  me  to  be  a 
Mahometan  !  Therefore,  I  say  this  obliges  me  to  state  that 
matter  as  it  really  stands,  that  impartial  men  may  judge 
whether  those  books  were  written  for  or  against  the  Pretender. 


90    Defoe  appeals  to  Queen  Anne  for  a  pardon.  pfj'°^; 

And  this  cannot  be  better  done  than  by  the  account  of  what 
followed  after  the  first  Information  ;  which,  in  few  words, 
is  thus : 

Upon  the  several  days  appointed,  I  appeared  at  the  Queen's 
Bench  bar,  to  discharge  my  bail ;  and,  at  last,  had  an  In- 
dictment for  high  crimes  and  misdemeanours  exhibited  against 
me  [June,  1713]  by  Her  Majesty's  Attorney-General  [Sir 
Edward  Northey]  ;  which,  as  I  was  informed,  contained 
200  sheets  of  paper.  What  the  substance  of  the  indictment 
was,  I  shall  not  mention  here  !  neither  could  I  enter  upon  it, 
having  never  seen  the  particulars. 

But  I  was  told  that  "  I  should  be  brought  to  trial,  the  very 
next  Term." 

I  was  not  ignorant  that,  in  such  cases,  it  is  easy  to  make 
any  book,  a  libel;  and  that  the  Jury  must  have  found  the 
matter  of  fact  in  the  indictment,  viz.,  that  I  had  written  such 
books  :  and  then  what  might  have  followed,  I  knew  not. 

Wherefore  I  thought  it  was  my  only  way  to  cast  myself  on 
the  clemency  of  Her  Majesty,  whose  goodness  I  had  had  so 
much  experience  of,  many  ways  ;  representing  in  my  Petition, 
that  "7  was  far  from  the  least  intention  to  favour  the  Interest  of 
the  Pretender ;  but  that  the  books  were  all  written  with  a  sincere 
design  to  promote  the  Interest  of  the  House  of  Hanover ;  and 
humbly  laid  before  Her  Majesty  {as  I  do  now  before  the  rest  of  the 
world)  the  books  themselves,  to  plead  in  my  behalf :  "  representing 
further  that  "7  was  maliciously  injormed  against,  by  those  who 
were  ivilling  to  put  a  construction  upon  the  expressions  different 
from  my  true  meaning ;  and  therefore  flying  to  Her  Majesty's 
goodness  and  clemency,  I  entreated  her  gracious  Pardon !  " 

It  was  not  only  the  native  disposition  of  Her  Majesty  to 
acts  of  clemency  and  goodness  that  obtained  me  this  Pardon  ; 
but,  as  I  was  informed.  Her  Majesty  was  pleased  to  express 
in  the  Council :  "  She  saw  nothing  but  private  pique  in  the 
first  prosecution."  And  therefore  I  think  I  cannot  give  a 
better  and  clearer  vindication  of  myself  than  what  is  con- 
tained in  the  Preamble  to  the  Pardon  which  Her  Majesty 
was  pleased  to  grant  me  :  and  I  must  be  allowed  to  say  to 
those  who  are  still  willing  to  object,  that  I  think  what  satis- 
fied Her  Majesty  might  be  sufficient  to  satisfy  them.  And 
I  can  answer  them,  that  this  Pardon  was  not  granted  without 
Her   Majesty's  being  specially  and  particularly  acquainted 


D.  Defoe 

Nov. 


J°^;]    The  Queen's  Pardon,  2oth  Nov.  171 3.      91 


with  the   things   alleged    in   the  Petiiion ;  the  books  being 
looked  into,  to  lind  the  expressions  quoted  in  the  Petition. 

The  Preamble  to  the  Patent  for  a  Pardon,  as  far  as  relates 
to  the  matters  of  fact,  runs  thus  : 

\Hereas,  in  the  Term  of  Holy  Trinity  [June,  1713]  last 
past,  Our  Attorney-General  did  exhibit  an  Informa- 
tion in  Our  Court  of  Queen's  Bench  at  Westminster, 
against  DANIEL  De  Foe,  late  of  London,  Gentleman, 

for  writing,  printing,  and  publishing,  and  causing  to  be  written, 

printed  and  published,  three  Libels  : 

The  one  intituled,  Reasons  against  the  Succession  of  the 
House  of  Hanover;  with  an  Inquiry  how  far  the  Abdica- 
tion of  King  James,  supposing  it  to  be  legal,  ought  to 
affect  the  Person  of  the  Pretender. 

One  other  intituled.  And  what  if  the  Pretender  should  come  ? 
Or  some  considerations  of  the  Advantages  and  real  Con- 
sequences of  the  Pretender's  possessing  the  Crown  of 
Great  Britain. 

And  one  other  intituled,  An  Answer  to  a  Question  that  nobody 
thinks  of,  viz.,  What  if  the  Queen  should  die  ?  [44  pp. 
Published  in  April,  1713.] 

And  whereas  the  said  Daniel  De  Foe  hath,  by  his  humble 
Petition,  represented  to  us,  that  he,  with  a  sincere  design  to  pro- 
pagate the  Interest  of  the  Hanover  Succession,  and  to  animate 
the  people  against  the  designs  of  the  Pretender  whom  he  always 
looked  upon  as  an  enemy  to  our  sacred  Person  and  Government, 
did  publish  the  said  pamphlets.  In  all  which  books,  although  the 
titles  seemed  to  look  as  if  written  in  favour  of  the  Pretender,  and 
several  expressions  (as  in  all  ironical  writing  it  must  be)  may  be 
wrested  against  the  true  design  of  the  whole,  and  turned  to  a 
meaning  quite  different  from  the  intention  of  the  author :  yet 
the  Petitioner  humbly  assures  us,  in  the  soleninest  manner,  that  his 
true  and  only  design  in  all  the  said  books,  was,  by  an  ironical 
discourse  of  recommending  the  Pretender,  in  the  strongest  and 
most  forcible  manner,  to  expose  his  designs  and  the  ruinous  conse- 
quences of  his  succeeding  therein  : 

Which,  as  the  Petitioner  humbly  represents,  will  appear  to  Our 
Satisfaction,  by  the  books  themselves,  where  the  following  ex- 
pressions are  very  plain,  viz.,  that  the  Pretender  is  recommended, 


92     The  Queen's  Pardon,  2oth  Nov.   17 13.  [n 


D.  Defoe. 
714. 


A^  a  person  proper  to  amass  the  English  Liberties  into 

his  own  Sovereignty,  to  supply  them  with  the  Privileges 

of  wearing  Wooden  Shoes  ;  easing  them  of  the  trouble  of 

choosing  Parliaments,  and  the  Nobility  and  Gentry  of  the 

hazard  and  expense  of  winter  journeys,  by  governing  them, 

in  that  more   righteous  Method  of  his  Absolute  Will ; 

and  enforcing  the  Laws  by  a  glorious  Standing  Army; 

paying  all  the  nation's  debts  at  once  by  stopping  the  Funds, 

and  shutting  up  the  Exchequer ;  easing  and  quieting  their 

differences  in  religion,  by  bringing  them  to  the  Union  of 

Popery  or  leaving  them  at  liberty  to  have  no  religion 

at  all. 

That  these  were  some  of  the  very  expressions  in  the  said  books 

which  the  Petitioner  sincerely  designed  to  expose  and  oppose,  as 

far  as  in  him  lies,  the  Interest  of  the  Pretender,  and  with  no  other 

intention. 

Nevertheless  the  Petitioner,  to  his  great  surprise,  has  been  mis- 
represented;  and  his  said  books  misconstrued,  as  if  written  in 
favour  of  the  Pretender,  and  the  Petitioner  is  now  under  prosecu- 
tion for  the  same  ;  which  prosecution,  if  further  carried  on,  will 
be  the  utter  ruin  of  the  Petitioner  and  his  family.  Wherefore 
the  Petitioner,  humbly  assuring  us  of  the  innocence  of  his  design 
as  aforesaid,  flies  to  Our  clemency,  and  most  humbly  prays  Our 
most  gracious  and  free  pardon ;  We,  taking  the  premisses,  and  the 
circumstances  aforesaid,  into  Our  royal  consideration,  are  gra- 
ciously pleased  [to  extend  our  royal  mercy  to  the  Petitioner. 

Our  Will  and  Pleasure  therefore  is,  that  you  prepare  a  bill  for 
Our  royal  signature,  to  pass  Our  great  seal,  containing  Our 
gracious  and  free  Pardon  unto  him,  the  said  Daniel  De  Foe, 
of  the  offences  aforementioned,  and  of  all  indictments,  convictions, 
pains,  penalties,  and  forfeitures  incurred  thereby  :  and  you  are  to 
insert  therein,  all  such  apt  and  beneficial  clauses  as  you  shall 
judge  requisite  to  make  this  our  intended  Pardon  more  full,  valid, 
and  effectual ;  and  for  so  doing,  this  shall  be  your  Warrant. 

Given  at  Our  Castle  at  Windsor,  the  20th  day  of  November, 
1713,  in  the  twelfth  year  of  Our  reign. 

By  Her  Majesty's  Command, 

BOLINGBROKE.] 

Let  any  indifferent  man  judge  whether  I  was  not  treated 
with  peculiar  malice  in  this  matter ;  who  was,  notwithstand- 


N^'v.^itit]    '^^^   FIRST  EVER   PARDONED   ON  THIS   SORT.       93 

ing  this,  reproached  in  the  daily  public  prints,  with  having 
written  treasonable  books  in  behalf  of  the  Pretender  :  nay, 
and  in  some  of  those  books  as  before,  the  Queen  herself  was 
reproached  !  with  "  having  granted  her  pardon  to  an  author 
who  wrote  for  the  Pretender." 

I  think  I  might  with  much  more  justice  say,  I  was  the 
first  man  that  ever  was  obliged  to  seek  a  Pardon  for  writing 
for  the  Hanover  Succession ;  and  the  first  man  that  these 
people  ever  sought  to  ruin  for  writing  against  the  Pretender: 
for  if  ever  a  book  was  sincerely  designed  to  further  and  pro- 
pagate the  affection  and  zeal  of  the  nation  against  the 
Pretender;  nay,and  was  made  use  of  (and  that  with  successtoo) 
for  that  purpose,  these  books  were  so.  And  I  ask  no  more 
favour  of  the  World  to  determine  the  opinion  of  honest  men 
for  or  against  me,  than  what  is  drawn  constructively  from 
these  books.  Let  one  word,  either  written  or  spoken  by  me, 
either  published  or  not  published,  be  produced,  that  was  in 
the  least  disrespectful  to  the  Protestant  Succession,  or  to 
any  branch  of  the  Family  of  Hanover,  or  that  can  be  judged 
to  be  favourable  to  the  Interest  or  Person  of  the  Pretender  ; 
and  I  will  be  willing  to  wave  Her  Majesty's  Pardon,  and 
render  myself  to  public  justice,  to  be  punished  for  it,  as  I 
should  well  deserve. 

I  freely  and  openly  challenge  the  worst  of  my  enemies  to 
charge  me  with  any  discourse,  conversation,  or  behaviour  in 
my  whole  life,  which  had  the  least  word  in  it  injurious  to 
the  Protestant  Succession,  unbecoming  or  disrespectful  to 
any  of  the  persons  of  the  Royal  Family  of  Hanover,  or  the 
least  favourable  word  of  the  person,  the  designs,  or  friends 
of  the  Pretender.  If  they  can  do  it,  let  them  stand  forth 
and  speak !  No  doubt  but  they  may  be  heard  !  And  I,  for 
my  part,  will  relinquish  all  pleas.  Pardons,  and  defences,  and 
cast  myself  into  the  hands  of  Justice. 

Nay,  to  go  further :  I  defy  them  to  prove  that  I  ever  kept 
company,  or  had  any  society,  friendship,  or  conversation 
with  any  Jacobite  !  so  averse  have  I  been  to  the  Interest, 
and  to  the  people,  that  I  have  studiously  avoided  their 
company  upon  all  occasions. 

As  nothing  in  the  world  has  been  more  my  aversion  than 
the  society  of  Jacobites,  so  nothing  can  be  a  greater  mis- 
fortune to  me  than   to  be  accused,  and  publicly  reproached 


94    Defoe  ever  studiously  avoided  Jacobites.  ^v^i^yM. 

with  what  is,  of  all  things  in  the  world,  most  abhorred  by 
me :  and  that  which  had  made  it  the  more  afflicting  is,  that 
this  charge  arises  from  those  very  things  which  I  did,  with 
the  sincerest  design,  to  manifest  the  contrary. 

But  such  is  my  present  fate,  that  I  am  to  submit  to  it: 
which  I  do  with  meekness  and  calmness,  as  to  a  judgement 
from  heaven ;  and  am  practising  that  duty,  which  I  have 
studied  long  ago,  of  "forgiving  my  enemies,"  and  "praying 
for  them  that  despitefully  use  me." 

Having  given  this  brief  history  of  the  Pardon  &c.,  I  hope 
the  impartial  part  of  the  world  will  grant  me,  that,  being 
thus  graciously  delivered,  a  second  time,  from  the  cruelty  of 
my  implacable  enemies,  and  the  ruin  of  a  cruel  and  unjust 
prosecution  ;  and  that,  by  the  mere  ckme  icy  and  gc  o  "ness 
of  the  Queen,  my  Obligation  to  Her  Majesty's  goodr.es ;  was 
far  from  being  made  less  than  it  was  before. 


I  have  now  run  through  the  history  of  my  Obligation  to 
Her  Majesty,  and  to  the  Person  of  my  Benefactor  aforesaid. 
I  shall  state  everything  that  followed  this,  with  all  the 
clearness  I  can  ;  and  leave  myself  liable  to  as  little  cavil  as 
I  may.  For  I  see  myself  assaulted  by  a  sort  of  people  who 
will  do  me  no  justice.  I  hear  a  great  noise  made  of  "  punish- 
ing those  that  are  guilty !  "  ;  but,  as  I  said  before,  not  one 
word  of  "  clearing  those  that  are  innocent !  "  And  I  must 
say,  in  this  part,  they  treat  me  not  only  as  if  I  were  no 
Christian,  but  as  if  they  themselves  were  not  Christians. 
They  will  neither  prove  the  charge,  nor  hear  the  defence; 
which  is  the  unjustest  thing  in  the  world. 

I  foresee  what  will  be  alleged  to  the  clause  of  my  Obli- 
gation &c.,  to  Great  Persons  :  and  I  resolve  to  give  my 
adversaries  all  the  advantage  they  can  desire,  by  acknow- 
ledging beforehand  that  "  no  Obligation  to  the  Queen  or  to 
any  Benefactor  can  justify  any  man's  acting  against  the 
Interest  of  his  country  !  against  his  principles  !  his  conscience! 
and  his  former  profession  !" 

I  think  this  will  anticipate  all  that  can  be  said  upon  that 
head  :  and  it  will  then  remain  to  state  the  fact,  as  I  am,  or 
am  not  chargeable  with  it  ;  which  I  shall  do  as  clearly  as 
possible  in  few  words. 


i^V^,f°^;]  Why  did  not  Defoe  attack  Oxford's  acts  ?    95 

It  is  none  of  my  work  to  enter  into  the  conduct  of  the 
Queen,  or  of  the  Ministry,  in  this  case.  The  question  is  not 
What  they  have  done,  but  What  I  have  done  ? 

And  though  I  am  very  far  from  thinking  of  them  [i.e., 
Lord  Oxford's  Ministry]  as  some  other  people  think :  yet, 
for  the  sake  of  the  present  argument,  I  am  to  give  them  all 
up  !  and  suppose  (though  not  granting)  that  all  which  is 
suggested  of  them  by  the  worst  temper,  the  most  censorious 
writer,  the  most  scandalous  pamphlet  or  lampoon,  should  be 
true  ;  and  I  will  go  through  some  of  the  particulars,  as  I 
meet  with  them  in  public. 

I.  That  they  made  a  scandalous  Peace,  unjustly  broke  the 
Alliance,  betrayed  the  Confederates,  and  sold  tis  all  to  the  French. 
GOD  forbid  it  should  be  all  truth,  in  the  manner  that  we 
see  it  in  print :   but  that,  I  say,  is  none  of  my  business  ! 

But  what  hand  had  I  in  all  this  ?  I  never  wrote  one  word 
for  the  Peace  before  it  was  made ;  or  to  justify  it  after  it 
was  made.     Let  them  produce  it,  if  they  can  ! 

Nay,  in  a  Review  upon  that  subject,  while  it  was  making,  I 
printed  it,  in  plainer  words  than  other  men  durst  speak  at  that 
time,  that  "  I  did  not  like  the  Peace  ;  nor  did  I  like  any  Peace 
that  was  a  making  since  that  the  Partition  ;  and  that  the 
Protestant  Interest  was  not  taken  care  of,  either  in  that,  or 
the  Treaty  of  Gertruydenburg  before  it." 

It  is  true,  that  I  did  say,  "  That  since  the  Peace  was  made, 
and  we  could  not  help  it,  that  it  was  our  business  and  our 
duty  to  make  the  best  of  it,  to  make  the  utmost  advantage  of 
it  by  commerce,  navigation,  and  all  kinds  of  improvement 
that  we  could."  And  this  I  say  still  !  and  I  must  think  it  is 
more  our  duty  to  do  so,  than  the  exclamations  against  the 
thing  itself;  which  it  is  not  in  our  power  to  retrieve.  That 
is  all,  the  worst  enemy  I  have  can  charge  me  with. 

After  the  Peace  was  made,  and  the  Dutch  and  the 
Emperor  stood  out ;  I  gave  my  opinion  of  what  I  foresaw 
would  necessarily  be  the  consequence  of  that  difference,  viz., 
that  it  would  inevitably  involve  these  Nations  in  a  war  with 
one  or  other  of  them.  Any  one  who  was  master  of  common 
sense  in  the  public  affairs  might  see,  that  the  standing  out 
of  the  Dutch  could  have  no  other  event. 

For  if  the  Confederates  had  conquered  the  French,  they 


96     England  obliged  to  bring  in  the  Allies.  [iKv^fS^ 

would  certainly  have  fallen  upon  us,  by  way  of  resentment : 
and  there  was  no  doubt  but  the  same  counsels  that  led  us  to 
make  a  Peace,  would  oblige  us  to  maintain  it,  by  preventing 
too  great  impressions  upon  [i.e.,  the  annihilation  of]  the  French. 

On  the  other  hand,  I  alleged  that  should  the  French 
prevail  against  the  Dutch,  unless  he  stopped  at  such  Hmita- 
tions  of  conquest  as  the  Treaty  obliged  him  to  do,  we  must 
have  been  under  the  same  necessity  to  renew  the  war  against 
France.  And  for  this  reason,  seeing  we  had  made  a  Peace, 
we  were  obliged  to  bring  the  rest  of  the  Confederates  into  it ! 
and  to  bring  the  French  to  give  them  all  such  terms  as  they 
ought  to  be  satisfied  with. 

This  way  of  arguing  was  either  so  little  understood,  or  so 
much  maligned  that  I  suffered  innumerable  reproaches  in 
print,  for  having  written  for  a  war  with  the  Dutch :  which 
was  neither  in  the  expression,  nor  ever  in  my  imagination. 
But  I  pass  by  these  injuries  as  small  and  trifling,  com- 
pared to  others  I  suffered  under. 

However,  one  thing  I  must  say  of  the  Peace.  Let  it  be 
good  or  ill  in  itself,  I  cannot  but  think  we  have  all  reason 
to  rejoice  in  behalf  of  His  present  Majesty,  that,  at  his 
accession  to  the  Crown,  he  found  the  nation  in  peace  ;  and 
had  the  hands  of  the  King  of  France  tied  by  a  Peace,  so  as 
not  to  be  able,  without  the  most  infamous  breach  of  Articles, 
to  offer  the  least  disturbance  to  his  taking  a  quiet  and 
leisurely  possession,  or  so  much  as  to  countenance  those  that 
would.  Not  but  that  I  believe,  if  the  war  had  been  at  the 
height,  we  should  have  been  able  to  have  preserved  the 
Crown  for  His  present  Majesty,  its  only  rightful  Lord  :  but 
I  will  not  say,  it  should  have  been  so  easy,  so  bloodless,  so 
undisputed  as  now :  and  all  the  difference  must  be  acknow- 
ledged [attributed]  to  the  Peace.  And  this  is  all  the  good  I 
ever  yet  said  of  the  Peace. 


I  come  next  to  the  general  clamour  of  the  Ministry 
being  for  the  Pretender.  I  must  speak  my  sentiments  solemnly 
and  plainly,  as  I  always  did  in  that  matter,  viz.,  that,  "  If  it 
were  so,  I  did  not  see  it  !  Nor  did  I  ever  see  reason  to 
believe  it ! "     This  I  am  sure  of,  that  if  it  were  so,  I  never 


^,^J°^:] Whigs  drave  Oxford  towards  the  Jacobites.    97 

took  one  step  in  that  kind  of  service,  nor  did  I  ever  hear 
one  word  spoken  by  any  one  of  the  Ministry  that  I  had  the 
honour  to  know  or  converse  with,  that  favoured  the  Pre- 
tender :  but  I  have  had  the  honour  to  hear  them  all  protest 
that  there  was  no  design  to  oppose  the  Succession  of  Hanover 
in  the  least. 

It  maybe  objectedto  me,  that  "they  might  be  in  the  Interest 
of  the  Pretender,  for  all  that !  " 

It  is  true,  they  might  ;  but  that  is  nothing  to  me  !  I  am 
not  vindicating  their  conduct,  but  my  own  !  As  I  never  was 
employed  in  anything  that  way,  so  I  do  still  protest  I  do  not 
believe  it  was  ever  in  their  design  ;  and  I  have  many  reasons 
to  confirm  my  thoughts  in  that  case,  which  are  not  material 
to  the  present  case. 

But  be  that  as  it  will,  it  is  enough  to  me,  that  I  acted 
nothing  in  such  Interest ;  neither  did  I  ever  sin  against  the 
Protestant  Succession  of  Hanover  in  thought,  word,  or  deed: 
and  if  the  Ministry  did,  I  did  not  see  it,  or  so  much  as  suspect 
them  of  it ! 

It  was  a  disaster  to  the  Ministry,  to  be  driven  to  the  neces- 
sity of  taking  that  Set  of  Men  by  the  hand  ;  who,  nobody  can 
deny,  were  in  that  Interest.  But  as  the  former  Ministry 
answered,  when  they  were  charged  with  a  design  to  overthrow 
the  Church,  because  they  favoured,  joined  with,  and  were 
united  to  the  Dissenters  ;  I  say,  they  answered  that  "  they 
made  use  of  the  Dissenters,  but  granted  them  nothing  "  {which, 
by  the  way,  was  too  true  / ) :  so  these  gentlemen  answer,  that 
"  it  is  true,  they  made  use  of  the  Jacobites  ;  but  did  nothing 
for  them !  " 

But  this,  by-the-by.  Necessity  is  pleaded  by  both  Parties 
for  doing  things,  which  neither  side  can  justify.  I  wish  both 
sides  would  for  ever  avoid  the  necessity  of  doing  evil :  for 
certainly  it  is  the  worst  plea  in  the  world  !  and  generally  made 
use  of,  for  the  worst  things. 

I  have  often  lamented  the  disaster  which  I  saw  employing* 
Jacobites  was  to  the  late  Ministry ;  and  certainly  it  gave  the 
greatest  handle  to  the  enemies  of  the  Ministry  to  fix  that 
universal  reproach  upon  them,  of  being  in  the  Interest  of  the 
Pretender  :  but  there  was  no  medium.  The  Whigs  refused 
to  shew  them  a  safe  retreat,  or  to  give  them  the  least  oppor- 
tunity to  take  any  other  measures,  but  at  the  risk  of  their 

G  3 


98     Queen  Anne  favours  House  of  Hanover.  [Jl 


.  Defoe. 
ov.  1714. 


own  destruction:  and  they  ventured  upon  that  course,  in 
hopes  of  being  able  to  stand  alone  at  last,  without  help  of 
either  the  one  or  the  other;  in  which,  no  doubt,  they  were 
mistaken. 

However,  in  this  part,  as  I  was  always  assured,  and  have 
good  reason  still  to  believe,  that  Her  Majesty  was  steady  in 
the  Interest  of  the  House  of  Hanover;  and  that  nothing 
was  ever  offered  me  or  required  of  me  to  the  prejudice  of  that 
Interest :  on  what  ground  can  I  be  reproached  with  the  secret 
reserved  design  of  any;  if  they  have  such  designs  (as  I  still 
verily  believe  they  had  not)  ? 

I  see  there  are  some  men  who  would  fain  persuade  the 
World,  that  every  man  that  was  in  the  Interest  of  the  late 
Ministry,  or  employed  by  the  late  Government,  or  that  served 
the  late  Queen,  was  for  the  Pretender ! 

GOD  forbid  this  should  be  true  !  and  I  think  there  needs 
very  little  to  be  said  in  answer  to  it.  I  can  answer  for  my- 
self, that  it  is  notoriously  false !  and  I  think  the  easy  and 
uninterrupted  accession  of  His  Majesty  to  the  Crown  con- 
tradicts it. 

I  see  no  end  which  such  a  suggestion  aims  at,  but  to  leave 
an  odium  on  all  that  had  any  duty  or  regard  to  Her  late 
Majesty. 

A  subject  is  not  always  master  of  his  Sovereign's  measures, 
nor  always  to  examine  what  Persons  or  Parties  the  Prince  he 
serves,  employs  ;  so  be  it  that  they  break  not  in  upon  the 
Constitution,  that  they  govern  according  to  Law,  and  that  he 
is  employed  in  no  illegal  act,  or  has  nothing  desired  of  him 
inconsistent  with  the  Laws  and  Liberties  of  his  country.  If 
this  be  not  right,  then  a  servant  of  the  King  is  in  a  worse  case 
than  a  servant  to  any  private  person. 

In  all  these  things,  I  have  not  erred  :  neither  have  I  acted 
or  done  anything  in  the  whole  course  of  my  life,  either  in  the 
service  of  Her  Majesty,  or  of  her  Ministry,  that  any  one  can 
say  has  the  least  deviation  from  the  strictest  regard  to  the 
Protestant  Succession,  and  to  the  Laws  and  Liberties  of  my 
country. 

I  never  saw  an  arbitrary  action  offered  at,  a  law  dispensed 
with,  Justice  denyed,  or  Oppression  set  up,  either  by  Queen 
or  Ministry,  in  any  branch  of  the  Administration  wherein 
I  had  the  least  concern. 


N^'v^ifit']  ^Y  Obligation  is  my  plea  for  my  Silence.    99 

If  I  have  sinned  against  the  Whigs,  it  has  all  been  negatively, 
viz.,  that  I  have  not  joined  in  the  loud  exclamations  against 
the  Queen,  and  against  the  Ministry,  and  against  their 
measures. 

And  if  this  be  my  crime,  my  plea  is  twofold. 

1.  I  did  not  really  see  cause  for  their  carrying  their  com- 
plaints to  that  violent  degree. 

2.  What  I  did  see,  what  (as  before)  I  lamented  and  was 
sorry  for,  and  could  not  join  with  or  approve;  diS  joining 
with  Jacobites,  the  Peace,  &c.  :  my  Obligation  is  my 
plea  for  my  silence. 

I  have  all  the  good  thoughts  of  the  person,  and  good  wishes 
for  the  prosperity  of  my  Benefactor  [Harley,  Lord  Oxford], 
that  charity,  that  gratitude  can  inspire  me  with.  I  ever 
believed  him  to  have  the  true  Interest  of  the  Protestant 
Religion,  and  of  his  country  in  his  view  :  if  it  should  be 
otherwise,  I  should  be  very  sorry  ! 

And  I  must  repeat  it  again  that  he  always  left  me  so 
entirely  to  my  own  judgement  in  everytliing  I  did,  that 
he  never  prescribed  to  me  what  I  should  write  or  should  not 
write,  in  my  life  :  neither  did  he  ever  concern  himself  to 
dictate  to,  or  restrain  me  in  any  kind;  nor  did  he  see  any  one 
tract  that  I  ever  wrote  before  it  was  printed.  So  that  all  the 
notion  of  my  writing  by  his  direction  is  as  much  a  slander 
upon  him,  as  it  is  possible  anything  of  that  kind  can  be.  And 
if  I  have  written  anything  which  is  offensive,  unjust,  or  un- 
true, I  must  do  that  justice  to  declare,  he  has  had  no  hand  in 
it :  the  crime  is  my  own. 

As  the  reproach  of  his  directing  me  to  wTite,  is  a  slander 
upon  the  Person  I  am  speaking  of;  so  that  of  my  receiving 
pensions  and  payments  from  him,  for  writing,  is  a  slander 
upon  me :  and  I  speak  it  with  the  greatest  sincerity,  serious- 
ness, and  solemnity  that  it  is  possible  for  a  Christian  man 
to  speak,  that,  except  the  appointment  I  mentioned  before, 
which  Her  Majesty  was  pleased  to  make  me  formerly,  and 
which  I  received  during  the  time  of  my  Lord  Godolphin's 
Ministry,  /  have  not  received  of  the  late  Lord  Treasurer,  or  of 
any  one  else  by  his  order,  knowledge,  or  direction,  one  farthing,  or 
the  value  of  a  farthing,  during  his  whole  Administration',  nor 


lOo  His  SERVICES  "should  never  be  forgotten!"  PfJ'"*; 

has  all  the  Interest  I  have  been  supposed  to  have  in  his 
Lordship  been  able  to  procure  me  the  arrears  due  to  me  [for 
the  dangerous  service  abroad,  see  p.  83 1  in  the  time  of  the  other 
Ministry,  So  help  me  God ! 

I  am  under  no  necessity  of  making  this  declaration.  The 
services  I  did,  and  for  which  Her  Majesty  was  pleased  to 
make  me  a  small  allowance,  are  known  to  the  greatest  men 
in  the  present  Administration  ;  and  some  of  them  were  then 
of  the  opinion,  and  I  hope  are  so  still,  that  I  was  not  un- 
worthy of  Her  Majesty's  favour.  The  effect  of  those  services, 
however  small,  are  enjoyed  by  those  Great  Persons  and  by 
the  whole  nation,  to  this  day :  and  I  had  the  honour  once, 
to  be  told  that   "  They  should  never   be  forgotten !  "   [See 

PP-  79,  83-1 

It  is  a  misfortune  that  no  man  can  avoid,  to  forfeit  for  his 
deference  to  the  person  and  services  of  his  Queen,  to  whom 
he  was  inexpressibly  obliged.  And  if  I  am  fallen  under  the 
displeasure  of  the  present  Government,  for  anything  I  ever 
did  in  obedience  to  Her  Majesty  in  the  past  ;  I  may  say  it 
is  my  disaster,  but  I  can  never  say  it  is  my  fault. 

This  brings  me  again  to  that  other  Oppression  which,  as 
I  said  [p.  85],  I  suffer  under;  and  which  I  think  is  of  a  kind 
that  no  man  ever  suffered  under  so  much  as  myself:  and 
this  is,  to  have  every  libel,  every  pamphlet,  be  it  ever  so 
foolish,  so  malicious,  so  unmannerly,  or  so  dangerous,  laid 
at  my  door,  and  be  called  publicly  by  my  name. 

It  has  been  in  vain  for  me  to  struggle  with  this  injury. 
It  has  been  in  vain  for  me  to  protest,  to  declare  solemnly. 
Nay,  if  I  would  have  sworn,  that  I  had  no  hand  in  such 
a  book  or  paper !  never  saw  it !  never  read  it  !  and  the  like  ; 
it  was  the  same  thing. 

My  name  has  been  hackneyed  about  the  street  by  the 
hawkers,  and  about  the  coffee-houses  by  the  politicians ;  at 
such  a  rate,  as  no  patience  would  bear ! 

One  man  will  swear  to  the  style  !  another  to  this  or  that 
expression  !  another  to  the  way  of  printing  !  and  all  so  positive, 
that  it  is  to  no  purpose  to  oppose  it. 

I  published  once,  to  stop  this  way  of  using  me,  that  I  would 
print  nothing  but  what  I  set  my  name  to  :  and  I  held  to  it, 
for  a  year  or  two :  but  it  was  all  one,  I  had  the  same  treatment ! 


iJ^V^,'y^°^:]  Defoe's  name  put  to  any  pamphlet,  ioi 

I  now  have  resolved,  for  some  time,  to  write  nothing  at  all : 
and  yet  I  find  it  the  same  thing ! 

Two  books  lately  published  [the  first  two  of  the  three  Parts 
of  the  Secret  History  of  the  White  Staff,  published  in  October 
1714]  being  called  mine ;  for  no  other  reason  that  I  know  of, 
than  that,  at  the  request  of  the  printer,  I  revised  two  sheets 
[$2 pp.]  of  them  at  the  press;  and  that  they  seemed  to  be 
written  in  favour  of  a  certain  Person  [Harley,  Lord 
Oxford]  :  which  Person  also,  as  I  have  been  assured,  had 
no  hand  in  them,  or  any  knowledge  of  them  till  they  were 
published  in  print. 

This  is  a  Flail  which  I  have  no  fence  against !  but  to 
complain  of  the  injustice  of  it :  and  that  is  but  the  shortest 
way  to  be  treated  with  more  injustice. 

There  is  a  mighty  charge  against  me  for  being  Author  and 
Publisher  of  a  Paper  called  the  Mercator  [or  Commerce  revived 
from  26th  May,  1713,  to  20th  July,  1714].  I  will  state  the 
fact  first,  and  then  speak  to  the  subject. 

It  is  true  that,  being  desired  to  give  my  opinion  in  the 
affair  of  the  commerce  of  France,  I  did  (as  I  often  had  done 
in  print,  many  years  before)  declare  that  "It  was  my  opinion 
we  ought  to  have  Open  [Free]  Trade  with  France;  because  I 
did  believe  we  might  have  the  advantage  by  such  a  trade  "  : 
and  of  this  opinion,  I  am  still. 

What  Part  I  had  in  the  Mercator  is  well  known :  and, 
would  men  answer  with  argument  and  not  with  personal 
abuses,  I  would  at  any  time,  defend  every  part  of  the  Mer- 
cator which  was  of  my  doing.  But  to  say  the  Mercator  was 
mine,  is  false !  I  neither  was  the  Author  [Editor]  of  it,  had 
the  property  [proprietorship]  of  it,  the  printing  of  it,  or  the 
profit  by  it.  I  have  never  had  any  payment  or  reward  for 
writing  any  part  of  it ;  nor  had  I  the  power  to  put  what 
I  would  into  it. 

Yet  the  whole  clamour  fell  upon  me,  because  they  knew 
not  who  else  to  load  with  it.  And  when  they  came  to  an- 
swer ;  the  method  was,  instead  of  argument,  to  threaten, 
and  reflect  upon  me  !  reproach  me  with  private  circumstances 
and  misfortunes !  and  give  language  which  no  Christian 
ought  to  give  !  and  which  no  Gentleman  ought  to  take  ! 

I  thought  any  Englishman  had  the  liberty  to  sper.k  his 


I02    Defoe's  share  in  the  Mercator.   [noV' 


r  D.  Defoe. 
714- 


opinion  in  such  things :  for  this  had  nothing  to  do  with  the 
PubHc  [State  Affairs].  The  press  was  open  to  me,  as  well 
as  to  others ;  and  how  or  when  I  lost  my  English  liberty  of 
speaking  my  mind,  I  know  not !  neither  how  my  speaking 
my  opinion  without  fee  or  reward,  could  authorize  them  to 
call  me  "  villain  !  "  "  rascal !  "  "traitor  !  "  and  such  oppro- 
brious names. 

It  was  ever  my  opinion,  as  it  is  so  still,  that  were  our  wool 
kept  from  France,  and  our  manufactures  spread  in  France 
upon  reasonable  duties ;  all  the  improvement  which  the 
French  have  made  in  woollen  manufactures  would  decay, 
and  in  the  end  be  little  worth  :  and  consequently  the  hurt 
they  could  do  us  by  them,  would  be  of  little  moment. 

It  was  my  opinion,  and  is  so  still,  that  the  gth  Article  of 
the  Treaty  of  Commerce  was  calculated  for  the  advantage  of 
our  trade  (let  who  will,  make  it,  that  is  nothing  to  me  !)  My 
reasons  are,  because  it  tied  up  the  French  to  open  the  door 
to  our  manufactures,  at  a  certain  duty  of  importation,  there  ; 
and  left  the  Parliament  of  Britain  at  liberty,  to  shut  theirs 
out,  by  as  high  duties  as  they  pleased,  here  :  there  being  no 
limitation  upon  us,  as  to  duties  on  French  goods,  but  that 
other  nations  should  pay  the  same. 

While  the  French  were  thus  bound,  and  the  British  free  ; 
I  always  thought  we  must  be  in  a  condition  to  trade  to 
advantage,  or  it  must  be  our  own  fault. 

That  was  my  opinion,  and  is  so  still.  And  I  would  ven- 
ture to  maintain  it  against  any  man  upon  a  public  stage, 
before  a  jury  of  fifty  merchants  ;  and  venture  my  life  upon 
the  cause,  if  I  were  assured  of  fair  play  in  the  dispute. 

But  that  it  was  my  opinion  that  we  might  carry  on  a  trade 
with  France  to  our  great  advantage,  and  that  we  ought,  for 
that  reason,  to  trade  with  them,  appears  in  the  3rd,  4th,  5th, 
and  6th  Volumes  of  the  Review  [issued  between  Jan.  i,  1706, 
and  May  23,  1710;  the  earlier  ones]  ^  above  nine  [or  rather  seven] 
years  before  the  Mercator  [which  commenced  on  May  26,  1713] 
was  thought  of.  It  was  not  thought  criminal  to  say  so  then  ! 
Howit  comesto  be  "villainous"  to  say  so  now,  GOD  knows! 
I  can  give  no  account  of  it.  I  am  still  of  the  same  opinion, 
and  shall  never  be  brought  to  say  othei"wise,  unless  I  see  the 
state  of  trade  so  altered  as  to  alter  my  opinion  ;  and  if  ever  I 
do,  I  will  be  able  to  give  good  reasons  for  it. 


N^V.^iti!-]       ^^°    TREATMENT    FOR    HIS    TRADE    VIEWS.       IO3 

The  answer  to  these  things,  whether  mine  or  not,  was  all 
pointed  at  me  :  and  the  arguments  were  generally  in  the 
terms  of  "  Villain  !  "  "  Rascal  !  "  "  Miscreant !  "  "  Liar  !  " 
"Bankrupt!"  "Fellow!"  "Hireling!"  "Turncoat!"  &c. 
What  the  arguments  were  bettered  by  these  methods,  that  I 
leave  to  others  to  judge  of! 

Also  most  of  those  things  in  the  Mercator,  for  which  I  had 
such  usage,  were  such  as  I  was  not  the  author  of ! 


I  do  grant,  had  all  the  books  which  have  been  called  by 
my  name,  been  written  by  me,  I  must,  of  necessity,  have 
exasperated  every  side ;  and,  perhaps,  have  deserved  it.  But 
I  have  the  greatest  injustice  imaginable  in  this  treatment,  as 
I  have  [also]  in  the  perverting  [of]  the  design,  of  what  really 
I  have  written. 


To  sum  up  therefore  my  Complaint  in  few  words  : 
I  was  from  my  first  entering  into  the  knowledge  of  Public 
Matters,  and  have  ever  been  to  this  day,  a  sincere  lover  of 
the  Constitution  of  my  country,  zealous  for  Liberty  and  the 
Protestant  Interest ;  but  a  constant  follower  of  Moderate 
Principles,  a  vigorous  opposer  of  Hot  Measures  of  all  Parties. 
I  never  once  changed  my  opinion,  my  principles,  or  my 
Party :  and  let  what  will  be  said  of  changing  sides,  this  I 
maintain,  that  I  never  once  deviated  from  the  Revolution 
Principles,  nor  from  the  doctrine  of  Liberty  and  Property  on 
which  they  were  founded. 

I  own  I  could  never  be  convinced  of  the  great  danger  of 
the  Pretender,  in  the  time  of  the  late  Ministry;  nor  can  I  be 
now  convinced  of  the  great  danger  of  the  Church  under  this 
Ministry.  I  believe  the  cries  of  the  one  were  politically 
made  use  of,  then,  to  serve  other  designs;  and  I  plainly  see 
the  like  use,  made  of  the  other  now.  I  spoke  my  mind 
freely  then,  and  I  have  done  the  like  now,  in  a  small  tract 
to  that  purpose,  not  yet  made  public,  and  which  if  I  live  to 
publish,  I  will  publicly  own  ;  as  I  purpose  to  do  everything 
I  write,  that  my  friends  may  know  when  I  am  abused,  and 
they  imposed  on. 


I04  Anopposerof  Hot  Measures  of  ^zz  Parties.  p'J°*: 

It  has  been  the  disaster  of  all  Parties  in  this  nation  to  be 
Very  Hot  in  their  turn ;  and  as  often  as  they  have  been  so, 
I  have  differed  with  them  all !  and  ever  must  and  shall  do  so  ! 
I  will  repeat  some  of  the  occasions  on  the  Whigs'  side  ; 
because  from  that  quarter,  the  accusation  of  my  Turning 
About  comes. 

The   first  time   I  had  the  misfortune  to  differ  with  my 
friends,  was  about  the  year  1683,  when  the  Turks  were 
besieging  Vienna  ;  and  the  Whigs  in  England,  generally 
speaking,  were  for  the  Turks  taking  it :  which  I  (having 
read  the  history  of  the  cruelty  and  perfidious  dealings  of 
the  Turks  in  their  wars,  and  how  they  had  rooted  out 
the  name  of  the  Christian  religion  in  above  threescore 
and  ten  kingdoms)  could   by  no  means  agree  with  ;  and 
though  then  but  a  young  man,  and  a  younger  author,  I 
opposed  it  and  wrote  against  it,  which  was  taken  very 
unkindly  indeed. 
The  next  time  I  differed  with  my  friends,  was  when  King 
James  was  wheedling  the  Dissenters,   to  take  off  the 
Penal  Laws  and  the  Test :  which  I  could  by  no  means 
come  into. 
And  as,  in  the  first,  I  used  to  say,  I  had  rather  the  Popish 
House  of  Austria  should  ruin  the   Protestants  in  Hungary, 
than  the  infidel  House  of  Ottoman  should  ruin  both  Protes- 
tant and  Papist,  by  overrunning  Germany  ;  so,  in  the  other, 
I  told  the   Dissenters  I  had  rather  the  Church  of  England 
should  pull  our  clothes  off,  by  fines  and  forfeitures  ;  than  the 
Papists  should  fall  both  upon  the  Church  and  the  Dissenters, 
and  pull  our  skins  off  by  fire  and  faggot ! 

The  next  difference  I  had  with  good  men  was  about  the 
scandalous  practice  of  Occasional  Conformity  :  in  which 
I  had  the  misfortune  to  make  many  honest  men  angry ; 
rather  because  I  had  the  better  of  the  argument,  than 
because  they  disliked  what  I  said. 
And  now  I  have  lived  to  see  the   Dissenters  themselves 
very  quiet,  if  not  very  well  pleased  with  an  Act  of  Parlia- 
ment to  prevent  it.     Their  friends  indeed  laid  it  on.     They 
would   be  friends  indeed,  if  they  would   talk   of  taking   it 
off  again. 

Again,   I  had  a  breach  with  honest  men  for  their  mal- 
treating: Kiner  William. 


£^^,'j°^;]  When  and  how  Defoe  left  the  Whigs.  105 

Of  which,  I  say  nothing :  because  I  think  they  are  now 
opening  their  eyes,  and  making  what  amends  they  can  to  his 
memory. 

The  fifth  difference  I  had  with  them,  was  about  the  Treaty 

of  Partition,  in  which  many  honest  men  were  mistaken  ; 

and  in  which,   I   told   them   plainly  then,  that   "they 

would,  at  last,  end  the  war  upon  worse  terms." 

And  so  it  is  my  opinion  they  would  have  done,  though  the 

Treaty  of  Gertruydenburg  had  taken  place. 

The   sixth  time  I  differed  with  them  was  when  the  Old 

Whigs  fell  on  the  Modern  Whigs  ;  and  when  the  Duke 

of  Marlborough  and  my  Lord  Godolphin  were  used 

by  the  Observaior  in  a  manner  worse,  I  confess,  for  the 

time  it  lasted,  than  ever   they  were  used  since :    nay, 

though  it  were  by  Abel  and  the  Examiner  1     But  the 

success  failed.     In   this  dispute,  my  Lord  Godolphin 

did  me  the  honour  to  tell  me,  "  I  had  served  him,  and 

His  Grace  also,  both  faithfully  and  successfully." 

But  his  Lordship  is  dead    [in   1712],  and  I  have  now  no 

testimony  of  it  but  what  is  to  be  found  in  the  Observatory 

where  I   am  plentifully  abused  for  being  an  enemy  to  my 

country,  by  acting  in  the  Interest  of  my  Lord  Godolphin 

and  the  Duke  of  Marlborough.     What  weathercock  can 

turn  with  such  tempers  as  these  ! 

I  am  now  in  the  seventh  breach  with  them,  and  my  crime 
now  is,  that  I  will  not  believe  and  say  the  same  things 
of  the  Queen  and  the  late  Treasurer  [Lord  Oxford], 
which  I  could  not  believe  before,  of  my  Lord  Godolphin 
and  the  Duke  of  Marlborough  ;  and  which,  in  truth, 
I  cannot  believe,  and  therefore  could  not  say  it  of  either 
of  them  :  and  which,  if  I  had  believed,  yet  I  ought  not 
to  have  been  the  man  that  should  have  said  it ;  for  the 
reasons  aforesaid  [pp.  76,  78]. 


In  such  turns  of  Tempers  and  Times,  a  man  must  be 
tenfold  a  Vicar  of  Bray,  or  it  is  impossible  but  he  must,  one 
time  or  out,  be  out  with  everybody. 

This  is  my  present  condition  ;  and  for  this,  I  am  reviled 
with  having  abandoned  my  principles,  turned  Jacobite,  and 
and  what  not.     GOD  judge  between  me  and  these  men! 


io6  Violent  charges  made  without  any  proofs.  [n^ov^,^7°^: 

Would  they  come  to  any  particulars  with  me,  what  real 
guilt  I  may  have,  I  would  freely  acknowledge !  and  if  they 
would  produce  any  evidence  of  the  bribes,  the  pensions,  and 
the  rewards  I  have  taken  ;  I  would  declare  honestly,  whether 
they  were  true  or  not. 

If  they  would  give  me  a  list  of  the  books,  which  they 
charge  me  with ;  and  the  reasons  why  they  lay  them  at  my 
door;  I  would  acknowledge  any  mistake,  own  what  I  have 
done,  and  let  them  know  what  I  have  not  done ! 

But  these  men  neither  shew  mercy,  nor  leave  place  for 
repentance  !  in  which  they  act  not  only  unlike  their  Maker, 
but  contrary  to  His  express  commands. 

It  is  true,  good  men  have  been  used  thus  in  former  times : 
and  all  the  comfort  I  have  is,  that  these  men  have  not 
the  Last  Judgement  in  their  hands  !  if  they  had,  dreadful 
would  be  the  case  of  those  who  oppose  them.  But  that 
Day  will  shew  many  men,  and  things  also,  in  a  different 
state  from  what  they  may  now  appear  in :  some  that  now 
appear  clear  and  fair,  will  then  be  seen  to  be  black  and  foul ; 
and  some  that  are  now  thought  black  and  foul,  will  then  be 
approved  and  accepted.  And  thither,  I  cheerfully  appeal ; 
concluding  this  Part  in  the  words  of  the  prophet :  "  I  heard 
the  defaming  of  many !  Fear  on  every  side.  Report,"  say 
they,  "and  we  will  report  it!"  All  my  familiars  watched 
for  my  halting,  saying,  "  Peradventure,  he  will  be  enticed, 
and  we  shall  prevail  against  him  ;  and  we  shall  take  our 
revenge  on  him"  (Jeremiah  xx.  lo). 

Mr.  [Matthew]  Poole's  Annotations  [1683-5],  has  the 
following  remarks  on  these  lines ;  which  I  think  are  so  much 
to  that  Part  of  my  case  which  is  to  follow,  that  I  could  not 
omit  them.     His  words  are  these  : 

"  The  prophet,"  says  he,  "  here  rendercth  a  reason  why  he 
thought  of  giving  over  his  Work  as  a  prophet :  his  ears  were 
continually  filled  with  the  obloquies  and  reproaches  of  such  as 
reproached  him ;  and  besides,  he  was  afraid  on  all  hands,  there 
were  so  many  traps  laid  for  him,  so  many  devices  devised  against 
him.  They  did  not  only  take  advantages  against  hint ;  but  sought 
advantages,  and  invited  others  to  raise  stories  of  him.  Not  only 
strangers  :  but  those  that  he  might  have  expected  the  greatest  kind- 
ness from ;  those  that  pretended  most  courteously:  they  watch," 
says  he,  *'for  opportunities  to  do  me  mischief,  and  lay  in  wait  for 


N^v.^1714:] -Defoe's  study  of  Poole's  Annotations.  107 

my  halting ;  desiring  nothing  more  than  that  I  might  he  enticed 
to  speak,  or  do  something  [in]  which  they  might  find  matter  of  a 
colourable  accusation,  that  so  they  might  satisfy  their  malice  upon 
me.  This  hath  always  been  the  genitis  of  wicked  men.  Job  and 
David  both  made  complaints  much  like  this." 

These  are  Mr.  Poole's  words. 

And  this  leads  me  to  several  particulars,  in  which  my 
case  may,  without  any  arrogance,  be  likened  to  that  of  the 
sacred  prophet ;  excepting  only  the  vast  disparity  of  the 
persons. 

No  sooner  was  the  Queen  dead,  and  the  King  (as  right 
required)  proclaimed ;  but  the  rage  of  men  increased  upon 
me  to  that  degree,  that  the  threats  and  insults  I  received, 
were  such  as  I  am  not  able  to  express  !  If  I  offered  to  say  a 
word  in  favour  of  the  present  Settlement  it  was  called 
"fawning!  and  turning  round  again!"  On  the  other  hand, 
though  I  have  meddled,  neither  one  way  or  other,  nor 
written  one  book  since  the  Queen's  death  ;  yet  a  great  many 
things  are  called  by  my  name,  and  I  bear,  every  day,  all  the 
reproaches  whch  all  the  Answerers  of  those  books  cast,  as 
well  upon  the  subject  as  the  authors. 

I  have  not  seen  or  spoken  to  my  Lord  of  Oxford,  since 
the  King's  landing  [September  18,  1714]  ;  nor  received  the 
least  message,  order,  or  writing  from  his  Lordship,  or  in  any 
other  way,  corresponded  with  him  :  yet  he  bears  the  reproach 
of  my  writing  in  his  defence;  and  I,  the  rage  of  men  for 
doing  it !  I  cannot  say  it  is  no  affliction  to  me,  to  be  thus 
used ;  though  my  being  entirely  clear  of  the  facts  is  a  true 
support  to  me. 

I  am  unconcerned  at  the  rage  and  clamour  of  Party  men  : 
but  I  cannot  be  unconcerned  to  hear  men,  whom  I  think 
are  good  men  and  true  Christians,  prepossessed  and  mis- 
taken about  me.  However,  I  cannot  doubt  but,  sometime 
or  other,  it  will  please  GOD  to  open  such  men's  eyes.  A 
constant,  steady  adhering  to  personal  Virtue  and  to  public 
Peace,  which  (I  thank  GOD  !  I  can  appeal  to  Him  !)  has 
always  been  my  practice,  will,  at  last,  restore  me  to  the 
opinion  of  sober  and  impartial  men  ;  and  that  is  all  I  desire. 

What  it  will  do  with  those  who  are  resolutely  partial  and 
unjust  I  cannot  say  ;  neither  is  that  much  my  concern.  But 
I  cannot  forbear  giving  one  example  of  the  hard  treatment  I 


io8   Appeal  interrupted  by  apoplexy.  [n^'v^Ji": 

receive ;  which  has  happened,  even  while  I  am  writing  this 
tract. 

I  have  six  children.  I  have  educated  them  as  well  as  my 
circumstances  will  permit ;  and  so,  as  I  hope,  shall  recom- 
mend them  to  better  usage  than  their  father  meets  with  in  the 
World.  I  am  not  indebted  one  shilling  in  the  world,  for  any 
part  of  their  education,  or  for  anything  else  belonging  to 
bringing  them  up.  Yet  the  Author  of  the  Flying  Post  pub- 
lished lately  that  "  I  never  paid  for  the  education  of  any 
of  my  children." 

If  any  man  in  Britain  has  a  shilling  to  demand  of  me,  for 
any  part  of  their  education,  or  anything  belonging  to  them  : 
let  him  come  for  it ! 

But  these  men  care  not  what  injurious  things  they  write, 
nor  what  they  say,  whether  truth  or  not ;  if  it  may  but 
raise  a  reproach  on  me,  though  it  were  to  be  my  ruin. 

I  may  well  appeal  to  the  Honour  and  jt^stice  of  my  worst 
enemies  in  such  cases  as  this. 

Conscia  meus  recti  famas  medidacia  ridct. 


CONCLUSION 
BY     THE     PUBLISHER. 

HiLE  this  was  at  the  Press,  and  the  copy  [manuscript] 
thus  far  finished  ;  the  attthor  was  seized  with  a  violent 
fit  of  apoplexy ;  whereby  he  was  disabled  finishing 
what  he  designed  in  his  further  defence.  And  con- 
tinuing now,  for  above  six  weeks,  in  a  weak  and  lan- 
guishing condition  ;  neither  able  to  go  on,  nor  likely  to  recover  (at 
least  in  any  short  time)  :  his  friends  thought  it  not  fit  to  delay 
the  publication  of  this  any  longer.  If  he  recovers,  he  may  be 
able  to  finish  what  he  began.  If  not,  it  is  the  opinion  of  most 
that  know  him,  that  the  treatment  which  he  here  complains  of,  and 
some  others  that  he  would  have  spoken  of,  have  been  the  apparent 
cause  of  his  disaster. 

FINIS, 


THE 


True  Born  Englishman, 


SATYR 


"  Staluimus  pacem,  et  securitatem,  et  concordiam  judi- 
cuun  et  justitiam  inter  Anglos  et  Norinaniios,  Francos, 
et  Brit  ones  W allies  et  Cormtbice,  Pictos  et  Scotos  Al- 
banice  ;  similiter  inter  Francos  et  Instclanos,  provincias 
et  patrias,  quce  pertinent  ad  coronani  nostrum  ;  et  inter 
omnes  nobis  subjectos  jirmiter  et  inviolabiliter  observarH' 
— CJiarta  Regis  Wiliielmi  Conquisitoris  de  Pads 
Publica,  cap    i. 


Printed    In    the    Year    M  D  C  C  I. 


no 


[^Thg  Title  pa^e  of  tJiis  piece  is  apparently  that  of  the  first  edition  ;  bid 
the  text  given  is  the  revised  one  of  1703.  In  the  Preface  to  which,  Defoe 
thus  writes. 

No  Author  is  now  capable  of  preserving  the  purity  of  his  style,  no, 
nor  the  native  product  of  his  thought  to  Posterity  :  since,  after  the  first 
edition  of  his  Work  has  shewn  itself,  and  perhaps  sinks  in  a  few  hands, 
piratic  Printers  or  hackney  Abridgers  fill  the  World  ;  the  first,  with 
spurious  and  incorrect  copies,  and  the  latter  with  imperfect  and  absurd 
representations,  both  in  fact,  style,  and  design. 

It  is  in  vain  to  exclaim  at  the  villainy  of  these  practices,  while  no  law 
is  left  to  punish  them. 

The  Press  groans  under  the  unhappy  burden,  and  yet  is  in  a  strait 
between  two  mischiefs  : 

1 .  The  tyranny  of  a  Licenser.  This,  in  all  Ages,  has  been  a  method 
so  ill,  so  arbitrary,  and  so  subjected  to  bribery  and  Parties,  that  the 
Government  has  thought  fit,  in  justice  to  the  Learned  Part  of  the 
World,  not  to  suffer  it :  since  it  has  always  been  shutting  up  the 
Press  to  one  side,  and  opening  it  to  the  other  ;  which,  as  Af^i'airs  are 
in  England  often  changing,  has,  in  its  turn,  been  oppressive  to 
both. 

2.  The  unbridled  liberty  of  invading  each  other's  property.  And  this 
is  the  evil  the  Press  now  cries  for  help  in. 

To  let  it  go  on  thus,  will,  in  time,  discourage  all  manner  of  Learning  ; 
and  authors  will  never  set  heartily  about  anything,  when  twenty  years' 
study  shall  immediately  be  sacrificed  to  the  profit  of  a  piratical  printer, 
who  not  only  ruins  the  author,  but  abuses  the  Work. 

I  shall  trouble  myself  only  to  give  some  instances  of  this  in  my  own 
case. 

As  to  the  abusing  the  Copy,  the  True  Born  Englishman  is  a  remark- 
able example.  By  which,  the  Author,  though  in  it  he  eyed  no  profit,  had 
he  been  to  enjoy  the  profit  of  his  own  labour,  had  gained  above  a  £\,ooa 
[=;i^2,ooo  no7v\  A  book,  that  besides  Nine  Editions  of  the  Author,  has 
been  Twelve  times  printed  by  other  hands  :  some  of  which,  have  been 
sold  for  a  Penny  ;  others,  for  Twopence  ;  and  others,  for  Sixpence.  The 
Author's  Edition  being  fairly  printed,  and  on  good  paper,  could  not  be 
sold  under  a  Shilling.  80,000  of  the  small  ones  have  been  sold  in 
the  streets  for  Twopence,  or  at  a  Penny  :  and  the  Author,  thus  abused 
and  discouraged,  had  no  remedy  but  patience. 

And  yet  he  had  received  no  mortification  at  this,  had  his  Copy  \manu- 
scfiptl  been  transmitted  fairly  to  the  World.  But  the  monstrous  abuses 
of  that  kind  are  hardly  credible.  Twenty,  fifty,  and  in  some  places  sixty 
lines  were  left  out  in  a  place  :  others  were  turned,  spoiled,  and  so  intoler- 
ably mangled,  that  the  parent  of  the  brat  could  not  know  his  own  child. 

This  is  the  thing  complained  of,  and  which  I  wait  with  patience,  and 
not  without  hopes,  to  see  rectified. 

A  true  Collect io?i,  St'c.  Vol.  IL  Preface."] 


II I 


["Statuimtis  pacem,  et  securitatem,  et  concordiam  judicium  et 
justitiam  inter  Anglos  et  Normannos,  Francos,  et  Britones  Wallice 
et  CornubicB,  Pictos  et  Scotos  Albanice;  similiter  inter  Francos  et 
Insulanos,provincias  etpatrias,  qua  pertinent  ad  coronam  nostrum; 
et  inter  omnes  nobis  subjectos,  firmiter  et  inviolabiliter  observari." 
—Charta  Regis  Wilhelmi  Conquisitoris  de  Pads  Publica, 
cap.  I. 

An 
Explanatory  Preface. 

|T  IS  not  that  I  see  any  reason  to  alter  my  opinion 
in  anything  I  have  writ[ten],  which  occasions  this 
Epistle;  but  I  find  it  necessary,  for  the  satisfaction 
of  some  Persons  of  Honour,  as  well  as  of  Wit,  to 
pass  a  short  Explication  upon  it,  and  tell  the 
World  what  I  mean ;  or  rather,  what  I  do  not  mean  in  some 
things,  wherein  I  find  I  am  liable  to  be  misunderstood. 

I  confess  myself  something  surprised,  to  hear  that  I  am 
taxed  with  bewraying  my  own  nest,  and  abusing  our  nation 
by  discovering  the  meanness  of  our  Original,  in  order  to  make 
the  English  contemptible  abroad  and  at  home.  In  which,  I 
think  they  are  mistaken.  For  why  should  not  our  neighbours 
be  as  good  as  we  to  derive  from  ? 

And  I  must  add,  that  had  we  been  an  unmixed  nation,  I 
am  of  opinion  it  had  been  to  our  disadvantage.  For,  to  go 
no  further,  w^e  have  three  nations  about  us,  as  clear  from 
mixtures  of  blood  as  any  in  the  world  ;  and  I  know  not  which 
of  them  I  could  wish  ourselves  to  be  like :  I  mean  the  Scots, 
the  Welsh,  and  the  Irish.  And  if  I  were  to  write  a  Reverse 
to  the  Satyr  [satire],  I  would  examine  all  the  nations  of 
Europe,  and  prove.  That  those  nations  which  are  most  mixed 
are  the  best ;  and  have  least  of  barbarism  and  brutality  among 
them.  And  abundance  of  reasons  might  be  given  for  it,  too 
long  to  bring  into  a  Preface. 

But  I  give  this  hint,  to  let  the  World  know  that  I  am  far 
from  thinking  it  is  a  Satyr  upon  the  English  Nation,  to  tell 
them  they  are  derived  from  all  the  nations  under  heaven,  that 
is,  from  several  nations.     Nor  is  it  meant  to  undervalue  the 


112  A  True,  and  a  True  Born  Englishman.  [? j^ui J^fyoj; 

original  of  English ;  for  we  see  no  reason  to  like  them  worse, 
being  the  relicts  of  Romans,  Danes,  Saxons,  and  Normans, 
than  we  should  have  done  if  they  had  remained  Britains,  that 
is,  if  the}'  had  been  all  Welshmen. 

But  the  intent  of  the  Satyr  is  to  point  at  the  vanity  of  those 
who  talk  of  their  antiquity  ;  and  value  themselves  upon  their 
pedigree,  their  ancient  families,  and  being  True  Born  :  whereas 
it  is  impossible  we  should  be  True  Born  ;  and,  if  we  could,  we 
should  have  lost  by  the  bargain. 

These  sort  of  people,  who  call  themselves  True  Born ;  and 
tell  long  stories  of  their  families;  and,  like  a  nobleman  of 
Venice,  think  a  foreigner  ought  not  to  walk  on  the  same  side 
of  the  street  with  them  ;  are  owned  to  be  meant  in  this  Satyr. 
What  they  would  infer  from  their  long  original,  I  know  not : 
nor  is  it  easy  to  make  out,  whether  they  are  the  better  or  the 
worse  for  their  ancestors. 

Our  English  nation  may  value  themselves  for  their  Wit, 
Wealth,  and  Courage ;  and  I  believe  few  nations  will  dispute 
it  with  them  :  but  for  long  originals,  and  ancient  true  born 
families  of  English ;  I  would  advise  them  to  waive  the  discourse ! 

A  True  English  man  is  one  that  deserves  a  character,  and 
I  have  nowhere  lessened  him,  that  I  know  of:  but  as  for  a 
True  Born  English  man,  I  confess  I  do  not  understand  him  ! 

From  hence  I  only  infer,  That  an  English  man,  of  all  men, 
ought  not  to  despise  foreigners  as  such ;  and  I  think  the  in- 
ference isjust,since  what  They  are  to-day,  We  were  yesterday ; 
and  To-morrow,  they  will  be  like  us. 

If  foreigners  misbehave  in  their  several  stations  and  em- 
ployments, I  have  nothing  to  do  with  that  !  The  laws  are 
open  to  punish  them  equally  with  natives,  and  let  them  have 
no  favour !  But  when  I  see  the  Town  full  of  lampoons  and 
invectives  against  Dutchmen,  only  because  they  are  foreigners; 
and  the  King  [William  III.]  reproached  and  insulted  by 
insolent  pedants  and  ballad-making  poets,  for  employing 
foreigners,  and  for  being  a  foreigner  himself:  I  confess  myself 
moved  by  it  to  remind  our  nation  of  their  own  original ; 
thereby  to  let  them  see  what  a  banter  is  put  upon  ourselves 
in  it ;  since  speaking  of  Englishmen  ab  origine,  we  are  really 
all  Foreigners  ourselves ! 

I  could  go  on  to  prove  it  is  also  impolitic  in  us  to  discourage 
foreigners;  since  it  is  easy  to  make  it  appear  that  the  multi- 


»j^iy^ifo3.]    Insular  PREJUDICES  AGAINST  FOREIGNERS.    113 

tudes  of  foreign  nations  who  have  taken  sanctuary  here,  have 
been  the  greatest  additions  to  the  wealth  and  strength  of  the 
nation  :  the  essential  whereof  is  in  the  number  of  its  inhabi- 
tants. Nor  would  this  nation  ever  have  arrived  to  the  degree 
of  wealth  and  glory  it  now  boasts  of,  if  the  addition  of  foreign 
nations,  both  as  to  manufactures  and  arms,  had  not  been 
helpful  to  it.  This  is  so  plain,  that  he  who  is  ignorant  of  it 
is  too  dull  to  be  talked  with. 

The  Satyr  therefore,  I  must  allow  to  be  just,  till  I  am 
otherwise  convinced.  Because  nothing  can  be  more  ridiculous 
than  to  hear  our  people  boast  of  that  antiquity;  which,  if  it 
had  been  true,  would  have  left  us  in  so  much  worse  a  condi- 
tion than  we  are  now.  Whereas  we  ought  rather  to  boast 
among  our  neighbours,  that  we  are  part  of  themselves,  of  the 
same  original  as  they  but  bettered  by  our  climate ;  and,  like 
our  language  and  manufactures,  derived  from  them,  but  im- 
proved by  us  to  a  perfection  greater  than  they  can  pretend 
to.   This  we  might  have  valued  ourselves  upon  without  vanity. 

But  to  disown  our  descent  from  them,  to  talk  big  of  our 
ancient  families  and  long  originals,  and  to  stand  at  a  distance 
from  foreigners  like  the  Enthusiast  in  religion,  with  a  "Stand 
off!  I  am  more  holy  than  thou!"  this  is  a  thing  so  ridiculous 
in  a  nation  derived  from  foreigners  as  we  are,  that  I  could 
not  but  attack  them  as  I  have  done. 

And  whereas  I  am  threatened  to  be  called  to  a  public 
account  for  this  freedom,  and  the  Publisher  of  this  has  been 
"newspapered"  into  gaol  already  for  it:  though  I  see  nothing 
in  it  for  which  the  Government  can  be  displeased ;  yet  if,  at 
the  same  time,  those  people  who,  with  an  unlimited  arrogance 
in  print,  every  day  affront  the  King,  prescribe  [to]  the  Par- 
liament, and  lampoon  the  Government,  may  be  either 
punished  or  restrained ;  I  am  content  to  stand  or  fall  by  the 
Public  Justice  of  my  native  country,  which  I  am  not  sensible 
that  I  have  anywhere  injured. 

Nor  would  I  be  misunderstood  concerning  the  Clergy, 
with  whom  if  I  have  taken  any  license  more  than  becomes  a 
Satyr,  I  question  not  but  those  Gentlemen,  who  are  Men  of 
Letters  as  well  as  men  of  so  much  candour  as  to  allow  me 
a  loose  [liherty]  at  the  crimes  of  the  guilty ;  without  think- 
ing the  whole  Profession  lashed,  who  are  innocent.  I  pro- 
fess to  have  very  mean  thoughts  of  those  Gentlemen,  who 

H        .  3 


1 1 4  I  HAVE  NOT  Place,  Pension,  or  Prospect,  [j  ji'ij^i'^yoj! 

have  deserted  their  own  principles,  and  exposed  even  their 
morals  as  well  as  loyalty ;  but  not  at  all  to  think  it  affects 
any  but  such  as  are  concerned  in  the  fact. 

Nor  would  I  be  misrepresented  as  to  the  ingratitude  of  the 
English  to  the  King  and  his  friends  ;  as  if  I  meant  the 
English  as  a  Nation,  are  so. 

The  contrary  is  so  apparent,  that  I  would  hope  it  should 
not  be  suggested  of  me.  And  therefore  when  I  have  brought 
in  Britannia  speaking  of  the  King,  I  suppose  her  to  be  the 
representative  or  mouth  of  the  Nation  as  a  body. 

But  if  I  say  we  are  full  of  such  who  daily  affront  the  King 
and  abuse  his  friends,  who  print  scurrilous  pamphlets,  viru- 
lent lampoons,  and  reproachful  public  banters  against  both 
the  King's  person  and  his  Government  :  I  say  nothing  but 
what  is  too  true.  And  that  the  Satyr  is  directed  as  such, 
I  freely  own  ;  and  cannot  say  but  I  should  think  it  very  hard 
to  be  censured  for  this  Satyr,  while  such  remains  unques- 
tioned and  tacitly  approved.  That  I  can  mean  none  but 
these,  is  plain  from  these  few  lines,  page  27  [p.  143]. 

Ye  Heavens,  regard!  Almighty  jfoVE,  look  down 
A  nd  view  thy  injured  Monarch  on  the  throne  I 
On  their  ungrateful  heads,  due  vengeance  take, 
Who  sought  his  A  id,  and  then  his  Part  forsake  ! 

If  I  have  fallen  rudely  upon  our  vices,  I  hope  none  but  the 
vicious  will  be  angry. 

As  for  writing  for  Interest,  I  disown  it  !  I  have  neither 
Place,  nor  Pension,  nor  Prospect  ;  nor  seek  none,  nor  will 
have  none  ! 

If  matter  of  fact  justifies  the  truth  of  the  crimes,  the 
Satyr  is  just.  As  to  the  poetic  liberties,  I  hope  the  crime  is 
pardonable  !  I  am  content  to  be  stoned,  provided  none  will 
attack  me  but  the  innocent ! 

If  my  countrymen  would  take  the  hint,  and  grow  better 
natured  from  my  "  ill-natured  poem,"  as  some  call  it  ;  I 
would  say  this  of  it ;  that  though  it  is  far  from  the  best 
Satyr  that  ever  was  written,  it  would  do  the  most  good  that 
ever  Satyr  did. 

And  yet  I  am  ready  to  ask  pardon  of  some  Gentlemen  too, 
who,  though  they  are  Englishmen,  have  good  nature  enough 
to  see  themselves   reproved,   and  can  hear  it.     These   are 


D.  Defoe."] 
July  1 703.  J 


The  end  of  Satyr  is  Reformation. 


Gentlemen  in  a  true  sense,  that  can  bear  to  be  told  of  their 
faux  pas,  and  not  abuse  the  Reprover.  To  such,  I  must  say 
this_is_XLQ-Satyr.  They  are  exceptions  to  the  general  rule  : 
and  I  value  my  performance  from  their  generous  approbation 
more  than  I  can  from  any  opinion  I  have  of  its  worth. 

The  hasty  errors  of  my  Verse,  I  made  my  excuse  for 
before  :  and  since  the  time  I  have  been  upon  it,  has  been  but 
little,  and  my  leisure  less ;  I  have  all  along  strove  rather  to 
make  the  Thoughts  explicit  than  the  Poem  correct.  How- 
ever, I  have  mended  some  faults  in  this  edition  [1703] ;  and 
the  rest  must  be  placed  to  my  account. 

As  to  Answers,  Banters,  True  English  Billingsgate;  I  will 
expect  them  till  nobody  will  buy,  andthen  the  shop  will  be  shut. 

Had  I  written  it  for  the  gain  of  the  Press,  I  should  have 
been  concerned  at  its  being  printed  again  and  again,  by 
Pirates  as  they  called  them,  and  Paragraph-Men  :  but  would 
they  but  do  it  justice,  and  print  it  true,  according  to  the 
Copy  ;  they  are  welcome  to  sell  it  for  a  penny,  if  they  please. 

Their  Pence  indeed  are  the  End  of  their  works.  I  will 
engage,  if  nobody  will  buy,  nobody  will  write  !  and  not  a 
Patriot  Poet  of  them  all  now,  will,  in  defence  of  his  native 
country  (which  I  have  abused,  they  say),  print  an  Answer  io 
it,  and  give  it  about,  for  GOD's  sake  !J 


THE    PREFACE. 


[D.  Defoe. 
Ljan.  1701. 


He  End  of  Satyr  is  Reformation :  and  the  Author 
though  he  doubts  the  work  of  conversion  is  at  a  general 
stop,  has  put  his  hand  to  the  plow. 

I  expect  a  storm  of  ill  language  from  the  fury  of 
the  Town,  and  especially  from  those  whose  English 
ialejtt  it  is  to  rail.  And  without  being  taken  for  a  conjurer,  I 
may  venture  to  foretell  that  I  shall  be  cavilled  at  about  my  mean 
style, rough  verse,  ««(i  incorrect  language;  things,!  might  indeed 
have  taken  more  care  in.  But  the  book  is  printed,  and  though  I 
see  some  faults,  it  is  too  late  to  mend  them.  And  this  is  all  I 
think  needftd  to  say  to  them. 


ii6  Defoe's  experience  of  foreigners  abroad. [j^ 


Defoe, 
an.  1701. 


Possibly  somebody  may  take  me  for  a  Dutchman,  in  which  they 
are  mistaken.  But  I  am  one  that  would  be  glad  to  see  English- 
men behave  themselves  better  to  strangers,  and  to  Governors  also  ; 
that  one  might  not  be  reproached  in  foreign  countries,  for  belong- 
ing to  a  "  nation  that  wants  manners ^ 

I  assure  you,  Gentlemen,  strangers  use  us  better  abroad;  and 
we  can  give  no  reason  but  our  ill-nature  for  the  contrary  here. 

Methinks,  an  Englishman,  who  is  so  proud  of  being  called  "  a 
good  fellow,''  should  be  civil:  whereas  it  cannot  be  denied  but 
we  are,  in  many  cases,  and  particularly  to  strangers,  the  churlishest 
people  alive. 

As  to  vices,  who  can  dispute  our  intemperance,  whilst  an  honest 
drunken  man  is  a  character  in  a  man's  praise  ?  All  our  Reform- 
ations are  banters,  and  will  be  so  until  our  Magistrates  and 
Gentry  reform  themselves  by  way  of  example.  Then,  and  not  till 
then,  they  may  be  expected  to  punish  others  without  blushing. 

As  to  our  Ingratitude,  I  desire  to  be  understood  of  that  par- 
ticular people,  who  pretending  to  be  Protestants,  have  all  along 
endeavoured  to  reduce  the  Liberties  and  Religion  of  this  nation 
into  the  hands  of  King  James  and  his  Popish  powers  ;  together 
with  such  who  enjoy  the  peace  and  protection  of  the  present 
Government,  and  yet  abuse  and  affront  the  King  who  procured  it, 
and  openly  profess  their  uneasiness  under  him.  These,  by  what- 
ever names  or  titles  they  are  dignified  or  distinguished,  are  the 
people  aimed  at.  Nor  do  I  disown  but  that  it  is  so  much  the 
temper  of  an  Englishman  to  abuse  his  benefactor,  that  I  could  be 
glad  to  see  it  rectified. 

They  who  think  I  have  been  guilty  of  any  error  in  exposing  the 
crimes  of  my  own  coimtrymen  to  themselves,  may,  among  many 
honest  instances  of  the  like  nature,  find  the  same  thing  in  Mr. 
Cowley,  in  his  Imitation  of  the  second  Olympic  Ode  of  Pindar. 
His  words  are  these  : 

But  in  this  thankless  World,  the  Givers 

Are  envied  even  by  the  Receivers  : 
'Tis  now  the  cheap  and  frugal  fashion, 
Rather  to  hide,  than  pay  an  obligation. 

Nay,  'tis  much  worse  than  so  ! 

It  now  an  Artifice  doth  grow, 

Wrongs  and  Outrages  to  do ; 
Lest  men  should  think  we  Owe. 


117 


THE     INTRODUCTION. 

Peak,  Satyr!     For  there  's  none  can  tell  like 
thee  ! 
Whether  'tis  Folly,  Pride,  or  Knavery 
That  makes  this  discontented  land  appear 
Less  happy  now  in  Times  of  Peace,  than  War  ? 
Why  civil  feuds  disturb  the  nation  more 
Than  all  our  bloody  wars  have  done  before  ■* 

Fools  out  of  favour,  grudge  at  Knaves  in  Place  : 
And  men  are  always  honest  in  disgrace. 
The  Court  preferments  make  men  knaves,  in  course ; 
But  they  which  would  be  in  them,  would  be  worse ! 
'Tis  not  at  Foreigners  that  we  repine. 
Would  Foreigners  their  perquisites  resign ! 
The  Great  Contention  's  plainly  to  be  seen, 
To  get  some  men  put  Out,  and  some  put  In. 
For  this,  our  S[enator]s  make  long  harangues, 
And  floored  M [ember] s  whet  their  polished  tongues. 
Statesmen  are  always  sick  of  one  disease, 
And  a  good  Pension  gives  them  present  ease : 
That 's  the  specific  makes  them  all  content 
With  any  King  and  any  Government. 
Good  patriots  at  Court  Abuses  rail. 
And  all  the  nation's  grievances  bewail  ; 
But  when  the  Sovereign  Balsam  's  once  applied, 
The  zealot  never  fails  to  change  his  Side  ; 
And  when  he  must  the  Golden  Key  resign, 
The  Railing  Spirit  comes  about  again ! 


ii8  The    Introduction.  [?,„^,t: 

Who  shall  this  bubbled  nation  disabuse, 
While  they,  their  own  felicities  refuse  ? 
Who  at  the  wars,  have  made  such  mighty  pother  ; 
And  now  are  falling  out  with  one  another  ! 
With  needless  fears,  the  jealous  nation  fill. 
And  always  have  been  saved  against  their  will  I 
Who  fifty  millions  sterling  have  disbursed 
To  be  at  peace,  and  too  much  plenty  cursed  I 
Who  their  Old  Monarch  eagerly  undo, 
And  yet  uneasily  obey  the  New ! 

Search,  Satyr  !  search  !  a  deep  incision  make ! 
The  poison  's  strong,  the  antidote  's  too  weak  ! 
'Tis  Pointed  Truth  must  manage  this  dispute  ; 
And  downright  English,  Englishmen  confute  ! 
Whet  thy  just  anger  at  the  nation's  pride  ; 
And  with  keen  phrase  repel  the  vicious  tide ! 
To  Englishmen,  their  own  beginnings  shew. 
And  ask  them,  "  Why  they  slight  their  neighbours  so  ? ' 

Go  back  to  elder  Times  and  Ages  past. 
And  nations  into  long  oblivion  cast ; 
To  old  Britannia's  youthful  days  retire, 
And  there  for  the  True  Born  Englishmen  inquire ! 
Britannia  freely  will  disown  the  name ; 
And  hardly  knows  herself,  from  whence  they  came. 
Wonders  that  They,  of  all  men,  should  pretend 
To  birth  and  blood,  and  for  a  Name  contend  ! 

Go  back  to  causes,  where  our  follies  dwell, 
And  fetch  the  dark  Original  from  hell ! 
Speak,  Satyr  !  for  there  's  none  like  thee,  can  tell. 


119 


The    True    Born    Englishman. 


PART     I. 


Herever  god  erects  a  House  of  Prayer, 
The  Devil  always  builds  a  Chapel  there  ; 
And  'twill  be  found,  upon  examination. 
The  latter  has  the  largest  congregation. 
For  ever  since  he  first  debauched  the  mind, 
He  made  a  perfect  conquest  of  mankind. 
With  Uniformity  of  Service,  he 
Reigns  with  a  general  aristocracy. 
No  Nonconforming  Sects  disturb  his  reign; 
For  of  his  yoke,  there  's  very  few  complain  ! 
He  knows  the  Genius  and  the  inclination, 
And  matches  proper  sins  for  every  nation. 
He  needs  no  Standing  Army  Government, 
He  always  rules  us  by  our  own  consent  1 
His  laws  are  easy,  and  his  gentle  sway 
Makes  it  exceeding  pleasant  to  obey. 
The  list  of  his  Vicegerents  and  Commanders 
Outdoes  your  Cesars  or  your  Alexanders  : 
They  never  fail  of  his  infernal  aid. 
And  he  's  as  certain  ne'er  to  be  betrayed. 
Through  all  the  world,  they  spread  his  vast  command, 
And  Death's  eternal  empire  is  maintained. 


\2oT  H  E   True  Born  English  ma  n.  \ji^f^ 

They  rule  so  politicly  and  so  well, 
As  if  there  were  Lords  Justices  of  Hell  1 
Duly  divided,  to  debauch  mankind, 
And  plant  infernal  dictates  in  their  mind. 

Pride,  the  first  Peer,  and  President  of  Hell ; 
To  his  share,  Spain,  the  largest  province,  fell. 
The  subtle  Prince  thought  fittest  to  bestow 
On  these,  the  golden  mines  of  Mexico, 
With  all  the  silver  mountains  of  Peru  ; 
Wealth  which,  in  wise  hands,  would  the  World  undo ! 
Because  he  knew  their  Genius  to  be  such, 
Too  lazy  and  too  haughty  to  be  rich. 
So  proud  a  people,  so  above  their  fate, 
That  if  reduced  to  beg,  they'll  beg  in  State  ! 
Lavish  of  money,  to  be  counted  brave ; 
And  proudly  starve,  because  they  scorn  to  save. 
Never  v^^as  nation  in  the  World  before, 
So  very  rich,  and  yet  so  very  poor. 

Lust  chose  the  torrid  zone  of  Italy, 
Where  swelling  veins  o'erflow  with  livid  streams. 
With  heat  impregnate  from  Vesuvian  flames. 
Whose  flowing  sulphur  forms  infernal  lakes ; 
And  human  body,  of  the  soil  partakes. 
There  Nature  ever  burns  with  hot  desires, 
Fanned  with  luxuriant  air  from  subterranean  fires. 
Here  undisturbed,  in  floods  of  scalding  lust, 
The  infernal  King  reigns  with  infernal  gust. 

Drunkenness,  the  darling  favourite  of  hell, 

Chose  Germany  to  rule  ;  and  rules  so  well ! 

No  subjects  more  obsequiously  obey  ! 

None  please  so  well,  or  are  so  pleased  as  they  1 

The  cunning  Artist  manages  so  well, 

He  lets  them  bow  to  heaven,  and  drink  to  hell. 


?an°itoi:]  The  True  B  o  r  n  E  n  g  li  s  h  m  a  n  .  121 

If  but  to  wine  and  him,  they  homage  pay, 

He  cares  not  to  what  deity  they  pray  ! 

What  God  they  worship  most  !  or  in  what  way  ! 

Whether  by  Luther,  Calvin,  or  by  Rome, 

They  sail  for  heaven  :  by  wine,  he  steers  them  home  ! 

Ungoverned  Passion  settled  first  in  France, 
Where  mankind  lives  in  haste,  and  thrives  by  chance: 
A  dancing  nation,  fickle  and  untrue  ! 
Have  oft  undone  themselves,  and  others  too; 
Prompt,  the  infernal  dictates  to  obey  ; 
And  in  hell's  favour,  none  more  great  than  they  1 

The  Pagan  World,  he  blindly  leads  away, 
And  personally  rules,  with  arbitrary  sway. 
The  mask  thrown  off,  Plain  Devil  his  title  stands : 
And  what  elsewhere,  he  Tempts ;  he,  here  Commands 
There,  with  full  gust,  the  ambition  of  his  mind 
Governs,  as  he,  of  old,  in  heaven  designed  ! 
Worshipped  as  God,  his  paynim  altars  smoke, 
Embued  with  blood  of  those  that  him  invoke. 

The  rest,  by  Deputies,  he  rules  as  well, 
And  plants  the  distant  colonies  of  hell  : 
By  them,  his  secret  power,  he  well  maintains, 
And  binds  the  World  in  his  infernal  chains. 

By  zeal,  the  Irish  ;  and  the  Rush  by  folly  : 
Fury,  the  Dane  ;  the  Swede,  by  melancholy. 
By  stupid  ignorance,  the  Muscovite  : 
The  Chinese,  by  a  child  of  hell  called  Wit. 
Wealth  makes  the  Persian  too  effeminate  ; 
And  Poverty,  the  Tartars  desperate. 
The  Turks  and  Moors,  by  Mahomet  he  subdues  ; 
And  GOD  has  given  him  leave  to  rule  the  Jews. 
Rage  rules  the  Portuguese  ;  and  fraud,  the  Scotch ; 
Revenge,  the  Pole;  and  avarice,  the  Dutch. 


D.  Defoe, 
an.  1 701. 


22   The  True  Born  Englishman.  [J 

Satyr,  be  kind  !  and  draw  a  silent  veil ! 
Thy  native  England's  vices  to  conceal. 
Or  if  that  task  's  impossible  to  do, 
At  least  be  just,  and  shew  her  virtues  too  ! 
Too  great,  the  first !  alas,  the  last  too  few  ! 


England  unknown  as  yet,  unpeopled  lay. 
Happy  had  she  remained  so  to  this  day. 
And  not  to  every  nation  been  a  prey  ! 
Her  open  harbours  and  her  fertile  plains 
(The  merchants'  glory  these,  and  those,  the  swains'), 
To  every  barbarous  nation  have  betrayed  her ! 
Who  conquer  her  as  oft  as  they  invade  her. 
So  Beauty,  guarded  but  by  Innocence  ! 
That  ruins  her,  which  should  be  her  defence. 


Ingratitude,  a  devil  of  black  renown, 
Possessed  her  very  early  for  his  own  : 
An  ugly,  surly,  sullen,  selfish  spirit. 
Who  Satan's  worst  perfections  does  inherit. 
Second  to  him  in  malice  and  in  force, 
All  Devil  without,  and  all  within  him  worse. 


He  made  her  first  born  race  to  be  so  rude, 
And  suffered  her  to  be  so  oft  subdued. 
By  several  crowds  of  wandering  thieves  o'errun, 
Often  unpeopled,  and  as  oft  undone : 
While  every  nation,  that  her  powers  reduced, 
Their  language  and  manners  soon  infused. 
From  whose  mixed  relics  our  compounded  Breed 
By  spurious  generation  does  succeed  : 
Making  a  Race  uncertain  and  uneven, 
Derived  from  all  the  nations  under  heaven  ! 


?an°i7oi:]  The   True  Born  E  n  gl  i  s  hma  jv. 

The  Romans  first,  with  Julius  C^sar  came, 
Including  all  the  nations  of  that  name, 
Gauls,  Greeks,  and  Lombards,  and  by  computation. 
Auxiliaries  or  slaves,  of  every  nation. 
With  Hengist,  Saxons;  Danes  with  Sueno  came; 
In  search  of  plunder,  not  in  search  of  fame. 
Scots,  Picts,  and  Irish  from  the  Hibernian  shore ; 
And  Conquering  William  brought  the  Normans  o'er. 

All  these,  their  barbarous  offspring  left  behind  ; 
The  dregs  of  armies,  they,  of  all  mankind  : 
Blended  with  Britains  who  before  were  here, 
Of  whom  the  Welsh  have  blest  the  character. 

From  this  amphibious  ill-born  mob  began 
That  vain  ill-natured  thing,  an  Englishman. 
The  customs,  surnames,  languages,  and  manners 
Of  all  these  nations  are  their  own  explainers  : 
Whose  relics  are  so  lasting  and  so  strong, 
They  have  left  a  Shibboleth  upon  our  tongue, 
By  which,  with  easy  search,  you  may  distinguish 
Your  Roman-Saxon-Danish-Norman  English. 

The  great  invading  *  Norman  let  us  know     *conll!^ll^" 
What  conquerors  in  after  Times  might  do ! 
To  every  *  musketeer,  he  brought  to  Town,       ♦  Or  Archer. 
He  gave  the  lands  which  never  were  his  own. 
When  first,  the  English  crown  he  did  obtain ; 
He  did  not  send  his  Dutchmen  home  again  !    - 
No  re-assumption  in  his  reign  was  known ; 
Davenant  might  there  have  let  his  book  alone! 
No  Parliament,  his  army  could  disband ; 
He  raised  no  money,  for  he  paid  in  land ! 
He  gave  his  Legions  their  eternal  Station, 
And  made  them  all  freeholders  of  the  nation ! 


124  The   True  Born  Englishman.  \j;,^f°^;. 

He  cantoned  out  the  country  to  his  men, 

And  every  soldier  was  a  denizen  ! 

The  rascals  thus  enriched,  he  called  them,  Lords  !       \ 

To  please  their  upstart  pride  with  new  made  words  :    \ 

And  Domesday  Book,  his  tyranny  records.  ) 

And  here  begins  our  ancient  pedigree 
That  so  exalts  our  poor  Nobility! 
'Tis  that  from  some  French  trooper  they  derive, 
Who  with  the  Norman  Bastard  did  arrive. 
The  trophies  of  the  families  appear: 
Some  shew  the  sword,  the  bow,  and  some  the  spear. 
Which  their  Great  Ancestor,  forsooth  !  did  wear. 
These  in  the  Heralds'  Register  remain, 
Their  noble  mean  extraction  to  explain. 
Yet  who  the  hero  was,  no  man  can  tell ! 
Whether  a  drummer,  or  a  Colonel  ? 
The  silent  record  blushes  to  reveal 
Their  undescended  dark  Original  ! 

But  grant  the  best !  How  came  the  change  to  pass, 
A  True  Born  Englishman,  of  Norman  race  ? 
A  Turkish  horse  can  shew  more  history 
To  prove  his  well-descended  family  ! 
Conquest,  as  by  the  *  Moderns  'tis  exprest,     "^'"'af^^^o'^'^ 
May  give  a  title  to  the  lands  possests : 
But  that  the  longest  sword  should  be  so  civil, 
To  make  a  Frenchman,  English ;  that  's  the  Devil ! 

These  are  the  heroes  who  despise  the  Dutch, 
And  rail  at  new-come  foreigners  so  much ! 
Forgetting  that  themselves  are  all  derived 
From  the  most  scoundrel  race  that  ever  lived ! 
A  horrid  crowd  of  rambling  thieves  and  drones, 
Who  ransacked  kingdoms,  and  dispeopled  towns  ! 
The  Pict  and  painted  Britain,  treacherous  Scot ; 


fanl^itorG  ^^^      TrUE     BoRN     E  N  G  L  I  S  H  M  A  N  ^    \2\ 

By  hunger,  theft,  and  rapine  hither  brought ! 
Norwegian  pirates,  buccaneering  Dane, 
Whose  red-haired  offspring  everywhere  remain  ; 
Who,  joined  with  Norman  French,  compound  the  breed 
From  whence  your  True  Born  Englishmen  proceed ! 

And  lest,  by  length  of  time  it  be  pretended. 
The  climate  may  this  modern  breed  have  mended ; 
Wise  Providence,  to  keep  us  where  we  are. 
Mixes  us  daily,  with  exceeding  care  ! 
We  have  been  Europe's  Sink  !  the  Jakes  where  she 
Voids  all  her  offal  outcast  progeny. 
From  our  Fifth  Henry's  time,  the  strolling  bands 
Of  banished  fugitives  from  neighbouring  lands, 
Have  here  a  certain  sanctuary  found  : 

I      The  eternal  refuge  of  the  vagabond  ! 

Where,  in  but  half  a  common  Age  of  time, 
Borrowing  new  blood  and  manners  from  the  clime, 
Proudly  they  learn  all  mankind  to  contemn, 

I  i   And  all  their  race  are  True  Born  Englishmen ! 

j       •    /         Dutch,  Walloons,  Flemings,  Irishmen,  and  Scots, 
•  ''     /      Vaudois  and  Valtolines  and  Huguenots, 
In  good  Queen  Bess's  charitable  reign. 
Supplied  us  with  three  hundred  thousand  men. 
Religion  (God,  we  thank  Thee!)  sent  them  hither, 
Priests,  Protestants,  the  Devil  and  all  together ! 
Of  all  professions,  and  of  every  trade, 
j^AW  that  were  persecuted  or  afraid  ; 

K*-^   ^  _  Whether  for  debt,  or  other  crimes  they  fled, 
David  at  Hackilah  was  still  their  head. 


A 

}' 
^ 


The  offspring  of  this  miscellaneous  crowd 
Had  not  their  new  plantations  long  enjoyed, 
But  they  grew  Englishmen,  and  raised  their  votes 
At  foreign  shoals  of  interloping  Scots. 


f^ 


126  The  True  Born  Englishman,  [fanl^'^or 

The  Royal*  Branch, from  Pict  land  did  succeed,  *  King  jamesi. 
With  troops  of  Scots,  and  scabs  from  North-by-Tvveed. 
The  seven  first  years  of  his  pacific  reign 
Made  him  and  half  his  nation.  Englishmen. 
Scots  from  the  northern  frozen  banks  of  Tay, 
With  packs  and  plods  came  Whigging  all  away ; 
Thick  as  the  locusts  which  in  Egypt  swarmed. 
With  pride  and  hungry  hopes  completely  armed  : 
With  native  truth,  diseases,  and  no  money. 
Plundered  our  Canaan  of  the  milk  and  honey. 
Here  they  grew  quickly  Lords  and  Gentlemen, 
And  all  their  race  are  True  Born  Englishmen  1 

The  Civil  Wars,  the  common  purgative 
Which  always  use  to  make  the  nation  thrive, 
Made  way  for  all  the  strolling  congregation 
Which  thronged  in  pious  C[harle]s'  Restoration. 
The  Royal  Refugee  our  breed  restores 
With  foreign  Courtiers,  and  with  foreign  whores ; 
And  carefully  repeopled  us  again 
Throughout  his  lazy,  long,  lascivious  reign, 
With  such  a  blest  and  True  Born  English  fry 
As  such  illustrates  our  Nobility. 
A  gratitude  which  will  so  black  appear, 
As  future  Ages  must  abhor  to  hear ; 
When  they  look  back  on  all  that  crimson  flood, 
Which  streamed  in  Lindsey's  and  Carnarvon's  blood, 
Bold  Stafford,  Cambridge,  Capel,  Lucas,  Lisle, 
Who  crowned  in  death,  his  father's  funeral  pile : 
The  loss  of  whom,  in  order  to  supply. 
With  True  Born  English  bred  Nobility, 
Six  bastard  Dukes  survive  his  luscious  reign, 
The  labours  of  the  Italian  Castlemaine, 
French  Portsmouth,  Tabby  Scot,  and  Cambrian ; 
Besides  the  numerous  bright  and  virgin  throng 
Whose  female  glories  shade  them  from  my  Song. 


?a;n!^i7oi:]  The  True  B  o  rn  E  n  g  li  s  h  m  a  n  .   127 

This  offspring,  if  one  Age  they  multiply, 
May  half  the  House,  with  English  Peers  supply ! 
There,  with  true  Enghsh  pride,  they  may  contemn 
ScHOMBERG  and  Portland,  new  made  Noblemen. 


French  cooks,  Scotch  pedlars,  and  Italian  whores 
Were  all  made  Lords,  or  Lords'  progenitors. 
Beggars  and  bastards  by  this  new  creation, 
Much  multiplied  the  P[eera]ge  of  the  nation  : 
Who  will  be  all,  ere  one  short  Age  runs  o'er. 
As  Tnie  Born  Lords  as  those  we  had  before. 

Then  to  recruit  the  Commons  he  prepares,      ^_jy 
And  heal  the  latent  breaches  of  the  Wars.  '''^ , 

The  pious  purpose  better  to  advance, 
He  invites  the  banished  Protestants  of  France. 
Hither,  for  GOD's  sake,  and  their  own,  they  fled  : 
Some  for  religion  came,  and  some  for  bread. 
Two  hundred  thousand  pair  of  Wooden  Shoes, 
Who  (God  be  thanked  !)  had  nothing  left  to  lose, 
To  Heaven's  great  praise,  did  for  religion  fly ; 
To  make  us  starve  our  poor,  in  charity. 
In  every  port,  they  plant  their  fruitful  train. 
To  get  a  race  of  True  Born  Englishmen  : 
Whose  children  will,  when  riper  years  they  see. 
Be  as  ill-natured  and  as  proud  as  we  ! 
Call  themselves  English  !  foreigners  despise  ! 
Be  surly  like  us  all,  and  just  as  wise  !  .  ^ 

Thus  from  a  mixture  of  all  kinds,  began 
That  heterogeneous  thing,  an  Englishman. 
In  eager  rapes,  and  furious  lust  begot, 
Betwixt  a  painted  Britain  and  a  Scot ; 
Whose  gendering  offspring  quickly  learned  to  bow. 
And  yoke  the  heifers  to  the  Roman  plow. 


Defoe. 


128   The  True  Born  Englishman.  \^il 

From  whence  a  mongrel  half-breed  race  there  came 
With  neither  name  or  nation,  speech  or  fame. 
In  whose  hot  veins,  new  mixtures  quickly  ran, 
Infused  betwixt  a  Saxon  and  a  Dane. 
This  nauseous  brood  directly  did  contain 
The  well-extracted  blood  of  Englishmen. 

Which  medley  cantoned  in  a  Heptarchy, 
A  rhapsody  of  nations  to  supply  ; 
Among  themselves  maintained  eternal  wars, 
And  still  the  Ladies  loved  the  Conquerors. 

The  western  Angles,  all  the  rest  subdued ; 
A  bloody  nation  barbarous  and  rude  : 
Who  by  the  tenure  of  the  sword,  possesst 
One  part  of  Britain  ;  and  subdued  the  rest. 
And  as  great  things  denominate  the  small, 
The  conquering  Part  gave  title  to  the  Whole. 
The  Scot,  Pict,  Britain,  Roman,  Dane  submit. 
And  with  the  English-Saxon  all  unite  : 
And  these  the  mixture  have  so  close  pursued, 
The  very  Name  and  Memory's  subdued  ! 
No  Roman  now,  no  Britain  does  remain ! 
(Wales  strove  to  separate,  but  strove  in  vain) 
The  silent  nations  undistinguished  fall ! 
And  Englishnan  's  the  common  Name  for  all. 
Fate  jumbled  them  together,  God  knows  how  ! 
Whate'er  they  were,  they  're  True  Born  English  now ! 

The  wonder  which  remains,  is  at  our  Pride, 
To  value  that  which  all  wise  men  deride  ; 
For  Englishmen  to  boast  of  Generation, 
Cancels  their  knowledge,  and  lampoons  the  nation  I 

A  True  Born  Englishman  's  a  contradiction  ! 
In  speech,  an  irony  !  in  fact,  a  fiction  ! 


fan°i7o!:]  The  T  ru  e  B  or  n  E  n  gli  shm  an,    i2g 

A  banter  made  to  be  a  test  of  fools  ! 
Which  those  that  use  it,  justly  ridicules. 
A  metaphor  invented  to  express 
A  man  akin  to  all  the  Universe  ! 


For  as  the  Scots,  as  learned  men  have  said, 
Throughout  the  world  their  wandering  seed  have  spread  ; 
So  open-handed  England,  'tis  believed, 
Has  all  the  gleanings  of  the  world  received. 

Some  think,  of  England  'twas,  our  Saviour  meant ; 
The  Gospel  should,  to  all  the  world  be  sent : 
Since,  when  the  blessed  sound  did  hither  reach, 
They  to  all  nations  might  be  said  to  preach. 

'Tis  well  that  Virtue  gives  Nobility; 
How  shall  we  else  the  Want  of  Birth  and  Blood  supply  ? 
Since  scarce  one  Family  is  left  alive. 
Which  does  not  from  some  foreigner  derive. 
Of  sixty  thousand  English  Gentlemen 
Whose  Names  and  Arms  in  Registers  remain ; 
We  challenge  all  our  Heralds  to  declare 
Ten  Families  which  English  Saxons  are  ! 

France  justly  boasts  the  ancient  noble  line 
Of  Bourbon,  Montmorency,  and  Lorraine. 
The  Germans  too  their  House  of  Austria  shew, 
And  Holland  their  invincible  Nassau  : 
Lines  which  in  heraldry  were  ancient  grown, 
Before  the  name  of  Englishman  was  known. 
Even  Scotland  too,  her  elder  glory  shews  ! 
Her  Gordons,  Hamiltons,  and  her  Monroes  ; 
Douglas,  Mackays,  and  Grahams,  names  well  known 
Long  before  ancient  England  knew  her  own. 

I  3 


130   The   True  Born  Englishman.  \j^. 

But  England,  modern  to  the  last  degree 
Borrows  or  makes  her  own  Nobility  ; 
And  yet  she  boldly  boasts  of  pedigree ! 
Repines  that  foreigners  are  put  upon  her, 
And  talks  of  her  antiquity  and  honour  ! 

Her  S[ACKVIL]LES,    S[AVIJlES,  C[ECI]LS,  DELAfME]RES, 

M[ohu]ns  and  M[ontag]ues,  D[ura]s,  and  V[ee]res; 
Not  one  have  English  names,  yet  all  are  English  Peers  1 
Your  HouBLONS,  Papillons,  and  Lethuliers 
Pass  now  for  True  Born  English  Knights  and  Squires, 
And  make  good  Senate  Members,  or  Lord  Mayors, 
Wealth  (howsoever  got)  in  England,  makes 
Lords,  of  mechanics  !  Gentlemen,  of  rakes  ! 
Antiquity  and  Birth  are  needless  here. 
'Tis  Impudence  and  Money  make  a  P[ee]r! 


^/^ 


Innumerable  City  Knights  we  know, 
From  Bluecoat  Hospitals  and  Bridewell  flow ! 
Draymen  and  porters  fill  the  City  Chair  ; 
And  footboys,  Magisterial  purple  wear  ! 
Fate  has  but  very  small  distinction  set 
Betwixt  the  "Counter"  and  the  Coronet. 
Tarpaulin  L[or]ds,  Pages  of  high  renown. 
Rise  up  by  poor  men's  valour,  not  their  own  I 
Great  Families,  of  yesterday,  we  shew ; 
And  Lords,  whose  parents  were,  the  Lord  knows  who ! 


131 


PART     II. 

He  Breed  's  described.     Now,  Satyr,  if  you 
can, 

Their  Temper  shew!  for  "  manners  make 
the  man." 

Fierce  as  the  Britain,  as  the  Roman  brave  ; 

A.nd  less  inclined  to  conquer  than  to  save  : 

Eager  to  fight,  and  lavish  of  their  blood, 
And  equally  of  Fear  and  Forecast  void. 
The  Pict  has  made  them  sour,  the  Dane,  morose  ; 
False  from  the  Scot,  and  from  the  Norman  worse. 
What  honesty  they  have,  the  Saxons  gave  them  ; 
And  that,  now  they  grow  old,  begins  to  leave  them! 
The  climate  makes  them  terrible  and  bold, 
And  English  beef  their  courage  does  uphold  : 
No  danger  can  their  daring  spirit  pall, 
A  Iways  provided  that  their  belly  's  full. 


In  close  intrigues,  their  faculty  's  but  weak ; 
For  generally,  whate'er  they  know,  they  speak ; 
And  often  their  own  counsels  undermine 
By  mere  infirmity,  without  design : 
From  whence,  the  Learned  say,  it  does  proceed, 
That  English  treasons  never  can  succeed. 
For  they  're  so  open-hearted,  you  may  know 
Their  own  most  secret  thoughts,  and  others'  too. 


A 


132  The  True  Born  Englishman.  [Ji; 

The  Labouring  Poor,  in  spite  of  double  pay, 
Are  saucy,  mutinous,  and  beggarly. 
'       So  lavish  of  their  money  and  their  time, 

That  Want  of  Forecast  is  the  nation's  crime. 

Good  drunken  company  is  their  delight. 

And  what  they  get  by  day,  they  spend  by  night. 

Dull  Thinking  seldom  does  their  heads  engage ; 

But  drink  their  Youth  away,  and  hurry  on  old  Age. 

Empty  of  all  good  husbandry  and  sense, 

And  void  of  manners  most  when  void  of  pence  ; 

Their  strong  aversion  to  Behaviour  's  such, 

They  always  talk  too  little  or  too  much. 

So  dull,  they  never  take  the  pains  to  Think, 

And  seldom  are  good-natured  but  in  drink. 

In  English  Ale  their  dear  enjoyment  lies. 

For  which,  they  '11  starve  themselves  and  families  ! 

An  Englishmen  will  fairly  drink  as  much 

As  will  maintain  two  families  of  Dutch. 

Subjecting  all  their  labour  to  the  pots  ; 

The  greatest  artists  are  the  greatest  sots. 


The  Country  Poor  do,  by  example,  live  : 
The  Gentry  lead  them,  and  the  Clergy  drive. 
What  may  we  not,  from  such  examples  hope  ? 
The  landlord  is  their  God,  the  priest  their  Pope  ! 
A  drunken  Clergy,  and  a  swearing  Bench, 
Have  given  the  Reformation  such  a  drench. 
As  wise  men  think,  there  is  some  cause  to  doubt 
Will  purge  Good  Manners  and  Religion  out  1 


Nor  do  the  poor  alone  their  liquor  prize ; 
The  Sages  join  in  this  great  sacrifice  ! 
The  learned  men,  who  study  Aristotle, 
Correct  him  with  an  explanation  bottle  ; 


Defoe. 
1.  1701. 


fan^ijoi".]  The  True  B o r n  E n gl i s hma  n.  133 

1 
Praise  Epicurus  rather  than  Lysander, 
And  *Aristippus  more  than  Alexander.  aJnifard-s 

The  Doctors,  too,  their  Galen  here  resign,        clnary?"" 
And  generally  prescribe  specific  wine. 
The  Graduate's  study  's  grown  an  easier  task, 
While  for  the  urinal,  they  toss  the  flask.  ^    ^  -'\ 

The  Surgeon's  Art  grows  plainer  every  hour,  "      \/J^ 

And  wine 's  the  balm  which,  into  wounds  they  pour. 

Poets,  long  since,  Parnassus  have  forsaken, 
And  say  the  ancient  bards  were  all  mistaken. 
Apollo  's  lately  abdicate  and  fled. 
And  good  King  Bacchus  governs  in  his  stead. 
He  does  the  chaos  of  the  head  refine  ; 
And  Atom-Thoughts  jump  into  Words  by  wine. 
The  inspiration  's  of  a  finer  nature, 
As  wine  must  needs  excel  Parnassus  water. 

Statesmen,  their  weighty  politics  refine  ; 
And  soldiers  raise  their  courages,  by  wine. 
Cecilia  gives  her  choristers  their  choice. 
And  lets  them  all  drink  wine  to  clear  their  voice. 

Some  think  the  Clergy  first  found  out  the  way, 
And  wine  's  the  only  Spirit,  by  which  they  pray  : 
But  others,  less  profane  than  such,  agree 
It  clears  the  lungs,  and  helps  the  memory. 
And  therefore  all  of  them  Divinely  think, 
Instead  of  study,  'tis  as  well  to  drink. 

And  here  I  would  be  very  glad  to  know. 
Whether  our  Asgilites  may  drink  or  no  ? 
Th'  enlightened  fumes  of  wine  would  certainly 
Assist  them  much  when  they  begin  to  fly  : 
Or,  if  a  fiery  chariot  should  appear, 
Inflamed  by  wine,  they  'd  have  the  less  to  fear  I 


134   The  True  Born  Englishman.  [^^J 


Defoe. 
1701. 


Even  the  Gods  themselves,  as  mortals  say, 
Were  they  on  earth,  would  be  as  drunk  as  they. 
Nectar  w^ould  be  no  more  celestial  drink ; 
They  'd  all  take  wine,  to  teach  them  how  to  think. 
But  English  drunkards,  gods  and  men  outdo ! 
Drink  their  estates  away,  and  senses  too. 
Colon  's  in  debt,  and  if  his  friends  should  fail 
To  help  him  out,  must  die  at  last  in  gaol. 
His  wealthy  uncle  sent  a  hundred  nobles 
To  pay  his  trifles  off,  and  rid  him  of  his  troubles. 
But  Colon,  like  a  True  Born  Englishman,  \ 

Drank  all  the  money  out  in  bright  champagne  ;    I 
And  Colon  does  in  custody  remain.  ) 

Drunkenness  has  been  the  darling  of  the  realm, 
i     E'er  sTiice  a  drunken  Pilot*  had  the  helm.       > Charles ii.j 

In  their  Religion,  they  are  so  uneven, 

That  each  man  goes  his  own  by-way  to  heaven ; 

Tenacious  of  mistakes  to  that  degree, 

That  every  man  pursues  it  separately ; 

And  fancies  none  can  find  the  Way  but  he. 

So  shy  of  one  another  they  are  grown  ; 

As  if  they  strove  to  get  to  heaven  alone. 

Rigid  and  zealous,  positive  and  grave, 
I    And  every  grace  but  Charity,  they  have. 
I     This  makes  them  so  ill-natured  and  uncivil. 

That  all  men  think  an  Englishman  the  Devil. 


Surly  to  strangers,  froward  to  their  friend, 
Submit  to  Love  with  a  reluctant  mind ; 
Resolved  to  be  ungrateful  and  unkind. 
If,  by  necessity,  reduced  to  ask. 
The  Giver  has  the  difficultest  task : 
For  what  's  bestowed,  they  awkwardly  receive  ; 
And  always  take  less  freely_than  they  give. 


fs^nl^ifoi:]   The  True  B  o  r  n  E  ngl  i  s  h  ma  n.    135 

The  Obligation  is  their  highest  grief, 
And  never  love,  where  they  accept  relief. 
So  sullen  in  their  sorrows,  that  'tis  known 
They  '11  rather  die  than  their  afflictions  own : 
And  if  relieved,  it  is  too  often  true, 
That  they  '11  abuse  their  benefactors  too. 
For  in  distress,  their  haughty  stomach  's  such, 
They  hate  to  see  themselves  obliged  too  much. 
Seldom  contented,  often  in  the  wrong; 
Hard  to  be  pleased  at  all,  and  never  long./ 

If  your  mistakes,  their  ill  opinion  gain  ; 
No  merit  can  their  favour  re-obtain  ! 
And  if  they  're  not  vindictive  in  their  fury, 
'Tis  their  unconstant  temper  does  secure  ye ! 
Their  brain  's  so  cool,  their  passion  seldom  burns; 
For  all 's  condensed  before  the  flame  returns  : 
The  fermentation  's  of  so  weak  a  matter, 
The  humid  damps  the  fume,  and  runs  it  all  to  water. 
So  though  the  inclination  may  be  strong. 
They  're  pleased  by  fits,  and  never  angry  long. 

Then  if  Good  Nature  shews  some  slender  proof; 
They  never  think  they  have  reward  enough  : 
But  like  our  Modern  Quakers  of  the  Town, 
Expect  your  manners,  and  return  you  none.  1 

Friendship,  th'abstracted  Union  of  the  Mind, 
Which  all  men  seek,  but  very  few  can  find. 
Of  all  the  nations  in  the  universe 
None  talk  on  't  more,  or  understand  it  less  1 
For  if  it  does  their  Property  annoy ; 
Their  Property,  their  friendship  will  destroy  I         ■, 

As  you  discourse  them,  you  shall  hear  them  tell 
All  things  in  which  they  think  they  do  excel ; 


136   The  True  B  or n  E nglis h m a  n .  ("D.Defoe. 


Ljan.  1701. 


No  panegyric  needs  their  praise  record  : 

An  Englishman  ne'er  wants  his  own  good  word  ! 

His  long  discourses  generally  appear 
Prologued  with  his  own  wondrous  Character. 
But  first  t'  illustrate  his  own  good  name,,  • 

He  never  fails  his  neighbour  to  defame  !  ; 
And  yet  he  really  designs  no  wrong  :        ; 
His  mahce  goes  no  further  than  his  tongue. 
But  pleased  to  tattle,  he  delights  to  rail, 
To  satisfy  the  lechery  of  a  tale. 

His  own  dear  praises  close  the  ample  speech  ; 
Tells  you,  how  wise  he  is,  that  is,  how  rich ! 
For  Wealth  is  Wisdom  !    He  that's  rich  is  wise  ! 
And  all  men  learned,  poverty  despise! 
His  generosity  comes  next.     And  then, 
Concludes  that  he  's  a  True  Born  Englishman ! 
And  they,  'tis  known,  are  generous  and  free. 
Forgetting,  and  forgiving  injury. 
Which  may  be  true,  thus  rightly  understood, 
"  Forgiving  ill  turns,  and  forgetting  good." 

Cheerful  in  labour,  when  they  have  undertook  it ; 
But  out  of  humour,  when  they  're  out  of  pocket. 
But  if  their  belly,  and  their  pocket 's  full. 
They  may  be  phlegmatic,  but  never  dull. 
And  if  a  bottle  does  their  brain  refine. 
It  makes  their  Wit  as  sparkling  as  their  wine. 

As  for  the  general  vices  which  we  find 
They  're  guilty  of,  in  common  with  mankind, 
Satyr,  forbear  !  and  silently  endure  ! 
We  must  conceal  the  crimes  we  cannot  cure. 

Nor  shall  my  Verse,  the  brighter  sex  defame, 
For  English  Beauty  will  preserve  her  name  ! 
Beyond  dispute,  agreeable  and  fair, 


f^tS  The   True  Born  Englishman.    137  ) 

And  modester  than  other  nations  are.  ,•■)  q..^a 

For  when  the  vice  prevails,  the  great  temptation        >, 

Is  want  of  money  more  than  incHnation. 

In  general,  this  only  is  allowed: 

They  're  something  noisy,  and  a  little  proud. 

An  Englishman  is  gentlest  in  command  ; 
Obedience  is  a  stranger  in  the  land  : 
Hardly  subjected  to  the  Magistrate, 
For  Englishmen  do  all  subjection  hate. 
Humblest  when  rich,  but  peevish  when  they  're  poor 
And  think  whate'er  they  have,  they  merit  more. 

The  meanest  English  plowman  studies  law, 
And  keeps  thereby  the  Magistrates  in  awe ; 
Will  boldly  tell  them,  what  they  ought  to  do, 
And  sometimes  punish  their  omission  too. 

Their  Liberty  and  Property  's  so  dear  ; 
They  scorn  their  Laws  or  Governors  to  fear ! 
So  bugbeared  with  the  name  of  Slavery, 
They  can't  submit  to  their  own  liberty  ! 
Restraint  from  111  is  freedom  to  the  wise, 
But  Englishmen  do  all  restraint  despise! 
Slaves  to  the  liquor,  drudges  to  the  pots  ; 
The  mob  are  Statesmen,  and  their  Statesmen  sots.     ' 


Their  Governors,  they  count  such  dangerous  things,  ^-^  •- 

That  'tis  their  custom  to  affront  their  Kings.  '"    '       i'-j^ 

So  jealous  of  the  Power  their  Kings  possessed, 
They  suffered  neither  Power  nor  Kings  to  rest : 
The  bad,  with  force,  they  eagerly  subdue  ; 
The  good,  with  constant  clamours  they  pursue. 
And  did  King  Jesus  reign,  they'd  murmur  too  ! 
A  discontented  nation,  and  by  far 


i.'^S  The   True  B  or  n  E  n  gli  s  hma  n.  \j^^f°^^. 

Harder  to  rule  in  times  of  peace  than  war. 

Easily  set  together  by  the  ears, 

And  full  of  careless  jealousies  and  fears  ; 

Apt  to  revolt,  and  willing  to  rebel, 

And  never  are  contented  when  they're  well.      | 

No  Government  could  ever  please  them  long,  / 

Could  tie  their  hands,  or  rectify  their  tongue  ! 

In  this,  to  ancient  Israel  well  compared. 

Eternal  murmurs  are  among  them  heard. 

It  was  but  lately,  that  they  were  oppressed, 
Their  Rights  invaded,  and  their  Laws  suppressed ; 
When,  nicely  tender  of  their  liberty, 
Lord  !  what  a  noise  they  made  of  Slavery  ! 
In  daily  tumults  shewed  their  discontent. 
Lampooned  their  King,  and  mocked  his  Government ; 
And  if  in  arms  they  did  not  first  appear, 
'Twas  want  of  force,  and  not  for  want  of  fear. 
In  humbler  tones  than  English  used  to  do. 
At  foreign  hands,  for  foreign  aid  they  sue  ! 

William,  the  great  Successor  of  Nassau, 
Their  prayers  heard,  and  their  oppressions  saw ; 
He  saw  and  saved  them  !     GOD  and  him,  they  praised  ; 
To  this,  their  thanks  ;  to  that,  their  trophies  raised. 
But  glutted  with  their  own  felicities. 
They  soon  their  new  Deliverer  despise ! 
Say  all  their  prayers  back  !  their  joy  disown  ! 
Unsing  their  thanks  !  and  pull  their  trophies  down  ! 
Their  harps  of  praise  are  on  the  willows  hung, 
For  Englishmen  are  ne'er  contented  long. 

The  Reverend  Clergy  too  (and  who'd  ha'  thought 
That  they,  who  had  such  Non-Resistance  taught, 
Should  e'er  to  arms  against  their  Prince  be  brought  I 
Who  up  to  heaven  did  Regal  Power  advance, 


?^^if^;]  The   True  B  o  r  n  E  n  g  lis  hma  n.   139 

Subjecting  English  Laws  to  Modes  of  France, 

Twisting  Religion  so  with  Loyalty,  /l  y.  '  **' 

As  one  could  never  live,  and  t'other  die :)       /)  ^/^        tJ*^    ._ 

And  yet,  no  sooner  did  their  Prince  design     ^         ;      •  * 

Their  glebes  and  perquisites  to  undermine  ; 

But  (all  their  Passive  Doctrines  laid  aside) 

The  Clergy,  their  own  principles  denied  ! 

Unpreached  their  Non-Resisting  cant,  and  prayed 

To  heaven,  for  help  ;  and  to  the  Dutch,  for  aid  I 

The  Church  chimed  all  their  doctrines  back  again ! 

And  Pulpit  Champions  did  the  Cause  maintain  1 

Flew  in  the  face  of  all  their  former  zeal, 

And  Non-Resistance  did  at  once  repeal  I 

The  Rabbis  say,  "It  would  be  too  prolix 
To  tie  Religion  up  to  Politics  ! 
The  Church's  safety  is  suprema  lex." 
And  so,  by  a  new  Figure  of  their  own, 
Their  former  doctrines  all  at  once  disown : 
As  Isiws  post  facto,  in  the  Parliament, 
In  urgent  cases  have  obtained  assent ; 
But  are  as  dangerous  precedents  laid  by, 
Made  lawful  only  by  necessity. 

The  Reverend  Fathers  then  in  arms  appear, 
And  Men  of  GOD  become  the  Men  of  War  ! 
The  nation,  fired  by  them,  to  arms  apply  1 
Assault  their  Antichristian  Monarchy  ! 
To  their  due  channel,  all  our  laws  restore  ; 
And  made  things  what  they  should  have  been  before. 
But  when  they  came  to  fill  the  Vacant  Throne, 
And  the  pale  Priests  looked  back  on  what  they  'd  done ; 
How  English  Liberty  began  to  thrive, 
And  Church  of  England  Loyalty  outlive  ! 
How  all  their  persecuting  days  were  done, 
And  their  Deliverer  placed  upon  the  throne  1 


140  The  True  Born  Englishman,  [j^- 


Defoe, 
an.  1 701. 


The  Priests,  as  Priests  are  wont  to  do,  turned  tail ! 

They  're  Englishmen  !  and  Nature  will  prevail. 

Now,  they  deplore  the  ruins  they  have  made, 

And  murmur  for  the  Master  they  betrayed. 

Excuse  those  crimes,  they  could  not  make  him  mend  ; 

And  suffer  for  the  Cause  they  can't  defend. 

Pretend  they  'd  not  have  carried  things  so  high, 

And  Proto-martyrs  make  for  Popery. 

"  Had  the  Prince  done,"  as  they  designed  the  thing, 

"  Had  set  the  Clergy  up,  to  rule  the  King  ; 

Taken  a  donative  for  coming  hither. 

And  so  had  left  their  King  and  them  together  : 

We  had,"  say  they,  "  been  now  a  happy  nation  !  " 

No  doubt,  we  'd  seen  a  blessed  Reformation  ! 

For  wise  men  say,  *'  'Tis  as  dangerous  a  thing, 

A  Ruling  Priesthood  as  a  Priest-rid  King ! " 

And  of  all  plagues,  with  which  mankind  are  curst. 

Ecclesiastic  Tyranny  's  the  worst. 

If  all  our  former  grievances  were  feigned  ; 
King  James  has  been  abused  1  and  we  trepanned  1 
Bugbeared  with  Popery  and  Power  Despotic  1 
Tyrannic  Government  !  and  Leagues  exotic  ! 
The  Revolution  's  a  "  Fanatic  "  Plot  ! 
W[illiam],  a  tyrant,  and  K[ing]  J[ames]  was  not  ! 
A  factious  army  and  a  poisoned  nation 
Unjustly  forced  King  James's  Abdication  1 

But  if  he  did,  the  subjects'  rights  invade; 
Then  he  was  punished  only,  not  betrayed  ! 
And  punishing  of  Kings  is  no  such  crime. 
But  Englishmen  have  done  it,  many  a  time ! 

When  Kings,  the  Sword  of  Justice  first  lay  down  ; 
They  are  no  Kings,  though  they  possess  the  Crown  1 
Titles  are  shadows !  Crowns  are  empty  things  ! 


f^'^'itoiG  The  True  B  o  rn  E  n  gl  i  sh  m  a  n.  141 

The  Good  of  Subjects  is  the  End  of  Kings! 

To  guide  in  war,  and  to  protect  in  peace. 

Where  Tyrants  once  commence,  the  Kings  do  cease  ! 

For  Arbitrary  Power  's  so  strange  a  thing,  ^ 

It  makes  the  Tyrant,  and  unmakes  the  King. 

If  Kings  by  foreign  priests  and  armies  reign, 

And  Lawless  Power,  against  their  oaths  maintain. 

Then  subjects  must  have  reason  to  complain. 

If  oaths  must  bind  us,  when  our  Kings  do  ill; 

To  call  in  foreign  aid  is  to  rebel  1 

By  force  to  circumscribe  our  lawful  Prince, 

Is  wilful  treason  in  the  largest  sense  ! 

And  they  who  once  rebel,  most  certainly, 

Their  GOD,  their  King,  and  former  oaths  defy ! 

If  we  allow  no  maladministration 

Could  cancel  the  allegiance  of  the  nation  ; 

Let  all  our  learned  Sons  of  Levi  try 

This  Ecclesiastic  riddle  to  untie  ! 

How  they  could  make  a  step  to  call  the  Prince, 

And  yet  pretend  to  Oaths  and  innocence  ? 

By  the  first  Address,  they  made  beyond  the  sea, 
They  're  perjured  in  the  most  intense  degree  ! 
And  without  scruple,  for  the  time  to  come, 
May  swear  to  all  the  Kings  in  Christendom  1 
And,  truly,  did  our  Kings  consider  all. 
They  'd  never  let  the  Clergy  swear  at  all  ! 
Their  politic  allegiance  they  'd  refuse  ! 
For  whores  and  Priests  will  never  want  excuse. 

But  if  the  "  Mutual  Contract  "  was  dissolved, 
The  doubt  's  explained,  the  difficulty  solved. 
That  Kings  when  they  descend  to  tyranny, 
Dissolve  the  Bond,  and  leave  the  subject  free  ! 
The  Government  's  ungirt !  when  Justice  dies  ; 


142  The   True  Born  Englishman,  [j^-^^f^^"'; 

And  Constitutions  are  nonentities. 
The  nation  's  all  a  mob !     There  's  no  such  thing 
As  Lords  or  Commons,  Parliament  or  King ! 
A  great  promiscuous  crowd,  the  Hydra  lies, 
Till  Laws  revive,  and  Mutual  Contract  ties. 


A  Chaos  free  to  choose,  for  their  own  share, 
What  Case  of  Government  they  please  to  wear. 
If  to  a  King,  they  do  the  reins  commit. 
All  men  are  bound  in  conscience  to  submit ; 
But  then  that  King  must,  by  his  oath,  assent 
To  Postulatas  of  the  Government : 
Which  if  he  breaks,  he  cuts  off  the  entail. 
And  Power  retreats  to  its  Original. 

This  Doctrine  has  the  sanction  of  assent, 
From  Nature's  universal  Parliament; 
The  Voice  of  Nations  and  the  Course  of  Things 
Allow  that  Laws  superior  are  to  Kings. 
None  but  delinquents  would  have  Justice  cease, 
Knaves  rail  at  Laws,  as  soldiers  rail  at  peace  ! 
For  Justice  is  the  End^olijijyernment, 
As  Reason  isTHe'Test  of  Argument. 

No  man  was  ever  yet  so  void  of  sense 
As  to  debate  the  Right  of  Self-Defence  : 
A  principle  so  grafted  in  the  mind. 
With  Nature  born,  and  does  like  Nature  bind. 
Twisted  with  Reason,  and  with  Nature  too, 
As  neither  one,  nor  t'other  can  undo. 

Nor  can  this  Right  be  less,  when  national  ? 
Reasons  which  govern  one,  should  govern  all. 
Whate'er  the  dialect  of  Courts  may  tell, 
He  that  his  Right  demands,  can  ne'er  rebel ! 


?an°itoi:]  The   True  Born  Englishman.    143 

Which  Right,  if  'tis  by  Governors  denied,  ^ 

May  be  procured  by  force,  or  foreign  aid. 
For  "  Tyranny !  "  's  a  nation's  Term  of  Grief; 
As  folks  cry  "Fire  !  "  to  hasten  in  relief: 
And  when  the  hated  word  is  heard  about, 
All  men  should  come  to  help  the  people  out. 


Thus  England  cried.     Britannia's  voice  was  heard, 
And  great  Nassau  to  rescue  her  appeared.  y   ^      ^^. 

Called  by  the  universal  voice  of  Fate,  /  { %)*^  { 

GOD's  and  the  People's  Legal  Magistrate. 

Ye  Heavens,  regard  !  Almighty  Jove,  look  down 
And  view  thy  injured  Monarch  on  the  throne  ! 
On  their  ungrateful  hands  the  vengeance  take, 
Who  sought  his  Aid,  and  then  his  Side  forsake !        -^  j-  ,  . 
Witness,  ye  Powers  !  It  was  our  Call  alone,  ^{ 

Which  now  our  Pride  makes  us  ashamed  to  own  '. 
Britannia's  troubles  fetched  him  from  afar, 
To  court  the  dreadful  casualties  of  war : 
But  where  requital  never  can  be  made. 
Acknowledgment  's  a  tribute  seldom  paid  ! 


P> 


He  dwelt  in  bright  Maria's  circling  arms, 
Defended  by  the  magic  of  her  charms 
From  foreign  fears,  and  from  domestic  harms. 
Ambition  found  no  fuel  for  her  fire  ; 
He  had  what  GOD  could  give,  or  man  desire. 
Till  Pity  roused  him  from  his  soft  repose, 
His  life  to  unseen  hazards  to  expose. 
Till  Pity  moved  him  in  our  Cause  t'appear. 
Pity,  that  word  which  now  we  hate  to  hear ! 


But  English  Gratitude  is  always  such,  ^  '^^^^  "''        /C 


To  hate  the  hand  which  does  oblige  too  much. 


V 


/    144 )  The  Tr ue  Born  E nglis hma n.    [^j^'Joi: 

V_^-^      Britannia's  cries  gave  birth  to  his  intent, 
And  hardly  gained  his  unforeseen  assent ; 
A  .  ^       His  boding  thoughts  foretold  him,  he  should  find 
r\j    'i\    .  T|ie  people  fickle,  selfish,  and  unkind  : 
/    ,^r  "^hich  thought  did  to  his  royal  heart  appear 

\  More  dreadful  than  the  dangers  of  the  war; 

For  nothing  grates  a  generous  mind  so  soon, 
As  base  returns  for  hearty  service  done. 

Satyr,  be  silent  !  awfully  prepare 
Britannia's  Song  and  William's  praise  to  hear  ! 
Stand  by,  and  let  her  cheerfully  rehearse 
Her  grateful  vows  in  her  immortal  verse  ! 
Loud  Fame's  eternal  trumpet,  let  her  sound  ! 
Listen,  ye  distant  poles,  and  endless  round  ! 
May  the  strong  blast  the  welcome  news  convey 
As  far  as  sound  can  reach,  or  spirit  can  fly  ! 
To  neighbouring  worlds,  if  such  there  be,  relate 
Our  Hero's  fame,  for  theirs  to  imitate  ! 
To  distant  worlds  of  spirits,  let  her  rehearse  ! 
For  spirits,  without  the  help  of  voice  converse. 
May  angels  hear  the  gladsome  news  on  high, 
Mix  with  their  everlasting  symphony  ! 
And  hell  itself  stand  in  suspense,  to  know 
Whether  it  be  the  Fatal  Blast  or  no  ? 


BRITANNIA  . 

He  Fame  of  Virtue  'tis,  for  which  I  sound  ; 
A  nd  Heroes,  with  immortal  Triumphs  crowned  ! 
Fame  built  on  solid  Virtue,  swifter  flies 
Than  morning  light  can  spread  my  Eastern  skies  I 
The  gathering  air  returns  the  doubling  sound. 
And  loud  repeating  thunders  force  it  round  ! 


fan^iloi".]    The  True  Born  Englishman.     145 

Echoes  return  from  caverns  of  the  deep  : 

Old  Chaos  dreams  on  't  in  eternal  sleep  ! 

Time  hands  it  forward  to  its  latest  urn  ; 

From  whence  it  never,  never  shall  return  ! 

Nothing  is  heard  so  far,  or  lasts  so  long  ; 

'Tis  heard  by  every  ear,  and  spoke  by  every  tongue  ! 

My  Hero,  with  the  sails  of  honour  furled, 
Rises  like  the  Great  Genius  of  the  world. 
By  Fate  and  Fame  wisely  prepared  to  be 
The  Soul  of  War,  and  Life  of  Victory. 
He  spreads  the  Wings  of  Virtue  on  the  throne. 
And  every  Wind  of  Glory  fans  them  on. 
Immortal  trophies  dwell  upon  his  brow, 


By  different  steps,  the  high  ascent  he  gains  ; 
And  differently  that  high  ascent  maintains. 
Princes  for  Pride  and  Lust  of  Rule  make  war, 
And  struggle  for  the  name  of  Conqueror. 
Some  fight  for  Fame,  and  some  for  Victory  ; 
He  fights  to  save,  and  conquers  to  set  free. 

Then  seek  no  phrase,  his  titles  to  conceal; 
And  hide  with  words,  what  actions  must  reveal  I' 
No  parallel  from  Hebrew  stories  take  ! 
Of  Godlike  Kings,  my  similies  to  make. 
No  borrowed  names  conceal  my  living  theme, 
But  names  and  things  directly  I  proclaim  ! 
His  honest  Merit  does  his  glory  raise  : 
Whom  that  exalts,  let  no  man  fear  to  praise  f 
K 


146     The  True  B orn  E nglishman.    [g 

"^   /      Of  stick  a  subject  no  man  need  he  shy; 
Virtue  's  above  the  reach  of  flattery. 
He  needs  no  character  but  his  own  famet 
Nor  any  flattering  titles  but  his  name. 
William  's  the  name  that  's  spoke  by  ev'ry  tongue  ; 
William  '5  the  darling  subject  of  my  Song ! 
Listen,  ye  virgins,  to  the  charming  sotmd, 
And  in  eternal  dances  hand  it  round  ! 
Your  early  offerings  to  this  altar  bring, 
Make  him  at  once  a  lover  and  a  King  ! 
May  he  stibmit  to  none,  but  to  your  arms  ; 
Nor  ever  be  subdued  but  by  your  charms ! 
May  your  soft  thought  for  him  be  all  sublime, 
A  nd  every  tender  vow  be  made  for  him  ! 
May  he  be  first  in  every  morning  thought, 
And  Heaven  ne'er  hear  a  prayer,  where  he  's  left  out  I 
May  every  omen,  every  boding  dream 
Be  fortunate,  by  mentioning  his  name  ! 
May  this  one  charm,  infernal  powers  affright, 
A  nd  guard  you  from  the  terrors  of  the  night ! 
May  every  cheer  fid  glass,  as  it  goes  down 
To  William's  health,  be  cordial  to  your  own  ! 

Let  every  Song  be  chorused  with  his  name, 
A  nd  Music  pay  her  tribute  to  his  fame  ! 
Let  every  poet  tune  his  artful  verse  ; 
And  in  immortal  strains  his  deeds  rehearse! 
And  may  APOLLO  never  more  inspire 
The  disobedient  bard  with  his  seraphic  fire  ! 
May  all  my  sons  their  grateful  homage  pay  ! 
His  praises  sing,  and  for  his  safety  pray  I 


Defoe, 
an.  1701. 


D.  Defoe."] 
Jan.  1701  J 


The  True  B orn  E nglis hman.    147 


Satyr,  return  to  our  unthankful  isle, 
Secured  by  Heaven's  regard,  and  William's  toil  1 
To  both  ungrateful,  and  to  both  untrue ; 
Rebels  to  GOD,  and  to  Good  Nature  too  1 


If  e'er  this  Nation  be  distressed  again  ; 
To  whomsoe'er  they  cry,  they'll  cry  in  vain  ! 
To  Heaven,  they  cannot  have  the  face  to  look, 
Or  if  they  should,  it  would  but  Heaven  provoke ! 
To  hope  for  help  from  Man  would  be  too  much  ; 
Mankind  would  always  tell  them  of  the  Dutch  ! 
How  they  came  here  our  freedoms  to  maintain  ; 
Were  paid  !  and  cursed  !  and  hurried  home  again  ! 
How  by  their  aid,  we  first  dissolved  our  fears  ; 
And  then  our  helpers  damned  for  "  Foreigners  !  " 
'Tis  not  our  English  temper  to  do  better  ! 
For  Englishmen  think  every  man  their  debtor. 


'Tis  worth  observing,  that  we  ne'er  complained    .     . 
Of  Foreigners,  nor  of  the  wealth  they  gained ;        ^M<>j^- 
Till  all  their  services  were  at  an  end  ! 
Wise  men  affirm,  "  It  is  the  English  way, 
Never  to  grumble  till  they  come  to  pay ; 
And  then,  they  always  think,  their  temper's  such, 
The  work 's  too  little,  and  the  pay  too  much  !  " 


.^0 


*c 


As  frighted  patients,  when  they  want  a  cure, 
/Bid  any  price,  and  any  pain  endure  ! 
But  when  the  doctor's  remedies  appear; 
The  cure's  too  easy,  and  the  price  too  dear! 

Great  Portland  ne'er  was  bantered  when  he  strove         "x*^,^ 
For  Us,  his  Master's  kindest  thoughts  to  move  !       ?    '^*'*'^"  g 
We  ne'er  lampooned  his  conduct  when  employed,  '  '^-'  '  '  ■ 
King  James's  secret  counsels  to  divide  1 


[48    The  T rue  B orn  E nglishman.    [J 


Defoe, 
an.  1 701. 


Then,  we  caressed  him  as  the  only  Man 

Which  could  the  doubtful  Oracle  explain  I 

The  only  Hushai  able  to  repel 

The  dark  designs  of  our  Achitophel  ! 

Compared  his  Master's  courage,  to  his  Sense ; 

The  ablest  Statesman,  and  the  bravest  Prince  ! 

Ten  years  in  English  service  he  appeared, 

And  gained  his  Master's  and  the  World's  regard  : 

But  'tis  not  England's  custom  to  reward  ! 

The  wars  are  over.     England  needs  him  not ! 

Now  he  's  a  Dutchman,  and  the  Lord  knows  what  1 


ScHOMBERG,  the  ablest  soldier  of  his  Age, 
With  great  Nassau  did  in  our  cause  engage  : 
Both  joined  for  England's  rescue  and  defence, 
The  greatest  Captain  and  the  greatest  Prince  ! 
With  what  applause,  his  stories  did  we  tell ! 
Stories  which  Europe's  volumes  largely  swell. 
We  counted  him  an  Army  in  our  aid ; 
Where  he  commanded,  no  man  was  afraid  ! 
His  actions  with  a  constant  Conquest  shine. 
From  Villa  Vitiosa  to  the  Rhine  ! 
France,  Flanders,  Germany,  his  fame  confess; 
And  all  the  World  was  fond  of  him,  but  Us ! 
Our  turn  first  served,  we  grudged  him  the  command 
Witness  the  grateful  temper  of  the  land  ! 

We  blame  the  K[ing]  that  he  relies  too  much 
On  strangers,  Germans,  Huguenots,  and  Dutch; 
And  seldom  would  his  great  Affairs  of  State 
To  English  Councillors  communicate. 
The  fact  might  very  well  be  answered  thus. 
He  has  so  often  been  betrayed  by  us, 
He  must  have  been  a  madman  to  rely 
On  English  Gentlemen's  fidelity  ! 


f^^'itoi:]    The  T  rue  B  orn  E  ngl  is  hman.   149 

For  laying  other  arguments  aside  ; 

This  thought  might  mortify  our  English  pride, 
/    That  Foreigners  have  faithfully  obeyed  him  ! 
/     And  none  but  English  have  e'er  betrayed  him. 

They  have  our  ships  and  merchants  bought  and  sold, 

And  bartered  English  blood  for  foreign  gold ! 

First,  to  the  French,  they  sold  the  Turkey  Fleet ; 

And  injured  Talmarsh  next,  at  Camaret ! 

The  King  himself  is  sheltered  for  their  snares, 

Not  by  his  merit,  but  the  crown  he  wears. 

Experience  tell  us,  'tis  the  English  way, 

Their  benefactors  always  to  betray  1 


And  lest  examples  should  be  too  remote, 
A  modern  Magistrate,  of  famous  note. 
Shall  give  you  his  own  history,  by  rote. 
I'll  make  it  out,  deny  it  he  that  can  ! 
His  Worship  is  a  True  Born  Englishman, 
In  all  the  latitude  that  empty  word 
By  modern  acceptation  *s  understood. 
The  Parish  Books,  his  great  descent  record ; 
And  now,  he  hopes  ere  long  to  be  a  Lord  ! 
And  truly,  as  things  go,  it  would  be  pity 
But  such  as  he,  should  represent  the  City  ! 
While  robbery,  for  burnt  offering  he  brings ; 
And  gives  to  GOD,  what  he  has  stolen  from  Kings. 
Great  monuments  of  charity  he  raises. 
And  good  St.  Magnus  whistles  out  his  praises. 
To  City  gaols,  he  grants  a  Jubilee, 
And  hires  "  Huzzas  "  from  his  own  mobile. 


Lately  he  wore  the  Golden  Chain,  and  Gown ; 
With  which  equipped,  he  thus  harangued  the  Town, 


150    The  True  B orn  E nglis  11  ma n .    K„^f;^l 

His  fine  speech,  &€. 

"  With  clouted  iron  shoes,  and  sheepskin  breeches, 
More  rags  than  manners,  and  more  dirt  than  riches; 
From  driving  cows  and  calves  to  Leyton  Market, 
While  of  my  greatness,  there  appeared  no  spark  yet  : 
Behold  I  come  !  to  let  you  see  the  pride 
With  which  exalted  beggars  always  ride ! 

"  Born  to  the  needful  labours  of  the  plough  ; 
The  cart  whip  graced  me,  as  the  chain  does  now  ! 
Nature  and  Fate,  in  doubt  what  course  to  take. 
Whether  I  should  a  Lord  or  ploughboy  make, 
Kindly  at  last  resolved,  they  would  promote  me. 
And  first  a  Knave,  and  then  a  Knight  they  vote  me. 
What  Fate  appointed,  Nature  did  prepare  ; 
And  furnished  me,  with  an  exceeding  care 
To  fit  me,  for  what  they  designed  to  have  me  : 
And  every  gift  but  Honesty,  they  gave  me. 

"  And  thus  equipped,  to  this  proud  town  I  came, 
In  quest  of  bread,  and  not  in  quest  of  fame  : 
Blind  to  my  future  Fate,  a  humble  boy ; 
Free  from  the  guilt  and  glory  I  enjoy. 
The  hopes  which  my  ambition  entertained, 
Were  in  the  name  of  Foot  Boy  all  contained. 
The  greatest  heights  from  small  beginnings  rise : 
The  gods  were  great  on  earth,  before  they  reached  the  skies. 


"  B[ack]well  (the  generous  temper  of  whose  mind 
Was  always  to  be  bountiful  inclined). 
Whether  by  his  ill  fate  or  fancy  led. 
First  took  me  up,  and  furnish  me  with  bread. 


fanl'iloi:]    The  True  B  orn  E  nglis  hma  n.  /  i  5  i 

The  little  services,  he  put  me  to, 

Seemed  labours  rather  than  they  were  truly  so ; 

But  always  my  advancement  he  designed, 

For  'twas  his  very  nature  to  be  kind. 

Large  was  his  soul,  his  temper  ever  free, 

The  best  of  masters  and  of  men  to  me. 

And  I  (who  was  before  decreed  by  Fate, 

To  be  made  infamous  as  well  as  great), 

With  an  obsequious  diligence  obeyed  him, 

Till  trusted  with  his  All ;  and  then  betrayed  him  ! 

"All  his  past  kindness,  I  trampled  on; 
Ruined  his  fortunes,  to  erect  my  own  ! 
So  vipers  in  the  bosom  bred,  begin 
To  hiss  at  that  hand  first  which  took  them  in. 
With  eager  treachery,  I  his  fall  pursued, 
And  my  first  Trophies  were  Ingratitude. 

**  Ingratitude,  the  worst  of  human  guilt. 
The  basest  action  mankind  can  commit  ! 
Which  (like  the  sin  against  the  HOLY  GHOST) 
Has  least  of  honour,  and  of  guilt  the  most.     ^ 
Distinguished  from  all  other  crimes  by  this, 
That  'tis  a  crime  which  no  man  will  confess ! 
That  sin  alone,  which  should  not  be  forgiven 
On  earth,  although  perhaps  it  may  in  heaven. 

*'  Thus  my  first  benefactor  I  o'erthrew ; 
And  how  should  I  be,  to  a  second  true  ? 
The  Public  Trust  came  next  into  my  care, 
And  I  to  use  them  scurvily  prepare  ; 
My  needy  Sovereign  Lord  I  played  upon, 
And  lent  him  many  of  thousand  of  his  own  : 
For  which  great  interests  I  took  care  to  charge, 
And  so  my  ill-got  wealth  become  so  large  ! 


P — ^ 

1 1;  I         I 


e 


The  T rue  B or n  E nglishman.    [ji^i^'J^ 


My  predecessor,  Judas,  was  a  fool, 
Fitter  to  have  been  whipt  and  sent  to  school, 
Than  sell  a  Saviour !  Had  I  been  at  hand, 
His  Master  had  been  so  cheap  trapanned  ! 
I  would  ha'  made  the  eager  Jews  ha'  found. 
For  Thirty  pieces,  Thirty  Thousand  pound  ! 

"  My  cousin  Ziba,  of  immortal  fame 
(ZiBA  and  I  shall  never  want  a  name  !), 
First  Born  of  treason,  nobly  did  advance 
His  Master's  fall,  for  his  inheritance. 
By  whose  keen  arts,  old  David  first  began 
To  break  his  sacred  oath  to  Jonathan. 
The  good  old  King  'tis  thought  was  very  loth 
To  break  his  Word,  and  therefore  broke  his  Oath ! 
Ziba  's  a  traitor  of  some  Quality  ; 
Yet  Ziba  might  ha'  been  informed  by  me  ! 
Had  I  been  there,  he  ne'er  had  been  content 
With  half  the  estate,  nor  half  the  Government ! 

"  In  our  late  Revolution,  'twas  thought  strange. 
That  I,  of  all  mankind,  should  like  the  change ! 
But  they  who  wondered  at  it,  never  knew 
That,  in  it,  I  did  my  old  game  pursue  ; 
Nor  had  they  heard  of  Twenty  thousand  Pound, 
Which  ne'er  was  lost,  yet  never  could  be  found  ! 

**  Thus  all  things  in  their  turn,  to  sale  I  bring, 
GOD  and  my  Master  first ;  and  then  the  King  1 
Till  by  successful  villainies  made  bold, 
I  thought  to  turn  the  nation  into  gold  : ' 
And  so  to  forg[er]y  my  hand  I  bent, 
Not  doubting  I  could  gull  the  Government : 
But  that  was  ruffled  by  the  Parliament ! 
And  if  I  'scaped  the  unhappy  tree  to  climb, 
'Twas  want  of  Law,  and  not  for  want  of  Crime. 


y 


?an°r5oi.]    The  True  Born  Englishman. 


"  By  my  *  Old  Friend,  who  printed  in  my  face  »TheDevii. 
A  needful  competence  of  English  brass, 
Having  more  business  yet  for  me  to  do, 
And  loth  to  lose  his  trusty  servant  so, 
Managed  the  matter  with  such  art  and  skill, 
As  saved  his  hero,  and  threw  out  the  b[i]ll. 


"  And  now,  I  am  graced  with  unexpected  honours ; 
For  which,  I'll  certainly  abuse  the  donors  ! 
Knighted,  and  made  a  Tribune  of  the  people, 
Whose  Laws  and  properties  I'm  like  to  keep  well  I  , 

The  Ctisios  Rotidonim  of  the  City  .-s'''    i^ 

And  Captain  of  the  Guards  of  their  banditti.  '        \^ 

Surrounded  by  my  Catchpoles,  I  declare  lYlj 

Against  the  needy  debtor,  open  war.  /  V 

I  hang  poor  thieves  for  stealing  of  your  pelf; '      ^    \j^ 
And  suffemone  to  rob  you,-  but  myself ! 


"  The  King  commanded  me  to  help  reform  ye ! 
And  how  I'll  do  it,  Miss  shall  inform  ye ! 
I  keep  the  best  Seraglio  in  the  nation. 
And  hope  in  time  to  bring  it  into  fashion. 
Am  not  I  a  Magistrate  for  Reformation  ! 

For  this  my  praise  is  sung  by  every  bard, 
For  which  Bridewell  would  be  a  just  reward  ! 
In  print  my  panegyrics  fill  the  street. 
And  hired  gaol-birds,  their  huzzas  repeat. 
Some  charity  's  contrived  to  make  a  shew  : 
Have  taught  the  needy  rabble  to  do  so  ! 
Whose  empty  noise  is  a  mechanic  fame, 
Since  for  Sir  Beelzebub,  they  'd  do  the  same !  " 


154     The  True  Born  E nglish ma N.\j^^f°^^ 


The  Conclusion. 


Hen  let  us  boast  of  ancestors  no  more  ! 

Or  deeds  of  heroes  done  in  days  of  yore  ; 

In  latent  records  of  the  Ages  past, 

Behind  the  rear  of  Time,  in  long  Oblivion 
placed ! 

For  if  our  Virtues  must  in  lines  descend, 
The  merit  with  the  families  would  end  ; 
And  intermixtures  would  most  fatal  grow, 
For  Vice  would  be  hereditary  too ! 
The  tainted  blood  would  of  necessity. 
In  voluntary  wickedness  convey  ! 

Vice,  like  ill-nature,  for  an  Age  or  two, 
May  seem  a  generation  to  pursue  : 
But  Virtue  seldom  does  regard  the  breed, 
Fools  do  the  Wise,  and  wise  men  Fools  succeed. 
What  is  it  to  us,  what  ancestors  we  had  ? 
If  good,  what  better  ?  or  what  worse,  if  bad  ? 
Examples  are  for  imitation  set, 
Yet  all  men  follow  Virtue  with  regret  I 

Could  but  our  ancestors  retrieve  their  fate, 
And  see  their  offspring  thus  degenerate  ; 
How  we  contend  for  birth  and  names  unknown, 
And  build  on  their  past  actions,  not  our  own  : 
They  'd  cancel  records,  and  their  tombs  deface. 
And  openly  disown  the  vile  degenerate  race  ! 
\    For  fame  of  Families  is  all  a  cheat ! 
'Tis  Personal  Virtue  only  makes  us  great  ! 


z  .  > 


V:  W  V 


THE 

HISTORY 


OF     THE 


Kentish 
PETITION 


LONDON,  Printed  In  the  Year,    1701, 


157 
THE    PREFACE. 

IWOULD  be  hard  to  suspect  him  of  errors  in  fact, 
who  writes  the  Story  of  Yesterday.  A  Historian  of 
Three  Weeks  must  certainly  he  just,  for  had  he  never 
so  much  mind  to  lie,  it  would  be  nonsense  to  expect 
the  World  could  be  imposed  up07i.  Everybody's 
memory  would  be  a  living  witness  against  him,  and  the  effect 
would  only  be  to  expose  himself. 

Atithors  of  Histories  generally  apologise  for  their  Quotations, 
place  their  industry  in  the  search  after  Truth,  and  excuse  them- 
selves by  asserting  the  faithfulness  of  their  Collections.  The 
Author  of  the  following  sheets  is  not  afraid  to  let  the  World  know 
that  he  is  so  sure  everything  related  in  this  Account  is  literally 
and  positively  true,  that  he  challenges  all  the  Wit  and  Malice  the 
World  abounds  with,  to  confute  the  most  trifling  circumstance. 

If  aggravations  are  omitted,  and  some  very  ill-natured  passages 
let  go  without  observations,  those  persons  who  were  guilty  of  them, 
may  observe  that  we  have  more  good  nature  than  they  have 
manners  :  and  they  ought  to  acknowledge  it,  since  a  great  many 
rudenesses,  both  against  the  King  himself  and  the  Gentlemen  con- 
cerned, have  escaped  their  scurrilous  mouths,  which  are  not  here 
animadverted  upon. 

And  lest  the  World  shotdd  think  this  presumptive,  and  that  the 
accusation  is  only  a  surmise  ;  we  will  query.  What  they  think  of 
that  kind  remark  of  Mr.  J.  H[o]W[E],  finding  the  King's  Letter 
to  the  House,  and  the  Kentish  Petition  to  come  both  on  a  day, 
and  the  substance  to  be  the  same,  that  "  the  King,  the  Dutch,  and 
the  Kentish  men  were  all  in  a  plot  against  the  House  of  Commons!  " 

I  could  have  swelled  this  Pamphlet  to  a  large  Volume,  if  I 
should  pretend  to  collect  all  the  Billingsgate  language  of  a  certain 
House  full  of  men,  against  the  King,  the  Lords,  and  the  Gentle- 
men of  Kent;  but  it  is  a  fitter  subject  for  a  Satyr  than  a  History. 
They  have  abused  the  nation,  and  now  are  become  a  Banter  to 
themselves ;  and  I  leave  them  to  consider  of  it,  and  reform  ! 

I  assure  the  World,  I  am  no  Kentish  man  ;  nor  was  my  hand 
to  the  Petition  ;  though,  had  I  been  acquainted  with  it,  I  would 
have  gone  a  hundred  miles  to  have  signed  it,  and  a  hundred  more 
to  have  had  the  opportunity  of  serving  my  Country  at  the  expense 
of  an  unjust  confinement  for  it. 


158    The  Jacobites  drinking  to  Jack  Howe,  [jji^rjoi! 

It  may  he  fairly  concluded,  I  am  no  Warwickshire  man  neither, 
with  a  Petition  in  my  pocket,  brought  a  hundred  miles,  and  afraid 
to  deliver  it. 

Nor  [is]  my  7iame  Sir  Robert  Clayton  :  by  which  you  may 
know  I  did  not  promise  the  Members,  who  were  then  in  fear 
enough,  to  use  my  Interest  to  stifle  a  City  Petition. 

Nor  is  my  name  Legion,  I  wish  it  were  !  for  I  shotdd  have 
been  glad  to  be  capable  of  speaking  so  much  truth,  and  so  much  to 
the  purpose,  as  is  contained  in  that  unanswerable  Paper  [Legion's 
Memorial,  s^^ /)/>.  179-186]. 

Btit  I  am  an  unconcerned  Spectator,  and  have  been  an  exact 
Observer  of  every  passage,  have  been  an  Eye  and  Ear-Witness  of 
every  most  minute  article,  and  am  sure  that  everything  related  is 
exactly  true,  as  the  causes  of  it  all  are  scandalous  and  burdensome 
to  the  nation. 

As  to  the  Gentlemen  of  the  House  of  Commons,  I  shall  not 
pretend  to  enter  into  their  character,  because  I  care  not  to  enter 
into  captivity  !  nor  come  into  the  clutches  o/that  worst  of  brutes, 
their  Sergeant ! 

Literally  speaking,  no  Member  of  the  House  of  Commons  can 
he  a  Jacobite,  because  they  have  taken  the  oaths  to  King  William. 

But  this  may  be  observed,  that  the  Jacobites  in  England  are 
generally  the  only  people  who  approve  of  their  proceedings,  and 
applaud  their  measures.  And  it  is  observable  that  at  Paris,  at  St. 
Germains,  the  general  compliment  of  a  Health  in  all  English 
company  is  a  la  sante  [de]  Monsieur  Jack  HoWlE]  !  the  truth  of 
which,  there  are  not  a  few  very  good  Gentlemen  in  Town  can  attest, 
from  whence  I  think  I  may  draw  this  Observation,  that  either  he  is 
a  Jacobite,  or  the  Jacobites  are  a  very  good-natured  people. 

Noscitur  ex  socio  qui  non  dignoscitur  ex  se. 

The  following  pages  contain  an  exact  History  of  the  Kentish 
Petition,  and  of  the  treatment  the  Gentlemen  who  presented  it, 
met  with  both  from  the  House,  the  Sergeant,  and  at  last,  from  their 

ountry. 

The  best  way  to  come  to  a  conclusion,  whether  the  Gentlemen 
Petitioners  were  well  or  ill  used,  is  to  review  the  matter  of  fact  ? 
A II  panegyrics  and  encomiums  came  short  of  the  natural  reflections 
which  flow  from  a  True  Account  of  that  proceeding  :  and  the  whole 
is  collected  in  this  form,  that  all  the  World  may  judge  by  a  true 
light,  and  not  be  imposed  upon  by  partial  and  imperfect  Relations. 


159 

THE 

HISTORY 

OF   THE 

Kentish 


PETITION. 

N  THE  29th  of  April,  1701,  the  Quarter 
Sessions  for  the  County  of  Kent,  began  at 
Maidstone  :  where  William  Colepeper 
of  Hollingbourne,  Esq.,  was  chosen  Chair- 
man, though  he  was  then  absent ;  and, 
with  an  unusual  respect,  the  Bench  of 
Justices  proceeded  to  do  business,  and 
kept  the  Chair  for  him  for  several  hours, 
till  he  came. 

The  people  of  the  County  of  Kent,  as  well  as  in  most 
parts  of  the  Kingdom,  had  expressed  great  dissatisfaction  at 
the  slow  proceedings  of  the  Parliament;  and  that  the  King 
was  not  assisted,  nor  the  Protestants  abroad  considered  : 
and  the  country  people  began  to  say  to  one  another,  in  their 
language,  that  "  they  had  sowed  their  corn,  and  the  French 
were  a-coming  to  reap  it  !  " 

And  from  hence  it  is  allowed  to  proceed  that,  during  the 
sitting  of  the  Sessions,  several  of  the  principal  freeholders  of 
the  County  applied  themselves  to  the  Chairman  aforesaid, 
and  told  him,  "  It  was  their  desire  that  the  Bench  should 
consider  the  making  of  some  application  to  the  Parliament, 
to  acquaint  them  of  the  apprehensions  of  the  people." 

The  Chairman  replied,  "  It  was  the  proper  work  of  the 
Grand  Jury  to  present  the  grievances  of  the  Country  "  ;  and 
therefore  he  referred  them  to  the  said  Grand  Jury,  who  were 
then  sitting. 

The  Grand  Jury  being  applied  to,  accepted  the  proposal ; 
and  addressing  to  the  said  Mr.  Colepeper,  the  Chairman, 
acquainted  him  that  they  had  approved  of  such  a  motion 


i6o    The  origin  of  the  Kentish  Petition,  [fui^fjot: 

made  as  before,  and  desired  that  the  Bench  would  join  with 
them. 

The  Chairman  told  them,  he  would  acquaint  the  Justices 
of  it ;  which  he  did  :  and  they  immediately  approved  of  it 
also,  and  desired  the  said  W.  Colepeper,  Esq.,  their  Chair- 
man, to  draw  a  Petition. 

Mr.  Colepeper  withdrew  to  compose  it,  and  having 
drawn  a  Petition,  it  was  read  and  approved  :  and  immediately 
ordered  to  be  carried  to  the  Grand  Jury,  being  twenty-one  in 
number,  who  all  unanimously  signed  it,  and  brought  it  into 
Court,  desiring  all  the  Gentlemen  on  the  Bench  would  do 
the  same. 

Whereupon  the  Chairman  and  twenty-three  of  the  Justices 
signed  it ;  and  the  freeholders  of  the  County  crowded  in  so 
fast,  that  the  parchment  was  filled  up  in  less  than  five  hours' 
time  :  and  many  thousands  of  hands  might  have  been  had 
to  it,  if  the  Justices  had  not  declined  it,  refusing  to  add  any 
more  rolls  of  parchment ;  as  insisting  more  upon  the  merits 
of  the  Petition,  than  the  number  of  the  subscribers. 

By  all  which,  it  appears  how  foolish  and  groundless  their 
pretences  are,  who  would  suggest  that  the  Petition  was  a 
private  thing,  transacted  by  a  few  people ;  whereas  it  is 
plain,  it  was  the  Act  and  Deed  of  the  whole  Country. 

The  words  of  the  Petition  are,  as  follows. 

To  the  Knights,  Citizens,  and  Burgesses  in  Parliament 
assembled. 

The  humble  Petition  of  the  Gentlemen,  Justices  of  the  Peace, 
Grand  Jury,  and  other  freeholders,  at  the  General  Quarter 
Sessions  of  the  Peace  holden  at  Maidstone,  the  zgth  of  April,  in 
the  i^th  year  of  the  reign  of  our  Sovereign  Lord,  King 
William  III.,  over  England,  &c. 

\E,  THE  Gentlemen,  Justices  of  the  Peace,  Grand  Jury, 
and  other  freeholders,  at  the  General  Quarter  Sessions 
at  Maidstone,  in  Kent,  deeply  concerned  at  the 
dangerotis  estate  of  this  Kingdom  and  of  all  Europe, 
and  considering  that  the  fate  of  us  and  our  posterity 
depends  on  the  wisdom  of  our  Representatives  in  Parliament, 
think  ourselves  bound  in  duty,  humbly  to  lay  before  this  Honour- 
able House,  the  consequences  in  this  conjuncture  of  your  speedy 


fu'i^itoi.']  The  five  Gentlemen  who  presented  it.    i6i 

resolution  and  most  sincere  endeavour  to  answer  the  Great  Trust 
reposed  in  you  by  your  country. 

And  in  regard  that,  from  the  experience  of  all  ages,  it  is 
manifest  no  nation  can  be  great  and  happy  without  Union  ;  We 
hope  that  no  pretence  whatsoever  shall  be  able  to  create  a  mis- 
understanding among  ourselves,  or  the  least  distrust  of  His 
Majesty,  whose  great  actions  for  this  nation  are  written  in  the 
hearts  of  his  subjects,  and  can  never,  without  the  blackest  ingrati- 
tude, be  forgotten. 

We  most  humbly  implore  this  Honourable  House,  to  have 
regard  to  the  Voice  of  the  People  !  that  our  religion  and  safety 
maybe  effectually  provided  for,  that  your  Loyal  Addresses  may 
be  turned  into  Bills  of  Supply,  and  that  His  most  sacred  Majesty 
(whose  propitious  and  unblemished  reign  over  us,  We  pray  GOD 
long  to  continue  I)  may  be  enabled  powerfully  to  assist  his 
Allies f  before  it  be  too  late. 

A  nd  your  Petitioners  shall  ever  pray  &c. 
Signed  by  all  the  Deputy  Lieutetiants 

there  present,  above  twenty  Justices 

of  the  Peace,  and  all  the  Grand  Jury, 

and   other  freeholders   then    there. 

As  soon  as  the  Petition  was  signed,  and  there  was  no  more 
room  for  any  hands  [signatures],  it  was  delivered  by  the 
Grand  Jury  to  the  aforesaid  William  Colepeper,  Esq., 
Chairman  of  the  Session  ;  and  he  was  desired  to  present  it, 
in  their  names,  to  the  Parliament  :  which,  at  their  request, 
he  promised  to  do.  And  the  rest  of  the  Gentlemen,  viz., 
Thomas  Colepeper,  Esq.,  Justinian  Champneys,  Esq., 
David  Polehill,  Esq.,  and  William  Hamilton,  Esq., 
offered  themselves  to  go  with  him. 

On  Tuesday,  the  6th  of  May,  they  came  to  Town,  with  the 
Petition;  and  the  next  day,  they  went  up  to  the  House,  and 
applied  themselves  to  Sir  Thomas  Hales,  in  order  to  desire 
him  to  present  it  to  the  House :  he  being  one  of  the  Repre- 
sentatives of  the  County  of  Kent. 

Sir  Thomas  read  the  Petition,  and  telling  them  it  was  too 
late  to  present  it  that  day,  it  being  after  twelve  a  clock, 
desired  they  would  let  him  shew  it  [to]  Mr.  Pelham  of 
Sussex. 


i62  Sir  T.   Hales  betrays  his   County,  [f.jij'fj'o'. 

Mr.  CoLEPEPER  told  him,  he  was  willing  enough  Mr. 
Pelham  should  see  the  Petition,  not  doubting  he  would  be  a 
friend  to  it  :  but  that  he  was  unwilling  to  part  with  it,  being 
entrusted  with  it  by  his  Country ;  adding  that  he  "  should 
make  but  an  indifferent  figure  in  the  County,  if  the  Petition 
should  be  got  out  of  his  hands,  and  lost." 

Whereupon,  Sir  Thomas  Hales  passed  his  word  and 
honour,  that  he  would  not  shew  it  to  any  person  whatever, 
but  to  Mr.  Pelham  ;  and  that  he  would  return  it  imme- 
diately. But  his  word  and  honour  so  solemnly  pledged, 
were  as  easily  forgotten.  For  having  got  the  Petition,  he 
carried  it  into  the  House,  where  he  stayed  an  hour  and  a 
half;  and  then  returning,  he  gave  it  to  the  Gentlemen,  and 
told  them  he  had  shewn  it  to  Sir  Edward  Seymour  and 
several  others. 

This  perfidious  action  [towards]  that  very  part  of  the  nation 
which  he  represented,  deserves  some  special  notice  ;  and 
there  is  no  question  but  the  people  will  remember  it  for  him, 
and  shew  their  resentment  on  proper  occasions. 

Mr.  Colepeper,  in  the  name  of  the  rest,  gave  him  an 
answer  suitable  to  the  action  ;  and  sufficient  to  let  him 
know  their  surprise  at  so  ungentleman-like  usage  :  viz., 
that  *'  he  had  broke  his  word,  and  served  his  Country  very 
ill!" 

But  this  being  neither  place  nor  season  for  further 
debates,  Sir  Thomas  Hales  appointed  to  meet  them  in  the 
evening:  and  then,  after  making  them  wait  two  hours 
beyond  his  time,  he  adjourned  them  till  next  morning,  in  the 
Court  of  Requests ;  where  he  told  them  absolutely,  that  he 
"  would  not  deliver  the  Petition." 

Here  it  is  very  observable,  that,  at  the  very  time  Sir 
Thomas  Hales  came  out  of  the  House,  and  returned  the 
Petition  in  the  manner  above  mentioned,  Mr.  Meredith,  the 
other  Representative  for  the  Country,  came  to  them,  and 
told  them  "  their  Petition  had  been  exposed  in  the  House, 
and  that  Mr.  How[e]  was  then  making  a  speech  against  it." 

The  Gentlemen  finding  themselves  thus  betrayed  by  Sir 
Thomas  Hales,  consulted  together  about  finding  another 
more  proper  person  to  deliver  the  Petition ;  and  resolved  to 
apply  themselves  to  Mr.  Meredith,  the  other  Member  for 
the   County  of   Kent.     Mr.    Meredith   having   agreed  to 


?ui?i1oi:]  The  swaggering  threats  of  the  Majority.  163 

deliver  it,  in  case  Sir  Thomas  Hales  should  refuse,  had 
appointed  to  meet  them,  with  several  other  Gentlemen, 
Members  of  the  House,  in  order  to  consult  about  the  matter 
of  the  Petition,  and  the  manner  of  delivering  it. 

In  the  morning  [Wednesday,  yth  May,  1701],  the  House 
being  met;  Mr.  Meredith  came  out,  and  told  them  that 
*■'  the  House  was  in  such  a  ferment,  that  none  of  the 
Gentlemen  durst  appear  for  it,  nor  come  to  them  ;  and  he 
doubted  [feared]  would  not  venture  so  much  as  to  speak  a 
word  in  the  House  for  the  Petition." 

Nor  were  these  all  the  discouragements  the  Gentlemen 
met  with,  in  their  presenting  the  Petition  :  but  several 
Members  of  the  House  pretending  respect,  and  others  that 
were  really  their  friends  and  in  concern  for  them,  came  out 
of  the  House  to  them,  and  endeavoured  to  persuade  them, 
not  to  expose  themselves  to  the  fury  of  the  House,  by  deliver- 
ing the  Petition.  Telling  them,  that  Mr.  How[e]  in  par- 
ticular had  said,  that,  "  if  there  were  one  hundred  thousand 
hands  to  the  Petition,  they  should  be  all  made  examples  of!  " 
and  Sir  Edward  Seymour  added  that  "  the  whole  County 
should  be  double  taxed ;  and  the  estates  of  those  who  pre- 
sented it,  should  be  confiscated  to  the  use  of  the  War." 

Although  these  menaces,  together  with  the  almost  omni- 
potent power  of  the  House  of  Commons,  had  circumstances 
enough  in  them  to  shake  the  resolution  of  a  whole  County ; 
yet  they  had  not  the  effects  here  which  were  expected.  For 
the  Gentlemen,  far  from  being  terrified  at  all  this,  unani- 
mously declared  their  resolution  to  discharge  the  trust  placed 
in  them  by  their  Country,  and  to  present  it  to  the  House. 

Mr.  William  Colepeper,  in  particular,  alluding  to  the 
words  of  Luther,  to  those  who  dissuaded  him  from  going  to 
the  city  of  Worms,  told  them  that,  "if  every  tile  upon  the 
Chapel  of  *  St.  Stephen's  were  a  devil,  he  would  ♦The  House 
present  the  Petition  !  "  And  all  of  them  declared  ^ons^'Swas 
that,  "  if  one  of  the  Gentlemen  would  not  do  their  formerly  st. 

„         '  ,  .  ,       .       Stephens 

Country  so  much  service,  as  to  present  their  chapei. 
grievances  to  the  Parliament  in  a  legal  Petition  ;  they  would 
knock  at  the  door  of  the  House,  and  deliver  it  themselves  !  " 
Mr.  Meredith  finding  the  Gentlemen  so  resolute,  did 
consent  to  carry  in  the  Petition  ;  which  he  performed  with 
great  discretion  and  fidelity. 


64  Speech  ofthe  Speaker  to  the  Kentish  Men.[ 


Defo*. 
701. 


The  Petition  being  thus  delivered,  the  Gentlemen  attended. 
For  Mr.  Speaker  [Robert  Harley]  further  to  intimidate 
them,  had  let  fall  some  speeches,  that  "  it  was  the  usage  of 
the  House,  when  a  Petition  was  brought  in,  the  persons  who 
presented  it,  ought  to  be  ready  without,  to  justify  the  matter 
of  their  Petition." 

And  the  Gentlemen,  seeing  no  reason  to  be  ashamed  of 
theirs  in  particular,  resolved  to  bide  the  utmost  which  their 
and  the  nation's  enemies  could  do  to  them. 

Having  waited  almost  half  an  hour,  they  were  called  in  to 
the  Bar  of  the  House  ;  where  (Mr.  Speaker,  treating  them  in 
his  usual  haughty  tone)  this  short  dialogue  passed  between 
them  : 

Speaker.  {Holding   up    the    Petition    by   one    corner.) 

Gentlemen,  is  this  your  Petition} 
Gentlemen.     {Bowing  very  respectfully.)  Yes,  Mr.  Speaker. 
Speaker.  And,  Gentlemen,  you  own  this  Petition  ? 

Gentlemen.     Yes,  Mr.  Speaker. 
Speaker.  And,  Gentlemen,  your  Hands  are  to  this 

Petition  ? 
Gentlemen.     Yes,  Mr.  Speaker. 
Speaker.  {Turning  to  one  of  the  Clerks.)     Carry  it  to 

them,  and  see  if  they  will  own  their  Hands! 

{Which  they  severally  did.) 
Speaker.  Withdraw,  and  expect   the   Order   of  the 

House  ! 
Whereupon  they  withdrew,  and  attended  in  the  Lobby. 

And  now  began  the  second  attack,  upon  the[ir]  resolution  : 
for  the  Members,  who  came  out,  represented  with  all  the  terror 
imaginable,  the  fury  of  the  House.  Imprisonment  and  the 
.'uin  of  their  fortunes  and  families  was  the  least  they  had  to 
expect ;  Impeachments,  Laws  ex  post  facto,  tacking  them  to 
Money  Bills ;  and  all  arbitrary  methods  which  any  arbitrary 
Parliament  have  ever  made  use  of  to  ruin  those  who  have 
felt  their  magnipotent  indignation,  were  laid  before  them. 

When  some,  who  pretented  pity  for  the  misfortune  of  so 
many  worthy  Gentlemen,  came  out  of  the  House,  and  told 
them,  "  they  had  yet  a  lucky  moment  left  them,  by  an 
immediate  submission,  to  fly  to  the  clemency  of  the  House  !  " 
that  "  they  were  sent  out  by  Sir  Edward  Seymour  and  the 


Julyi70i.J 


165 


rest  of  the  Gentlemen  on  that  side,  to  let  them  know  that  Mr. 
How[eJ  was  now  speaking,  and  would  continue  so  for  some 
time,  to  give  them  opportunity  to  recollect  themselves,  and 
by  a  timely  acknowledgement  to  save  themselves  from  ruin  : 

The  Gentlemen  being  at  a  loss  to  know  in  what  particular 
they  could  have  given  the  House  such  offence,  and  being 
well  assured  they  were  in  the  protection  of  the  Law,  and  had 
not  acted  anything  but  what  the  known  Constitution  of  the 
Realm  expressly  allowed,  remained  still  unshaken ;  and 
boldly  replied  "  They  had  nothing  to  say,  but  what  was  in 
their  Petition !  " 

But  being  further  pressed  by  Sir  Theophilus  Oglethorp 
and  several  other  Gentlemen ;  and  because  they  would  not 
shew  any  disrespect  to  the  House,  or  seem  to  slight  their 
displeasure;  they  considered  of  an  Answer  to  be  given  to  the 
proposal  of  Submission. 

And  because  whatever  Answer  they  gave,  might  be  mis- 
represented to  the  House;  [ifj  delivered  by  word  of  mouth  ; 
they  resolved  to  put  it  into  writing,  and  having  consulted 
a  while,  they  agreed  to  send  in  this  civil  Answer. 

We  are  humbly  of  opinion  that  it  is  our  Right  to  petition  this 
honourable  House,  according  to  the  Statute  of  13  Car.  II.  As  to 
the  matter  of  our  Petition ;  we  declare  that  we  intend  nothing 
offensive  to  this  honourable  House. 

This  writing  being  shewn  to  Sir  Theophilus  Oglethorp 
and  several  other  Members,  then  began  to  smile,  and 
imagined  their  point  gained  ;  and  told  the  Gentlemen,  "they 
were  glad  they  begun  to  be  sensible  of  their  danger,  and  that 
if  they  would  but  add  one  word  more,  namely,  that  they  were 
sorry  for  what  they  had  done,  they  would  undertake  [guarantee] 
for  the  clemency  of  the  House." 

Thus  they  unanimously  refused  :  one  of  the  Gentlemen, 
with  some  heat  replying,  **  We  will  have  no  sorry  1  " 

Here  the  Members,  or  conspirators  rather,  would  have 
had  them  put  it,  that  they  did  it  through  inadvertency. 

This  they  also  refused,  declaring  they  did  it,  at  the  request 
of  their  Country,  maturely  and  deliberately;  were  justified 
in  doing  it,  by  the  Laws  of  the  land,  and  they  would  never 
recede  from  it. 

So  they  delivered  the  Paper  to  Sir  Thomas  Hales  ;  but 


1 66   Committed  to  the  Sergeant  at  Arms,    [fui^xtot 

whether  he  delivered  it  to  the  House  or  not,  he  never  had 
the  civility  to  inform  them. 

The  debate  in  the  House  held  five  hours.  After  which, 
notice  was  given  them  by  the  Messengers,  that  the  House 
had  voted  the  Petition  scandalous,  insolent,  and  seditions  {vide 
the  Votes),  tending  to  destroy,  S-c. ;  and  ordered  them  to  be 
taken  into  custody  for  the  same. 

Upon  which,  the  Gentlemen  went,  and  immediately 
surrendered  themselves  to  the  Sergeant,  though  the  Warrant 
was  not  made  out  for  some  hours  after. 

The  Sergeant  only  asked.  Where  he  should  come  to  them, 
at  dinner  ?  which  was  agreed  to  be  at  the  Castle  Tavern,  in 
Fleet  street. 

Where  they  dined,  on  Thursday,  Friday,  and  Saturday  ; 
and  were  hitherto  very  civilly  treated  of  his  Officers.  They 
were  accompanied  by  great  numbers  of  citizens  and  Gentle- 
men of  the  first  Quality,  and  not  a  few  of  the  Nobility.  The 
Officers  were  seldom  with  them,  went  errands  for  them  ;  and 
oftentimes  were  all  absent  together.  So  that  there  was  no 
colour  of  reason  for  the  Sergeant  to  say  he  feared  a  rescue. 
For  they  had  all  the  opportunities  they  could  desire,  if  they 
had  had  the  least  design  to  escape  :  and  it  was  never  heard 
of,  that  they  who  could  escape  when  they  pleased,  would 
expose  their  friends  to  the  hazard  of  a  rescue. 

On  Friday  [gth  May],  in  the  evening,  Mr.  Sergeant  begun 
to  treat  with  them ;  and  representing  his  absolute  power,  let 
them  know  that  he  had  an  unbounded  liberty  of  using  them 
at  discretion  :  that  he  could  confine  them  at  pleasure,  put 
them  in  dungeons,  lay  them  under  ground,  keep  them 
apart,  remove  them  daily,  and  keep  all  people  from  them  by 
making  them  "close  prisoners." 

He  thereby  gave  them  to  understand  that  he  expected  a 
'^.onsideration  suitable  to  his  civility.  Upon  this,  the  Gentle- 
men offered  him  One  Hundred  Guineas  :  half  in  hand,  and 
the  other,  when  they  should  be  discharged  ;  though  it  should 
be  the  next  day. 

The  Sergeant  neither  accepted  nor  refused  the  offer,  nor 
expressed  any  dislike,  as  if  he  thought  it  too  little :  but 
appointed  to  come  to  them,  the  next  day. 


?u'i?itoiG  LODGEDINAGARRETANDACELLAR.167 

Saturday  [10th  May],  in  the  evening,  Mr.  Thomas 
CoLEPEPER,  having  notice  that  his  Lady  was  much  frighted 
at  his  confinement,  desired  leave  of  the  Messenger  in  whose 
custody  he  was,  to  let  him  go  down  to  Maidstone,  upon  his 
parole  to  return  by  Monday  night :  which  the  Messenger 
tacitly  granted. 

The  rest  of  the  Gentlemen  being  met  at  the  tavern, 
expecting  the  Sergeant  according  to  appointment,  and  having 
waited  till  ten  a  clock ;  instead  of  coming  himself,  he  sends 
orders  to  the  Messengers  to  separate  the  Gentlemen,  and 
confine  them  in  several  prisons,  that  very  night.  Which 
orders,  the  Officers  executed  as  rudely  as  the  Sergeant 
could  desire ;  saving  that  they  obtained  the  civility  from  the 
Officers  to  be  confined  two  in  a  place,  and  two  in  another; 
but  were  hurried  away  with  such  unmannerly  indecency, 
that  they  would  not  permit  them  to  send  for  their  night- 
gowns and  necessaries. 

In  this  manner,  Mr.  William  Colepeper  and  Mr. 
Justinian  Champneys  were  carried  to  Myat  the  Messen- 
ger's house,  in  Fox  Court,  in  Holborn  :  where  they  had  this 
hard  choice  proposed  to  them,  at  their  entrance,  Whether 
they  would  lodge  in  the  Cellar  or  the  Garret  ?  And  choosing 
the  latter,  they  were  thrust  into  a  little  hole  on  the  top  of 
the  house  :  where  they  had  all  the  inconveniences  of  the 
nasty  prison,  as  base  lodging,  foul  sheets,  little  covering, 
and  a  cold  room ;  by  which  means,  they  both  took  such  cold 
as  they  have  not  yet  recovered  from. 

But  Mr.  Sergeant,  lest  they  should  not  be  ill-treated 
enough,  coming,  the  next  morning,  to  Mr.  Myat's  house,  was 
in  a  great  rage  at  him,  and  drawing  his  sword,  cut  him  over 
the  head,  for  "using  the  Gentlemen  so  civilly,"  as  he  called  it. 

Afterwards,  coming  up  into  the  garret,  where  Mr.  Cole- 
peper and  Mr.  Justinian  Champneys  were  lodged :  they 
asked  him,  "  What  Order  he  had,  for  using  them  thus  ? " 

He  replied,  "  He  had  an  Order  from  those  who  com- 
mitted them." 

Being  asked  again,  "  If  there  was  any  such  Vote  passed 
in  the  House  ?  " 

He  said,  "  No,  but  he  had  an  Order." 

Mr.   Colepeper  replied,   "  If  it   be   not  a  Vote   of  the 


1 68  Fortunately  removed  to  the  Gatehouse.  [Jii^^/oi! 

House,  pray  how  is  it  an  Order  ?  Have  the  Majority  of  the 
House,  one  by  one,  come  to  you,  and  given  you  directions  to 
use  us  thus  barbarously  ?  " 

He  repHed  "  Yes,  they  had  ! "  For  which  scandalous 
reflection,  if  false,  his  masters  the  Members  of  the  House  of 
Commons  are  exceedingly  obliged  to  him. 

Mr.  CoLEPEPER  told  him,  he  believed  he  should  live  to  see 
him  hanged. 

And  so  they  parted. 

All  this  while,  Mr.  Polehill  and  Mr.  Hamilton  were 
put  into  a  cellar,  without  the  favour  of  having  their  choice ; 
and  had  so  vile  a  lodging,  that  they  could  scarcely  breathe. 

They  were  likewise,  in  their  turn,  bullied  by  Mr.  Sergeant, 
the  next  day. 

When  they  asked  him,  to  shew  the  copy  of  their  Commit- 
ment :  he  denied  it. 

Mr.  Polehill,  in  particular,  replied,  ''They  asked  him 
nothing  but  what,  by  Law,  he  ought  to  grant." 

He  rudely  replied,  "  He  cared  not  a  farthing  for  them,  nor 
the  Law  neither!  "     And  so  left  them. 

Which  refusal  of  his,  he  may  hear  of  again,  perhaps,  in  a 
way  of  legal  application. 

On  Tuesday  [13^/^  May],  he  gave  the  House  notice,  that 
the  younger  Mr.  Colepeper  had  made  his  escape ;  though 
he  had  a  letter  from  him,  that  he  would  be  in  Town  that 
very  day.  And  at  the  same  time,  he  made  a  complaint  that 
the  other  Gentlemen  behaved  themselves  so  disorderly,  that 
he  apprehended  a  rescue  :  though  the  Gentlemen,  to  avoid 
any  suspicion,  had  voluntarily  surrendered  their  swords  to 
the  Messengers,  without  being  required  so  to  do. 

This  complaint  to  the  House  was  the  Gentlemen's  deliver- 
ance, and  the  Sergeant's  disappointment;  though  not  in 
kindness  to  them  neither.  For  ordering  them  to  the  Gate- 
house, as  a  more  ignominious  confinement,  the  Sergeant 
lost  the  extravagant  fees  which  he  designed  to  extort  from 
them  ;  and  the  humanity  of  Captain  Taylor,  the  Keeper  of 
the  Gatehouse,  made  their  restraint  easy  to  them. 

For  this  Keeper  used  them  like  Gentlemen,  and  the 
reputation  he  has  obtained  by  his  civility  will  be  as  lasting 
as  the  infamy  of  the  Sergeant :  the  one  leaves  a  grateful 
acknowledgement  in  the  mouths  of  all  men,  and  will  always 


?ui?itoi:]  The  appearance  of  Legion  s  Memorial,    i  69 

be  spoken  of  to  his  advantage ;  and  the  other  nauseous,  like 
the  person,  is  dishonourable  both  to  his  memory  and  to  the 
House  that  employed  him. 

On  Wednesday  [14^/1  Uay\,  Thomas  Colepeper,  Esq., 
the  younger  brother,  who  had  been  in  Kent,  and  who  was 
just  come  up  according  to  his  promise,  rendered  himself  to 
the  Speaker,  and  desired  to  be  sent  to  his  brethren. 

Mr.  Sergeant,  who  thought  to  make  himself  amends  upon 
him,  laboured  to  have  him  continued  in  his  custody:  and 
had  not  that  Party  in  the  House  thought  the  Gatehouse  a 
greater  punishment,  possibly  it  had  been  so.  But  therein, 
that  infallible  House  were  deceived  !  and  he  was  delivered 
from  the  hands  of  a  villain,  by  his  enemies  themselves:  who 
thought  they  had  mortified  him  the  more  ;  to  the  infinite 
regret  of  the  Sergeant,  and  the  general  satisfaction  of  his 
fellow-sufferers. 

The  same  morning  {\^th  May]  that  Mr.  Colepeper  sur- 
rendered himself.  The  Legion  Paper  [sec pp.  179-1^6],  as  it  was 
called,  was  sent  to  the  House.  It  was  said,  it  was  delivered 
to  the  Speaker  by  a  woman.  But  I  have  been  informed  since, 
that  it  was  a  mistake  :  and  that  it  was  delivered  by  the  very 
person  [Daniel  Defoe]  who  wrote  it,  guarded  with  about 
sixteen  Gentlemen  of  Quality ;  who,  if  any  notice  had  been 
taken  of  him,  were  ready  to  have  carried  him  off  by  force. 

It  was  reported  that  Mr.  Thomas  Colepeper  brought  it 
out  of  Kent,  and  that  all  the  Country  [County]  were  at  his 
heels,  to  make  it  good  :  though  it  was  really  no  such  thing, 
and  that  Gentleman  declared  he  knew  nothing  at  all  of  it. 

But  be  it  as  it  will,  that  Paper  struck  such  a  terror  into 
the  Party  in  the  House,  that,  from  that  time,  there  was  not 
a  word  ever  spoken  in  the  House,  of  proceeding  against  the 
Kentish  Petitioners  ;  and  the  Members  of  that  Party  began 
to  drop  off,  and  get  into  the  country :  for  their  Management 
began  to  be  so  disliked  over  the  whole  nation,  that  their  own 
fears  dictated  to  them,  they  had  run  things  too  far. 

The  clashings  with  the  Upper  House  about  the  trial  of 
the  four  Peers  they  had  impeached ;  and  the  miserable  shifts 
they  were  driven  to  by  the  Lords,  to  avoid  trying  them, 
served  but  to  make  them  more  uneasy,  and  to  hasten  the 
despatch  of  the  money  bills,  in  order  to  the  Prorogation, 
which  was  on  the  23rd  of  June,  1701. 


lyo  They  are  feasted  at  Mercers  Hall.  [j|,,y 


Pefoe. 
1701. 


By  the  Prorogation,  the  Kentish  Gentlemen  were  dis- 
charged :  but  to  shew  their  respect  to  the  civility  of  Captain 
Taylor  their  Keeper,  they  continued  to  lodge  with  him,  till 
they  went  into  the  country. 

The  first  honour  done  to  them,  on  account  of  their  suffer- 
ings, was  their  being  invited  to  a  noble  entertainment  at 
Mercers  Hall  in  Cheapside,  at  the  charge  of  the  citizens  of 
London  :  where  above  two  hundred  Gentlemen  dined  with 
them,  together  with  several  noble  Lords  and  Members  of 
Parliament. 

Thursday,  the  2nd  of  July  [1701],  they  set  out  for  Kent. 
The  citizens  had  offered  to  accompany  them  out  of  Town : 
but  they  declined  it,  desiring  to  go  privately.  And  those 
who  pretend  to  charge  them  with  affecting  popularity;  would 
do  well  to  remember,  that  they  were  fain  to  send  their  coaches 
empty  out  of  Town,  and  go  by  water  to  meet  them,  to  avoid 
the  respect  which  the  citizens  would  have  shewn  them. 

But  there  was  no  shunning  the  Appearance  of  the  Country; 
who  shewed  their  value  for  the  Gentlemen  and  the  Cause 
for  which  they  had  suffered,  in  all  possible  terms  of  respect 
and  affection. 

The  first  instance  of  this,  Avas  at  Blackheath,  where  Mr. 
David  Polehill,  one  of  the  Gentlemen,  was  to  separate 
from  the  rest ;  his  road  lying  near  Bromley,  to  his  house  at 
Ottford  in  Kent. 

He  was  met  at  Blackheath  by  above  500  Horse :  who 
received  him  into  the  midst  of  them,  and  surrounded  his 
coach,  with  such  shouts  and  joy,  as  sufficiently  testified  their 
respect  for  him,  and  their  satisfaction  at  his  return  among 
them. 

Nor  can  I  omit,  that  having,  to  satisfy  my  curiosity,  drank 
among,  and  discoursed  with  some  of  that  party,  while  they 
were  waiting  for  Mr.  Polehill;  I  [Daniel  Defoe]  never 
heard  of  any  Gentleman  more  universally  beloved  by  the 
Country,  or  more  particularly  distinguished  for  the  modesty 
and  Temper:  and  I  believe  I  may  affirm,  that  it  would  be 
hard  to  find  any  Gentleman  so  near  the  City  of  London,  who 
could  have  had  such  an  Appearance  of  his  own  tenants  and 
neighbours,  to  congratulate  his  deliverance. 

Mr.  Polehill  being  come  to  the  corner  of  the  Park  wall 
on  Blackheath,  stopped  to  take  leave  of  his  brethren ;    and 


?ui?i7oi:]  The  Appearance  of  their  County.     171 

giving  them  a  loud  huzza.,  wished  them  a  good  journey,  and 
proceeded  to  Ottford. 

All  possible  demonstrations  of  joy  concluded  the  day:  and 
it  has  not  been  known  that  the  Country  ever  expressed  more 
satisfaction  since  the  Coronation  of  King  William,  than  at 
the  return  of  this  Gentleman. 

The  rest  of  the  Gentlemen  proceeded  to  Rochester,  where 
they  were  met  by  such  a  body  of  Horse,  that  the  principal 
inns  of  the  town  could  not  entertain  them  :  some  of  whom 
had  come  twenty  miles  to  meet  them. 

The  Mayor  of  Rochester  paid  his  respect  to  them,  and 
complained  that  he  had  no  notice  given  him  of  their  coming  : 
otherwise  he  would  have  met  them  out  of  the  town,  with  a  good 
body  of  Horse. 

Here  they  rested,  to  refresh  themselves  and  their  horses. 

And  about  six  a  clock,  they  set  forward  for  Maidstone. 

The  people  of  Maidstone,  though  it  was  market  day,  could 
not  have  patience  to  wait  at  that  place  where  they  generally 
go  to  meet  the  Judges  ;  but  a  great  many  horsemen  met 
them  on  the  Downs,  and  on  the  top  of  Boxley  Hill,  four  miles 
from  the  town. 

At  Sandlin,  about  two  miles  from  the  town,  the  Gentlemen 
of  the  neighbourhood  met  them  with  their  coaches ;  and  an 
innumerable  multitude  of  people,  on  horseback  and  on  foot, 
shouting  and  bidding  them  welcome. 

After  a  short  stay  here,  to  receive  the  compliments  of  the 
Gentlemen  ;  they  proceeded,  the  Gentlemen's  coaches  falling 
into  the  rear,  to  the  Park,  the  seat  of  the  Lady  Taylor,  who 
is  married  to  Mr.  Thomas  Colepeper  ;  where  they  were 
welcomed  by  the  said  Lady,  the  old  Lady  Colepeper,  the 
mother  of  the  Gentleman,  and  several  Ladies  of  Quality : 
the  people  shouting  all  the  while  "A  Colepeper!"  "A  Cole- 
peper ! " ;  and  the  poor  strewing  the  ways  with  greens  and 
flowers. 

And  thus  they  proceeded  into  the  town,  with  such  universal 
acclamations  of  the  people  as  the  like  was  never  seen  in  that 
Country,  since  the  Restoration  of  King  Charles  the  Second. 

The  night  concluded  with  a  great  bonfire,  and  the 
Healths    of    all    the    Gentlemen    drank   round   it :   to  the 


172   Publicly  thanked  by  their  County,  [jl^ij^i^yoi: 

great  mortification  of  the  Jacobites,  of  whom  there  are  but 
very  few  in  those  parts ;  and  to  the  general  satisfaction  of 
the  Country. 

Nor  was  this  the  only  Appearance.  For  at  Beartsted, 
about  three  miles  further,  the  Country  was  assembled,  the 
bells  rung,  and  several  hundreds  of  people  continued  together 
all  night,  with  extraordinary  joy,  expecting  that  the  elder 
Mr.  CoLEPEPER,  Mr.  Champneys,  and  Mr.  Hamilton  would 
have  continued  their  journey  to  Hollingbourne,  the  ancient 
seat  of  the  Family  of  the  ColepepeRvS. 

But  the  extraordinary  reception  they  found  at  Maidstone 
had  detained  them  so  long,  that  it  was  too  late  to  go  on.  So 
they  lay  at  Maidstone  that  night. 

And  the  next  day,  abundance  of  Gentlemen  and  Country 
people  came  particularly  to  pay  their  respects  to  them,  and 
to  bid  them  welcome  into  the  Country. 

And  at  the  time  of  the  Assizes,  lately  held  at  Maidstone, 
the  Grand  Jury  consisting  of  very  eminent  Gentlemen  and 
freeholders  of  the  Country,  whereof  twelve  were  Justices  of 
the  Peace,  went  in  a  body  to  the  Gentlemen,  and  publicly 
gave  them  thanks  for  their  fidelity  to  the  Country  in  deliver- 
ing their  Petition  to  the  Parliament. 

In  all  these  expressions  of  the  Country  joy  at  the  return 
of  these  honest  Gentlemen ;  it  might  be  enquired,  What 
they  said  of  the  Parliament  ?  because  it  is  so  natural  to 
curse  with  one  hand,  when  we  bless  with  the  other,  that 
it  might  be  rationally  expected.  It  is  true,  the  Country, 
being  justly  disobliged  at  the  ill-usage  of  these  Gentlemen, 
did  not  spare  their  reflections.  But  I  choose  to  pass  it  over  : 
because  it  is  not  Parliaments  in  general,  but  the  Conspira- 
tors and  Jacobite  Party  in  a  Parliament,  that  are  at  present 
the  Nation's  burthen,  and  from  whom,  she  groans  to  be 
delivered. 


/3 


THE    CONCLUSION. 

\Ad  this  Nation  listened  to  the  Calls  of  their  own 
Reason,  and  to  the  Voice  of  Things  ;  all  this  confusion 
of  counsels  had  been  prevented !  Had  the  People  of 
England  chosen  men  of  honesty  and  of  peaceable 
principles,  men  of  candour,  disengaged  from  Interest 
and  design,  that  had  nothing  before  them  but  the  benefit  of  their 
Country,  the  safety  of  Religion,  and  the  Interest  of  Europe,  all 
this  had  been  avoided  I  They  never  would  have  imprisoned  five 
honest  Gentlemen,  for  coming  to  them,  with  the  sense  of  their 
Country,  in  a  peaceable  Petition  /  They  would  never  have  had  the 
occasion  to  repent  of  their  refusing  to  hearken  to  the  Voice  of  the 
People  I 

But  it  is  too  late  to  look  back  !  The  Nation  has  had  the 
misfortune  to  choose  them  I  and  our  Peace  and  Liberty,  and  the 
Protestant  Interest  in  Europe  are  too  much  in  their  hands. 

All  the  advice  I  can  pretend  to  give  to  my  fellow-slaves  and 
countrymen,  is  that  they  wotdd  not  be  backward  to  let  the  Gentle- 
men know,  that  the  Nation  is  sensible  they  are  not  doing  their 
duty :  and  withal,  that  to  impose  upon  the  Rights  and  Liberties 
of  the  English  Nation  has  always  been  fatal  to  the  persons  of 
those  who  have  attempted  it ;  and  their  examples  stand  as  buoys 
and  marks  to  warn  Posterity  of  the  hidden  dangers  they  have  fallen 
into. 

It  has  been  fatal  to  Favourites,  to  Judges,  to  Lords,  and  to 
Kings ;  and  will  certainly  be  so,  even  to  Parliaments,  if  they 
descend  to  abuse  the  People  they  represent. 

The  imprisoning  these  five  Gentlemen  had  neither  Reason, 
Law,  Pretence,  nor  Policy  in  it. 


1 74  The  imprisonment  without  Reason,  Law,  &c.[°; 


efoe. 

701. 


It  had  no  Reason  in  it,  because  they  had  offended  against  no 
law,  either  of  reason,  or  the  nature  of  the  thing. 

It  had  no  Law  in  it,  because  they  had  no  legal  power  to  commit 
any  but  their  own  Members. 

And  I  am  of  the  opinion,  they  are  convinced  there  was  no  Policy 
in  it :  for  there  is  seldom  much  policy  in  doing  that  publicly, 
which  we  know  we  shall  be  ashamed  of. 

The  not  proceeding  against  them  afterward,  shewed  they  were 
either  ashamed  or  afraid.  Had  they  been  in  the  right,  there 
could  be  no  reason  to  fear  ;  and  if  in  the  wrong,  they  had  all  the 
reason  in  the  World  to  be  ashamed. 

To  commit  five  Gentlemen  to  custody,  for  petitioning  them  to 
do,  what  they  really  knew  they  ought  to  have  done  ;  it  was  the 
most  preposterous  thing  in  Nature  !  To  punish  for  humbly 
petitioning  /  it  is  nonsense  in  itself! 

GOD  himself  permits  the  meanest  and  most  despicable  of  his 
creatures  to  remind  Him,  as  we  may  say,  of  their  wants,  and 
petition  for  his  aid.  The  most  contemptible  beggar  is  permitted 
to  be  importunate  for  relief;  and  though  the  Law  is  against  him, 
we  are  not  affronted  at  it.  But  to  resent  the  representation  of 
their  Country,  and  imprison  Gentlemen  who,  at  the  request  of  the 
freeholders  of  a  County,  came,  under  the  express  protection 
of  an  Act  of  Parliament,  to  deliver  a  Petition :  it  was 
the  most  ridiculous  inconsistent  action  that  ever  Parliament  of 
England  was  guilty  of :  and,  with  submission,  I  think  the  best 
action  the  same  House  can  do,  at  their  next  meeting,  is  to  Vote 
that  it  should  be  razed  out  of  their  Journals,  and  never  be  made 
a  precedent  for  the  time  to  come.  Upon  which  condition,  and  no 
other,  the  Nation  ought  to  forgive  them. 

The  Act  of  13  Car.  \1.  to  assert  the  Right  of  the  Subject's 
Petitioning,  is  a  sufficient  authority  for  any  one  to  quote :  and 
those  that  pretend  to  call  this  an  illegal  act,  must  first  trample 
down  the  authority  of  that  Act  of  Parliamejit. 

Let  this  Act  justify  me,  in  saying,  that  to  imprison  English- 
men for  petitioning  is  Illegal,  and  a  dishonour  to  English 
Parliaments. 


fui^itoiG  The  inalienable  Right  of  Petitioning.     175 

But  say  the  lame  excusers  of  this  eccentric  Motion  of  this 
House,  "  This  was  a  factions  thing  contrived  by  a  few  private 
insignificant  people  of  no  value  ;  and  the  matter  of  it  is  saucy  and 
impertinent." 

First,  had  it  been  a  Petition  of  the  meanest  and  most  incon- 
siderable person  in  England,  and  that  single  by  himself,  provided 
he  were  a  freeholder  of  England,  he  had  Legal  Right  to  speak  his 
mind.  For  that  same  reason  from  whence  the  Commons  in 
Parliament  claim  a  Freedom  of  Speech,  gives  every  Commoner  a 
Freedom  to  speak  to  the  House;  since  every  freeholder  has  an 
equal  concern  in  their  Debates,  and  eqtial  power  in  deputing  them 
to  sit  there. 

But  because  this  Right  unlimited,  might  be  multitudinous  and 
uneasy,  therefore  the  method,  how  he  shall  do  it,  is  circumscribed 
for  decency's  sake,  that  it  shall  be  done  by  Petition  ;  and  that 
Petition  shall  be  presented  so  and  so,  and  by  such  a  number, 
and  no  more. 

But  that  it  should  not  be  lawful  to  petition,  no  tribunal,  no 
Court,  no  Collective  or  Representative  Body  of  men  in  the  World 
ever  refused  it!  Nay,  the  Inquisition  of  Spain  does  not  forbid  it! 
the  Divan  of  the  Turks  allows  it!  and  I  believe,  if  Satan  him- 
self kept  his  Court  in  public,  he  would  not  prohibit  it. 

But  besides  this,  the  fact  is  not  true.  As  for  it  being  contrived 
by  a  few  people,  let  the  Impartial  Relation  here  given,  answer  that 
ridiculous  untruth :  unless  you  will  account  the  County  of  Kent  a 
few  ;  for  certainly  eleven  parts  of  twelve  in  the  whole  County,  and 
now  of  the  whole  Kingdom,  approve  of  it. 

Nor  has  the  reproach  upon  the  Persons  presenting  it  more  of 
truth;  unless  Gentlemen  of  ancient  and  illustrious  Families, 
whose  ancestors  have  been  known,  for  several  Ages,  to  be  Men  of 
Honour  and  estates,  allied  to  several  of  the  Nobility,  and  now 
known  and  valued  by  the  whole  County,  both  for  their  consider- 
able fortunes  as  well  as  personal  merit :  unless,  I  say,  such  men 
are  to  be  accounted  private  and  inconsiderable,  the  charge  cannot 
be  true.  To  such  I  shall  only  say,  that  the  ancestors  of  these  Gentle- 
men were  Members  of  ancient  Parliaments,  and  of  such  Parlia- 


176    A  MOST  JUST   Observation,  [j^^ij^fjot! 

ments  as  would  have  been  ashamed  of  committing  such  an  absurdity 
as  to  imprison  the  freeholders  of  England  for  a  peaceable  Petition. 

As  to  the  matter  of  the  Petition,  and  which  some  people  say  was 
a  banter,  the  turning  their  Loyal  Addresses  into  Bills  of  Supply. 
The  Gentlemen  ought  to  have  had  liberty  to  explain  themselves : 
which,  if  they  had  done,  I  am  of  opinion  that  it  would  have  been 
to  this  purpose,  that  "  they  thought  it  was  proper  the  House  should 
speedily  supply  the  King  so  with  money,  as  that  he  might  be 
enabled  to  defend  our  Protestant  neighbours  from  the  encroach- 
ment of  France ;  and  not  to  lose  their  time  in  addressing  the 
King  in  matters  of  less  moment." 

/  shall  conclude  with  this  short  animadversion,  by  way  of 
remark  ;  and  let  all  men  judge  of  the  justness  oj  the  Observation. 

That  as  this  was  the  First  time  that  ever  the  English  nation 
petitioned  to  be  taxed  ;  so  this  was  the  First  Parliament  that  ever 
addressed  the  King  to  take  care  of  himself,  and  [to]  defend  himself 
agaimt  his  people^ 


Ome  book-learned  fools  pretend  to  find  a  flaw 
In  our  late  Senate  Votes  for  want  of  Law, 
And  insolently  saw  the  Men  of  Kent 
Were  rudely  handled  by  the  Parliament : 
Knowledge  of  Things  would  teach  them  every  hour 
That  Law  is  but  a  heathen  word  for  Power. 
Might,  Right,  Force,  Justice,  Equity 
Are  terms  synonymous,  and  must  agree  ! 
For  who  shall  e'er  the  argument  confute, 
Where  Power  prevails,  and  no  man  dares  dispute  ? 

Nature  has  left  this  tincture  in  the  blood, 
That  all  men  would  be  Tyrants,  if  they  could  I 
Not  Kings  alone,  not  Ecclesiastic  pride; 
But  Parliaments  !  and  all  mankind  beside. 
All  men,  like  Ph/ETON,  would  command  the  reins, 
'Tis  only  Want  of  Power  that  restrains  1 

Then  why  should  we  think  strange  the  Parliament 
The  People's  late  Petitions  should  resent  ? 
'Tis  fatal  to  Tyrannic  Power,  when  they 
Who  should  be  ruined,  grumble  to  obey  ! 
And  Tyrants  never  can  complete  their  reign, 
So  long  as  injured  subjects  dare  complain  ! 
If  they  do  not,  ihtn-  first  Address  withstand  ; 
What  now  they  supplicate,  they  '11  soon  command  I 
By  first  suppressing  early  discontent ; 
They  aimed,  the  Consequences  to  prevent ! 
For  well  they  knew,  that  should  the  Nation  try 
To  ask  once  more,  they  durst  not  twice  deny  ! 
England  has  this  own  fate  peculiar  to  her; 
Never  to  want  a  Party  to  undo  her  ! 
The  Court,  the  King,  the  Church,  the  Parliament 
Alternately  pursue  the  same  intent, 

M  3 


178     Five  hundred  Traitors  in  the  House,    (juiyfjo!; 

Under  the  specious  name  of  Liberty, 

The  passive  injured  People  to  betray. 

And  it  has  ahvays  been  the  People's  fate, 

To  see  their  own  mistakes,  when  'twas  too  late ; 

Senseless  of  danger,  sleepy  and  secure, 

Till  their  distempers  grew  too  strong  to  cure  : 

Till  they  're  embraced  by  the  approaching  grave, 

And  none  but  Jove  and  miracles  can  save. 

In  vain,  bold  heroes  venture  to  redeem 
A  People  willinger  to  sink  than  swim  ! 
If  there's  a  Brutus  in  the  Nation  found, 
That  dare  Patrician  Usurpation  wound  ; 
He  's  sure  to  find  an  ignominious  grave, 
And  perish  by  the  People  he  would  save  ! 

Such  are  by  Virtue  signalised  in  vain  ! 
We  '11  own  the  Merit,  but  abuse  the  Men. 
Marius  saved  Rome,  and  was  by  Rome  despised  ; 
And  many  a  Russell  we  have  sacrificed  ! 
Then  who  for  English  Freedom  would  appear, 
Where  lives  of  patriots  are  never  dear ! 
And  streams  of  generous  blood  flow  unregarded  there.    . 

Posterity  will  be  ashamed  to  own 
The  actions  we,  their  ancestors  have  done, 
When  they,  for  ancient  precedents  enquire. 
And  to  the  Journals  of  this  Age  retire. 
To  see  One  Tyrant  banished  from  his  home. 
To  set  Five  Hundred  Traitors  in  his  room  ! 
They  '11  blush  to  find  the  Head  beneath  the  Tail, 
And  Representing  Treachery  prevail. 
They  '11  be  amazed  to  see,  there  were  but  Five 
Whose  Courage  could  their  Liberty  survive  ! 
While  we,  that  durst  Illegal  Power  dethrone. 
Should  basely  be  enslaved  by  Tyrants  of  our  own. 

FINIS. 


179 

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Daniel     Defoe. 
[Zy  E  G I  o  N'  s     Memorial.'] 


[A  copy  of  the  original  secretly  printed  4//.  4to,  in"| 
the  British  Museum  ;  Press  mark,  1093  b  35.       J 


Mr.    S  [p  e  a  k  e]  r  , 

\His  enclosed  Memorial,  you  are  charged  with  !  in  the 
behalf  of  many  thousands  of  the  good  People  of  Eng- 
land, 

There  is  neither  Popish,  Jacobite,  Seditious,  Courts 
or  Party  Interest  concerned  in  it ;  btit  Honesty  and  Truth. 

You  are  commanded  by  Two  Hundred  Thousand  Englishmen, 
to  deliver  it  to  the  H[ous]e  of  C[ommon]s,  and  to  inform  them 
that  it  is  no  banter,  but  serious  truth  ;  and  a  serious  regard  to  it 
is  expected.  Nothing  but  Justice,  and  their  Duty  is  required  :  and 
it  is  required  by  them  who  have  both  a  right  to  require,  ami  power 
to  compel,  viz.,  the  People  of  England. 

We  would  have  come  to  the  House  strong  enough  to  oblige  them 
to  hear  us  ;  but  we  have  avoided  any  tumidts :  not  desiring  to 
embroil,  but  to  save  otcr  native  country. 

If  you  refuse  to  communicate  it  to  them,  you  will  find  cause  in 
a  short  time  to  repent  it  ! 


To   R[ober]t   H[arle]y 
H[ous]e  of  C[ommon]s. 


Esq.,    S[peake]r   to    the 
These 


i8o 


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O 

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''^p   ;^^^«gB'« 

» 

^ 

The  Memorial. 

To  the  K\night\s,  C[of/i»ion]s,  atid  B[aron'\s  in  P[arltame?i]t  assembled. 

A  Memorial 

From  the  Gentlemen,  freeholders,  and  inhabitants  of  the  counties 

of ,  in  the  behalf  of  themselves,  and  many  thousands  of 

the  good  People  of  England. 

Gentlemen, 

T  WERE  to  be  wished  you  were  men  of  that 
Temper,  and  possessed  of  so  much  honour  as 
to  bear  with  the  Truth,  though  it  be  against 
you  :  especially  from  Us  who  have  so  much 
right  to  tell  it  you  :  but  since  even  Petitions 
to  you  from  your  Masters,  for  such  are  the 
people  who  choose  you,  are  so  haughtily  re- 
ceived, as  with  the  committing  the  authors  to  illegal  custody; 
you  must  give  Us  leave  to  give  you  this  fair  notice  of 
your  Misbehaviour  without  exposing  our  names. 

If  you  think  fit  to  rectify  your  errors,  you  will  do  well ! 
and  possibly  may  hear  no  more  of  Us :  but  if  not,  assure 
yourselves  the  nation  will  not  long  hide  their  resentments. 

And  though  there  is  no  stated  Proceeding  to  bring  you  to 
your  duty,  yet  the  great  law  of  Reason  says,  and  all  nations 
allow  that  whatever  Power  is  above  Law,  it  is  burdensome 
and  tyrannical ;  and  may  be  reduced  by  extrajudicial  methods. 
You  are  not   above  the   People's  resentments!     They  that 


May^ifoi.']  An  Abridgement  of  Nation's  Grievances.  i8i 

made  you  Members,  may  reduce  you  to  the  same  rank  from 
whence  they  chose  you,  and  may  give  you  a  taste  of  their 
abused  kindness,  in  terms  you  may  not  be  pleased  with. 

When  the  People  of  England  assembled  in  Convention, 
presented  the  Crown  to  His  present  Majesty;  they  annexed 
a  Declaration  of  the  Rights  of  the  People,  in  which  was  expressed 
what  was  Illegal  and  Arbitrary  in  the  former  reign,  and  what 
was  claimed,  as  of  Right,  to  be  done  by  succeeding  Kings 
of  England. 

In  like  manner,  here  follows.  Gentlemen,  a  short  Abridge- 
ment of  the  Nation's  grievances,  and  of  your  illegal  and 
unwarrantable  practices ;  and  a  Claim  of  Right,  which  we 
make  in  the  name  of  our  Selves  and  such  of  the  good  People 
of  England  as  are  justly  alarmed  at  your  proceedings. 

I.  To  raise  Funds  for  money,  and  declare  by  borrowing 
clauses  that  whosoever  advances  money  on  those  Funds,  shall 
be  reimbursed  out  of  the  next  Aids,  if  the  Funds  fall  short ; 
and  then  [to]  give  subsequent  Funds,  without  transferring  the 
deficiency  of  the  former,  is  a  horrible  cheat  on  the  Subject 
who  lent  the  money,  a  breach  of  Public  Faith,  and  destructive 
to  the  honour  and  credit  of  Parliaments. 

II.  To  imprison  men  who  are  not  your  own  Members,  by  no 
proceedings  but  a  Vote  of  your  House,  and  to  continue  them 
in  custody  sine  die,  is  Illegal,  a  notorious  breach  of  the 
Liberty  of  the  People,  setting  up  a  Dispensing  Power  in  the 
House  of  Commons  which  your  fathers  never  pretended  to, 
bidding  defiance  to  the  Habeas  Corpus  Act  which  is  the  bul- 
wark of  personal  liberty,  destructive  of  the  Laws,  and  betray- 
ing the  Trust  reposed  in  you.  The  King,  at  the  same  time, 
being  obliged  to  ask  you  leave,  to  continue  in  custody  the  horrid 
assassinators  of  his  person. 

III.  Committing  to  custody  those  Gentlemen,  who,  at  the 
command  of  the  People,  whose  servants  you  are,  and  in  a 
peaceable  way,  put  you  in  mind  of  your  duty,  is  Illegal  and 
injurious,  destructive  of  the  Subject's  liberty  of  Petitioning 
for   redress   of  grievances ;  which    has,  by  all    Parliaments 


i82   Jack  Howe  talking  Billingsgate.  [.^uk^f^Tx. 

before    you,    been    acknowledged    to   be    their    undoubted 
Right. 

IV.  Voting  a  Petition  from  the  Gentlemen  of  Kent  insolent, 
is  ridiculous  and  impertinent ;  because  the  freeholders  of 
England  are  your  superiors;  and  is  a  contradiction  in  itself, 
a  contempt  of  the  English  Freedom,  and  contrary  to  the 
nature  of  Parliamentary  Power. 

V.  Voting  people  gnilty  of  bribery  and  ill-practices,  and 
committing  them  as  aforesaid,  without  bail  ;  and  then,  upon 
submission,  and  kneeling  to  your  House,  discharging  them, 
exacting  exorbitant  fees  by  your  Officers,  is  Illegal;  betray- 
ing the  Justice  of  the  Nation,  selling  the  Liberty  of  the 
Subject,  encouraging  the  extortion  and  villany  of  Gaolers 
and  Officers,  and  discontinuing  the  legal  prosecutions  of 
offenders   in  the  ordinary  course  of  Law. 

VI.  Prosecuting  the  crime  of  bribery  in  some,  to  serve  a 
Party ;  and  then  [to]  proceed  no  further,  though  proof  lay 
before  you,  is  partial  and  unjust,  and  a  scandal  upon  the 
honour  of  Parliaments. 

VII.  Voting  the  Treaty  of  Partition  "fatal  to  Europe, 
because  it  gave  so  much  of  the  Spanish  dominions  to  the 
French,"  and  not  concerning  yourselves  to  prevent  their 
taking  possession  of  it  all ;  deserting  the  Dutch,  when  the 
French  are  at  their  doors,  till  it  be  almost  too  late  to  help 
them  :  is  unjust  to  our  Treaties,  and  unkind  to  our  Con- 
federates, dishonourable  to  the  English  nation,  and  shew  you 
very  negligent  of  the  safety  of  England  and  of  our  Protestant 
neighbours. 

VIII.  Ordering  immediate  hearings  to  trifling  Petitions, 
to  please  Parties  at  elections  ;  and  postponing  the  petition  of 
a  widow  for  the  blood  of  her  murdered  daughter  without 
giving  it  a  reading  ;  is  an  illegal  delay  of  justice,  dishonour- 
able to  the  public  Justice  of  the  nation. 

IX.  Addressing  the  King,  to  displace  his  friends  upon  bare 
surmises,  before  a  legal  trial,  or  an  Article  proved,  is  Illegal, 
inverting  the  Law,  and  making  Execution  go  before  Judge- 


14  May^itoiJTHE  PRINTED  Votes  priced  at  4D.  a  sheet,  i  S^ 

ment  :  contrary  to  the  true  sense  of  the  Law,  which  esteems 
every  man  a  good  man  till  something  appears  to  the  con- 
trary. 

X.  Delaying  proceedings  upon  Capital  Impeachments,  to 
blast  the  reputation  of  the  persons,  without  proving  the  fact, 
is  Illegal  and  oppressive,  destructive  of  the  Liberty  of  English- 
men, a  delay  of  Justice  and  a  reproach  to  Parliaments. 

XL  Suffering  saucy  and  indecent  reproaches  upon  His 
Majesty's  person  to  be  publicly  made  in  your  House  ;  par- 
ticularly by  that  Impudent  Scandal  of  Parliaments,  J[oh]n 
H[ojw[e],  without  shewing  such  resentments  as  you  ought 
to  do.  The  said  J[oh]n  H[o]w[e]  saying  openly  that  "  His 
Majesty  had  made  a  felonious  Treaty,  to  rob  his  neighbours," 
insinuating  that  the  Partition  Treaty  (which  was  every  way 
as  just  as  blowing  up  one  man's  house  to  save  another's) 
"  was  a  combination  of  the  King  to  rob  the  Crown  of  Spain  of 
its  due."  This  is  to  make  a  Billingsgate  of  the  House,  and 
setting  up  to  bully  your  Sovereign  ;  contrary  to  the  intent 
and  meaning  of  the  Freedom  of  Speech,  which  you  claim 
as  a  right ;  is  scandalous  to  Parliaments ;  undutiful  and 
unmannerly,  and  a  reproach  to  the  whole  nation. 

XII.  Your  S[peake]r  exacting  the  exorbitant  rate  of  j^io 
per  diem  for  the  V[otc]s,  and  giving  the  Printer  encourage- 
ment to  raise  it  on  the  People,  by  selling  them  at  ^d.  a  sheet, 
is  an  illegal  and  arbitrary  exaction,  dishonourable  to  the 
House,  and  burdensome  to  the  People. 

XIII.  Neglecting  still  to  pay  the  nation's  debts,  com- 
pounding for  interest,  and  postponing  Petitions,  is  Illegal, 
dishonourable,  and  destructive  of  the  Public  Faith. 

XIV.  Publicly  neglecting  the  great  work  of  Reformation 
of  Manners,  though  often  pressed  to  it  by  the  King,  to  the 
great  dishonour  of  GOD,  and  encouragement  of  vice  ;  is  a 
neglect  of  your  Duty,  and  an  abuse  of  the  Trust  reposed  in 
you  by  GOu,  His  Majesty,  and  the  People. 

XV.  Being  scandalously  vicious  yourselves,  both  in  your 
morals  and  religion,  lewd  in  life  and  erroneous  in  doctrine, 


1 84  House  of  Commons  cannot  suspend  Laws  !  [,^  uk^^ylT. 

having  public  blasphemers  and  impudent  deniers  of  the 
Divinity  of  our  Saviour  among  you  ;  and  suffering  them  un- 
reproved  and  unpunished  to  the  infinite  regret  of  all  good 
Christians,  and  the  just  abhorrence  of  the  whole  nation. 


^5J]Herefore,  in  the  said  prospect  of  the  impending 
ruin  of  our  native  country ;  while  Parliaments, 
which  ought  to  be  the  security  and  defence  of  our 
Laws  and  Constitution,  betray  their  Trust,  and 
abuse  the  people  whom  they  should  protect ;  and  no  other 
way  being  left  us  but  that  Force  which  we  are  very 
loth  to  make  use  of:  that  Posterity  may  know  we  did  not 
insensibly  fall  under  the  tyranny  of  a  prevailing  Party ;  We 
do  hereby 

Claim  and  Declare, 

1.  That  it  is  the  undoubted  Right  of  the  People  of  England, 
in  case  their  Representatives  in  Parliament  do  not  proceed 
according  to  their  Duty,  and  the  People's  Interest ;  to  inform 
of  their  dislike,  disown  their  actions,  and  to  direct  them  to 
such  things  as  they  think  fit,  either  by  Petition,  Address, 
Proposal,  Memorial,  or  any  other  peaceable  way. 

2.  That  the  House  of  Commons,  separately,  and  otherwise 
than  hy Bill  legally  passed  into  an  Act,  have  no  Legal  Power 
to  suspend  or  dispense  with  the  Laws  of  the  land  ;  any  more 
than  the  King  has,  by  his  Prerogative. 

3.  That  the  House  of  Commons  have  no  Legal  Power  to 
imprison  any  person,  or  commit  them  to  the  custody  of  Ser- 
jeants or  otherwise,  their  only  Members  excepted  ;  but  ought 
to  address  the  King,  to  cause  any  person,  on  good  grounds, 
to  be  apprehended  :  which  person,  so  apprehended,  ought  to 
have  the  benefit  of  the  Habeas  Corpus  Act;  and  be  fairly 
brought  to  trial  by  due  course  of  Law. 

4.  That  if  the  House  of  Commons,  in  breach  of  the  Laws 


i4ukytlTi]  Legion's  Orders  to  the  House.  185 

and  Liberties  of  the  people,  do  betray  the  Trust  reposed  in 
them ;  and  act  negligently  or  arbitrarily  and  illegally  :  it  is 
the  undoubted  Right  of  the  People  of  England  to  call  them 
to  an  account  for  the  same  ;  and  by  Convention,  Assembly, 
or  Force,  may  proceed  against  them,  as  traitors  and  betrayers 
of  their  country. 

These  things  we  think  proper  to  Declare,  as  the  Unques- 
tioned Right  of  the  People  of  England,  whom  you  serve. 

And  in  pursuance  of  that  Right ;  avoiding  the  ceremony 
of  Petitioning  our  inferiors  (for  such  you  are  by  your  present 
circumstances,  as  the  person  sent  is  less  than  the  sender)  : 
We  do  publicly  Protest  against  all  your  foresaid  Illegal 
Actions  ;  and,  in  the  name  of  our  Selves,  and  of  all  the  good 
People  of  England,  do 

Require  and  Demand, 

1.  That  all  the  Public  just  Debts  of  the  nation  be  forth- 
with paid  and  discharged. 

2.  That  all  persons  illegally  imprisoned  as  aforesaid,  be 
either  immediately  discharged,  or  admitted  to  bail,  as  by  Law 
they  ought  to  be  :  and  the  Liberty  of  the  Subject  recognized 
and  restored, 

3.  That  J[oh]n  H[ojw[e]  aforesaid,  be  obliged  to  ask  His 
Majesty  pardon  for  his  vile  reflections  ;  or  be  immediately 
expelled  the  House. 

4.  That  the  growing  power  of  France  be  taken  into  con- 
sideration, the  Succession  of  the  Emperor  to  the  Crown  of 
Spain  supported,  our  Protestant  neighbours  protected,  as 
the  true  Interest  of  England  and  the  Protestant  Religion 
require. 

5.  That  the  French  King  be  obliged  to  quit  Flanders,  or 
that  His  Majesty  be  addressed  to  declare  war  against  him. 

6.  That  suitable  Supplies  be  granted  to  His  Majesty,  for 
the  putting  all  these  necessary  things  in  execution  ;  and  that 


1 86  We  WILL  Not  be  slaves  to  Parliaments!  [^^  May^itol^. 

care  be  taken  that  such  taxes  as  are  raised,  may  be  more 
equally  assessed  and  collected,  and  scandalous  deficiencies 
prevented. 

7.  That  the  Thanks  of  the  House  may  be  given  to  those 
Gentlemen,  who  so  gallantly  appeared  in  the  behalf  of  their 
country,  with  the  Kentish  Petition ;  and  have  been  so  scan- 
dalously used  for  it. 


Thus,  Gentlemen,  you  have  your  Duty  laid  before  you ! 
which  it  is  hoped  you  will  think  of!  But  if  you  continue  to 
neglect  it,  you  may  expect  to  be  treated  according  to  the 
resen*  ents  of  an  injured  Nation  !  For  Englishmen  are  no 
more  to  be  Slaves  to  Parliaments,  than  to  a  King ! 

Our  name  is  Legion,  and  we  are  Many. 

Postscript. 

If  you  require  to  have  this  Memorial  signed  with  our 
Names  ;  it  shall  be  done,  on  your  first  Order :  and  per- 
sonally presented  / 


THE 

SHORTEST-WAY 

WITH    THE 

DISSENTERS: 

O  R 

PROPOSALS 

FOR    THE 

ESTABLISHMENT 

O  F    TH  E 

CHURCH. 

L  O  ND  O  N: 
Priated  in  the  Year  M  D  C  C  I  I. 


1 89 


[The  meaning  then  of  this  Paper  is,  in  short,  to  tell  these  Gentlemen  : 

1.  That  il  is  nonsense  to  go  round  about,  and  tell  us  of  the  crimes  of  the 
Dissenters  !  to  prepare  the  World  to  believe  they  are  not  fit  to  live  in 
a  human  society  ;  that  they  are  enemies  to  the  Government,  and  Law  !  to 
the  Queen,  and  the  Public  Peace,  and  the  like.  The  Shortest  Way,  and 
the  soonest,  would  be  to  tell  us  plainly  that  they  would  have  them  all 
hanged,  banished,  and  destroyed. 

2.  But  withal  to  acquaint  these  Gentlemen,  who  fancy  the  time  is  come 
to  bring  it  to  pass,  that  they  are  mistaken  !  For  that  when  the  thing 
they  mean  is  put  into  plain  English,  the  whole  nation  replies  with  the 
Assyrian  Captain,  "  Is  thy  servant  a  dog,  that  he  should  do  these 
things?" 

The  Gentlemen  are  mistaken  in  every  particular.  It  will  not  go  down  ! 
The  Queen,  the  Council,  the  Parliament  are  all  offended  to  have  it  so 
much  as  suggested,  that  such  a  thing  was  possible  to  come  into  their 
minds  :  and  not  a  man  but  a  learned  Mercer  not  far  from  the  corner  of 
Fenchurch  street,  has  been  found  to  approve  it. 

Thus  a  poor  Author  has  ventured  to  have  all  mankind  call  him 
"  Villain  ! "  and  "  Traitor  to  his  country  and  his  friends,"  for  making 
other  people's  thoughts  speak  in  his  words.  .  .  . 

As  to  expressions  which  seem  to  reflect  upon  persons  or  nations  ;  he 
declares  them  to  be  only  the  Cant  of  the  Non-juring  Party  exposed  :  and 
thinks  it  very  necessary  to  let  the  World  know  that  it  is  their  usual 
language,  with  which  they  treat  the  late  King,  the  Scotch  Union,  and  the 
Line  of  Hanover. 

It  is  hard,  after  all,  that  this  should  not  be  perceived  by  all  the  Town  ! 
that  not  one  man  can  see  it,  either  Churchman  or  Dissenter  ! 

A  brief  explanation  .  .  .  of  The  Shortest  Way.     1703. 

I'll  prove  by  the  Preachings,  Printings,  and  declared  Judgement  of 
several  of  the  most  zealous  High  Party,  that  however  the  practice  was 
disowned  by  the  Party  upon  the  unreasonable  exposing  [of]  it,  by  the 
book  called  The  Shortest  IVay  ;  yet  that  it  has  all  along  been  their 
desire,  and  very  often  their  design.  And  I  appeal  for  the  truth  of  it, 
among  many  instances,  to  a  letter  of  a  known  Churchman  \_Clergyinan'\, 
whose  original  I  have  by  me,  it  being  written  to  a  person  who  sent  him 
the  book  for  a  present. 

Sir, 

I  received  yours,  and,  enclosed,  the  book  called,  The  Shortest  Way 
with  the  Dissenters, /<7r  which  I  thank  you  :  and,  next  to  the  Holy  Bible 
and  Sacred  Comments,  I  place  it  as  the  most  valuable  thing  I  can  have. 
I  look  upon  it  as  the  Only  Method  /  and  I  pray  GOD  to  put  it  into  the 
heart  of  our  most  gracious  Queen,  to  put  what  is  there  proposed  iti 
execution. 


I90 

Here  is  the  Character  of  a  High  Churchman  drawn  to  the  life  !  But 
when,  in  a  post  or  two,  this  Gentleman  understood  it  was  written  by  a 
Dissenter  ;  in  his  next,  he  sends  up  an  invidious  Character  of  a  Whig : 
and  what,  in  his  opinion,  such  a  one  deserved. 

The  Dissenter^  Answer  to  the  High  Church  Challenge.     Ed.  1702. 


A  certain  Printer,  whose  practice  that  way  is  too  well  known  to  need 
a  name,  having  frequently  practised  the  same  thing  in  particulars  \as  to 
single  7uorks\  made  the  first  essay  in  general  [z«  a  collected  editioii\,  and 
printed  [about  January,  1703]  a  spurious  and  erroneous  copy  \text\  of 
sundry  things  which  he  called  Mine  ;  and  intituled  them,  A  Collection  oj 
the  Works  of  the  Author  ^The  True  Born  Englishman. 

And  though  the  Author  was  then  embroiled  with  the  Government,  for 
one  of  the  Pamphlets  \The  Shortest  Way]  he  collected  :  yet  had  this  man 
the  face  to  print  among  them,  the  same  Pamphlet  ;  presuming  so  far 
upon  the  partiality  of  the  Public  Resentment,  that  he  should  pass  with 
impunity,  for  the  publishing  of  that  very  thing,  for  which  the  Author  was 
to  be  pursued  with  the  utmost  severity. 

This,  as  it  was  a  full  proof,  and  most  undeniable  testimony,  that  the 
resentment  shewed  to  the  Author  was  on  some  other  and  less  justifiable 
Account  than  the  publishing  of  that  book  ;  so  was  it  a  severe  Satire,  on 
the  ignorance  and  unwariness  of  that  Ministry,  who  had  not  eyes  to  see 
their  justice  plainly  exposed,  and  their  general  proceedings  bantered  by  a 
petty  printer,  in  publishing  barefaced  and  in  defiance  of  them,  that  same 
booif,  for  which  another  man  stood  arraigned,  and  was  to  be  exposed. 

Nor  was  the  Insult  to  the  Government,  all  the  circumstance  of  guilt  in 
this  publication  :  but  the  most  absurd  and  ridiculous  mistakes  in  the 
copies  {texts]  were  such  as  rendered  it  a  double  cheat. 

First,  to  the  Author  ;  to  whom  it  was  a  most  aggravated  theft  :  first,  as 
it  was  invading  his  right ;  and  secondly,  as  it  was  done  while  he  was 
in  trouble,  and  unable  to  right  himself. 

Secondly,  to  the  Buyers,  to  whom  it  was  a  most  ridiculous  banter,  and 
the  mere  picking  of  their  pockets  ;  the  Author  having,  in  his  first 
perusal  of  it,  detected  above  350  errors  in  the  printing  ;  marring  the 
Verse,  spoiling  the  sense,  and  utterly  inverting  the  true  intent  and 
meaning. 

The  Author  having  expressed  himself,  though  in  decent  terms,  against 
the  foulness  of  this  practice  ;  the  Printer  (having  no  plea  to  the  barbarity 
of  the  fact)  justifies  it,  and  says,  "  He  will  do  the  like  by  anything  an 
Author  prints  on  his  own  account  \at  his  own  risk]  ;  since  Authors  have 
no  right  to  employ  a  printer,  unless  they  have  served  their  time  [apprett- 
ticeship]  to  a  bookseller." 

This  ridiculous  allegation  seems  to  me.  to  be  as  if  a  man's  house  being 
on  fire,  he  had  no  right  to  get  help  for  the  quenching  of  it,  of  anybody 
but  the  Insurers'  firemen. 

A  true  Collection.,  &^c.  Vol.  II.  Preface^ 


THE 
SHORTEST-WAY 

WITH    THE 

DISSENTERS, 


c. 


Ir  Roger  L'  Estrange  tells  us  a  story  in 
his  collection  of  Fables,  of  the  Cock  and  the 
Horses.  The  Cock  was  gotten  to  roost  in 
the  stable  among  the  horses;  and  there 
being  no  racks  or  other  conveniences  for 
him,  it  seems,  he  was  forced  to  roost  upon 
the  ground.  The  horses  jostling  about  for 
room,  and  putting  the  Cock  in  danger  of 
his  life,  he  gives  them  this  grave  advice,  "  Pray,  Gentlefolks  ! 
let  us  stand  still !  for  fear  we  should  tread  upon  one  another  !  " 
There  are  some  people  in  the  World,  who,  now  they  are 
unperchcd,  and  reduced  to  an  equality  with  other  people, 
and  under  strong  and  very  just  apprehensions  of  being 
further  treated  as  they  deserve,  begin,  with  Esop's  Cock,  to 
preach  up  Peace  and  Union  and  the  Christian  duty  of 
Moderation  ;  forgetting  that,  when  they  had  the  Power  in 
their  hands,  those  Graces  were  strangers  in  their  gates ! 

It  is  now,  near  fourteen  years,  [1688-1702],  that  the  glory 
and  peace  of  the  purest  and  most  flourishing  Church  in  the 
world  has  been  eclipsed,  buffeted,  and  disturbed  by  a  sort  of 
men,  whom,  GOD  in  His  Providence,  has  suffered  to  insult 
over  her,  and  bring  her  down.  These  have  been  the  days  of 
her  humiliation  and  tribulation.  She  has  borne  with  an 
invincible  patience,  the  reproach  of  the  wicked  :  and  GOD 
has  at  last  heard  her  prayers,  and  delivered  her  from  the 
oppression  of  the  stranger. 

And  now,  they  find  their  Day  is  over !  their  power  gone  ! 
and  the  throne  of  this  nation  possessed  by  a  Royal,  English, 
true,  and  ever  constant  member  of,  and  friend  to,  the  Church 
of  England  !  Now,  they  find  that  they  are  in  danger  of  the 
Church  of  England's  just  resentments  !     Now,  they  cry  out, 


**  Peace! 


Union 


Forbearance!"  and  "  Charity!"  :  as 


HE    RESENTMENTS    OF    THE    NoN-JURORS.    [,  ^ec^ 


Defoe. 

1702. 


if>fie  Church  had  not  too  long  harboured  her  enemies  under 
her  wing !  and  nourished  the  viperous  brood,  till  they  hiss 
and  fly  in  the  face  of  the  Mother  that  cherished  them  ! 

No,  Gentlemen !  the  time  of  mercy  is  past  !  your  Day  of 
Grace  is  over !  you  should  have  practised  peace,  and  mode- 
ration, and  charity,  if  you  expected  any  yourselves  ! 

We  have  heard  none  of  this  lesson,  for  fourteen  years  past! 
We  have  been  huffed  and  bullied  with  your  Act  of  Toleration  ! 
You  have  told  \is,you  are  the  Church  established  by  Law,  as 
well  as  others  !  have  set  up  your  canting  Synagogues  at  our 
Church  doors !  and  the  Church  and  her  members  have  been 
loaded  with  reproaches,  with  Oaths,  Associations,  Abjura- 
tions, and  what  not  !  Where  has  been  the  mercy,  the 
forbearance,  the  charity  you  have  shewn  to  tender  con-, 
sciences  of  the  Church  of  England  that  could  not  take  Oaths 
as  fast  as  you  made  them  ?  that  having  sworn  allegiance  to 
their  lawful  and  rightful  King,  could  not  dispense  with  that 
Oath,  their  King  being  still  alive  ;  and  swear  to  your  new 
hodge  podge  of  a  Dutch  Government  ?  These  have  been 
turned  out  of  their  Livings,  and  they  and  their  families  left 
to  starve  !  their  estates  double  taxed  to  carry  on  a  war  they 
had  no  hand   in,  and   you  got  nothing  by  ! 

What  account  can  you  give  of  the  multitudes  you  have 
forced  to  comply,  against  their  consciences,  with  your  new 
sophistical  Politics,  who,  like  New  Converts  in  France,  sin  be- 
cause they  cannot  starve  ?  And  now  the  tables  are  turned  upon 
you  ;  you  must  not  be  persecuted  !  it  is  not  a  Christian  spirit ! 

You  have  butchered  one  King  !  deposed  another  King ! 
and  made  a  Mock  King  of  a  third  !  and  yet,  you  could  have 
the  face  to  expect  to  be  employed  and  trusted  by  the  fourth  ! 
Anybody  that  did  not  know  the  temper  of  your  Party,  would 
stand  amazed  atthe  impudence  aswellasthefollyto  think  of  it ! 

Your  management  of  your  Dutch  Monarch,  who  you 
reduced  to  a  mere  King  of  Cl[ub]s,  is  enough  to  give  any 
future  Princes  such  an  idea  of  your  principles,  as  to  warn 
them  sufficiently  from  coming  into  your  clutches;  and,  GOD 
be  thanked  !  the  Queen  is  out  of  your  hands  !  knows  you  ! 
and  will  have  a  care  of  you  ! 

There  is  no  doubt  but  the  Supreme  Authority  of  a  nation 
has  in  itself,  a  Power,  and  a  right  to  that  Power,  to  execute 
the  Laws  upon  any  part  of  that   nation  it  governs.      The 


Defoe 
1702 


:]  James  I.  should  have  cleared  out  Puritans!  193 


execution  of  the  known  Laws  of  the  land,  and  that  with  but 
a  gentle  hand  neither,  was  all  that  the  Fanatical  Party  of 
this  land  have  ever  called  Persecution.  This  the}^  have 
magnified  to  a  height,  that  the  sufferings  of  the  Huguenots 
in  France  were  not  to  be  compared  with  them.  Now  to 
execute  the  known  Laws  of  a  nation  upon  those  who  trans- 
gress them,  after  having  first  been  voluntarily  consenting 
to  the  making  of  those  Laws,  can  never  be  called  Perse- 
cution, but  Justice.  But  Justice  is  always  Violence  to  the 
party  offending !  for  every  man  is  innocent  in  his  o\vn  eyes. 

The  first  execution  of  the  Laws  against  Dissenters  in 
England,  was  in  the  days  of  King  James  L;  and  what  did  it 
amount  to  ?  Truly,  the  worst  they  suffered  was,  at  their  own 
request,  to  let  them  go  to  New  England,  and  erect  a  new 
colony ;  and  give  them  great  privileges,  grants,  and  suitable 
powers ;  keep  them  under  protection,  and  defend  them 
against  all  invaders;  and  receive  no  taxes  or  revenue  from  them! 

This  was  the  cruelty  of  the  Church  of  England!  Fatal  lenity!' 
It  was  the-niin  of  that  excellent  Prince,  King  Charles  L 
Had  King  James  sent  all  the  Puritans  in  England  away  to 
the  West  Indies  ;  we  had  been  a  national  unmixed  Church  ! 
the  Church  of  England  had  been  kept  undivided  and  entire  ! 

To  requite  the  lenity  of  the  Father,  they  take  up  arms 
against  the  Son,  conquer,  pursue,  take,  imprison,  and  at  last 
to  death  the  Anointed  of  GOD,  and  destroy  the  very  Being 
and  Nature  of  Government :  setting  up  a  sordid  Impostor, 
who  had  neither  title  to  govern,  nor  understanding  to  manage, 
but  supplied  that  want,  with  power,  bloody  and  desperate 
counsels  and  craft,  without  conscience. 

Had  not  King  James  I.  withheld  the  full  execution  of  the 
Laws :  had  he  given  them  strict  justice,  he  had  cleared  the 
nation  of  them  I  And  the  consequences  had  been  plain  ;  his 
son  had  never  been  murdered  by  them,  nor  the  Monarchy 
overwhelmed.  It  was  too  much  mercy  shewn  them  that 
was  the  ruin  of  his  posterity,  and  the  ruin  of  the  nation's 
peace.  One  would  think  the  Dissenters  should  not  have  the 
face  to  believe,  that  we  are  to  be  wheedled  and  canted  into 
Peace  and  Toleration,  when  they  know  that  they  have  once 
requited  us  with  a  Civil  War,  and  once  with  an  intolerable 
and  unrighteous  Persecution,  for  our  former  civility. 

Nay,  to  encourage  us  to  be  easy  with  them,  it  is  apparent 
N  3 


^. 


uS^- 


194   ^  HISTORY  OF  THE  ChARITY  OF  THE  ChURCH.  [Dec!^^^"' 

that  they  never  had  the  upper  hand  of  the  Church,  but  they 
treated  her  with  all  the  severity,  with  all  the  reproach  and 
contempt  as  was  possible !  What  Peace  and  what  Mercy 
did  they  shew  the  loyal  Gentry  of  the  Church  of  England,  in 
the  time  of  their  triumphant  Commonwealth  ?  How  did 
they  put  all  the  Gentry  of  England  to  ransom,  whether  they 
were  actually  in  arms  for  the  King  or  not!  making  people 
compound  for  their  estates,  and  starve  their  families!  How 
did  they  treat  the  Clergy  of  the  Church  of  England!  sequester 
the  Ministers!  devour  the  patrimony  of  the  Church,  and  divide 
the  spoil,  by  sharing  the  Church  lands  among  their  soldiers, 
and  turning  her  Clergy  out  to  starve  !  Just  such  measure 
as  they  have  meted,  should  be  measured  to  them  again  ! 

Charity  and  Love  is  the  known  doctrine  of  the  Church  of 
England,  and  it  is  plain  She  has  put  it  in  practice  towards 
the  Dissenters,  even  beyond  what  they  ought  [deserved],  till 
She  has  been  wanting  to  herself,  and  in  effect  unkind  to  her 
own  sons :  particularly,  in  the  too  much  lenity  of  King 
James  I.,  mentioned  before.  Had  he  so  rooted  the  Puritans 
from  the  face  of  the  land,  which  he  had  an  opportunity  early 
to  have  done  ;  they  had  not  had  the  power  to  vex  the  Church, 
as  since  they  have  done. 

In  the  days  of  King  Charles  II.,  how  did  the  Church 
reward  their  bloody  doings,  with  lenity  and  mercy  !  Except 
the  barbarous  Regicides  of  the  pretended  Court  of  Justice, 
not  a  soul  suffered,  for  all  the  blood  in  an  unnatural  war  ! 
King  Charles  came  in  all  mercy  and  love,  cherished  them, 
preferred  them,  employed  them,  withheld  the  rigour  of  the 
Law;  and  oftentimes,  even  against  the  advice  of  his  Parlia- 
ment, gave  them  Liberty  of  Conscience  :  and  how  did  they 
requite  him  ?  With  the  villanous  contrivance  to  depose  and 
murder  him  and  his  successor,  at  the  Rye  [House]  Plot ! 

King  James  [II.],  asif  mercy  was  the  inherent  quality  of  the 
Family,  began  his  reign  with  unusual  favour  to  them.  Nor 
could  their  joining  with  the  Duke  of  Monmouth  against  him, 
move  him  to  do  himself  justice  upon  them.  But  that  mis- 
taken Prince,  thinking  to  win  them  by  gentleness  and  love, 
proclaimed  a  Universal  Liberty  to  them  !  and  rather  dis- 
countenanced the  Church  of  England  than  them!  How  they 
requited  him,  all  the  World  knows ! 

The  late  reign  [William  III.]  is  too  fresh  in  the  memory 


,Dec^f702:]   Kirk    Intolerance   of    Episcopalians.     195 

of  all  the  World  to  need  a  comment.  How  under  pretence 
of  joining  with  the  Church  in  redressing  some  grievances, 
they  pushed  things  to  that  extremity,  in  conjunction  with 
some  mistaken  Gentlemen,  as  to  depose  the  late  King  :  as  if 
the  grievance  of  the  Nation  could  not  have  been  redressed 
but  by  the  absolute  ruin  of  the  Prince  ! 

Here  is  an  instance  of  their  Temper,  their  Peace,  and 
Charity  1 

To  what  height  they  carried  themselves  during  the  reign 
of  a  King  of  their  own  !  how  they  crope  [creeped]  into  all 
Places  of  Trust  and  Profit !  how  they  insinuated  themselves 
into  the  favour  of  the  King,  and  were  at  first  preferred  to  the 
highest  Places  in  the  nation !  how  they  engrossed  the 
Ministry  !  and,  above  all,  how  pitifully  they  managed!  is  too 
plain  to  need  any  remarks. 

But  particularly,  their  Mercy  and  Charity,  the  spirit  of 
Union,  they  tell  us  so  much  of,  has  been  remarkable  in 
Scotland.  If  any  man  would  see  the  spirit  of  a  Dissenter, 
let  him  look  into  Scotland !  There,  they  made  entire  con- 
quest of  the  Church  I  trampled  down  the  sacred  Orders  and 
suppressed  the  Episcopal  Government,  with  an  absolute,  and, 
as  they  supposed,  irretrievable  victory  I  though  it  is  possible, 
they  may  find  themselves  mistaken  ! 

Now  it  would  bea  very  proper  question  to  asktheir  impudent 
advocate,  the  Observator,  "  Pray  how  much  mercy  and  favour 
did  the  members  of  the  Episcopal  Church  find  in  Scotland, 
from  the  Scotch  Presbyterian  Government  ?  and  I  shall 
undertake  for  the  Church  of  England,  that  the  Dissenters 
shall  still  receive  as  much  here,  though  they  deserve  but  little. 

In  a  small  treatise  of  The  Sufferings  of  the  Episcopal  Clergy 
in  Scotland,  it  will  appear  what  usage  they  met  with  !  How 
they  not  only  lost  their  Livings ;  but,  in  several  places,  were 
plundered  and  abused  in  their  persons  !  the  Ministers  that 
could  not  conform,  were  turned  out,  with  numerous  families 
and  no  maintenance,  and  hardly  charity  enough  left  to  relieve 
them  with  a  bit  of  bread.  The  cruelties  of  the  Party  were 
innumerable,  and  are  not  to  be  attempted  in  this  short  Piece. 

And  now,  to  prevent  the  distant  cloud  which  they  perceive 
to  hang  over  their  heads  from  England,  with  a  true  Presby- 
terian policy,  they  put  it  for  a  Union  of  Nations !  that 
England  might  unite  their  Church  with  the  Kirk  of  Scotland, 


196    Scoffing  at   Scotch   enactments.   \_,^^l 


D.  Deroe. 
70a. 


and  their  Assembly  of  Scotch  canting  Long-Cloaks  in  our 
Convocation.  What  might  have  been,  if  our  Fanatic 
Whiggish  Statesmen  continued,  GOD  only  knows  !  but  we 
hope  we  are  out  of  fear  of  that  now. 

It  is  alleged  b)'  some  of  the  faction,  and  they  have  begun 
to  bully  us  with  it,  that  "  if  we  won't  unite  with  them,  they 
will  not  settle  the  Crown  with  us  again  ;  but  when  Her 
Majesty  dies,  will  choose  a  King  for  themselves !  " 

If  they  won't  we  must  make  them  !  and  it  is  not  the  first 
time  we  have  let  them  know  that  we  are  able  !  The  Crowns 
of  these  Kingdoms  have  not  so  far  disowned  the  Right 
of  Succession,  but  they  may  retrieve  it  again ;  and  if  Scot- 
land thinks  to  come  off  from  a  Successive  to  an  Elective 
State  of  Government ;  England  has  not  promised,  not  to 
assist  the  Right  Heir,  and  put  him  into  possession,  without 
any  regards  to  their  ridiculous  Settlements, 

THESE  are  the  Gentlemen  !  these,  their  ways  of  treating 
the  Church,  both  at  home  and  abroad  ! 


Now  let  us  examine  the  Reasons  they  pretend  to  give,  why 
we  should  be  favourable  to  them  ?  why  we  should  continue 
and  tolerate  them  among  us  ? 

First.  They  are  very  numerous,  they  say.  They  are  a  great 
part  of  the  nation^  and  we  cannot  suppress  them  ! 

To  this,  may  be  answered. 

First.  They  are  not  so  numerous  as  the  Protestants  in 
France  :  and  yet  the  French  King  effectually  cleared  the 
nation  of  them,  at  once ;  and  we  don't  find  he  misses  them 
at  home  ! 

But  I  am  not  of  the  opinion,  they  are  so  numerous  as  is 
pretended.  Their  Party  is  more  numerous  than  their  Per- 
sons; and  those  mistaken  people  of  the  Church  who  are 
misled  and  deluded  by  their  wheedling  artifices  to  join  with 
them,  make  their  Party  the  greater :  but  those  will  open 
their  eyes  when  the  Government  shall  set  heartily  about  the 
Work,  and  come  off  from  them,  as  some  animals,  which  they 
say,  always  desert  a  house  when  it  is  likely  to  fall. 

Secondly.  The  more  numerous,  the  more  dangerous;  and 
therefore    the  more  need  to  suppress  them  !  and  GOD   has 


rl.  .^^ 


I  Dec^it^:]  Dissenters  likened  to  the  debased  coin.  197 

suffered  us  to  bear  them  as  goads  in  our  sides,  for  not  utterly 
extinguishing  them  long  ago. 

Thirdly.  If  we  are  to  allow  them,  only  because  we  cannot 
suppress  them ;  then  it  ought  to  be  tried,  Whether  we  can 
or  not  ?  And  I  am  of  opinion,  it  is  easy  to  be  done !  and 
could  prescribe  Ways  and  Means,  if  it  were  proper :  but  I 
doubt  not  the  Government  will  find  effectual  methods  for 
the  rooting  of  the  contagion  from  the  face  of  this  land. 

Another  argument  they  use,  which  is  this.     That  this  is  a  time 
of  war,  and  we  have  need  to  unite  against  the  common  enemy. 

We  answer,  This  common  enemy  had  been  no  enemy,  if 
they  had  not  made  him  so  !  He  was  quiet,  in  peace,  and  no 
way  disturbed  and  encroached  upon  us ;  and  we  know  no 
reason  we  had  to  quarrel  with  him. 

But  further.  We  make  no  question  but  we  are  able  to  deal 
with  this  common  enemy  without  their  help  :  but  why  must 
we  unite  with  them,  because  of  the  enemy  ?  WTirthey  go 
over  to  the  enemy,  if  we  do  not  prevent  it,  by  a  Union  with 
them  ?  We  are  very  well  contented  [that]  they  should  !  and 
make  no  question,  we  shall  be  ready  to  deal  with  them  and 
the  common  enemy  too  ;  and  better  without  them  than  with 
them  1  Besides,  if  we  have  a  common  enemy,  there  is  the 
more  need  to  be  secure  against  our  private  enemies!  If 
there  is  one  common  enemy,  we  have  the  less  need  to  have 
an  enemy  in  our  bowels  ! 

It   was  a   great    argument    some    people    used    against  riJ^ 
suppressing  the  Old  Money,  that  "  it  was  a  time  of  war,  and  ^  '^^ 
it  was  too  great  a  risque  [risk]  for  the  nation  to  run  !     If  we  '  •  -"v-a. 
should  not  master  it,  we  should  be  undone  !  "     And  yet  the         --r— 
sequel  proved  the  hazard  was  not  so  great,  but  it  might  be 
mastered,    and   the    success    [i.e.,    of  the   new  coinage]    was 
answerable.     The  suppressing  the  Dissenters  is  not  a  harder 
work  !  nor  a  work  of  less  necessity  to  the  Public  !     We  can 
never  enjoy  a  settled  uninterrupted  union  and  tranquility  in 
this  nation,  till  the  spirit  of  Whiggism,  Faction,  and  Schism 
is  melted  down  like  the  Old  Money ! 

To  talk  of  difficulty  is  to  frighten  ourselves  with  Chimeras 
and  notions  of  a  powerful  Party,  which  are  indeed  a  Party 
without     power.     Difficulties    often     appear    greater    at    a 


n. 


'^-'V^ 


The    Dissenters    are    impotent!    [, ^ec 


Defoe 
702. 


distance  than  when  they  are  searched  into  with  judgement, and 
distinguished  from  the  vapours  and  shadows  that  attend  them. 
We  are  not  to  be  frightened  with  it !  This  Age  is  wiser 
than  that,  by  all  our  own  experience,  and  theirs  too  !  King 
Charles  I.  had  early  suppressed  this  Party,  if  he  had  taken 
more  deliberate  measures  1  In  short,  it  is  not  worth 
arguing,  to  talk  of  their  arms.  Their  Monmouths,  and 
Shaftesburys,  and  Argyles  are  gone  !  Their  Dutch  Sanc- 
tury  is  at  an  end  !  Heaven  has  made  way  for  their  destruc- 
tion !  and  if  we  do  not  close  with  the  Divine  occasion,  we 
are  to  blame  ourselves  !  and  may  hereafter  remember,  that 
we  had,  once,  an  opportunity  to  serve  the  Church  of 
England,  by  extirpating  her  implacable  enemies  ;  and  having 
let  slip  the  Minute  that  Heaven  presented,  may  experimen- 
tally complain,  Post  est  Occasio  Calvo  ! 

Here  are  some  popular  Objections  in  the  way. 

As  First,  The  Queen  has  promised  them,  to  continue  them  in 
their  tolerated  Liberty ;  and  has  told  us  She  will  be  a  reli- 
gious observer  of  her  word. 

What  Her  Majesty  will  do,  we  cannot  help  !  but  what,  as 
the  Head  of  the  Church,  she  ought  to  do,  is  another  case. 
Her  Majesty  has  promised  to  protect  and  defend  the  Church 
of  England,  and  if  she  cannot  effectually  do  that,  without 
the  destruction  of  the  Dissenters;  she  must,  of  course, 
dispense  with  one  promise  to  comply  with  another! 

rUit  to  answer  this  cavil  more  effectually.  Her  Majesty  did 
never  promise  to  maintain  the  Toleration  to  the  destruction 
of  the  Church  ;  but  it  was  upon  supposition  that  it  may  be 
compatible  with  the  well-being  and  safety  of  the  Church, 
which  she  had  declared  she  would  take  especial  care  of. 
Now  if  these  two  Interests  clash,  it  is  plain  Her  Majesty's 
intentions  are  to  uphold,  protect,  defend,  and  establish  the 
Church  !  and  this,  we  conceive  is  impossible  [that  is,  while 
maintaining  the  Toleration], 

Perhaps  it  may  be  said.  That  the  Church  is  in  no  immediate 
danger  from  the  Dissenters ;  and  therefore  it  is  time  enough. 

But  this  is  a  weak  answer.  For  first.  If  the  danger  be 
real,  the  distance  of  it  is  no  argument  against,  but  rather  a 
spur  to  quicken  us  to  Prevention,  lest  it  be  too  late  hereafter. 


Not  Fire  &  Faggot,  but  Delenda  est  Carthago!  i  99  * 

And  secondly.  Here  is  the  opportunity,  and  the  only  one 
perhaps,  that  ever  the  Church  had  to  secure  herself,  and 
destroy  her  enemies. 

The  Representatives  of  the  Nation  have  now  an  oppor- 
tunity !  The  Time  is  come,  which  all  good  men  have 
wished  for  !  that  the  Gentlemen  of  England  may  serve  the 
Church  of  England,  now  they  are  protected  and  encouraged 
by  a  Church  of  England  Queen  ! 

What  will  you  do  for  your  Sister  in  the  day  that  she  shall  be 
spoken  for  ? 

If  ever  you  will  establish  the  best  Christian  Church  in  the 
World  ? 

If  ever  you  will  suppress  the  Spirit  of  Enthusiasm? 

If  ever  you  will  free  the  nation  from  the  viperous  brood  that 
have  so  long  sucked  the  blood  of  their  Mother  ? 

If  ever  you  will  leave  your  Posterity  free  from  faction  and 
rebellion,  this  is  the  time  !     This  is  the  time  to  pull  up  this 
heretical  Weed  of  Sedition,  that  has  so  long  disturbed  the         . 
Peace  of  the  Church,  and  poisoned  the  good  corn  !  ^ 

But,  says  another  hot  and  cold  Objector,  This  is  renewing 

Fire  and  Faggot !  reviving  the  Act,  De  heretico  combu- 

rendo  /     This  will  he  cruelty  in  its  nature  I  and  barbarous 

to  all  the  World  ! 

I  answer.    It   is  cruelty  to  kill  a  snake  or  a  toad  in  cold 

blood,  but  the  poison  of  their  nature  makes  it  a  charity  to 

our  neighbours,    to    destroy   those  creatures !    not   for  any 

personal  injury  received,  but  for  prevention  ;  not  for  the  evil 

they^.have   done,    but    the    evil    they    may   do!      Serpents, 

toads,  vipers,  &c.,  are  noxious  to  the  body,  and  poison  the 

sensitive  life  :  these  poison  the  soul  !  corrupt  our  posterity  ! 

ensnare  our   children  !  destroy  the  vitals  of  our  happiness, 

our  future  felicity  !  and  contaminate  the  whole  mass  ! 

Shall  any  Law  be  given  to  such  wild  creatures !  Some 
beasts  are  for  sport,  and  the  huntsmen  give  them  the  advan- 
tages of  ground :  but  some  are  knocked  on  the  head,  by  all 
possible  ways  of  violence  and  surprise  ! 

I  do  not  prescribe  Fire  and  Faggot  !  but  as  SciPio  said  of 
Carthage,  Delenda  est  Carthago  !  They  are  to  be  rooted  out 
of  this  nation,  if  ever  we  will  live  in  peace  !  serve  GOD  !  or 
enjoy    our   own  !     As  for  the  manner,  I   leave   it  to   those 


I    200  Dissenters,  a  race  of  Poisioned  Spirits.  [,  ^-^^f^"^;, 

hands,  who  have  a  Right  to  execute  GOD's  Justice  on  the 
Nation's  and  the  Church's  enemies. 

But  if  we  must  be  frighted  from  this  Justice,  under  the[se] 
specious  pretences,  and  odious  sense  of  cruelty;  nothing 
will  be  effected !  It  will  be  more  barbarous  to  our  own 
children  and  dear  posterit}^  when  they  shall  reproach  their 
fathers,  as  we  ours,  and  tell  us  [!] ,"  You  had  an  Opportunity 
to  root  out  this  cursed  race  from  the  World,  under  the  favour 
and  protection  of  a  True  Church  of  England  Queen  !  and  out 
of  your  foolish  pity,  you  spared  them :  because,  forsooth,  you 
would  not  be  cruel  !  And  now  our  Church  is  suppressed  and 
persecuted,  our  Religion  trampled  under  foot,  our  estates 
plundered  ;  our  persons  imprisoned,  and  dragged  to  gaols, 
gibbets,  and  scaffolds  !  Your  sparing  this  Amalekite  race  is 
our  destruction  !  Your  mercy  to  them,  proves  cruelty  to 
your  poor  posterity! " 

How  just  will  such  reflections  be,  when  our  posterity  shall 
fall  under  the  merciless  clutches  of  this  uncharitable  Genera- 
tion !  when  our  Church  shall  be  swallowed  up  in  Schism, 
Faction,  Enthusiasm,  and  Confusion !  when  our  Govern- 
ment shall  be  devolved  upon  Foreigners,  and  our  Monarchy 
dwindled  into  a  Republic  ! 

It  would  be  more  rational  for  us,  if  we  must  spare  this 
Generation,  to  summon  our  own  to  a  general  massacre  :  and 
as  we  have  brought  them  into  the  World  free,  to  send  them 
out  so  ;  and  not  betray  them  to  destruction  by  our  supine 
negligence,  and  then  cry  "  It  is  mercy  ! " 

Moses  was  a  merciful  meek  man  ;  and  yet  with  what  fury 
did  he  run  through  the  camp,  and  cut  the  throats  of  three 
and  thirty  thousand  of  his  dear  Israelites  that  were  fallen 
into  idolatry.  What  was  the  reason  ?  It  was  mercy  to  the 
rest,  to  make  these  examples  !  to  prevent  the  destruction  of 
the  w^hole  army. 

How  many  millions  of  future  souls,  [shall]  we  save  from 
infection  and  delusion,  if  the  present  race  of  Poisoned  Spirits 
were  purged  from  the  face  of  the  land  ! 

It  is  vain  to  trifle  in  this  matter!  The  light  foolish 
handling  of  them  by  mulcts,  fines,  &;c. ;  'tis  their  glory 
and  their  advantage!  If  the  Gallows  instead  of  the 
Counter,  and   the  galleys  instead  of  the  liTies  ;   were  the 


tS'^^ilol'^  Selling  Religion  for  9s.  a  iMonth.  201 

reward  of  going  to  a  conventicle,  to  preach  or  hear,  there  would 
not  be  so  man}-  sufferers  !  The  spirit  of  martyrdom  is  over  ! 
They  that  will  go  to  church  to  be  chosen  Sheriffs  and 
Mayors,  would  go  to  forty  churches,  rather  than  be  hanged ! 

If  one  severe  Law  were  made,  and  punctually  executed, 
that  Whoever  was  found  at  a  Conventicle  should  be  banished  the 
nation,  and  the  Preacher  be  hanged ;  we  should  soon  see  an 
end  of  the  tale  !  They  would  all  come  to  church  again,  and 
one  Age  [generation]  would  make  us  all  One  again  ! 

To  talk  of  Five  Shillings  a  month  for  not  coming  to  the 
Sacrament,  and  One  Shilling  per  week,  for  not  coming  to 
Church  :  this  is  such  a  way  of  converting  people  as  was 
never  known  !  This  is  selling  them  a  liberty  to  transgress, 
for  so  much  money  !^^ 

If  it  be  not  a  crime,  why  don't  we  give  them  full  license  ? 
and  if  it  be,  no  price  ought  to  compound  for  the  committing 
of  it !  for  that  is  selling  a  liberty  to  people  to  sin  against 
GOD  and  the  Government  ! 

If  it  be  a  crime  of  the  highest  consequence,  both  against 
the  peace  and  welfare  of  the  nation,  the  Glory  of  GOD,  the 
good  of  the  Church,  and  the  happiness  of  the  soul  :  let  us 
rank  it  among  capital  offences !  and  let  it  receive  a  punish- 
ment in  proportion  to  it ! 

We  hang  men  for  triiles,  and  banish  them  for  things  not 
worth  naming;  but  that  an  offence  against  GOD  and  the 
Church,  against  the  welfare  of  the  World,  and  the  dignity  of 
Religion  shall  be  bought  off  for  Five  Shillings  :  this  is 
such  a  shame  to  a  Christian  Government,  that  it  is  with 
regret  I  transmit  it  to  posterity. 

If  men    sin  against  GOD,  affront   His   ordinances,  rebel* 
against  His  Church,  and  disobey  the  precepts  of  their  supe- 
riors ;  let  them  suffer,  as  such  capital  crimes  deserve  !  so  will 
Religion  flourish,  and  this  divided  nation  be  once  again  united. 

And  yet  the  title  of  barbarous  and  cruel  will  soon  be  taken 
off  from  this  Law  too.  I  am  not  supposing  that  all  the 
Dissenters  in  England  should  be  hanged  or  banished.  But 
as  in  case  of  rebellions  and  insurrections,  if  a  few  of  the 
ringleaders  suffer,  the  multitude  are  dismissed  ;  so  a  few 
obstinate  people  being  made  examples,  there  is  no  doubt 
but  the  severity  of  the  Law  would  find  a  stop  in  the  compli- 
ance of  the  multitude. 


202  Dissenters  suppressed,  quiet  will  come!  \_rE^^zl°o2. 

To  make  the  reasonableness  of  this  matter  out  of  question, 
and  more  unanswerably  plain,  let  us  examine  for  what  it  is, 
that  this  nation  is  divided  into  Parties  and  factions  ?  and  let 
us  see  how  they  can  justify  a  Separation  ?  or  we  of  the 
Church  of  England  can  justify  our  bearing  the  insults  and 
inconveniences  of  the  Party. 

One  of  their  leading  Pastors,  and  a  man  of  as  much  learn- 
ing as  most  among  them,  in  his  Answer  to  a  Pamphlet 
entituled  An  Enquiry  into  the  Occasional  Conformity,  hath 
these  words,  p.  27  :  **  Do  the  Religion  of  the  Church  and 
the  Meeting  Houses  make  two  religions  ?  Wherein  do  they 
differ  ?  The  Substance  of  the  same  Religion  is  common  to 
them  both,  and  the  Modes  and  Accidents  are  the  things  in 
which  only  they  differ."  P.  28:  "Thirty-nine  Articles  are 
given  us  for  the  Summary  of  our  Religion  :  thirty-six  contain 
the  Substance  of  it,  wherein  we  agree ;  three  are  additional 
Appendices,  about  which  we  have  some  differences." 

Now,  if  as,  by  their  own  acknowledgement,  the  Church  of 
England  is  a  true  Church  ;  and  the  difference  is  only  in  a  few 
"  Modes  and  Accidents  "  :  why  should  we  expect  that  they  will 
suffer  the  gallows  and  galleys,  corporal  punishment  and  ban- 
ishment, for  these  trifles  ?  There  is  no  question,  but  they  will 
be  wiser  !  Even  their  own  principles  won't  bear  them  out  in  it ! 

They  will  certainly  comply  with  the  Laws,  and  with 
Reason  !  And  though,  at  the  first,  severity  may  seem  hard, 
the  next  Age  will  feel  nothing  of  it  !  the  contagion  will  be 
rooted  out.  The  disease  being  cured,  there  will  be  no  need 
of  the  operation  !  But  if  they  should  venture  to  transgress, 
and  fall  into  the  pit ;  all  the  World  must  condemn  their 
obstinacy,  as  being  without  ground  from  their  own  principles. 

Thus  the  pretence  of  cruelty  will  be  taken  off,  and  the 
Party  actual  suppressed  ;  and  the  disquiets  they  have  so 
often  brought  upon  the  Nation,  prevented. 

Their  numbers  and  their  wealth  make  them  haughty  ;  and 
that  is  so  far  from  being  an  argument  to  persuade  us  to  for- 
bear them,  that  it  is  a  warning  to  us,  without  any  more 
delay,  to  reconcile  them  to  the  Unity  of  the  Church,  or 
remove  them  from  us. 

At  present,  Heaven  be  praised  !  they  are  not  so  formidable 
as  they  have  been,  and  it  is  our  own  fault  if  ever  we  suffer 
them  to  be  so  I     Providence  and  the  Church  of  Endand 


I  EiJ^fjoti  Anticipations  of  the  first  two  Georges.  203 

seem  to  join  in  this  particular,  that  now,  the  Destroyers  of 
the  Nation's  Peace  may  be  overturned  !  and  to  this  end,  the 
present  opportunity  seems  toj)ut  into  our  hands. 

To  this  end,  Her  present  Majesty  seems  reserved  to  enjoy 
the  Crown,  that  the  Ecclesiastic  as  well  as  Civil  Rights  of 
the  Nation  may  be  restored  by  her  hand. 

To  this  end,  the  face  of  affairs  has  received  such  a  turn  in 
the  process  of  a  few  months  as  never  has  been  before.  The 
leading  men  of  the  Nation,  the  universal  cry  of  the  People, 
the  unanimous  request  of  the  Clergy  agree  in  this,  that  the 
Deliverance  of  our  Church  is  at  hand  ! 

For  this  end,  has  Providence  given  such  a  Parliament  ! 
such  a  Convocation  !  such  a  Gentry  !  and  such  a  Queen  !  as 
we  never  had  before. 

And  what  may  be  the  consequences  of  a  neglect  of  such 
opportunities  ?  The  Succession  of  the  Crown  has  but  a  dark 
prospect  !  Another  Dutch  turn  may  make  the  hopes  of  it 
ridiculous,  and  the  practice  impossible  !  Be  the  House  of 
our  future  Princes  ever  so  well  inclined,  they  will  be 
Foreigners  !  Many  years  will  be  spent  in  suiting  the  Genius 
of  Strangers  to  this  Crown,  and  the  Interests  of  the  Nation  ! 
and  how  many  Ages  it  may  be,  before  the  English  throne  be 
filled  with  so  much  zeal  and  candour,  so  much  tenderness 
and  hearty  affection  to  the  Church,  as  we  see  it  now  covered 
with,  who  can  imagine  ? 

It  is  high  time,  then,  for  the  friends  of  the  Church  of 
England  to  think  of  building  up  and  establishing  her  in  such 
a  manner,  that  she  may  be  no  more  invaded  by  Foreigners, 
nor  divided  by  factions,  schisms,  and  error. 

If  this  could  be  done  by  gentle  and  easy  methods,  I  should 
be  glad  !  but  the  wound  is  corroded,  the  vitals  begin  to 
mortify,  and  nothing  but  amputation  of  members  can  com- 
plete the  cure  !  All  the  ways  of  tenderness  and  compassion, 
all  persuasive  arguments  have  been  made  use  of  in  vain  ! 

The  humour  of  the  Dissenters  has  so  increased  among  the 
people,  that  they  hold  the  Church  in  defiance !  and  the 
House  of  GOD  is  an  abomination  among  them  !  Nay,  they 
have  brought  up  their  posterity  in  such  prepossessed 
aversion  to  our  Holy  Religion,  that  the  ignorant  mob  think 
we  are  all  idolators  and  worshippers  of  Baal  !  and  account 


204    Now,    LET    US    CRUCIFY   THE    THIEVES  !    [,  Dec^fJ°^. 

it  a  sin  to  come  within  the  walls  of  our  churches !  The 
primitive  Christians  were  not  more  shy  of  a  heathen  temple, 
or  of  meat  offered  to  idols  ;  nor  the  Jews,  of  swine's  flesh, 
than  some  of  our  Dissenters  are  of  the  church  and  the 
Divine  Service  solemnized  therein. 

The  Obstinacy  must  be  rooted  out,  with  the  profession  of  it ! 
While  the  Generation  are  left  at  liberty  daily  to  affront  GOD 
Almighty,  and  dishonour  His  holy  worship  ;  we  are  wanting  in 
our  duty  to  GOD,  and  to  our  Mother  the  Church  of  England, 

How  can  we  answer  it  to  GOD  !  to  the  Church  !  and  to 
our  posterity ;  to  leave  them  entangled  with  Fanaticism  ! 
Error,  and  Obstinacy,  in  the  bowels  of  the  nation  ?  to  leave 
them  an  enemy  in  their  streets,  that,  in  time,  may  involve 
them  in  the  same  crimes,  and  endanger  the  utter  extirpation 
of  the  Religion  of  the  Nation  ! 

What  is  the  difference  betwixt  this,  and  being  subject  to 
the  power  of  the  Church  of  Rome  ?  from  whence  we  have 
reformed.  If  one  be  an  extreme  to  the  one  hand,  and  one  on 
another:  it  is  equally  destructive  to  the  Truth  to  have  errors 
settled  among  us,  let  them  be  of  what  nature  they  will !  Both 
are  enemies  of  our  Church,  and  of  our  peace  1  and  why  should 
it  not  be  as  criminal  to  admit  an  Enthusiast  as  a  Jesuit  ?  why 
should  the  Papist  with  his  Seven  Sacraments  be  worse  than 
the  Quaker  with  no  Sacraments  at  all  ?  Why  should  Religious 
Houses  be  more  intolerable  than  Meeting  Houses  ? 

Alas,  the  Church  of  England  !  What  with  Popery  on  one 
hand,  and  Schismatics  on  the  other,how  has  She  been  crucified 
between  two  thieves.    Now,  let  us  crucify  the  thieves! 

Let  her  foundations  be  established  upon  the  destruction  of 
her  enemies  !  The  doors  of  Mercy  being  always  open  to  the 
returning  part  of  the  deluded  people,  let  the  obstinate  be 
iruled  with  the  rod  of  iron  ! 

Let  all  true  sons  of  so  holy  and  oppressed  a  Mother,  exas- 
Iperated  by  her  afflictions,  harden  their  hearts  against  those 
who  have  oppressed  her  ! 

And  may  GOD  Almighty  put  it  into  the  hearts  of  all  the  friends 
of  Truth,  to  lift  up  a  Standard  against  Pride  and 
Antichrist  !  that  the  Posterity  of  the  Sons  of  Error  may 
be  rooted  out  from  the  face  of  this  land,  for  ever  I 

FINIS. 


HYMN 


TO     THE 


PILLORY. 


••^••»"5i--^"-a-n--^ 

••^i-sj-js- 
-a- 


I.  O  NDON: 
Printed  in   the  Year,   M  D  C  C  I  1 1 


2o6 


[London,  July  31  [1703].  On  [Thursday]  the  29th  instant,  Daniel  Foe 
alias  De  Foe,  stood  in  the  Pillory  before  the  Royal  Exchange  in  Corn- 
hill,  as  he  did  yesterday  near  the  Conduit  in  Cheapside,  and  this  day  at 
Temple  Bar  ;  in  pursuance  of  the  sentence  given  against  him,  at  the  last 
Sessions  at  the  Old  Bailey,  for  writing  and  publishing  a  seditious  libel, 
intituled  The  Shortest  Way  with  the  Dissenters.  By  which  sentence,  he 
is  also  fined  200  marks,  to  find  sureties  for  his  good  behaviour  for  seven 
years,  and  to  remain  in  prison  till  all  be  performed. 

London  Gazette.     No.  3936.  August  2nd,  1703. 

1  had  purposed  to  have  given  a  short  history  here  of  the  several  tracts 
in  this  Collection,  and  something  of  the  reason  of  them  :  but  I  find  it  too 
long  for  a  Preface. 

The  Hymn  to  the  Pillory  seems  most  to  require  it.  The  Reader  is 
desired  to  observe  that  this  Poem  was  the  Author's  Declaration,  even 
when  in  the  cruel  hands  of  a  merciless  as  well  as  unjust  Ministry,  that 
the  treatment  he  had  from  them,  was  unjust,  exorbitant,  and  consequently 
Illegal. 

As  this  Satyr  or  Poem  (call  it  which  you  will  !)  was  written  at  the  very 
time  he  was  treated  in  that  manner  ;  it  was  taken  for  a  Defiance  of  their 
Illegal  Proceedings  !  and  their  not  thinking  fit  to  prosecute  him  for  it, 
was  a  fair  concession  of  Guilt  in  their  former  proceedings  ;  since  he  was 
in  their  power,  and,  as  they  thought,  not  likely  to  come  out  of  it. 

It  is  true  some  faint  shew  of  resentment  was  made,  and  the  Author, 
though  then  in  prison,  never  declined  the  test  of  it  :  but  they  began  to 
see  themselves  in  the  wrong  from  the  very  first  exerting  of  their  Cruelty 
and  Treachery  upon  this  Author  ;  and  the  Interest  of  the  Party  sensibly 
decayed  from  that  very  moment  of  time. 

Multitudes  of  occasions  have,  since  that,  served  to  convince  the  World, 
that  every  word  of  the  book  \The  Shortest  IVay]  he  suffered  for,  was  both 
literally  and  interpretively,  the  Sense  of  the  Party  pointed  at ;  true  in 
fact,  and  true  in  representation  :  and  therefore  he  cannot  but  repeat  the 
conclusion  as  relating  to  himself,  which  he  has  seen  made  good,  even  to 
public  satisfaction. 

Tell  them,  The  men  that  placed  him  there 

Are  scandals  to  the  Time, 
Are  at  a  loss  to  find  his  guilt. 

And  can^t  commit  his  crime. 

I  should  enlarge  on  this  subject,  but  that  perhaps  the  World  may,  in 
some  proper  season,  be  troubled  with  a  Journal  of  all  the  Proceedings, 
Trials,  Treaties,  and  Debates,  upon  that  head  ;  and  the  barbarity  as  well 
as  folly  of  their  conduct  be  set  in  a  true  light  to  the  World. 

A  true  Collection,  dr'c.  Vol.  II.  Pre/ace.] 


207 


HYMN 


TO     THE 


PILLORY 


Ail  !  hieroglyphic  State  Machine, 
Contrived  to  punish  Fancy  in  ! 
Men,  that    are  men,  in   thee  can    feel  no 

pain  ; 
And  all  thy  insignificants  disdain  ! 

Contempt,  that   false    new    word    for 
Shame, 

Is,  without  crime,  an  empty  name  1 
A  Shadow  to  amuse  mankind  ; 
But  never  frights  the  wise  or  well-fixed  mind  I 
Virtue  despises  human  scorn  ! 
And  scandals,  Innocence  adorn. 


Exalted  on  thy  Stool  of  State, 
What  prospect  do  I  see  of  sovereign  Fate  ! 

How  the  inscrutables  of  Providence, 

Differ  from  our  contracted  sense  ! 

Here,  by  the  errors  of  the  Town, 

The  fools  look  out !  the  knaves  look  on  ! 
Persons  or  Crimes  find  here  the  same  respect ; 

And  Vice  does,  Virtue  oft  correct ! 

The  undistinguished  fury  of  the  street. 

With  mob  and  malice,  mankind  greet ! 

No  bias  can  the  rabble  draw ; 
But  Dirt  throws  dirt,  without  respect  to  Merit  or  to  Law  I 


2o8     Who  have  been  in  the  Pillory.    Lgj^^'/; 

Sometimes,  the  air  of  Scandal  to  maintain, 
Villains  look  from  thy  lofty  Loops  in  vain  ! 
But  who  can  judge  of  Crimes,  by  Punishment  ? 
Where  Parties  rule,  and  L[aw]  's  subservient. 
Justice,  with  change  of  Interest  learns  to  bow; 
And  what  was  Merit  once,  is  Murder  now  ! 
Actions  receive  their  tincture  from  the  Times, 
And  as  they  change,  are  Virtues  made,  or  Crimes. 

Thou  art  the  State-Trap  of  the  Law ! 
But  neither  canst  keep  knaves,  nor  honest  men  in  awe  : 

These  are  too  hardened  in  offence, 

And  those  upheld  by  innocence. 

How  have  thy  opening  Vacancies  received 
In  every  Age,  the  criminals  of  State ! 

And  how  has  Mankind  been  deceived, 

When  they  distinguish  crimes  by  fate  ! 
Tell  us.  Great  Engine  !  how  to  understand 
Or  reconcile  the  Justice  of  the  land  ! 
How  Bastwick,  Prynne,  Hunt,  Hollingsby,  and  Pye 

(Men  of  unspotted  honesty. 

Men  that  had  Learning,  Wit,  and  Sense  ; 

And  more  than  most  men  have  had  since) 

Could  equal  title  to  thee  claim. 
With  Gates  and  Fuller,  men  of  later  fame  ? 

Even  the  learned  Selden  saw 

A  prospect  of  thee,  through  the  law ! 
He  had  thy  lofty  Pinnacles  in  view ; 
But  so  much  honour  never  was  thy  due  ! 
Had  the  great  Selden  triumphed  on  thy  stage 

(Selden,  the  honour  of  his  Age), 

No  man  would  ever  shun  thee  more. 
Or  grudge  to  stand  where  Selden  stood  before. 


Thou  art  no  Shame  to  Truth  and  Honesty  ! 
Nor  is  the  character  of  such  defaced  by  thee 
Who  suffer  by  oppressive  injury  ! 


•1 


.9?ui?i1o3G    Who  should  be  in  the  Pillory.     209 

Shame,  like  the  exhalations  of  the  sun, 
Falls  back  where  first  the  motion  was  begun. 
And  he  who,  for  no  crime  shall  on  thy  Brows  appear. 
Bears  less  reproach  than  they  who  placed  him  there. 
But  if  Contempt  is  on  thy  Face  entailed. 

Disgrace  itself  shall  be  ashamed  ! 
Scandal  shall  blush,  that  it  has  not  prevailed 

To  blast  the  man  it  has  defamed  ! 


Let  all  that  merit  equal  punishment, 

Stand  there  with  him  !  and  we  are  all  content. 


There  would  the  famed  S[achevere]ll*  stand, 
With  trumpet  of  sedition  in  his  hand. 
Sounding  the  first  Cnisado  in  the  land  ! 
He,  from  of  Church  of  England  pulpit  first, 

All  his  Dissenting  brethren  curst ! 

Doomed  them  to  Satan  for  a  prey; 

And  first  found  out  the  Shortest  Way ! 
With  him,  the  wise  Vice-Chancellor  of  the  Press, 
Who  (though  our  Printers,  licenses  defy) 

Willing  to  shew  his  forwardness, 

Bless  it  with  his  authority  ! 
He  gave  the  Church's  sanction  to  the  Work, 
As  Popes  bless  colours  for  troops  which  fight  the  Turk. 

Doctors  in  Scandal,  these  are  grown. 
For  red-hot  Zeal  and  furious  Learning  known  ! 
Professors  in  Reproach  !  and  highly  fit 
For  Juno's  Academy,  Billingsgate  ! 

Thou,  like  a  True  Born  English  tool. 

Hast,  from  their  Composition  stole 
And  now  art  like  to  smart,  for  being  a  fool! 


'■  1 

ool!     J 


*  This  line  shews  that  the  pronunciation,  in  his  own  day,  of  the  High 
Flying  Doctor's  name  was  Sa-CHEVE-RELL.     E.  A. 

O  3 


2IO    Who  should  be  in  the  Pillory.    Lgj^iy^if^; 

And  as  of  Englishmen,  'twas  always  meant, 
They  're  better  to  improve,  than  to  invent ; 

Upon  their  model,  thou  hast  made 

A  Monster  makes  the  World  afraid. 


With  them,  let  all  the  Statesmen  stand, 

Who  guide  us  with  unsteady  hand  ! 

Who  armies,  fleets,  and  men  betray 

And  ruin  all,  the  Shortest  Way ! 

Let  all  those  soldiers  stand  in  sight, 
Who  're  willing  to  be  paid,  and  not  to  light ! 
Agents  and  Colonels,  who  false  musters  bring. 
To  cheat  their  country  first;  and  then,  their  King  ! 
Bring  all  your  coward  Captains  of  the  fleet  ! 
Lord !  what  a  crowd  will  there  be,  when  they  meet  1 

They  who  let  Pointi  'scape  to  Brest ! 
Who  all  the  gods  of  Carthagena  blest. 

Those  who  betrayed  our  Turkey  Fleet, 
Or  injured  Talmash  sold  at  Camaret ! 

Who  missed  the  squadron  from  Toulon, 
And  always  came  too  late,  or  else  too  soon  ! 
All  these  are  heroes  !  whose  great  actions  claim 
Immortal  honours  to  their  dying  fame, 

And  ought  not  to  have  been  denied 
On  thy  great  Counterscarp  !  to  have  their  valour  tried. 

Why  have  not  these,  upon  thy  spreading  Stage, 

Tasted  the  keener  justice  of  the  Age  ? 

If  'tis  because  their  crimes  are  too  remote, 

Whom  leaden-footed  Justice  has  forgot ; 
Let  's  view  the  modern  scenes  of  fame, 
If  Men  and  Management  are  not  the  same  ? 
When  fleets  go  out  with  money  and  with  men, 
Just  time  enough  to  venture  home  again. 


Ri^itoa']    Who  should  be  in  the  Pillory.      211 

Navies  prepared  to  guard  the  insulted  coast; 

And  convoys  settled,  when  our  ships  are  lost. 

Some  heroes  lately  come  from  sea, 
If  they  were  paid  their  due,  should  stand  with  thee  ! 

Papers  too  should  their  deeds  relate 

To  prove  the  justice  of  their  fate. 
Their  deeds  of  war,  at  Port  St.  Mary's  done ; 
And  set  the  Trophies  by  them,  which  they  won  ! 
Let  OrlMOnJd's  Declaration  there  appear  ! 
He  'd  certainly  be  pleased  to  see  them  there. 

Let  some  good  limner  represent 

The  ravished  nuns  !  the  plundered  town  ! 

The  English  honour  how  misspent ! 
The  shameful  Coming  Back,  and  little  done ! 


The  Vigo  men  should  next  appear 

To  triumph  on  thy  Theatre  ! 
They  who,  on  board  the  great  Galleons  had  been, 
Who  robbed  the  Spaniards  first,  and  then  the  Queen  I 
Set  up  the  praises,  to  their  valour  due ; 
How  Eighty  Sail  had  beaten  Twenty-two  I 

Two  troopers  so,  and  one  dragoon 
Conquered  a  Spanish  boy  at  Pampelune ! 

Yet  let  them  Or[mon]d's  conduct  own  ! 
Who  beat  them  first  on  shore,  or  little  had  been  done  ! 

What  unknown  spoils  from  thence  are  come  ! 
How  much  was  brought  away ;  how  little,  home  1 
If  all  the  thieves  should  on  thy  Scaffold  stand 

Who  robbed  their  masters  in  Command  ; 

The  multitude  would  soon  outdo 

The  City  crowds  of  Lord  Mayor's  Show  ! 

Upon  thy  Penitential  Stools, 
Some  people  should  be  placed,  for  fools ! 
As  some,  for  instance,  who,  while  they  look  on, 


212     Who  should  be  in  the  Pillory,   [^gf^i^tl"^ 

See  others  plunder  all,  and  they  get  none. 

Next  the  Lieutenant  General, 
To  get  the  Devil,  lost  the  De'il  and  all : 

And  he,  some  little  badge  should  bear 
Who  ought,  in  justice,  to  have  hanged  them  there  I 

This  had  his  honour  more  maintained 

Than  all  the  spoils  at  Vigo  joined. 


Then  clap  thy  wooden  Wings  for  joy, 
And  greet  the  Men  of  Great  Employ  ! 
The  authors  of  the  Nation's  discontent, 
And  scandal  of  a  Christian  Government ! 
Jobbers  and  Brokers  of  the  City  Stocks, 
With  forty  thousand  tallies  at  their  backs, 
Who  make  our  Banks  and  Companies  obey, 

Or  sink  them  all  the  Shortest  Way ! 

The  intrinsic  value  of  our  Stocks 
Is  stated  in  their  calculating  books. 
The  imaginary  prizes  rise  and  fall 
As  they  command  who  toss  the  ball. 

Let  them  upon  thy  lofty  Turrets  stand, 
With  bear-skins  on  the  back.  Debentures  in  the  hand! 

And  write  in  capitals  upon  the  post, 

That  here  they  should  remain 

Till  this  enigma  they  explain: 
How  Stocks  should  fall,  when  Sales  surmount  the  cost ; 

And  rise  again  when  ships  are  lost. 

Great  Monster  of  the  Law,  exalt  thy  head  1 
Appear  no  more  in  masquerade  ! 
In  homely  phrase,  express  thy  discontent  1 
And  move  it  in  the  approaching  Parliament ! 

Tell  them,  how  Paper  went,  instead  of  Coin  ; 
With  interest  Eight  per  cent.,  and  discount  Nine ! 

Of  Irish  transport  debts  unpaid, 


PuWiTotl    Who   should  be  in  the    Pillory.    213 


89  July  1703 


Bills  false  endorsed,  and  long  accounts  unmade ! 
And  tell  them  all  the  Nation  hopes  to  see, 
They  '11  send  the  guilty  down  to  thee  ! 
Rather  than  those  that  write  their  history. 

Then  bring  those  Justices  upon  thy  bench, 
Who  vilely  break  the  Laws  they  should  defend  ; 

And  upon  Equity  intrench 
By  punishing  the  crimes  they  will  not  mend. 

Set  every  vicious  Magistrate 
Upon  thy  sumptuous  Chariot  of  State  ! 

There,  let  them  all  in  triumph  ride  ! 
Their  purple  and  their  scarlet  laid  aside. 

Such  who  with  oaths  and  drunk'ness  sit 
And  punish  far  less  crimes  than  they  commit : 

These,  certainly,  deserve  to  stand, 
With  Trophies  of  Authority  in  either  hand. 

Upon  thy  Pulpit,  set  the  drunken  Priest, 
Who  turns  the  Gospel  into  a  jest ! 
Let  the  Fraternity  degrade  him  there, 

Lest  they,  like  him  appear ! 
These,  let  him  his  memento  mori  preach ; 
And  by  example,  not  by  doctrine,  teach  ! 

If  a  poor  Author  has  embraced  thy  Wood, 
Only  because  he  was  not  understood ; 
They  punish  Mankind  but  by  halves. 

Till  they  stand  there, 
Who  false  to  their  own  principles  appear; 

And  cannot  understand  themselves  ! 

Those  Nimshites,  who  with  furious  zeal  drive  on 
And  build  up  Rome  to  pull  down  Babylon, 
The  real  Authors  of  the  Shortest  Way, 
Who  for  destruction,  not  conversion  pray. 


14    Who  should  be  in   the   Pillory.  [29  J^i^,' 


Defoe. 
703 


There  let  these  Sons  of  Strife  remain, 

Till  this  Church  Riddle  they  explain  ! 
How  at  Dissenters  they  can  raise  a  storm, 

But  would  not  have  them  all  conform  ? 
For  there,  their  certain  ruin  would  come  in ; 
And  Moderation  (which  the3'  hate  !)  begin. 
Some  Churchmen  next  would  grace  thy  Pews, 
Who  talk  of  Loyalty,  they  never  use  : 
Passive  Obedience  well  becomes  thy  Stage, 
For  both  have  been  the  Banter  of  the  Age. 

Get  them  but  once  within  thy  reach, 
Thou  'It  make  them  practise,  what  they  used  to  teach  ! 

Next  bring  some  Lawyers  to  thy  Bar  ! 

By  innuendo,  they  might  all  stand  there. 

There  let  them  expiate  that  guilt, 

And  pay  for  all  that  blood  their  tongues  have  spilt ; 

These  are  the  Mountebanks  of  State. 
Why,  by  the  slight  of  tongue,  can  crimes  create, 
And  dress  up  trifles  in  the  robes  of  Fate 

The  Mastiffs  of  a  Government 
To  worry  and  run  down  the  innocent  1 

The  Engines  of  infernal  Wit 

Covered  with  cunning  and  deceit ! 
Satan's  sublimest  attribute  they  use  ; 

For  first  they  tempt,  and  then  accuse! 
No  vows  or  promises  can  bind  their  hands  : 

Submissive  Law  obedient  stands ! 
When  Power  concurs,  and  lawless  Force  stands  by ; 
He  's  lunatic  that  looks  for  Honesty  I 

There  sat  a  man  of  mighty  fame, 
Whose  actions  speak  him  plainer  than  his  name  ; 
In  vain  he  struggled,  he  harangued  in  vain 
To  bring  in  "  Whipping  sentences  "  again  ! 


^•1 


«9 j^iy^ifo^.]  Who   should  be  in  the  Pillory.    215 

And  to  debauch  a  milder  Government 
With  abdicated  kinds  of  punishments  ! 

No  wonder  he  should  Law  despise, 

Who,  Jesus  Christ  himself  denies  ! 

His  actions  only  now  direct 

What  we,  when  he  is  made  a  J[udg]e  expect. 

Set  L[ove]ll  next  to  this  Disgrace 
With  Whitney's  horses  staring  in  his  face  ! 

There,  let  his  Cup  of  Penance  be  kept  full ! 

Till  he  's  less  noisy,  insolent,  and  dull. 

When  all  these  heroes  have  passed  e'er  thy  Stage, 
And  thou  hast  been  the  Satyr  of  the  Age ; 
Wait  then  a  while,  for  all  those  Sons  of  Fame 
Whom  Present  Power  has  made  too  great  to  name ! 
Fenced  from  thy  Hands,  they  Keep  our  Verse  in  awe ; 
Too  great  for  Satyr !  too  great  for  Law  ! 

As  they,  their  Commands  lay  down ; 
They  All  shall  pay  their  homage  to  the  Cloudy  Throne! 

And  till  within  thy  reach  they  be, 

Exalt  them  in  effigy  ! 

The  martyrs  of  the  by-past  reign. 
For  whom  new  Oaths  have  been  prepared  in  vain. 
She[rloc]k's  disciple,  first  by  him  trepanned 
He  for  a  k[nave],  as  they  for  f[ool]s  should  stand ; 
Though  some  affirm  he  ought  to  be  excused, 

Since  to  this  day,  he  had  refused. 
And  this  was  all  the  frailty  of  his  life, 

He  d d  his  conscience,  to  oblige  his  wife  ! 

But  spare  that  Priest,  whose  tottering  conscience  kne 
That  if  he  took  but  one,  he  perjured  two  ; 
Bluntly  resolved  he  would  not  break  them  both, 
And  swore,  "  By  God  !  he'd  never  take  the  Oath  !  " 

Hang  him  !  he  can't  be  fit  ior  thee  ! 

For  his  unusual  honesty. 


2i6    Who  should  be  in  the   Pillory,    [^gjliiyfyll 

Thou  Speaking  Trumpet  of  men's  fame, 

Enter  in  every  Court,  thy  claim  ! 
Demand  them  all  (for  they  are  all  thy  own) 
Who  swear  to  three  Kings,  but  are  true  to  none. 

Turncoats  of  all  sides,  are  thy  due  ! 
And  he  who  once  is  false  is  never  true. 
To-day  can  swear,  to-morrow  can  abjure  ; 
For  Treachery  's  a  crime  no  man  can  cure. 
Such,  without  scruple,  for  the  Time  to  come. 
May  swear  to  all  the  Kings  in  Christendom  ! 

But  he  's  a  mad  man  will  rely 

Upon  their  lost  fidelity  ! 


They  that,  in  vast  employments  rob  the  State, 
Let  them  in  thy  Embraces,  meet  their  fate  ! 
Let  not  the  millions,  they  by  fraud  obtain 
Protect  them  from  the  scandal,  or  the  pain  ! 
They  who  from  mean  beginnings  grow 
To  vast  estates,  but  God  knows  how ! 
Who  carry  untold  sums  away 
From  little  Places,  with  but  little  pay  ! 

Who  costly  palaces  erect. 
The  thieves  that  built  them  to  protect : 
The  gardens,  grottoes,  fountains,  walks,  and  groves 
Where  Vice  triumphs  in  pride  and  lawless  love  ; 
Where  mighty  luxury  and  drunk'ness  reign, 
Profusely  spend  what  they  profanely  gain  ! 
Tell  them,  Mene  Tekel  's  on  the  wall  ! 
Tell  them,  the  nation's  money  paid  for  all ! 


Advance  thy  double  Front,  and  show, 
And  let  us  both  the  Crimes  and  Persons  know  I 
Place  them  aloft  upon  thy  Throne, 


29j%°ito3.]  Inverted  Justice  PUNISHING  honest  men.  217 

Who  slight  the  nation's  business  for  their  own  ! 
Neglect  their  posts,  in  spite  of  double  pay; 
And  run  us  all  in  debt  the  Shortest  Way  ! 


What  need  of  Satyr  to  reform  the  Town, 

Or  Laws  to  keep  our  vices  down  ? 

Let  them  to  Thee  due  homage  pay, 
This  will  reform  us  all  the  Shortest  Way ! 
Let  them  to  Thee,  bring  all  the  knaves  and  fools ! 

Virtue  will  guide  the  rest  by  rules. 
They  '11  need  no  treacherous  friends,  no  breach  of  faith, 
No  hired  evidence  with  their  infecting  breath, 

No  servants  masters  to  betray, 

Or  Knights  of  the  Post,  who  swear  for  pay  ! 
No  injured  Author  '11  on  thy  Steps  appear ; 
Not  such  as  won't  be  rogues,  but  such  as  are\ 


The  first  Intent  of  Laws 
Was  to  correct  the  Effect,  and  check  the  Cause ; 

And  all  the  Ends  of  Punishment 
Were  only  future  mischiefs  to  prevent. 

But  Justice  is  inverted  when 

Those  Engines  of  the  Law, 
Instead  of  pinching  vicious  men, 

Keep  honest  ones  in  awe  1 

Thy  business  is,  as  all  men  know, 
To  punish  villains,  not  to  make  men  so  1 


Whenever  then,  thou  art  prepared 
To  prompt  that  vice,  thou  should'st  reward. 
And  by  the  terrors  of  thy  grisly  Face 


2i8  Crime  is  all  the  shame  of  Punishment,  [^gf^i^t 

Make  men  turn  rogues  to  shun  disgrace ; 
The  End  of  thy  Creation  is  destroyed ; 
Justice  expires,  of  course  !  and  Law  's  made  void  ! 


What  are  thy  terrors  ?  that,  for  fear  of  thee, 

Mankind  should  dare  to  sink  their  honesty? 
He  's  bold  to  impudence  that  dares  turn  knave, 

The  scandal  of  thy  company  to  save  ! 
He  that  will  crimes  he  never  knew,  confess, 
Does,  more  than  if  he  know  those  crimes,  transgress  I 

And  he  that  fears  thee,  more  than  to  be  base ; 

May  want  a  heart,  but  does  not  want  a  face ! 


'.  hou,  like  the  Devil  dost  appear. 
Blacker  than  really  thou  art,  by  far  ! 

A  wild  chimeric  notion  of  Reproach  ; 
Too  little  for  a  crime,  for  none  too  much. 

Let  none  th'indignity  resent  ; 
For  Crime  is  all  the  shame  of  Punishment ! 


Thou  Bugbear  of  the  Law  !  stand  up  and  speak  I 
Thy  long  misconstrued  silence  break ! 

Tell  us,  Who  'tis,  upon  thy  Ridge  stands  there, 
So  full  of  fault,  and  yet  so  void  of  fear? 
And  from  the  Paper  in  his  hat, 
Let  all  mankind  be  told  for  what  I 


Tell  them.  It  was,  because  he  was  too  bold  ! 

And  told  those  truths  which  should  not  have  been  told 

Extol  the  Justice  of  the  land  ; 
Who  punish  what  they  will  not  understand  ! 


agfniyjjll'^  And  can't  commit  his  crimes!  219 

Tell  them,  He  stands  exalted  there 
For  speaking  what  we  would  not  hear  ! 
And  yet  he  might  have  been  secure, 
Had  he  said  less,  or  would  he  have  said  more ! 


Tell  them  that,  This  is  his  reward, 

And  worse  is  yet  for  him  prepared  ; 
Because  his  foolish  virtue  was  so  nice, 
As  not  to  sell  his  friends,  according  to  his  friends'  advice ! 

And  thus  he  's  an  example  made, 
To  make  men,  of  their  honesty  afraid  ; 
That  for  the  Time  to  come,  they  may 
More  willingly,  their  friends  betray  ! 

Tell  them.  The  mFen]  that  placed  him  here, 
Are  sc[anda]ls  to  the  Times  ! 

Are  at  a  loss  to  find  his  guilt, 

And  can't  commit  his  crimes  ! 

FINIS. 


^^[°5:]  Title  Page  of  the  First  Volume  of  Review.  2  2 : 
A 

REVIEW 


OF     THE 


Affairs  of  FRANCE: 


AND     OF     ALL 

EUROPE, 

As  Influenc'd  by  that  Nation: 

BEING 

Historical  Observations  on  the  Public  Transactions  of  the 

WORLD;    Purged    from    the    Errors    and    Partiality   of 

News-Writers,  and  Petty  Statesmen  of  all  Sides : 

WITH     AN 

Entertaining  Part  in  every  Sheet, 

BEING 

Advice  from  the  Scandal[ous]  Club, 

To  the  Curious  Enquirers  ;   in  Answer  to  Letters 

sent  them  for  that  Purpose. 

LONDON: 
Printed  in  the  Year  M  D  C  C  V  . 


222 

Preface  to  the  First  Volume  of 
the  Review. 

Hen  Authors  present  their  Works  to  the 
world ;  like  a  thief  at  the  gallows,  they 
make  a  speech  to  the  people. 

The  Author,  indeed,  has  something  like 
this  to  say  too,  "  Good  people  all,  take 
warning  by  me !  "  I  have  studied  to  inform 
and  to  direct  the  World,  and  what  have  I 
had  for  my  labour  ? 
Profit,  the  Press  would  not  allow ;  and  therein  I  am  not 
deceived,  for  I  expected  none  !  But  Good  Manners  and 
Good  Language,  I  thought  I  might  expect  ;  because  I  gave 
no  other  :  and  it  were  but  just  to  treat  mankind,  as  we  would 
be  treated  by  them.  But  neither  has  this  been  paid  me,  in 
debt  to  custom  and  civility. 

How  often  have  my  ears,  my  hands,  and  my  head  been  to 
be  pulled  off!  Impotent  bullies!  that  attacked  by  Truth, 
and  their  vices  stormed,  fill  the  air  with  rhodomontades  and 
indecencies  ;  but  never  shew  their  faces  to  the  resentment 
Truth  had  a  just  cause  to  entertain  for  them. 

I  have  passed  through  clouds  of  clamour,  cavil,  raillery, 
and  objection ;  and  have  this  satisfaction,  that  Truth  being 
the  design,  Finh  coronat ! 

I  am  never  forward  to  value  my  own  performances.  "  Let 
another  man's  mouth  praise  thee  !  "  said  the  Wise  Man  : 
but  I  cannot  but  own  myself  infinitely  pleased,  and  more 
than  satisfied,  that  wise  men  read  this  Paper  with  pleasure, 
own  the  just  observations  in  it,  and  have  voted  it  useful. 

The  first  design  [the  Review  of  the  Affairs  of  France,  &c.]  I 
allow  is  not  yet  pursued,  and  indeed  I  must  own  the  field  is 
so  large,  the  design  so  vast,  and  the  necessary  preliminaries 
so  many ;  that  though  I  cannot  yet  pass  for  an  old  man,  I 
must  be  so,  if  I  live  to  go  through  with  it. 

This  Volume  has  passed  through  my  descriptions  of  the 
French  Grandeur,  with  its  influence  on  the  Affairs  of  Poland, 
Sweden,  and  Hungary.  What  assaults  have  I  met  with, 
from  the  impatience  of  the  readers ;  what  uneasiness  of 
friends,  lest  I  was  turned  about  to  the  enemy :  I  leave  to 
their  reading  the  sheets  to  discover! 


^-^fjoj:]  From  French  History,  to  English  Trade.  223 

How  is  this  Age  unqualified  to  bear  feeling  [the]  Truth  ! 
how  unwilling  to  hear  what  we  do  not  like,  though  ever  so 
necessary  to  know  ! 

And  yet  if  this  French  Monarchy  were  not  very  powerful, 
vastly  strong,  its  power  terrible,  its  increasing  encroaching 
measures  formidable  ;  why  do  we  (and  justly  too)  applaud, 
extol,  congratulate,  and  dignify  the  victorious  Duke  of  Marl- 
borough at  such  a  rate  ?  If  it  had  been  a  mean  and  con- 
temptible enemy,  how  shall  we  justify  the  English  Army's 
march  [i.e.,  to  Blenheim]  through  so  many  hazards !  the 
nation's  vast  charge !  the  daily  just  concern  in  every  article 
of  this  War !  and  (as  I  have  frequently  hinted)  Why  not  beat 
them,  all  this  while  ? 

They  who  have  made,  or  may  make,  an  ill  use  of  the  true 
Plan  of  French  Greatness,  which  I  have  laid  down ;  must  place 
it  to  the  account  of  their  own  corrupted  prejudiced  thoughts. 
My  design  is  plain.  To  tell  you  the  strength  of  your  enemy, 
that  you  may  fortify  yourselves  in  due  proportion ;  and  not 
go  out  with  your  ten  thousands  against  his  twenty  thousands. 

In  like  manner,  I  think  myself  very  oddly  handled,  in  the 
case  of  the  Swedes  and  the  Hungarians.  How  many  com- 
plaints of  Ambassadors  for  the  one,  and  of  fellow  Protestants 
for  the  other !  And  yet, after  the  whole  Story  is  finished,  I  have 
this  felicity  (than  which  no  author  can  desire  a  greater) 
viz.,  not  one  thing  I  ever  affirmed,  but  was  exactly  true  !  not 
one  conjecture  have  I  made,  but  has  appeared  to  be  rational ! 
not  one  inference  drawn,  but  the  consequences  [the  events] 
have  proved  [to  be]  just !  and  not  one  thing  guessed  at,  but 
what  has  come  to  pass  ! 

I  am  now  come  home  to  England,  and  entered  a  little  into 
our  own  Affairs.  Indeed,  I  have  advanced  some  things  as 
to  Trade,  Navies,  Seamen,  &c.,  which  some  may  think  a 
little  arrogant,  because  perfectly  new.  But  as  I  have 
offered  nothing  but  what  I  am  always  ready  to  make  appear 
practicable,  I  finish  my  Apology  by  saying  to  the  World, 
"  Bring  me  to  the  test  !   and  the  rest,  I  leave  to  time." 

In  the  bringing  the  Story  of  France  down  to  the  matter  of 
Trade ;  I  confess  myself  surprisingly  drawn  into  a  vast 
wilderness  of  a  subject ;  so  large,  that  I  know  not  where  it 
will  end.  The  misfortune  of  which  is,  that  thinking  to  have 
finished  it  with  this  Volume,  I  found  myself  strangely  deceived, 


2  24  Whoever  sees  this  Undertaking  finished  !  [^f^^, 

and  indeed  amazed,  when  I  found  the  Story  of  it  intended  to 
be  the  end  of  this  Volume ;  and  hardly  enough  of  it  entered 
upon,  to  say  it  is  begun. 

However,  the  Volume  being  of  necessity  to  be  closed,  I 
am  obliged  to  content  myself  with  taking  what  is  here  as  an 
Introduction  to  the  next  Volume  ;  and  to  give  this  notice, 
that  the  matter  of  our  English  Trade  appears  to  be  a  thing 
of  such  consequence  to  be  treated  of,  so  much  pretended  to, 
and  so  little  understood,  that  nothing  could  be  more  profitable 
to  the  readers,  more  advantageous  to  the  public  Interest  of 
this  nation,  or  more  suitable  to  the  greatness  of  this  under- 
taking, than  to  make  an  Essay  at  the  Evils,  Causes,  and 
Remedies  of  our  general  Negoce. 

I  have  been  confirmed  in  my  opinion  of  the  consequences 
and  benefit  of  this  Undertaking,  by  a  crowd  of  entreaties 
from  persons  of  the  best  judgement,  and  some  of  extra- 
ordinary genius  in  these  affairs :  whose  letters  are  my 
authority  for  this  clause,  and  whose  arguments  are  too 
forcible  for  me  to  resist. 

And  this  is  to  me,  a  sufficient  Apology  for  a  vast  digres- 
sion from  the  Affairs  of  France,  which  were  really  in  my  first 
design;  and  to  which,  my  title  at  first  too  straightly  bound  me. 

Whoever  shall  live  to  see  this  Undertaking  finished,  if  the 
Author  (or  some  better  pen  after  him)  shall  bring  20  or  30 
Volumes  of  this  Work  on  the  Stage,  it  will  not  look  so  pre- 
posterous, as  it  seems  now,  to  have  one  whole  Volume  to  be 
employed  on  the  most  delightful  as  well  as  profitable  subject 
of  the  English  Trade. 

Things  at  short  distance,  look  large  1  and  public  patience 
is  generally  very  short :  but  when  remote,  the  case  alters, 
and  people  see  the  reason  of  things  in  themselves.  It  is  this 
remote  prospect  of  affairs  which  I  have  before  me.  And 
this  makes  me  not  so  much  regard  the  uneasiness  people 
shew  at  the  Story  being  frequently  broken  abruptly,  and  run- 
ning great  lengths  before  it  revolves  upon  itself  again :  but 
as  Time  and  the  Course  of  Things  will  bring  all  about  again, 
and  make  the  whole  to  be  of  a  piece  with  itself;  I  am  con- 
tent to  wait  the  approbation  of  the  readers,  till  such  time  as  the 
thing  itself  forces  it  from  the  at  present  impatient  readers. 

Readers  are  strange  judges  when  they  see  but  part  of  the 
design.     It  is  a  new  thing  for  an  Author  to  lay  down  his 


D.  Defoe, 
1705- 


]  Defoe's  disregard  for  a  polished  Style.  225 


thoughts  piece-meal.  Importunate  cavils  assault  him  every 
day.  They  claim  to  be  answered  to-day  !  before  to-morrow  ! 
and  are  so  far  from  staying  till  the  Story  is  finished,  that 
they  can  hardly  stay  till  their  letters  come  to  hand ;  but 
follow  the  first  with  a  second  !  that  with  clamour !  and  this 
sometimes  with  threatening  scoffs,  banters,  and  raillery  ! 

Thus  I  am  letter-baited  by  Querists ;  and  I  think  my 
trouble  in  writing  civil  private  answers  to  teasing  and 
querulous  epistles,  has  been  equal  to,  if  not  more  troublesome 
than,  all  the  rest  of  this  Work. 

Through  these  difficulties  I  steer  with  as  much  temper  and 
steadiness  as  I  can.  I  still  hope  to  give  satisfaction  in  the  Con- 
clusion ;  and  it  is  this  alone,  that  makes  the  continuing  of  the 
Work  tolerable  to  me.     If  I  cannot,  I  have  made  my  Essay. 

If  those  that  know  these  things  better  than  I,  w^ould  bless 
the  World  with  further  instructions,  I  shall  be  glad  to  see 
them  ;  and  very  far  from  interrupting  or  discouraging  them, 
as  these  do  me. 

Let  not  those  Gentlemen  who  are  critics  in  style,  in 
method,  or  manner,  be  angry,  that  I  have  never  pulled  off 
my  cap  to  them,  in  humble  excuse  for  my  loose  way  of  treat- 
ing the  World  as  to  Language,  Expression,  and  Politeness 
of  Phrase.  Matters  of  this  nature  differ  from  most  things  a 
man  can  write.  When  I  am  busied  writing  Essays  and 
Matters  of  Science,  I  shall  address  them  for  their  aid  ;  and 
take  as  much  care  to  avoid  their  displeasure  as  becomes  me: 
but  when  I  am  upon  the  subject  of  Trade  and  the  Variety  of 
Casual  Story,  I  think  myself  a  little  loose  from  the  Bonds  of 
Cadence  and  Perfections  of  Style  ;  and  satisfy  myself  in  my 
study  to  be  explicit,  easy,  free,  and  very  plain.  And  for  all 
the  rest.  Nee  Careo!  Nee  Curo  ! 

I  had  a  design  to  say  something  on  the  Entertaining  Part 
of  this  Paper  :  but  I  have  so  often  explained  myself  on  that 
head,  that  I  shall  not  trouble  the  World  much  about  it. 

When  I  first  found  the  Design  of  this  Paper  (which  had 
its  birth  in  tencbris)  :  I  considered  it  would  be  a  thing  very 
historical,  very  long ;  and  [even]  though  it  could  be  much 
better  performed  than  ever  I  was  likely  to  do  it,  this  Age 
had  such  a  natural  aversion  to  a  solemn  and  tedious  affair, 
that  however  profitable,  it  would  never  be  diverting,  and  the 
World  would  never  read  it. 


2  26  My  firm  resolution  to  exalt  Virtue,  &c.  [^ 


D    Defoe. 

70s. 


To  get  over  this  difficulty,  the  Secret  Hand  (I  make  no 
doubt)  that  directed  this  birth  into  the  World,  dictated  to 
make  some  sort  of  entertainment  or  amusement  at  the  end 
of  every  Paper,  upon  the  immediate  subject,  then  on  the  tongues 
of  the  Town ;  which  innocent  diversion  would  hand  on  the 
more  weighty  and  serious  part  of  the  Design  into  the  heads 
and  thoughts  of  those  to  whom  it  might  be  useful. 

I  take  this  opportunity  to  assure  the  World,  that  receiving 
or  answering  letters  of  doubts,  difficulties,  cases,  and 
questions  ;  as  it  is  a  work  I  think  myself  very  meanly 
qualified  for,  so  it  was  the  remotest  thing  from  my  first 
Design  of  anything  in  the  World  :  and  I  could  be  heartily 
glad,  if  the  readers  of  this  Paper  would  excuse  me  from  it 
yet.  But  I  see  it  cannot  be,  and  the  World  will  have  it 
done.  I  have  therefore  done  my  best  to  oblige  them;  but  as 
I  have  not  one  word  to  say  for  my  performance  that  way,  so 
I  leave  it  where  I  found  it,  a  mere  circumstance  casually 
and  undesignedly  annexed  to  the  Work,  and  a  curiosity; 
though  honestly  endeavoured  to  be  complied  with. 

If  the  method  I  have  taken  in  answering  Questions  has 
pleased  some  wiser  men  more  than  I  expected  it  would  ;  I 
confess  it  is  one  of  the  chief  reasons  why  I  was  induced  to 
continue  it. 

I  have  constantly  adhered  to  this  rule  in  all  my  Answers ; 
and  I  refer  my  reader  to  his  observation  for  the  proof,  that 
from  the  loosest  and  lightest  questions,  I  endeavour  to  draw 
some  useful  inferences,  and,  if  possible,  to  introduce  some- 
thing solid,  and  something  solemn  in  applying  it. 

The  custom  of  the  ancients  in  writing  fables  is  my  very  laud- 
able pattern  for  this  :  and  my  firm  resolution,  in  all  I  write,  to 
exalt  Virtue,  expose  Vice,  promote  Truth,  and  help  men  to  Se- 
rious Reflection.is  myfirstmoving  Cause.and  last  directed  End. 

If  any  shall  make  ill  use  of,  wrest,  wrongly  interpret, 
wilfully  or  otherwise  mistake  the  honest  Design  of  this 
Work  ;  let  such  wait  for  the  end  !  when  I  doubt  not,  the 
Author  will  be  cleared  by  their  own  vote  ;  their  want  of 
charity  will  appear,  and  they  be  self-condemned  till  they 
come  to  acknowledge  their  error,  and  openly  to  justify 

Their  humble  servant,  D.  F. 

D.  F.  {i.e.,  Daniel  Foe.     Notice  the  change  of  the  name  into  DEFOE, 
at  the  end  of  the  next  Preface,  3.1  p.  231.] 


227 

Preface  to  the  Second  Volume 
of  the  Review. 

His  Volume  of  the  Reviews  requires  but  a 
short  Preface  :  and  yet  it  requires  a  Preface 
perhaps  more  than  the  former  [one] ;  the 
frequent  turning  of  the  Author's  design 
demanding  something  to  be  said  for  it. 

In  pursuing  the  subject  of  Trade,  with 
which  this  Part  began,  I  really  thought  to 
have  taken  up  this  whole  Volume  ;  and  I 
know  a  great  many  people  impatiently  bear  the  delay,  having 
great  expectations  of  something  very  useful  as  well  as  di- 
verting on  the  subject  of  Trade.  I  wish  their  dependence 
upon  me  in  that  case,  may  be  answered  to  their  content. 

I  have  indeed  laid  a  vast  Scheme  of  Trade  to  discourse 
upon,  and  shall,  in  the  next  Volume,  endeavour  to  finish  it 
to  the  best  of  my  capacity  :  but  a  word  or  two  to  this  Volume, 
by  the  way. 

While  I  was  pursuing  the  subject  of  Trade,  I  received  a 
powerful  diversion,  from  our  own  Public  Affairs.  The  dis- 
solution of  the  late  Parliament,  with  some  particular  trans- 
actions of  their  last  session,  known  by  the  title  of  Dangerous 
Experiments,  Tackings,  and  the  like,  made  a  more  than  usual 
fermentation  in  this  Kingdom. 

I  saw  with  concern,  the  mighty  juncture  of  a  new  Election 
for  Members  approach.  The  variety  of  wheels  and  engines 
set  on  work  in  the  nation,  and  the  furious  methods  to  form 
Interests  on  either  hand,  had  put  the  tempers  of  men  on  all 
sides  into  an  unusual  motion,  and  things  seemed  acted  with 
so  much  animosity  and  Party  fury  that  I  confess  it  gave  me 
terrible  apprehensions  of  the  consequences. 

I  am  sorry  to  say,  that  the  methods  on  both  sides,  seemed 
to  me  very  scandalous  ;  and  the  low  steps  our  Gentlemen 
sometimes  take  to  be  chosen,  merit  some  Satyr  ;  and  perhaps 
in  time  may  have  it  !  But  the  inveteracy  in  the  tempers  of 
people  at  this  time,  seemed  to  have  something  fatal  in  it ;  some- 
thing that  deserved  not  a  Satyr,but  a  sa  d  and  serious  Application. 
Each  side  strove,  with  indefatigable  pains  and  exceeding 
virulence,  to   set  up  their  own  Party.     All  the  slanders,  re- 


228   I   EXHORT  ALL  PEOPLE  TO   STUDY  PeACE.  [°-  ^."J"^" 

proaches,  and  villifying  terms  possible  filled  the  mouths  of 
one  Party  against  another.  If  I  should  say  that,  in  many 
places,  most  horrid  and  villainous  practices  were  set  on  foot 
to  supplant  one  another,  that  the  Parties  stooped  to  vile  and 
unbecoming  meannesses,  and  that  infinite  briberies,  forgeries, 
perjuries,  and  all  manner  of  debaucheries  of  the  principles 
and  manners  of  the  Electors  were  attempted  ;  I  am  told  I 
should  say  nothing  but  what  might  easily  be  made  to  appear. 

That  all  sorts  of  violence,  tumults,  riots,  and  breaches  of 
the  peace  neighbourhood  and  good  manners  have  been  made 
use  of  to  support  Interests,  and  carry  on  Elections  ;  the  black 
history  of  the  Election  of  C[oven]try  preparing  for  the  public 
view,  will,  I  dare  say,  defend  me  in  advancing. 

That  this  sad  scene  of  affairs,  I  confess,  gave  a  melancholy 
view ;  and  I  thought  I  saw  this  nation  running  directly  upon 
the  steep  precipice  of  General  Confusion.  In  the  serious  re- 
flecting on  this,  and  how  I  might,  if  possible,  contribute  to  the 
good  of  my  native  country,  as  I  thought  every  honest  man 
was  bound  to  do ;  I  bestowed  some  thoughts  on  the  serious 
inquiry,  "  What  was  to  be  done  ?  " 

In  the  short  search  into  the  state  of  the  nation,  it  presently 
appeared  to  me  that  all  our  pretensions,  on  either  side,  were 
frivolous,  but  that  the  breach  lay  deeper  than  appeared  ;  that 
the  designs  lay  in  a  few,  though  the  whole  nation  was  in- 
volved ;  that  King  James,  the  French  Power,  and  a  general 
Turn  of  Affairs  was  at  the  bottom  ;  and  the  quarrels  betwixt 
Church  and  Dissenters  were  only  a  politic  noose,  they  had 
hooked  the  Parties  on  both  sides  into,  which  they  diligently 
carried  on  to  such  height  as  they  hoped  it  would  end  in  a 
rupture,  and  then  they  should  open  a  gap  to  come  in  and 
destroy  both. 

It  presently  occurred  to  my  mind,  how  easily  all  this  might 
be  remedied  !  how  easily  this  enemy  might  be  disappointed  ! 
and  that  here  wants  but  one  thing  to  heal  all  this  mischief. 
But  one  slight  matter  would  make  all  whole  again  :  and  this 
is  included  in  this  one  word  PARTY-PEACE. 

Full  satisfied  of  the  certainty  of  my  opinion,  I  immediately 
set  myself  in  the  Review  No  19  [of  Vol.  II.  of  17th  April, 
1705],  to  exhort,  persuade,  entreat,  and  in  the  most  moving 
terms  I  was  capable  of,  to  prevail  on  all  people  in  general, 
to  STUDY  PEACE. 


^it^:]N0NE  BUT  THE  MeN  OF  PEACE  ARE  MY  FRIENDS  !   229 

I  thought  to  have  written  but  that  one  Paper  on  this  sub- 
ject, persuading  myself  the  plainness  of  the  argument  must 
be  of  such  force  that  men's  eyes  would  be  opened,  and  take  the 
useful  hint ;  and  there  would  be  no  more  need  to  talk  about 
it :  and  accordingly  went  on  with  the  old  subject  of  Trade. 

But  as  all  my  friends,  and  generally  all  the  men  of  peace 
(for,  I  thank  GOD  !  none  but  such  are  my  friends !)  saw  the 
necessity  and  usefulness  of  the  subject ;  they  came  about  me 
with  incessant  importunities  to  go  on  with  it. 

I  have  not  vanity  enough  to  own  the  success  of  these 
Papers  in  this  undertaking,  not  to  say  what  some  are  pleased 
to  say  of  it.  It  is  my  satisfaction  that  wise  men  have  owned 
them  useful  ;  and  a  greater  honour  I  cannot  desire. 

I  have,  with  an  impartial  warmth,  addressed  myself  to  all 
sorts  of  people,  on  the  behalf  of  Peace  :  and  if  I  am  proud  of 
anything  in  it,  it  is  that  Providence  has  been  pleased  to 
direct  things  so,  that  the  Public  Measures  have,  in  many  cases, 
come  up  to  what  I  foresaw,  was  the  only  means  of  our  safety. 

If  I  have  said  the  same  thing  with  our  late  Votes,  Speeches, 
and  Proclamations,  in  my  Observations  on  the  pretended 
danger  of  the  Church  :  it  is  not  only  an  honour  to  me,  that 
Her  Majesty  and  the  Parliament  repeat  almost  my  very 
words;  but  it  is  a  glorious  testimony  to  the  Truth,  that  it 
leads  all  persons  that  sincerely  follow  it,  to  the  same  conclu- 
sions, and  often  the  same  expression.  And  I  glory  that  I 
have  such  a  voucher  to  what  I  said,  viz.,  **  That  the  false 
clamours  of  plots  against  the  Church  appear  to  be  formed 
on  purpose  to  conceal  real  plots  against  the  Church  of 
England."  Review  No.  86.  p.  341  [of  Vol.  II.  of  the  20th 
September,  1705.1. 

Let  none  of  the  well-wishers  to  Peace  be  angry  that  I  saw 
this  before  them.  It  is  their  happiness  they  see  it  now ! 
Envy  no  man  ! 

But  I  have  a  most  undeniable  testimony  of  the  success  of 
this  Paper  in  the  great  work  of  National  Peace,  in  the  im- 
placable rage  and  malice  of  the  Hot  Party  :  in  which,  they 
witness  to  the  hurt  this  Paper  hath  done  to  their  cause ;  and 
they  have  my  humble  acknowledgement  that  they  can  do 
me  and  this  Labour  no  greater  honour. 

It  would  be  endless  to  me,  and  tiresome  to  the  Reader,  to 
repeat  the  threatening  letters,  the  speeches,  the  opprobrious 


230  The  Nation  embraces  Peace  with  great  joy.  [' 


Defoe. 
706. 


terms,  the  Bear-Garden  insulting  language  I  have,  daily, 
thrown  upon  me,  in  all  parts,  for  persuading  men  to  Peace. 
If  I  had  been  assassinated  as  often  as  I  have  been  threatened 
with  pistols,  daggers,  and  swords ;  I  had  long  ago  paid  dear 
for  this  Undertaking  ! 

But  I  go  naked  [without  arms]  and  unguarded.  These 
Gentlemen  are  harmless  enemies.  They  are  like  Colonel 
L[  ]'s  Sergeant  at  S[  ]ld;  that,  while  I  was  there, 
said  not  a  word  to  me  ;  but  as  soon  as  I  was  gone,  was  for 
doing  terrible  things  to  me,  when  he  could  find  me  !  Or  like 
Justice  S[  ]d  of  Devonshire,  that  issued  his  Warrant  for 
me,  and  caused  all  the  houses  in  the  town  to  be  searched 
except  that  he  knew  I  lodged  in  ;  and  sent  to  every  part  of  the 
country  [county]  for  me,  but  that  to  which  he  knew  I  was  gone. 

I  remark  nothing,  from  these  passages,  so  much  as  the 
weak  grounds  these  people  know  they  have,  for  their  resent- 
ment. Is  it  possible  a  man  can  merit  so  much  ill  will  for 
persuading  men  to  Peace  ?  Were  it  not  that  their  designs 
being  from  another  place,  and  of  another  kind  ;  the  heavenly 
glorious  spirit  of  Peace  is  particularly  hateful  and  unpleasant 
to  them. 

Well,  Gentlemen,  so  the  Peace  be  wrought ;  let  what  will 
become  of  me,  I  am  unsolicitous  !  and,  blessed  be  GOD  !  it 
is  effectually  wrought !  The  victory  is  gained,  the  battle  is 
over,  and  I  have  done ! 

Why  did  I  solicit  to  have  all  cavilling  Papers  suppressed  ? 
Not  that  we  have  not  the  better  of  the  argument  in  every 
case  ;  for  really  the  adverse  Party  have  nothing  to  say  !  And 
as  I  had  not  begun  this  Paper  but  with  a  prospect  of  a  justi- 
fiable necessity ;  so  the  work  being  over,  the  necessity 
ceases ;  and,  lo,  I  return  to  the  matter  I  was  on  before ;  and 
the  writing  of  and  persuading  to  Peace  ends  with  the  Volume, 
because  the  thing  is  obtained.  The  nation  embraces  Peace 
with  a  universal  joy,  and  there  remains  now  no  more  occasion 
to  persuade. 

How  easy,  how  satisfied,  how  pleased  does  all  the  nation 
appear !  Peace  and  joy  sit  on  the  faces  of  our  people.  Not 
one  man  that  has  any  regard  for,  or  sense  of  the  Public  Good 
but  rejoices  at  it  !  How  people  congratulate  one  another ! 
and  bless  the  Time  !  the  Queen  !  the  Government !  and  every 
instrument  of  this  extraordinary  Turn  of  Affairs  ! 


^,f°|;]FiNE  Paper  copies  of  the  Review  given  away.  231 

What  glory  has  this  happy  conjunction  brought  to  Her 
Majesty's  reign  !  From  this  time,  the  nation  will  take  the 
date  of  her  new  prosperity  1  and  the  reign  of  this  Queen,  like 
that  of  Queen  Elizabeth,  will  be  ranked  in  history,  among 
those  of  the  most  fortunate  of  the  nation  !  Nor  can  Posterity 
do  Her  Majesty  justice,  if  they  do  not  own  that  this  universal 
happiness  has  had  its  rise  in  the  Court.  The  Queen  has  not 
only  the  honour,  but  Her  Majesty  has  been  really  the  Instru- 
ment of  this  peace  !  and  would  our  wiser  Hot  Party  have 
given  due  regard  to  Her  Majesty's  exhortations,  this  peace 
had  been  brought  to  pass  a  great  while  sooner. 

We  have  had  formerly,  a  great  struggle  between  Court 
Party  and  Country  Party ;  and  always  saw  cause  to  suspect 
the  former  of  encroaching  on  our  liberties  :  but  the  case  is 
quite  contrar}^  here.  Her  Majesty  so  espouses  the  real 
Interest  of  her  people,  and  obliges  all  that  depend  on  her 
service  to  do  so  ;  that  Patriots  are  our  Courtiers,  the  Prince's 
favourites  are  the  People's  favourites,  and  our  safety  is  now 
found  in  them  we  used  always  to  be  afraid  of.  Such  effects 
have  wise  Princes  upon  their  affairs,  that  regis  ad  exemplnm, 
the  Crown  shall  be  the  People's  Saviour,  and  the  Men  of 
Rights  and  Privileges  become  the  Men  of  Oppression  and 
Confusions. 

May  our  sense  of  this  Peace,  and  of  Her  Majesty's  care  of 
the  privileges  and  properties  of  subjects  continuall)-  increase  ! 
that  the  Obligation  [see  p.  yy]  to  such  a  Princess  may  sink 
deep  in  the  minds  of  these  people,  and  they  may  follow  those 
exhortations  to  Union  and  Peace,  which  Her  Majesty  exhorts 
to  encourage,  and  has  had  such  success  in  attempting. 

This  Volume  is  now  ended.  Those  Gentlemen  that  think 
this  Work  useful  enough  to  deserve  binding  it,  have  herewith 
an  Index  of  the  particulars  for  their  convenience. 

I  shall  be  very  glad  our  Peace  may  be  so  settled  that,  in 
future  Ages,  there  may  be  no  occasion  to  make  these  Papers 
further  useful.  D  E    FOE. 

ADVERTISEMENT. 

The  Gentlemen  who  were  pleased  to  be  Subscribers  for  the  encourage- 
ment of  this  Work,  in  spite  of  all  the  banters  and  reproaches  of  the 
Town  ;  if  they  please  to  send  to  Mr.  Mattheivs,  may  have  the  Volume 
of  this  past  year  delivered  them  gratis,  printed  upon  thejine  paper. 


^32 

Preface  to  the   Third  Volume  of  the 

Review. 

[1706.] 

T  HAS  been  the  misfortune  of  this  Paper, 
among  all  the  other  rubs  it  has  had  in  its 
way,  that  the  Volumes  have  been  a  little  too 
much  depending  upon  one  another. 

Such  has  been  the  Course  of  the  Subject, 
the  length  of  the  Circumstance  then  on  foot, 
or  the  absence  of  the  Author,  that  the  Story 
and  the  Book  have  not  brought  their  periods  to 
jump  exactly.  Thus  it  was  in  the  last  Volume,  which  broke 
off  in  the  middle  of  the  great  Undertaking  which  the  Author, 
at  the  utmost  hazard,  went  through,  in  pressing  this  nation  to 
Peace,  and  warning  them  against  a  sort  of  people,  then 
known  by  the  names  of  Tackers  and  Tories. 

And  thus  it  is  now,  when  pursuing  the  same  general  good 
of  his  native  country,  the  Author  has  embarked  in  the  great 
affair  of  the  Union  of  Britain. 

I  must  confess  I  have  sometimes  thought  it  very  hard, 
that  having  voluntarily,  without  the  least  direction,  resis- 
tance, or  encouragement  (in  spite  of  all  that  has  been 
suggested),  taken  upon  me  the  most  necessary  work  of 
removing  national  prejudices  against  the  two  most  capital 
blessings  of  the  World,  Peace  and  Union  ;  I  should  have 
the  disaster  to  have  the  nations  receive  the  Doctrine,  and 
damn  the  Teacher.  That  even  those  that  have  owned  the 
truth  of  what  has  been  said,  and  even  the  seasonableness  of 
saying  it,  have  nevertheless  flown  in  the  face  of  the  Instru- 
ment :  endeavouring  to  break  the  poor  earthen  vessel,  by 
which  the  rich  treasure  (viz.  the  Knowledge  of  their  own 
Happiness)  has  been  conveyed. 

Indeed,  I  cannot  but  complain  !  and  should  I  descend  to 
particulars,  it  would  hardly  appear  credible  that  in  a 
Christian,  a  Protestant,  Reformed  nation,  any  man  could 
receive  such  treatment,  as  I  have  done,  from  even  those  very 
people  whose  consciences  and  judgements  have  stooped  to 
the  venerable  Truth  ;  and  owned  it  has  been  useful,  service- 
able, and  seasonable. 

It    would    make    this   Preface   a   History,   to  relate   the 


^f^°^;]  What  has  Defoe  to  do  with  Public  Affairs  ?  233 

reproaches,  the  insults,  the  contempt  with  which  these  Papers 
have  been  treated,  in  discourse,  writing,  and  print ;  even  by 
those  that  say  they  are  embarked  in  the  same  Cause,  and 
pretend  to  write  for  the  same  PubHc  Good. 

The  charge  made  against  me,  of  partiahty,  of  bribery,  of  pen- 
sions and  payments  :  a  thing,  the  circumstances,  family,  and 
fortunes  of  a  man  devoted  to  his  country's  peace,  clears  me  of. 

If  paid,  Gentlemen  !  for  writing,  if  hired,  if  employed  ; 
why  still  harassed  with  merciless  and  malicious  men  ?  why 
pursued  to  all  extremities  by  Law  for  old  accounts,  which 
you  clear  other  men  of,  every  day?  why  oppressed,  dis- 
tressed, and  driven  from  his  family ;  and  from  all  his  pros- 
pects of  delivering  them  or  himself  ?  Is  this  the  fate  of  men 
employed  and  hired  ?  Is  this  the  figure,  the  agents  of 
Courts  and  Princes  make  ? 

Certainly,  had  I  been  hired  or  employed,  those  people  that 
own  the  service  [employed  me]  would,  by  this  time,  have  set 
their  servant  free  from  the  little  and  implacable  malice  of 
litigious  prosecutions,  murdering  Warrants,  and  men  whose 
mouths  are  to  be  stopped  by  trifles. 

Let  this  suffice,  then,  to  clear  me  of  all  the  little  and  scan- 
dalous charge,  of  being  hired  and  employed. 

I  come  next  to  examine  what  testimonies  I  have  of  this 
Work  being  my  proper  employ.  For  some  of  our  good 
friends,  whose  Censure  runs  before  their  Charity,  attack  me 
with  this.  "  Ay,  it  is  true  !  These  things  are  so  :  but  what  has 
he  to  do  to  meddle  with  it  ?  What  has  he  to  do,  to  examine  the 
conduct  of  Parliament  men,  or  exhort  the  People  to  this  or  that  ?  " 

Wise  Gentlemen,  in  truth,  pray  go  on  with  it !  "  Sirs,  ay, 
it  is  true,  he  did  happen  to  see  a  house  just  on  fire  :  but  what  had 
he  to  do  to  make  a  noise,  wake  all  the  neighbourhood,  fright[en] 
their  children,  and  like  a  busy  fellow,  cry  "  Fire  !  "  in  the  night ! 
It  was  none  of  his  tteighbourhood  !  He  had  ne'er  a  house  there  ! 
What  business  had  he  to  meddle  ?  " 

Or  to  put  it  another  way.  **  Ay,  indeed,  he  did  happen  to  see 
a  parcel  of  rogues  breaking  up  a  Gentle})ian's  house  in  the  night ; 
but  what  business  had  he  to  go  and  raise  the  country  [county] 
upon  them  !  cry  "  Thieves  !  "  and  "  Murder  !  "  and  I  know  not 
what !  and  so  bring  a  parcel  of  poor  fellows  to  the  gallows ! 
What  business  had  he  with  it  ?  It  was  none  of  his  house  /  " 


234  Defoe  has  land  and  children. [°- 


Defoe. 

1706. 


Truly,  Gentlemen,  this  is  just  the  case.  I  saw  a  parcel  of 
people  caballing  together  to  ruin  Property,  corrupt  the 
Laws,  invade  the  Government,  debauch  the  People ;  and  in 
short,  enslave  and  embroil  the  Nation  :  and  I  cried  "  Fire ! " 
or  rather,  I  cried  "  Water  !  "  for  the  fire  was  begun  already. 
I  saw  all  the  nation  running  into  confusions,  and  directly 
flying  in  the  face  of  one  another,  and  cried  out  "  Peace  !  "  I 
called  upon  all  sorts  of  people  that  had  any  senses,  to  collect 
them  together  and  judge  for  themselves,  what  they  were 
going  to  do ;  and  excited  them  to  lay  hold  of  the  madmen,  and 
take  from  them  the  wicked  weapon,  the  knife ;  with  which 
they  were  going  to  destroy  their  mother !  rip  up  the  bowels 
of  their  country  !  and  at  last  effectually  ruin  themselves  ! 

And  what  had  I  to  do  with  this  ?  Why,  yes,  Gentlemen,  I 
had  the  same  right  as  every  man  that  has  a  footing  in  his 
country,  or  that  has  a  posterity  to  possess  Liberty  and  claim 
Right,  must  have  :  viz.,  as  far  as  possible  to  preserve  the 
Laws,  Liberty,  and  Government  of  that  country  to  which  he 
belongs.  And  he  that  charges  me  with  meddling  in  what 
does  not  concern  me,  meddles  himself  with  what,  it  is  plain 
he  does  not  understand. 

Well,  through  all  the  maltreatment  of  both  friends  and 
enemies,  I  have  hitherto,  undiscouraged  by  the  worst  cir- 
cumstances, unrewarded  and  unsupported,  pursued  the  first 
design  of  pressing  all  people  that  have  any  regard  for  the 
Interest  of  Religion,  the  honour  of  their  country,  and  the 
good  of  posterity,  to  come  to  a  Temper  about  Party  strifes  ! 
to  shorten  their  disputes  !  encourage  calmness !  and  revive 
the  old  Christian  principle  of  Love  to  one  another. 

I  shall  not  boast  here  of  my  success.  Let  the  rage  and 
implacable  hatred  against  me,  conceived  by  the  enemies  of 
this  healing  principle ;  let  the  confessions  of  those  who  reap 
the  benefit  and  own  the  service,  though  they  abandon  and 
despise  the  Instrument ;  let  these  be  my  witnesses !  and 
these  shall  testify  for  me,  that  I  have  not  been  an  unprofit- 
able servant  to  anybody  but  myself  1  and  of  that,  I  am 
entirely  regardless  in  this  case. 

From  the  same  zeal  with  which  I  first  pursued  this  blessed 
subject  of  Peace,  I  found  myself  embarked  in  the  farther 


^ifS:]  Attempts  at  removing  National  Prejudices  235 

extent  of  it,  I  mean,  THE  UNION.  If  I  thought  myself 
obliged,  in  duty  to  the  Public  Interest,  to  use  my  utmost 
endeavour  to  quiet  the  minds  of  enraged  Parties  ;  I  found 
myself  under  a  stronger  necessity  to  embark  in  the  same 
design,  between  too  much  enraged  Nations. 

As  to  the  principle,  from  which  I  have  acted,  I  shall  leave 
to  the  issues  of  Time,  to  determine  whether  it  has  been 
sincere  or  not  ?  Hypocrites  only  make  use  of  masks  and 
false  lights  to  conceal  present  reserved  designs  :  Truth  and 
Sincerity  only  dare  appeal  to  Time  and  Consequences. 

I  covet  no  better  testimony  of  the  well-laid  design  of  these 
Sheets,  than  that  evidence  Time  and  farther  light  into  Truth 
shall  discover  ! 

I  saw  the  Union  of  the  two  Kingdoms  begun.  I  saw  the 
principle,  on  which  both  sides  seemed  to  act,  look  with  a 
different  face,  from  what  was  ever  made  use  of  before.  All 
the  former  treaties  looked  like  Politic  Shams,  mere  Amuse- 
ments and  frauds  to  draw  in  and  deceive  the  people :  while 
Commissioners  met,  little  qualified  and  less  inclined  to  the 
General  Good  of  the  whole. 

But  now  I  thought  I  foresaw  the  success  of  the  Treaty  in 
the  temper,  sincerity,  and  inclinations  of  the  Treaters  on 
both  sides.  They  came  together  furnished  for  the  work, 
convinced  fully  of  the  advantages  on  both  sides  of  it,  and 
blessed  with  sincere  intentions  to  bring  it  to  pass. 

When  I  saw  this,  I  thought  it  my  duty  to  do  my  part 
without  doors.  And  I  know  no  part  I  could  act,  in  my 
sphere,  so  natural,  so  useful,  and  so  proper  to  the  work,  as 
to  attempt  to  remove  the  National  Prejudices,  which  both 
peoples,  by  the  casualty  of  time,  and  the  errors,  industry,  and 
malice  of  Parties,  had  too  eagerly  taken  up,  and  were  too 
tenacious  of,  one  against  another. 

To  this  purpose,  I  wrote  two  Essays  against  national  pre- 
judices in  England  [An  Essay  at  removing  National  Prejudices 
against  a  Union  with  Scotland.  Part  I.  published  on  4th 
May,  and  Part  II.  on  28th  May,  1706],  while  the  Treaty  was 
in  agitation  there :  and  four  more  in  Scotland,  while  it  was 
debating  in  Scotland  by  the  Parliament  there  :  the  contents 
of  all  which  are  repeated  in  this  Paper. 

Nor  did  I  think  my  time  or  labour  ill  bestowed  to  take  a 
long,  tedious,  and  hazardous  journey  thither ;  or  to  expose 


236  Defoe  for  16  months  in  Scotland.  [' 


n.  Defoe. 
70O. 


myself  to  a  thousand  insults,  scoffs,  rabbles,  and  tumults; 
to  all  manner  of  despiteful  and  injurious  treatment;  if  pos- 
sible, to  bring  the  people  there  to  their  senses,  and  free  them 
from  the  unreasonable  prejudices  they  had  entertained 
against  the  prosperity  of  their  country. 

And  having  seen  the  Treaty  happily  ratified  there,  with 
some  few  amendments,  which  I  hope  are  not  considerable  ; 
I  thought  this  a  proper  period  to  close  this  Volume,  which 
had  already  run  beyond  its  usual  bounds :  and  the  next 
Volume  will  begin  at  the  Parliament  of  England  entering 
upon  the  Treaty  ;  where  I  hope,  it  shall  meet  with  better 
treatment  than  it  has  met  with  in  Scotland,  and  a  better 
reception  with  the  people. 

If  it  shall  be  my  lot  to  live  to  see  this  Treaty  finished,  I 
think  to  venture  one  Essay  at  the  General  and  Reciprocal 
Duties  of  the  two  Nations,  one  to  another.  In  which,  I  shall 
endeavour  to  move  England,  to  engage  Scotland  with  all  the 
acts  of  kindness  and  all  the  advantages  which  can  be  desired 
in  reason,  in  order  to  plant  and  cultivate  the  new  relation  of 
the  two  kingdoms:  and  on  the  other  hand,  to  move  Scotland 
to  entertain  no  jealousies,  nor  be  anxious  about  anything, 
without  great  reason  and  good  ground,  as  the  only  way  to 
bring  about  the  general  peace  of  both  Kingdoms,  and  settle 
the  doubtful  minds  of  the  people  on  both  sides. 

This  I  hope  I  shall  pursue  with  an  equality  of  arguments 
on  both  sides,  without  partiality  or  affection  to  one  more 
than  another  :  and  in  that,  shew  that  the  original  of  my 
concerning  myself  in  this  matter,  was  merely  to  be  service- 
able, if  possible,  to  both  Kingdoms,  and  to  the  united  body 
in  general. 

I  doubt  not,  however,  but  I  shall  give  offence  in  this  too  ! 
For  there  are  a  people  in  the  world  who  are  not  to  be  pleased 
with  anything !  But  I  shall  content  myself,  in  pursuing 
what  is  the  true  end  of  Union,  the  flourishing  of  Peace,  and 
the  equalities  on  every  hand,  in  matters  of  Advantage, 
Liberty,  Religion,  and  Trade. 

I  am  very  sensible  all  coalitions  without  this,  will  render 
the  Union  still  imperfect  and  ineffectual.  The  Union  will 
never  have  its  full  perfection  of  extent,  nor  will  either  nation 
reap  the  benefit  of  it,  till  it  becomes  a  Union  of  Affection  and 
a  Union  of  Interest. 


^^1%-^  Preface  TO  Fourth  Volume  OF  THE  7?.£r/£fr.  237 

This  is  my  business :  and  let  the  enemies  of  GOD  and  the 
Nation's  Peace  be  as  angry  as  they  please,  this  is  what  I 
shall  pursue  to  the  uttermost !  This  Volume  ends  with  it ! 
the  next  will  begin  with  it !  and  those  that  cry,  "  It  is  too 
long,  and  it  is  nothing  but  what  has  been  heard  before  !  " 
must  bear  with  the  prolixity  of  the  Author,  till  they  please  to 
shorten  the  occasion. 

Whenever  they  please  to  lay  aside  their  spirit  of  division, 
anger,  malice,  wrath,  strife,  &c. ;  when  they  leave  off  raising 
unnecessary  heats  about  scruples  and  trifles,  merely  to 
divide,  not  to  inform;  when  National  Prejudices  on  either 
side  cease,  and  I  can  see  the  least  prospect  of  a  Calm  among 
the  men  of  cavil  and  continual  objection  :  I  shall  be  the  first 
that  shall  cease  calling  upon  them  to  Peace.  But  till  then, 
the  tautology  is  in  the  Crime,  not  in  the  Reprover  :  and  I  shall 
not  fail  to  alarm  them  on  all  occasions. 


Preface  to  the  Fourth    Volume  of 

the  Review. 

[1708.] 

Have  been  so  loth  to  interrupt  the  discourse 
of  Public  Things,  that  I  have  run  this  Volume 
to  an  unusual  length :  but  there  is  a  necessity 
of  ending  it  here. 

I  shall  make  no  scruple  to  tell  you,  I  think 
this  Volume  the  best  qualified  to  inform  the 
readers  of  the  Affair  on  the  north  side  of 
Britain  ;  of  anything  at  least  that  I  have  writ- 
ten. I  was  not  unsensible,  when  I  entered  on  the  particulars 
of  the  Union,  that  it  would  cloy  the  wandering  humour  of 
this  Age ;  who  hate  to  dwell  upon  a  thing,  though  of  never 
so  great  moment :  nay,  so  eager  are  they  to  see  novelty,  that 
when  they  are  best  pleased  with  a  subject  in  its  beginning, 
yet  they  will  never  have  patience  to  hear  it  out. 

However,  I  was  content  to  hear  the  readers  of  this  Paper 
cry,  "  It  was  dull !  "  ;  see  them  throw  it  by,  without  reading ; 
and  hear  them  say,  "  He  preaches  so  long  on  the  Union, 
because  he  has   nothing   else  to  say."     And,  in  short,  all 


238  Defoe's  anticipations  of  Siege  of  Toulon,  [^lln 

manner  of  contempt  has  been  thrown  upon  it,  not  because 
the  Affair  of  the  Union  was  not  worth  recording ;  nor  was  it, 
in  itself,  useless  :  but  Union !  Union !  nothing  but  Union  ! 
for  four  months  together,  glutted  their  fancy,  and  palled  the 
modishness  of  the  Town's  humour.  And  so  the  poor  Review 
lost  its  faculty  of  pleasing  you. 

And  now  I  am  to  tell  you,  that  I  value  this  Volume  for  that 
very  thing,  for  which  it  lost  so  much  of  the  common  opinion. 
Nor  is  this  value  I  put  upon  it,  merely  my  own.  I  have  the 
approbation  of  that  valuable  Few,  whose  judgement  I  have 
reason  to  esteem,  and  with  which  I  am  abundantly  contented. 

The  former  Volumes  pleased  the  Readers  of  the  Day  better 
than  this ;  and  this  will  please  the  Readers  of  Futurity 
better  than  they :  and  thus  what  I  lost  in  the  Shire,  I  shall 
find  in  the  Hundred ;  and  I  am  very  well  contented. 

I  am  not  going  about  to  panegj-ric  upon  my  own  Work  in 
this  :  but  to  answer  some  of  the  innumerable  cavils,  which 
generally  attack  me  in  every  thing  I  do.     And  this  is  one. 

"  What  does  this  fellow  pretend  to  !  "  says  a  Warm  Gentle- 
man, with  a  band  on,  at  a  public  coffee-house  not  far  from 
Newgate  street;  "  he  has  been  in  Scotland  this  twelvemonth, 
and  he  pretends  to  write  a  Paper  in  London !  What  can  he 
say  to  anything,  either  in  its  time,  or  to  any  purpose  ?  " 

Really,  Gentlemen,  I  was  under  the  inconvenience  of 
distance  of  place ;  and  suffered  some  reproach  which  could 
not  be  avoided  :  particularly  when  a  Review  was  published 
making  some  conjectures  about  the  Siege  of  Toulon  ;  and,  in 
spite  of  a  person's  care  who  pretended  to  revise  it,  that  very 
Paper  was  printed  the  next  post  after  the  news  arrived  that 
the  siege  was  raised.  But  though,  by  the  negligence  of  the 
person  I  depended  upon  to  repair  that  defect  which  my  dis- 
tance occasioned,  I  fell  into  that  misfortune:  yet,  Gentlemen, 
the  guesses  at,  and  inferences  from  the  affair  of  Toulon  which 
I,  too  unhappily,  appeared  right  in,  might  very  well  atone  for 
that  slip;  and  does  do  so,  in  the  eyes  of  all  friendly  remarkers. 

How  I  was  treated  in  the  affair  of  that  siege ;  how 
insulted  by  Observators  and  Rehearsers,  for  my  suggesting  you 
would  be  balked  in  that  design  ;  how  charged  with  directing 
the  enemy,  for  telling  you  what  they  would  do,  though  some 
of  it  was  after  it  was  done :  I  need  not  remind  you  of.  I 
reflect  on  it  with  this  satisfaction,  that  when  the  Town  saw 


°'  ^itos:]  The  French  attempt  on  Scotland  in  i  708.  239 

I  had  but  made  too  right  a  judgement,  and  their  wagers  of 
70  guineas  to  receive  100,  gave  me  an  opportunity  to  upbraid 
their  blind  conclusions  in  my  turn,  and  use  them  as  they 
deserved  :  I  yet  forbore  it,  and  shewed  them  I  knew  how  to 
receive  ill  usage  without  returning  it. 

And  after  all  this,  I  must  tell  you,  it  is  none  of  the  easiest 
things  in  the  World,  to  write  a  Paper  to  come  out  three  times 
a  week  among  you ;  and  perhaps  be  liable  to  more  censure 
and  ill  usage  also,  than  other  Papers  are,  and  yet,  at  the 
same  time,  reside  for  sixteen  months  together,  at  almost  four 
hundred  miles  distance  from  London,  and  sometimes  at  more. 

The  Volume  is  now  ended,  and  the  next  begins  with  a 
new  scene  of  Affairs.  This  tells  you  much  of  your  behaviour 
to  your  brethren  of  North  Britain,  upon  your  uniting  with 
them  :  the  next  will  tell  you  something  of  their  usage  of  you, 
after  this  Union. 

The  French  have  made  an  Attempt  on  them  [the  attempted 
invasion  of  Scotland,  by  a  fleet  from  Dunkirk,  under  FOURBIN, 
in  March,  1708] ;  and  we  are  yet  in  suspense  concerning  the 
issue  of  that  affair.  I  must  own,  considering  the  circum- 
stances of  that  part  of  Britain,  I  have  often  wondered  they 
had  not  done  it  sooner:  and  had  they  made  but  the  like  shew 
of  an  invasion,  whether  they  completed  it  or  not,  in  the  time 
of  the  Treaty  and  Parliament,  the  last  year  [1707]  ;  I  think 
I  may  safely  tell  you,  either  the  Union  had  been  made  with 
more  unanimity,  or  never  made  at  all. 

After  all,  I  am  free  to  say,  if  the  French  are  disappointed 
in  the  present  Attempt  they  are  making  on  that  country,  the 
benefit  to  Scotland  will  be  worth  all  the  fright,  expense,  and 
fatigue  it  has  put  us  to :  for  it  has  made  a  great  progress 
in  discovering  faces,  and  turning  some  people  inside  out. 
You  have  now  an  opportunity  to  separate  sheep  and  goats  ; 
and  to  distinguish  between  dissatisfied  Presbyterians  and 
dissatisfied  Episcopal  Dissenters.  How  one,  though  discon- 
tented at  circumstances,  is  hearty  and  stedfast  to  the  Founda- 
tion ;  the  other,  though  openly  quiet  and  seemingly  passive, 
yet  is  apparently  hatching  destruction  to  the  Establishment, 
both  Civil  and  Sacred. 

I  have  given  you  no  Index  to  this  Volume,  as  a  thing 
which  the  subject  of  it  does  not  so  naturally  require. 

In  my  next,  I  have  begun,  to  make  one  part  of  the  Work 


240    Union  !   Union  !  nothing  but   Union  !     p- 


Defos. 


to  contain  a  kind  of  History  of  Fact ;  I  mean  as  far  as  relates 
to  the  present  Affair  in  Scotland  :  and  though  it  may  look  as 
if  I  invaded  the  News-Writer's  province,  yet  I  believe  the 
issue  will  prove  it  otherwise.  Most  of  what  I  shall  com- 
municate to  you,  being  by  Hands  they  cannot  converse  with, 
and  on  a  subject  which  they  cannot  acquaint  you  of. 

I  should  make  some  apology  for  the  length  of  this  Volume, 
which  I  know  is  some  charge  to  the  Collectors  of  it,  but  I 
know  no  better  excuse  to  make  for  it,  than  by  assuring  you, 
if  I  live  to  finish  any  more,  they  shall  be  of  a  shorter  extent : 
and  to  Amend  an  error,  is  Confession  and  Reformation  best 
put  together.  Your  humble  servant,  D.  F. 

Volumes  of  this  Work  on  the  fine  paper,  will  he  ready  next 
Week,  to  he  delivered  to  those  Gentlemen,  gratis,  who  were  pleased 
to  he  Subscrihers  to  the  Author  at  his  first  undertaking  [it]. 

jf.  Matthews. 

Preface  to  the  Fifth    Volume  of 

the  Review. 

[1709.] 

He  Fifth  Volume  having  now  run  a  full  year, 
two  reasons  oblige  me  to  put  an  end  to  it. 

1.  The  usual  bulk  of  the  book  requiring  it, 
and 

2.  The  request  of  some  Gentlemen  in  Scot- 
land :  who  have,  by  their  own  voluntary 
subscription  encouraged  the  reprinting 
it  at  Edinburgh  ;  and  being  to  begin  at 

this  Quarter,  have  desired  that  the  Volume  and  their  sub- 
scription may  go  on  together. 

It  has  been  customary  to  add  a  Preface  to  every  Volume; 
which,  though  placed  at  the  beginning,  is  written,  as  this  is, 
at  the  end  of  the  Work. 

The  great  variety,  this  Work  has  gone  through,  gives 
indeed  room  for  a  large  Preface :  but  I  shall  reduce  it  to  a 
shorter  compass  than  usual. 

The  Author  having  been  in  Scotland,  at  the  time  of  finish- 
ing the  Union  there  [1706 — 1707]  ;  the  last  Volume  and  this 
are  taken  up,  in  many  parts  of  them,  with  that  Affair. 


M 

IS 

R 

.ff^^ 

^  **-^.. 

D.  Defoe. 

1709- 


]  The  Story  is  too  long  a  telling.   24: 


At  first,  the  novelty  of  the  Union  took  up  everybody's 
thoughts,  and  the  Town  was  delighted  to  hear  the  disputed 
points,  as  they  went  on  :  but  Novelty,  this  Age's  whore, 
debauching  their  taste,  as  soon  as  they  had  fed  on  the  Shell 
of  the  Union,  they  were  satisfied ;  and  the  Review  entering 
into  the  Substance  of  it — they  grew  palled  and  tired. 

Like  an  honest  Country  Gentleman,  who  hearing  his 
Minister  preach  most  excellently  on  the  subject  of  Eternal 
Blessedness,  applauded  him  up  to  the  skies,  for  his  first 
sermon.  The  good  man  thinking  it  was  useful  as  well  as 
acceptable,  or  indeed  thinking  it  would  be  useful  because  it 
was  acceptable,  went  on  with  the  subject.  But  the  Gentle- 
man was  observed  to  sleep  all  the  while. 

It  happened  that  a  stranger  coming  to  his  house,  and 
going  to  Church  with  him,  was  exceedingly  taken  with  the 
admirable  Discourse  of  the  Minister:  and  praising  him  to 
the  Gentleman,  asked  him  with  freedom,  "  How  he  could 
sleep,  while  he  was  upon  such  a  sublime  subject,  and  handled 
it  so  admirably  well  ?  " 

"  Why,  truly,"  says  he,  "  I  was  mightily  pleased  with  it, 
for  the  first  sermon  or  two.  But  I  hate  a  story  that  is  long 
a  telling  !" 

And  indeed.  Gentlemen,  it  is  too  true  in  practice.  One  reason 
why  your  Ministers  are  no  more  acceptable,  and  their  Preach- 
ing no  more  minded,  is  this  very  thing.  This  Story  of  Heaven  is 
so  long  a  telling,  you  hate  to  hear  of  it !     But  that  by  the  by. 

And  just  thus  it  was  with  the  Review.  The  people  would 
take  up  the  Paper,  and  read  two  or  three  lines  in  it,  and  find 
it  related  to  Scotland  and  the  Union,  and  throw  it  away. 
"  Union  !  Union  !  this  fellow  can  talk  of  nothing  but  Union  ! 
I  think  he  will  never  have  done  with  this  Union  !  He  is 
grown  mighty  dull,  of  late  !  " 

And  yet.  Gentlemen,  give  me  leave  to  tell  you,  you  have 
hardly  learnt  to  understand  the  Union  all  this  while.  The 
truth  of  the  case  is  this.  The  story  is  good,  but  it  is  too  long  a 
telling.  You  hate  a  long  story !  The  palate  is  glutted. 
Novelty  is  the  food  you  lust  after  :  and  if  the  story  were  of 
Heaven,  you  will  be  cloyed  with  the  length  of  it. 

Now,  Gentlemen,  the  Author  takes  the  liberty  to  tell  you, 
he  knew  (though  distant)  the  general  dislike,  and  he  knew 
the  disease  of  your  reading  appetite.     And  though,  at  other 

Q  3 


242  Join  hearts  as  well  as  hands!  p 


Defoe. 
1709. 


times,  he  has  laboured  to  please  you  by  variety,  and  divert- 
ing subjects  :  yet  he  found  this  Affair  so  necessary,  so  useful, 
and  (with  some  few  good  judgements)  so  desirable,  that  he 
chose  to  be  called  "  dull "  and  "  exhausted,"  he  ventured  the 
general  censure  of  the  Town  Critics,  to  pursue  the  subject. 
And  ventures  to  tell  you,  that,  among  those  people  whose 
opinion  is  past  any  man's  contempt,  these  Two  Volumes 
pass  for  the  most  useful  of  the  Five  :  and  I  cannot  but  join 
my  assent  to  it.  The  Bookseller  [publisher]  also  gives  a 
testimony  to  the  truth  of  this,  by  an  observation  particular 
to  the  trade,  viz.,  that  of  these  Two  Volumes  fewer  have 
been  sold  in  single  sheets,  but  twice  the  number  in  Volumes 
of  any  of  the  former. 

Nor  has  it  been  without  its  testimony  abroad,  since  the 
application  of  the  Author,  in  this  volume  especially,  to  the 
real  work  of  Uniting  the  Hearts  of  these  two  Nations,  who 
have  so  lately  joined  Hands,  has  been  received  by  our  breth- 
ren of  North  Britain,  as  so  profitable,  so  honest,  and  so  needful 
a  Work,  that  they  have  desired  the  reprinting  it  at  Edinburgh, 
in  order  to  its  being  seen  throughout  Scotland,  and  have  volun- 
tarily subscribed  a  sufficient  sum  for  the  expense  of  it. 

Unhappy  to  you  in  England,  is  the  inference  I  draw  from 
hence,  viz. : 

That  it  seems,  you  Gentlemen  in  England  were  more 
solicitous  to  bring  the  Scots  into  a  Union,  than  you  are  to 
pursue  the  vital  principles  of  that  Union,  now  it  is  made.  I 
mean  Union  of  Affection,  and  Union  of  Interests ;  in  which 
alone,  the  happiness  of  both  Kingdoms  consists. 

I  must  confess,  and  I  speak  it  to  your  reproach  !  the  tem- 
per you  shewed  of  Uniting,  when  first  you  put  the  wheels  to 
work  to  form  the  Union,  seemed  to  me  quite  different  from 
what  you  shew,  now  it  is  done.  As  if,  your  politic  ends 
being  answered,  you  were  diligent  to  discover  that  you  did 
not  unite  from  any  true  design  of  General  Good,  but  for  your 
Private  Advantage  only.  Thus  you  seem  now  united  to 
Scotland,  but  not  one  jot  more  united  to  the  Scots  nation. 

And  do  not  call  this  a  slander,  Gentlemen  !  For  I  can 
give  you  but  too  many  instances  of  it,  though  I  spare  you 
for  the  present :  my  desire  being  to  heal,  not  exasperate. 

But  this  I  cannot  omit.  How  have  you  permitted  insolent 
scribblers  to   abuse,  reproach,  and   insult  the   Established 


D.  Defoe. 

1709, 


]  The  Kirk  not  favoured  like  the  Church.  243 


Church  of  Scotland  !  slander  the  very  nation  !  and  insult  her 
Judicatories  in  print  !  even  while  the  very  Parliament  of 
Britain  is  sitting.  And  yet  the  Laws  have  not  been  executed 
in  that  behalf,  nor  the  Legislative  Authority  been  pleased  to 
give  that  discouragement  to  it,  that,  in  case  of  the  Established 
Church  of  England  being  so  treated,  has  frequently  been 
done ;  and,  I  believe,  would  have  been  done. 

I  speak  not  to  prompt  any  private  man's  persecution.  My 
design  is  not  to  punish  persons,  but  to  prevent  the  practice. 

But,  with  all  humble  deference  to  the  Parliament  of  Britain 
now  sitting,  and  whose  care  and  concern  the  Church  of 
Scotland  is,  and  ought  to  be,  equally  with  the  Church  of 
England;  I  crave  their  leave  to  ask  this  question. 

If  the  Government  and  Discipline,  if  the  Doctrine  and 
Worship,  if  the  Judicatories  and  Authority  of  the  Church  of 
Scotland  (which,  by  the  Union,  are  legally  established;  and 
are  the  care  of  the  whole  nation  to  support)  shall  be  trampled 
under  foot,  reproached,  slandered  and  insulted,  be  libelled 
and  falsely  accused  in  public  and  in  print ;  without  due 
resentment  and  legal  prosecution  :  and,  at  the  same,  the 
same  liberty  with  the  Church  of  England  is  not  taken ;  or  if 
taken,  is  not  allowed,  but  censured  and  prosecuted — HOW 
THEN  do  the  subjects  of  both  Kingdoms  enjoy  equal 
privileges  ?  And  if  you  do  not  permit  the  subjects  of  both 
Kingdoms  to  enjoy  equal  privileges  ;  how  then  is  the  Union 
made  more  and  more  effectual  ?  as  has  been  frequently  pro- 
posed to  be  done  in  our  British  Parliament. 

I  hope  there  is  nothing  bolder  in  this,  than  may  consist 
with  Reason,  with  Truth,  with  Justice,  and  with  due  Respect. 

I  may  seem  by  some  to  reflect  in  this,  on  the  Parliament's 
treating  a  late  Paper  concerning  the  Sacramental  Test :  but  I 
have  not  my  eye  that  way.  I  doubt  not,  but  when  GOD's 
time  is  come,  when  Dissenters  are  less  easy  in  Compliance, 
and  the  Church  of  England's  charity  less  straitened  in  Impo- 
sition ;  I  doubt  not,  I  say,  but  even  the  Church  herself  will 
take  that  yoke  from  the  necks  of  her  brethren,  and  cast  it  away, 
as  too  unchristian  !  too  near  akin  to  persecution !  and  too 
much  a  prostituting  the  Sacred  to  the  Profane,  to  consist 
either  with  her  reputation,  her  Interest,  or  her  principles  ! 

We  have  a  great  cry  here,  in  matters  of  Trade,  of  late, 
against  Monopolies  and  Exclusive  Companies.     I  wish  these 


244  The  Church  [&  Kirk],  religious  Monopolies. ^^^^ 

Gentlemen,  who  are  making  an  Exclusive  Company  of  the 
Church,  and  a  Monopoly  of  Religion,  would  remember  that 
these  things  are  what  they  themselves  will,  one  day,  cast  off 
as  a  deformity  in  practice,  and  a  deviation  from  the  great 
Rule  of  original  Charity.     But  of  this  hereafter. 

I  shall  end  this  Preface  with  this  short  remark  on  the 
Work  in  general.  The  title  is,  A  Review  of  the  State  of  the 
British  Nation.  I  cannot  pursue  this  Title,  and  make  the 
outside  and  inside  agree,  unless  I  always  plainly  animadvert 
upon  everything,  on  either  side,  which  appears  inconsistent 
with  you  all,  as  a  British  Nation:  that  is,  as  an  united  Nation. 

I  have  been  a  witness  to  the  great  Transaction  of  the 
Union.  I  know  the  warmth  with  which  England  pursued 
it.  I  know  the  difficulty  with  which  Scotland  complied  with 
it.  I  acknowledge,  it  lies  upon  England,  to  convince  the 
Scots  that  when  they  opposed  it,  they  stood  in  their  own 
light,  and  opposed  their  own  Wealth,  Freedom,  Safety  and 
Prosperity  :  and  this  can  only  be  done  by  endeavouring  to 
assist  them  in  Trade,  encouraging  them  in  Improvements, 
supporting  them  in  their  just  Liberties,  and  taking  off  their 
ancient  chains  of  bondage. 

And  if  this  be  omitted,  you  must  expect  to  be  told  of  it, 
by  this  Author,  as  long  as  he  has  a  tongue  to  speak  or  a 
hand  to  write,  whether  it  shall  please  you,  or  provoke  you. 

D.F. 


The  Preface  to  the  Sixth  Volume  of  the 

Review. 

(1710.] 

Am  now  come  to  the  conclusion  of  the  Sixth 
\'olume  of  this  Work  :  though  like  a  teeming 
woman,  I  have  thought  every  Volume  should 
be  the  last.  Where  it  will  end  now,  and  when  ; 
God  only  knows  !  and  time  only  will  discover. 
As  forme,  I  know  nothing  of  it ! 

This  particular  Paper,  though  written  at 
the  end  of  the  Work,  carries  the  title  of  the 
Preface,  more  because  it  is  placed  by  the  bookseller  at  the 
frontispiece,  than  that  it  is  anything  of  an  Introduction  to  the 


^■^fyio.]  Papist,  Jacobite,  &  High-Church  madmen.  245 

Volume :  for  it  is  really  written  at  the  close  of  the  whole, 
and  its  subject  is  very  particular. 

We  have  had  a  most  distracting  turbulent  time  for  the 
last  two  months  of  this  year,  occasioned  by  the  Prosecution  and 
Defence  of  a  High  Flying  Clergyman  [Doctor  Sacheverell] 
who  has  undertaken,  in  the  teeth  of  the  very  Parliament,  as 
well  as  of  the  Nation,  to  justify  and  defend  the  exploded 
ridiculous  doctrine  of  Non-Resistance. 

This  Defence  has  been  carried  on  with  all  possible  heat, 
fury,  and  violence  among  the  Party,  and  a  strong  conjunc- 
tion of  Papist,  Jacobite,  and  High-Church  madmen  has 
appeared  in  it,  which  has  made  them  seem  very  formidable 
to  the  World.  Rabbles,  tumults,  plundering  houses,  destroy- 
ing Meeting-houses;  insulting  Gentlemen  in  the  streets,  and 
honest  men  in  their  dwellings,  have  been  the  necessary 
appendices  of  this  Affair. 

And,  after  all,  I  must  own,  though  the  man  has  been 
condemned,  his  Principles  censured,  and  his  Sermon  burnt  ; 
yet  it  has  not  been  without  most  fatal  consequences  over  the 
whole  nation:  as  it  has  revived  the  heats,  feuds,  and  ani- 
mosities which  were  among  us,  and  which,  by  the  blessed 
example  and  exhortation  of  Her  Majesty,  began  to  be  laid 
asleep  in  the  nation. 

I  have  been  endeavouring  to  shew  you  the  mischief  of 
these  tumults,  the  bloody  designs  of  the  persons  that  have 
raised  them,  and  how  they  have  differed  from  all  that  went 
before  them.  I  have  given  you  instances  of  their  most 
villanous  designs,  such  as  rifling  the  Bank,  demolishing  the 
Meeting-houses,  and  murdering  the  [Dissenting]  Ministers  : 
all  which  they  openly  professed  to  be  their  design.  GOD 
deliver  this  Nation  from  the  pernicious  effect  of  the  present 
fermentation,  which  we  are  now  generally  in  on  all  sides ! 

I  have,  however,  faithfully  discharged,  what  I  thought 
myself  obliged  to,  as  a  debt  to  Peace  and  in  duty  to  the 
present  Constitution,  to  speak  plainly  in  these  cases,  whatever 
risk  I  ran,  and  at  whatever  hazard  these  Truths  are  to  be  told. 
I  have  not  been  afraid  "  to  bear  my  testimony  "  as  some 
call  it,  to  the  Liberties  of  Britain,  against  the  reviving 
mischiefs  of  tyranny  :  and  have,  in  the  midst  of  all  your 
mobs  and  rabbles,  openly  declared  Non-Resistance  to  be 
damned  by  Parliament;  and  English  (now  British)  Liberty 


246  The  Building, the  Re-edifier, the  Topstone.  [ 


Defoe. 
1710. 


to  be  built  upon  the  Foundation  of  the  Claim  of  Right,  and 
of  the  Revolution  ;  of  which  the  Protestant  Succession, 
which  sets  by,  the  more  immediate  heirs,  is  the  great  exemplica- 
tion.  The  great  King  William  was  the  Re-edifier  of  the 
Building,  the  collective  Body  of  the  People  were  the  great 
and  happy  Original,  and  the  Union  is  the  Topstone. 

I  am  none  of  those  that  boast  of  their  adventures,  and  love 
to  tell  long  stories  of  the  dangers  they  run.  I  am  not  always 
to  be  frighted  with  threatening  letters  and  shams  of  assassi- 
nations. I  ever  thought  those  people  that  talk  so  much  of 
killing  folks,  never  do  it  1  Though  I  am  none  of  those  you 
call  Fighting  Fellows  :  yet  I  am  none  of  those  that  are 
afraid  to  see  themselves  die  !  and  I  may,  I  hope,  without  being 
taxed  with  vanity,  profess  not  to  practise  Non-Resistance. 

I  have  by  me,  about  fifteen  letters,  from  Gentlemen  of 
more  anger  than  honour,  who  have  faithfully  promised  me 
to  come  and  kill  me  by  such  and  such  a  day  :  nay,  and  some 
have  descended  to  tell  me  the  very  manner.  Yet  not  one  of 
them  has  been  so  good  as  his  word. 

Once  I  had  the  misfortune  to  come  into  a  room,  where 
five  Gentlemen  had  been  killing  me  a  quarter  of  an  hour  in 
their  way  !  and  yet,  to  the  reproach  of  their  villanous  design, 
as  well  as  of  their  courage,  durst  not,  all  together,  own  it  to 
a  poor  naked  [unarmed]  single  man  that  gave  them  oppor- 
tunity enough,  and  whom  they  had  too  much  in  their  power. 
In  short,  I  here  give  my  testimony  from  my  own  experience, 
and  I  note  it  for  the  instruction  of  the  five  assassins  above, 
that  their  Cause  is  villanous  !  and  that  makes  the  Party 
cowardly.  A  man,  that  has  any  honour  in  him,  is  really  put 
to  more  difficulty  how  to  speak,  than  how  to  act !  In  the  case 
of  murders  and  assassinations,  he  is  straitened  between  the 
extremes  of  shewing  too  much  courage,  or  too  much  fear. 

Should  I  tell  the  World  the  repeated  cautions  given  me  by 
friends,  not  to  appear !  not  to  walk  the  streets !  not  to  shew 
myself !  letters  sent  me,  to  bid  me  remember  Sir  Edmund- 
bury  Godfrey,  John  Tutchin,  and  the  like ;  I  must  talk 
myself  up  for  a  mad  man  that  dares  go  abroad  !  Should  I 
let  you  know,  how  I  have  been  three  times  beset,  and  way- 
laid for  the  mischief  designed,  but  that  still  I  live  ;  you  would 
wonder  what  I  mean  ! 

For  my  part,  I  firmly  believe,  the  villains   that  insulted 


D.  Defoe 
1710. 


]  H  iGH-F  LYING,  Tyranny,  Blood.   247 


honest  Sutherland's  house,  robbed  and  frighted  his  wife, 
and  with  naked  swords  bullied  the  poor  woman,  threatening 
that  they  would  murder  her  husband  whenever  they  met 
him  !  knew  well  enough  he  was  not  at  home,  and  never  will 
meet  him  when  he  is. 

Wherefore,  my  brief  resolution  is  this.  I,  while  I  live, 
they  may  be  assured,  I  shall  never  desist  doing  my  duty,  in 
exposing  the  doctrines  that  oppose  GOD  and  the  Revolution  ; 
such  as  Passive  Submission  to  tyrants,  and  Non-Resistance 
in  cases  of  oppression  ;  if  the  gentlemen,  being  at  a  loss  for 
arguments,  are  resolved  to  better  their  cause  by  violence  and 
blood,  I  leave  the  issue  to  GOD's  Providence  !  and  must  do 
as  well  with  them  as  I  can. 

As  to  defence,  I  have  had  some  thoughts  to  stay  at  home 
in  the  night,  and  by  day  to  wear  a  piece  of  armour  on  my 
back.  The  first,  because  I  am  persuaded,  these  murderers 
will  not  do  their  work  by  daylight ;  and  the  second,  because 
I  firmly  believe,  they  will  never  attempt  it  so  fairly,  to  my 
face,  as  to  give  occasion  of  armour  anywhere  else. 

I  confess,  there  may  be  some  reasons  for  me  to  apprehend 
this  Wicked  Party,  and  therefore,  as,  I  thank  GOD  !  I  am 
without  a  disturbing  fear,  so  I  am  not  perfectly  secure,  or 
without  caution.     The  reasons  are  such  as  these  : 

That  truly  assassination  and  murder  is  something  more 
suitable  to  the  High-Flying  Cause,  and  has  been  more  in  use 
among  their  Party,  than  in  other  cases,  and  with  other 
people.  It  is  the  Cause  of  Tyranny,  and  Tyranny  always 
leads  to  Blood !  Oppression  goes  hand-in-hand  with 
Violence  ;  and  he  that  would  invade  my  Liberty,  will  invade 
my  Life,  as  he  has  opportunity  !  And  had  their  rabble  got 
a  little  more  head,  we  might  have  come  again  into  the 
laudable  practice  of  cutting  of  throats,  and  cold  blood 
murders — and  by  the  same  rule,  their  downfall  being  so 
apparent,  this  desperate  cure  may  be  thought  needful  to  their 
desperate  cause. 

But  I  cannot  see,  why  they  should  be  so  exasperated  at 
the  poor  Review,  "  a  sorry  despised  Author,"  to  use  the  words 
of  one  of  their  Party,  whom  nobody  gives  heed  to. 

Well,  Gentlemen,  then  let  your  anger  be  pointed  at  some 
more  significant  animal,  that  is  more  capable  to  wound  you  ! 
And  do  not  own  this  author  to   be   so   considerable  as   to 


248  Defoe's  SHARE  OF  THE  High-Church  Mob.  [^f^^l: 

engage  your  resentment,  lest  you  prove  the  unanswerable 
force  of  what  he  sa3^s,  by  the  concern  you  are  at  to  suppress 
him.  What  will  the  World  say  to  this  way  of  dealing  ? 
You  should  first  answer  the  argument !  that  is  the  best  way 
of  murdering  the  author  !  To  kill  him  first,  is  to  own  you 
could  not  answer  him.  If  your  doctrine  of  Non-Resistance 
will  subsist,  if  it  will  uphold  itself !  You  have  advantage 
enough ;  writing  against  it  will  be  of  no  force !  even  the 
House  of  Commons  must  fall  before  it  !  for  Truth  will 
prevail.  But  if  not,  if  this  Author,  and  all  that  open  their 
mouths  against  it,  were  to  be  sacrificed  by  your  impious 
hands.  Truth  would  never  want  champions  to  defend  it 
against  this  absurd  error.  And  killing  the  Review  would  be 
like  cutting  off  the  monster's  head,  when  a  hundred  rise  up 
in  the  room  of  it. 

Upon  these  accounts,  I  go  on  perfectly  easy,  as  to  the 
present  threats  I  daily  meet  with  from  this  cowardly  and 
abominable  Party.  If  I  am  attacked  by  multitude,  I  must 
fall ;  as  Abner  fell,  before  wicked  men.  If  I  am  fairly  and 
honourably  attacked,  I  hope  I  shall  fairly  resist ;  for  I  shall 
never  practise  the  notion  I  condemn,  and  every  honest  man 
ought  to  go  prepared  for  a  villain. 

This,  though  it  is  irksome  to  me  to  say,  and  no  man  that 
fights  loves  to  talk  of  it ;  yet  I  thought  it  proper  for  me  to 
let  you  all  see,  that  I  have  my  share  of  thio  High-Church 
Mob.  And  that  whatever  may  happen  to  me,  the  World  may 
know  whence  it  comes. 

I  might,  and  ought  indeed  to  speak  a  word  or  two  to  three 
Gentlemen,  besides  those  mentioned  before,  who  have  been 
pleased  personally  to  threaten  my  life — with  abundance  of 
preambles  and  justification  of  themselves  about  it.  What  I 
shall  say  to  them  is,  I  shall  demonstrate  my  being  perfectly 
unconcerned  at  the  matter,  by  refusing  the  advice  given  me, 
even  by  their  own  friends,  of  binding  them  to  the  peace.  It 
seems  a  little  unnatural  to  me,  and  what  I  shall  never 
practise,  to  go  to  law  with  a  man  for  beating  me,  much  less 
for  threatening  me :  and  least  of  all,  when  the  persons  are  such 
harmless  creatures  as  these  !  Wherefore,  all  the  Answer  I 
shall  give  them  is  this,  with  the  utmost  contempt  of  their 
folly,  The  ctir  that  barks  is  not  the  cur  that  bites  ! 

These  things   regard   particular   men,  and    I   know,  the 


D.  Defoe."] 
1 710. J 


I      WILL      GO      ON       IN      MY     DUTY.'        249 


persons  will  understand  me  when  they  read  it.  I  assure 
you,  it  is  in  courtesy  to  them,  that  I  bury  their  folly,  by  con- 
cealing their  names. 

Upon  the  whole,  as  I  am  going  on  in  what  I  esteem  my 
duty,  and  for  the  Public  Good,  I  firmly  believe,  it  will  not 
please  GOD  to  deliver  me  up  to  this  bloody  and  ungodly 
Party ;  and  therefore  I  go  on  freely  in  what  is  before  me,  and 
shall  still  go  on  to  detect  and  expose  a  vicious  Clergy,  and  a 
bigoted  race  of  the  people,  in  order  to  reclaim  and  reform 
them,  or  to  open  the  eyes  of  the  good  People  of  Britain,  that 
they  may  not  be  imposed  upon  by  them  :  and  whether  in  this 
work  I  meet  with  Punishment  or  Praise,  Safety  or  Hazard, 
Life  or  Death,  Te  Dcum  Laudanius. 

Your  humble  servant,         D.  F. 


Preface  to  the   Seventh    Volu7?te  of 

the   Review. 

[1711.] 

Ontrary  to  many  people's  hopes,  and 
some  expectations;  this  Work  has  happily 
arrived  at  the  end  of  the  Seventh  Volume. 
When  Posterity  shall  revise  the  several 
sheets,  and  see  what  Turn  of  Times  have 
happened!  what  Parties!  what  fury!  what 
passions  have  reigned  !  how  the  Author  of 
this  Paper  has  treated  them  all !  and  they, 
him  !  it  may  add  something  to  their  wonder,  how  either  this 
Writing  has  been  supported,  or  the  Author  left  alive  to  shew 
his  face  in  the  world. 

I  have  sometimes  thought  it  hard,  that  while  I  endeavour 
so  manifestly  to  steer  the  Middle  Channel  between  all 
Parties  ;  and  press  either  side  to  pursue,  at  least  preferably 
to  their  private  prospects,  the  Public  Interest:  I  should  be 
maltreated  by  any  I  much  more,  that  I  should  be  so,  by 
both  Sides  I 

But  so  shall  it  fare  with  any  man  that  will  not  run  into 


250  Defoe's  grandfather  kept  a  pack  of  hounds. P'J"'; 

the  same  excess  of  riot  with  any  People.  For  my  part,  I 
have  always  thought  the  only  true  Fundamental  Maxim  of 
Politics  that  will  ever  make  this  nation  happy  is  this,  That 
the  Government  ought  to  be  of  no  Party  at  all.  Would  this 
Ministry  {^Lord  OxroRDs\  or  any  Ministry  that  shall 
succeed  them,  pursue  this  principle  ;  they  would  make  them- 
selves immortal  I  and  without  it,  they  will  be  mere  annuals, 
that  die  with  the  return  of  the  season,  and  must  be  planted 
anew.  Had  the  Ministries  of  the  last  twenty,  nay,  I  may 
say  of  the  last  fifty  years  [1661-1711],  practised  this;  we 
had  had  no  Revolution  !  no  invasions  of  Liberty !  no  abdi- 
cations!  no  turnings  in  and  turnings  out,  at  least  not,  in 
general,  once  in  an  Age. 

Statesmen  are  the  nation's  Guardians.  Their  business  is 
not  to  make  Sides,  divide  the  nation  into  Parties,  and  draw 
the  factions  into  battle  array  against  one  another.  Their 
work  ought  to  be  to  scatter  and  disperse  Parties,  as  they 
would  Tumults  ;  and  to  keep  a  balance  among  the  inter- 
fering Interests  of  the  nation,  with  the  same  care  as  they 
would  the  civil  Peace. 

But  Interest  and  ambition  are  to  a  Court,  what  fevers  are 
to  the  body.  They  give  a  nation  no  rest,  while  Putting  Out 
or  Putting  In  is  the  word.  Faction,  like  the  wind  and  the 
tide,  when  they  run  counter,  will  ever  be  heaving  and  setting, 
now  this  way,  now  that  way :  and  that  people  or  that 
Government  which  are  subjected  to  the  power  of  that 
Motion,  shall  be  sure  to  have  just  as  much  rest  as  the  sea, 
and  no  more! 

This  makes  Government  change  hands.  Favourites  rise 
and  fall.  Favour  shift  sides,  and  Parties  take  their  turns  in 
the  State  as  the  sailors  at  the  helm,  spell  and  spell.  This 
makes  the  Ministry  and  Council,  ay,  and  Parliaments  too ! 
to  be  to-day  of  one  side,  and  to-morrow  of  another!  and 
the  poor  distracted  people  turn  their  tales  and  their  coats, 
and  their  faces,  and  their  religion  so  often,  that  no  man 
knows  his  neighbour  any  longer  than  this  or  that  Party 
which  is  uppermost,  discovers  him. 

Nay,  such  is  the  influence,  or  contagion  rather,  of  this 
mischief,  that  «// things  partake  of  the  Division  of  the  .State. 
It  reaches  even  to  our  eating  and  drinking.  This  is  called 
"loyal,"    that    "fanatic"    liquor;    this   "Protestant,"   that 


D.  Defoe.J    J ^^  POLITICAL  ChANGE  IN  OcTOBER  1  7  lO.     25  1 

"Popish"  cheer;  this  "High  Church"  ale,  that  "Low 
Church "  ale.  And  you  shall  not  meet  with  a  pack  of 
hounds  now,  after  a  hare,  but  you  may  hear  the  huntsmen 
cry,  "Hark,  Tory!"  to  him,  "High  Church"  to  another, 
"Pox  of  that  Whig!  He  is  a  mere  cur!  He  always  cries 
it  false  !     He  '11  ne'er  be  a  staunch  hound  !  " 

I  remember  my  grandfather  had  a  huntsman  that  used 
the  same  familiarity  with  his  dogs  :  and  he  had  his  "  Round 
Head"  and  his  "Cavalier,"  his  "Goring"  and  his  "Waller." 
All  the  Generals  of  both  armies  were  hounds  in  his  pack. 
Till  the  times  turning,  the  old  gentleman  was  fain  to  scatter 
the  pack  ;  and  make  them  up  of  more  dog-like  surnames. 

And  where  shall  we  say  this  will  end  ?  Or  when  shall  we 
have  a  Ministry  with  eyes  in  their  heads?  I  thought  long 
ago,  the  Variety  of  Parties  that  we  have  seen  in  this  nation 
had  exhausted  the  Fund  of  Faction:  but  hell  is  deep,  and 
the  supply  as  bottomless  as  the  Pit  they  flow  from.  And 
as  long  as  faction  feeds  the  flame,  we  shall  never  want 
Billingsgate  to  revile  one  another  with. 

In  such  an  Age  as  this,  has  the  Author  of  this  Paper 
wrote,  for  now  seven  years  together.  He  has  cried  "  Peace ! " 
"  Peace  !  "  ;  but  it  will  not  be,  till  that  great  Voice  that  said 
to  the  ocean  Peace,  be  still  I  shall  speak  to  the  Parties  here, 
with  the  same  commanding  voice.  That  Voice,  to  whom  to 
command  is  to  cause  himself  to  be  obeyed  ;  and  to  say  and 
to  do  are  the  same  thing. 

It  is  in  vain  to  oppose  the  Stream  of  Parties !  when  they 
turn  like  the  first  shot  of  the  ebb,  they  run  sharp,  and  they 
bear  down  all  before  them.  An  instance  of  this,  we  have 
had  in  the  late  elections  [Auluv/n  0/ lyio] ;  the  tumults  and 
riots  of  which  were  indeed  insufferable.  And  how  strange 
is  it  to  look  back  upon  them?  What  was  the  language  of 
the  day?  "A  new  Ministry!"  "A  new  Parliament!" 
"  Down  with  the  Whigs  !  " 

Well,  all  this  was  done  :  but  what  then  ?    "  Down  with  the 

Dissenters!"      "D n  the  Presbyterians!"     "Confound 

the  Low  Church  !  "  "  Make  peace  with  France  !  "  and  so  on, 
even  to  bringing  in  the  Pretender.  And  for  a  man  to  tell 
them  of  Moderate  Measures,  of  Peace,  of  Temper,  and  of 
Toleration,  had  been  to  raise  the  mob  about  one's  ears. 

Often,  this  Paper  took  the  freedom  to  tell  them,  they 


252  The  meeting  of  Parliament.        p- 


Defoe. 
1711. 


would  be  soberer  in  time !  that  when  they  came  to  Parlia- 
ment and  Cabinets,  and  to  handle  the  Management,  they 
would  talk  another  language!  that  Money  was  a  Low 
Churchman  ;  Credit,  born  of  Whig  parents,  and  learned  to 
dance  at  a  Whig  dancing  school  ;  that  Government  was  the 
Firstborn  of  Moderation,  and  took  such  a  fright  at  the  late 
Civil  Wars  [1640- 1660],  that  she  always  fell  into  fits  upon 
the  least  fermentation  of  her  blood.  I  told  them,  they 
would  all  turn  Whigs,  when  they  came  to  act. 

Well,  they  laughed  at  me !  scolded  at  me !  cursed  me ! 
and  both  Sides  used  me  according  to  their  custom  of  treating 
those  that  dare  speak  Truth  to  them. 

Yet  it  was  not  a  month  after  this,  but  the  Parliament 
came  together  [25  Nov.  1710],  and  what  then? 

Why,  then  it  was,  "We  will  maintain  the  peace  and  quiet 
of  the  nation,  by  discouraging  tumults  and  rabbles!  We 
will  support  the  Queen  against  all  her  enemies.  We  will 
carry  on  the  war  against  France !  We  will  pay  the  public 
debts !  We  will  uphold  the  Credit !  and  for  our  fellow 
Christians,  and  fellow  subjects,  the  Dissenters  ;  we  will,  &c." 

"D n  them  all !"  said  a  High  Flyer,  that  looked  for 

other  things,  when  he  read  the  Commons'  Address,  "  is  it  all 
come  to  this?  Why  then,  we  are,  but  where  we  were 
before !  " 

"Why,  where  would  you  be?  "  said  I  again.  "  Did  I  not 
tell  you  this,  before?" 

And  now,  gentlemen,  what  is  the  consequence.  Why  the 
Hot  Men,  that  being  akin  to  old  JEIIU  were  for  driving  the 
Government  off  the  wheels,  found  themselves  out  of  breath  ; 
and  that  Government  which  keeps  its  due  bounds,  had 
made  a  full  stop  at  her  due  place,  Moderation,  and  would 
go  no  further-  immediately,  they  turn  malecontent,  drink 
"October"  for  a  month  \referring  to  the  October  Club], 
tainted  with  mob  fury — And  they  set  up  for  themselves! 

Now,  say  I,  is  a  time  for  the  Ministry,  if  their  eyes  are 
open,  to  fix  themselves  for  ever!  if  they  can  but  find  out 
the  just  Proposition,  and  set  upon  the  exact  Medium  be- 
tween all  these  extremes. 

Indeed  the  Ministry  may  more  properly  say,  just  now, 
that  they  are  of  no  Party  than  ever  they  could,  or  any 
Ministry  before  them  could  do.     For  no  Party  likes  them  : 


^'^jjVi'^  200,000  Half-Sheets  issued  every  week.  253 

yet  no  Party  finds  fault  with  them,  October  excepted  ;  and 
their  complaints  will  increase  the  honour  of  the  Ministry, 
because  the  substance  of  them  is  ridiculous. 

If  they  will  exist,  let  them  stand  fast  between  the  Parties. 
If  they  waver,  and  think  by  embracing  one  Party  to  crush 
the  other,  they  are  gone !  I  would  not  give  two  years' 
purchase  for  their  Commissions\  Ministry  should  be  of  the 
Nation's  Party!  The  Ministry,  the  Government,  is  a  Party 
by  itself;  and  ought  in  matters  of  Parties,  to  be  inde- 
pendent. When  they  cease  to  be  so,  they  set  the  shoe  on 
the  head  !  they  set  the  nation  with  the  bottom  upward  !  and 
must  expect  to  be  mob-ridden  till  they  cease  to  be  a  Party 
at  all,  but  become  slaves  to  the  Party  they  espouse,  and  fall 
under  the  Party  they  oppose.  And  this  is  what  has 
ruined  all  the  Ministries  that  have  been  these  last  twenty 
years  [1691-1711].  "He  that  hath  ears  to  hear,  let  him 
hear! " 

This  Review  has  subsisted  in  the  Administration  of  four 
Ministries,  and  has,  all  along,  endeavoured  to  speak  plain. 
Whether  it  does  so  now  or  not,  I  leave  any  to  judge ! 

I  am  now  to  suppose  it  drawing  towards  a  period,  and 
the  Party  that  have  so  long  regretted  that  old  branch  of 
English  liberty.  Freedom  of  Speech,  please  themselves,  with 
stopping  the  mouths  of  the  Whigs,  by  laying  a  tax  upon 
Public  Papers  \the  Stamp  Act]. 

If  such  a  design  goes  on,  it  will  soon  appear,  whether  it 
be  a  proposal  to  raise  money,  or  a  design  to  crush  and 
suppress  the  Papers  themselves.  If  it  be  the  first,  it  may 
readily  answer  the  end.  There  being  as  I  have  calculated 
it,  above  200,000  single  Papers  published  every  week  in  the 
nation,  a  light  tax  would  raise  a  considerable  sum,  and  yet 
not  check  the  thing.  But  if  it  be  a  design  to  suppress  these 
Papers,  it  will  be  seen  by  their  laying  on  such  a  rate  as  will 
disable  the  printing  of  them. 

For  my  part,  I  am  perfectly  easy.  Whatever  ends  I  may 
be  supposed  to  write  for,  none  will  suggest  I  do  it  for  my 
private  gain  ;  and  I  shall  as  readily  therefore  be  silent  as 
any  man  that  writes.  Though  I  prophesy  this  to  the  Party, 
that  it  will  not  answer  their  end  !  For  the  stopping  of  the 
Press  will  be  the  opening  of  the  Mouth  ;  and  the  diminution 
of  Printing  will  be  the  increase  of  Writing,  in  which  the 


254 


Licensing  of  the  Press. 


["■ 


liberty  is  tenfold,  because  no  authors  can  be  found  out,  or 
punished  if  they  are. 

And  this  made  King  CHARLES  II.  (and  he  understood 
these  things  very  well)  say  that  the  Licenser  of  the  Press 
did  more  harm  than  good  ;  and  that  if  every  one  was  left  to 
print  what  he  would,  there  would  be  less  treason  spread 
about,  and  fewer  Pasquinades, 

And  I  take  upon  me  to  say,  that  let  them  stop  the  Press 
when  they  will !  what  is  wanting  in  pamphlet,  will  be  made 
up  in  lampoon ! 

As  to  this  Work,  let  it  fall  when  it  will !  this  shall  be  said 
of  it  by  friend  and  foe.  It  has  spoken  boldly  and  plainly 
to  them  both  ;  and  so.  it  shall  continue  to  do,  while  it  speaks 
at  all !  And  whether  it  shall  go  on,  or  be  put  down  is  of  so 
equal  a  weight  to  me,  as  to  my  Particular  \private  interests\ 
that  no  man  is  less  concerned  to  inquire  about  it,  than 
myself. 


Preface  to  the  Eighth    Volume   of 

the  Review 

[1712.] 

Have  now  finished  the  8th  Volume  of  this 
Work,  and  as  this  particular  part  has  been 
the  Subject  of  as  much  Clamour  and  Noise 
as  any  of  the  former,  though  on  a  different 
Account,  and  from  different  People ;  I 
cannot  close  it,  without  giving  some  account, 
both  of  it  and  myself. 
From  the  beginning  of  this  Undertaking, 
which  I  have  now  carried  on  almost  Ten  Years,  I  have 
always,  according  to  the  best  of  my  Judgment,  calculated  it 
for  the  Support  and  Defence  of  TRUTH  and  LIBERTY  ; 
I  was  not  so  weak  when  I  began,  as  not  to  expect  Enemies, 
and  that  by  speaking  plain,  both  to  Persons  and  Things,  I 
should  exasperate  many,  against  both  the  Work  and  the 
Author,  and  in  that  Expectation  I  have  not  been  deceived. 


^■^.tiS  Reproaches  from  Friends.  255 

I  confess  I  did  not  expect,  that  if  the  same  Truth 
summoned  me  to  reprove,  or  differ  from  the  Conduct  of 
the  People  I  was  serving,  they  would  treat  me  as  they  do 
for  it :  I  own,  I  thought,  an  uninterrupted  Fidelity,  and 
steady  adhering  to  an  honest  Principle  for  near  40  Years, 
would  have  been  some  Plea  in  my  behalf;  and  if  not  that, 
suffering  the  Shipwreck  of  my  Fortunes,  which  were  at 
that  time  recovering,  and  by  the  Bounty  of  his  late  Majesty, 
in  a  fair  way  of  being  restored,  suffering  all  the  Indigni- 
ties, Penalties  and  Punishments  an  Enraged  Party  could 
inflict  upon  me,  and  above  three  thousand  Pounds  loss  ; 
I  say,  I  thought  this  might  have  lodged  a  little  in  the 
Breasts  of  my  Friends,  and  might  have  allowed  them  at 
least  to  examine,  before  they  condemned  "tie,  whether  they  did 
me  wrong  or  no. 

I  thought,  that  while  I  had  given  such  Proof,  that  I 
could  neither  be  Bribed  from  the  Truth,  or  Threatened,  or 
Terrified  from  my  Principles,  it  might,  at  least,  be  a  Ground 
for  Impartial  Honest  Men  to  Examine,  before  they  censured 
me,  whether  it  was  true  or  no,  that  I  had  been  now  Guilty 
of  both. 

But  I  have  found  all  this  in  vain  ;  and  as  if  forfeiting 
my  Reason  as  well  as  my  Estate,  were  a  Debt  from  me  to 
the  Party  I  espoused,  I  am  now  hunted  with  a  full  cry, 
Acteon  like,  by  my  own  Friends,  I  won't  call  them  Hounds, 
in  spite  of  protested  Innocence;  in  spite  of  want  of  Evi- 
dence; against  the  genuine  Sense  of  what  I  write;  against 
fair  Arguing;  against  all  Modesty  and  Sense;  Condemned 
by  common  Clamour,  as  Writing  for  Money,  Writing  for 
particular  Persons,  W'riting  by  great  Men's  Direction,  being 
dictated  to,  and  the  like  ;  every  title  of  which,  I  have  the 
Testimony  of  my  own  Conscience,  is  abominably  false,  and 
the  Accusers  must  have  the  Accusation  of  their  own  Con- 
sciences, that  they  do  not  know  it  to  be  true. 

I  cannot  say  it  has  not  given  me  a  great  deal  of  disturb- 
ance ;  for  an  Ungrateful  Treatment  of  a  People  that  I  had 
run  all  manner  of  Risk  for,  and  thought  I  could  have  died 
for,  cannot  but  touch  a  less  sensible  Temper,  than  I  think, 
mine  to  be  ;  but  I  thank  God  that  Operation  is  over,  and  I 
endeavour  to  make  other  Uses  of  it,  than  perhaps  the 
People  themselves  think  I  do. 


256  Defoe's  clear  Conscience.  P^xt"'' 

First,  /  look  in,  and  upon  the  narrowest  search  I  can 
make  of  my  own  Thoughts,  Desires,  and  Designs,  I  find  a 
clear  untainted  Principle,  and  consequently  an  entire  calm 
of  Conscience,  founded  upon  the  satisfying  Sense  that  I 
neither  am  touched  with  Bribes,  guided  or  influenced  by 
Fear,  Favour,  Hope,  Dependence  or  Reward,  of,  upon,  or 
from  any  Person,  or  Party  under  Heaven  ;  and  that  I  have 
written  and  do  write  nothing,  but  what  is  my  Native, 
Free,  Undirected  Opinion  and  Judgment,  and  what  was  so 
many  Years  ago,  as  I  think  I  made  unanswerably  appear 
by  the  very  last  Review  of  this  Volume,  where  I  quoted  the 
very  same  Thing  which  I  write  now,  and  which  was  Printed 
in  the  ^th  Volume  of  this  Work,  No.  155,  in  the  Year 
1709. 

Next,  /  look  up,  and  not  Examining  into  His  Ways,  the 
Sovereignty  of  whose  Providence  I  adore :  I  submit  with 
an  entire  Resignation  to  whatever  happens  to  me,  as  being 
by  the  immediate  Direction  of  that  Goodness,  and  for  such 
wise  and  glorious  Ends,  as  however  I  may  not  yet 
see  through,  will,  at  last  issue  in  good,  even  to  me;  fully 
depending,  that  I  shall  yet  be  delivered  from  the  Power 
of  Slander  and  Reproach,  and  the  Sincerity  of  my  Conduct 
be  yet  cleared  up  to  the  World  ;  and  if  not,  Te  Deum 
Laudamus. 

In  the  third  place,  /  look  back,  on  the  People  who  treat 
me  thus,  who  notwithstanding,  under  the  Power  of  their 
Prejudices,  they  fly  upon  me,  with  a  Fury  that  I  think 
unchristian  and  unjust,  yet  as  I  doubt  not,  the  Day  will 
still  come,  when  they  will  be  again  undeceived  in  me ;  I 
am  far  from  studying  their  Injury,  or  doing  myself  Justice 
at  their  Expence,  which  I  could  do  with  great  Advantage : 
It  is  impossible  for  the  Dissenters  in  this  Nation  to  provoke 
me  to  be  an  Enemy  to  their  Interest ;  should  they  fire  my 
House,  sacrifice  my  Family,  and  assassinate  my  Life,  I 
would  ever  requite  them  with  defending  their  Cause,  and 
standing  to  the  last  against  all  those  that  should  endeavour 
to  weaken  or  reproach  it.  But  this  is,  as  I  think  it,  a  just 
and  righteous  Cause,  founded  upon  the  great  Principle  of 
Truth  and  Liberty,  which  I  am  well  assured  I  shall  never 
abandon,  and  not  that  I  am  insensible  of  being  ill  Treated 
by  them,  or  that  I  make  any  court  to  their  Person. 


^'^il°l\]  Misrepresentation  of  Aims.  257 

When  any  Party  of  Men  have  a  clear  View  of  their  own 
Case,  or  a  right  knowledge  of  their  own  Interest,  he  that 
will  serve  them,  and  knows  the  Way  to  do  it,  must  be 
certain  not  to  please  them,  and  must  be  able  to  see  them  revile 
and  reproach  him,  and  use  him  in  the  worst  manner  imagin- 
able, and  not  be  moved,  either  to  return  them  ill,  or  refrain 
doing  them  good  ;  and  this  is  the  true  meaning  of  that 
Command,  which  I  thank  God,  I  cheerfully  obey,  viz.,  To 
pray  for  them  that  despitefully  use  me. 

I  have  not  so  ill  an  Opinion  of  myself,  as  not  to  think  I 
merit  better  Usage  from  the  Dissenters  ;  and  I  have  not  so 
ill  an  Opinion  of  the  Dissenters,  as  not  to  think  they  will, 
some  time  or  other,  know  their  Friends  from  their  Enemies 
better  than  they  do  now  ;  nor  have  I  so  far  forgot  my  Friends, 
as  not  to  own  a  great  many  of  them  do  already.  I  re- 
member the  Time  when  the  same  People  treated  me  in  the 
same  manner,  upon  the  Book  called  The  Shortest  Way, 
etc.,  and  nothing  but  suffering  for  them  would  ever  open 
their  Eyes ;  He  that  cleared  up  my  integrity  then,  can 
do  it  again  by  the  same  Method,  and  I  leave  it  to  Him  ; 
Ad  te  qiiacumque  vocas  is  my  Rule  ;  my  Study  and  Practice 
is  Patience  and  Resignation,  and  in  this  I  triumph  over  all 
the  Indignity,  Reproach,  Slander  and  Railery  in  the 
World ;  in  this  I  enjoy  in  the  midst  of  a  Million  of 
Enemies  a  perfect  Peace  and  Tranquility,  and  when 
they  misconstruct  my  Words,  pervert  the  best  Meaning, 
turn  every  Thing  which  I  say,  their  own  Way  ;  it  gives  me 
no  other  contemplation  than  this,  "  How  vain  is  the  Opinion 
of  Men,  either  when  they  judge  well  or  ill !  " 

This  makes  me  go  on  steadily,  and  regard  no  Clamour: 
When  I  write  against  a  War  with  the  Dutch,  they  rail  and 
exclaim  at  me,  and  say,  I  write  for  a  War  with  the  Dutch  ; 
when  I  write  against  erecting  an  Austrian  Tyrant  in 
room  of  a  French,  they  tell  me  I  write  for  the  French  ; 
when  I  write  for  putting  an  End  to  the  War,  they  tell  me 
I  write  for  a  French  Peace,  and  the  like. 

I  have  made  such  Protestations  of  my  receiving  no 
Reward  or  Direction  whatever,  in  or  for  this  Work,  as 
none  but  those  who  are  used  to  prevaricate  themselves, 
can,  upon  any  Foundation  that  is  consistent  with 
Christianity,  suspect,  and  the  Circumstances  I  labour  under 

R  3 


258  Courage  of  one's  opinions.  l^'^fj°l: 

in  the  World,  are  a  Corroborating  Evidence  of  the  Truth 
of  it ;  yet  without  Ground,  without  Evidence,  without  any 
Testimony,  but  general  Notion,  they  will  have  it  be  other- 
wise ;  two  of  their  Authors  have  the  Impudence  to  assert 
it,  dut  not  one  step  have  they  taken  to  prove  it,  nor  can  they 
do  it,  though  both  openly  challenged  to  do  it,  and  a 
Hundred  Guineas  offered  upon  the  Proof  of  it ;  thus  they 
give  the  Lie  and  the  Rascal  to  themselves  without  my  help, 
who  quietly  let  them  go  on  their  own  Way. 

My  Measures  are  to  the  best  of  my  Judgment  steady: 
What  I  approve  I  defend,  what  I  dislike  I  censure,  without 
any  Respect  of  Persons,  only  endeavouring  to  give  my 
Reasons  and  to  make  it  appear,  that  I  approve  and  dislike 
upon  good  and  sufficient  Grounds;  which  being  first  well 
assured  of,  the  Time  is  yet  to  come,  that  I  ever  refrained  to 
speak  my  Mind  for  fear  of  the  Face  of  Man  :  If  what  I 
have  said  were  false,  my  Enemies  would  certainly  choose 
to  answer  rather  than  to  rail  :  But  as  I  have  Unanswerable 
Truth  on  my  side,  they  choose  to  rail  rather  than  to 
answer. 

I  have  lived  too  long,  and  seen  too  much,  not  to  know 
that  all  these  violent  Party  Feuds  are  of  short  Duration, 
and  we  see  the  very  Men  I  now  speak  of,  approve  to- 
day what  they  were  loudest  against  but  yesterday.  In 
the  beginning  of  the  late  Changes,  we  saw  those  Gentle- 
men threatening  the  public  credit  ;  and  one  and  all,  they 
resolved  to  lend  no  Money  to  the  Government ;  had  they 
held  there,  they  might  indeed  have  distressed  the  New 
Managers  in  their  beginning;  but  no  sooner  was  a  Fund 
raised  with  a  little  trifling  Advantage,  but  how  were  they 
ready  to  tread  one  another  to  Death  to  get  in  their  Money! 
This  was  a  convincing  testimony  of  two  things,  which, 
were  they  rightly  considered,  might  be  improved  very 
much  to  the  advantage  of  the  honest  People  themselves, 
and  as  their  Enemies  do  consider  them,  they  are  at  present 
a  means  to  represent  their  Figure  in  the  Nation  too  much 
to  their  disadvantage,  viz. :  (i)  That  the  Whigs  act  upon  no 
Foundation  of  concert  with,  or  confidence  in  one  another, 
in  any  thing  they  do,  and  that  the  Remains  of  a  public 
Spirit,  which  their  Ancestors  were  guided  by,  are  sunk  so 
low,  as  to  be  entirely  governed  by  their  private  Advan- 


D.  Defoe 
1712 


;]        Occasional  Conformity  Bill.  259 


tage ;  (2)  That  the  Moneyed  Men  among  them,  upon  whom 
the  public  Credit  has  so  much  seemed  to  depend,  are  in  as 
much  want  of  the  Funds,  as  the  Funds  are  of  the  Moneyed 
Men,  of  both  which,  I  say  no  more  here,  because  I  shall 
have  Room  to  speak  at  large  of  'em  hereafter :  To  return 
to  the  unsteadiness  of  the  Temper  now  reigning  among  us, 
I  mean  among  the  honest  and  well-meaning  but  Hot 
People,  among  the  Whigs :  I  farther  have  observed,  that 
not  long  since,  we  saw  many  of  them  railing  at  a  Soiith- 
Sea  Trade,  cursing  and  wishing  Confusion  (at  a  most 
unchristian  Rate)  to  the  Contrivers  of  it,  nay,  and  some 
more  furious,  cursing  themselves  if  ever  they  came  into  it ; 
bantering  and  ridiculing  it,  and  drinking  a  Health  to  it  in 
a  Cup  of  Whipped  Froth,  as  a  suitable  Emblem  of  its 
Invalidity.  And  yet  a  little  Patience,  a  little  waiting,  and 
letting  them  alone  a  little,  has  so  changed  the  Humour,  that 
all  the  Clamour  is  sunk,  and  we  find  the  very  same  Men  are 
at  this  Day  the  only  Men  that  buy  up  the  South-Sea 
Stock.  We  found  them  the  same  about  the  Article  of 
Dunkirk ;  they  begin  to  like  it  already,  and  think  it  very 
well  that  we  have  it  in  our  Hands  ;  thus  like  crammed 
Fowls,  they  must  be  made  Fat  against  their  Stomachs,  but 
they  are  pleased  with  the  Flesh  when  they  feel  it  upon  their 
Bones. 

It  is  my  disinterested  study  to  serve  them,  but  I  confess 
'tis  not  so  to  please  them  ;  I  shall  never  leave  off  to  wish 
well  to  their  Interest,  and  can  I  but  serve  it  they  shall  have 
leave  to  throw  Stones  at  me  as  long  as  I  live  ;  but  this  does 
by  no  means  hinder,  but  that  I  may,  and  ever  shall,  as  the 
best  mark  of  my  Zeal  for  their  Interest,  tell  them  plainly 
their  Mistakes. 

This  passion  I  have  for  their  Interest,  fills  me  with 
Resentment  at  the  Barbarity  of  the  Treatment  which  the 
Dissenters  have  received  in  the  Affair  of  the  Occasional 
Bill,  and  that  from  a  People  they  had  deserved  other 
Usage  from,  and  in  this,  as  I  said  before,  I  do  them  but 
Justice:  That  they  themselves  are  so  easy  under  it,  as  not 
only  to  make  no  Complaint,  but  even  to  say  it  has  done  them 
no  harm,  is  an  Evidence  of  their  unconquerable  Passion 
to  a  particular  View,  which  I  believe  they  will  always  be 
disappointed   in,  since   it  is   evident   this   has  ruined  the 


26o     Dissenters  and  Political  Parties.      [ 


D.  Defoe. 

71?. 


interest  of  the  Whigs  in  almost  all  the  Corporations  in 
England,  and  put  them  into  such  a  Posture,  as  never  but 
by  Miracle  to  recover  it. 

I  pity  the  Delusion  of  those,  who  entertain  a  Notion, 
that  if  ever  the  Lovv-Church-Men  come  to  the  Administra- 
tion, they  will  restore  the  Dissenters ;  I  grant  it  would  be 
both  Just  and  Generous  so  to  do,  but  if  they  will  first  shew 
me  one  Low-Church-Man  in  the  Nation  of  any  Figure^ 
that  however  he  may  exclaim  at  the  Method  does  not 
appear  secretly  satisfied  that  it  is  done,  then  I  '11  join  in 
expecting  it ;  but  I  shall  farther  shew  them  the  Vanity 
of  these  Hopes,  in  the  Consequence  of  my  other  Discourses 
upon  this  Head. 

We  need  not  wonder  at  the  other  Mistakes  we  see  some 
People  run  into,  when  they  are  so  intent  upon  the  Party 
Interest  they  push  at,  that  they  are  contented  to  be  the 
Sacrifice  offered  up  for  the  Purchase  of  Human  help  to 
carry  it  on  ;  in  all  which  unchristian  course,  we  have  seen 
them  effectually  disappointed,  and  I  must  own,  till  I  see 
another  Spirit  among  them,  I  do  not  look  for  their 
Deliverance. 

Their  Eyes  are  now  wholly  bent  upon  the  War  abroad  ; 
the  considerations  that  it  may  be  hazardous  to  the  Pro- 
testant Succession,  threatening  of  embroiling  us  with  the 
Dutch,  destructive  of  our  General  Safety,  and  many  Ways 
fatal  to  our  Peace  at  Home,  weigh  not  with  them  ;  the 
growing  Interest  of  the  Pretender  at  home,  the  Insolence 
and  Encrease  of  Jacobitism  among  us,  seem  to  be  quite 
left  out  of  their  Thoughts  ;  I  shall  say  no  more  to  them 
but  this,  that,  I  think,  if  God  should  give  them  Deliverance 
their  own  Way,  they  would  be  undone ;  and  I  pray  that 
a  Spirit  fit  for  Deliverance  may  be  given  them,  and  then 
their  Eyes  will  be  opened  to  that  Way  that  shall  be  best 
for  us  all. 

To  return  to  my  own  case,  I  am  a  Stoic  in  whatever 
may  be  the  Event  of  Things  ;  I  '11  do  and  say  what  I  think 
is  a  Debt  to  Justice  and  Truth  to  do  and  say,  without  the 
least  regard  to  Clamour  and  Reproach  ;  and  as  I  am  utterly 
unconcerned  at  Human  Opinion,  the  People  that  throw 
away  their  Breath  so  freely  in  censuring  me,  may  consider 
of  some  better  Improvement  to  make  of  their  Passions,  than 


^■^xlil]  Defoe's  Life  of  Wonders.  261 

to  waste  them  on  a  Man,  that  is  both  above  and  below  the 
reach  of  them. 

I  know  too  much  of  the  World  to  expect  good  in  it ;  and 
I  have  learnt  to  value  it  too  little,  to  be  concerned  at  the 
Evil ;  I  have  gone  through  a  Life  of  Wonders,  and  am  the 
Subject  of  a  vast  Variety  of  Providences :  I  have  been  fed 
more  by  Miracle  than  Elijah,  when  the  Ravens  were  his 
Purveyors ;  I  have  some  time  ago  summed  up  the  Scenes 
of  my  Life  in  this  Distich. 

No  Man  has  tasted  differing  Fortunes  more 
And  Thirteen  Times  I  have  been  Rich  and  Poor. 

In  the  School  of  Affliction  I  have  learnt  more  Philosophy 
than  at  the  Academy,  and  more  Divinity  than  from  the 
Pulpit:  In  Prison  I  have  learnt  to  know  that  Liberty 
does  not  consist  in  open  Doors,  and  the  free  Egress  and 
Regress  of  Locomotion.  I  have  seen  the  rough  side  of  the 
World  as  well  as  the  smooth,  and  have  in  less  than  half  a 
Year  tasted  the  difference  between  the  Closet  of  a  King, 
and  the  Dungeon  of  Newgate. 

I  have  suffered  deeply  for  cleaving  to  Principle ;  of 
which  Integrity  I  have  lived  to  say.  None  but  those  I 
suffered  for,  ever  reproached  me  with  it :  The  immediate 
Causes  of  my  Suffering  have  been  by  being  betrayed  by 
those  I  have  trusted,  and  scorning  to  betray  those  that 
trusted  me.  To  the  Honour  of  English  Gratitude  I  have 
this  remarkable  Truth  to  leave  behind  me,  That  I  was  never 
so  basely  betrayed,  as  by  those  whose  Families  I  had 
preserved  from  starving  ;  nor  so  basely  treated  as  by  those 
I  starved  my  own  Family  to  preserve.  The  same  Chequer- 
Work  of  Fortunes  attends  me  still ;  the  People  I  have 
served,  and  love  to  serve,  cut  my  throat  every  day,  because 
I  will  not  cut  the  throat  of  those  that  have  served  and 
assisted  me.  Ingratitude  has  always  been  my  Aversion, 
and  perhaps  for  that  Reason  it  is  my  Exercise. 

And  now  I  live  under  universal  Contempt,  which  Con- 
tempt I  have  learnt  to  contemn,  and  have  an  uninterrupted 
Joy  in  my  Soul,  not  at  my  being  contemned,  but  that  no 
Crime  can  be  laid  to  my  Charge,  to  make  that  Contempt 
my  Due. 

Fame,  a  lying  Jade,  would  talk  me  up  for  I  know  not 


262     Resignation  to  the  will  of  Heaven.    [ 


D.  Defoe. 
171a. 


what  of  Courage ;  and  they  call  me  a  fighting  Fellow ;  I 
despise  the  Flattery,  I  profess  to  know  nothing  of  it,  farther 
than  Truth  makes  any  Man  bold  ;  and  I  acknowledge,  that 
give  me  but  a  bad  Cause  and  I  am  th  e  greatest  Coward  in 
the  World ;  Truth  inspires  Nature,  and  as  in  defence  of 
Truth  no  honest  Man  can  be  a  Coward,  so  no  Man  of 
Sence  can  be  bold  when  he  is  in  the  wrong :  He  that  is 
Honest  must  be  Brave,  and  it  is  my  opinion  that  a  coward 
cannot  be  an  Honest  Man.  In  defence  of  Truth,  I  THINK 
(pardon  me  that  I  dare  go  no  further,  for  who  knows 
himself?)  I  say,  I  think  I  could  dare  to  Die,  but  a  Child 
may  beat  me  if  I  am  in  the  wrong.  Guilt  gives  trembling 
to  the  Hands,  blushes  to  the  Face,  and  fills  the  Heart  with 
Amazement  and  Terror  :  I  question  whether  there  is  much, 
if  any,  difference  from  Bravery  and  Cowardice,  but  what 
is  founded  in  the  Principle  they  are  engaged  for ;  and  I  no 
more  believe  any  Man  is  born  a  Coward,  than  that  he  is 
born  a  Knave — Truth  makes  a  Man  of  Courage,  and  Guilt 
makes  that  Man  of  Courage  a  Coward. 

Early  Disasters  and  frequent  turns  of  my  Affairs,  as 
above,  have  left  me  incumbered  with  an  insupportable  weight 
of  Debt ;  and  the  remarkable  Compassion  of  some  Creditors, 
after  continued  Offers  of  stripping  myself  naked,  by  entire 
surrenders  upon  Oath,  have  never  given  me  more  Trouble 
than  they  were  able,  or  less  than  they  knew  how  ;  by  which 
means  most  of  the  Debts  I  have  discharged  have  cost  me 
40s.  in  the  Pound  to  pay,  and  the  Creditor  half  as  much  to 
recover. 

I  have  a  large  Family,  a  Wife  and  six  Children,  who 
never  want  what  they  should  enjoy,  or  spend  what  they 
ought  to  save. 

Under  all  these  Circumstances,  and  many  more  too  long 
to  write,  my  only  Happiness  is  this  ;  I  have  always  been 
kept  cheerful,  easy,  and  quiet;  enjoying  a  perfect  calm  of 
Mind,  clearness  of  Thought,  and  Satisfaction  not  to  be 
broken  in  upon,  by  whatever  may  happen  to  me  :  If  any 
Man  ask  me  how  I  arrived  to  it,  I  answer  him  in  short,  'By 
a  constant  serious  Application  to  the  great,  solemn  and 
weighty  Work  of  Resignation  to  the  Will  of  Heaven  ; '  by 
which,  let  no  Man  think  I  presume ;  I  have  endeavoured, 
and   am   in   a   great   measure   able   to   say  feelingly   and 


D.Defoe.l  J^    CaLMS    AND    PeACE.  263 

effectually  the  following  Lines,  which  I  recommend  to  the 
World,  not  only  as  the  Fruit  of  my  own  experience  but  tor 
the  Practice  of  all  such  as  know  how  to  value  it,  and  thmk 
they  need  it. 


HAPPY,  because  confirmed  above, 
And  to  Heaven's  dispose  resigned  ; 
I  by  his  Rule,  direct  my  Steps, 
And  on  him  stay  my  Mind. 

Upon  his  various  Providence 
With  Satisfaction  rest, 
I  unexalted  can  enjoy, 
And  suffer  Undepressed. 

Boldly  I  steer  through  storms  of  Life 
And  Ship-wreck  of  Estate, 
Without  Inheritance  I  'm  rich, 
And  without  Honours  Great. 

When  the  world  trembles,  I  'm  unmoved, 
When  cloudy,  I  'm  serene  : 
When  Darkness  covers  all  without, 
I  'm  always  bright  within. 

In  Labour  I  enjoy  my  Rest, 

In  weighty  Sorrows,  Ease  ! 

When  Pride  and  Parties  rage  with  Strife, 

I  'm  all  in  Calms  and  Peace. 

In  Scarcity,  I  fear  no  want ; 
In  Plenty,  guard  my  Mind  ; 
In  Prison,  I  'm  at  Liberty, 
In  Liberty  confined. 

With  steady  Foot,  and  even  Pace, 
I  tread  the  Milky  Way  ; 
I  've  Youth  without  it's  Levity, 
And  Age  without  decay. 


264  The  Cause,  not  the  Men.  |^t).  Defoe 


1712. 


I  scorn  the  Terrors  of  the  World, 
And  equally  her  Charms  ; 
If  those  affright,  or  these  allure, 
I  shake  her  from  my  Arms. 

Often  I  've  been  by  Power  oppressed, 
And  with  deep  Sorrow  tried  ; 
By  the  same  Power  I  've  been  caressed, 
And  I  have  both  defied. 

By  my  Eternal  Guide  kept  safe. 
Through  both  Extremes  I  steer, 
These  could  not  bribe  my  Principles, 
Or  those  excite  my  fear. 

The  Patriots  of  the  cause  I  serve, 
Those  Services  contemn  ; 
Yet  move  me  not,  because  I  serve 
The  Cause,  and  not  the  Men. 

Under  their  Universal  Scorn 

I  'm  cool,  and  unsurprised  ; 

Most  Humble  when  I  'm  most  caressed, 

And  Cheerful  when  despised. 

The  secret  Hand  to  which  I  look, 
Has  always  kept  me  true  ; 
Patience  for  every  Trial  I  've  had. 
And  Trial  for  Patience  too. 

Though  Envy  grins,  and  Slander  barks. 
And  Clamouring  Monsters  rail ; 
They  neither  can  my  Passions  move, 
Or  on  my  Smiles  prevail. 

My  Temper  forms  the  Good,  or  111, 
Of  every  different  State  ; 
I  taste  the  Gall  without  the  Grief, 
Without  the  Snare,  the  Sweet. 


D.  Defoe  T  ftlE    HoNEST    PaRT.  265 

17I2-J 

To  keep  my  Passions  regular 
I  've  full  Command  within  ; 
I  'm  pleased  without  Impertinence 
And  Angry  without  Sin. 

Thoughtful  without  Anxiety 
And  grieved  without  Despair, 
Cheerful  but  without  Levity, 
And  cautious  without  fear. 

I  'd  Gravity  before  Grey  Hairs, 
And  now  I  'm  old  I  'm  gay  ; 
Patient  in  Life,  and  hope  I  shall 
Without  Reluctance  DIE. 

When  fierce  Afflictions  charge  me  home, 

I  see  the  Secret  Hand  ; 

I  cease  to  pore  on  Instruments 

But  always  view  their  End. 

If  Prosperous  Things  are  made  my  Lot 
And  the  World  speaks  me  fair, 
I  'm  always  jealous  of  the  Joy, 
And  guard  against  the  Snare. 

Ambition,  Malice,  Rage  and  Hate, 
Are  Strangers  to  my  Soul ; 
But  Peace  and  Joy  possess  the  Parts, 
And  Charity  the  Whole. 

I  cannot  Envy  when  I  'm  low, 
Nor  when  I  'm  high  can  fear  ; 
In  Wealth  I  can  no  more  be  proud 
Than  when  I  'm  Poor  despair. 

The  HONEST  PART  I  fain  would  act 
As  Heaven  shall  Means  restore  ; 
Till  then  I  nurse  the  Principle, 
And  Heaven  expects  no  more. 


266  The  Happiness  of  Resignation.       [°- 

If  Rich,  my  Temper  suits  my  State 
If  Mean,  my  Frame  supplies  : 
And  I  'm  more  thankful  when  I  fall 
Than  others  when  they  rise. 

I  freely  shun  Opinion-Fame, 
Which  Gusts  of  Parties  raise  ; 
I  seek  the  Merit,  not  the  Name, 
The  Vertue,  not  the  Praise. 

From  my  Low  Station  I  look  up 
Pity  great  Men  of  Crime  ; 
I  neither  over-rate  their  Rage 
Or  Value  their  Esteem. 

My  full  dependence  is  above, 
I  own  and  eye  HIS  Power ; 
I  know  I  must  account  to  Him, 
And  wait  with  Joy  the  Hour. 

In  vain  we  talk  of  Happiness, 

In  any  State  below  ; 

There  is  no  calm  on  Earth,  but  what 

Must  from  this  Fountain  flow. 

Resigned  to  Heaven,  we  may  with  Joy, 

To  any  State  submit ; 

And  in  the  world  of  Miseries, 

Have  Happiness  complete. 

D.  F. 


Defoe. 
1712. 


Daniel     Defoe. 


Papers  from  the  Review. 


268 


The  Prototype  and  Plan   of  the  Review. 

[Supplementary  Journal  to  the  Advice  frotn  i/ul 
Scandal  Club  for  the  month  of  September,  1704.  J 

|T  HAS  been  objected  to  the  Author,  that  this 

design  is  not  new,  and  is  only  a  Mimic  of 

jj   Harry  Care,  in  his  Weekly  Packet  of  Advice 

from  Rome,  with  the  [Popish]  Courant  at  the 

end  of  every  Paper. 

Such  gentlemen  do  not  tell  us,  whether  that 
Work  was  valuable  or  not.     They  neither  give 
their  judgement  on   the  design,  nor  on   the 
performance. 

If  that  was  a  useful  Work,  well  designed,  and  more  happily 
performed  than  this  Author  will  pretend  to:  then  these 
gentlemen  say  nothing  to  our  Author's  disparagement,  since 
all  the  Wit  of  Mankind  seems  now  to  be  composed  but  of 
Imitations,  and  there  "is  nothing  new  under  the  sun." 

If  they  think  that  work  mean,  and  the  performance  dull 
(which  the  present  scarcity  and  value  of  those  Collections 
[i.e.,  sets  of  the  Weekly  Packet]  plainly  contradict)  ;  it  re- 
mains for  those  gentlemen  to  tell  us  where  the  meannesses 
are  ?   and  where  the  dulness  of  that  Author  appears  ? 

It  is  true,  he  had  his  imperfections  :  and  the  fury  of  the 
Times,  the  poverty  of  circumstances,  and  the  unhappy  love 
of  his  bottle,  reduced  him  too  low,  for  a  man  of  his  capacity. 
But  as  in  all  parts  of  his  design,  and  the  length  of  his  happy 
performance ;  he  discovered  such  a  spirit,  such  learning, 
such  strength  of  reason,  and  such  a  sublime  fancy;  as  in 
which  the  Author  of  this  cannot  esteem  himself  worthy  to 
carry  his  books  after  him  :  so  he  shall  always  value  this 
Undertaking  so  much  the  more  as  it  resembles  his ;  and 
wishes,  for  the  sake  of  the  reader  as  well  as  himself,  he  could 
come  near  him  in  the  performance. 

Some,  we  know,  have  no  relish  for  History,  and  value 
therefore  only  the  Entertaining  Part  of  the  Review  :  and  by 
such,  we  have  been  often  solicited  to  leave  off  troubling  our- 
selves with  the  grave  puzzling  part  of  the  Paper,  telling  a 
long  story  of  the  Swedes,  Hungarians,  and  the  Lord  knows 
what !  and  bring  our   Paper  to  all   mirth,  pleasantry,  and 


s?p °ito4.]  W^^Y  THE  Scandalous  Club  was  founded.  269 

delight.     And  they  promise  to  furnish  us  with  matter  enough. 

Others,  and  as  many  in  number  as  the  former,  frequently 
press  us  "to  leave  off  jesting  and  bantering,"  as  they  call 
it ;  and  to  pursue  the  vast  work  which  the  title  leads  to,  and 
which  the  first  sheets  promised,  viz.,  A  Review  of  the  Affairs 
of  France.  A  subject,  say  they,  truly  fruitful,  of  a  vast 
variety,  and  suited  to  an  undertaking  of  the  greatest 
magnitude  :  and  it  is  a  pity  it  should  be  clogged  with  the 
impertinence  and  nonsense  of  the  Scandalous  Club. 

And  thus  we  are  brought  before  our  own  Society  both  ways. 

Now,  gentlemen,  as  this  design  was  not  at  first  undertaken 
without  a  full  prospect  of  all  this  variety  of  judgements  and 
censures  :  so  in  all  this,  there  seems  nothing  material  enough 
to  turn  the  Author  from  pursuing  his  first  design — which  is, 
the  middle  between  those  two  extremities. 

It  is  true,  the  History  of  the  Affairs  of  France,  in  all  the 
vast  and  unobserved  parts  of  its  growth  and  increase,  is  the 
main  and  original  thought :  and,  if  the  Author  lives  to  carry 
it  on,  it  shall  be  brought,  in  its  due  time,  to  the  full  period, 
where  Providence  shall  place  it,  at  the  very  end  of  this  Work. 

But  as  all  men  are  not  Historians,  and  even  many  of  those 
that  are  care  but  for  a  little  reading  at  a  time  ;  this  design 
was  laid  to  bring  such  people  to  read  the  Story  ;  which,  if  it 
had  been  always  serious,  and  had  proceeded  too  fast,  had 
been  too  voluminous,  too  tedious,  either  for  their  leisure  or 
inclination.  And  thus  we  wheedle  them  in  (if  it  may  be 
allowed  that  expression)  to  the  Knowledge  of  the  World  ;  who, 
rather  than  take  more  pains,  would  be  content  with  their 
ignorance,  and  search  into  nothing. 

To  carry  on  this  honest  cheat,  and  bring  people  to  read 
with  delight ;  the  latter  part  of  this  Paper  was  contrived  : 
every  jot  as  useful  in  its  kind  ;  and,  if  we  may  be  allowed  to 
judge,  by  common  acceptation,  as  pleasing. 

It  cannot  but  be  pleasing  to  the  Author,  to  find  both  parts 
of  his  design  so  well  approved.  And  therefore  to  those,  who 
are  not  equally  pleased  with  both  ;  he  says,  "  He  desires  those 
who  like  but  one  Part,  to  bear  with  the  other  ;  for  the  sake 
of  those  whose  judgements  approve  of  what  they  do  not  1  " 
Those  that  like  both  Parts,  need  nothing  farther  to  be  said 
to  them,  than  that  "  He  is  glad,  he  is  able  to  please  them  !  " 
And  those  who  like  neither  Part,  are  welcome  to  let  it  alone. 


270 


D  E FOE'S  intention   to  stop  the  Review 

with  No,  1 00  ;   and  how  it  came  to 

he  continued, 

[Revieiv,  No.  98,  Vol.  I./.  408.     S.iturday,  10  February,  1705.] 

He  Author  of  the  Review  having  received  a  letter, 
signed  F.  L.  containing  Proposals  for  continuing 
t^^  this  Work,  but  hearing  no  more  of  it,  supposed 
it  a  banter.  But  having  since  received  a  letter, 
signed  L.  A. ;  several  others  signed  G.  M.,  0.  K., 
and  T.  W.,  containing  very  kind  and  honourable  Offers  for 
the  encouragement  of  the  Work  :  he  thinks  himself  obliged 
to  the  Gentlemen,  whether  it  comes  to  anything  or  not;  and 
gives  them  for  answer : 

He  has,  gratis,  without  reward,  profit,  or  promise  of 
any  advantage,  freely  written  this  Paper  a  whole  year. 
His  encouragement  has  been,  to  see  wise  men  approve 
it,  and  accept  it.     But  as  neither  can  his  affairs  permit 
him  to  spare  so  much  time  as  is  now  required,  more 
than  at  first ;  nor  can  the  sale  of  so  small   a  Paper 
make  the  Publisher  able  to  allow  [i.e.,  to  him]  what  may 
be  encouraging  and  suitable  to  the  trouble :  he  therefore 
concluded  to  lay  it  down. 
But  if  those  Gentlemen  (who  are  pleased  so  much  to  value 
his  performance  above  its  merit,  as   to   press   him   to   the 
continuing  it,  and  have  made  these  Offers)  are  in  earnest, 
and  will  either  send  him  their  designed   Proposal  to  Mr. 
Matthews  [the  Publisher],  ov  give  him  a  meeting:  he  pro- 
fesses himself  willing  to  oblige  them  :  and  will  convince  them, 
that  he  is  far  from  being  selfish  or  unreasonable  ;  and  humbly 
desires  their  answer  before  the  end  of  next  week. 


[Review,  No.  loo,  Vol.  I.  p.  413.     Saturday  17  February,  1705.] 

This  being  the  last  Review  of  this  Volume,  and  designed 
to  be  so,  of  this  Work;  the  Author  cannot  close  it  without 


Feb?i7os.]  The  Review  written  for  nothing.    271 

paying  the  just  debt  of  duty  and  acknowledgement  to  those 
Gentlemen,  who,  beyond  his  merit  and  expectation,  have 
been  pleased  to  receive  it  with  the  same  candour  and  on  the 
same  foot[ing]  on  which  it  was  originally  designed,  Public 
Usefulness,  Entertainment,  and  Instruction. 

For  all  his  errors,  meannesses,  and  mistakes ;  for  all  his 
digressions,  comments,  and  needless  remarks;  for  all  his 
incorrect,  rash,  and  (unhappily !)  too  plain  expression ;  for 
his  too  freely,  too  frequently,  too  positively  giving  his 
opinion ;  for  all  the  sallies  out  of  his  province,  and  inva- 
sions of  the  talent  of  the  Learned,  either  as  Divines  or 
Philosophers ;  for  all  his  really,  or  supposed  wrong  notions 
of  things,  places,  or  persons ;  for  all  his  unpoliteness  of 
style,  improprieties  and  deformities  of  every  sort,  whether  in 
diction  or  conception ;  for  errors  of  the  Press,  errors  of  the 
pen,  or  errors  of  opinion :  he  humbly  asks  his  readers' 
pardon,  desires  they  will  place  them,  with  the  addition  of  their 
charity,  to  the  account  of  haste,  human  frailty,  and  such 
other  incidents  of  common  infirmity  as,  he  presumes,  most 
of  his  fellow  creatures  have,  more  or  less,  a  share  of. 

To  all  those  Gentlemen  of  Honour,  sense,  and  reading, 
who  have,  beyond  his  ambition,  honoured  this  Work  with  their 
generous  approbation,  have  thought  it  worth  their  reading, 
and  worth  giving  the  World  the  trouble  they  have  had  with 
it ;  the  author  returns  his  most  humble  acknowledgements  : 
assuring  them,  he  esteems  it  a  full  recompense  to  all  his 
labour,  hitherto  bestowed  gratis  upon  the  World;  and  values 
himself  more  in  the  approbation  of  a  few  wise  men  that  can 
judge  with  candour  and  impartiality,  than  upon  any  presump- 
tion of  his  own,  or  than  on  the  unpolished  praises  of  a 
crowd,  who,  wanting  no  ignorance,  speak  what  they  hear 
others  say,  and  judge  without  understanding. 

As  for  the  censuring,  partial,  and  prejudiced  part  of 
mankind ;  who  dislike  the  work  for  its  unhappy  despicable 
Author,  and  its  Author  because  his  judgement  and  theirs 
may  not  agree ;  it  is  in  vain  to  capitulate  [stipulate]  with 
them  for  civility  and  fair  treatment.  The  rudeness,  the 
heat,  the  contempt  they  treat  him  with,  is  the  less  a  concern 
to  him,  as  he  sees  it  plainly  produced  by  their  passion,  rather 
than  by  their  judgement. 

The  nature,  usefulness,  and  advantage  of  the  design,  they 


272  The  J^EV/EfvuoT  to  be  a  Party  Paper,  [^^gb' 


Defoe. 

1705. 


have  sometimes  been  forced  to  acknowledge ;  and  could  like  the 
Work,  were  it  performed  by  anybody  but  their  humble  Servant. 

And  yet,  even  to  these  Gentlemen  he  has  to  say,  he  always 
endeavoured  to  give  them  as  little  offence  as  possible.  He 
has  avoided  making  it  a  Party  paper  :  and  considering  the 
numerous  insults,  assaults,  and  snares  he  has  met  with,  to 
bring  him  into  the  article  of  raillery ;  he  thinks  he  has  said 
less,  on  all  occasions,  than  any  of  the  Party  writers  on  the 
other  side  would  have  done  in  the  like  case. 

When  he  has  engaged  with  such  Gentlemen  of  a  contrary 
opinion  to  himself,  who  have  been  of  temper  and  manners ; 
he  has  carefully  behaved  himself,  and  to  their  satisfaction. 
Though  he  has  not  agreed  with  their  opinions ;  he  has 
defended  his  own,  without  offence  to  their  persons,  or  any 
breach  of  decency  and  behaviour. 

He  heartily  wishes  all  the  Gentlemen  on  the  other  side 
would  give  him  equal  occasion  to  honour  them  for  their 
charity,  temper,  and  gentlemanlike  dealing,  as  for  their 
learning  and  virtue  ;  and  that  when  we  cannot  agree  like 
Brethren,  we  might  fall  out  like  Gentlemen.  And  he  would 
willingly  capitulate  with  them,  and  enter  into  a  treaty  or 
Cartel  for  Exchange  of  Good  Language  with  them  :  and  to 
let  all  our  debates  be  carried  by  strength  of  reasoning  and 
argument,  solid  proofs,  matter  of  fact,  and  demonstrations  ; 
and  not  by  dint  of  Billingsgate  storms  of  raillery,  and 
showers  of  ill  words,  that  Frenzy  of  the  Tongue  !  and  Shame 
of  a  good  Cause  ! 

Among  the  various  questions,  the  Author  has  had  sent 
him  to  answer  (a  thing  altogether  foreign  to  his  first  design), 
he  had  one  lately,  in  the  following  terms,  which  he  purposely 
reserved  to  be  answered  in  this  place. 

Thus— 

Gentlemen, 

You  have  given  your  opinions  freely  about  several  sorts  of 
Religions.  Pray  what  religion  is  your  Society  fi.e..  Scandalous 
Club]  of?  ^        Yours. 

The  truth  is,  the  Author  little  thought  to  make  a  Public 
Confession  of    Faith  in  his  Paper ;    and    though  he   ought 


17 Feb!^ito5G  Defoe' s  Confession  of  Fa i t h.    273 

always  to  be  ready  to  do  it,  whenever  legally  required ;  yet 
he  shall  take  the  freedom  to  reply  to  this  Querist,  not  so 
much  in  the  literal  sense  of  the  words,  as  in  the  sense  which 
he  presumes  the  inquirer  would  be  answered  in. 

As  to  the  literal  sense,  of  Religion  generally  understood,  he 
answers  directly,  Catholic  Christians  ! 

As  to  the  meaning  of  it,  which  he  understands  to  be, 
**  What  Party  do  you  belong  to  ?  "  he  freely  again  answers 
for  himself,  that  which  he  presumes  to  be  his  meaning,  A 
Protestant  Dissenter. 

And  to  them  that  like  him  the  worse  for  it,  he  desires  their 
patience  to  read  the  account  he  gave  of  himself,  in  a  letter  to 
a  Divine  of  the  C[hurch]  of  E[ngland]  in  some  debates 
between  them,  on  a  question  published  in  the  last  Supple- 
ment, page  2 ;  and  he  freely  appeals  to  the  Gentleman  him- 
self, who  is  absolutely  a  stranger  to  him,  for  the  justness  of 
the  quotation. 

/  never  miss  expressing  on  all  occasions,  my  hearty  wishes 
that  there  was  no  such  thing  as  Faction  or  Party  in  the 
nation. 

I  own  I  dissent  in  some  matters  from  the  Established 
Church.  Will  you  hear  my  opinion  with  charity  ?  I  am 
sure  you  cannot  despise  such  a  Dissenter,  and  I  heartily  wish 
there  no  other. 

I  dissent  from  the  National  Church  in  nothing  doctrinal 
or  essential  to  salvation.  I  entertain  a  sincere  universal 
charity  for  the  Church,  and  all  her  Christian  members. 

I  earnestly  wish  and  desire  I  could  conform  in  all  things 
the  Law  requires. 

I  freely  and  heartily  acquiesce  in  the  Government  being 
always  in  the  hands  of  the  Church  [i.e.,  that  all  Ministers 
of  State  should  always  be  Members  of  the  Church  of 
England]  :  and  if  it  were  entirely  in  my  choice  or  disposal^ 
would  place  it  there,  rather  than  in  any  sort  of,  or  in  the 
hands  of  all  the  Dissenters  together. 

I  can  never  be  guilty  of  undermining  the  Church,  or  fo- 
menting any  faction  or  rebellion  against  her :  for  I  would 
have  her  hold  the  reins  of  Government. 

I  confess  I  would  have  the  Church  extend  her  charity  and 
S  3 


274  Defoe's  reply  to  the  Warm  Gentlemen.  [,y  F^h^^jTs'. 

tenderness  to  us  that  cannot  conform  ;  not  treat  us  as  enemies, 
condemn  us  unheard,  and  punish  us  not  being  guilty. 


As  to  those  Warm  Gentlemen,  whom  no  argument  will 
reach,  no  courtesy  oblige,  who  will  damn  the  Author  and  his 
Work  in  spite  of  argument,  sense,  or  manners  ;  let  my  Lord 
Rochester  answer  for  us,  when,  writing  of  his  Poetry,  he 
says, 

/  slight  the  rabble  I  'Tis  enough  for  me, 

If  Sackville,  Saville,  Boyle,  and  Wycherley, 

Great  B ,  and  S ,  and  C ,  and  Buckingham, 

A  nd  some  few  more  whom  I  omit  to  name. 
Approve  my  verse, 

I  count  your  censure,  fame  I 

The  Author  thinks  it  convenient  to  inform  the  world  that 
this  Paper  not  being  able  to  contain  all  he  thinks  needful  to 
say,  at  the  dismiss  of  this  work ;  there  will  be  two  more 
papers  published  in  course,  as  the  conclusion  of  the  whole. 

Also  that  a  Preface  and  Index  shall  be  prepared  to  be  bound 
up  with  the  volume  ;  which  all  those  Gentlemen  who  have 
made  collections  [sets]  of  the  Paper,  will  find  necessary  to  have 
to  complete  the  book. 


How  the  Review  came  to  be  continued, 

{Review,  No.  loi,  Vol.  I. p.  420.    Tuesday,  20  Feb.,  1705. 1 

The  author  of  this,  having  received  a  very  obliging  letter, 
signed,  P.  G.,  D.  H.,  L.  M.,  J.  B.,  V.  R.,  B.  B.,  &c.,  con- 
cerning the  promoting,  supporting,  and  continuing  this  Work; 
the  Author,  acknowledging  the  courtesy  and  kindness  of  the 
Gentlemen,  desires  they  will  please  to  give  him  leave,  and 
direct  him  where  to  send  them  an  answer  in  writing,  before 
he  publishes  their  generous  offer. 

[See;)/.  231,  240.] 

r 


Daniel      Defoe. 

The  Revolution  ^1688,  its  principles  and 
purposes  in  a  nutshell. 


276 


Daniel     Defoe 


The  Revolution  of  1688,  its  principles  and 
purposes^  in   a  nutshell, 

[Written  at  the  time  of  the  trials  of  Doctor  Sacheverel,  the  High 
Flying  Doctor,  in  the  Review  Nos.  Ii8  and  119.  Vol.  VI.  Saturday 
7th  and  Tuesday  loth  January,  17 10.] 

With  the  humblest  submission  to  the  opinion  of  the  British 
Parliament,  and  yet  in  a  cheerful  confidence  in  their  justice, 
love  to  their  country,  and  zeal  for  the  public  peace  :  I  take 
leave  to  address  this  Paper  to  the  Commons  of  Britain, 
assembled  at  this  time  in  Parliament,  as  follows. 

He  public  peace  of  Britain,  Right  Honour- 
ables  !  having  by  the  Wonders  of  Provi- 
dence, been  preserved  in  the  late  glorious 
Revolution  ;  and  the  religious  as  well  as 
civil  liberties  of  this  island  been  rescued 
from  the  ruinous  projects  of  Popery  and 
Tyranny:  it  pleased  GOD  to  direct  the 
Commons  of  England  by  their  Representa- 
tives, assembled  in  Convention  in  conjunction  with  the 
Nobility,  to  apply  themselves  to  such  future  Establishments 
as  might  effectually  secure  us  from  any  subsequent  relapse 
into  the  mischiefs  of  the  former  reign. 

To  this  purpose,  they  presented  the  Crown,  upon  the 
abdication  of  the  late  King  James  (whom  Guilt  and  Fear 
would  not  permit  to  shew  his  face  among  us),  to  their  glorious 
Deliverer,  King  William,  and  his  blessed  Consort,  Queen 
Mary  then  the  next  Protestant  heir  in  succession :  and  en- 
tailed it  on  Her  present  Majesty  [Queen  Anne]  in  default 
of  heirs;  without  any  regard  to  the  other  issue  of  King 
James,  then  alive  or  to  be  born. 


7-IO Sn^rjio.']  Results  of  the  Convention  of  1689.     277 

By  which  celebrated  action,  I  humbly  conceive,  the  Con- 
vention did  the  several  things  following:  whether  immediately 
or  consequentially,  or  both,  is  not  material. 

1.  They  effectually  secured  the  Crown  in  the  hands  of  Protes- 

tants ;    having  passed   that    never-to-be-forgotten   Vote ; 

which  was  sent  up  to  the  Lords,  January  22,  1689. 

That  it  is  inconsistent  with  the  Constitution  of  this  Pro- 
testant Nation,  to  be  governed  by  a  Popish  Prince. 
Upon  which  Claim,  our  Religion  is  now  established ; 

and  our  religious  rights  are  all  founded  and  secured. 

2.  They  asserted  the  Rights  of  the  People  of  England,  as- 

sembled either  in   Parliament  or  Convention,  to  dispose 

of  the  Crown,  even  in  bar  of  hereditar}^  right  ;  i.e.,  in 

Parliament  style  [language]  to  limit  the  Succession  of  the 

Crown. 

By  which  latter  article,  I  humbly  suggest,  all  the  pretences 

of  our  Princes  to  an  inherent  Divine  Right  of  blood,  and  to  an 

Absolute  Unconditioned  Obedience  in  their  subjects;  together 

with  that  modern  delusion  of  the  Unlawfulness  of  Resistance  or 

Self-Defence,  in  cases  of  Tyranny  and  Oppression,  were  entirely 

suppressed,  declared  against,  and  disowned. 

These  things  (as  the  Journals  of  our  own  House  will 
abundantly  inform  you,  and  to  which  I  humbly  refer)  received, 
at  divers  times  and  in  various  manners,  all  possible  sanction, 
both  in  the  same  assembled  Convention  when  aftenvards 
turned  into  a  Parliament,  and  in  several  subsequent  Parlia- 
ments to  this  day,  in  the  several  Acts  passed  in  both  King- 
doms, {or  Recognition  of  King  WiLLiAM  and  Queen  Mary,  for 
taking  the  Association  for  security  of  the  persons  of  the  King  and 
Queen,  ior  further  Limitation  of  the  Crown,  for  Settling  the  Suc- 
cession, and,  at  last,  for  Uniting  the  two  Kingdoms.  To  all 
which  Acts,  I  humbly  refer.  Every  one  of  them,  either 
expressly  mentioning,  or  necessarily  implying  the  Right  of 
the  Parliament  to  limit  the  Succession  of  their  Princes,  and  to 
declare  the  established  conditions  of  the  People's  obedience. 
But  all  which  Acts,  the  absurd  doctrines  of  Passive  Obedience 
and  Non-Resistance  are,  by  undeniable  consequences,  ex- 
ploded and  rejected,  as  inconsistent  with  the  Constitution  of 
Britain. 

Now,  may  it  please  this   Honourable  House  to  consider, 


278    The  Series  of  Wonders.  [j-,of^n^il°ti 

that,  though  as  this  Happy  Revolution  was  established  over  all 
gainsayers,  and  that  all  opposition  to  it  was  crushed,  in  both 
Kingdoms,  in  its  beginning :  yet  it  involved  the  nation  in  a 
bloody,  expensive,  and  a  tedious  war  with  the  King  of  France  ; 
the  great  Pattern  of  Tyranny  in  Europe,  and  to  whom  all 
the  abdicated  Tyrants  of  Christendom  have  fled  for  succour. 
And  as  this  terrible  War  has  continued  now  above  twenty 
years,  with  a  small  interval  of  an  imperfect  Peace ;  and,  as 
is  usual  in  like  cases,  it  has  been  attended  with  various 
[varying]  successes,  especially  before  the  late  Series  of 
Wonder  [Marlborough's  victories]  began,  in  which  GOD 
has  signally  blessed  Her  Majesty  with  an  almost  uninter- 
rupted success  :  so  the  great  and  powerful  enemies  of  our 
Peace  abroad,  were  not  without  their  secret  friends  among 
us ;  who,  as  traitors  in  the  bosom  of  their  native  country, 
have,  by  all  manner  of  artifice,  from  time  to  time  endeavoured 
to  weaken  the  hands  of  the  established  Government,  to  en- 
courage the  enemy,  and  on  all  occasions  assisted  them  in 
open  invasions  or  secret  treachery,  to  attempt  the  Restora- 
tion of  Slavery  and  Bondage  upon  their  own  country. 

This  is  the  prayer  of  the  [above]  Petition !  this  is  the 
present  cure  for  all  this  popular  frenzy  !  and  will  do  more  to 
establish  our  Peace,  than  the  whole  twenty  years'  war  has 
done  !  this  will  prepare  us,  either  to  carry  the  war  on  abroad, 
or  to  receive  peace  when  GOD  shall  think  fit  to  trust  us  with 
that  blessing  again  ! 

That  you  would  be  pleased  to  condemn  the  Principle  ! 
It  is  nothing  what  ye  do  with  the  man  [Doctor 
Sacheverel]. 

The  Principle  is  the  plague  sore  that  runs  upon  the 
nation ;  and  its  contagion  infects  our  gentry,  infects  our 
clergy,  infects  our  politics  ;  and  affects  the  loyalty,  the  zeal, 
and  the  peace  of  the  whole  island. 

Passive  Obedience,  Non-Resistance,  and  the  Divine  Right 
of  Hereditary  Succession  are  inconsistent  with  the  rights  of 
the  British  Nation  (not  to  examine  the  Rights  of  Nature)! 
inconsistent  with  the  Constitution  of  the  British  Govern- 
ment !  inconsistent  with  the  Being  and  Authority  of  the 
British  Parliament !  and  inconsistent  with  the  declared 
essential  Foundation  of  the  British  Monarchy  ! 


7-toSn.^rJio;]  The  beautiful  garment  of  Liberty.    279 

These  abhorred  notions  would  destroy  the  inestimable 
Privileges  of  Britain,  of  which  the  House  of  Commons  are 
the  glorious  conservators !  They  would  subject  all  our 
Liberties  to  the  arbitrary  lust  of  a  single  person !  They 
would  expose  us  to  all  kinds  of  tyranny,  and  subvert  the 
very  foundations  on  which  we  stand !  They  would  destroy 
the  unquestioned  sovereignty  of  our  Laws;  which,  for  so 
many  Ages,  have  triumphed  over  the  invasions  and  usurpa- 
tions of  ambitious  Princes  !  They  would  denude  us  of  the 
beautiful  garment  of  Liberty,  and  prostitute  the  honour  of 
the  nation  to  the  mechanicism  of  Slavery !  They  would 
divest  GOD  Almighty  of  His  praise,  in  giving  His  humble 
creatures  a  right  to  govern  themselves !  and  they  charge 
Heaven  with  having  meanly  subjected  mankind  to  the  crime. 
Tyranny  !  which  He  himself  abhors. 

It  is  to  this  Honourable  House,  the  whole  nation  now 
looks  for  relief  against  these  invaders. 

Honest  men  hope  that  now  is  the  time  when  the  illegitimate 
spurious  birth  of  these  Monsters  in  Politics  shall  be  exposed 
by  your  voice. 

Novi;  is  the  time,  when  you  shall  declare  it  criminal  for  any 
Man  to  assert  that  the  subjects  of  Britain  are  obliged  to  an 
absolute  unconditioned  Obedience  to  their  Princes,  The  contrary 
being  evident  by  the  Claim  of  Right  made,  in  both  Kingdoms 
[England  and  Scotland],  when  they  tendered  the  Crowns  to 
King  William  and  Queen  Mary  ;  and  in  the  Oath  of  Govern- 
ment taken  by  them,  at  the  same  time ;  and  which  no  man, 
by  law,  can  or  dare  impeach  !  and,  indeed,  ought  not  to  be 
permitted  unpunished,  to  reproach. 

Now  is  the  time,  when  you  shall  declare  it  criminal  for  any 
man  to  assert  the  Illegality  of  Resistance  on  any  pretence  what- 
ever S-c. ;  or,  in  plain  English  [against]  The  Right  of  Self- 
Defence  against  Oppression  and  Violence^  whether  national  or 
personal. 

The  contrary  of  which  is  evident  by  the  subjects  of 
Britain  inviting  over  the  Prince  of  Orange  to  assert  and 
defend  the  Liberties  of  this  island,  and  to  resist  the  invasions 
of  Popery  and  Tyranny  ;  in  which  he  was  honourably  joined 
by  the  Nobility  and  Commons  assembled  at  Nottingham  : 
who  took  arms,  anno  1688,  to  resist  the  Invaders  of  our 
Liberties ;  and  were  assisted  and  countenanced  by  the  voices 


28o  Right  of  Parliament  to  limit  the  Crown.  [J;, 


Defoe. 
1.  1710. 


and  persons  of  the  Clergy,  the  Prelates,  and  Her  [present] 
Majesty  in  person. 

Now  is  the  time,  when  you  shall  again  declare  the  Rights  of 
the  People  of  England,  either  in  Parliament  or  in  Convention 
assembled,  to  limit  the  Succession  of  the  Crown  in  bar  of  heredi- 
tary claims;  while  those  claims  are  attended  with  other  circum- 
stances inconsistent  with  the  Public  Safety  and  the  established 
Laws  of  the  Land.  Since  Her  Majesty's  Title  to  the  Crown 
(as  now  owned  and  acknowledged  by  the  whole  nation)  and 
the  Succession  to  the  Crown  (as  entailed  by  the  Act  of  Succes- 
sion in  England,  and  the  late  Union  of  Britain),  are  built  on 
the  Right  of  Parliament  to  limit  the  Crown,  and  that  Right 
was  recognized  by  the  Revolution. 


This  is  the  substance  of  the  Author's  humble  application, 
viz.  : 

That  the  Sense  of  the  House  as  to  the  principles  of 
Passive  Obedience,  Non-Resistance,  and  Parliamentary 
Limitation  might  be  so  declared,  as  that  this  wicked  Party 
may  be  no  more  at  liberty  to  insult  the  Government,  the 
Queen,  and  the  Parliament ;  or  to  disturb  the  peace,  or 
debauch  the  loyalty  of  Her  Majesty's  subjects. 


28l 


Daniel    Defoe. 
The  R  ducat  ion  of  Women, 

\An  Essay  upon  Projects. 
Written  about  1692,  but 
first  printed  in  1697.] 

Have  often  thought  of  it  as  one  of  the  most  bar- 
barous customs  in  the  world,  considering  us  as  a 
civilized  and  a  Christian  country,  that  we  deny  the 
advantages  of  learning  to  women.  We  reproach 
the  sex  every  day  with  folly  and  impertinence; 
while  I  am  confident,  had  they  the  advantages  of  education 
equal  to  us,  they  would  be  guilty  of  less  than  ourselves. 

One  would  wonder,  indeed,  how  it  should  happen  that 
women  are  conversible  at  all ;  since  they  are  only  beholden 
to  natural  parts,  for  all  their  knowledge.  Their  youth  is 
spent  to  teach  them  to  stitch  and  sew,  or  make  baubles. 
They  are  taught  to  read,  indeed,  and  perhaps  to  write  their 
names,  or  so  ;  and  that  is  the  height  of  a  woman's  education. 
And  I  would  but  ask  any  who  slight  the  sex  for  their 
understanding,  what  is  a  man  (a  gentleman,  I  mean)  good 
for,  that  is  taught  no  more  ?  I  need  not  give  instances,  or 
examine  the  character  of  a  gentleman,  with  a  good  estate,  or 
a  good  family,  and  with  tolerable  parts ;  and  examine  what 
figure  he  makes  for  want  of  education. 

The  soul  is  placed  in  the  body  like  a  rough  diamond;  and 
must  be  polished,  or  the  lustre  of  it  will  never  appear.  And 
'tis  manifest,  that  as  the  rational  soul  distinguishes  us  from 
brutes  ;  so  education  carries  on  the  distinction,  and  makes 
some  less  brutish  than  others.  This  is  too  evident  to  need 
any  demonstration.  But  why  then  should  women  be  denied 
the  benefit  of  instruction  ?  If  knowledge  and  understanding 
had  been  useless  additions  to  the  sex,  GOD  Almighty  would 
never   have   given   them  capacities;  for   he   made   nothing 


282   No  Learning  to  be  Denied  to  Women.  |7*-°,*§^ 

needless.  Besides,  I  would  ask  such,  What  they  can  see  in 
ignorance,  that  they  should  think  it  a  necessary  ornament  to 
a  woman  ?  or  how  much  worse  is  a  wise  woman  than  a  fool  ? 
or  what  has  the  woman  done  to  forfeit  the  privilege  of  being 
taught  ?  Does  she  plague  us  with  her  pride  and  imperti- 
nence ?  Why  did  we  not  let  her  learn,  that  she  might  have 
had  more  wit  ?  Shall  we  upbraid  women  with  folly,  when 
'tis  only  the  error  of  this  inhuman  custom,  that  hindered 
them  from  being  made  wiser  ? 

The  capacities  of  women  are  supposed  to  be  greater,  and 
their  senses  quicker  than  those  of  the  men  ;  and  what  they 
might  be  capable  of  being  bred  to,  is  plain  from  some 
instances  of  female  wit,  which  this  age  is  not  without. 
Which  upbraids  us  with  Injustice,  and  looks  as  if  we  denied 
women  the  advantages  of  education,  for  fear  they  should  vie 
with  the  men  in  their  improvements 

HeyJshould  be  taught  all  sorts  of  breeding  suitable 
both  to  their  genius  and  quality.  And  in  particular, 
Music  and  Dancing;  which  it  would  be  cruelty  to 
bar  the  sex  of,  because  they  are  their  darlings.  But 
besides  this,  they  should  be  taught  languages,  as  particularly 
French  and  Italian  :  and  I  would  venture  the  injury  of  giving 
a  woman  more  tongues  than  one.  They  should,  as  a  par- 
ticular study,  be  taught  all  the  graces  of  speech,  and  all  the 
necessary  air  of  conversation  ;  which  our  common  education 
is  so  defective  in,  that  I  need  not  expose  it.  They  should  be 
brought  to  read  books,  and  especially  history  ;  and  so  to 
read  as  to  make  them  understand  the  world,  and  be  able  to 
know  and  judge  of  things  when  they  hear  of  them. 

To  such  whose  genius  would  lead  them  to  it,  I  would  deny 
no  sort  of  learning ;  but  the  chief  thing,  in  general,  is  to 
cultivate  the  understandings  of  the  sex,  that  they  may  be 
capable  of  all  sorts  of  conversation  ;  that  their  parts  and 
judgements  being  improved,  they  may  be  as  profitable  in  their 
conversation  as  they  are  pleasant. 

Women,  in  my  observation,  have  little  or  no  difference  in 
them,  but  as  they  are  or  are  not  distinguished  by  education. 
Tempers,  indeed,  may  in  some  degree  influence  them,  but 
the  main  distinguishing  part  is  their  Breeding. 

The  whole  sex  are  generally  quick  and  sharp.     I  believe, 


^■^f^i]A  WELL  BRED,  AND  AN  ILL  BRED  WOMAN.  283 

I  may  be  allowed  to  say,  generally  so  :  for  you  rarely  see 
them  lumpish  and  heavy,  when  they  are  children  ;  as  boys 
will  often  be.  If  a  woman  be  well  bred,  and  taught  the 
proper  management  of  her  natural  wit ;  she  proves  generally 
very  sensible  and  retentive. 

And,  without  partiality,  a  woman  of  sense  and  manners  is 
the  finest  and  most  delicate  part  of  GOD's  Creation,  the 
glory  of  Her  Maker,  and  the  great  instance  of  His  singular 
regard  to  man.  His  darling  creature  :  to  whom  He  gave  the 
best  gift  either  GOD  could  bestow  or  man  receive.  And  'tis 
the  sordidest  piece  of  folly  and  ingratitude  in  the  world,  to 
withhold  from  the  sex  the  due  lustre  which  the  advantages 
of  education  gives  to  the  natural  beauty  of  their  minds. 

A  woman  well  bred  and  well  taught,  furnished  with  the 
additional  accomplishments  of  knowledge  and  behaviour,  is 
a  creature  without  comparison.  Her  society  is  the  emblem  of 
sublimer  enjoyments,  her  person  is  angelic,  and  her  conver- 
sation heavenly.  She  is  all  softness  and  sweetness,  peace, 
love,  wit,  and  delight.  She  is  every  way  suitable  to  the 
sublimest  wish  :  and  the  man  that  has  such  a  one  to  his 
portion,  has  nothing  to  do  but  to  rejoice  in  her,  and  be 
thankful. 

On  the  other  hand,  Suppose  her  to  be  the  very  same 
woman,  and  rob  her  of  the  benefit  of  education,  and  it 
follows — 

If  her  temper  be  good,  want  of  education  makes  her  soft 

and  easy. 
Her  wit,  for  want  of  teaching,  makes  her  impertinent 

and  talkative. 
Her  knowledge,  for  want  of  judgement  and  experience, 

makes  her  fanciful  and  whimsical. 
If  her  temper  be  bad,  want  of  breeding  makes  her  worse ; 

and  she  grows  haughty,  insolent,  and  loud. 
If  she  be  passionate,  want  of  manners  makes  her  a 
termagant   and  a  scold,   which  is   much  at  one  with 
Lunatic. 
If  she   be    proud,   want   of    discretion    (which    still   is 
breeding)   makes  her  conceited,  fantastic,    and   ridi- 
culous. 
And  from  these  she  degenerates  to  be  turbulent,  clamo- 
rous, noisy,  nasty,  the  devil !  .  .  .  . 


284  Women,  god's  GLORIOUS  CREATURES.  [^-^.Ig* 

He  great  distinguishing  difference,  which  is  seen  in 

the  world  between   men    and  women,  is   in   their 

education ;  and  this  is  manifested  by  comparing  it 

with  the  difference  between  one  man  or  woman,  and 

another. 

And  herein  it  is  that  I  take  upon  me  to  make  such  a  bold 
assertion,  That  all  the  world  are  mistaken  in  their  practice 
about  women.  For  I  cannot  think  that  GOD  Almighty  ever 
made  them  so  delicate,  so  glorious  creatures;  and  furnished 
them  with  such  charms,  so  agreeable  and  so  delightful  to 
mankind  ;  with  souls  capable  of  the  same  accomplishments 
with  men  :  and  all,  to  be  only  Stewards  of  our  Houses, 
Cooks,  and  Slaves. 

Not  that  I  am  for  exalting  the  female  government  in  the 
least :  but,  in  short,  /  would  have  men  take  women  for 
companions,  and  educate  them  to  he  fit  for  it.  A  woman  of 
sense  and  breeding  will  scorn  as  much  to  encroach  upon  the 
prerogative  of  man,  as  a  man  of  sense  will  scorn  to  oppress 
the  weakness  of  the  woman.  But  if  the  women's  souls  were 
refined  and  improved  by  teaching,  that  word  would  be  lost. 
To  say,  the  weakness  of  the  sex,  as  to  judgement,  would  be 
nonsense  ;  for  ignorance  and  folly  would  be  no  more  to  be 
found  among  women  than  men. 

I  remember  a  passage,  which  I  heard  from  a  very 
fine  woman.  She  had  wit  and  capacity  enough,  an  extra- 
ordinary shape  and  face,  and  a  great  fortune :  but  had 
been  cloistered  up  all  her  time  ;  and  for  fear  of  being  stolen, 
had  not  had  the  liberty  of  being  taught  the  common 
necessary  knowledge  of  women's  affairs.  And  when  she 
came  to  converse  in  the  world,  her  natural  wit  made  her  so 
sensible  of  the  want  of  education,  that  she  gave  this  short 
reflection  on  herself:  "  I  am  ashamed  to  talk  with  my  very 
maids,"  says  she,  "  for  I  don't  know  when  they  do  right  or 
wrong.     I  had  more  need  go  to  school,  than  be  married." 

I  need  not  enlarge  on  the  loss  the  defect  of  education  is  to 
the  sex  ;  nor  argue  the  benefit  of  the  contrary  practice.  'Tis 
a  thing  will  be  more  easily  granted  than  remedied.  This 
chapter  is  but  an  Essay  at  the  thing:  and  I  refer  the 
Practice  to  those  Happy  Days  (if  ever  they  shall  be)  when 
men  shall  be  wise  enough  to  mend  it. 


LAW 

IS   A 

Exemplified  in  the   CASE  of 

The  Lord  Strutt,  John  Bull, 

Nicholas  Frog,  and  Lewis  Baboon  : 
Who  spent  all  they  had  in  a  Lawsuit. 


Printed  from  a  Manuscript  found  in  the  Cabinet 
of  the  fa??tous  Sir  Humphry  Poleswortiu 


LONDON: 

Printed  for  John  Morphew,  near  iStationers' 
Hall,  I  7  I  2.  Price  3d. 


28; 


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THE     CONTENTS 


Chap.     I.  The  Occasion  of  the  Lawsuit 


..  p.  289 


II.  How  Bull  and  Frog  grew  jealous,  that  the 
Lord  Strutt  intended  to  give  all  his  custom 
to  his  grandfather  Lewis  Baboon    /».  290 

III.  A  copy  of  Bull  and  Frog's  letter  to  Lord 
Strutt />.  291 

IV.  How  Bull  and  Frog  went  to  law  with 
Lord  Strutt  about  the  premisses,  afid  were 
joined  by  the  rest  of  the  Tradesmen      p.  292 

V.  The   true  characters   of  John   Bull,  Nic. 

Frog,  and  Hocus      />•  293 


VI.  Of  the 


success  of  the  Lawsuit />.  294 


VII.  How  John  Bull  was  so  mightily  pleased 
with  his  success,  that  he  was  going  to  leave  off 
his  trade,  and  turn  lawyer     p.  295 


288 


The  Contents 


r  J.  Arbuthnot,  M.D. 
LPart  I.  23  Feb.  lyia. 


Chap.  VIII.  How  John  discovered  that  Hocus  had  an 
intrigue  with  his  wife,  and  what  followed 
thereupon    p.  296 

IX.  How  Signior  Cavallo,  an  Italian  Quack, 

undertook  to  ctire  Mrs.  Bull  of  her  ulcer  ...p.  298 


X.  Of  John  Bull's  second  wife,  and  the 
advice  that  she  gave  him    


/>.  300 


XI.  How   John   looked    over  his    Attorney's 

bill      p.  301 

XII.  How  John  grew  angry,  resolved  to  accept 
a  Composition ;  and  what  methods  were 
practised  by  the  lawyers  for  keeping  him 
from  it />.  302 

XIII.  How  the  lawyers  agreed  to  send  Don  Diego 
DiSMALLO  the  Conjuror,  to  John  Bull, 
to  dissttade  him  from  making  an  end  of  his 
Lawsuit ;  and  wliat  passed  betweeti  them  ...p.  304 


Law  is  a  Bottomless  Pit. 


CHAPTER      I. 

The  Occasion  of  the  Lawsuit, 

Need  not  tell  you  the  great  quarrels  that 
have  happened  in  our  neighbourhood,  since  the 
death  of  the  late  Lord  Strutt  [the  late  King  oj 
Spain,  Charles  II.,  who  died  in  1700J,  how  the 
Parson  [Cardinal  PORTOCARRERO]  and  a  cun- 
ning Attorney  got  him  to  settle  his  estate  upon  his 
cousin  Philip  Baboon  [the  Duke  of  Anyou, 
afterwards  PHILIP  V.],  to  the  great  disappoint- 
ment of  his  cousin,  Esquire  South  [the  Archduke  Charles]. 
Some  stick  not  to  say,  that  the  Parson  and  the  Attorney  forged 
a  Will,  for  which  they  were  well  paid  by  the  Family  of  the 
Baboons  [the  House  of  Bourbon].  Let  that  be  as  it  will,  it 
is  matter  of  fact,  that  the  honour  and  estate  have  continued 
ever  since  in  the  person  of  Philip  Baboon. 

You  know  that  the  Lord  Strutts  have,  for  many  years,  been 
possessed  of  a  very  great  landed  estate,  well  conditioned, 
wooded,  w^atered ;  with  coal,  salt,  tin,  copper,  iron,  &c.,  all 
within  themselves :  that  it  has  been  the  misfortune  of  the 
Family,  to  be  the  property  of  their  stewards,  tradesmen,  and 
inferior  servants,  which  has  brought  great  incumbrances 
upon  them  ;  and,  at  the  same  time,  the  not  abating  of  their 
expensive  way  of  living  has  forced  them  to  mortage  their  best 
manors.  It  is  credibly  reported,  that  the  butcher's  and 
baker's  bills  of  a  Lord  Strutt  that  lived  two  hundred  years 
ago,  are  not  yet  paid. 

T  3 


2 90    F  R  A N C E  B  U  L L Y I N G  A L L  E  U  R O  P E.    [pl\  l^ITv^u. "f^,^; 

When  Philip  Baboon  came  first  to  the  possession  of  the 
Lord  Strutt's  estate,  his  Tradesmen  [the  Allies],  as  is  usual 
upon  such  occasions,  waited  upon  him,  to  wish  him  joy,  and 
to  bespeak  his  custom.  The  two  chief  were  John  Bull 
[the  English]  the  clothier,  and  Nic.  Frog  [the  Dutch]  the  linen 
draper.  They  told  him,  that  "  the  Bulls  and  the  Frogs  had 
served  the  Lord  Strutts  with  drapery  ware  for  many  years, 
that  they  were  honest  and  fair  dealers,  that  their  bills  had 
never  been  questioned,  that  the  Lord  Strutts  lived  gene- 
rously and  never  used  to  dirty  their  fingers  with  pen,  ink, 
and  counters,  that  his  Lordship  might  depend  upon  their 
honesty,  and  they  would  use  him  as  kindly  as  they  had  done 
his  predecessors." 

The  young  Lord  seemed  to  take  all  in  good  part,  and  dis- 
missed with  a  deal  of  seeming  content  ;  assuring  them  that 
he  did  not  intend  to  change  any  of  the  honourable  maxims  of 
his  predecessors. 

CHAPTER     II. 

How  Bull  and  Frog  grew  jealous,  that  the  Lord  Strutt 
intended  to  give  all  his  cusiotn  to  his  grandfather  Lewis 
Baboon. 

T  HAPPENED,  unfortunately  for  the  peace  of  our 
neighbourhood,  that  this  young  Lord  had  an  old 
cunning  rogue, or,  as  the  Scots  call  it,  a  "false  loon" 
■'  of  a  grandfather,  that  one  might  justly  call  a  "Jack 
of  all  trades."  Sometimes  you  would  see  him  behind  his 
counter  selling  broadcloth  ;  sometimes,  measuring  linen  ; 
next  day  he  would  be  dealing  in  mercery  ware.  High  heads, 
ribbons,  gloves,  fans,  and  lace,  he  understood  to  a  nicety  ; 
Charles  Mather  could  not  bubble  a  young  beau  better 
with  a  toy !  nay,  he  would  descend  even  to  the  selling  of 
tape,  garters,  and  shoebuckles.  When  shop  was  shut  up, 
he  would  go  about  the  neighbourhood,  and  earn  half  a  crown 
by  teaching  the  young  men  and  maids  to  dance.  By  these 
methods  he  had  acquired  immense  riches,  which  he  used  to 
squander  away  at  back-sword,  quarter-staff,  and  cudgel-play, 
in  which  he  took  great  pleasure  ;  and  challenged  all  the 
country. 


pl'A'^"2sT^h^!7?J  Parody  of  the  Partition  Treaties.  29 1 

You  will  say  it  is  no  wonder  if  Bull  and  Frog  should  be 
jealous  of  this  fellow. 

"  It  is  not  impossible,"  says  Frog  to  Bull,  "but  this  old 
rogue  will  take  the  management  of  the  young  Lord's  busi- 
ness into  his  hands  ;  besides,  the  rascal  has  good  ware,  and 
will  serve  him  as  cheap  as  anybody,  in  that  case.  I  leave 
you  to  judge,  what  must  become  of  us  and  our  families  !  we 
must  starve,  or  turn  journeymen  to  old  Lewis  Baboon  ! 
therefore,  neighbour,  I  hold  it  advisable  that  we  write  to 
young  Lord  Strutt,  to  know  the  bottom  of  this  matter. 


CHAPTER    111. 

A  copy  of  Bull  and  Frog's  letter  to  Lord  Strutt, 

o  R  D , 

Suppose  your  Lordship  knows  that  the  Bulls  and 
the  Frogs  have  served  the  Lord  Strutts  with  all 
sorts  of  drapery  ware,  time  out  of  mind;  and  whereas 
we  are  jealons,  not  without  reason,  that  your  Lordship 
intends  henceforth  to  buy  of  your  grandsire,  old  LEWIS  Baboon  : 
this  is  to  inform  your  Lordship,  that  this  proceeding  does  not  suit 
with  the  circumstances  of  our  families,  who  have  lived  and  made  a 
good  figure  in  the  World  by  the  generosity  of  the  Lord  Strutts. 
Therefore  we  think  fit  to  acquaint  your  Lordship,  that  you  must  find 
sufficient  security  to  us,  our  heirs  and  assigns,  that  you  will  not 
employ  Lewis  Baboon,  or  else  we  will  take  our  remedy  at  law,  clap 
an  action  upon  you  of  ;;^20,ooo  for  old  debts,  seize  and  destrainyour 
goods  and  chattels;  which,  considering  your  Lordship's  circum- 
stances, will  plunge  you  into  difficidties  from  which  it  will  not  be 
easy  to  extricate  yourself :  therefore  we  hope  when  your  Lordship 
has  better  considered  on  it,  you  will  comply  with  the  desire  of 
Your  loving  friends, 

John    Bull, 
N  I  c.    Frog. 

Some  of  Bull's  friends  advised  him  to  take  gentler  methods 

with  the  young  Lord ;  but  John  naturally  loved  rough  play. 

It  is  impossible  to  express  the  surprise  of  the  Lord  Strutt, 

upon  the  receipt  of  this  letter.     He  was  not  flush  in  "  ready  " 


292    The  Allies  join  England  &  Holland.  [Lfu!"'.'"."'; 

[money],  either  to  go  to  law  or  to  clear  old  debts;  neither 
could  he  find  good  bail. 

He  offered  to  bring  matters  to  a  friendly  accommodation  ; 
and  promised,  upon  his  word  of  honour,  that  he  would  not 
change  his  drapers  :  but  all  to  no  purpose,  for  Bull  and 
Frog  saw  clearly  that  old  Lewis  would  have  the  cheating  of 
him  I 

CHAPTER    IV. 

How  Bull  and  Frog  went  to  law  with  Lord  Strutt  about 
the  premisses f  and  were  joined  by  the  rest  of  the  Tradesmen. 

Ll    endeavours   of  accommodation    between    Lord 

Strutt  and  his  drapers   proved  vain.     Jealousies 

increased,  and  indeed  it  was  rumoured  abroad,  that 

the  Lord  Strutt  had  bespoke  his  new  liveries  of 

old  Lewis  Baboon. 

This  coming  to  Mrs.  Bull's  ears,  when  John  Bull  came 
home,  he  found  all  his  family  in  an  uproar.  Mrs.  Bull  [the 
late  Ministry  of  Lord  GODOLPHIN  and  the  Duke  of  Marl- 
borough], you  must  know,  was  very  apt  to  be  choleric. 

"  You  sot  !  "  says  she,  "  you  loiter  about  alehouses  and 
taverns !  spend  your  time  at  billiards,  nine-pins  or  puppet- 
shows  !  or  flaunt  about  the  streets  in  your  new  gilt  chariot  1 
never  minding  me,  nor  your  numerous  family.  Don't  you 
hear  how  Lord  Strutt  has  bespoke  his  liveries  at  Lewis 
Baboon's  shop  !  Don't  you  see  how  that  old  fox  steals 
away  your  customers,  and  turns  you  out  of  your  business 
every  day;  and  you  sit,  like  an  idle  drone,  with  your  hands  in 
your  pockets!  Fie  upon  it  !  Up  man  !  rouse  thyself!  I'll 
sell  to  my  shift,  before  I'll  be  so  used  by  that  knave !  " 

You  must  think  Mrs.  Bull  had  been  pretty  well  tuned 
up  by  Frog  ;  who  chimed  in  with  her  learned  harangue. 

No  further  delay,  now  !  but  to  Counsel  learned  in  the  Law 
they  go!  who  unaminousl}'  assured  them  of  the  justice  and 
infallible  success  of  their  Lawsuit. 

I  told  you  before,  that  old  Lewis  Baboon  was  a  sort  of  a 
"Jack  of  all  trades  "  ;  which  made  the  Tradesmen  jealous,  as 
well  as  Bull  and  Frog.  They  hearing  of  the  quarrel,  were 
glad  of  an  opportunity  of  joining  against  old  Lewis  Baboon, 


fcrt'i!"i7°2;]  The  original  portrait  of  John  Bull.   293 

provided  that  Bull  and  Frog  would  bear  the  charges  of  the 
suit;  even  lying  Ned  the  Chimney-sweeper  \thc  Duke  of 
Savoy],  and  Tom  the  Dustman  [the  King  of  Portugal]  put 
in  their  claims ;  and  the  Cause  [war]  was  put  into  the  hands 
of  Humphry  Hocus  [the  Duke  of  Marlborough]  the 
Attorney  [the  General]. 

A  Declaration  was  drawn  up  to  shew,  that  BuLL  and  Frog 
had  undoubted  right  by  prescription  to  be  drapers  to  the  Lord 
Strutts  ;  that  there  were  several  old  contracts  to  that  purpose  ; 
that  Lewis  Baboon  had  taken  tip  the  trade  of  Clothier  and 
Draper,  without  serving  his  time  or  purchasing  his  Freedom  ;  that 
he  sold  goods,  that  were  not  marketable  without  the  stamp  ;  that 
he  himself  was  more  fit  for  a  bidly  than  a  tradesman,  and  went 
about  through  all  the  country  fairs,  challenging  people  to  fight 
prizes,  wrestling,  and  cudgel-play.  And  abundance  more  to 
this  purpose. 

CHAPTER    V. 

The  true  characters  of  John  Bull,  Nic.  Frog,  and  Hocus. 

pOR  the  better  understanding  of  the  following  History, 
the  reader  ought  to  know,  that  Bull,  in  the  main, 
was  an  honest,  plain-dealing  fellow,  choleric,  bold, 
and  of  a  very  unconstant  temper.  He  dreaded  not 
old  Lewis  either  at  back-sword,  single  falchion,  or  cudgel- 
play;  but  then  he  was  very  apt  to  quarrel  with  his  best 
friends,  especially  if  they  pretended  to  govern  him.  If  you 
flattered  him,  you  might  lead  him  like  a  child  !  John's 
temper  depended  very  much  upon  the  air ;  his  spirits  rose 
and  fell  with  the  weather-glass.  John  was  quick,  and  under- 
stood his  business  very  well :  but  no  man  alive  was  more 
careless  in  looking  into  his  accounts ;  or  more  cheated  by 
partners,  apprentices,  and  servants.  This  was  occasioned 
by  his  being  a  boon  companion,  loving  his  bottle  and  his 
diversion  :  for,  to  say  truth,  no  man  kept  a  better  house 
than  John,  or  spent  his  money  more  generously.  By  plain 
and  fair  dealing,  John  had  acquired  some  "plumbs";  and 
might  have  kept  them,  had  it  not  been  for  this  unhappy 
Lawsuit. 

Nic.  Frog  was  a  cunning  sly  whoreson,  quite  the  reverse 


294  Character  of  Duke  of  Marllorougii.  [{."an^Ky^j: 

of  John  in  many  particulars :  covetous,  frugal,  minded  do- 
mestic affairs:  would  pine  his  belly  to  save  his  pocket ;  never 
lost  a  farthing  by  careless  servants  or  bad  debtors.  He  did 
not  care  much  for  any  sort  of  diversions,  except  tricks  of 
High  German  artistes  and  legerdemain.  No  man  exceeded 
Nic.  in  these.  Yet  it  must  be  owned,  that  Nic.  was  a  fair 
dealer ;  and,  in  that  way,  had  acquired  immense  riches. 

Hocus  [the  Duke  of  Marlborough]  was  an  old  cunning 
Attorney.  What  he  wanted  of  skill  in  law,  was  made  by  a 
Clerk  which  he  kept  [?1,  that  was  the  prettiest  fellow  in  the 
world.  He  loved  money,  was  smooth-tongued,  gave  good 
words,  and  seldom  lost  his  temper.  He  was  not  "  worse 
than  an  Infidel  ";  for  he  provided  plentifully  for  his  family  : 
but  he  loved  himself  better  than  them  all.  He  had  a  terma- 
gant wife  [the  Duchess  of  Marlborough],  and,  as  the  neigh- 
bours said,  "  was  plaguy  henpecked  !  "  He  was  seldom 
observed,  as  some  Attorneys  will  practise,  to  give  his  own 
personal  evidence  in  causes:  he  rather  chose  to  do  it  per  test, 
conduct.  In  a  word,  the  man  was  very  well  for  an  Attorney 
[General]. 

CHAPTER    VI. 

Of  the  various  success  of  the  Lawsuit. 

Aw  is  a  bottomless  pit !    It  is  a  cormorant,  a  harpy 

that  devours  everything  !  " 

John  Bull  was  flattered  by  his  lawyers  that 

his  suit  would  not  last  above  a  year  or  two,  at 
most ;  that  before  that  time  he  would  be  in  quiet  possession 
of  his  business;  yet  ten  long  years  did  Hocus  steer  his  Cause 
[the  war]  through  all  the  meanders  of  the  Law,  and  all  the 
Courts:  no  skill,  no  address  was  wanting.  And,  to  say 
truth,  John  did  not  starve  the  cause.  There  wanted  not 
"  yellow  boys "  to  fee  Counsel,  hire  witnesses,  and  bribe 
juries.  Lord  Strutt  was  generally  cast,  never  had  one 
verdict  [victory]  in  his  favour :  and  John  was  promised,  that 
the  Next,  and  the  Next,  would  be  the  final  Determination.  But, 
alas,  that  final  Determination  and  happy  conclusion  were 
like  an  enchanted  island :  the  nearer  John  came  to  it,  the 
further  it  went  from  him.  New  trials  upon  new  points  still 
arose!  new  doubts,  new  matters  to  be  cleared!     In  short, 


Arbulhnot 
Parti 


"°'J  English  victories  &  French  prostration.  295 


lawyers  seldom  part  with  so  good  a  cause,  till  they  have  got 
the  oyster,  and  their  clients  the  shell. 

John's  ready  money,  book  debts,  bonds,  mortgages,  all 
went  into  the  lawyers'  pockets.  Then  John  began  to  borrow 
money  on  Bank  Stock,  East  India  Bonds:  and  now  and  then  a 
farm  went  to  pot. 

At  last,  it  was  thought  a  good  expedient  to  set  up  Squire 
South's  [Archduke  Charles']  title,  to  prove  the  Will  forged, 
and  dispossess  Philip,  Lord  Strutt,  at  once.  Here  again 
was  a  new  field  for  the  lawyers  !  and  the  Cause  grew  more 
intricate  than  ever.  John  grew  madder  and  madder.  Wher- 
ever he  met  any  of  Lord  Strutt's  servants,  he  tore  off  their 
clothes.  Now  and  then,  you  would  see  them  come  home 
naked,  without  shoes,  stockings,  and  linen. 

As  for  old  Lewis  Baboon,  he  was  reduced  to  his  last  shift, 
though  he  had  as  many  as  any  other.  His  children  were 
reduced  from  rich  silks  to  doily  stuffs.  His  servants  were  in 
rags  and  barefooted  :  instead  of  good  victuals,  they  now  lived 
upon  neck  beef  and  bullock's  liver.  In  short,  nobody  got 
much  by  the  matter,  but  the  men  of  law. 

CHAPTER     VII. 

How  John  Bull  was  so  mightily  pleased  with  his  success, 
that  he  was  going  to  leave  off  his  trade,  and  turn  lawyer. 

T  IS  wisely  observed  by  a  great  philosopher,  that 
"  habit  is  a  second  nature."  This  was  verified  in  the 
case  of  John  Bull,  who,  from  an  honest  and  plain 
tradesman,  had  got  such  a  haunt  about  the  Courts 
of  Justice,  and  such  a  jargon  of  law  words,  that  he  concluded 
himself  as  able  a  lawyer  as  any  that  pleaded  at  the  bar,  or 
sat  on  the  bench. 

He  was  overheard,  one  day,  talking  to  himself  after  this 
manner.  "  How  capriciously  does  Fate  or  Chance  dispose 
of  mankind  !  How  seldom  is  that  business  allotted  to  a  man 
for  which  he  is  fitted  by  Nature  !  It  is  plain  I  was  intended 
for  a  man  of  law  !  How  did  my  guardians  mistake  my  genius, 
in  placing  me,  like  a  mean  slave,  behind  a  counter  I  Bless 
me  !  what  immense  estates  these  fellows  raise  by  the  Law  ! 
besides,  it  is  the  profession  of  a  Gentleman.    What  a  pleasure 


296   The  Dutch  more  prudent  in  the  war.  [|,-. 


Arbuthnot. 
rt  I.    1712. 


it  is  to  be  victorious  in  a  cause !  to  swagger  at  the  bar ! 
What  a  fool  am  I  to  drudge  any  more  in  this  woollen  trade  ! 
for  a  lawyer  I  was  born,  and  a  lawyer  I  will  be  I  One  is 
never  too  old  to  learn  !  " 

All  this  while,  John  had  conned  over  such  a  catalogue  of 
hard  words,  as  were  enough  to  conjure  up  the  Devil.  These 
he  used  to  bubble  indifferently  in  all  companies,  especially  at 
coffeehouses  ;  so  that  his  neighbour  tradesmen  began  to  shun 
his  company,  as  a  man  that  was  cracked.  Instead  of  the 
affairs  of  Blackwall  Hall,  and  price  of  broad  cloth,  wool, 
bayes ;  he  talked  of  nothing  but  "  Actions  upon  the  Case, 
Returns,  Capias,  Alias  capias,  Demurrers,  Venire  facias, 
Replevins,  Supersedeas,  Ceriioraris,  Writs  of  Error,  Actions 
of  Trover  and  Conversion,  Trespasses,  Precipes  et  Dedinms." 

This  was  matter  of  jest  to  the  learned  in  law.  However, 
Hocus  and  the  rest  of  the  tribe,  encouraged  John  in  his 
fancy;  assuring  him,  that  he  had  a  great  genius  for  law  ;  that 
they  questioned  not  but,  in  time,  he  might  raise  money  enough 
by  it,  to  reimburse  him  of  all  his  charges ;  that  if  he  studied, 
he  would  undoubtedly  arrive  to  the  dignity  of  a  Lord  Chief 
Justice.  As  for  the  advice  of  honest  friends  and  neighbours, 
John  despised  it.  He  looked  upon  them  as  fellows  of  a  low 
genius;  poor  grovelling  mechanics  !  John  reckoned  it  more 
honour  to  have  got  one  favourable  verdict,  than  to  have  sold 
a  bale  of  broad  cloth. 

As  for  Nic.  Frog,  to  say  the  truth,  he  was  more  prudent : 
for  though  he  followed  his  Lawsuit  closely,  he  neglected  not 
his  ordinary  business  ;  but  was  both  in  Court  and  in  his  shop 
at  the  proper  hours. 


CHAPTER    VIIL 

How  John  discovered  that  Hocus  had  an  intrigue  with  his 
wife,  and  what  followed  thereupon. 

|Ohn  had  not  run  on  a  madding  so  long,  had  it  not 
been  for  an  extravagant  wife  [the  Administration  of 
Lord  GoDOLPHiN],  whom  Hocus  perceiving  John 
to  be  fond  of,  was  resolved  to  win  over  to  his  side. 
It  was  observed  by  all  the  neighbourhood,  that  Hocus  had 


fcrf  l"'''i7I2:]Tory  description  of  a  Whig  Government.  297 

dealings  with  John's  wife,  that  were  not  so  much  for  his 
honour  :  but  this  was  perceived  by  John  a  little  too  late. 

She  was  a  luxurious  jade,  loved  splendid  equipages,  plays, 
treats,  and  balls  ;  differing  very  much  from  the  sober  manners 
of  her  ancestors,  and  by  no  means  fit  for  a  tradesman's  wife. 
Hocus  fed  her  extravagancy,  and,  what  was  still  more 
shameful,  with  John's  own  money  !  It  is  matter  of  fact, 
that  upon  all  occasions,  she  ran  out  extravagantly  on  the 
praise  of  Hocus.  When  John  used  to  be  finding  fault  with 
his  bills,  she  used  to  reproach  him  as  ungrateful  to  his 
greatest  benefactor !  one  that  had  taken  so  much  pains  in  his 
Lawsuit,  and  retrieved  his  Family  from  the  oppression  of  old 
Lewis  Baboon. 

A  good  swinging  sum  of  John's  readiest  cash  went  towards 
building  of  Hocus's  country-house  [the  Vote  for  the  building  of 
Blenheim].  This  affair  between  Hocus  and  Mrs.  Bull  was 
so  open,  that  all  the  world  were  scandalized  at  it.  John  was 
not  so  clodpated,  but  at  last  he  took  the  hint. 

The  Parson  of  the  parish  [Doctor  Sacheverel]  preaching 
one  day,  a  little  sharply  against  adultery  [Resistance  to  Kings], 
Mrs.  Bull  told  her  husband,  that  "  he  was  a  very  uncivil 
fellow  to  use  such  coarse  language  before  People  of  Condi- 
tion ;  "  that  "  Hocus  was  of  the  same  mind,  and  that  they 
would  join,  to  have  him  turned  out  of  his  living,  for  using 
personal  reflections." 

"  How  do  you  mean,*'  says  John,  "  by  personal  reflec- 
tions ?     I  hope  in  God,  wife,  he  did  not  reflect  on  you  !  " 

"  No,  thank  God  !  my  reputation  is  too  well  established 
in  the  world,  to  receive  any  hurt  from  such  a  foul-mouthed 
scoundrel  as  he  !  His  doctrine  tends  only  to  make  husbands 
[Sovereigns],  tyrants;  and  wives  [Nations],  slaves.  Must  we 
be  shut  up,  and  husbands  left  to  their  liberty  ?  Very  pretty, 
indeed  !  A  wife  must  never  go  abroad  with  a  Platonic  to  see 
a  play  or  a  ball !  she  must  never  stir  without  her  husband,  nor 
walk  in  Spring  Gardens  with  a  cousin!  I  do  say,  husband  ! 
and  I  will  stand  by  it,  that  without  the  innocent  freedoms  of 
life,  matrimony  would  be  a  most  intolerable  state  !  and  that 
a  wife's  virtue  ought  to  be  the  result  of  her  own  reason,  and 
not  of  her  husband's  government.  For  my  part,  I  would 
scorn  a  husband  that  would  be  jealous  !  " 

All  this  while,  John's  blood  boiled  in  his  veins.     He  was 


298  Shrewsbury  tries  to  save  the  Whigs,   [{.anl'^'^y^z*! 

now  confirmed  in  his  suspicions.  Jade  was  the  best  word 
that  John  gave  her. 

Things  went  from  better  to  worse,  until  Mrs.  Bull  aimed 
a  knife  at  John  ;  though  John  threw  a  bottle  at  her  head  very 
brutally  indeed.  After  this,  there  was  nothing  but  confusion. 
Bottles,  glasses,  spoons,  plates,  knives,  forks,  and  dishes  flew 
about  like  dust.  The  result  of  which  was,  that  Mrs.  Bull 
received  a  bruise  in  her  right  side,  of  which  she  died  half  a 
year  after  [the  fall  of  Lord  Godolphin's  Administration,  about 
six  months  after  the  trial  of  Doctor  Sacheverel  in  March, 
1710]. 

The  bruise  imposthumated,  and  afterwards  turned  into 
an  ulcer,  which  made  everybody  shy  to  come  near  her,  she 
smelt  so;  yet  she  wanted  not  the  help  of  many  able 
physicians,  who  attended  very  diligently,  and  did  what  men 
of  skill  could  do  :  but  all  to  no  purpose,  for  her  condition 
was  now  quite  desperate ;  all  regular  physicians  and  her 
nearest  relations  having  given  her  over. 


CHAPTER    IX. 

How  Signior  Cavallo,  an  Italian  Quack,  undertook  to  cure 
Mrs.  Bull  of  her  tdcer. 

Here  is  nothing  so  impossible  in  Nature,  but  mounte- 
banks will  undertake ;  nothing  so  incredible,  but 
they  will  affirm.  Mrs.  Bull's  condition  was  looked 
upon  as  desperate  by  all  Men  of  Art.  Then  Signior 
Cavallo  [the  Duke  of  Shrewsbury]  judged  it  was  high 
time  for  him  to  interpose.  He  bragged  that  he  had  an 
infallible  ointment  and  plaster,  which,  being  applied  to  the 
sore,  would  cure  it  in  a  few  days  ;  at  the  same  time,  he  would 
give  her  a  pill  that  would  purge  off  all  her  bad  humours, 
sweeten  her  blood,  and  rectify  her  disturbed  imagination. 

In  spite  of  all  Signior  Cavallo's  applications,  the  patient 
grew  worse.  Every  day  she  stank  so,  that  nobody  durst 
come  within  a  stone's  throw  of  her;  except  Signior  Cavallo 
and  his  wife,  whom  he  sent  every  day  to  dress  her,  she  having 
a  very  gentle,  soft  hand.  All  this  while,  Signior  apprehended 
no  danger. 


Paft'i'r'iyS  Whig  LEGACIES:  War,  Discord,  Interest.  299 

If  one  asked  him,  "  How  Mrs.  Bull  did  ?  " 

**  Better  and  better  !  "  says  Signior  Cavallo  ;  the  "  parts 
heal  and  her  constitution  mends.  If  she  submits  to  my 
Government,  she  will  be  abroad  in  a  little  time." 

Nay,  it  is  reported  that  he  wrote  to  his  friends  in  the 
country  that  **  she  should  dance  a  jig  [meet  the  Parliament] 
next  October,  in  Westminster  Hall !  that  her  illness  had 
been  chiefly  owing  to  bad  physicians." 

At  last,  Signior,  one  day,  was  sent  for  in  great  haste,  his 
patient  growing  worse  and  worse. 

When  he  came,  he  affirmed  that  "  it  was  a  gross  mistake, 
that  she  was  never  in  a  fairer  way.  Bring  hither  the  salve," 
says  he,  "  and  give  her  a  plentiful  draught  of  my  cordial !  " 

As  he  was  applying  his  ointments,  and  administering  the 
cordial,  the  patient  gave  up  the  ghost :  to  the  confusion  of 
Signior  Cavallo,  and  the  great  joy  of  Bull  and  his  friends. 
Signior  flang  away  out  of  the  house  in  great  disorder,  and 
swore  there  was  foul  play,  for  he  was  sure  that  his  medicines 
were  infallible. 

Mrs.  Bull  having  died  without  any  signs  of  repentance  or 
devotion,  the  Clergy  would  hardly  allow  her  Christian  burial. 

The  Relations  had  once  resolved  to  sue  John  for  murder: 
but  considering  better  of  it,  and  that  such  a  trial  would  rip 
up  old  sores,  and  discover  things  not  so  much  to  the  reputa- 
tion of  the  deceased  ;  they  dropped  their  design. 

She  left  no  Will :  only  there  was  found  in  her  strong  box 
the  following  words  written  on  a  scrip  of  paper.  "  My  curse 
on  John  Bull  and  all  my  posterity,  if  ever  they  come  to  any 
Composition  with  my  Lord  Strutt  !  " 

There  were  many  epitaphs  written  upon  her.  One  was  as 
follows; 

Here  lies  John's  wife. 
Plague  of  his  life  ! 
She  spent  his  wealth  ! 
She  wronged  his  health  ! 
And  left  him  daughters  three 
As  had  as  She  ! 

The  daughters'  names  were  Polemia  [War],  Discordia 
[Discord],  and  UsuRiA  [High  rate  of  Interest]. 


300   A  COMPLIMENT  TO  OuEEnAnNE.  [rin  h^"2?F°eb.^7«: 


CHAPTER    X. 

Of  John  Bull's  second  wife,  and  the  good  advice  that  she 
gave  him. 

Ohn  quickly  got  the  better  of  his  grief,  and  it  being 
that  neither  his  constitution,  nor  the  affairs  of  his 
Family  could  permit  him  to  live  in  an  unmarried 
state  :  he  resolved  to  get  him  another  wife. 

A  cousin  of  his  last  wife  was  proposed ;  but  he  would 
have  no  more  of  that  breed !  In  short,  he  wedded  a  sober 
Country  Gentlewoman,  of  a  good  family,  and  plentiful  fortune 
[Queen  Anne]',  the  reverse  of  the  other  in  her  temper.  Not 
but  that  she  loved  money,  for  she  was  of  a  saving  temper ;  and 
appliecl  her  fortune  to  pay  John's  clamorous  debts,  that  the 
unfrugal  methods  of  his  last  wife,  and  this  ruinous  Lawsuit 
had  brought  him  into. 

One  day,  as  she  had  got  her  husband  into  a  good  humour, 
she  talked  to  him  after  the  following  manner  :  "My  Dear! 
since  I  have  been  your  wife,  I  have  observed  great  abuses  and 
disorders  in  your  Family.  Your  servants  are  mutinous  and 
quarrelsome,  and  cheat  you  most  abominably.  Your  cook- 
maid  is  in  a  combination  with  your  butcher,  poulterer,  and 
fishmonger.  Your  butler  purloins  your  liquor,  and  your 
brewer  sells  you  hogwash.  Your  baker  cheats,  both  in  weight 
and  tale  [number].  Even  your  milk-woman  and  your  nursery- 
maid have  a  fellow  feeling.  Your  tailor,  instead  of  shreds, 
cabbages  [steals]  whole  yards  of  cloth.  Besides,  having  such 
long  scores,  and  not  going  to  market  for  ready  money,  forces 
us  to  take  bad  ware  of  the  Tradesmen,  at  their  own  price. 
You  have  not  posted  your  books  these  ten  years.  [Lord 
GODOLPHIN  car}'ying  War  Credits  over  from  year  to  year,  during 
the  period  of  his  Administration.]  How  is  it  possible  for  a 
man  of  business  to  keep  his  affairs  even  in  the  World,  at  this 
rate?  Pray  God,  this  Hocus  be  honest!  Would  to  God, 
you  would  look  over  his  bills,  and  see  how  matters  stand 
between  Frog  and  you  !  Prodigious  sums  are  spent  in  this 
Lawsuit,  and  more  must  be  borrowed  of  scriveners  and 
usurers,  at  heavy  interest.  Besides,  my  Dear!  let  me  beg  of 
you  to  lay  aside  that  wild  project,  of  leaving  your  business  to 
turn  lawyer :    for  which,    let   me   tell    you,    Nature   never 


pLu^'^sTI^;?^^  Totalling  up  the  War  Credits.  301 

designed  you.  Believe  me,  these  rogues  do  but  flatter,  that 
they  may  pick  your  pocket  !  " 

John  heard  all  this  while,  with  patience,  till  she  pricked 
his  maggot,  and  touched  him  in  the  tender  point.  Then,  he 
broke  out  into  a  violent  passion,  "  What,  I  not  fit  for  a 
lawyer  I  Let  me  tell  you,  my  clodpated  relations  spoilt  the 
greatest  genius  in  the  World,  when  they  bred  me  a  mechanic  ! 
Lord  Strutt  and  his  old  rogue  of  a  grandsire  have  found,  to 
their  cost,  that  I  can  manage  a  Lawsuit  as  well  as  any  other." 

"  I  do  not  deny  what  you  say,"  says  Mrs.  Bull,  "  nor  do  I 
call  in  question  your  parts;  but  I  say  it  does  not  suit  with  your 
circumstances.  You  and  your  predecessors  have  lived  in  good 
reputation  among  your  neighbours  by  this  same  clothing 
trade;  and  it  were  madness  to  leave  it  off!  Besides,  there 
are  few  that  know  all  the  tricks  and  cheats  of  these  lawyers. 
Does  not  your  own  experience  teach  you,  how  they  have 
drawn  you  on  from  one  Term  to  another ;  and  how  you  have 
danced  the  round  of  all  the  Courts,  still  flattering  you  with 
a  final  issue :  and,  for  aught  I  can  see,  your  Cause  is  not  a 
bit  clearer  than  it  was  seven  years  ago." 

"  I'll  be  hanged,"  says  John,  "  if  I  accept  of  any  Com- 
position from  Strutt,  or  his  Grandfather!  I'll  rather  wheel 
about  the  streets  an  engine  to  grind  knives  and  scissors ! 
However,  I  will  take  your  advice,  and  look  over  my  accounts." 


CHAPTER    XI. 

How  John  looked  over  his  Attorney's  bill. 


^I^^Hen  John  first  brought  out  the  bills  [the  War 
iVA^a  C^^^^^^^^y  ^he  surprise  of  all  the  Family  was  unex- 
lAO    pressible,  at  the  prodigious  dimensions  of  them.    In 

'  short,  they  would  have  measured  with  the  best  bale 

of  cloth  in  John's  shop.  Fees  to  Judges,  puisne  Judges, 
Clerks,  Protonotaries,  Philizers,  Chirographers,  Under  Clerks, 
Proclamators,  Counsel,  Witnesses,  Jurymen,  Marshals,  Tip- 
staffs, Cryers,  Porters  ;  for  enrollings,  exemplifications,  bails, 
vouchers,  returns,  caveats,  examinations,  filings  of  words, 
entries,  declarations,  replications,  recordats,  nolle  proseqnis, 
certioraris,  mittimus,  demurrers,  special  verdicts,  informations, 
scire  facias,  supersedeas,  Habeas  Corpus,  coach  hire,  treating  of 
witnesses,  &c. 


302  The  Queen  calls  in  Lord  Oxford,  [pi^t'^'ate.^;!^: 

"  Verily,"  says  John,  "  there  are  a  prodigious  number  of 
learned  words  in  this  Law  ;  what  a  pretty  science  it  is  !  " 

**  Ay,  but  husband  !  you  have  paid  for  every  syllable  and 
letter  of  these  fine  words  !  Bless  me  !  what  immense  sums 
are  at  the  bottom  of  the  account !  " 

John  spent  several  weeks  in  looking  over  his  bills,  and  by 
comparing  and  stating  his  accounts,  he  discovered  that, 
besides  the  extravagance  of  every  article,  he  had  been 
egregiously  cheated  ;  that  he  had  paid  for  Counsel  that  were 
never  fee-ed,  for  Writs  that  were  never  drawn,  for  dinners 
that  were  never  dressed,  and  journeys  that  were  never  made. 

In  short,  that  Hocus  and  Frog  had  agreed  to  throw  the 
burden  of  the  Lawsuit  upon  his  shoulders. 

CHAPTER    XII. 

How  John  grew  angry,  resolved  to  accept  a  Composition  ;  and 
what  methods  were  practised  by  the  lawyers  for  keeping  him  from  it. 

I  Ell  might  the  learned  Daniel  Burgess  say,  that 
"  a  Lawsuit  is  a  suit  for  life  !  "  He  that  sows  his 
grain  upon  marble,  will  have  many  a  hungry  belly 
before  harvest.  This  John  felt,  by  woful  experience. 
John's  Cause  was  a  good  milch  cow  ;  and  many  a  man 
subsisted  his  family  out  of  it. 

However  John  began  to  think  it  high  time  to  look  about 
him.  He  had  a  cousin  in  the  country,  one  Sir  Roger  Bold 
[Robert  Harley,  Earl  of  Oxford];  whose  predecessors 
had  been  bred  up  to  the  law,  and  knew  as  much  of  it  as 
anybody ;  but  having  left  off  the  profession  for  some  time, 
they  took  great  pleasure  in  compounding  lawsuits  amongst 
their  neighbours :  for  which,  they  were  the  aversion  of  the 
Gentlemen  of  the  Long  Robe,  and  at  perpetual  war  with  all 
the  country  attorneys. 

John  put  his  Case  in  Sir  Roger's  hands,  desiring  him  to 
make  the  best  of  it. 

The  news  had  no  sooner  reached  the  ears  of  the  lawyers, 
but  they  were  all  in  an  uproar.  They  brought  all  the  rest  of 
the  Tradesmen  [the  Allies]  upon  John.  Squire  South  [Arch- 
duke Charles]  swore  he  was  betrayed,  that  he  would  starve 
before  he  compounded.  Frog  said  he  was  highly  wronged. 
Even  Ned  the  Chimney-sweeper  [Dtike  of  Savoy]  and  Tom 


kftt^^TzG  Portrait  of  Duchess  of  Marlborough.  303 

the   Dustman   [King  of  Portugal]  complained  that  their 
Interest  was  sacrificed. 

As  for  Hocus's  wife  [the  Duchess  of  Marlborough],  she 
took  a  hackney  chair,  and  came  to  John's  house  immediately; 
and  fell  a  scolding  at  his  wife  [Queen  Anne],  like  the 
mother  of  Beelzebub  !  "  You  silly,  awkward,  ill-bred, 
country  sow,  you  !  Have  you  no  more  manners  than  to  rail 
at  my  husband,  that  has  saved  that  clodpated,  numskulled, 
ninny-hammer  of  yours  from  ruin,  and  all  his  Family  !  It  is 
well  known  how  he  has  risen  early,  and  sat  up  late  to  make 
him  easy  ;  when  he  was  sotting  at  every  alehouse  in  the  town ! 
I  knew  his  last  wife !  She  was  a  woman  of  breeding,  good- 
humour,  and  complaisance  !  knew  how  to  live  in  the  world ; 
but  as  for  you,  you  look  like  a  puppet  moved  by  clockwork ! 
Your  clothes  hang  upon  you  as  if  they  were  upon  tenter- 
hooks ;  and  you  come  into  a  room  as  if  you  were  going  to 
steal  something !  Get  you  gone  into  the  country,  to  look 
after  your  mother's  poultry,  to  milk  the  cows,  churn  the 
butter,  and  dress  up  nosegays  for  a  holiday!  and  meddle  not 
with  matters  that  you  know  no  more  of,  than  the  signpost 
before  your  door !  It  is  well  known  that  my  husband  has 
an  established  reputation  !  He  never  swore  an  oath,  nor 
told  a  lie  in  all  his  life !  He  is  grateful  to  his  benefactors, 
faithful  to  his  friends,  liberal  to  his  dependents,  and  dutiful 
to  his  superiors  !  He  values  not  your  money  more  than  the 
dust  under  his  feet ;  but  he  hates  to  be  abused  !  Once  for 
all,  Mrs.  Mynx  !  leave  off  talking  of  my  husband,  or  I  will 
put  out  these  saucer  eyes  of  yours  !  and  make  that  red 
streaked  country  face  look  as  raw  as  an  ox-cheek  upon  a 
butcher's  stall !  Remember,  I  say,  that  there  are  pillories 
and  ducking  stools  !  "  With  this,  away  she  flang  ;  leaving 
Mrs.  Bull  no  time  to  reply. 

No  stone  was  left  unturned  to  fright  John  from  this  Com- 
position [the  Peace,  finally  settled  by  the  treaties  signed  at  Utrecht, 
on  the  ^ist  March  of  the  next  year  after  this  tract].  Some- 
times they  spread  reports  at  the  coffeehouses,  that  John  and 
his  wife  had  run  mad !  that  they  intended  to  give  up  house, 
and  make  over  all  their  estate  to  old  Lewis  Baboon  !  that 
John  had  been  often  heard  talking  to  himself,  and  seen  in  the 
streets  without  shoes  or  stockings  !  that  he  did  nothing,  from 
morning  to  night,  but  beat  his  servants ;  after  having  been 
the  best  master  alive  !  As  for  his  wife,  she  was  a  mere  natural ! 


J04  Lord  Nottingham  accused  of  trimming.  [].; 


Arbuthnot. 
It  1.    1712. 


Sometimes  John's  house  was  beset  with  a  whole  regiment 
of  Attorneys'  clerks,  bailiffs  and  bailiffs'  followers,  and  other 
small  retainers  of  the  law  ;  who  threw  stones  at  his  windows, 
and  dirt  at  himself  as  he  went  along  the  street. 

When  John  complained  of  want  of  ready  money  to  carry  on 
his  Suit ;  they  advised  him  to  pawn  his  plate  and  jewels,  and 
that  Mrs.  Bull  should  sell  her  linen  and  wearing  clothes  ! 


CHAPTER    XIII. 

How  the  lawyers  agreed  to  send  Don  DiEGO  DiSMALLO  the 
Conjuror,  to  John  Bull,  to  disstiade  him  from  making  an  end 
of  his  Lawsuit;  and  what  passed  between  them. 

Bull.   S^^TBI^^  ^°^^  "^y  S°°^  friend  Don  Uiego  [Daniel 
Finch,  Earl  of  Nottingham]  ? 

Don.  Never  worse !      Who   can  be  easy, 
when  their  friends  are  playing  the  fool  ? 

Bull.  But  then  you  may  be  easy,  for  I  am  resolved  to 
play  the  fool  no  longer !  I  wish  I  had  hearkened  to  you*- 
advice,  and  compounded  this  Lawsuit  sooner. 

Don.  It  is  true,  I  was  then  against  the  ruinous  ways  of 
this  Lawsuit ;  but  looking  over  my  Scheme  since,  I  find  there 
is  an  error  in  my  calculation.  Sol  and  Jupiter  were  in  a 
wrong  House,  but  I  have  now  discovered  their  true  places. 
I  tell  you  I  find  that  the  stars  are  unanimously  of  opinion, 
that  you  will  be  successful  in  this  Cause,  that  Lewis  will 
come  to  an  untimely  end,  and  Strutt  will  be  timed  out  of 
doors  by  his  wife  and  children. 

[The  Satire  here  is  against  Lord  NOTTINGHAM  ;  and  the  Party 
of  the  High  Flyers  or  the  Warm  Gentlemen,  of  which  he  was  one  of 
the  leaders.  He  had,  while  Secretary  of  State,  in  1703,  brought 
Defoe  to  the  Pillory. 

Then  he  went  on  with  a  torrent  of  ecliptics,  cycles, 
epicycles,  ascendants,  trines,  quadrants,  conjunctions.  Bulls, 
Bears,  Goats,  Rams,  and  abundance  of  hard  words ;  which 
being  put  together,  signified  nothing.  John,  all  this  whib. 
stood  gaping  and  staring,  like  a  man  in  a  trance. 

FINIS 


JOHN  BULL 

in  his  SENSES: 

BEING    THE 

SECOND    PART 

OF 

Law  is  a  Bottomless  Pit. 


Printed  from  a  Manuscript  found  in  the  Cabinet 
of  the  famous  Sir  Humphry  Polrsworth. 


LONDON, 

Printed  for  John  Morphew,  near  Stationers' 
Hall,  I  7  I  2.  Price  3d. 


\o7 


THE     CONTENTS. 


Chap.  I.  Mrs.  Bull's  Vindication  of  the  indispensable 
duty  of  ciickoldom  [Resistance  to  Arbitrary 
Power]  incumbent  upon  wives  [Nations]  in 
case  of  tyranny,  infidelity,  or  insujficiency 
of  husbands  [Sovereigns]  :  being  a  full 
Answer  to  the  Doctor's  [Sacheverel] 
Sermon  against  Adidtery  [Resistance  to 
Arbitrary  Power]  p- Z^g 

II.  The  two  great  parties  of  Wives,  the  Devotees 

[High  Church]  and  the  Hitts  [Low  Church]  /».  31 1 

III.  An  account  of  the  Conference  between  Mrs. 
Bull    [Queen    Anne]    and    Don    Diego 

DiSMALLO  [Lord  Nottingham]       p-  2,^^ 

The   Articles   of  Agreement   between   John 

Bull  and  Nicholas  Frog      />•  315 

Nicholas  Frog's  letter  to  Lewis  Baboon, 
Master  of  the  noble  Science  of  Defence p.  3^^ 


3o8 


The  Contents. 


J.  Arbulhnot,  M.D. 
.  Part  II.     i8  Mar.  171a. 


Chap.  IV.  How  the  Guardians  of  the  deceased  Mrs. 
Bull's  three  daughters,  came  to  John  Bull, 
and  what  advice  they  gave  him;  wherein  is 
briefly   treated    the    characters   of   the    three 

daughters        /*•  3 1 8 

Also   John   Bull's   answer   to  the  three 
Guardians      p-  321 


V.  Esquire  South' s  message  and  letter  to  Mrs. 


UULL 


...p.   323 


309 


John  Bull  in  his  Senses. 

CHAPTER     I  . 

Mrs.  Bull's  Vindication  of  the  indispensable  duty  of  cuckol- 
dom  [Resistance  to  Arbitrary  Power]  incumbent  upon  wives 
[Nations]  m  case  of  tyranny,  infidelity,  or  insufficiency  of 
husbands  [Sovereigns]  ;  being  a  full  Answer  to  the  Doctor's 
[Sacheverel]  Sermon  against  Adultery  [Resistance  to  Arbi- 
trary Power]. 

Ohn  found  daily  fresh  proofs  of  the  infidehty 
and  bad  designs  of  his  deceased  wife.  Amongst 
other  things,  one  day,  looking  over  his  Cabi- 
net, he  found  the  following  paper  : 


i^ 

|0 

^Sl 

I'l^ 

^M] 

fM 

^^m 

iiii 

^^ 

^^ 

//  is  evident  that  Matrimony  [Government 
in  a  State]  is  founded  upon  an  Original  Contract, 
whereby  the  wife  snakes  over  the  Right  she  has 
by  the  Law  of  Nature,  in  favour  of  the  husband,  by  which  he 
acquires  the  property  of  all  her  posterity.  But  then  the  obliga- 
tion is  mutual ;  and  where  the  Contract  is  broken  on  one  side, 
it  ceases  to  bind  on  the  other.  Where  there  is  a  Right,  there  must 
be  a  Power  to  maintain  it,  and  to  punish  the  offending  party. 

This  power,  I  affirm  to  be  that  Original  Rtgfit,  or  rather  that 
indispensable  duty  of  cuckoldom  [Resistance  to  Oppression  and 
Arbitrary  Power]  lodged  in  all  wives,  in  the  cases  above  mentioned. 
No  wife  is  bound  [i.  e.,  People  to  any  Sovereign]  by  any  law 
to  which  she  herself  has  not  consented.  All  oeconomical  power 
is  lodged  originally  in  the  husband  and  wife  [Sovereign  and 
People] ;  the  executive  part  being  in  the  husband.  Both  have 
their  privileges  secured  to  them  by  law  and  reason :  but  will  any 
man  infer  from  the  husband's  being  invested  with  the  executive 
power,  that  the  wife  is  deprived  of  her  share,  and  that  which  is 
the  principal  branch  of  it,  the  original  right  of  cuckoldom  [Re- 


3I0A  MARVELLOUS  IrONY  OF  WhIG  rRINCirLES.[p|,-,/^l'l 


buthnot. 

712. 


sistance  to  Arbitrary  Power]  ?  a7id  that  she  has  no  remedy  left 
but  preces  et  lachrymse,  or  an  appeal  to  a  supreme  Court  of 
Judicature  ? 

No  less  frivolous  are  the  arguments  drawn  from  the  general  appel- 
lations and  terms  of  Husband  and  Wife  [Sovereign  and  People]. 
A  husband  denotes  several  different  sorts  of  Magistrates,  according 
to  the  usages  and  customs  of  different  climates  and  countries.  In 
some  Eastern  nations,  it  signifies  a  Tyrant,  with  the  absolute  power 
of  life  and  death.  In  Turkey,  it  dcnoteth  an  Arbitrary  Governor, 
with  power  of  perpetual  imprisonment.  In  Italy,  it  gives  the 
husband  the  power  of  poison  and  padlocks.  In  the  countries  of 
England,  France,  and  Holland,  it  has  quite  a  different  meaning, 
implying  a  free  and  equal  Government :  securing  to  the  wife,  in 
certain  cases,  the  liberty  of  cuckoldom  [Resistance],  and  the 
property  of  pin  money  and  separate  maintenance.  So  that  the 
arguments  drawn  from  the  terms  of  Husband  and  Wife  are  falla- 
cious, and  by  no  7neans  fit  to  stipport  a  tyrannical  doctrine,  as 
that  of  Absolute  unlimited  Chastity  [Passive  Obedience]  and 
conjugal  fidelity. 

The  general  exhortations  to  chastity  in  wives  are  meant  only  for 
rules  in  ordinary  cases;  but  suppose  the  three  conditions  of  Ability, 
Justice,  and  Fidelity  in  the  Husband.  Siich  an  unlimited,  un- 
conditioned fidelity  in  the  Wife  could  never  be  supposed  by  reason- 
able men.  It  seems  a  refection  upon  the  Church,  to  charge  her 
with  doctrines  that  countenance  oppression. 

The  doctrine  of  the  Original  Right  of  cuckoldom  is  congruous  to 
the  Law  of  Nature,  which  is  superior  to  all  human  laws;  and  for 
that,  I  dare  appeal  to  all  wives  I  It  is  much  to  the  honour  of  our 
English  wives  that  they  have  never  given  up  that  Fundamental 
Point;  and  that,  though  informer  Agesthey  were  muffled  up  in  dark- 
ness and  superstition,  yet  that  notion  seemed  engravenon  theirminds, 
and  the  impression  was  so  strong,  that  nothing  could  impair  it. 

To  assert  the  illegality  of  cuckoldom  [Resistance],  upon  any  pre- 
tence whatever,  were  to  cast  odious  colours  tipon  the  married  state, 
to  blacken  the  necessary  means  of  perpetuating  families.  Such 
laws  can  never  be  supposed  to  have  been  designed  to  defeat  the  very 
end  of  matrimony,  the  increase  of  mankind.  I  call  them  necessary 
means,  for  in  many  cases  what  other  means  are  left  ?  Such  a 
doctrine  wounds  the  honour  of  families,  unsettles  the  titles  to  king- 
doms, honours,  and  estates;  for  if  the  actions  from  which  such 
settlements  spring  were  illegal,  all  that  is  built  upon  them  must  be 


pJiu!'T^Mlr^z7^'^    High  Church  and  Low  Church.    311 

so  too :  but  the  last  is  absurd,  therefore  the  first  must  be  so  like- 
wise. What  is  the  cause  that  Europe  groans,  at  present,  under 
the  heavy  load  of  a  cruel  and  expensive  war ;  but  the  tyrannical 
custom  of  a  certain  Nation  [Spain]  and  the  scrupulous  nicety  of 
a  silly  Queen;  whereby  the  Kingdom  might  have  had  an  heir, 
and  a  controverted  succession  might  have  been  avoided  ?  These 
are  the  effects  of  the  narrow  maxims  of  your  Clergy y  "  That  one 
must  not  do  evil,  that  good  may  come  of  it." 

From  all  that  has  been  said,  one  may  clearly  perceive  the  ab- 
surdity of  the  doctrine  of  the  seditious,  discontented,  hotheaded, 
ungifted,  unedifying  Preacher  [Doctor  Sacheverel]  asserting 
that  '*  the  grand  security  of  the  matrimonial  state,  and  the  pillar 
tipon  which  it  stands,  is  founded  upon  the  wife's  belief  of  an  abso- 
lute unconditional  fidelity  to  the  husband,"  By  which  bold 
assertion  he  strikes  at  the  root,  digs  the  foundation,  and  removes 
the  basis  upon  which  the  happiness  of  a  married  state  is  built. 

As  for  his  personal  reflections,  I  would  gladly  know,  who  are 
those  Wanton  Wives  he  speaks  of  ?  who  are  those  Ladies  of  high 
stations  that  he  so  boldly  traduces  in  his  Sermon  ?  It  is  pretty  plain, 
whom  these  aspersions  are  aimed  at !  for  which  he  deserves  the 
pillory,  or  something  worse. 

In  confirmation  of  this  doctrine  of  the  indispensable  duty  of 
cuckoldom  [Resistance],  I  could  bring  the  example  of  the  wisest 
wives  of  all  Ages  ;  who,  by  these  means,  have  preserved  their 
husbands''  families  from  ruin  and  oblivion  :  but  what  has  been 
said,  is  a  sufficient  ground  for  punishing  this  pragmatical  Parson. 


CHAPTER     II. 

The  two  great  parties  of  Wives,  the  Devotoes  and  the  Hitts. 

He  doctrine  of  unlimited  chastity  [non-resistance]  and 
fidelity  in  wives,  was  universally  espoused  by  all 
husbands  [Sovereigns] ;  who  went  about  the  country, 
and  made  the  wives  sign  papers,  signifying  their 
utter  detestation  and  abhorrence  of  Mrs.  Bull's  wicked 
doctrine  of  the  indispensable  duty  of  cuckoldom.  Some 
yielded,  others  refused  to  part  with  their  native  liberty  ; 
which  gave  rise  to  two  great  parties  amongst  the  wives — the 
Devotoes  [High  Church],  and  the  Hitts  [Low  Church] ;  though 
it  must  be  owned  that  the  distinction  was  more  nominal 


312  Talk  of  Mrs.  Bull  and  Don  Dismallo.  [pLvf[i"''j"°a. 

than  real.  For  the  Devotees  would  abuse  freedoms  some- 
times ;  and  those  who  were  distinguished  by  the  name  of 
Hitts,  were  often  very  honest. 

At  the  same  time,  there  was  an  ingenious  treatise,  that 
came  out  with  the  title  of  Good  advice  to  husbands.  In  which 
they  are  counselled  not  to  trust  too  much  to  their  wives' 
owning  the  doctrine  of  unlimited  conjugal  fidelity,  and  so  to 
neglect  family  duty,  and  a  due  watchfulness  over  the  manners 
of  their  wives ;  that  the  greatest  security  to  husbands  was  a 
vigorous  constitution,  good  usage  of  their  wives,  and  keeping 
them  from  temptation  :  many  husbands  having  been  sufferers 
by  their  trusting  too  much  to  general  professions ;  as  was 
exemplified  in  the  case  of  a  foolish  and  negligent  husband 
[James  II.],  who,  trusting  to  the  efficacy  of  this  principle, 
was  undone  by  his  wife's  elopement  from  him  [The  Revolution 
0/1688]. 

CHAPTER    III. 

An  account  of  the  Conference  between  Mrs.  Bull  and  Don 
Diego  Dismallo. 

Don  Diego,  [gjl^  fi^|S  it  possible.  Cousin  Bull  !  that  you 
can  forget  the  honourable  maxims  of 
the  Family  you  are  come  of,  and  break 
your  word  with  three  of  the  honestest, 
best-meaning  persons  in  the  world.  Esquire  South,  Frog, 
and  Hocus,  that  have  sacrificed  their  Interest  to  yours  ?  It 
is  base  to  take  advantage  of  their  simplicity  and  credulity, 
and  leave  them  in  the  lurch  at  last ! 

Mrs.  Bull.  I  am  sure,  they  have  left  my  Family  in  a  bad  con- 
dition. We  have  hardly  money  to  go  to  market,  and  nobody 
will  take  our  words  for  sixpence.  A  very  fine  spark,  this 
Esquire  South  [Archduke  Charles]  !  My  husband  took  him 
in,  a  dirty  boy.  It  was  the  business  of  half  the  servants  to 
attend  to  him,  the  rogue  did  bawl  and  make  such  a  noise  ! 
Sometimes  he  fell  into  the  fire,  and  burnt  his  face;  sometimes 
broke  his  shins  clambering  over  the  benches  :  and  always 
came  in  so  dirty,  as  if  he  had  been  dragged  through  the 
kennel  at  a  boarding  school.  He  lost  his  money  at  chuck-farth- 
ing, shuffle-cap,  and  all-fours  ;  sold  his  books,  and  pawned 
his  linen,  which  we  were  always  forced  to  redeem.  Then  the 


pL'ruir'iyil'l    Hints  that  Holland  has  thriven.     313 

whole  generation  of  him  are  so  in  love  with  bagpipes  and 
puppet-shows  !  I  wish  you  knew  what  my  husband  has  paid 
at  the  pastrycooks  and  confectioners,  for  Naples  biscuit,  tarts, 
custards,  and  sweetmeats.  All  this  while,  my  husband  con- 
sidered him  as  a  Gentleman  of  good  family  that  had  fallen 
into  decay,  gave  him  a  good  education,  and  has  settled  him 
in  a  good  credible  way  of  living  ;  having  procured  him,  by  his 
Interest,  one  of  the  best  places  in  the  country  :  and  what 
return,  think  you  !  does  this  fine  Gentleman  make  us  ?  He 
will  hardly  give  me  or  my  husband,  a  good  word  or  a  civil  ex- 
pression !  Instead  of  plain  Sir,  and  Madam  ;  which  (though 
I  say  it)  is  our  due :  he  calls  us  Goody,  and  Gaffer  such  a  one! 
that  he  did  us  a  great  deal  of  honour  to  board  with  us :  huffs 
and  dings  at  such  a  rate,  because  we  did  not  spend  the  little 
we  have  left,  to  get  him  the  title  and  estate  of  Lord  Strutt; 
and  then,  forsooth  1  we  shall  have  the  honour  to  be  his 
woollen-drapers. 

Don  Diego.  And  would  you  lose  the  honour  of  so  noble 
and  generous  an  undertaking  ?  Would  you  rather  accept  the 
scandalous  Composition,  and  trust  that  old  rogue  Lewis 
Baboon  ? 

Mrs.  Bull.  Look  you,  friend  Diego  !  if  we  law  it  on  till 
Lewis  turns  honest,  I  am  afraid  our  credit  will  run  low  at 
Blackwall  Hall  I  I  wish  every  man  had  his  own  !  but  I  still 
say,  that  Lord  Strutt's  money  shines  as  bright,  and  chinks 
as  well  as  Squire  South's.  I  don't  know  any  other  hold  that 
we  Tradesmen  have  of  these  Great  Folks,  but  their  Interest. 
Biiy  dear,  and  sell  cheap  !  and,  I'll  warrant  ye  !  you  will  keep 
your  customer.  The  worst  is,  that  Lord  Strutt's  servants 
have  got  such  a  haunt  about  that  old  rogue's  shop,  that  it 
will  cost  us  many  a  firkin  of  strong  beer  to  bring  them  back 
again  :  and  the  longer  they  are  in  a  bad  road,  the  harder  it 
will  be  to  get  them  out  of  it. 

Don  Diego.  But  poor  Frog  !  what  has  he  done  ?  On  my 
conscience,  if  there  be  an  honest,  sincere  man  in  the  world, 
it  is  that  Frog! 

Mrs.  Bull.  I  think,  I  need  not  tell  you  how  much  Frog 
has  been  obliged  to  our  Family  from  his  childhood.  He 
carries  his  head  high  now,  but  he  had  never  been  the  man  he 
is,  without  our  help.  Ever  since  the  commencement  of  this 
Lawsuit,  it  has  been  the  business  of  Hocus,  in  sharing  our 


314  Marlborough  iiELriNC  the  Dutch.  fra,tn!''%''Ma;-.V7.^: 

expenses,  to  plead  for  Frog,  "  Poor  Frog,"  says  he,  "is  in 
hard  circumstances.  He  has  a  numerous  family  and  lives 
from  hand  to  mouth ;  his  children  do  not  eat  a  bit  of  good 
victuals  from  one  year's  end  to  the  other ;  but  live  on  salt 
herrings,  sour  curd,  and  bore-cole.  He  does  his  utmost, 
poor  fellow  !  to  keep  things  even  in  the  world,  and  has  exerted 
himself  beyond  his  ability  in  this  Lawsuit :  but  he  really  has 
not  wherewithal  to  go  on.  What  signifies  this  hundred 
pounds  ?  place  it  upon  your  side  of  the  account  1  It  is  a 
great  deal  for  poor  Frog,  and  a  trifle  for  you." 

That  has  been  Hocus's  constant  language,  and  I  am  sure 
he  has  had  obligations  enough  to  us,  to  have  acted  another 
part. 

Don  Diego.  No  doubt  Hocus  meant  all  this  for  the  best ; 
but  he  is  a  tender-hearted  charitable  man.  Frog  is  indeed 
in  hard  circumstances. 

Mrs.  Bull.  Hard  circumstances  !  I  swear  this  is  provok- 
ing to  the  last  degree.  All  the  time  of  the  Lawsuit,  as  fast  as 
we  have  mortgaged.  Frog  has  purchased.  From  a  plain 
tradesman,  with  a  shop,  warehouse,  and  a  country  hut  with 
a  dirty  fishpond  at  the  end  of  it,  he  is  now  grown  a  very  rich 
Country  Gentleman,  with  a  noble  landed  estate,  noble  palaces, 
manors,  parks,  gardens,  and  farms  finer  than  any  we  were 
ever  master  of.  Is  it  not  strange,  when  my  husband  disbursed 
great  sums  every  Term,  Frog  should  be  purchasing  some 
new  farm  or  manor  ?  So  that  if  this  Lawsuit  lasts,  he  will 
be  far  the  richest  man  in  his  country. 

What  is  worse  than  all  this,  he  steals  away  my  customers 
every  day.  I  have  twelve  of  the  richest  and  the  best  that 
have  left  my  shop  by  his  persuasion,  and  whom  to  my  know- 
ledge, he  has  under  bonds  never  to  return  again.  Judge  you, 
if  this  be  neighbourly  dealing  ! 

Don  Diego.  Frog  is  indeed  pretty  close  in  his  dealings, 
but  very  honest !  You  are  so  touchy  and  take  things  so 
hotly;  I  am  sure  there  must  be  some  mistake  in  this  ! 

Mrs.  Bull.  A  plaguy  one  indeed  !  You  know,  and  you 
have  often  told  me,  how  Hocus  and  those  rogues  kept  my 
husband,  John  Bull,  drunk  for  five  years  together,  with 
punch  and  strong  waters  (I  am  sure  he  never  went  one 
night  sober  to  bed),  till  they  got  him  to  sign  the  strangest 
deed  that  ever  you  saw  in  your  life.     The  methods  they  took 


pi-iL^xte.'/;?.:]  Parody  of  The  Barrier  Treaty.  315 

to  manage  him,  I'll  tell  you  another  time:  at  present,  I  only 
read  the  writing  \the,  Barrier  Treaty]. 

Articles  of  Agreement  between  John  Bull,  Clothier, 
and  Nicholas  Prog,  Linejtdraper. 

I.  That  for  maintaining  the  ancient  good  correspondence  and 
friendship  between  the  said  parties,  I,  Nicholas  Frog,  do 
solemnly  engage  and  promise  to  keep  peace  in  John  Bull's 
family  :  that  neither  his  wife,  children,  nor  servants  give  hiin  any 
trouble,  disturbance,  or  molestation  whatever;  but  to  oblige  them 
all,  to  do  their  duty  quietly  in  their  respective  stations.  And 
whereas  the  said  John  Bull,  from  the  assured  confidence  that 
he  has  in  my  friendship,  has  appointed  me  Executor  of  his  last 
Will  and  Testament,  and  Guardian  to  his  children  ;  I  do  under- 
take for  me,  my  heirs  and  assigns,  to  see  the  same  didy  executed 
and  performed,  and  that  it  shall  be  unalterable  in  all  its  parts,  by 
John  Bull  or  anybody  else.  For  that  purpose,  it  shall  be  law- 
ful and  allowable  for  me  to  enter  his  house  at  any  hour  of  the  day 
or  night,  to  break  open  bars,  bolts,  and  doors,  chests  of  draivers  and 
strong  boxes,  in  order  to  secure  the  peace  of  my  friend  John 
Bull's  family,  and  to  see  his  Will  duly  executed. 

II.  In  consideration  of  which  kind  neighbourly  office  of 
Nicholas  Frog,  in  that  he  has  been  pleased  to  accept  of  the 
aforesaid  Trust,  I,  John  Bull,  having  didy  considered  that  my 
friend  Nicholas  Frog  at  this  time  lives  in  a  marshy  soil  and 
unwholesome  air,  infested  with  fogs  and  damps,  destructive  of  the 
health  of  himself,  wife,  and  children,  do  bind  and  oblige  me,  my 
heirs  and  assigns,  to  purchase  for  the  said  Nicholas  Frog, 
with  the  best  and  readiest  of  my  cash,  bonds,  mortgages,  goods  and 
chattels,  a  landed  estate,  with  parks,  gardens,  palaces,  rivers,  fields, 
and  outlets,  consisting  of  as  large  extent  as  the  said  Nicholas 
Frog  shall  think  fit.  And  whereas  the  said  Nicholas  Frog 
is  at  present  hemmed  in  too  closely  by  the  grounds  of  Lewis 
Baboon,  Master  of  the  Science  of  Defence;  I,  the  said  John 
Bull,  do  oblige  myself,  with  the  readiest  of  my  cash,  to  purchase 
and  enclose  the  said  grounds  for  as  many  fields  atid  acres  as  the 
said  Nicholas  shall  think  fit;  to  the  extent  that  the  said 
Nicholas  may  have  free  egress  and  regress,  without  let  or 
molestation,  suitable  to  the  demands  of  himself  and  family . 


3i6  Suggestions  as  to  Dutch  treachery.  p-^p\".frr.''  ^7": 

III.  Furthermore,  the  said  John  Bull  obliges  himself  to 
make  the  country  neighbours  of  NICHOLAS  Frog  allot  a  certain 
part  of  yearly  rents  to  pay  for  the  repairs  of  the  said  landed  estate, 
to  the  intent  that  his  good  friend  NICHOLAS  Frog  may  be  eased 
of  all  charges. 

IV.  And  whereas  the  said  Nicholas  Frog  did  contract  with 
the  deceased  Lord  Strutt  about  certain  liberties,  privileges,  and 
immunities,  formerly  in  the  possession  of  the  said  JOHN  Bull  ;  /, 
the  said  JOHN  BULL,  do  freely,  by  these  Presents,  re^wunce,  quit, 
and  make  over  to  the  said  Nicholas,  the  liberties,  privileges,  and 
immunities  contracted  for,  as  if  they  never  had  belonged  to  me. 

V.  The  said  John  Bull  obliges  himself,  his  heirs  and  assigns, 
not  to  sell  one  rag  of  broad  or  coarse  cloth  to  any  gentleman  within 
the  neighbourhood  of  the  said  NICHOLAS,  except  in  such  quantities 
and  such  rates  as  the  said  Nicholas  shall  think  fit. 

Signed  and  sealed^ 

John   Bull, 
NIC.   Frog. 

The  reading  of  this  paper  put  Mrs.  Bull  in  such  a  passion 
that  she  fell  down  right  into  a  fit,  and  they  were  forced  to 
give  her  a  good  quantity  of  the  Spirits  of  Hartshorn  before 
she  recovered. 

Don  Diego.  Why  in  such  a  passion,  Cousin  ?  Con- 
sidering your  circumstances  at  that  time,  I  don't  think  such 
an  unreasonable  contract.  You  see  Frog,  for  all  this,  is 
religiously  true  to  his  bargain  !  He  scorns  to  hearken  to  any 
competition  without  your  privacy. 

Mrs.  Bull.     You   know  the   contrary,  read   that  letter! 

(Reads  the  superscription.)     For  Lewis  Baboon,  Master  of 
the  noble  Science  of  Defence. 


Understand  that  you  are,  at  this  time,  treating  with 
my  friend  John  Bull,  about  the  restoring  of  the  Lord 
Strutt' s  custom;  and  besides  allowing  him  certain 
privileges  of  parks  and  fishponds.  I  wonder  how  you, 
that  are  a  man  that  knows  the  World,  can  talk  with  that  simple 
fellow  I    He  has  been  my  bubble  [tool]  these  twenty  years ;  and  to 


pmiLl"?"!"]  Nottingham  offended  at  Harley's  power.  3 1 7 

my  certain  knowledge,  understands  no  more  of  his  own  Affairs  than 
a  child  in  swaddling  clothes.  I  know  he  has  got  a  sort  of  a 
pragmatical  silly  jade  of  a  wife  that  pretends  to  take  him  out  of 
my  hands  ;  but  you  and  she  both  will  find  yourselves  mistaken, 
ril  find  those  that  shall  manage  her !  and  for  him,  he  dares  as 
well  be  hanged  as  make  one  step  in  his  Affairs  without  my  consent. 
If  you  will  give  me  what  you  promised  him,  I  will  make  all 
things  easy,  and  stop  the  Deeds  of  Ejectment  against  Lord  Strutt  ; 
if  you  will  not,  take  what  follows!  I  shall  have  a  good  Action 
against  you,  for  pretending  [designing]  to  rob  me  of  my  bubble. 
Take  this  warning  from 

Your  loving  friend, 

Nicholas  Frog. 

I  am  told,  Cousin  Diego  !  you  are  one  of  those  that  have 
undertaken  to  govern  me,  and  that  you  have  said,  you  will 
carry  a  green  bag  yourself  rather  than  we  shall  make  an  end 
of  our  Lawsuit.     I'll  teach  them,  and  you  too,  to  manage  ! 

Don  Diego.  For  God's  sake,  Madam  !  why  so  choleric  ! 
I  say,  this  letter  is  some  forgery  !  It  never  entered  into  the 
head  of  that  honest  man,  Nic.  Frog,  to  do  any  such  thing  ! 

Mrs.  Bull.  I  can't  abide  you  !  You  have  been  railing, 
these  twenty  years,  at  Esquire  South,  Frog,  and  Hocus; 
calling  them  rogues  and  pickpockets  :  and,  now,  they  are 
turned  the  honestest  fellows  in  the  world !  What  is  the 
meaning  of  all  this  ? 

Don  Diego.  Pray  tell  me,  how  you  came  to  employ  this 
Sir  Roger  in  your  Affairs,  and  not  think  of  your  old  friend 
Diego? 

Mrs.  Bull.  So,  so,  there  it  pinches  !  To  tell  you  the 
truth,  I  have  employed  Sir  Roger  in  several  weighty  affairs, 
and  have  found  him  trusty  and  honest ;  and  the  poor  man 
always  scorned  to  take  a  farthing  of  me.  I  have  abundance 
that  profess  great  zeal,  but  they  are  greedy  of  the  pence.  My 
husband  and  I  are  now  in  circumstances,  that  we  must  be 
served  upon  cheaper  terms  than  we  have  been. 

Don  Diego.  Well,  Cousin,  I  find  I  can  do  no  good  with 
you  !  I  am  sorry  that  you  will  ruin  yourself,  by  trusting  this 
Sir  Roger. 


3i8  DEScraPTiONSorWAR  and  Discord.  [iJtn"S.V;!^: 

CHAPTER     IV. 

How  the  Guardians  of  the  deceased  Mrs.  Bull's  three 
daughters,  came  to  John  Bull,  and  what  advice  they  gave  him; 
wherein  is  briefly  treated  the  characters  of  the  three  daughters. 
Also  John  Bull's  answer  to  the  three  Guardians. 

Told  you  in  my  First  Part  \p.  285],  that  Mrs. 
Bull,  before  she  departed  this  life,  had  blessed  John 
with  three  daughters.  I  need  not  repeat  their 
names;  neither  would  willingly  use  any  scandalous 
reflections  upon  young  ladies,  whose  reputations  ought  to  be 
very  tenderly  handled :  but  the  characters  of  these  were  so 
well  known  in  the  neighbourhood,  that  it  is  doing  them 
no  injury  to  make  a  short  description  of  them. 

The  eldest  [IF^i?]  was  as  termagant,  imperious,  prodigal, 
lewd,  profligate  wench  as  ever  breathed.  She  used  to  ranti- 
pole  about  the  house,  pinch  the  kitten,  kick  the  servants, 
and  torture  the  cats  and  dogs.  She  would  rob  her  father's 
strong-box  for  money  to  give  the  young  fellows  she  was  fond 
of.  She  had  a  noble  air,  and  something  great  in  her  mien ; 
but  such  a  noisome  infectious  breath,  as  threw  all  the  ser- 
vants that  dressed  her  into  consumption.  If  she  smelt  the 
fresh  nosegay,  it  would  shrivel  and  wither  as  it  had  been 
blighted.  She  used  to  come  home  in  her  cups,  and  break  the 
china  and  the  looking-glasses ;  was  of  such  an  irregular 
temper,  and  so  entirely  given  to  her  passion,  that  you  might 
as  well  argue  with  the  North  Wind  as  with  her  Ladyship; 
and  so  expensive,  that  the  income  of  three  Dukedoms  was  not 
enough  to  supply  her  extravagance.     Hocus  loved  her  best. 

The  second  daughter  [Discord],  born  a  year  after  her 
sister,  was  a  peevish,  froward,  ill-conditioned  creature  as 
ever  was  born,  ugly  as  the  Devil ;  lean,  haggard,  pale ; 
with  saucer  eyes,  a  sharp  nose,  and  hunchbacked  :  but 
active,  sprightly,  and  diligent  about  her  affairs.  Her  ill 
complexion  was  occasioned  by  her  bad  diet,  which  was 
coffee,  morning,  noon,  and  night  [i.e.,  Discord  fed  on  the  con- 
troversies in  the  Coffeehouses].  She  never  rested  quietly  a- 
bed,  but  used  to  disturb  the  whole  family  with  shrieking  out 
in  her  dreams ;  and  plague  them,  next  day,  with  interpreting 
them  :  for  she  took  them  all  for  Gospel !     She  would  cry  out 


p{jfi'L'i7i2."]  Description  of  High  Rate  of  Interest.  319 

"Murder!"  and  disturb  the  whole  neighbourhood;  and 
when  John  came  running  downstairs  to  inquire  what  the 
matter  was,  "  Nothing,"  forsooth !  *'  only  her  maid  had 
stuck  a  pin  wrong  in  her  gown." 

She  turned  away  one  servant  for  putting  too  much  oil  in 
her  salad,  and  another  for  putting  too  little  salt  in  her  water- 
gruel.  But  such  as,  by  flattery,  had  procured  her  esteem, 
she  would  indulge  in  the  greatest  crimes.  Her  father  had 
two  coachmen  [Prime  Ministers].  When  one  [Harley]  was 
on  the  coach-box,  if  the  coach  swung  but  the  least  to  one 
side,  she  used  to  shriek  so  loud  that  all  the  street  concluded 
she  was  overturned  :  but,  though  the  other  [Godolphin]  was 
eternally  drunk,  and  had  overturned  the  whole  Family,  she 
was  very  angry  with  her  father  for  turning  him  away. 

Then  she  used  to  carry  tales  and  stories  from  one  to 
another,  till  she  had  set  the  whole  neighbourhood  together 
by  the  ears  ;  and  this  was  the  only  diversion  she  took  pleasure 
in.  She  never  went  abroad  but  what  she  brought  home  such 
a  bundle  of  monstrous  lies,  as  would  have  amazed  any 
mortal  but  such  as  knew  her;  of  "a  whale  that  had  swal- 
lowed a  fleet  of  ships"  ;  of  "the  lions  being  let  out  of  the 
Tower,  to  destroy  the  Protestant  religion";  of  "  the  Pope's 
being  seen  in  a  brandy  shop  at  Wapping  "  ;  and  a  "  pro- 
digious strong  man  that  was  going  to  shove  down  the  cupola 
of  St.  Paul's  ";  of  "  three  millions  of  Five  Pound  pieces  that 
Esquire  South  had  found  under  an  old  wall  "  ;  of  "  blazing 
stars,"  "  flying  dragons,"  and  abundance  of  such  stuff. 

All  the  servants  in  the  Family  made  high  court  to  her, 
for  she  domineered  there;  and  turned  out  and  in,  whom 
she  pleased.  Only  tlicre  was  an  old  grudge  between  her 
and  Sir  Roger  :  whom  she  mortally  hated,  and  used  to 
hire  fellows  to  squirt  kennel  water  upon  him,  as  he  passed 
along  the  streets ;  so  that  he  was  forced  constantly  to 
wear  a  surtout  of  oiled  cloth,  by  which  means  he  came  home 
pretty  clean,  except  where  the  surtout  was  a  little  scanty. 

As  for  the  third  [Usury],  she  was  a  thief  and  a  common 
mercenary  prostitute.  In  the  practice  of  her  profession,  she 
had  amassed  vast  magazines  of  all  sorts  of  things.  She  had 
above  five  hundred  suits  of  clothes ;  and  yet  went  abroad 
like  a  cinder-wench.  She  robbed  and  starved  all  the  servants, 
so  that  nobody  could  live  near  her. 


320  Satire  ON  Marlborough's  love  of  money.  [patnLi;^: 

So  much  for  John's  three  daughters;  which  you  will  say 
were  rarities  to  be  fond  of.  Yet  Nature  will  shew  itself! 
Nobody  could  blame  their  Relations  for  taking  care  of  them  ; 
and  therefore  it  was  that  Hocus,  with  two  other  of  the 
Guardians,  thought  it  their  duty  to  take  care  of  the  Interest 
of  the  three  girls,  and  give  John  their  best  advice  before 
he  compounded  the  Lawsuit. 

Hocus.  What  makes  you  so  shy  of  late,  my  good  friend  ? 
There  is  nobody  loves  you  better  than  I,  nor  has  taken  more 
pains  in  your  affairs  I  As  I  hoped  to  be  saved  !  I  would  do 
anything  to  serve  you  !  I  would  crawl  upon  all  fours  to  serve 
you  !  I  have  spent  my  health  and  paternal  estate  in  your 
service  !  I  have  indeed  a  small  pittance  left,  with  which 
I  might  retire,  and  with  as  good  conscience  as  any  man. 
But  the  thoughts  of  this  disgraceful  Composition  so  touches 
me  to  the  quick,  that  I  cannot  sleep.  After  I  had  brought 
the  Cause  to  the  last  stroke,  that  one  verdict  more  had  quite 
ruined  old  Lewis  and  Lord  Strutt,  and  put  you  in  the  quiet 
possession  of  everything  :  then  to  Compound!  I  cannot  bear  it. 

This  Cause  was  my  favourite.  I  had  set  my  heart  upon 
it !  It  is  like  an  only  child,  I  cannot  endure  that  it 
should  miscarry.  For  God's  sake,  consider  only  to  what 
a  dismal  condition  old  Lewis  is  brought !  He  is  at  an  end 
of  all  his  cash;  his  Attorneys  [Generals]  have  hardly  one 
trick  left,  they  are  at  an  end  of  all  their  chicane :  besides, 
he  has  both  his  law  and  his  daily  bread  now  upon  trust. 
Hold  out  one  Term  longer !  and,  I'll  warrant  you  !  before 
the  next,  we  shall  have  him  in  the  Fleet.  I'll  bring  him  to 
the  pillory !  his  ears  shall  pay  for  his  perjuries  !  For  the 
love  of  God,  don't  compound !  Let  me  be  hanged,  if  you 
have  a  friend  in  the  World  that  loves  you  better  than  I !  there 
is  nobody  can  say  I  am  covetous!  or  that  I  have  any  Interest 
to  pursue,  but  yours  ! 

Second  Guardian  [Lord  Godolphin,  the  late  Lord 
Treasurer],  There  is  nothing  so  plain  than  that  this  Lewis 
has  a  design  to  ruin  all  his  neighbouring  Tradesmen ;  and  at 
this  time,  he  has  such  a  prodigious  income  by  his  trade  of 
all  kinds,  that  if  there  is  not  some  stop  put  to  his  exorbitant 
riches,  he  will  monopolize  everything,  and  nobody  will  be 
able  to  sell  a  yard  of  drapery  or  mercery  ware  but  himself. 


Pan II.  1712'.]  Praise  FOR  Mari,borough's  Generalship.  321 

I  therefore  hold  it  advisable  that  you  continue  the  Lawsuit, 
and  burst  him  at  once.  My  concern  for  the  three  poor 
motherless  children  obliges  me  to  give  you  this  advice ;  for  their 
estates,  poor  girls  !  depend  upon  the  success  of  this  Cause. 

Third  Guardian  [Lord  Cowper,  the  late  Lord  Chancellor]. 
I  own  this  Writ  of  Ejectment  has  cost  dear ;  but  then 
consider  it  a  jewel  well  worth  the  purchasing  at  the  price  of 
all  you  have.  None  but  Mr.  Bull's  declared  enemies  can 
say,  he  has  any  other  security  for  his  clothing  trade  but  the 
ejectment  of  Lord  Strutt.  The  only  question  then,  that 
remains  to  be  decided,  is,  Who  shall  stand  the  expenses  of  the 
Suit?  To  which  the  answer  is  plain.  Who  but  he  that  is  to 
have  the  advantage  of  the  sentence  !  When  Esquire  South 
has  got  possession  of  his  title  and  honour,  is  not  John  Bull 
to  be  his  Clothier?  Who  then  but  John,  ought  to  put  him 
in  possession  I  Ask  but  an  indifferent  Gentleman,  who  ought 
to  bear  his  charges  at  Law  ?  and  he  will  readily  answer, 
"  His  tradesmen  I  "  I  do  therefore  affirm,  and  I  will  go  to 
death  with  it !  that  being  his  Clothier;  you  ought  to  put  him 
in  quiet  possession  of  his  estate  !  and  with  the  same  generous 
spirit  you  have  begun  it,  complete  the  good  work  !  If  you 
persist  in  the  bad  measures  you  are  now  in,  what  must  become 
of  the  three  poor  orphans  ?  my  heart  bleeds  for  the  poor  girls  1 

John  BulL  You  are  very  eloquent  persons,  but  give  me 
leave  to  tell  you,  that  you  express  a  great  deal  more  con- 
cern for  the  three  girls  than  for  me.  I  think  my  Interest 
ought  to  be  considered  in  the  first  place. 

As  for  you.  Hocus  !  I  can't  but  say  you  have  managed 
my  Lawsuit  with  great  address  and  much  to  my  honour  :  and, 
though  I  say  it  !  you  have  been  well  paid  for  it  !  Never 
was  Attorney's  bill  more  extravagant  I  and,  give  me  leave  to 
say,  there  are  many  articles  [in  it],  which  the  most  griping 
of  your  profession  never  demanded.  I  have  trusted  you 
with  the  disbursing  of  great  sums  of  money,  and  you  have 
constantly  sunk  some  into  your  own  pocket.  I  tell  you,  I 
don't  like  that  sinking! 

Why  must  the  burden  be  taken  off  Frog's  back,  and  laid 

upon  my   shoulders  ?     He  can  drive  about  his  own   parks 

and  fields  in  his  gilt  chariot ;  when  I   have  been  forced  to 

mortgage  my   estate  !     His  Note  will  go  further  than  my 

X  3 


32  2  John  Bull's  reply  to  the  Guardlvns.  [i4ai.''''l7i2, 

Bond.  Is  it  not  matter  of  fact,  that  from  the  richest  trades- 
man in  all  the  country,  I  am  reduced  to  beg  and  borrow  from 
Scriveners  and  Usurers  [The  National  Debt],  that  suck  the 
heart  and  blood  out  of  me  :  and  what  was  all  this  for  ?  Did 
you  like  Frog's  countenance  better  than  mine  ?  Was  not  I 
your  old  friend  and  relation  ?  Have  I  not  presented  you 
nobly  ?  Have  I  not  clad  your  whole  family  ?  Have  you 
not  had  a  hundred  yards  at  a  time  of  the  finest  cloth  in  my 
shop  ?  Why  must  the  rest  of  the  Tradesmen  be  not  only 
indemnified  from  charges,  but  forbidden  to  go  on  with  their 
own  business,  and  what  is  more  their  concern  than  mine  ? 

As  to  holding  out  this  Term,  I  appeal  to  your  own  con- 
science, has  not  that  been  your  constant  discourse  these  siy 
years, "  One  Term  more,  andold  Lewis  goes  to  pot !  "  If  thou 
art  so  fond  of  my  Cause,  be  generous  for  once  !  and  lend  me 
a  brace  of  thousands.  Ah  Hocus  !  Hocus !  I  know  thee ! 
Not  a  sou,  to  save  me  from  gaol,  I  trow  ! 

Look  ye,  Gentlemen  !  I  have  lived  with  credit  in  the  World  ; 
and  it  grieves  my  heart,  never  to  stir  out  of  my  doors,  but  to 
be  pulled  by  the  sleeve,  by  some  rascally  dun  or  another, 
"Sir,  remember  my  bill  !  "  "There  is  a  small  concern  of  a 
thousand  pounds;  I  hope  you  think  on  it.  Sir!  "  And  to  have 
these  usurers  transact  [sell  and  buy]  my  debts  at  coffeehouses 
and  alehouses  ;  as  if  I  were  going  to  break  up  shop.  Lord  1 
that  ever  the  rich,  the  generous  John  Bull,  Clothier,  the 
envy  of  all  his  neighbours,  should  be  brought  to  compound 
his  debts  for  five  shillings  in  the  pound  ;  and  to  have  his 
name  in  an  advertisement  for  a  statute  of  Bankrupt !  The 
thought  of  it  makes  me  mad  1  I  have  read  somewhere  in  the 
Apocrypha,  that  one  should  not  consult  with  a  woman,  touching 
her  of  whom  she  is  jealous ;  nor  with  a  merchant,  concerning 
exchange  ;  nor  with  a  buyer,  of  selling  ;  nor  with  an  unmerciful 
man,  of  kindness;  &c.  I  could  have  added  one  thing  more. 
Nor  with  an  Attorney,  about  compounding  a  Lawsuit. 

ThisEjectment  of  Lord  Strutt  will  never  do  !  The  evidence 
is  crimp  [concocted]  ;  the  witnesses  swear  backwards  and 
forwards,  and  contradict  themselves  ;  and  his  tenants  [the 
people  of  Spain]  stick  by  him.  If  it  were  practicable,  is  it 
reasonable  that  when  Esquire  South  is  losing  his  money  to 
sharpers  and  pickpockets,  going  about  the  country  with  fid- 
dlers and  buffoons,  and  squandering  his  income  with  hawks 


Parfn."'i7i3  Courteous  allusion  to  Prince  Eugene.  323 

and  dogs,  I  should  lay  out  the  fruits  of  my  honest  industry 
in  a  Lawsuit  forhim,only  upon  thehopesof  being  hisClothier? 
and  when  the  Cause  is  over,  I  shall  not  have  the  benefit  ot 
my  project  for  want  of  money  to  go  to  market ! 

Look  ye,  Gentlemen  !  John  Bull  is  but  a  plain  man  ;  but 
John  Bull  knows  when  he  is  ill  used.  I  know  the  infirmity 
of  our  Family !  We  are  apt  to  play  the  boon  companion  ;  and 
throw  away  our  money  in  our  cups.  But  it  was  an  unfair 
thing  in  you,  Gentlemen  !  to  take  advantage  of  my  weakness; 
to  keep  a  parcel  of  roaring  bullies  about  me,  day  and 
night,  with  huzzas  and  hunting  horns,  and  ringing  the 
changes  on  butchers'  cleavers !  never  to  let  me  cool  !  and 
make  me  set  my  hands  to  papers,  when  I  could  hardly  hold 
my  pen  !  There  will  come  a  Day  of  Reckoning  for  all  that 
proceeding. 

In  the  mean  time.  Gentlemen  !  I  beg  you  will  let  me  look 
into  my  affairs  a  little,  and  that  you  would  not  grudge  me 
a  very  small  remainder  of  a  very  great  estate  ! 


CHAPTER    V. 

Esquire  South's  message  and  letter  to  Mrs.  Dull. 

He  arguments  used  by  Hocus  and  the  rest  of  the 
Guardians  had  hitherto  proved  insufficient.  John 
and  his  wife  could  not  be  persuaded  to  bear  the  ex- 
pense of  Esquire  South's  Lawsuit.  They  thought 
it  reasonable  that,  since  he  was  to  have  the  honour  and 
advantage,  he  should  bear  the  greatest  share  of  the  charges  ; 
and  retrench  what  he  lost  to  sharpers,  and  spent  upon  country 
dances  and  puppet-plays,  to  apply  it  to  that  use.  This  was 
not  very  grateful  [agreeable]  to  the  Esquire  [here  standing  for 
the  Emperor  of  Austria,  the  father  of  Archduke  Charles]. 

Therefore,  as  the  last  experiment,  he  was  resolved  to  send 
Signior  .  Bene-nato,  Master  of  his  Foxhounds  [Prince 
Eugene  of  Savoy,  who  came  to  England  on  this  political  mission 
to  Queen  Anne,  in  jfan.-March,  lyii]  to  Mrs.  Bull,  to  try  what 
good  he  could  do  with  her. 

This  Signior  Bene-nato  had  all  the  qualities  of  a  fine 
Gentleman,  that  were  fit  to  charm  a  lady's  heart ;  and  if  any 
person  in  the  world  could  have  persuaded  her,  it  was  he  ! 


324  Failure  of  Prince  Eugene's  Mission.   [pLvui.""!"!^: 

But  such  was  her  unshaken  fidelity  to  her  husband,  and  the 
constant  purpose  of  her  mind  to  pursue  his  Interest,  that  the 
most  refined  arts  of  gallantry  that  were  practised  could  not 
seduce  her  loyal  heart.  The  necklaces,  diamond  crosses, 
and  rich  bracelets  that  were  offered;  she  rejected  with  the 
utmost  scorn  and  disdain.  The  music  and  serenades  that 
were  given  her,  sounded  more  ungratefully  in  her  ears  than 
the  noise  of  a  screech  owl.  However,  she  received  Esquire 
South's  letter  by  the  hands  of  Signior  Bene-nato,  with  that 
respect  which  became  his  Quality. 

The  copy  of  the  letter  is  as  follows ;  in  which  you  will 
observe,  he  changes  a  little  his  usual  style. 

Madam, 

He  Writ  of  Ejectment  against  Philip  Baboon  pre- 
tended Lord  Strutt,  is  just  ready  to  pass.  There 
want  but  a  few  necessary  forms,  and  a  Verdict 
[victory]  or  two  more,  to  put  me  in  the  quiet  posses- 
sion of  my  Honour  and  Estate.  I  question  not  but  that,  according 
to  your  wonted  generosity  and  goodness,  you  will  give  it  the 
finishing  stroke  :  an  honour  that  I  would  grudge  anybody  hut 
yourself. 

In  order  to  ease  you  of  some  part  of  the  charges,  I  promise  to 
furnish  pen,  ink,  and  paper ;  provided  you  pay  for  the  stamps. 
Besides,  I  have  ordered  my  Steward  to  pay,  out  of  the  readiest  and 
best  of  my  rents,  £5  los.  a  year,  till  my  Suit  is  finished.  I  wish 
you  health  and  happiness,  being 

With  due  respect. 
Madam, 

Your  assured  friend. 

So UTH. 

What  answer  Mrs.  Bull  returned  to  this  letter,  you  shall 
know  in  my  Third  Part  :  only  they  were  at  a  pretty  good 
distance  in  their  Proposals.  For  as  Esquire  South  only  offered 
to  be  at  the  charges  of  pen,  ink,  and  paper ;  Mrs.  Bull  re- 
fused any  more  than  to  lend  her  barge  to  carry  his  Counsel 
to  Westminster  Hall  [the  English  fleets  transporting  the  forces 
to  Barcelona]. 

FINIS, 


JOHN  BULL 

Still 

In  his  SENSES: 

BEING   THE 

THIRD    PART 

O  F 

L  aw  is  a  Bottomless  P  it. 


Printed  from  a  Manuscript  found  in  the  Cabinet 
of  the  famous  Sir  Humphry  Polesworth  : 
and  published  ( as  well  as  the  two  former  Parts) 
by  the  Author  of  the  New  Atlantis. 


LONDON: 

Printed  for  John  Morphew,  near  Stationers' 
Hall,  17 12.  Price  6d. 


Z'^1 


THE    CONTENTS. 


The  Publisher  s  Preface p.   328 

Chap.     I.  The  Character  of  John  Bull's  mother      ...p.   329 

II.  The  Character  of  John  Bull's  sister  Peg, 
with  the  quarrels  that  happened  between  Master 
and  Miss  in  their  childhood p.   331 

III.  Jack's  Charms,  or  the  method  by  which  he 
gained  Peg's  heart p.   333 

IV.  How  the  Relations  reconciled  John  and  his 
sister  PEG  ;  and  what  return  Peg  made  to 
John's  message     p.   335 

V.  Of  some  quarrels  that  happened  after  Peg  was 

taken  into  the  Family    p.   338 

VI.  The  Conversation  between  John  Bull  and 

his  wife p.  340 

VII.  Of  the  hard  shifts  Mrs.  BuLL  was  put  to,  to 
preserve  the  Manor  of  Bullock's  Hatch  ;  with 
Sir  Roger's  method  of  keeping  off  importu- 
nate duns         p.  344 

VIII.  A   continuation  of  the   Conversation   betwixt 

John  Bull  and  his  wife   />•  346 

IX.  A  copy  of  Nicholas  Frog's  letter  to  John 

Bull     p.  352 

X.  Of  some  extraordinary  things  that  passed  at 
the  Salutation  tavern,  in  the  Conference  be- 
tween Bull,  Frog,  Esquire  South,  and 
Lewis  Baboon p-  355 


n. 


328 


The  Publisher  5  Preface, 

[He  World  is  much  indebted  to  the  famous  Sir 
Humphry  Polesworth,  for  his  ingenious  and 
impartial  Account  of  John  Bull's  Lawsuit;  yet 
there  is  just  cause  of  complaint  against  him,  in 
that  he  retails  it  only  by  parcels,  and  won't  give  us  the  whole 
Work.  This  forces  me,  who  am  only  the  Publisher,  to  be- 
speak the  assistance  of  his  friends  and  acquaintance,  to 
engage  him  to  lay  aside  that  stingy  humour,  and  to  gratify 
the  curiosity  of  the  public  at  once.  He  pleads  in  excuse,  that 
"  they  are  only  Private  Memoirs,  written  for  his  own  use,  in 
a  loose  style,  to  serve  as  a  help  to  his  ordinary  conversation." 
I  represented  to  him  the  good  reception  of  the  two  first 
Parts  had  met  [with],  that  though  they  had  been  calculated 
by  him  only  for  the  meridian  of  Grub  street,  yet  they  were 
taken  notice  of  by  the  better  sort ;  that  the  World  was  now 
sufficiently  acquainted  with  John  Bull,  and  interested  in 
his  little  concerns.  He  answered  with  a  smile,  that  *'  he 
had,  indeed,  some  trifling  things  to  impart  that  concerned 
John  Bull's  Relations  and  domestic  affairs :  if  these  would 
satisfy  me,  he  gave  me  free  leave  to  make  use  of  them  ! 
because  they  would  serve  to  make  the  History  of  the  Lawsuit 
more  intelligible." 

When  I  had  looked  over  the  manuscript,  I  found  likewise 
some  further  account  of  the  Composition  ;  which  perhaps  may 
not  be  unacceptable  to  such  as  have  read  the  two  former 
Parts. 


'^t 


CHAPTER    I  . 

The  Character  of  John  Bull's  mother. 

Ohn  had  a  mother  [the  Church  of  Eno^land] 
whom  he  loved  and  honoured  extremely ; 
a  discreet,  grave,  sober,  good-conditioned, 
cleanly  old  Gentlewoman  as  ever  lived. 
She  was  none  of  your  cross-grained,  terma- 
gant scolding  Jades  that  one  had  as  good 
be  hanged,  as  live  in  the  house  with  !  such 
as  are  always  censuring  the  conduct,  and 
telling  scandalous  stories,  of  their  neighbours  ;  extolling  their 
own  good  qualities,  and  undervaluing  those  of  others.  On 
the  contrary,  she  was  of  a  meek  spirit :  and  as  she  was 
strictly  virtuous  herself,  so  she  always  put  the  best  construc- 
tion upon  the  words  and  actions  of  her  neighbours ;  except 
where  they  were  irreconcilable  to  the  rules  of  honesty  and 
decency.  She  was  neither  one  of  your  precise  prudes,  nor 
one  of  your  phantastical  old  belles  that  dress  themselves  like 
girls  of  fifteen  :  as  she  neither  wore  a  ruff,  forehead  cloth, 
nor  high-crowned  hat,  so  she  had  laid  aside  feathers,  flowers, 
and  crimpt  ribbons  in  her  head-dress,  furbelow  [flounce], 
scarfs,  and  hooped  petticoats.  She  scorned  to  patch  [wear 
black  spots  on  the  face]  and  paint;  yet  she  loved  to  keep  her 
hands  and  her  face  clean.  Though  she  wore  no  flaunting  laced 
ruffles,  she  would  not  keep  herself  in  a  constant  sweat  with 
greasy  flannel.  Though  her  hair  was  not  stuck  with  jewels, 
she  was  not  ashamed  of  a  diamond  cross.  She  was  not,  like 
some   ladies,    hung    about   with   toys   and   trinkets,    twiser 


330  Middle  position  of  Church  of  England.  [hnufXil 

[tweezer]  cases,  pocket-glasses,  and  essence-bottles !  she  used 
only  a  gold  watch,  and  an  Almanack  to  mark  the  hours  and 
the  Holy  Days. 

Her  furniture  was  neat  and  genteel,  well  fancied  with  a  bon 
goilt.  As  she  affected  not  the  grandeur  of  a  State  with  a 
canopy,  she  thought  there  was  no  offence  in  an  elbow-chair. 
She  had  laid  aside  your  carving,  gilding,  and  Japan  [japanned] 
work,  as  being  too  apt  to  gather  dirt :  but  she  never  could 
be  prevailed  upon  to  part  with  plain  wainscot  and  clean 
hangings.  There  are  some  ladies  who  affect  to  smell  a  stink 
in  everything;  they  are  always  highly  perfumed,  and  con- 
tinually burning  frankincense  in  their  rooms  [Roman  Catholic 
worship] :  she  was  above  such  affectation ;  yet  she  never 
would  lay  aside  the  use  of  brooms  and  scrubbing  brushes, 
and  scrupled  not  to  lay  her  linen  in  fresh  lavender. 

She  was  no  less  genteel  in  her  behaviour,  well  bred  with- 
out affectation  ;  in  the  due  mean  between  one  of  your  affected 
curtseying  pieces  of  formality  [Nonconformity],  and  your  romps 
that  have  no  regard  to  the  common  rules  of  civility.  There 
are  some  ladies  that  affect  a  mighty  regard  for  their  relations. 
"Wemu^t  not  eat  to-day,  for  my  uncle  Tom  or  my  cousin 
Betty  died  this  time  ten  years!  [Saints  Days]."  "Let  us 
have  a  ball  to-night,  it  is  my  neighbour  Such-a-one's  birth- 
day !  "  She  looked  upon  all  this  as  a  grimace  [mask],  yet 
she  constantly  observed  her  Husband's  birthday  [Christmas 
Day],  her  wedding  day  [?  Whitsunday],  and  some  few  more. 

Though  she  was  a  truly  good  woman,  and  had  a  sincere 
motherly  love  for  her  son  John  ;  yet  there  wanted  not  those 
who  endeavoured  to  create  a  misunderstanding  between 
them  :  and  they  had  so  far  prevailed  with  him  once  [in  the 
time  of  the  Commonwealth]  that  he  had  turned  her  out  of  doors 
[exclusion  of  the  Episcopacy  from  the  House  of  Lords  in  1644] ;  to 
his  great  sorrow,  as  he  found  afterwards,  for  his  affairs  went 
all  at  sixes  and  sevens. 

She  was  no  less  judicious  in  the  turn  of  her  conversation, 
and  choice  of  her  studies,  in  which  she  far  exceeded  all  her 
■sex  [all  other  Churches].  Your  rakes  that  hate  the  company  of 
all  sober  grave  Gentlewomen,  would  bear  hers:  and  she  would, 
by  her  handsome  manner  of  proceeding,  sooner  reclaim,  than 
some  that  were  more  sour  and  reserved  [Nonconformists].  She 
was  a  zealous  preacher  up  of  Chastity  and  Conjugal  Fidelity 


ptu^i"*°°2;]  A  PORTRAIT  [!]  OF  THE  KiRK  OF  SCOTLAND.  ;^^  I 

in  wives  [obedience  and  submission  to  the  King]  ;  and  by  no 
means  a  friend  to  the  new-fangled  doctrine  of  the  "  Indis- 
pensable Duty  of  Cuckoldom  "  [Resistance  to  Arbitrary 
Power],  Though  she  advanced  her  opinions  with  a  becoming 
assurance ;  yet  she  never  ushered  them  in,  as  some  positive 
creatures  do,  with  dogmatic  assertions,  "  This  is  infallible  !  " 
"  I  cannot  be  mistaken  !  "  "  None  but  a  rogue  can  deny  it !  " 
It  has  been  observed,  that  such  people  are  oftener  in  the 
wrong  than  anybody. 

Though  she  had  a  thousand  good  qualities,  she  was  not 
without  her  faults  :  amongst  which,  one  might  perhaps  reckon 
too  great  lenity  to  her  servants ;  to  whom  she  always  gave 
good  counsel,  but  often  too  gentle  correction. 

I  thought  I  could  not  say  less  of  John  Bull's  mother, 
because  she  bears  a  part  in  the  following  transactions. 


CHAPTER     II. 

The  Character  of  John  Bull's  sister  Peg,  with  the  quarrels 
that  happened  between  Master  and  Miss  in  their  childhood. 

Ohn  has  a  sister  [the  Kirk  of  Scotland],  a  poor  girl 
that  had  been  starved  at  nurse.  Anybody  would 
have  guessed  Miss  to  have  been  bred  up  under  the 
influence  of  a  cruel  step-dame,  and  John  to  be  the 
fondling  of  a  tender  mother.  John  looked  ruddy  and  plump, 
with  a  pair  of  cheeks  like  a  trumpeter;  Miss  looked  pale  and 
wan,  as  if  she  had  the  green  sickness  :  and,  no  wonder,  for 
John  was  the  darling!  He  had  all  the  good  bits,  was  cram- 
med with  good  pullet,  chicken,  pig,  goose,  and  capon  :  while 
Miss  had  only  a  little  oatmeal  and  water,  or  a  dry  crust 
without  butter.  John  had  his  golden  pippins,  peaches,  and 
nectarines ;  poor  Miss  a  crab  apple,  sloe,  or  a  blackberry. 
Master  lay  in  the  best  apartment,  with  his  bedchamber 
[England]  towards  the  south  sun  :  Miss  lodged  in  a  garret 
[Scotland],  exposed  to  the  north  wind,  which  shrivelled  her 
countenance.  However  this  usage,  though  it  stunted  the 
girl  in  her  growth,  gave  her  a  hardy  constitution. 

She  had  life  and  spirit  in  abundance,  and  knew  when  she 


332  Dissenting  charms  for  a  State  Kirk.  [partHL^^J^xz. 

was  ill  used.  Now  and  then,  she  would  seize  upon  John's 
commons,  snatch  a  leg  of  a  pullet  or  a  bit  of  good  beef:  for 
which  they  were  sure  to  go  to  fisticuffs.  Master  was  indeed 
too  strong  for  her,  but  Miss  would  not  yield  in  the  least 
point  ;  but  even  when  Master  had  got  her  down,  she  would 
scratch  and  bite  like  a  tiger.  When  he  gave  her  a  cuff  on 
the  ear,  she  would  prick  him  with  her  knitting  needle.  John 
brought  a  great  chain,  one  day,  to  tie  her  to  the  bed-post : 
for  which  affront.  Miss  aimed  a  penknife  at  his  heart.  In 
short,  these  quarrels  grew  up  to  rooted  aversions.  They  gave 
one  another  nicknames.  She  called  him  "  Gundy-guts  !  " 
and  he  called  her  "  Lousy  Peg  !  " 

Though  the  girl  was  a  tight  clever  wench,  as  any  was  : 
and,  through  her  pale  looks,  you  might  discern  spirit  and 
vivacity,  which  made  her,  not  indeed  a  perfect  beauty,  but 
something  that  was  agreeable. 

It  was  barbarous  in  parents,  not  to  take  notice  of  these 
early  quarrels,  and  make  them  live  better  together  :  such 
domestic  feuds  proving  afterwards  the  occasions  of  misfor- 
tunes to  them  both. 

Peg  had  indeed  some  odd  humours  and  comical  antipathy ; 
for  which  John  would  jeer  her.  "  What  do  you  think  of  my 
sister  Peg,"  says  he,  "  that  faints  at  the  sound  of  an  organ  1 
and  yet  will  dance  and  frisk  at  the  noise  of  a  bagpipe  ?  " 

**  What  is  that  to  you.  Gundy-guts  ! "  quoth  Peg, 
"  everybody  is  to  choose  their  own  music  !  " 

Then  Peg  had  taken  a  fancy,  not  to  say  her  Paternoster ; 
which  made  people  imagine  strange  things  of  her. 

Of  the  three  brothers  that  have  made  such  a  clutter  in  the 
world.  Lord  Peter,  Martin,  and  Jack  [the  names  by  which 
Swift  in  his  Tale  of  a  Tub  distinguished  the  Roman  Catholics, 
the  Church  of  England,  and  the  Fanatics  (Dissenters)],  Jack  had, 
of  late,  been  her  inclination.  Lord  Peter  she  detested,  nor 
did  Martin  stand  much  better  in  her  good  graces ;  but  Jack 
had  found  the  way  to  her  heart.  I  have  often  admired 
[wondered]  what  charms  she  discovered  in  that  awkward 
booby !  till  I  talked  with  a  person  that  was  acquainted  with 
the  intrigue,  who  gave  me  the  following  account  of  it. 


Parlin?io  April^7"-]  ^  PARODY  OF  PrESBYTERIAN  MANNERS.  ^^^ 

CHAPTER    III. 

Jack's  Charms,  or  the  method  by  which  he  gained  Peg's  heart. 

N  THE  first  place,  Jack  [the  Fanatics  (Dissenters)]  was 

a  very  young  fellow,  by  much  the  youngest  of  the 

three   brothers  ;  and  people  indeed  wondered  how 

such  a   young  upstart  jackanapes    [puppy]    should 

grow  so  pert  and  saucy,  and  take  so  much  upon  him. 

2.  Jack  bragged  of  greater  abilities  than  other  men.  He 
was  well  gifted  !  as  he  pretended.  I  need  not  tell  you,  what 
secret  influence  that  has  upon  the  ladies. 

3.  Jack  had  a  most  scandalous  tongue,  and  persuaded  Peg 
that  all  mankind  besides  himself  was  diseased  by  that  scar- 
let-faced whore,  Signiora  Bubonia  [the  Pope].  "As  for  his 
brother,  Lord  Peter  ;  the  tokens  were  evident  in  him, 
blotches,  scabs,  and  the  corona  [the  tonsure]  !  His  brother 
Martin,  though  he  was  not  quite  so  bad,  had  some  nocturnal 
pains  ;  which  his  friends  pretended  were  only  scorbutical, 
but  he  was  sure  proceeded  from  a  worse  cause." 

By  such  malicious  insinuations,  he  had  possessed  [persuaded] 
the  lady,  that  he  was  the  only  man  in  the  world  of  a  sound 
pure  and  untainted  Constitution ;  though  there  were  some 
that  stuck  not  to  say,  that  Signiora  Bubonia  and  Jack  railed 
at  one  another,  only  the  better  to  hide  an  intrigue  ;  and  that 
Jack  had  been  found  with  Signiora  under  his  cloak,  carrying 
her  home  in  a  dark  stormy  night. 

4.  Jack  was  a  prodigious  ogler.  He  would  ogle  you  the 
outside  of  his  eye  inward,  and  the  white  upward  I 

5.  Jack  gave  himself  out  for  a  man  of  great  estate  in  the 
Fortunate  Islands  [Heaven],  of  which  the  sole  property  was 
vested  in  his  person.  By  this  trick,  he  cheated  abundance 
of  poor  people  of  small  sums,  pretending  to  make  over  plan- 
tations in  the  said  Islands  :  but  when  the  poor  wretches 
came  there  with  Jack's  Grant,  they  were  beaten,  mocked, 
and  turned  out  of  doors. 

6.  I  told  you  that  Peg  was  whimsical,  and  loved  anything 
that  was  particular  [peculiar].  In  that  way.  Jack  was  her 
man  !  for  he  neither  thought,  spoke,  dressed,  nor  acted  like 
other  mortals.     He  was  for  your  **  bold  strokes  "  !     He  railed 


334  ^  Churchman  mocking  at  the  Kirk.  [partm."'i"x2. 

at  fops,  though  himself  the  most  aifected  in  the  World;  in- 
stead of  the  common  fashion,  he  would  visit  his  mistress  in  a 
mourning  cloak,  band,  short  cuffs,  and  a  peaked  beard.  He  in- 
vented a  way  of  coming  into  a  room  backwards,  which  he  said 
"  shewed  more  humility  and  less  affectation."  Where  other 
people  stood,  he  sat  [in  singing] ;  where  they  sat,  he  stood  [in 
prayer].  When  he  went  to  Court,  he  used  to  kick  away  the 
State,  and  sit  down  by  his  Prince,  cheek  by  jowl.  "  Confound 
these  States,"  says  he,  "  they  are  a  modern  invention  !  " 

When  he  spoke  to  his  Prince,  he  always  turned  his  back 
upon  him.  If  he  were  advised  to  fast  for  his  health,  he 
would  eat  roast  beef.  If  he  was  allowed  a  more  plentiful 
diet ;  then  he  would  be  sure,  that  day !  to  live  upon  water- 
gruel.  He  would  cry  at  a  wedding,  and  laugh  and  make 
jests  at  a  funeral. 

He  was  no  less  singular  in  his  opinions.  You  would  have 
burst  your  sides,  to  hear  him  talk  politics.  "  All  Government," 
says  he,  "  is  founded  upon  the  right  distribution  of  punish- 
ments ;  decent  executions  keep  the  world  in  awe  :  for  that 
reason,  the  majority  of  mankind  ought  to  be  hanged  every 
year  !  For  example,  I  suppose  the  Magistrate  ought  to  pass 
an  irreversible  sentence  upon  all  blue-eyed  children  from  the 
cradle  [Predestination]  :  but  that  there  may  be  some  shew  of 
justice  in  this  proceeding,  these  children  ought  to  be  trained 
up  by  masters  appointed  for  that  purpose,  to  all  sorts  of  vil- 
lainy, that  they  may  deserve  their  fate;  and  the  execution  of 
them  may  serve  as  an  object  of  terror  to  the  rest  of  mankind." 

As  to  giving  pardons,  he  has  this  singular  method  : 

That  when  the  wretches  had  the  ropes  about  their  necks, 
it  should  be  inquired  [of  them]  Who  believed  they  should  be 
hanged  ?  and  Who  not  ?  The  first  were  to  be  pardoned,  the 
latter  hanged  outright.  Such  as  were  once  pardoned,  were 
never  to  be  hanged  afterwards,  for  any  crime  whatever. 

He  had  such  skill  in  physiognomy,  that  he  would  pro- 
nounce, peremptorily,  upon  a  man's  face.  "  That  fellow," 
says  he,  "  do  what  he  will,  cannot  avoid  hanging!  He  has 
a  hanging  look  !  "  By  the  same  Art,  he  would  prognosticate 
a  Principality  to  a  scoundrel. 

He  was  no  less  particular  in  the  choice  of  his  studies. 
They  were  generally  bent  toward  exploded  Chimeras,  the 
perpetunm  mobile,  the  circular  shot,  philosopher's  stone,  and 


par/iiL^xoApi^'?;?.:]  Union  OF  England  AND  Scotland.  3  :;5 

silent  gunpowder  ;  making  chains  for  fleas,  nets  for  flies,  and 
instruments  to  unravel  cobwebs  and  split  hairs. 

Thus  I  think  I  have  given  you  a  distinct  account  of  the 
methods  he  practised  upon  Peg. 

Her  brother  would,  now  and  then,  ask  her,  "What  a  Devil  ! 
dost  thou  see  in  that  pragmatical  [busybody  of  a]  coxcomb,  to 
make  thee  so  in  love  with  him  ?  He  is  a  fit  match  for  a 
tailor's  or  a  shoemaker's  daughter  ;  but  not  for  you,  that  are 
a  Gentlewoman !  " 

"  Fancy  is  free  !  "  quoth  Peg,  "  I  will  take  my  awn  way, 
do  you  take  yours !  I  do  not  care  for  your  flaunting  beaus 
that  gang  with  their  breast  open,  and  their  sarks  [?  shirts] 
over  their  waistcoats  !  that  accost  me  with  set  speeches  out 
of  Sidney's  Arcadia,  or  The  Academy  of  Compliments  !  Jack 
is  a  sober,  grave  young  man  :  though  he  has  none  of  your 
studied  harangues,  his  meaning  is  sincere.  He  has  a  great 
regard  to  his  father's  Will ;  and  he  that  shews  himself  a  good 
son,  will  make  a  good  husband  !  Besides,  I  know  he  has  the 
original  Deed  of  Conveyance  to  the  Fortunate  Islands :  the 
others  are  counterfeits  !  " 

There  is  nothing  so  obstinate  as  young  ladies  in  their 
amours ;  the  more  you  cross  them,  the  worse  they  are ! 


CHAPTER    IV. 

How  the  Relations  reconciled  John  and  his  sister  Peg  ;  and 
what  return  Peg  made  to  John's  message. 

Ohn  Bull,  otherwise  a  good-natured  man,  was  very 
hard  hearted  to  his  sister  Peg ;  chiefly  from  an 
aversion  he  had  conceived  in  his  infancy.  While 
he  flourished,  kept  a  warm  house,  and  drove  a 
plentiful  trade  ;  poor  Peg  was  forced  to  go  hawking  and 
peddling  about  the  streets,  selling  knives,  scissors,  and  shoe- 
buckles;  now  and  then  carried  a  basket  of  fish  to  the  market; 
sewed,  span,  and  knitted  for  a  poor  livelihood  till  her  fingers' 
ends  were  sore.  And  when  she  could  not  get  bread  for  her 
family,  she  was  forced  to  hire  them  out  at  journeywork  to 
their  neighbours  [the  emigration  of  the  Scotch  to  other  countries]. 
Yet  in  these,  her  poor  circumstances,  she  still  preserved  the 


336  The  necessity  for  Peg's  consent.  [pLvfm.'iyi"^ 

air  and  mien  of  a  Gentlewoman,  a  certain  decent  pride  that 
extorted  respect  from  the  haughtiest  of  her  neighbours. 
When  she  came  into  any  full  assembly,  she  would  not  yield 
the  pas  to  the  best  of  them  !  If  one  asked  her,  "  Are  not  you 
related  to  John  Bull  ?  "  **  Yes,"  says  she,  **  he  has  the 
honour  to  be  my  brother  !  " 

So  Peg's  affairs  went  on,  till  all  the  Relations  cried  out 
"  Shame  !  "  on  John,  for  his  barbarous  usage  of  his  own  flesh 
and  blood  :  that  it  was  an  easy  matter  for  him  to  put  her  in 
a  creditable  way  of  living,  not  only  without  hurt,  but  with 
advantage  to  himself;  she  being  an  industrious  person,  and 
might  be  serviceable  to  him  in  his  way  of  business. 

*'  Hang  her  !  Jade  !  "  quoth  John,  "  I  cannot  endure  her, 
as  long  as  she  keeps  that  rascal  Jack's  company  1  " 

They  told  him  the  way  to  reclaim  her  was  to  take  him 
into  his  house  [the  Act  of  Toleration  in  1689],  that  by  conver- 
sation, the  childish  humours  of  their  younger  days  might  be 
worn  out. 

These  arguments  were  enforced  by  a  certain  incident.  It 
happened  that  John  was,  at  that  time,  making  his  Will 
[the  Act  of  Settlement  in  1700],  the  very  same  in  which  Nl(  . 
Frog  is  named  Executor.  Now  his  sister  Peg's  name  being 
in  the  entail  {the  right  of  the  Succession  to  the  Scottish  Crown,  if 
Queen  Anne  should  die  childless],  he  could  not  make  a  thorough 
Settlement  without  her  consent. 

There  was  indeed  a  malicious  story  went  about,  as  if  John's 
last  Wife  [the  Godolphin  Administration]  had  fallen  in  love 
with  Jack,  as  he  was  eating  custards  on  horseback  ;*  that  she 
persuaded  John  to  take  his  sister  Peg  into  the  house,  the 
better  to  drive  on  her  intrigue  with  Jack,  concluding  he 
would  follow  his  Mistress,  Peg.  All  I  can  infer  from  this 
story  is,  that  when  one  has  got  a  bad  character  in  the  World, 

*  [Dean  Swift  in  the  Fifth  edition  of  the  Tate  of  a  Tub,  p.  133,  17 10, 
has  in  the  Text] 

How  Jack's  tatters  came  into  fashion  in  Court  and  City. 
How  he  got  upon  a  great  horse,  and  eat  custard. 

[And  in  the  notes  to  the  same] 

Sir  Humphry  Edwyn,  a  Presbyterian,  was  some  years  ago  [1697]  Lord 
Mayor  of  London  ;  and  had  the  insolence  to  go  in  his  formahties  to  a 
conventicle,  with  the  ensigns  of  his  office. 

Custard  is  a  famous  dish  at  a  Lord  Mayor's  feast. 


P../nr^X^u;?3;]  TheTermsoftheUn  ION.  337 

people  will  report  and  believe  anything  of  them,  true  or  false. 
But  to  return  to  my  story. 

When  Peg  received  John's  message,  she  huffed  and 
stormed  like  the  Devil ! 

"  My  brother  John,"  quoth  she,  "  is  grown  wondrous  kind- 
hearted,  all  of  a  sudden  !  but  I  meikle  doubt  whether  it  be 
not  m.air  for  his  awn  conveniency  than  my  good  !  He  draws 
up  his  weits  and  his  deeds,  forsooth;  and  I  mun  set  my  hand 
to  them  unsight  unseen  !  I  like  the  young  man  [the  House  of 
Hanover]  he  has  settled  upon  well  enough  ;  but  I  think  I 
ought  to  have  a  valuable  consideration  for  my  consent.  He 
wants  my  poor  little  farm  [Scotland],  because  it  makes  a  nook 
in  his  park  wall  [Great  Britain],  Ye  may  e'en  tell  him,  he 
has  mair  than  he  makes  good  use  of!  He  gangs  up  and 
down  drinking,  roaring,  and  quarrelling  through  all  the 
country  markets  !  making  foolish  bargains  in  his  cups,  which 
he  repents  when  he  is  sober !  like  a  thriftless  wretch,  spend- 
ing the  goods  and  gear  that  his  forefathers  wan  with  the 
sweat  of  their  brows !  '  light  come,  light  go,'  he  cares  not  a 
farthing !  But  why  should  I  stand  surety  for  his  silly  con- 
tracts ?  The  little  I  have  is  free,  and  I  can  call  it  my  own  ! 
'  Hame's  hame,  be  it  never  so  hamely ! '  I  ken  him  well 
enough  !  he  could  never  abide  me  :  and  when  he  has  his  ends, 
he'll  e'en  use  me  as  he  did  before  !  I  am  sure  I  shall  be 
treated  like  a  poor  drudge  !  I  shall  be  set  to  tend  the  bairns, 
darn  the  hose,  and  mend  the  linen  ! 

"Then  there's  no  living  with  that  old  carline  [?  thistle]  his 
mother !  She  rails  at  Jack,  and  Jack  is  an  honester  man 
than  any  of  her  kin  !  I  shall  be  plagued  with  her  spells  and 
Paternosters,  and  silly  auld  warld  Ceremonies  !  I  mun  never 
pair  my  nails  on  a  Friday,  nor  begin  a  journey  on  Childermass 
[Christmas]  Day !  and  I  mun  stand  becking  and  hinging 
[bowing  and  scraping]  as  I  gang  out  and  into  the  hall  [Church]. 

"  Tell  him  he  may  e'en  gan  his  gait !  I'll  have  nothing  to 
do  with  him  !  I'll  stay,  like  the  poor  country  mouse,  in  my 
own  habitation  !  " 

So  Peg  talked.  But  for  all  that,  by  the  interposition  of  good 
friends ;  and  b}'  many  a  bonny  thing  that  was  sent,  and  many 
more  that  was  promised  Peg,  the  matter  was  concluded  :  and 
Peg  was  taken  into  the  House,  upon  certain  Articles  [Act  of 
Union  between  England  and  Scotland,  1707J  one  of  which 
V  3 


338  The  Dissenters  striving  for  power.  [^a^tm'XnUrra. 

That  she  might  have  the  freedom  of  Jack's  conversation,  and 
might  take  him  for  better  and  for  worse,  if  she  pleased ;  provided 
always,  he  did  not  come  into  the  house  at  unseasonable  hours  ;  and 
disturb  the  rest  of  the  old  woman,  John's  mother. 


CHAPTER    V. 

Of  some  quarrels  that  happened  after  Peg  was  taken  into  the 
Family. 

T  IS  an  old  observation,  that  the  quarrels  of  relations 
are  harder  to  reconcile  than  any  other ;  injuries 
from  friends  fret  and  gall  more,  and  the  memory  of 
'  them  is  not  so  easily  obliterated.  This  is  cunningly 
represented  by  one  of  your  old  sages,  called  Esop,  in  the  story 
of  the  bird  that  was  grieved  extremely  for  being  wounded 
with  an  arrow  feathered  with  his  own  wing ;  as  also  of  the 
oak  that  let  many  a  heavy  groan,  when  he  was  cleft  with  a 
wedge  of  his  own  timber. 

There  was  no  man  in  the  world  less  subject  to  rancour 
than  John  Bull,  considering  how  often  his  good  nature  had 
been  abused  :  yet  I  don't  know  but  he  was  too  apt  to  hearken 
to  tattling  people  that  carried  tales  between  him  and  his 
sister  Peg,  on  purpose  to  sow  jealousies  and  set  them  together 
by  the  ears. 

They  say,  that  there  were  some  hardships  put  upon  Peg, 
that  had  been  better  let  alone;  but  it  was  the  business  of 
good  people  to  restrain  the  injuries  on  one  side,  and  moderate 
the  resentments  on  the  other.  A  good  friend  acts  both  parts ; 
the  one  without  the  other  will  not  do ! 

The  purchase  money  of  Peg's  farm  was  ill  paid.  Then 
Peg  loved  a  little  good  liquor,  and  the  servants  shut  up  the 
wine  cellar :  but  for  that  Peg  found  a  trick ;  for  she  made  a 
false  key  [Occasional  Conformity].  Peg's  servants  complained 
that  they  were  debarred  from  all  manner  of  business,  and 
never  suffered  to  touch  the  least  thing  within  the  house.  If 
they  offered  t®  come  into  the  warehouse,  then  straight  went 
the  yard  [measuring  rod]  slap  over  their  noddle  !  If  they 
ventured  into  the  counting-house,  a  fellow  would  throw  an 
ink-bottle  at  their  head  !     If  they  came  into  the  best  apart- 


Pirtni."'i7°2."]  Reactionary  ^CT^s- AGAINST  Dissenters.  339 

ment,  to  set  anything  there  in  order;  theywere  saluted  with 
a  broom  !  If  they  meddled  with  anything  in  the  kitchen,  it 
was  odds  but  the  cook  laid  them  over  the  pate  with  a  ladle  ! 
One  that  would  have  gone  into  the  stables,  was  met  by  two 
rascals,  who  fell  to  work  with  him,  with  a  brush  and  a  curry 
comb!  Some  climbing  up  into  the  coach  box,  were  told 
that  "one  of  their  companions  had  been  there  before,  that 
could  not  drive !"  then  slap  went  the  long  whip  about  their 
ears! 

On  the  other  hand,  it  was  complained  that  Peg's  servants 
were  always  asking  for  drink  money  !  that  they  had  more 
than  their  share  of  the  Christmas  Box.  To  say  the  truth. 
Peg's  lads  bustled  pretty  hard  for  that  :  for  when  they  were 
endeavouring  to  lock  it  up,  they  got  in  their  great  fists,  and 
pulled  out  handfuls  of  half-crowns,  some  shillings  and  six- 
pences ;  others  in  the  scramble  picked  up  guineas  and  broad 
pieces. 

But  there  happened  a  worse  thing  than  this.  It  was  com- 
plained that  Peg's  servants  had  great  stomachs  [Fanatics 
(Dissenters)  getting  into  places  of  trust],  and  brought  too 
many  of  their  friends  and  acquaintance  to  the  table,  that 
John's  family  was  likeTly]  to  be  eaten  out  of  house  and 
home. 

Instead  of  regulating  this  matter  as  it  ought  to  be.  Peg's 
young  men  were  thrust  from  the  table  [Fanatics  excluded  by 
the  passing  of  the  Occasional  Conformity  Act,  in  1711].  Then 
there  was  the  Devil  and  all  to  do  !  spoons,  plates  and  dishes 
Hew  about  the  room  like  mad ;  and  Sir  Roger  [Robert 
Harley],  who  was  now  Major  Domo,  had  enough  to  do  to 
quiet  them. 

Peg  said  this  was  contrary  to  agreement,  whereby  she 
was,  in  all  things,  to  be  treated  like  a  child  of  the  family. 
Then  she  called  upon  those  that  had  made  her  such  fair 
promises,  and  undertook  for  her  brother  John's  good  be- 
haviour; but,  alas,  to  her  cost,  she  found  that  they  were  the 
first  and  readiest  to  do  her  the  injury. 

John,  at  last,  agreed  to  this  regulation,  that  Peg's  footmen 
might  sit  with  his  book-keeper,  journeymen,  and  apprentices; 
and  Peg's  better  sort  of  servants  might  sit  with  his  footmen, 
if  they  pleased. 

Then,  they  began  to  order  plum-porridge  and  minced  pies 


340  John  Bull's  story  of  the  War.  [pan^firi^XS 

for  Peg's  dinner  [the  Act  0/1712,  restoring  the  ancient  rights 
of  Patrons  in  the  bestowal  of  Scotch  ecclesiastical  presentations  ; 
which  had  been,  of  late,  in  the  power  of  the  Kirk] .  Peg  told  them, 
**  She  had  an  aversion  to  that  sort  of  food ;  that  upon  the 
forcing  down  of  a  mess  of  it  some  years  ago,  it  threw  her 
into  a  fit  until  she  brought  it  up  again."  Some  alleged  it 
was  nothing  but  humour,  that  the  same  mess  should  be 
served  up  again  for  supper,  and  breakfast  next  morning : 
others  would  have  made  use  of  a  horn.  But  the  wiser  sort 
bid  let  her  alone,  and  she  might  take  to  it  of  her  own 
accord. 

CHAPTER    VI. 

The  Conversation  between  John  Bull  and  his  wife,  [Queen 

Anne]. 

Mps.  Bull.  l^^gHouGH  our  affairs,  Honey!  are  in  a 
bad  condition  ;  I  have  a  better  opinion 
of  them,  since  you  seem  to  be  con- 
vinced of  the  ill  course  you  have  been 
in,  and  are  resolved  to  submit  to  proper  remedies.  But 
when  I  consider  your  immense  debts,  your  foolish  bargains, 
and  the  general  disorder  of  your  business  ;  I  have  a  curiosity 
to  know,  what  Fate  or  Chance  has  brought  you  into  this 
condition  ? 

John  Bull.  I  wish  you  would  talk  of  some  other  subject. 
The  thoughts  of  it  make  me  mad !  Our  Family  must  have 
their  run  ! 

Mrs.  Bull.  But  such  a  strange  thing  as  this,  never  hap- 
pened to  any  of  your  Family  before  !  They  have  had  Law- 
suits [wars]  ;  but  though  they  spent  the  income,  they  nevei 
mortgaged  the  Stock  [Capital]  !  Sure,  you  must  have  some 
of  the  Norman  or  Norfolk  blood  in  you  :  prithee,  give  me 
some  account  of  these  matters  ! 

John  Bull.  Who  could  help  it  ?  There  lives  not  such  a 
fellow  by  bread,  as  that  old  Lewis  Baboon  !  It  is  the 
cheatingest,  [most]  contentious  rogue  upon  the  face  of  the 
earth ! 

You  must  know,  one  day,  as  Nic.  Frog  and  1  were  over 
a  bottle,  making  up  an  old  quarrel,  the   old  knave   would 


pJin^Tol^u.YJ  The  Treaties  of   Partition.  341 

needs  have  us  drink  a  bottle  of  his  Champagne  :  and  so,  one 
after  another,  till  my  friend  Nic.  and  I,  not  being  used  to 
such  heady  stuff,  got  drunk.  Lewis,  all  the  while,  either  by 
the  strength  of  his  brain  or  flinching  his  glass,  kept  himself 
sober  as  a  judge. 

"  My  worthy  friends,"  quoth  Lewis,  "  henceforth,  let  us 
live  neighbourly  !  I  am  as  peaceable  and  quiet  as  a  lamb,  of 
my  own  temper;  but  it  has  been  my  misfortune  to  live  among 
quarrelsome  neighbours.  There  is  but  one  thing  that  can 
make  us  fall  out,  and  that  is  the  Inheritance  of  Lord 
Strutt's  estate.  I  am  content,  for  peace  sake,  to  waive  my 
right,  and  submit  to  any  expedient  to  prevent  a  Lawsuit.  I 
think  an  equal  division  will  be  the  fairest  way  ! " 

"  Well  moved,  old  Lewis  !  "  quoth  Frog,  "  and  I  hope  my 
friend  John  here,  will  not  be  refractory  !  "  At  the  same 
time,  he  clapped  me  on  the  back,  and  slabbered  me  all  over, 
from  cheek  to  cheek,  with  his  great  tongue. 

"  Do  as  you  please,  Gentlemen! "  quoth  I ;  "  it  is  all  one  to 
John  Bull! " 

We  agreed,  to  part  that  night,  and  next  morning  to  meet 
at  the  corner  of  Lord  Strutt's  park  wall,  with  our  surveying 
instruments:  which  accordingly  we  did  [the  negotiations  for 
the  first  Treaty  of  Partition  in  i6g8]. 

Old  Lewis  carried  a  chain  and  a  semicircle;  Nic,  paper, 
rulers,  and  a  lead  pencil ;  and  I  followed  at  some  distance 
with  a  long  pole. 

We  began  first  surveying  the  meadow  grounds ;  afterwards, 
we  measured  the  cornfields,  close  [field\  by  close ;  then  we 
proceeded  to  the  woodlands,  the  copper  and  tin  mines  [the 
West  Indies],  All  this  while,  Nic.  laid  down  everything 
exactly,  upon  paper,  and  calculated  the  acres  and  roods  to  a 
great  nicety.  When  we  finished  the  land,  we  were  going  to 
break  into  the  house  and  gardens,  to  take  an  inventory  of  his 
plate,  pictures,  and  other  furniture. 

Mrs.  Bull.  What  said  Lord  Strutt  to  all  this  ? 

John  Bull.  As  we  had  almost  finished  our  concern,  we 
were  accosted  by  some  one  of  Lord  Strutt's  servants. 
**  Hey  day  !  what's  here  ?  What  a  Devil  !  is  the  meaning  of 
all  these  trangrams  and  gimcracks,  Gentlemen  ?  What,  in 
the  name  of  wonder  !  are  you  going  about,  jumping  over  my 
Master's  hedges,  and  running  your  lines  across  his  grounds  ? 


342  Bull  then,  a  little  thin  man.   [par/iit'''"oXni^.^7P2: 

If  you  are  at  any  field  pastime,  you  might  have  asked  leave ! 
my  Master  is  a  civil  well  bred  person  as  any  is  !  " 

Mrs.  Bull.  What  could  you  answer  to  this  ? 

John  Bull.  Why,  truly,  my  neighbour  Frog  and  I  were 
still  hot-headed.  We  told  him,  "  His  Master  was  an  old 
doating  puppy  that  minded  nothing  of  his  own  business  ! 
that  we  were  surveying  his  estate,  and  settling  it  for  him ; 
since  he  would  not  do  it  himself!" 

Upon  this,  there  happened  a  quarrel ;  but  we  being  stronger 
than  they,  sent  them  away  with  a  flea  in  their  ear. 

They  went  home,  and  told  their  Master.  "  My  Lord ! " 
say  they,  "  there  are  three  odd  sort  of  fellows  going  about 
your  grounds,  with  the  strangest  machines  that  ever  we 
beheld  in  our  life.  We  suppose  they  are  going  to  rob  your 
orchard,  fell  your  trees,  or  drive  away  your  cattle.  They 
told  us  strange  things,  about  *  settling  your  estates.'  One 
[Lewis  Baboon]  is  a  lusty  old  fellow  in  a  black  wig  with  a 
black  beard,  and  without  teeth.  There's  another  [NICHOLAS 
Frog]  thick  squat  fellow  in  trunk  hose  [knee-breeches].  The 
third  is  a  little  long-nosed  thin  man  (1  was  then  lean,  being 
just  come  out  of  a  fit  of  sickness  [?  the  war  1689 — 1697]). 
We  suppose  it  is  fit  to  send  after  them,  lest  they  carry  some- 
thing away  !  " 

Mrs.  Bull.  I  fancy  this  put  the  old  fellow  in  a  rare  tweag 
[passion]  ! 

John  Bull.  Weak  as  he  was,  he  called  for  his  long  Toledo 
[swordj,  swore,  and  bounced  about  the  room,  "  'Sdeath  ! 
what  am  I  come  to,  to  be  affronted  so  by  my  tradesmen  ?  I 
know  the  rascals !  My  barber,  linendraper,  and  clothier 
dispose  of  my  estate  !  Bring  hither  my  blunderbuss !  I'll 
warrant  ye,  you  shall  see  daylight  through  them  !  Scoun- 
drels !  dogs  !  the  scum  of  the  earth !  Frog  !  that  was  my 
father's  kitchen-boy  ;  he  pretend  to  meddle  with  my  estate  ! 
with  my  Will !  Ah,  poor  Strutt  !  what  art  thou  come  to 
at  last !  Thou  hast  lived  too  long  in  the  world  to  see  thy 
age  and  infirmity  so  despised !  How  will  the  ghosts  of  my 
noble  ancestors  receive  these  tidings  ?  they  cannot,  they  must 
not  sleep  quietly  in  their  graves !  "  In  short,  the  old  gentle- 
man was  carried  off  in  a  fainting  fit ;  and,  after  bleeding  in 
both  arms,  hardly  recovered. 

Mrs.  Bull.  Really,  this  was  a  very  extraordinary  way  of 
proceeding  :  I  long  to  hear  the  rest  of  it ! 


pL'raK"'^-] Lewis  acts  on  the  Will,  not  the  Treaty.  343 

John  Bull,  After  we  had  come  back  to  the  tavern,  and 
taken  the  other  bottle  of  Champagne,  we  quarrelled  a  little 
about  the  division  of  the  estate.  Lewis  hauled  and  pulled 
the  map  on  one  side,  and  Frog  and  I  on  the  other ;  till  we 
had  like  to  have  torn  the  parchment  to  pieces. 

At  last,  Lewis  pulled  out  a  pair  of  tailor's  great  shears, 
and  clipped  off  a  corner  for  himself  [Guiptiscoa  and  Sicily  went 
to  France,  by  the  First  Partition  Treaty  of  1698],  which  he  said 
was  a  Manor  that  lay  convenient  for  him  :  and  left  Frog  and 
me  the  rest  to  dispose  of  as  we  pleased. 

We  were  overjoyed  to  think  that  Lewis  was  contented 
with  so  little,  not  smelling  what  was  at  the  bottom  of  the  plot. 

There  happened,  indeed,  an  incident  that  gave  us  some 
disturbance.  A  cunning  fellow,  one  of  my  servants,  two 
days  after,  peeping  through  the  keyhole,  observed  that  old 
Lewis  had  stole  away  our  part  of  the  map,  and  saw  him 
fiddling  and  turning  the  map  from  one  corner  to  the  other, 
trying  to  join  the  two  pieces  again.  He  was  muttering 
something  to  himself,  which  he  did  not  well  hear,  only  these 
words,  **  'Tis  a  great  pity !  'tis  a  great  pity  !  "  My  servant 
added,  that  he  believed  this  had  some  ill  meaning. 

I  told  him,  "  He  was  a  coxcomb,  always  pretending  to  be 
wiser  than  his  companions  !  Lewis  and  I  are  good  friends. 
He  is  an  honest  fellow ;  and,  I  dare  say !  will  stand  to  his 
bargain. 

The  sequel  of  the  story  proved  this  fellow's  suspicion  to 
be  too  well  grounded.  For  Lewis  revealed  our  whole  secret 
to  the  deceased  Lord  Strutt,  who  (in  reward  to  his 
treachery,  and  revenge  to  Frog  and  me),  settled  his  whole 
estate  upon  the  present  Philip  Baboon  [Philip,  Duke  of 
Anjou,  afterwards  Philip  V.].  Then  we  understood  what  he 
meant  by  piecing  the  map  together. 

Mrs.  Bull.  And  were  you  surprised  at  this  ?  Had  not 
Lord  Strutt  reason  to  be  angry  ?  Would  you  have  been 
contented  to  have  been  so  used  yourself? 

John  Bull.  Why,  truly,  Wife  !  it  was  not  easily  recon- 
ciled to  the  common  methods  !  but  then  it  was  the  fashion 
to  do  such  things. 

I  have  read  of  your  Golden  Age,  your  Silver  Age,  &c.:  one 
might  justly  call  this,  the  Age  of  the  Lawyers  [Claimants]. 
There  is  hardly  a  man  of  substance  in  all  the  country,  but 


344    il'    IS    AN    AGE    OF    PRETENDERS.    [p.n^iiK'^xXnUy^^^^ 

had  a  Counterfeit  that  pretended  to  his  estate.  As  the 
philosophers  say,  that  there  is  a  duplicate  of  every  terrestial 
animal,  at  sea;  so  it  was  in  this  Age  of  Lawyers,  there  were, 
at  least,  two  of  everything.  Nay,  on  my  conscience  !  I  think 
there  were  three  Esquire  Hackums  [kings  of  Poland]  at 
one  time. 

Lewis  Baboon  entertained  a  fellow  [the  Chevalier  St. 
George,  afterwards  called  the  Old  Pretender]  that  called  him- 
self John  Bull's  Heir.  I  knew  him  no  more  than  the  child 
unborn ;  yet  he  brought  me  into  some  trouble  and  expense. 
There  was  another  that  pretended  to  be  Esquire  South 
[Emperor  of  A  USTRIA]  :  and  two  Lord  Strutts,  you  know  ! 

In  short,  it  was  usual  for  a  parcel  of  fellows  to  meet  and 
dispose  of  the  whole  estates  in  the  country. 

"  This  lies  convenient  for  me,  Tom  1  "  "  Thou  would  do 
more  good  with  that,  Dick  !  than  the  old  fellow  that  has  it !  " 
So  to  law  they  went  with  the  true  owners.  The  lawyers  got 
well  by  it :  everybody  else  was  undone. 

It  was  a  common  thing  for  an  honest  man,  when  he 
came  home  at  night,  to  find  another  fellow  domineering  in 
his  family,  hectoring  his  servants,  and  calling  for  his  supper. 
In  every  house,  you  might  observe  two  Sosias  quarrelling  who 
was  Master!  For  my  own  part,  I  am  still  afraid  of  the  same 
treatment !  that  I  should  find  somebody  behind  my  counter 
selling  my  broadcloth. 

Mrs.  Bull.  There  are  a  sort  of  fellows  that  they  call 
Banterers  and  Bamboozlers,  that  play  such  tricks ;  but  it 
seems  these  fellows  were  in  earnest! 

John  Bull.  I  begin  to  think  that  Justice  is  a  better  rule 
\han  Conveniency,  for  all  some  people  make  so  slight  on  it  • 

CHAPTER    VII. 

Of  the  hard  shifts  Mrs.  Bull  was  put  to,  to  preserve  the 
Manor  of  Bidlock's  Hatch;  with  Sir  Roger's  method  to  keep  off 
importunate  duns. 

S  John  Bull  and  his  wife  were  talking  together, 
they  were  surprised  with  a  sudden  knocking  at  the 
door. 

"  Those    wicked    Scriveners    and   Lawyers,    no 
doubt !  "  quoth  John.     And  so  it  was ;  some  asking  for  the 


Part^^'^"oApriU7":]    E  NGL  AN  d's  FIN  AN  CI  AL  STRAITS.    345 

money  that  he  owed,  and  others  warning  to  prepare  for  the 
approaching  Term. 

"  What  a  cursed  life  do  I  lead  !  "  quoth  John.  "  Debt  is 
like  deadly  sin.  For  GOD's  sake  !  Sir  Roger  !  get  me  rid 
of  these  fellows !  " 

"I'll  warrant  you!"  quoth  Sir  Roger,  "leave  them  to 
me  !  " 

And  indeed  it  was  pleasant  enough  to  observe  Sir  Roger's 
method  with  those  importunate  duns.  His  sincere  friendship 
for  John  Bull,  made  him  submit  to  many  things,  for  his 
service,  which  he  would  have  scorned  to  have  done  for  him- 
self. 

Sometimes  he  would  stand  at  the  door  with  his  long  pole, 
to  keep  off  the  duns,  till  John  got  out  at  the  back  door. 
When  the  lawyers  and  Tradesmen  [the  Allies]  brought  ex- 
travagant bills,  Sir  Roger  used  to  bargain  beforehand  for 
leave  to  cut  off  a  quarter  of  a  yard  in  any  part  of  the  bill  he 
pleased  :  he  wore  a  pair  of  scissors  in  his  pocket  for  this 
purpose,  and  would  snip  it  off  so  nicely,  as  you  cannot 
imagine !  Like  a  true  goldsmith,  he  kept  all  your  holidays 
[i.e.,  to  gain  more  time]  :  there  was  not  one  wanting  in  his 
Calendar !  When  ready  money  was  scarce,  he  would  set 
them  a  telling  [counting]  a  Thousand  Pounds  in  sixpences, 
groats,  and  threepenny  pieces.  It  would  have  done  your 
heart  good  to  have  seen  him  charge  through  an  army  of 
Lawyers,  Attorneys,  Clerks,  and  Tradesmen  !  sometimes  with 
sword  in  hand,  at  other  nuzzling  like  an  eel  in  the  mud. 
When  a  fellow  stuck  like  a  burr  that  there  was  no  shaking 
him  off,  he  used  to  be  mighty  inquisitive  about  the  health  of 
his  uncles  and  aunts  in  the  country  !  he  would  call  them  all 
by  their  names :  for  he  knew  everybody,  and  could  talk  to 
them  in  their  own  way.  The  extremely  impertinent,  he 
would  send  them  away  to  see  some  strange  sight,  as  the 
dragon  at  Hockley  the  Hole,  or  bid  him  call  the  30th  of  next 
February. 

Now  and  then,  you  would  see  him  in  the  kitchen,  weighing 
the  beef  and  butter,  paying  ready  money  that  the  maids 
might  not  run  a  [on]  tick  at  the  market,  and  the  butchers  (by 
bribing  of  them)  sell  damaged  and  light  meat.  Another 
time,  he  would  slip  into  the  cellar,  and  gauge  the  casks. 

In   his   leisure  minutes,  he  was  posting  his  books,  and 


346  John  Bull  continues  nis  story.  [partn^\"oAprii^^7i^* 

gathering  in  his  debts :  such  frugal  methods  were  necessary 
where  money  was  so  scarce,  and  duns  so  numerous. 

All  this  while,  John  kept  his  credit,  could  show  his  head 
both  at  the  Change  and  Westminster  Hall ;  no  man  pro- 
tested his  bill,  nor  refused  his  bond:  only  the  Sharpers  and 
Scriveners,  the  Lawyers  and  other  Clerks  pelted  Sir  Roger 
as  he  went  along.  The  Squirters  were  at  it,  with  their 
kennel  water  ;  for  they  were  mad  for  the  loss  of  their  bubble 
[victim],  and  that  they  could  not  get  him  to  mortgage  the 
Manor  of  Bullock's  Hatch  [to  repeal  the  Sacramental  Test  Act 
0/1673]. 

Sir  Roger  shook  his  ears,  and  nuzzled  along;  well  satisfied 
within  himself  that  he  was  doing  a  charitable  work,  in  rescu- 
ing an  honest  man  from  the  claws  of  harpies  and  blood-suckers. 

Mrs.  Bull  did  all  that  an  affectionate  wife  and  a  good 
housewife  could  do.  Yet  the  boundaries  of  virtues  are  indi- 
visible lines.  It  is  impossible  to  march  up  close  to  the 
frontiers  of  frugality,  without  entering  the  territories  of 
parsimony.  Your  good  housewives  are  apt  to  look  into  the 
minutest  things.  Therefore  some  blamed  Mrs.  Bull  for  new 
heelpiecing  of  her  shoes,  grudging  a  quarter  of  a  pound  of 
soap  and  sand  to  scour  the  rooms :  but  especially  that  she 
would  not  allow  her  maids  and  apprentices  the  benefit  oi  John 
BuNYAN,  the  London  Apprentice,  or  the  Seven  Champions  in  the 
black  letter  [the  Act  for  restraining  the  Press,  against  seditious 
pamphlets] . 

CHAPTER    VIII. 

A  continuation  of  the  Conversation  betwixt  John  Bull  and 
his  wife. 

Mrs.  Bull.  'ST^9'^  ^^  ^  mo^i  sad  life  we  lead,  my  Dear ! 
to  be  so  teazed,  paying  interest  for  old 
debts,  and  still  contracting  new  ones. 
However,  I  do  not  blame  you  for  vindi- 
cating your  honour,  and  chastizing  old  Lewis.  To  curb 
the  insolent,  protect  the  oppressed,  recover  one's  own,  and 
defend  what  one  has,  are  good  effects  of  the  Law.  The  only 
thing  I  want  to  know  is,  how  you  come  to  make  an  end  of 
your  money,  before  you  have  finished  your  Suit  ? 


ParAlL''"oAprlU7°:]    ^^W  THE    NATIONAL   Debt  grew.     34; 

John  Bull.  I  was  told  by  the  Learned  in  the  Law,  that  my 
Suit  stood  upon  three  firm  pillars  :  More  Money  for  more  Law, 
more  Law  for  more  Money,  and  no  Composition.  "  More 
Money  for  more  Law,"  was  plain  to  a  demonstration  ;  for 
who  can  go  to  Law  without  money  ?  and  it  was  as  plain,  that 
any  man  that  has  Money,  may  have  Law  for  it !  The  third 
was  as  evident  as  the  other  two :  for  what  Composition 
[Peace]  could  be  made  with  a  rogue  that  never  kept  a  word 
he  said  ? 

Mrs.  Bull.  I  think  you  are  most  likely  to  get  out  of  this 
labyrinth  by  the  second  door,  by  want  of  ready  money  to 
purchase  this  precious  commodity !  But  you  seem  not  only 
to  have  bought  too  much  of  it,  but  to  have  paid  too  dear  for 
what  you  have  bought !  else  how  was  it  possible  to  run  so 
much  in  debt,  when,  at  this  very  time,  the  yearly  income 
that  is  mortgaged  to  those  usurers,  would  discharge  Hocus's 
bills,  and  give  you  your  bellyful  of  Law  for  all  your  life, 
without  running  one  sixpence  in  debt !  You  have  been  bred 
up  to  business !  I  suppose  you  can  cypher  !  I  wonder  you 
never  used  your  pen  and  ink  ! 

John  Bull.  Now,  you  urge  me  too  far  !  Prithee,  dear 
wife  !  hold  thy  tongue  !  Suppose  a  young  heir,  heedless,  raw, 
and  inexperienced ;  full  of  spirit  and  vigour,  with  a  favourite 
passion,  in  the  hands  of  Money  Scriveners  [Money  Lenders]  ! 
Such  fellows  are  like  your  wire-drawing  mills !  if  they  get 
hold  of  a  man's  finger  they  will  pull  in  his  whole  body  at 
last,  till  they  squeeze  the  heart,  blood,  and  bowels  out  of 
him.  When  I  wanted  money,  half  a  dozen  of  these  fellows 
were  always  waiting  in  my  antechamber,  with  their  securities 
ready  drawn.  I  was  tempted  with  the  "  ready"  !  Some  farm 
or  other  went  to  pot!  I  received  with  one  hand,  and  paid 
it  away  with  the  other,  to  Lawyers  that,  like  so  many  hell- 
hounds, were  ready  to  devour  me.  Then  the  rogues  would 
plead  poverty  and  scarcity  of  money.  That  always  ended  in 
[my]  receiving  Ninety  for  the  Hundred  1  After  they  had  gotten 
possession  of  my  best  rents,  they  were  able  to  supply  me 
with  my  own  money !  But  what  was  worse,  when  I  looked 
into  my  securities  [Perpetual  Consols],  there  was  no  clause  of 
redemption. 

Mrs.  Bull.  "  No  Clause  of  Redemption,"  say  you  !  that's 
hard! 


34^  The  first  years  of  the  War  i  702-1 707.  [i^, 


ArlnitVinot. 
art  111.  1712. 


John  Bull.  No  great  matter,  for  I  cannot  pay  them  ! 
They  had  got  a  worse  trick  than  that !  The  same  man 
bought  and  sold  to  himself,  paid  the  money,  and  gave  the 
acquittance.  The  same  man  was  Butcher  and  Grazier, 
Brewer  and  Butler,  Cook  and  Poulterer.  There  is  something 
still  worse  than  all  this.  There  came  twenty  bills  on  me,  at 
once  ;  which  I  had  given  money  to  discharge.  I  was  like[ly] 
to  be  pulled  to  pieces  by  Brewer,  Butcher,  and  Baker;  even 
my  Herb -Woman  dunned  me  as  I  went  along  the  streets 
(thanks  to  my  friend  Sir  Roger!  else  I  must  have  gone  to 
gaol).  When  I  asked  the  meaning  of  this,  I  was  told, 
"The  money  went  to  the  Lawyers;  Counsel  won't  tick  [give 
credit],  Sir!"  Hocus  was  urging,  my  Bookkeeper  [Lord 
Treasurer  GODOLPHIN]  sat  sotting  all  day,  playing  at  Putt 
and  All  Fours.  In  short,  by  griping  Usurers,  devouring 
Lawyers,  and  negligent  Servants,  I  am  brought  to  this  pass ! 

Mrs.  Bull.  This  was  hard  usage ;  but,  methinks,  the  least 
reflection  might  have  retrieved  you  ! 

John  Bull.  'Tis  true  !  yet  consider  my  circumstances ! 
My  honour  was  engaged,  and  I  did  not  know  how  to  get 
out !  Besides,  I  was,  for  five  years,  often  drunk ;  always 
muddled  !  They  carried  me  from  tavern  to  tavern,  to  ale- 
houses and  brandy-shops;  and  brought  me  acquainted  with 
such  strange  dogs  !  "  There  goes  the  prettiest  fellow  in  the 
world,"  says  one,  "  for  managing  a  jury  ;  make  him  yours  !  " 
*'  There  is  another  can  pick  you  up  witnesses  !"  "  Serjeant 
Such-a-One  has  a  silver  tongue  at  the  bar!"  I  believe  in 
time  I  should  have  retained  every  single  person  within  the 
Inns  of  Court ! 

The  night  after  a  trial,  I  treated  the  Lawyers,  their  wives, 
and  daughters,  with  fiddles,  hautboys,  drums,  and  trumpets. 
I  was  always  hot-headed  !  Then  they  placed  me  in  the 
middle  ;  the  Attorneys  and  their  Clerks  dancing  about  me, 
whooping  and  holloaing,  "  Long  live  John  Bull!  the  glory 
and  support  of  the  Law  !  " 

Mrs.  Bull.  Really,  Husband  !  you  went  through  a  very 
notable  course ! 

John  Bull.  One  of  the  things  that  first  alarmed  me,  was 
that  they  shewed  a  spite  against  my  poor  old  Mother. 

'*  Lord!"  quoth  I,  "what  makes  you  so  jealous  of  a  poor 
old  innocent  Gentlewoman  that  minds  only  her  Prayers  and 


Parnn!'"io''Aprii^^7'S]  Satire  ON  THE  High  Flying  fury.  349 

her  Practice  of  Piety  ?  She  never  meddles  in  any  of  your 
concerns  !" 

"Foh!"  say  they,  "to  see  a  handsome,  brisk,  genteel, 
young  fellow  so  much  governed  by  a  doating  old  woman !  Why 
don't  you  go  and  suck  the  bubby  [breasts.  Bu  bu  is  the  cry  of 
the  child  needing  its  mother's  milk]  ?  Do  you  consider  she  keeps 
you  out  of  a  good  jointure  !  She  has  the  best  of  your  estate 
settled  upon  her  for  a  rent-charge  [tithes] !  Hang  her,  old 
thief!  turn  her  out  of  doors  !  seize  her  lands!  and  let  her  go 
to  Law  if  she  dares  ! " 

*'  Soft  and  fair,  Gentlemen  ! "  quoth  I ;  "  my  mother  is  my 
mother  !  Our  Family  is  not  of  an  unnatural  temper  !  Though 
I  don't  take  all  her  advice,  I  won't  seize  her  jointure  !  Long 
may  she  enjoy  it,  good  woman  !  I  don't  grudge  it  her  !  She 
allows  me,  now  and  then,  a  brace  of  Hundreds  [taxation  of  the 
Clergy]  for  my  Lawsuit ;  that  is  pretty  fair  ! " 

About  this  time,  the  old  Gentlewoman  fell  ill  of  an  odd 
sort  of  a  distemper  [deterioration  and  worldliness  of  the  Estab- 
lished Clergy].  It  began  with  a  coldness  and  numbness  in 
her  limbs  ;  which,  by  degrees,  affected  the  nerves  (I  think 
the  Physicians  call  them),  seized  the  brain,  and  at  last 
ended  in  a  lethargy.  It  betrayed  itself,  at  first,  in  a  sort  of 
indifference  and  carelessness  in  all  her  actions,  coldness  to 
her  best  friends,  and  an  aversion  to  stir  or  go  about  the 
common  offices  of  life.  She  that  would  sometimes  rattle  off 
her  servants  pretty  sharply ;  now  if  she  saw  them  drink,  or 
heard  them  talk  profanely,  never  took  any  notice  of  it. 
Instead  of  her  usual  charities  to  deserving  persons,  she  threw 
away  her  money  upon  roaring  swearing  bullies  and  randy 
beggars  that  went  about  the  streets. 

"  What  is  the  matter  with  the  old  Gentlewoman  ?  "  said 
everybody;  "  she  never  used  to  do  in  this  manner!" 

At  last,  the  distemper  grew  more  violent,  and  threw  her 
downright  into  raving  fits  [Complaints  against  Moderation]  ; 
in  which,  she  shrieked  out  so  loud,  that  she  disturbed  the 
whole  neighbourhood.  In  her  fits,  she  call  out  upon  Sir 
William  [William  III.] :  "  O,  Sir  William  !  thou  hast 
betrayed  me  !  killed  me  !  stabbed  me  !  sold  me  I  See,  see, 
Clum  with  his  bloody  knife!  seize  him!  seize  him!  stop 
him  !  Behold  the  Fury  with  her  hissing  snakes !  Where 
is  my  son  John  ?     Is  he  well  ?   is  he  well  ?     Poor  man,  I 


350  Arbuthnot's  two  great  colleagues,  p- '^Part  m!' ^7°: 

pity  him  ! "  And  abundance  more  of  such  strange  stuff  that 
nobody  could  make  anything  of. 

I  knew  Httle  of  the  matter  ;  for  when  I  inquired  about  her 
health,  the  answer  was,  "She  was  in  a  good  moderate 
way! " 

Physicians  were  sent  for  in  haste  :  Sir  Roger  with  great 
difficulty  brought  R[adcli]ff  [the  Tory  party].  G[ar]th 
[the  Whig  party]  came  upon  the  first  message.  There  were 
several  others  called  in :  but,  as  usual  upon  such  occasions, 
they  differed  strangely  at  the  Consultation. 

At  last  they  divided  into  two  parties ;  one  sided  with 
G[ar]th,  and  the  other  with  R[adcli]ff. 

Dr.  G[ar]th.  This  case  seems  to  me,  to  be  plainly 
hysterical.  The  old  woman  is  whimsical  ;  it  is  a  common 
thing  for  your  old  women  to  be  so !  I'll  pawn  my  life  ! 
Blisters  with  the  Steel  diet  will  recover  her  ! 

Others  suggested  strong  purging  and  letting  of  blood, 
because  she  was  plethoric.  Some  went  so  far  as  to  say  the 
old  woman  was  mad  ;  and  that  nothing  would  do  better  than 
a  little  corporal  correction. 

R[adclijFF.  Gentlemen,  you  are  mistaken  in  this  case. 
It  is  plainly  an  acute  distemper!  and  she  cannot  hold  out 
three  days,  without  she  is  supported  with  strong  cordials ! 

I  came  into  her  room  with  a  good  deal  of  concern,  and 
asked  them,  "  What  they  thought  of  my  mother  ?  " 

"  In  no  manner  of  danger,  I  vow  to  God  ! "  quoth 
G[ar]th,  "the  old  woman  is  hysterical,  fanciful,  Sir,  I  vow 
to  God !  " 

"  I  tell  you.  Sir  !  "  says  R[adcli]ff,  "  she  can't  live  three 
days  to  an  end,  unless  there  is  some  very  effectual  course 
taken  with  her !     She  has  a  malignant  fever  !  " 

Then  "  Fool !  "  "  Puppy  !  "  and  "  Blockhead  !  "  were  the 
best  words  they  gave.  I  could  hardly  restrain  them  from 
throwing  the  ink-bottles  at  one  another's  heads. 

I  forgot  to  tell  you,  that  one  party  of  the  physicians  desired 
I  should  take  my  sister  Peg  into  the  house  to  nurse  her;  but 
the  old  Gentlewoman  would  not  hear  of  that. 

At  last,  one  physician  asked,  **  If  the  Lady  had  ever  been 
used  to  take  laudanum  ?  " 

Her  maid  answered,  "  Not  that  she  knew  !  "  that  "  indeed 
there   was  a    High   German   liveryman   of   ners,    one   Yan 


Par/ill'^xoApriS]   INFLUENCE   OF  HoUSE  OF  HaNOVER.   35 1 

Ptschirnsooker  [Inviting  over  the  Palatines]  that  gave  her  a 
sort  of  a  Quack  powder." 

The  physician  desired  to  see  it;  "Nay,"  says  he,  "there 
is  opium  in  this,  I  am  sure  !  " 

Mrs.  Bull.   I  hope  you  examined  a  little  into  this  matter ! 

John  Bull.  I  did  indeed  !  and  discovered  a  great  mystery 
of  iniquity. 

The  witnesses  made  oath,  that  they  had  heard  some  of 
the  liverymen  frequently  railing  at  their  Mistress.  They 
said  "  She  was  a  troublesome  fiddle  faddle  old  woman,  and  so 
ceremonious  that  there  was  no  bearing  of  her  !  They  were 
so  plagued  with  bowing  and  cringing,  as  they  went  in  and 
out  of  the  room,  that  their  backs  ached  !  She  used  to  scold 
at  one,  for  his  dirty  shoes  :  at  another,  for  his  greasy  hair, 
and  not  combing  his  head  !  Then  she  was  so  passionate 
and  fiery  in  her  temper,  that  there  was  no  living  with  her  ! 
She  wanted  something  to  sweeten  her  blood  !  They  never 
had  a  quiet  night's  rest,  for  getting  up  in  the  morning  to 
early  sacraments  !  They  wished  they  could  find  some  way 
or  another  to  keep  the  old  woman  quiet  in  her  bed  !  " 

Such  discourses  were  so  often  overheard  among  the  livery- 
men, that  the  said  Yan  Ptschirnsooker  had  undertaken  this 
matter. 

A  maid  made  affidavit,  that  she  "  had  seen  the  said  Yan 
Ptschirnsooker,  one  of  the  liverymen,  frequently  making 
up  of  medicines,  and  administering  them  to  all  the  neigh- 
bours"; that  she  "  saw  him,  one  morning,  make  up  the 
powder  which  her  mistress  took,"  that  she  "  had  the  curi- 
osity to  ask  him,  whence  he  had  the  ingredients  ?  " 

"  They  come,"  says  he,  "from  several  parts  of  de  world. 
Dis  I  have  from  Geneva  !  dat  from  Rome  !  this  white  powder 
from  Amsterdam !  and  the  red  from  Edinburgh  :  but  the 
chief  ingredient  of  all  comes  from  Turkey  !  " 

It  was  likewise  proved,  that  the  said  Yan  Ptschirnsooker 
had  been  frequently  seen  at  the  Rose  with  Jack,  who  was 
known  to  bear  an  inveterate  spite  to  his  Mistress ;  that  he 
brought  a  certain  powder  to  his  Mistress,  which  the 
Examinant  believes  to  be  the  same,  and  spoke  the  following 
words  :  Madam,  here  is  grand  secret  van  de  warld !  my 
sweetning  powder  !  It  does  temperate  de  htimotir,  despel  de  windt, 
and  cure  de  vapour !     It  lulleih  and  quieteth  de  animal  spirits. 


352    A  SPECIMEN   OF   DUTCH   CLAIMS.    [pa,t-'iit'''"?Cil'^7"^ 

procuring  rest  and  pleasant  dreams  !  It  is  de  infallible  receipt  for 
de  scurvy,  all  heats  in  de  bloodt,  and  breaking  out  upon  de  skifi ! 
It  is  de  true  bloodt  stauncher,  stopping  all  fluxes  of  de  bloodt ! 
If  you  do  take  this,  yott  will  never  ail  anything !  it  will  cure  you 
of  all  diseases !  and  abundance  more  to  this  purpose,  which 
the  Examinant  does  not  remember. 

John  Bull  was  interrupted  in  his  story  by  a  porter,  that 
brought  him  a  letter  from  Nicholas  Frog;  which  is  as 
follows : 


CHAPTER    IX. 

A  copy  of  Nicholas  Frog's  letter  to  John  Bull. 
Ohn  Bull  reads 

Friend  John  ! 

What  schellum  is  it,  that  makes  thee  jealous  of  thy 
old  friend  Nicholas  ?  Hast  thou  forgot  how,  some  years  ago, 
he  took  thee  out  of  the  Sponging-house  [The  Revolution  of 
1688]. 

'Tis  true,  my  friend  Nic.  did  so,  and  I  thank  him  !  but  he 
made  me  pay  a  swinging  reckoning. 

Thou  beginst  now  to  repent  the  bargain  that  thou  wast  so  fond 
of!  and,  if  thou  durst,  would  foreswear  thy  own  hand  and  seal. 
Thou  sayst  that  "  thou  hast  purchased  me  too  great  an  estate 
already ! "  when,  at  the  same  time,  thou  knowest  I  have  only  a 
mortgage  [the  Spanish  Netherlands].  'Tis  true,  I  have 
possession,  and  the  tenants  own  me  for  Master ;  but  has  not 
Esquire  South  the  equity  of  redemption  ? 

No  doubt,  and  will  redeem  it  very  speedily !  Poor  Nic, 
has  only  possession  ;  eleven  points  of  the  Law  1 

As  for  the  turnpikes  [the  prohibition  of  trade  to  all  but  the 
English]  /  have  set  up ;  they  are  for  other  people,  not  for  my 
friend  John  !     I  have  ordered  my  servant  constantly  to  attend, 


paruiL^xoXrii^;^-]  Frog's  letter,  &  John's  comments.  353 

to  let  thy  carriages  through,  without  paying  anything ;  only  I 
hope  thou  wilt  not  come  too  heavy  ladened,  to  spoil  my  ways  ! 

Certainly,  I  have  just  cause  of  offence  against  thee,  my  friend  ! 
for  supposing  it  possible  that  thou  and  I  should  ever  quarrel. 
What  houndsfoot  is  it,  that  puts  these  whims  in  thy  head  ?  Ten 
thousand  lasts  [a  Last  was  estimated  to  contain  10,000 
herrings]  of  devils  haul  me,  if  I  do  not  love  thee  as  I  love  my 
life  I 

No  question  !  as  the  Devil  loves  holy  water  1 

Does  not  thy  own  hand  and  seal  oblige  thee  to  purchase  for  me,  till 
I  say  "  It  is  enough  !  "  Are  not  these  words  plain  7  I  say,  it  is 
not  enough  I  Dost  thou  think  thy  friend  Nicholas  Frog 
made  a  child's  bargain  !  Marks  the  words  of  thy  contract,  tota 
pecunia,  with  all  thy  money  I 

Very  well !  I  have  purchased  with  my  own  money,  my 
children's,  and  my  grandchildren's  money:  is  that  not 
enough  ?  Well,  tota  pecunia,  let  it  be  !  for,  at  present,  I 
have  none  at  all  !  He  would  not  have  me  purchase  with 
other  people's  money,  sure  !  Since  tota  pecunia  is  the 
bargain,  I  think  it  is  plain  "  no  more  money,  no  more  pur- 
chase ! " 

And,  whatever  the  World  may  say !  Nicholas  Frog  is  but  a 
poor  man  in  comparison  of  the  rich,  the  opulent  John  Bull, 
great  Clothier  of  the  World  ! 

I  have  had  many  losses  !  Six  of  my  best  sheep  were  drowned; 
and  the  water  has  come  into  my  cellar,  and  spoiled  a  pipe  of  my 
best  brandy.  It  would  be  a  more  friendly  act  in  thee,  to  carry  a 
Brief  about  the  country,  to  repair  the  losses  of  thy  poor  friend  ! 
Is  it  not  evident  to  all  the  World,  that  I  am  still  hemmed  in  by 
Lewis  Baboon  ?    Is  he  not  just  upon  my  borders  ? 

And  so  he  will  be,  if  I  purchase  a  thousand  acres  more ; 
unless  he  gets  somebody  betwixt  them  1 

/  tell  thee,  friend  John  !  thou  hast  flatterers  that  persuade  thee 
z  3 


354  "Thou  art  as  fickle  as  the  wind!  " [part  nf  ^loXnu?". 

thou  art  a  man  of  business.  Do  not  believe  them !  If  thou 
wouldst  still  leave  thy  affairs  in  my  hands,  thou  shouldst  see  how 
handsomely  I  woidd  deal  by  thee  !  That  ever  thou  shouldst  be 
dazzled  with  the  Enchanted  Islands  [the  South  Seas,  i.e.,  the 
Spanish  Colonies  in  the  Pacific]  and  mountains  of  gold,  that 
old  Lewis  promises  thee!  'Dswounds/  why  dost  thou  not  lay 
out  thy  money  to  purchase  a  place  at  Court,  of  honest  Israel  ?  I 
tell  thee,  thou  must  not  so  much  as  think  of  a  Composition  [Peace], 

Not  think  of  a  Composition,  that  is  hard  indeed  !  I  can- 
not help  thinking  of  it,  if  I  would  ! 

Thou  complainest  of  want  of  money,  let  thy  wife  and  daughters 
burn  the  gold  lace  upon  their  petticoats !  sell  thy  fat  cattle ! 
retrench  but  a  sirloin  of  beef  and  a  peck-loaf  in  a  week,  from  thy 
gormandizing  stomach  ! 

Retrench  my  beef,  a  dog!  retrench  my  beef!  Then  it  is 
plain  the  rascal  has  an  ill  design  upon  me !  He  would 
starve  me ! 

Mortgage  thy  Manor  of  Btdlock's  Hatch,  or  pawn  thy  crop  for 
ten  years ! 

A  rogue  !  Part  with  my  country  seat,  my  patrimony,  all 
that  I  have  left  in  the  world  !     I'll  see  thee  hanged  first ! 

Why  hast  thou  changed  thy  A  ttorney  I  Can  any  man  manage 
thy  Cause  better  for  thee  ? 

Very  pleasant !  Because  a  man  has  a  good  Attorney,  he 
must  never  make  an  end  of  his  Lawsuit ! 

A  h,  John  !  John  !  I  wish  thou  knewst  thy  own  mind ! 
Thou  art  as  fickle  as  the  wind!  I  tell  thee,  thou  hadst  better  let 
this  Composition  alone,  or  leave  it  to  thy 

Loving  friendy 

N  I  c .   Frog. 


Pan^llL'xX'il'x;-]  O  N  E    H  A  S    A   D  U  M  B    D  E  V  I  l!    355 


CHAPTER    X. 

Of  some  extraordinary  things  that  passed  at  the  Salutation 
tavern,  in  the  Conference  between  Bull,  Frog,  Esquire  South, 
and  Lewis  Baboon. 

RoG  had  given  his  word  that  he  would  meet  the 
above-mentioned  company  at  the  Salutation  [the 
Congress  at  Utrecht],  to  talk  of  this  Agreement. 
Though  he  durst  not  directly  break  his  appointment, 
he  made  many  a  shuffling  excuse.  One  time,  he  pretended 
to  be  seized  with  the  gout  in  his  right  knee  ;  then  he  got  a 
great  cold  that  had  struck  him  deaf  of  one  ear  :  afterwards 
two  of  his  coach  horses  fell  sick,  and  he  durst  not  go  by 
water  for  fear  of  catching  an  ague. 

John  would  take  no  excuse ;  but  hurried  him  away. 
"  Come  Nic.  !  "  says  he,  *'  let  us  go  and  hear  at  least,  what 
this  Old  Fellow  has  to  propose  !  I  hope  there  is  no  hurt  in 
that !  " 

**  Be  it  so,"  says  Nic,  "  but  if  I  catch  any  harm,  woe  be 
to  you  !  My  wife  and  children  will  curse  ycu  as  long  as  they 
live !  " 

When  they  were  come  to  the  Salutation,  John  concluded 
all  was  sure,  then  !  and  that  he  should  be  troubled  no  more 
with  law  affairs.  He  thought  everybody  as  plain  and  sincere 
as  he  was. 

'*  Well,  neighbours  !  "  quoth  he,  "  let  us  now  make  an  end 
of  all  matters,  and  live  peaceably  together  for  the  time  to 
come!  If  everybody  is  as  well  inclined  as  I,  we  shall 
quickly  come  to  the  upshot  of  our  affair  !  "  And  so,  pointing 
to  Frog  to  say  something :  to  the  great  surprise  of  all 
the  company,  Frog  was  seized  with  a  dead  palsy  in  the 
tongue. 

John  began  to  ask  him  some  plain  questions,  and  whooped 
and  holloaed  in  his  ear. 

John  Bull.  Let  us  come  to  the  point,  Nic. !  Who  wouldst 
thou  have  to  be  Lord  Strutt  ?  Wouldst  thou  have  Philip 
Baboon  ? 

Nic.  shook  his  head,  and  said  nothing. 


356  The  other  has  a  spirit  of  infirmity!  [p^v 


III. 


nta. 


John  Bull.  Wilt  thou  then  have  Esquire  South  to  be 
Lord  Strutt  ? 

Nic.  shook  his  head  a  second  time. 

John  Bull.  Then  who,  the  Devil !  wilt  thou  have  ?  Say 
something  or  another ! 

Nic.  opened  his  mouth,  and  pointed  to  his  tongue  ;  and 
cried,  "  A  !  a !  a  !  a  !  "  ;  which  was  as  much  as  to  say  he  could 
not  speak. 

John  Bull.  Shall  I  serve  Philip  Baboon  with  broad- 
cloth ;  and  accept  of  the  Composition  that  he  offers,  with  the 
liberty  of  his  parks  and  fishponds  ? 

Then  Nic.  roared  like  a  bull,  "  O  !  o  !  o !  o  !  " 

John  Bull.  If  thou  wilt  not  let  me  have  them,  wilt  thou 
take  them  thyself  ? 

Then  Nic.  grinned,  cackled,  and  laughed,  till  he  was  like 
to  kill  himself;  and  seemed  to  be  so  pleased  that  he  fell  a 
frisking  and  dancing  about  the  room. 

John  Bull.  Shall  I  leave  all  this  matter  to  thy  manage- 
ment, Nic. !  and  go  about  my  business  ? 

Then  Nic.  got  up  a  glass  and  drank  to  John;  shaking  him 
by  the  hand  till  he  had  like  to  have  shaken  his  shoulder  out 
of  joint. 

John  Bull.  I  understand  thee,  Nic. !  but  I  shall  make 
thee  speak  before  I  go  ! 

Then  Nic.  put  his  finger  to  his  cheek,  and  made  it  cry 
**  Buck  !  " :  which  is  as  much  as  to  say,  "  I  care  not  a  farthing 
for  thee !  " 

John  Bull.  I  have  done,  Nic. !  If  thou  wilt  not  speak,  I 
will  make  my  own  terms  with  old  Lewis  here ! 

Then  Nic.  lolled  out  his  tongue,  and  turned  his  back  to 
him. 


John  perceiving  that  Frog  would  not  speak,  turned  to  old 
Lewis,  "  Since  we  cannot  make  this  obstinate  fellow  speak, 
Lewis!  pray  condescend  a  little  to  his  humour,  and  set  down 
thy  meaning  upon  paper,  that  he  may  answer  it  on  another 
scrap !  " 

**  I  am  infinitely  sorry,"  quoth  Lewis,  "  that  it  happens  so 
unfortunately !  for,  playing  a  little  at  cudgels  the  other  day, 
a  fellow  has  given  me  such  a  rap  over  the  right  arm  th&i^  I 


Par/ilL\"o%°rll^7a    ThE    THIRD    HAS    A    MAD    DEVIL.'      35; 

am  quite  lame  [disabled],  I  have  lost  the  use  of  my  forefinger 
and  my  thumb,  so  that  I  cannot  hold  my  pen." 

John  Bull.  That  is  all  one,  let  me  write  for  you  1 

Lewis.  But  I  have  a  misfortune  that  I  cannot  read  any- 
body's hand  but  my  own. 

John  Bull.  Try  what  you  can  do  with  your  left  hand  ! 

Lewis.  That  is  impossible  !  It  will  make  such  a  scrawl 
that  it  will  not  be  legible  I 


As  they  were  talking  of  this  matter,  in  came  Esquire 
South,  all  dressed  up  in  feathers  and  ribbons,  stark  staring 
mad,  brandishing  his  sword  as  if  he  would  have  cut  off  their 
heads  ;  crying,  "  Room,  room,  boys  I  for  the  grand  Esquire 
of  the  world  !  the  flower  of  Esquires  !  What  !  covered  in  my 
Presence  !     I  will  crush  your  souls,  and  crack  you  like  lice!  " 

With  that,  he  had  like  to  have  struck  John  Bull's  hat 
into  the  fire ;  but  John,  who  was  pretty  strong  fisted,  gave 
him  such  a  squeeze,  as  made  his  eyes  water. 

He  still  went  on  with  his  pranks,  "  When  I  am  Lord  of 
the  Universe,  the  sun  shall  prostrate  and  adore  me  !  Thou, 
Frog!  shalt  be  my  bailiff!  Lewis!  my  tailor!  and  thou 
John  Bull  !  shalt  be  my  fool !  " 

All  this  while.  Frog  laughed  in  his  sleeve,  gave  the  Esquire 
the  other  noggin  of  brandy,  and  clapped  him  on  the  back ; 
which  made  him  ten  times  madder. 

Poor  John  stood  in  amaze,  talking  thus  to  himself,  "  Well, 
John  !  thou  art  got  into  rare  company  I  One  has  a  dumb 
devil !  the  other  a  mad  devil  !  and  the  third,  a  spirit  of  In- 
firmity !  An  honest  man  has  a  fine  time  of  it  amongst  such 
rogues  !  What  art  thou  asking  of  them,  after  all  ?  some 
mighty  boon,  one  would  think  !  Only  to  sit  quietly  at  thy 
own  fireside.  'Sdeath  !  what  have  I  to  do  with  such  fellows  ? 
John  Bull,  after  all  his  losses  and  crosses,  can  live  better 
without  them;  than  they  can,  without  him  !  Would  to  God  1 
I  lived  a  thousand  leagues  off  them  !  but  the  Devil  is  in 
it." 

As  he  was  talking  to  himself,  he  observed  Frog  and  old 
Lewis  edging  towards  one  another  to  whisper ;  so  that 
John  was  forced  to  sit  with  his  arms  akimbo  to  keep  them 
asunder. 


358  What  have  I  to  do  with  such  fellows!  [pl-rniT^7°2: 

Some  people  advised  John  to  bleed  Frog  under  the  tongue  : 
or  take  away  his  bread  and  butter,  which  would  certainly 
make  him  speak ;  to  give  Esquire  South,  hellebore  :  as  for 
Lewis,  some  were  for  emollient  pultas's  [poultices]  ;  others 
for  opening  his  arm  with  an  incision  knife. 


I  could  not  obtain  from  Sir  Humphry,  at  this  time,  a 
copy  of  John's  letter,  which  he  sent  to  his  nephew  by  the 
young  Necromancer ;  wherein  he  advises  him  not  to  eat 
butter  and  ham,  and  drink  old  hock  in  the  morning  with  the 
Esquire  and  Frog,  for  fear  of  giving  him  a  sour  breath. 

FINIS, 


AN 

APPENDIX 

T  O 

JOHN   BULL 

Still 

In  his  S  E  N  S  E  S : 

O  R 

Law  isaBottomlessPit. 


Printed  from  a  Manuscript  found  in  the  Cabinet  of 
the  famous  Sir  Humphry   Poles  worth. • 
and  published  (as  well   as  the  Three  former 
Parts)  by  the  Author  oj  the  New  Atlantis. 


L  O  ND  O  A\ 

Printed  for  John  Morphew,  near  Stationers' 
Hall,  17 12.  Price  3d. 


36i 


AN     APPENDIX 

T  O 

JOHN     BULL 

Still  in  his  Senses^  ^c. 


CHAPTER     I. 

The  apprehending ,  examination^  and  imprisonment  of  Jack ,  for 
suspicivn  of  poisoning. 

He  attentive  Reader  cannot  have  forgotten 
that,  in  my  last  Part,  the  Story  of  Yan 
Ptschirnsooker's  Powder,  was  interrup- 
ted by  a  message  from  Frog.  I  have  a 
natural  compassion  for  curiosity,  being 
much  troubled  with  the  distemper  myself; 
therefore,  to  gratify  that  uneasy  itching 
sensation  in  my  Reader,  I  have  procured 
the  following  account  of  that  matter. 

Yan  Ptschirnsooker  came  off,  as  rogues  usually  do  upon 
such  occasions,  by  peaching  [turning  evidence  o«]  his  part- 
ner ;  and  being  extremely  forward  to  bring  him  to  the  gallows. 
Jack  was  accused  as  the  contriver  of  all  the  roguery. 

And,  indeed,  it  happened,  unfortunately  for  the  poor  fellow, 
that  he  was  known  to  bear  a  most  inveterate  spite  against  the 
old  Gentlewoman ;  and,  consequently,  that  never  any  ill  accident 
happened  to  her,  but  he  was  suspected  to  be  at  the  bottom  ol 
it.  If  she  pricked  her  finger;  Jack,  to  be  sure,  laid  the  pin 
in  the  way !  If  some  noise  in  the  street  disturbed  her  rest ; 
who  could  it  be  but  Jack  ?  in  some  of  his  nocturnal  rambles. 
If  a  servant  ran  away.  Jack  had  debauched  [corrupted]  him  ! 
Every  tittle  tattle  that  went  about,  Jack  was  always  suspected 
for  the  author  of  it ! 

However    all    was    nothing    to    this    last    affair    of    the 


362  WORLDLIMINDEDNESS  OF  DiSSENTERS.  [plv^m.' App. 'IfyJ^: 

Temperating  Moderating  Powder.     The  Hue  and  Cry  went 
after  Jack,  to  apprehend  him,  dead  or  alive,  wherever  he  could 
be  found.     The  Constables  looked  out  for  him,  in  all  his  usual 
haunts  ;  but  to  no  purpose  !    Where,  do  you  think,  did  they 
find  him  at  last  ?     Even  smoking  his  pipe  very  quietly,  at  his 
brother  Martin's  !  from  whence,  he  was  carried,  with  a  vast 
mob  at  his  heels,  before  the  Worshipful  Mr.  Justice  Overdo. 
Several  of  his  neighbours  made  oath,  that,  of  late,  the 
prisoner  had  been  observed  to  lead  a  veiy  dissolute  life,  re- 
nouncing even  his  usual  hypocrisy  and  pretences  to  sobriety  ; 
that  he  frequented  taverns  and  eating-houses,  and  had  been 
often  guilty  of  drunkenness  and  gluttony  at  my  Lord  Mayor's 
table  [the  Dissenters  holding  Civic  appointments]  ;  that  he  had 
been  seen  in  the  company  of  lewd  women ;  that  he  had  trans- 
ferred his  usual  religious  care  of  the  engrossed  copy  of  his 
father's  Will   [the  printed  Bible],  to  Bank  Bills,  Orders  for 
Tallies,  and  Debentures  [Dissenters  becoming  worldly  minded]; 
•  TaUof  these  he  now  affirmed,  with  more  literal  truth,  to  be 
the  Tui.    ffig(if^  drink,  and  cloth;  the  Philosopher's  Stone,  and  the 
Universal  Medicine*;  that  he  was  so  far  from  shewing  his  cus- 
tomary reverence  to  the  Will,  that  he  kept  company  with 
those  [?  sceptics]  that  called  his  Father  a  "  cheating  rogue  !  " 
and  his  Will  "  a  forgery  !  "  ;  that  he  not  only  sat  quietly  and 
heard  his   Father  railed   at,  but   often  chimed  in  with  the 
discourse,  and  hugged  the  authors  as  his  bosom  friends ;  that 
+  Tau  of   instead  oj  asking  for  blows  at  the  corners  of  the  streets,^ 
the  Tub.    [jg  bestowed  them  as  plentifully  as  he  begged  them 
before.     In  short,  that  he  was  grown  a  mere  rake,  and  had 
nothing  left  in  him  of  old  Jack,  except  his  spite  to  John 
Bull's  mother. 

Another  witness  made  oath,  that  Jack  had  been  overheard 
bragging  of  a  trick  he  had  found  out  to  manage  the  "  old 

formal  Jade,"  as  he  used  to  call  her.     "  D this  numbed 

skull  of  mine,"  quoth  he,  "that  I  could  not  light  on  it  sooner  ! 
As  long  as  I  go  in  this  ragged  tattered  coat,  I  am  so  well 
known  that  I  am  hunted  away  from  the  old  woman's  door  by 
every  barking  cur  about  the  house  ;  they  bid  me  defiance ! 
There  is  no  doing  mischief  as  an  open  enemy !  I  must  find 
some  way  or  another  of  getting  withindoors!  and  then  I  shall 
have  better  opportunities  of  playing  my  pranks,  besides  the 
benefit  of  good  keeping  !     [The  suggestion  here  is,  that  the  Dis- 


Part  III. -^^  "^^pp^xyik^^^']  AiRs  OF  Low  Church  party.   363 

senters  turned  Low  Church,  for  the  sake  of  the  good  things  in  the 
Establishment.] 

Two  witnesses  swore,  that  several  years  ago,  there  came  to 
their  mistress's  door,  a  young  fellow  in  a  tattered  coat,  that 
went  by  the  name  of  Timothy  Trim  ;  whom  they  did,  in  their 
conscience,  believe  to  be  the  very  prisoner,  resembling  him 
in  shape,  stature,  and  the  features  of  his  countenance  ;  that 
the  said  Timothy  Trim  being  taken  into  the  family,  clapped 
their  mistress's  livery  over  his  own  tattered  coat  [Church  forms 
over  Dissenting  principles] ;  that  the  said  Timothy  was  ex- 
tremely officious  about  their  mistress's  person,  endeavouring 
by  flattery  and  tale-bearing,  to  set  her  against  the  rest  of  their 
servants.  Nobody  was  so  ready  to  fetch  anything  that  was 
wanted,  or  reach  what  was  dropped  !  that  he  used  to  shove 
and  elbow  his  fellow  servants,  to  get  near  his  mistress  :  es- 
pecially when  money  was  a  paying  or  receiving,  then  he  was 
never  out  of  the  way  !  That  he  was  extremely  diligent  about 
everybody's  business  but  his  own. 

That  the  said  Timothy,  while  he  was  in  the  Family,  used 
to  be  playing  roguish  tricks.  When  his  mistress's  back  was 
turned,  he  would  loll  out  his  tongue,  make  mouths,  and  laugh 
at  her,  walking  behind  her  like  a  harlequin,  ridiculing  her 
motions  and  gestures  :  if  his  mistress  look  about,  he  put  on  a 
grave,  demure  countenance,  as  [ifj  he  had  been  in  a  fit  of 
devotion.  That  he  used  often  to  trip  upstairs  so  smoothly 
that  you  could  not  hear  him  tread,  and  put  all  things  out  of 
order ;  that  he  would  pinch  the  children  and  servants,  when 
he  met  them  in  the  dark,  so  hard  that  he  left  the  print  of  his 
forefingers  and  thumb  in  black  and  blue  ;  and  then  slink  into 
a  corner,  as  if  nobody  had  done  it.  Out  of  the  same  malicious 
design,  he  used  to  lay  chairs  and  joint-stools  in  their  way, 
that  they  might  break  their  noses  by  falling  over  them.  The 
more  young  and  unexperienced,  he  used  to  teach  to  talk 
saucily  and  call  names. 

During  his  stay  in  the  Family,  there  was  much  plate 
missing  ;  that  being  catched  with  a  couple  of  silver  spoons  in 
his  pocket,  with  their  handles  wrenched  off,  he  said,  "  He  was 
only  going  to  carry  them  to  the  goldsmith's  to  be  mended  !  " 

That  the  said  Timothy  was  hated  by  all  the  honest  ser- 
vants, for  his  ill-conditioned,  splenetic  tricks :  but  especially 
for  his  slanderous  tongue  ;  traducing  them  to  his  mistress,  as 
drunkards  and  thieves. 


364  Struggles  OF  High  &  Low  Church.  [Vart"nT''^7i^: 

That  the  said  Timothy,  by  lying  stories,  used  to  set  all 
the  Family  together  by  the  ears ;  taking  delight  to  make  them 
fight  and  quarrel.  Particularly,  one  day  sitting  at  table,  he 
spoke  words  to  this  effect : 

"  I  am  of  opinion,"  quoth  he,  "  that  little  short  fellows, 
such  as  we  are,  have  better  hearts,  and  could  beat  the  tall 
fellows.  I  wish  it  came  to  a  fair  trial  !  I  believe  these  long 
fellows,  as  sightly  as  they  are,  should  find  their  jackets  well 
thwacked  ! "  A  parcel  of  tall  fellows,  who  thought  themselves 
affronted  by  this  discourse,  took  up  the  question  :  and  to  it 
they  went !  the  Tall  Men  [High  Church]  and  the  Low  Men 
[Low  Church.  These  ecclesiastical  badges  first  sprang  up  in  Queen 
Anne's  reign]  ;  which  continues  still  a  faction  in  the  Family, 
to  the  great  disorder  of  our  mistress's  affairs. 

That  the  said  Timothy  carried  this  frolic  so  far,  that  he 
proposed  to  his  mistress,  that  she  should  entertain  no  servant 
that  was  above  four  feet  seven  inches  high ;  and  for  that  purpose 
he  prepared  a  gauge,  by  which  they  were  to  be  measured. 

That  the  good  old  Gentlewoman  was  not  so  simple  as  to  go 
into  his  projects.  She  began  to  smell  a  rat.  "  This  Trim," 
quoth  she,  "  is  an  odd  sort  of  a  fellow !  Methinks,  he  makes 
a  strange  figure  with  that  ragged  tattered  coat  appearing 
under  his  livery  !  Can't  he  go  spruce  and  clean,  like  the  rest 
of  the  servants  ?  The  fellow  has  a  roguish  leer  with  him, 
which  I  don't  like  by  any  means.  Besides  he  has  such  a 
twang  in  his  discourse,  and  such  an  ungraceful  way  of  speak- 
ing through  the  nose,  that  one  can  hardly  understand  him ! 
I  wish  [Jwpe]  the  fellow  be  not  tainted  with  some  bad 
disease  !  " 

The  witnesses  further  made  oath,  that  the  said  Timothy 
lay  out  a  nights,  and  went  abroad  often  at  unseasonable 
hours;  that  it  was  credibly  reported,  he  did  business  in  another 
family ;  that  he  pretended  to  have  a  squeamish  stomach,  and 
could  not  eat  at  table  with  the  rest  of  the  servants  [?  the 
strict  Communion  of  some  Dissenters],  though  this  was  but  a 
pretence  to  provide  some  nice  bit  for  himself;  that  he  refused 
to  dine  upon  salt  fish,  only  to  have  an  opportunity  to  eat  a 
calf's  head,  his  favourite  dish,  in  private  [alluding  to  the  Calfs 
Head  Club] ;  that  for  all  his  tender  stomach,  when  he  was  got 
by  himself,  he  would  devour  capons,  turkeys,  and  sirloins  of 
beef,  like  a  cormorant. 


pJt'lu!''App:^7?2^    Jack  COMMITTED  TO  HIS  TRIAL.       ^6^ 

Two  other  witnesses  gave  the  following  evidence.  That  in 
his  officious  attendance  upon  his  mistress,  he  had  tried  to  slip  in 
a  powder  into  her  drink ;  and  that  once  he  was  catched  en- 
deavouring to  stifle  her  with  a  pillow  as  she  was  asleep  :  that 
he  and  Ptschirnsooker  were  often  in  close  conference,  and 
that  they  used  to  drink  together  at  the  Rose,  where  it  seems 
he  was  well  enough  known  by  the  true  name  of  Jack. 

The  prisoner  had  little  to  say  in  his  defence.  He  endeavoured 
to  prove  him  alibi ;  so  that  the  trial  turned  upon  this  single 
question.  Whether  the  said  Timothy  Trim  and  Jack  were  the 
same  person  ?  which  was  proved  by  such  plain  tokens,  and 
particularly  by  a  mole  under  the  left  pap,  that  there  was  no 
withstanding  the  evidence.  Therefore  the  worshipful  Mr. 
Justice  committed  him,  in  order  to  his  trial. 


CHAPTER     II. 

How  Jack's  friends  came  to  visit  htm  in  prison,  and  what 
advice  they  gave  him. 

|AcK  hitherto  had  passed  in  the  World,  for  a  poor, 
simple,  well-meaning,  half-witted,  crack-brained 
fellow.  People  were  strangely  surprised  to  find  him 
in  such  a  roguery  ;  that  he  should  disguise  himself 
under  a  false  name,  hire  himself  out  for  a  servant  to  an  old 
Gentlewoman,  only  for  an  opportunity  to  poison  her!  They 
said  that  it  was  more  generous  to  profess  an  open  emnity, 
than,  under  a  profound  dissimulation,  to  be  guilty  of  such  a 
scandalous  breach  of  trust,  and  of  the  sacred  rights  of 
hospitality. 

In  short,  the  action  was  universally  condemned  by  his  best 
friends.  They  told  him,  in  plain  terms,  that  "this  was  come 
as  a  judgement  upon  him,  for  his  loose  life,  his  gluttony, 
drunkenness,  and  avarice,  laying  aside  his  Father's  Will  in  an 
old  mouldy  trunk,  and  turning  stock-jobber,  newsmonger, 
and  busybody,  meddling  with  other  people's  affairs,  shaking 
off  his  old  serious  friends,  and  keeping  company  with  buffoons 
and  pickpockets,  his  Father's  sworn  enemies  !  "  that  "  he 
had  best  throw  himself  upon  the  mercy  of  the  Court,  repent, 
and  change  his  manners!" 


366   Jack  must  hang  himself!  [p„,„,.  J- X'""-.'"''- 

To  say  truth,  Jack  heard  these  discourses  with  some  com- 
punction ;  however  he  resolved  to  try  what  his  new  acquain- 
tance would  do  for  him. 

They  sent  Habbakuk  SLYBOOTS  [?  Lord  Somers]  who  de- 
livered him  the  following  message,  as  the  peremptory  com- 
mands of  his  trusty  companions. 

Habbakuk.  Dear  Jack  !  I  am  sorry  for  thy  misfortune  ! 
Matters  have  not  been  carried  on  with  due  secrecy;  however, 
we  must  make  the  best  of  a  bad  bargain  !  Thou  art  in  the 
utmost  jeopardy,  that  is  certain  !  hang !  draw !  and  quarter! 
are  the  gentlest  things  they  talk  of.  However,  thy  faithful 
friends,  ever  watchful  for  thy  security,  bid  me  tell  thee,  that 
they  have  one  infallible  expedient  left  to  save  thy  life.  Thou 
must  know,  we  have  got  into  some  understanding  with  the 
enemy,  by  means  of  Don  Diego  Dismallo.  He  assures  us, 
there  is  no  mercy  for  thee,  and  that  there  is  only  one  way 
left  to  escape.  It  is  indeed  somewhat  out  of  the  common 
road :  however,  be  assured  it  is  the  result  of  most  mature 
deliberation  ! 

Jack.  Prithee,  tell  me  quickly !  for  my  heart  is  sunk  down 
into  the  very  bottom  of  my  belly. 

Habbakuk.  It  is  the  unanimous  opinion  of  your  friends, 
that  you  make  as  if  you  hanged  yourself !  they  will  give  it 
out  that  you  are  quite  dead,  and  convey  your  body  out  of 
prison  in  a  bier;  and  that  John  Bull,  being  busied  with  his 
Lawsuit,  will  not  inquire  further  into  the  matter. 

Jack.  How  do  you  mean,  "  make  as  if  I  had  hanged 
myself "  ? 

Habbakuk.  Nay,  but  you  must  really  hang  yourself  up  in  a 
true  genuine  rope,  that  there  may  appear  no  trick  in  it;  and 
leave  the  rest  to  your  friends. 

Jack.  Truly  this  is  a  matter  of  some  concern,  and  my 
friends,  I  hope,  won't  take  it  ill,  if  I  inquire  into  the  means 
by  which  they  intend  to  deliver  me.  A  rope  and  a  noose  are 
no  jesting  matters ! 

Habbakuk.  Why  so  mistrustful !  Hast  thou  ever  found  us 
false  to  thee  ?    I  tell  thee,  there  is  one  ready  to  cut  thee  down  ! 

Jack.  May  I  presume  to  ask,  who  it  is,  that  is  entrusted 
with  that  important  office  ? 

Habbakuk.  Is  there  no  end  of  thy  '*  Hows  ?  "  and  thy 
"  Whys  ?  "     That  is  a  secret  I 


Part  ni!"'!^°2:]  How  THE  Dissenters  were  sacrificed.  367 

Jack.  A  secret,  perhaps,  that  I  may  be  safely  trusted 
with !  for  I  am  not  hkel^ly]  to  teil  it  again  !  I  tell  you  plainly, 
it  is  no  strange  thing  for  a  man,  before  he  hangs  himself  up, 
to  inquire  who  is  to  cut  him  down  ! 

Habbakuk.  Thou  suspicious  creature  !  If  thou  must  needs 
know  it,  I  tell  thee,  it  is  Sir  Roger  !  He  has  been  in  tears  ever 
since  thy  misfortune.  Don  Diego  and  we  have  laid  it  so, 
that  he  is  to  be  in  the  next  room  ;  and  before  the  rope  is  well 
about  thy  neck,  rest  satisfied  he  will  break  in,  and  cut  thee 
down  !     Fear  not,  old  boy  !  we'll  do  it,  I  warrant  thee  1 

Jack.  So  I  must  hang  myself  up,  upon  hopes  that  Sir 
Roger  will  cut  me  down;  and  all  this,  upon  the  credit  of 
Don  Diego  !  A  fine  stratagem  indeed  to  save  my  life,  that 
depends  upon  hanging,  Don  Diego,  and  Sir  Roger  ! 

Habbakuk.  I  tell  thee  there  is  a  mystery  in  all  this,  my 
friend  !  a  piece  of  profound  policy !  If  thou  knew  what  good 
this  will  do  to  the  common  Cause,  thy  heart  would  leap  for 
joy !  I  am  sure  thou  wouldst  not  delay  the  experiment  one 
moment  1 

Jack.  This  is  to  the  tune  of  All  for  the  better!  What  is 
your  Cause  to  me,  when  I  am  to  be  hanged  ? 

Habbakuk.  Refractory  mortal !  If  thou  wilt  not  trust 
thy  friends,  take  what  follows  1  Know  assuredly,  before 
next  full  moon,  that  thou  wilt  be  hung  up  in  chains,  or  thy 
quarters  perching  upon  the  most  conspicuous  places  of  the 
kingdom  1  Nay,  I  don't  believe  they  will  be  contented  with 
hanging  !  they  talk  of  impalin;^  !  or  breaking  on  the  wheel !  and 
thou  choosest  that,  before  a  gentle  suspending  of  thyself  for 
one  minute  !  Hanging  is  not  so  painful  a  thing  as  thou 
imaginest.  I  have  spoken  with  several  that  have  undergone 
it.  They  all  agree  it  is  no  manner  of  uneasiness  !  Be  sure 
thou  take  good  notice  of  the  symptoms ;  the  relation  will  be 
curious  !  It  is  but  a  kick  or  two  with  thy  heels,  and  a  wry 
mouth  or  so  1  Sir  Roger  will  be  with  thee,  in  the  twinkling 
of  an  eye  ! 

Jack.  But  what  if  Sir  Roger  should  not  come  ?  will  my 
friends  be  there  to  succour  me  ? 

Habbakuk.  Doubt  it  not  1  I  will  provide  everything 
against  to-morrow  morning  !  Do  thou  keep  thy  own  secret  ! 
say  nothing  !  I  tell  thee,  it  is  absolutely  necessary  for  the 
common  good,  that  thou  shouldst  go  through  this  operation. 


368     Jack  GIVING  AN  Implicit  Faith.     [pJnL"App!'''«'7". 
CHAPTER    III. 

How  Jack  hanged  himself  up,  by  the  persuasion  of  his  friends ; 

who  broke  their  word,  and  left  his  neck  in  the  noose. 

AcK  was  a  professed  enemy  to  Implicit  Faith ; 
and  yet  I  dare  say,  it  was  never  more  strongly 
exerted,  nor  more  basely  abused,  than  upon  this 
occasion.  He  was  now  with  his  friends,  in  the 
state  of  a  poor  disbanded  Officer  after  a  Peace,  or  rather  a 
wounded  soldier  after  a  battle  ;  like  an  old  favourite  of  a 
cunning  Minister  after  the  job  is  over,  or  a  decayed  beauty 
to  a  cloyed  lover  in  quest  of  new  game  :  or  like  a  hundred 
such  things  that  one  sees  every  day.  There  were  new 
intrigues,  new  views,  new  projects  on  foot.  Jack's  life  was 
the  purchase  of  Diego's  friendship ;  much  good  may  it  do 
them  !  The  Interest  of  ?Iocus  and  Sir  William  Crawley 
[Sunderland],  which  was  now  more  at  heart,  made  this 
operation  upon  poor  Jack  absolutely  necessary. 

You  may  easily  guess  that  his  rest,  that  night,  was  but 
small,  and  much  disturbed  :  however  the  remaining  part  of 
his  time,  he  did  not  employ,  as  his  custom  was  formerly,  in 
prayer,  meditation,  or  singing  a  double  verse  of  a  Psalm ;  but 
amused  himself  with  disposing  of  his  Bank  Stock. 

Many  a  doubt,  many  a  qualm  overspread  his  clouded 
imagination.  **  Must  I  then,"  quoth  he,  "  hang  up  my  own 
personal,  natural,  individual  Self,  with  these  two  hands ! 
Durus  Senno  !  What  if  I  should  be  cut  djwn,  as  my  friends 
tell  me ;  there  is  something  infamous  in  the  very  attempt ! 
The  world  will  conclude  I  had  a  guilty  conscience.  Is  it 
possible  that  good  man.  Sir  Roger,  can  have  so  much  pity 
upon  an  unfortunate  scoundrel  that  has  persecuted  him  so 
many  years  ?  No,  it  cannot  be  !  I  don't  love  favours  that 
pass  through  Don  Diego's  hands  !  On  the  other  side,  my 
blood  chills  about  my  heart,  at  the  thought  of  these  rogues 
with  their  hands  pulling  out  my  very  entrails  !  Hang  it!  for 
once,  I'll  trust  my  friends  !  " 

So  Jack  resolved  ;  but  he  had  done  more  wisely  to  have 
put  himself  upon  the  trial  of  his  country,  and  made  his  defence 
in  form.  Many  things  happen  between  the  cup  and  the  lip. 
Witnesses  might  have  been  bribed,  juries  managed,  or 
prosecution  stopped. 


pJtnh'%p:  ^lyS]  Jack's  scruples  at  hanging  himself.  369 

But  so  it  was.  Jack,  for  this  time,  had  a  sufficient  stock  of 
Implicit  Faith,  which  led  him  to  his  ruin,  as  the  sequel  of  the 
story  shews. 

And  now  the  fatal  day  was  come,  in  which  he  was  to  try 
this  hanging  experiment.  His  friends  did  not  fail  him  at  the 
appointed  hour,  to  see  it  put  in  practice. 

Habbakuk  brought  him  a  smooth  strong  tough  rope  made 
of  many  a  ply  of  wholesome  Scandinavian  hemp,  compactly 
twisted  together,  with  a  noose  that  slipped  as  glib  as  a  bird- 
catcher's  gin. 

Jack  shrank  and  grew  pale  at  first  sight  of  it.  He  handled 
it,  measured  it,  stretched  it,  fixed  it  against  the  iron  bar  of 
the  window  to  try  its  strength ;  but  no  familiarity  could 
reconcile  him  to  it  !  He  found  fault  with  the  length,  the  thick- 
ness, and  the  twist :  nay,  the  very  colour  did  not  please  him! 

"  Will  nothing  less  than  hanging  serve  ?  "  quoth  Jack. 
"  Won't  my  enemies  take  bail  for  my  good  behaviour  ?  Will 
they  accept  of  a  fine,  or  be  satisfied  with  the  pillory  and  im- 
prisonment, a  good  sound  whipping,  or  burning  in  the  cheek  ?  " 

Habbakuk.  Nothing  but  your  blood  will  appease  their 
rage  !  Make  haste,  else  we  shall  be  discovered  !  There  is 
nothing  like  surprising  the  rogues !  How  they  will  be  dis- 
appointed, when  they  hear  that  thou  hast  prevented  their 
revenge,  and  hanged  thine  own  self ! 

Jack.  That  is  true  !  but  what  if  I  should  do  it  in  effigies  ? 
Is  there  never  an  old  Pope  or  Pretender  to  hang  up  in  my 
stead  ?     We  are  not  so  unlike  but  it  may  pass  ! 

Habbakuk.  That  can  never  be  put  upon  Sir  Roger  ! 

Jack.  Are  you  sure  he  is  in  the  next  room  ?  Have  you 
provided  a  very  sharp  knife  in  case  of  the  worst  ? 

Habbakuk.  Dost  thou  take  me  for  a  common  liar !  Be 
satisfied  no  damage  can  happen  to  your  person  !  Your  friends 
w»!l  take  care  of  that  ! 

Jack.  Mayn't  I  quilt  the  rope !  It  galls  me  strangely. 
Besides,  I  don't  like  this  running  knot  ;  it  holds  too  tight !  I 
may  be  stifled  all  of  a  sudden  ! 

Habbakuk.  Thou  hast  so  many  *'  Ifs "  and  "  Ands  !  " 
Prithee,  despatch !  it  might  have  been  over  before  this 
time  ! 

Jack.   But  now  I  think  on  it,  I  would  fain  settle  some 
affairs  for  fear  of  the  worst :  have  a  little  patience  ! 
2A  3 


370  Sir  Roger  will  not  cut  Jack  down.  [parinL^App!'  ^7"' 

Habbakuk.  There  is  no  having  patience  :  thou  art  such 
a  fainting  silly  creature  ! 

Jack.  O  thou  most  detestable  abominable  Passive 
Obedience !  did  I  ever  imagine  I  should  become  thy  votary 
in  so  pregnant  an  instance  !  How  will  my  brother  Martin 
laugh  at  this  story,  to  see  himself  outdone  in  his  own  call- 
ing !     He  has  taken  the  doctrine,  and  left  me  the  practice  ! 

No  sooner  had  he  uttered  these  words,  but  like  a  man  of 
true  courage,  he  tied  the  fatal  cord  to  the  beam,  fitted  the 
noose,  and  mounted  upon  the  bottom  of  a  Tuh,  the  inside  of 
which  he  had  often  graced  in  his  prosperous  days.  This 
footstool,  Habbakuk  kicked  away;  and  left  poor  Jack  swing- 
ing like  the  pendulum  of  Paul's  clock.  The  fatal  noose  per- 
formed its  office,  and,  with  most  strict  ligature,  squeezed  the 
blood  into  his  face,  till  it  assumed  a  purple  dye. 

While  the  poor  man  heaved  from  the  very  bottom  of  his 
belly  for  breath,  Habbakuk  walked  with  great  deliberation 
into  both  the  upper  and  lower  room,  to  acquaint  his  friends ; 
who  received  the  news  with  great  temper  [equanimity],  and 
with  jeers  and  scoffs  instead  of  pity. 

"Jack  has  hanged  himself!  "  quoth  they,  "let  us  go  and 
see  how  the  poor  rogue  swings  1  " 

Then  they  called  Sir  Roger. 

"  Sir  Roger  !  "  quoth  Habbakuk,  "  Jack  has  hanged  him- 
self;  make  haste  and  cut  him  down !  " 

Sir  Roger  turned,  first  one  ear,  and  then  the  other,  noi 
understanding  what  he  said. 

Habbakuk.   I  tell  you,  Jack  has  hanged  himself  up  ! 

Sir  Roger.  Who  is  hanged  ? 

Habbakuk.  Jack  ! 

Sir  Roger.   I  thought  this  had  not  been  hanging  day ! 

Habbakuk.   But  the  poor  fellow  has  hanged  himself! 

Sir  Roger.  Then  let  him  hang  !  I  don't  wonder  at  it  : 
the  fellow  has  been  mad  these  twenty  years  ! 

With  this,  he  slank  away. 

Then  Jack's  friends  began  to  hunch  and  push  one  another. 
"  Why  don't  you  go  and  cut  the  poor  fellow  down  ?  " 
"  Why  don't  you  ?  " 
And  "  Why  don't  you  ?  " 


Part  III.    -^^  ^ApS"°7i2^^'^.']     ^ ^^  ^^^^  ^^^^   ^^   ^^^   FRIENDS.     371 

"  Not  I  !  "  quoth  one. 

"  Not  I  !  "  quoth  another. 

"  Not  I  !  "  quoth  a  third,  "  he  may  hang  till  Doomsday 
before  I  relieve  him  ! '' 

Nay  it  is  credibly  reported  that  they  were  so  far  from 
succouring  their  poor  friend  in  this  his  dismal  circumstance, 
that  Ptschirnsooker  and  several  of  his  companions  went  in 
and  pulled  him  by  the  legs,  and  thumped  him  on  the  breast. 

Then  they  began  to  rail  at  him  for  the  very  thing  which 
they  had  both  advised  and  justified  before;  viz.,  his  getting 
into  the  old  Gentlewoman's  family,  and  putting  on  her  livery. 

The  Keeper  who  performed  the  last  office,  coming  up,  found 
Jack  swinging  with  no  life  in  him.  He  took  down  the  body 
gently,  and  laid  it  on  a  bulk,  and  brought  out  the  rope  to  the 
company. 

"  This,  Gentlemen  !  is  the  rope  that  hanged  Jack  !  What 
must  be  done  with  it  ?  " 

Upon  which,  they  ordered  it  to  be  laid  among  the  curiosi- 
ties of  Gresham  College ;  and  it  is  called  "  Jack's  rope  "  to 
this  very  day. 

However,  Jack,  after  all,  had  some  small  tokens  of  life  in 
him :  but  lies,  at  this  time,  past  hopes  of  a  total  recovery  ;  with 
his  head  hanging  on  one  shoulder,  without  speech  or  motion. 

The  Coroner's  Inquest  supposing  him  dead,  brought  him 
in  Non  Compos. 

CHAPTER    IV. 

The  Conference  between  Don  DiEGO  DiSMALLO  and  John 
Bull. 

Uring  the  time  of  the  foregoing  transaction,  Don 
Diego  was  entertaining  John  Bull. 

Don  Diego.  I  hope.  Sir,  this  day's  proceedings 
will  convince  you  of  the  sincerity  of  your  old  friend 
Diego,  and  the  treachery  of  Sir  Roger. 
John  Bull.  What's  the  matter  now  ? 
Don  Diego.  You  have  been  endeavouring  for  several  years, 
to  have  justice  done  upon  that  rogue  Jack  ;  but,  what  through 
the  remissness  of  Constables,  Justices,  and  packed  juries,  he 
has  always  found  the  means  to  escape. 


372  Nottingham  tries  to  curry  favour.  [partln^'Ap'?.'  ^71^' 

John  Bull.  What  then  ? 

Don  Diego.  Consider,  then,  who  is  your  best  friend,  he 
that  would  have  brought  him  to  condign  punishment,  or  he 
that  has  saved  him  ?  By  my  persuasion,  Jack  had  hanged 
himself,  if  Sir  Roger  had  not  cut  him  down  ! 

John  Bull.  Who  told  you  that  Sir  Roger  has  done  so? 

Don  Diego.  You  seem  to  receive  me  coldly !  Methinks, 
my  services  deserve  a  better  return  ! 

John  Bull.  Since  you  value  yourself  upon  hanging  this 
poor  scoundrel ;  I  tell  you,  when  I  have  any  more  hanging 
work,  I  will  send  for  thee  !  I  have  some  better  employment 
for  Sir  Roger.  In  the  meantime,  I  desire  the  poor  fellow 
may  be  looked  after. 

When  he  first  came  out  of  the  North  country  into  my 
Family,  under  the  pretended  name  of  Timothy  Trim,  the 
fellow  seemed  to  mind  his  loom  and  his  spinning-wheel  till 
somebody  turned  his  head.  Then  he  grew  so  pragmatical, 
that  he  took  upon  him  the  government  of  my  whole  Family 
[the  Commonwealth].  I  could  never  order  anything  within  or 
without  doors ;  but  he  must  be  always  giving  his  counsel, 
forsooth  !  Nevertheless,  tell  him  I  will  forgive  what  is  past! 
and  if  he  would  mind  his  business  for  the  future,  and  not 
meddle  out  of  his  own  sphere  ;  he  will  find  that  John  Bull  is 
not  of  a  cruel  disposition  ! 

Don  Diego.  Yet  all  your  skilful  physicians  say  that 
nothing  can  recover  your  mother,  but  a  piece  of  Jack's  liver 
boiled  in  her  soup  ! 

John  Bull.  Those  are  Quacks  !  My  mother  abhors  such 
cannibal's  food  !  She  is  in  perfect  health  at  present.  I  would 
have  given  many  a  good  pound  to  have  had  her  so  well,  some 
time  ago. 

There  are  indeed  two  or  three  troublesome  old  nurses,  that 
because  they  believe  I  am  tender-hearted,  will  never  let  me 
have  a  quiet  night's  rest,  with  knocking  me  up,  "  Oh,  Sir ! 
your  mother  is  taken  extremely  ill !  She  is  fallen  into  a 
fainting  fit  1  She  has  a  great  emptiness,  and  wants  sus- 
tenance !  "  [The  Tory  cry  of  "  The  Church  is  in  danger  !  "1  This 
is  only  to  recommend  themselves,  for  their  great  care.  John 
Bull,  as  simple  as  he  is,  understands  a  little  of  a  pulse. 

FINIS. 


LEWIS   BABOON 

Turned  Honest, 

AND 

JOHN  BULL 

POLITICIAN. 

Being 

The  Fourth  Part 

0  F 

Law  is  a  Bottomless  Pit. 


Printed  from  a  Ma?iuscript  found  in  the  Cabinet 

of  the  famous  Sir  Humphry  Poleswgrth.- 

and  published  (as  well  as  the    Three    former 

Parts  and  Appendixy'  by  the  Author  of  the 

New  Atlantis. 


LONDON:  Printed  for  John  Mor  phew 
near  Stationers'  Hall,  i  7  i  2  .     Price  6d. 


375 


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^ 

THE     CONTENTS 


Chap.     I.  The  Sequel  of  the  History  of  the  Meeting  at 

^/j^  Salutation       p.  381 

II.  How  John  Bull  and  Nicholas  Frog 

settled  their  accounts       p.  385 

III.  How  John  Bull  found  all  his  Family  in  an 

tiproar  at  home       p.  389 

IV.  How  Lewis  Baboon  came  to  visit  John 

Bull,  and  what  passed  between  them p.  392 

V.  Nicholas  Frog's  letter  to  John  Bull; 
wherein  he  endeavours  to  vindicate  all  his  con- 
duct with  relation  to  John  Bull  and  the 
Lawsuit P'  39S 

VI.  The  discourse  that  passed  between  NICHOLAS 
Frog  and  Esquire  South,  which  John 
Bull  overheard p.  397 


zy^ 


The    Contents 


r         J.  Arbuthnot,  M.D 
L  Part  IV.    28Julyi7i2" 

Chap.  VII.  The    rest  of  Nicholas's  fetches   to    keep 

John  out  of  Ecclesdowfi  Castle  [Dunkirk]    p.  400 
VIII.  Of  the  great  joy  that  John  expressed  when  he 

got  possession  of  Ecclesdown       p,  403 


^n 


THE     PREFACE. 


Heisi  I  was  first  called  to  the  Office  of  Historiographer 

to  John  Bull,  he  expressed  himself  to  this  purpose, 

"  Sir  Humphry !  I  know  you  are  a  plain  dealer! 

It  is  for  that  reason  that  I  have  chosen  you  for  this 

important  trust  I  Speak  the  truth,  and  spare  not !  " 

That  I  might  fulfil  those  his  honourable  intentions,  I  obtained 
leave  to  repair  to,  and  attend  him  in  his  most  secret  retirements  : 
and  I  put  the  Journals  of  all  transactions  into  a  strong  box,  to  be 
opened  at  a  fitting  occasion ;  after  the  manner  of  the  Historio- 
graphers of  some  Eastern  monarchs.  This  I  thought  was  the  safest 
way  ;  though  I  declare  I  was  never  afraid  to  be  chopped  [off]  by 
my  Master,  for  telling  the  truth. 

It  is  from  those  Journals,  that  my  Memoirs  are  compiled.  There- 
fore let  not  Posterity,  a  thousand  years  hence,  look  for  truth  in  the 
voluminous  Annals  of  pedants,  who  are  entirely  ignorant  of  the 
secret  springs  of  great  actions  !  If  they  do,  let  me  tell  them,  they 
will  be  nebused  / 

With  incredible  pains  have  I  endeavoured  to  copy  the  several  beau- 
ties of  the  ancient  and  modern  historians,  the  impartial  temper  of 
Herodotus,  the  gravity,  austerity,  and  strict  morals  of  Thucy- 
DIDES,  the  extensive  knowledge  of  Xenophon,  the  sublimity  and 
grandeur  of  TiTUS  LiViUS ;  and  to  avoid  the  careless  style  of 


378       Glorying  in  the  Stamp  Act.     \yJ^\'^']'"t"]^y^\-^;. 

POLYBIUS  !  I  have  borrowed  considerable  ornaments  from 
DiONYSiUS  Harlicarnasseus  and  DiODORUS  SicULUS  !  The 
specious  gilding  of  Tacitus,  I  have  endeavoured  to  shun ! 
Mariana,  D'Avila,  and  Fra  Paulo  are  those  among  the 
Moderns,  whom  I  thought  most  worthy  of  imitation ;  but  I  cannot 
be  so  disingenuous,  as  not  to  own  the  infinite  obligations  I  have 
to  the  Pilgrim's  Progress  of  John  Bunyan,  and  the  Tenter 
Belly  of  the  Rev.  Joseph  Hall. 

From  such  encouragement  and  helps,  it  is  easy  to  guess,  to  what 
a  degree  of  perfection  I  might  have  brought  this  great  Work,  had 
it  not  been  nipped  in  the  bud,  by  some  illiterate  people  in  both 
Houses  of  Parliament:  who,  envying  the  great  figure  I  was  to  make 
in  future  Ages,  under  pretence  of  raising  money  for  the  war,  have 
padlocked  [by  the  Stamp  Act]  all  those  very  pens  that  were  to 
celebrate  the  actions  of  their  heroes,  by  silencing  at  once  the  whole 
University  of  Grub  street.  I  am  persuaded  that  nothing  but  the 
prospect  of  an  approaching  Peace  could  have  encouraged  them  to 
make  so  bold  a  step.  But  suffer  me,  in  the  name  of  the  rest  of  the 
Matriculates  of  that  famous  University,  to  ask  them  some  plain 
questions.  Do  they  think  that  Peace  will  bring  along  with  it  a  Gol- 
den Age  ?  Will  there  be  never  a  dying  speech  of  a  Traitor  ?  Are 
Cethegus  and  Cat  ALINE  turned  so  tame  that  there  will  be  no 
opportunity  to  cry  about  the  streets,  "  A  dangerous  Plot  / "  ?  Will 
Peace  bring  such  Plenty  that  no  gentleman  will  have  occasion  to 
go  upon  the  highway,  or  break  into  a  house  ? 

I  am  sorry  that  the  World  should  be  so  much  imposed  upon,  by 
the  dreams  of  a  false  prophet,  as  to  imagine  the  Millenium  is  at 
hand.  O  Grub  street !  thou  fruitful  nursery  of  towering  geniuses ! 
how  do  I  lament  thy  downfall !  Thy  ruin  could  never  be  meditated 
by  any  who  meant  well  to  English  Liberty  I  No  modern  LyccEum 
will  ever  equal  thy  glory,  whether  in  soft  Pastorals  thou  sangst 
the  flames  of  pampered  apprentices  and  coy  cookmaids,  or  mournful 


Par/iv.'^"uulyf7'i^.']  ScOFFING  AT  GrUB  street  WrITERS  !  379 

Ditties  of  departing  lovers  !  or  if  to  Mceonian  strains,  thou  raisedst 
thy  voice,  to  record  the  stratagems,  the  arduous  exploits,  and  the 
nocturnal  scalade  of  needy  heroes,  the  terror  of  your  peaceful 
citizen!  describing  the  powerful  Betty,  or  the  artful  Picklock, 
or  the  secret  caverns  and  grottoes  ofVuLCAN  sweating  at  his  forge 
and  stamping  the  Queen's  image  on  viler  metals,  which  he  retails 
for  beef  and  pots  of  ale  !  or  if  thou  wert  content  in  simple  Narra- 
tive to  relate  the  cruel  acts  of  implacable  revenge;  or  the  complaints 
of  ravished  virgins  blushing  to  tell  their  adventure  before  the 
listening  crowd  of  City  damsels  :  whilst,  in  thy  faithfid  History, 
tjiou  interminglest  the  gravest  counsels  and  the  purest  morals !  nor 
less  acute  and  piercing  wert  thou  in  thy  search  and  poupons 
description  of  the  Works  of  Nature;  whether,  in  proper  and  empha- 
tic terms,  thou  didst  paint  the  blazing  comet's  fiery  tail,  the 
stupendous  force  of  dreadftd  thunder  and  earthquakes,  and  the 
unrelenting  inundations  !  Sometimes,  with  Machiavellian  sagacity, 
thou  unravelledst  the  intrigues  of  State,  and  the  traitorous  con- 
spiracies of  rebels  ;  giving  wise  counsel  to  Monarchs  !  How  didst 
thou  move  our  terror  and  our  pity  with  thy  passionate  scenes 
between  Jack  Catch  and  the  heroes  of  the  Old  Bailey!  how 
didst  thou  describe  their  intrepid  march  up  Holborn  Hill !  Nor 
didst  thou  shine  less  in  thy  Theological  capacity,  when  thou  gavest 
ghostly  counsel  to  dying  felons,  and  recorded  the  guilty  pangs  of 
Sabbath-breakers !  How  will  the  noble  Arts  of  John  Overton's 
painting  and  sculpture  now  languish !  where  rich  invention, 
proper  expression,  correct  design,  divine  altitudes,  and  artful  con- 
trast, heightened  with  the  beauties  of  Clar  Obscur  [Chiar  obscuro] 
imbellish  thy  celebrated  pieces,  to  the  delight  and  astonisliment  of 
the  judicious  multitude  ! 

Adieu,  persuasive  Eloquence!  The  quaint  Metaphor,  the 
poignant  Irony,  the  proper  Epithet,  and  the  lively  Simile  are  fled 
to  Burleigh  on  the  Hill ! 


380  Mock  Condolence  with  Grub  street.  [  pLvfiv!'''jui'yV7i^: 

histead  of  these,   we  shall  have   I  know   not  what !      **  The 
•Vide  [William     illiterate  Will  tell  the  rest  with  pleastire."* 

Fleetwood]  ■' 

St  asaph'^s"'^  ^  ^^^P^  ^^^^  jR^a^^r  will  excuse  this  digression,  due, 

F^u^sl^tns].  by  "^^y  of  condolence,  to  my  worthy  brethren  of 
Grub  street,  for  the  approaching  barbarity  that  is  likely  to 
overspread  all  its  regions,  by  this  oppressive  and  exorbitant  tax 
[the  Stamp  duty].  It  has  been  my  good  fortune  to  receive 
my  education  there ;  and  so  long  as  I  preserved  some  figure 
and  rank  among  the  Learned  of  that  Society,  I  scorned  to  take 
my  degree  either  at  Utrecht  or  Ley  den,  though  I  were  offered  it 
gratis  by  the  Professors  there. 


38i 


LEWIS     BABOON 

Turned  Honest, 


AND 


JOHN     BULL 

POLITICIAN. 


CHAPTER    I . 

The  Sequel  of  the  History  of  the  Meeting  at  the  Salutation  : 

Here,  I  think  I  left  John  Bull  sitting 
between  Nic.  Frog  and  Lewis  Baboon, 
with  his  arms  akimbo,  in  great  concern  to 
keep  Lewis  and  Nic.  asunder. 

As  watchful  as  he  was,  Nic.  found  means, 

now  and  then,  to  steal  a  whisper ;  and,  by  a 

cleanly  conveyance  under  the  table,  to  slip  a 

short  note  into  Lewis's  hand:  which  Lewis 

as  slyly,  put  into  John's  pocket,  with  a  pinch  or  a  jog  to 

warn  him  what  he  was  about. 

John  had  the  curiosity  to  retire  into  a  corner,  to  peruse 


i 

p/p 

^%°^ 

1 

382  Story  OF  English  help  to  Dutch.  [par/iv.''''"uuiy^7«. 

these  billet-doux  of  Nic.'s ;  wherein  he  found  that  Nic.  had 
used  great  freedoms,  both  with  his  Interest  and  reputation. 

One  contained  these  words  : 

Dear  Lewis, 

Thoti  seest  clearly  that  this  blockhead  can  never  bring  his 
matters  to  bear  !  Let  thee  and  me  talk  to-night  by  ourselves  at 
the  Rose,  and  I  will  give  thee  satisfaction  ! 

Another  was  thus  expressed : 

Friend  LEWIS, 

Has  thy  sense  quite  forsaken  thee,  to  make  BuLL  such  offers  ? 
Hold  fast !  part  with  nothing !  and  I  will  give  thee  a  better 
bargain,  I'll  warrant  thee  ! 

In  some  of  his  billets,  he  told  Lewis  that  John  Bull 
was  under  his  guardianship  !  that  the  best  part  of  his  servants 
were  at  his  command !  that  he  could  have  John  gagged  and 
bound,  whenever  he  pleased,  by  the  people  of  his  own  Family  ! 

In  all  these  epistles,  blockhead !  dunce  !  ass  !  coxcomb  !  were 
the  best  epithets  he  gave  poor  John. 

In  others,  he  threatened  that,  he.  Esquire  South,  and  the 
rest  of  the  Tradesmen  [the  Allies]  woidd  lay  Lewis  down  upon 
his  back,  and  beat  out  his  teeth,  if  he  did  not  retire  immediately, 
and  break  up  the  meeting ! 

I  fancy  I  need  not  tell  my  reader  that  John  often  changed 
colour  as  he  read,  and  that  his  fingers  itched  to  give  Nic.  a 
good  slap  on  the  chops  :  but  he  wisely  moderated  his  choleric 
temper. 

"  I  saved  this  fellow,"  quoth  he,  "  from  the  gallows,  when 
he  ran  away  from  his  last  master  [the  rise  of  the  Dutch 
Republic  with  English  help]  ;  because  I  thought  he  was 
harshly  treated  :  but  the  rogue  was  no  sooner  safe  under  my 
protection,  than  he  began  to  lie,  pilfer,  and  steal,  like  the  Devil ! 

"  When  I  first  set  him  up  in  a  warm  house  ;  he  had  hardly 
put  up  his  Sign,  when  he  began  to  debauch  [entice]  my  best 
customers  from  me.  Then  it  was  his  constant  practice  to 
rob  my  fish-ponds  [Dutch  fishing  for  herrings  off  the  English 
coast] ;  not  only  to  feed  his  family,  but  to  trade  with  the 
fishmongers.  I  connived  at  the  fellow,  till  he  began  to  tell 
me  that  '  they  were  his,  as  much  as  mine  ! ' 

"In   my   Manor  of  Eastcheap  [East  Indies],  because  it 


Pa«i^''"*juiy^7";]   Ingratitude  of  the  Dutch.     383 

lay  at  some  distance  from  my  constant  inspection,  he  broke 
down  my  fences,  robbed  my  orchards,  and  beat  my  servants. 
When  I  used  to  reprimand  him  for  his  tricks  ;  he  would 
talk  saucily,  lie,  and  brazen  it  out  as  if  he  had  done  nothing 
amiss.  '  Will  nothing  cure  thee  of  these  pranks,  Nic.  ?  ' 
quoth  I.  *  I  shall  be  forced,  some  time  or  another,  to  chastise 
thee  ! '  The  rogue  got  up  his  cane  and  threatened  me ; 
and  was  well  thwacked  for  his  pains  [tlie  wars  ivith  the  Dutch 
in  1652,  1665,  and  1671I. 

*'  But  I  think  his  behaviour  at  this  time,  w^orst  of  all  ! 
After  I  have  almost  drowned  myself,  to  keep  his  head  above 
water ;  he  would  leave  me  sticking  in  the  mud,  trusting  to 
his  goodness  to  help  me  out !  After  I  have  beggared  myself 
with  this  troublesome  Lawsuit,  he  takes  it  in  mighty  dudgeon, 
because  I  have  brought  him  here,  to  end  matters  amicably! 
and  because  I  won't  let  him  make  me  over,  by  deed  and 
indenture,  as  his  lawful  cully  [diipe]  !  which  to  my  certain 
knowledge,  he  has  attempted  several  times. 

"  But,  after  all,  canst  thou  gather  grapes  from  thorns  ?  Nic. 
does  not  pretend  to  be  a  Gentleman  !  He  is  a  tradesman, 
a  self-seeking  wretch  1  But  how  comest  thou  to  bear  all 
this,  John  ?  The  reason  is  plain  ;  thou  conferrest  the 
benefits,  and  he  receives  them :  the  first  produces  love,  and 
the  last  ingratitude. 

**Ah,  Nic!  thou  art  a  dog,  that  is  certain!  Thou 
knowest  too  well,  that  I  will  take  care  of  thee,  else  thou 
wouldst  not  use  me  thus.  I  won't  give  thee  up,  it  is  true : 
but,  as  true  it  is,  that  thou  shalt  not  sell  me,  according  to 
thy  laudable  custom  ! " 

While  John  was  deep  in  this  soliloquy,  Nic.  broke  out 
into  the  following  protestation  : 

"  Gentlemen, 

I  believe  ever3'body  here  present,  will  allow  me  to  be  a 
very  just  and  disinterested  person.  My  friend  John  Bull 
here,  is  very  angry  with  me ;  forsooth,  because  I  won't  agree 
to  his  foolish  bargains.  Now  I  declare  to  all  mankind,  I 
should  be  ready  to  sacrifice  my  own  concerns  to  his  quiet ; 
but  the  care  of  his  Interest  and  that  of  the  honest  Trades- 
men [the  Allies]  that  are  embarked  with  us,  keeps  me  from 
entering  into  this  Composition.  What  shall  become  of  those 
poor    creatures  ?     The    thought    of    their    impending    ruin 


384 Unwillingness  for  Peace  at  Utrecht.Q^^ivI^ju,';,^;,^.' 

disturbs  my  night's  rest  !  Therefore  I  desire  they  may 
speak  for  themselves.  If  they  are  willing  to  give  up  this 
affair,  I  shan't  make  two  words  of  it !  " 

John  Bull  begged  him  to  lay  aside  that  immoderate 
concern  for  him :  and  withal,  put  him  in  mind  that  the 
Interest  of  those  Tradesmen  had  not  sat  quite  so  heavy  upon 
him,  some  years  ago,  on  a  like  occasion. 

Nic.  answered  little  to  that,  but  immediately  pulled  out 
a  boatswain's  whistle.  Upon  the  first  whiff,  the  Tradesmen 
came  jumping  in  the  room,  and  began  to  surround  Lewis 
like  so  many  yelping  curs  about  a  great  boar  :  or,  to  use  a 
modester  simile,  like  duns  at  a  great  Lord's  levee,  the  morn- 
ing he  goes  into  the  country.  One  pulled  him  by  the  sleeve  ! 
another  by  the  skirt !  a  third  holloaed  in  his  ear !  They 
began  to  ask  him  for  all  that  had  been  taken  from  their  fore- 
fathers, by  stealth,  fraud,  force,  or  lawful  purchase  !  Some 
asked  for  Manors  !  Others,  for  acres  that  lay  convenient  for 
them  !  that  he  would  pull  down  his  fences  !  level  his  ditches  ! 
All  agreed  in  one  common  demand,  that  he  should  be  purged, 
sweated,  vomited,  and  starved,  till  he  came  to  a  sizeable 
bulk  like  that  of  his  neighbours. 

One  modestly  asked  him  leave  to  call  him  "  Brother  !  " 
Nic.  Frog  demanded  two  things,  to  be  his  Porter  and  his 
Fishmonger;  to  keep  the  keys  of  his  gates,  and  furnish  his 
kitchen.  John's  sister.  Peg,  only  desired  that  he  would  let 
his  servants  [French  Protestants]  sing  Psalms  a  Sundays. 
Some  descended  even  to  the  asking  of  old  clothes,  shoes  and 
boots,  broken  bottles,  tobacco  pipes,  and  ends  of  candles. 

"  Monsieur  Bull,"  quoth  Lewis,  "you  seem  to  be  a  man 
of  some  breeding  !  For  God's  sake !  use  your  Interest 
with  these  Messieurs,  that  they  would  speak  but  one  at  once  ! 
for  if  one  had  a  hundred  pair  of  hands  and  as  many  tongues, 
he  cannot  satisfy  them  all,  at  this  rate  !  " 

John  begged  they  might  proceed  with  some  method. 

Then  they  stopped  all  of  a  sudden,  and  would  not  say  a 
word. 

"  If  this  be  your  play,"  quoth  John,  "  that  we  may  not  be 
like  a  Quaker's  dumb  meeting;  let  us  begin  some  diversion! 
What  do  ye  think  of  Rouly  Pouly,  or  a  Countiy  Dance  ? 
What  if  we  should  have  a  match  at  football  ?  I  am  sure 
we  shall  never  end  matters  at  this  rate  !  " 


ParilV   24J"'V''x^7"J  ^^^-  F^O^'s  FINANCIAL  LEGERDEMAIN.    385 

CHAPTER    II. 

How  John  Bull  and  Nicholas  Frog  settled  their  accounts. 

John  Bull.  B'^^^Uring  this  general  cessation  of  talk, 
what  if  you  and  I,  Nic.  !  should 
inquire  how  money  matters  stand 
between  us  ? 

Nic.  Frog.  With  all  my  heart  !  I  love  exact  dealing; 
and  let  Hocus  audit !  he  knows  how  the  money  was  dis- 
bursed. 

John  Bull.  I  am  not  for  that,  at  present  !  We  will  settle 
it  between  ourselves  !  Fair  and  square,  Nic.  !  keeps  friends 
together.  There  have  been  laid  out  in  this  Lawsuit,  at  one 
time,  36,000  pounds  and  40,000  crowns.  In  some  cases,  I, 
in  others  you,  bear  the  greater  proportion. 

Nic.  Right  !  I  pay  Three-fifths  of  the  greater  number; 
and  you  pay  Two-thirds  of  the  lesser  number.  I  think  this 
is  "  fair  and  square  "  as  you  call  it. 

John.  Well,  go  on  ! 

Nic.  Two-thirds  of  36,000  pounds  is  24,000  pounds  for 
your  share;  and  there  remains  12,000  pounds.  Again,  of 
the  40,000  crowns,  I  pay  24,000  ;  which  is  Three-fifths  ; 
and  you  pay  only  16,000,  which  is  Two-fifths.  24,000 
crowns  make  6,000  pounds,  and  16,000  crowns  make  4,000 
pounds :  12,000  and  6,000  make  18,000  ;  24,000  and  4,000 
make  28,000.  So  there  are  18,000  pounds  to  my  share  of 
the  expenses,  and  28,000  pounds  to  yours." 

After  Nic.  had  bamboozled  John  a  while  about  the  18,000 
and  the  28,000;  John  called  for  counters.  But  what  with 
sleight  of  hand,  and  taking  from  his  own  score  and  adding 
to  John's,  Nic.  wrought  the  balance  always  on  his  own 
side. 

John  Bull.  Nay,  good  friend  Nic,  though  I  am  not  quite 
so  nimble  in  the  figures,  I  understand  ciphering  as  well  as 
you  !  I  will  produce  my  accounts  one  by  one,  fairly  written 
out  of  my  own  books. 

And  here  I  begin  with  the  first.  You  must  excuse  me, 
if  I  don't  pronounce  the  Law  terms  right. 

2B  2 


386  John  Bulls  Account  of  the  WAR.[p^/i^;*'",J'^°|;,^j,-^^; 
John  reads. 

Fees  to  the  Lord  Chief  Justice  and  other  Judges, 
by  way  of  dividend 

Fees  to /';«'sw5  Judges    

To  Esquire  South,  {or  post  Tcrmimuns      

To  ditto  iov  N on  est  factums       

for  Discontinuance,  Noli  pro- 
sequi, and  Retraxit      

for  a  Non  Omittas,  and  fil- 
ing a  post  Diem 


To 

ditto 

To 

ditto 

To 

Hocus, 

To 

ditto 

To 

ditto 

for  Casas  and  Fifas  after  a 

Devastavit     

for  a  Capias  ad  compti- 
tandimt 

To  Frog's  New  tenants  [the  Barrier  towns], 
per    Account     to      Hocus, 

for  A  tidita  querelas       200 

On  the  said  Account,  for 
Writs  of  Ejectment  and 
Destringas    300 

To  Esquire  South's  quota  for  a  Return  of  a 
Non  est  inventus  and  nulla 
habet  bona     

To      for  a  Pardon  in  forma  pau- 

peris 

To  Jack  for  a  Melius  inquirendum 
upon  a  Felo  de  se        

To  Don  Diego  for  a  Deficit 

To  Coach  hire  

For  treats  to  Juries  and  Witnesses     


£ 

s. 

d. 

200 

10 

6 

50 

0 

0 

100 

10 

6 

200 

0 

0 

80 

10 

6 

50 

0 

0 

300 

0 

0 

500 

0 

0 

100 

10 

6 

150 

10 

0 

200 

0 

0 

100 

0 

0 

50 

0 

0 

500 

0 

0 

300 

0 

0 

Sum  £"3,382  12     o 

Due  by  Nic.  Frog  3^1,691     6    o 
Of  which,  paid  by  Nic.  Frog     1,036  11     o 


Remains  due  by  Nic.  Frog     £6^^  15     o 


^■aS'lV*July^7"']   FrOG's  CONTRA  AcCOUNT  OF  THE  SAME.   ^Sy 

Then  Nic.  Frog  pulled  out  his  bill  out  of  his  pocket,  and 
began  to  read 

Nicholas  Frog's  Account. 

Remains  to  be  deducted  out  of  the  former  Account :  £     s.    d. 

To  Hocus  for  Entries  of  a  i?^^e  mco^isw/^o        ...     200     o     o 

To  John  Bull's  Nephew  [the  Old  Pretender]  for 

a  Venire   Facias :    the    money  not 

yet  all  laid  out        300     o     o 

The  coach  hire  for  my  wife  and  family,  and  the 
carriage  of  my  goods  during  the  time  of  this 

Lawsuit 

For  the  extraordinary  expenses  of  feeding  my 

family,  during  this  Lawsuit 

To  Major  Ab 

To  Major  Will 


200 

10 

b 

500 

0 

0 

300 

0 

0 

200 

0 

0 

Sum  £1,700  10     6 
From  which  deduct     i,6qi     6     o 


There  remains  due  to  Nic.  Frog      ^946 


Besides  ;  recollecting,  I  believe  I  paid  for  Diego's  Deficit. 

John  Bull.  As  for  your  Venire  facias,  I  have  paid  you  for 
one  already !  In  the  other,  I  believe  you  will  be  nonsuited. 
I'll  take  care  of  my  nephew  myself.  Your  coach  hire  and 
family  charges  are  most  unreasonable  deductions  !  At  that 
rate,  I  can  bring  in  any  man  in  the  world,  my  debtor !  But 
who,  the  Devil  !  are  those  two  Majors  that  consume  all  my 
money  ?  I  find  they  always  run  away  with  the  balance  in 
all  accounts. 

Nic.  Frog.  Two  very  honest  Gentlemen,  I  assure  you!  that 
have  done  me  some  service. 

To  tell  you  plainly.  Major  Ab.  denotes  thy  "  greater  Abi- 
lity," and  Major  Will.,  thy  ''greater  Willingness,"  to  carry 
on  this  Lawsuit.  It  was  but  reasonable,  thou  shouldst  pay 
both  for  thy  Power  and  thy  Positiveness  ! 

John  Bull.  I  believe  I  shall  have  those  two  honest  Majors' 
discount  on  my  side,  in  a  little  time. 

Nic.  Frog.   Why  all  this  higgling  with  thy  friend,  about 


388  England  should  not  waitfor  Allies ![^-J^'{'^J'']°{;,'|J°: 

such  a  paltry  sum  ?  Does  this  become  the  generosity  of  the 
noble  and  rich  John  Bull  ?  I  wonder  thou  art  not  ashamed! 
O  Hocus  !  Hocus  !  where  art  thou  ?  It  used  to  go  another- 
guess  manner  in  thy  time  !  When  a  poor  man  has  almost 
undone  himself  for  thy  sake  ;  thou  art  for  fleecing  him,  and 
fleecing  him  !     Is  that  thy  conscience,  John  ? 

John  Bull.  Very  pleasant  indeed  !  It  is  well  known  thou 
retainest  thy  Lawyers  by  the  year ;  so  that  a  fresh  Lawsuit 
adds  but  little  to  thy  expense.  They  are  thy  customers  :  I 
hardly  ever  sell  them  a  farthing's  worth  of  anything  !  Nay, 
thou  hast  set  up  an  eating-house,  where  the  whole  tribe  of 
them  spend  all  they  can  rap  or  run  [i.e.,  all  the  ready  money  they 
can  chink,  and  all  the  credit  they  can  run].  If  it  were  well 
reckoned,  I  believe  thou  gettest  more  of  my  money  than  thou 
spendest  of  thy  own.  However,  if  thou  wilt  needs  plead 
poverty,  own  at  least  that  thy  Accounts  are  false. 

Nic.  Frog.  No,  marry !  won't  I  !  I  refer  myself  to  these 
honest  Gentlemen  [the  Tradesmen,  i.e.,  the  Allies]\  Let  them 
judge  between  us !  Let  Esquire  South  speak  his  mind, 
Whether  my  accounts  are  not  right  ?  and  Whether  we  ought 
not  to  go  on  with  the  Lawsuit  ? 

John  Bull.  Consult  the  butchers  about  keeping  of  Lent !  I 
tell  you,  once  for  all,  John  Bull  knows  where  his  shoe 
pinches.  None  of  your  Esquires  shall  give  him  the  law,  as 
long  as  he  wears  this  trusty  weapon  by  his  side,  or  has  an 
inch  of  broad-cloth  in  his  shop  ! 

Nic.  Frog.  Why,  there  it  is!  You  will  be  Judge  and 
Party  !  I  am  sorry  thou  discoverest  so  much  of  thy  headstrong 
humour  before  these  strange  Gentlemen  I  I  have  often  told 
you,  that  it  would  prove  thy  ruin  some  time  or  another ! 

John  saw  clearly  he  should  have  nothing  but  wrangling ; 
and  that  he  should  have  as  little  success  in  settling  his  ac- 
counts as  in  ending  the  Composition. 

"  Since  they  will  needs  overload  my  shoulders,"  quoth 
John,  "I  shall  throw  down  the  burden  with  a  squash  amongst 
them  ;  take  it  up  who  dares  1  A  man  has  a  fine  time  of  it, 
among  a  combination  of  sharpers  that  vouch  for  one  another's 
honesty  !  John,  look  to  thyself  !  Old  Lewis  makes  reasonable 
offers  !  When  thou  hast  spent  the  small  pittance  that  is  left, 
thou  wilt  make  a  glorious  figure,  when  thou  art  brought  to 


Paniv'^f^n\y^7?J  AgITATION    AS   TO    IHE    SUCCESSION.     389 

live  upon  Nic.  Frog's  and  Esquire  South's  generosity  and 
gratitude.  If  they  use  thee  thus,  when  they  want  thee  ;  what 
will  they  do,  when  thou  wantest  them  ?  I  say  again,  John 
look  to  thyself  !  " 

John  wisely  stifled  his  resentments;  and  told  the  company 
that,  "  in  a  little  time,  he  should  give  them  law,  or  some- 
thing better ! " 

All.  Law  !  Law  !  Sir,  by  all  means  !  What  are  twenty- 
two  poor  years  towards  the  finishing  a  Lawsuit  ?  For  the 
love  of  God  !  more  Law,  Sir ! 

John  Bull.  Prepare  your  demands,  how  many  years 
more  of  Law  you  want !  that  I  may  order  my  affairs  accord- 
ingly.    In  the  meanwhile,  farewell  ! 

CHAPTER     III. 

How  John  Bull  found  all  his  Family  in  an  uproar  at  home. 

Ic.  Frog  (who  thought  of  nothing  but  of  carrying 
John  to  the  market,  and  there  disposing  of  him  as 
his  own  proper  goods)  was  mad  to  find  that  John 
thought  himself  now  of  age  to  look  after  his  own 
affairs.  He  resolved  to  traverse  this  new  project,  and  to 
make  him  uneasy  in  his  own  Family.  He  had  corrupted  or 
deluded  most  of  his  servants  into  the  most  extravagant  con- 
ceits in  the  world,  that  their  Master  was  run  mad  !  and  wore 
a  dagger  in  one  pocket,  and  poison  in  the  other !  he  had  sold 
his  wife  and  children  to  Lewis  !  disinherited  his  heir !  and 
was  going  to  settle  his  estate  upon  a  parish  boy  !  that  if  they 
did  not  look  after  their  Master,  he  would  do  some  very 
mischievous  thing ! 

When  John  came  home,  he  found  a  more  surprising  scene 
than  any  he  had  yet  met  with  [the  national  excitement  as  to  the 
Hanoverian  Succession] ;  and  that,  you  will  say,  was  somewhat 
extraordinary. 

He  called  his  cook-maid  Betty  to  bespeak  his  dinner. 

Betty  told  him  that  "  she  begged  his  pardon,  she  could 
not  dress  dinner  till  she  knew  what  he  intended  to  do  with 
his  Will  [the  Act  of  Settlement,  ensuring  the  Hanoverian 
Succession]  \  " 


i 


390  John  Bull's  servants  gone  mad  !  [par/iv.''X^juIy'f7.^: 

"  Why,  Betty,  forsooth,  thou  art  not  run  mad  !  art  thou  ? 
My  will  at  present,  is  to  have  dinner." 

"  That  may  be,"  quoth  Betty,  "  but  my  conscience  won't 
allow  me  to  dress  it,  till  I  know  whether  you  intend  to  do 
righteous  things  by  your  heir  [the  Princess  Sophia]  ?  " 

"  I  am  sorry  for  that,  Betty  !  "  quoth  John,  "  I  must  find 
somebody  else  then  !  " 

Then  he  called  John  the  barber. 

"  Before  I  begin,"  quoth  John,  "  I  hope  your  Honour 
won't  be  offended,  if  I  ask  you,  Whether  you  intend  to  alter 
your  Will  ?  If  you  won't  give  me  a  positive  answer,  your 
beard  may  grow  down  to  your  middle,  for  me  1  " 

"  I  gad,  and  so  it  shall !  "  quoth  Bull,  "  for  I  will  never 
trust  my  throat  in  such  a  mad  fellow's  hands !  " 

"  Where  is  Dick  the  butler  ?  " 

"  Look  ye !  "  quoth  Dick,  "  I  am  very  willing  to  serve  you 
in  my  calling,  do  ye  see  !  but  there  are  strange  reports,  and 
plain  dealing  is  best,  do  you  see !  I  must  be  satisfied  if  you 
intend  to  leave  all  to  your  nephew,  and  if  Nic.  Frog  is  still 
your  executor,  do  you  see  !  If  you  will  not  satisfy  me  as  to 
these  points,  do  you  see  !  you  may  drink  with  the  ducks !  * 

"  And  so  I  will !  "  quoth  John,  "  rather  than  keep  a  butler 
that  loves  my  heir  better  than  myself." 

Hob  the  shoemaker  and  Pricket  the  tailor  told  him  that 
they  "  would  most  willingly  serve  him  in  their  several 
stations,  if  he  would  promise  them,  never  to  talk  with  Lewis 
Baboon,  and  let  Nicholas  Frog,  linendraper,  manage  his 
concerns !"  that  they  "could  neither  make  shoes  nor  clothes  to 
any  that  were  not  in  good  correspondence  with  their  worthy 
friend  Nicholas." 

John  Bull.  Call  Andrew  my  journeyman  !  How  go 
affairs,  Andrew  ?  I  hope  the  Devil  has  not  taken  possession 
of  thy  body  too  ! 

Andrew.  No,  Sir!  I  only  desire  to  know,  what  you 
would  do  if  you  were  dead  ? 

John  Bull.  Just  as  other  dead  folks  do,  Andrew  ! 

[Aside.  This  is  amazing 

Andrew.  I  mean  if  your  nephew  shall  inherit  your 
estate  ? 

John  Bull.  That  depends  upon  himself!  I  shall  do 
nothing  to  hinder  him  ! 


partiv'^^fjuiy^?";]  Nottingham's  speech  of  Sorites.    391 

Andrew.   But  will  you  make  it  sure  ? 

John  Bull.  Thou  meanest  that  I  should  put  him  in 
possession  ;  for  I  can  make  no  surer  without  that !  He  has 
all  the  Law  can  give  him  ! 

Andrew.  Indeed,  Possession,  as  you  say,  would  make  it 
much  surer.     They  say  "  it  is  eleven  points  of  the  Law  !  " 

John  began  now  to  think  they  were  all  enchanted.  He 
inquired  about  the  age  of  the  moon  ?  if  Nic.  had  not  given 
them  some  intoxicating  potion  ?  or  if  old  mother  Jenisa 
was  not  still  alive  ? 

"  No,  on  my  faith  ! "  quoth  Harry,  "  I  believe  there  is  no 
potion  in  the  case  but  a  little  auriun  potabile.  You  will 
have  more  of  this,  by  and  by !  " 

He  had  scarce  spoken  the  word,  when,  of  a  sudden,  Don 
Diego,  followed  by  a  great  multitude  of  his  tenants  and 
workpeople,  came  rushing  into  the  room. 

Don  Diego.  Since  those  worthy  persons,  who  are  as  much 
concerned  for  your  safety  as  I  am,  have  employed  me  as  their 
Orator ;  I  desire  to  know  whether  you  will  have  it,  by  way 
of  Syllogism,  Enthymeme  [a  syllogism  drawn  from  probable 
premisses,  and  which  therefore  does  not  pretend  to  be  demonstrative], 
Dilemma  [an  argument  in  which  the  adversary  is  caught  between 
two  difficulties],  or  Sorites  [a  heap  of  syllogisms,  the  conclusion 
of  the  one  forming  the  premiss  of  the  next]. 

John  now  began  to  be  diverted  with  their  extravagance. 

John  Bull.  Let  us  have  a  Sorites,  by  all  means  !  though 
they  are  all  new  to  me  ! 

Don  Diego.  It  is  evident  to  all  that  are  versed  in  history, 
that  there  were  two  sisters  that  played  the  whore  two  thou- 
sand years  ago :  therefore  it  follows,  that  it  is  not  lawful  for 
John  Bull  to  have  any  manner  of  intercourse  with  Lewis 
Baboon.  If  it  is  not  lawful  for  John  Bull  to  have  any  manner 
of  intercourse  (correspondence  if  you  will !  that  is  much  the 
same  thing  !) ;  then,  a  fortiori,  it  is  much  more  unlawful  for 
the  said  John  to  make  over  his  wife  and  children  to  the  said 
Lewis.  If  his  wife  and  children  are  not  to  be  made  over,  he 
is  not  to  wear  a  dagger  and  ratsbane  in  his  pockets.  If  he 
wears  a  dagger  and  a  ratsbane,  it  must  be  to  do  mischief  to 
himself  or  somebody  else.     If  he  intends  to  do  mischief,  he 


392  John  Bull  becomes  a  Politician,  [par/i'^'''"!,^^;,'!',^: 

ought  to  be  under  Guardians :  and  there  are  none  so  fit  as 
myself  and  some  other  worthy  persons,  who  have  a  commis- 
sion for  that  purpose  from  Nic.  Frog,  the  Executor  of  his 
"Will  and  Testament. 

John  Bull.  And  this  is  your  Sorites,  you  say  ! 

With  that,  he  snatched  a  good  oaken  cudgel,  and  began  to 
brandish  it.  Then  happy  was  the  man  that  was  first  at  the 
door  !  Crowding  to  get  out,  they  tumbled  down  stairs  :  and 
it  is  credibly  reported,  some  of  them  dropped  very  valuable 
things  in  the  hurry,  which  were  picked  up  by  others  of  the 
Family. 

"  That  any  of  these  rogues,"  quoth  John,  "  should  imagine, 
I  am  not  as  much  concerned  as  they,  about  having  my  affairs 
in  a  settled  condition  ;  or  that  I  would  wrong  m\-  heir,  for  I 
know  not  what  !  Well,  Nic.  !  I  really  cannot  but  ap- 
plaud thy  diligence  !  I  must  own  this  is  really  a  pretty  sort 
of  a  trick;  but  it  shan't  do  thy  business,  for  all  that  1  " 


CHAPTER    IV. 

How  Lewis  Baboon  came  to  visit  John  Bull,  and  what 
passed  between  them. 

Think  it  is  but  ingenuous  to  acquaint  the  reader, 
that  this  chapter  was  not  written  by  Sir  Humphry 
himself,  but  by  another  very  able  Pen  of  the  Uni- 
versity of  Grub  street. 

John  had,  by  some  good  instructions  that  were  given  him, 
got  the  better  of  his  choleric  temper ;  and  wrought  himself 
up  to  a  great  steadiness  of  mind  to  pursue  his  own  Interest 
through  all  impediments  that  were  thrown  in  the  way.  He 
began  to  leave  off  some  of  his  old  acquaintance,  his  roaring 
and  bullying  about  the  streets.  He  put  on  a  serious  air, 
knitted  his  brows  :  and,  for  a  time,  had  made  a  very  con- 
siderable progress  in  politics  ;  considering  that  he  had  been 
kept  a  stranger  to  his  own  affairs.  However,  he  could  not 
help  discovering  some  remains  of  his  nature,  when  he 
happened  to  meet  with  a  foot-ball,  or  a  match  at  cricket :  for 
which  Sir  Roger  w^as  sure  to  take  him  to  task. 


ik^'lV.^July'lfy'^GPROPOSALS  FROM  FrENCH  GOVERNMENT.  393 

John  was  walking  about  his  room,  with  folded  arms  and  a 
most  thoughtful  countenance,  when  his  servant  brought  him 
word,  that  one  Lewis  Baboon,  below,  wanted  to  speak  with  him. 

John  had  got  an  impression  that  Lewis  was  so  deadly  a 
cunning  a  man,  that  he  was  afraid  to  venture  himself  alone 
with  him.  At  last,  he  took  heart  of  grace.  "  Let  him  come 
up,"  quoth  he,  "  it  is  but  sticking  to  my  point,  and  he  can 
never  overreach  me  !  " 

Lewis  Baboon.  Monsieur  Bull  !  I  will  frankly  acknow- 
ledge that  my  behaviour  to  my  neighbours  has  been  some- 
what uncivil ;  and  I  believe  you  will  readily  grant  me  !  that 
I  have  met  with  usage  accordingly.  I  was  fond  of  backsword 
and  cudgel-play  from  my  youth ;  and  I  now  bear  in  my  body, 
many  a  black  and  blue  gash  and  scar,  God  knows  !  I  had 
as  good  a  warehouse  and  as  fair  possessions  as  any  of  my 
neighbours,  though  I  say  it  !  but  a  contentious  temper, 
flattering  servants,  and  unfortunate  stars,  have  brought  me 
into  circumstances  that  are  not  unknown  to  you. 

These  my  misfortunes  are  heightened  by  domestic  calami- 
ties that  I  need  not  relate.  I  am  a  poor  old  battered  fellow; 
and  I  would  willingly  end  my  days  in  peace  !  But,  alas,  I 
see  but  small  hopes  of  that  !  for  every  new  circumstance 
affords  an  argument  to  my  enemies  to  pursue  their  revenge  1 
Formerly,  I  was  to  be  banged,  because  I  was  too  strong  ; 
and  now,  because  I  am  too  weak  to  resist !  I  am  to  be 
brought  down,  when  too  rich;  and  oppressed,  when  too  poor! 
Nic.  Frog  has  used  me  like  a  scoundrel  !  You  are  a  Gentle- 
man, and  I  freely  put  myself  in  your  hands,  to  dispose  of  me 
as  you  think  fit. 

John  BulL  Look  you.  Master  Baboon  !  as  to  your  usage 
of  your  neighbours,  you  had  best  not  dwell  too  much  upon 
that  chapter  !  let  it  suffice,  at  present,  that  you  have  been 
met  with.  You  have  been  rolling  a  great  stone  uphill  all 
your  life  ;  and,  at  last,  it  has  come  tumbling  down  till  it  is 
like[ly]  to  crush  you  to  pieces. 

Plain  dealing  is  best.  If  you  have  any  particular  mark, 
Monsieur  Baboon  !  whereby  one  may  know  when  you  fib, 
and  when  you  speak  truth  ;  you  had  best  tell  it  me  !  that  one 
may  proceed  accordingly.  But  since,  at  present,  I  know  of 
none  such,  it  is  better  that  you  should  trust  me,  than  that  I 
should  trust  you  ! 


394  Dunkirk,  a  security  for  the  Peace.  [pkrfiv!'^juiy^7«: 

Lewis  Baboon.  I  know  of  no  particular  mark  of  veracity 
amongst  us  Tradesmen,  but  Interest :  and  it  is  manifestly 
mine,  not  to  deceive  you  at  this  time.  You  may  safely  trust 
me,  I  can  assure  you  ! 

John  Bull.  The  trust  I  give  is,  in  short,  this.  I  must 
have  something  in  hand,  before  I  make  the  bargain  ;  and  the 
rest,  before  it  is  concluded. 

Lewis  Baboon.  To  shew  you  I  deal  fairly,  name  your 
something  ! 

John  Bull.  I  need  not  tell  thee,  old  boy!  thou  canst 
guess  ! 

Lewis  Baboon.  Ecclesdown  Castle,  I'll  warrant  you  ! 
because  it  has  been  formerly  in  your  family !  [Dunkirk,  sold 
by  Charles  II.  to  France,  in  1662,  for  3^500,000].  Say  no 
more,  you  shall  have  it  ! 

John  Bull.   I  shall  have  it  to  mine  own  self ! 

Lewis  Baboon.  To  thine  own  self ! 

John  Bull.  Every  wall,  gate,  room,  and  inch  of  Eccles- 
down Castle,  you  say  ! 

Lewis  Baboon.  Just  so  ! 

John  Bull.  Every  single  stone  of  Ecclesdown  Castle  to 
mine  own  self,  speedily! 

Lewis  Baboon.  When  you  please  !  What  need  more 
words  ! 

John  Bull.  But  tell  me,  old  boy !  hast  thou  laid  aside  all 
thy  Equivocals  and  Mentals  [reservations]  in  this  case  ? 

Lewis  Baboon.  There  is  nothing  like  matter  of  fact. 
Seeing  is  believing. 

John  Bull.  Now  thou  talkest  to  the  purpose!  let  us  shake 
hands,  old  boy  !  Let  me  ask  thee  one  question  more  !  What 
hast  thou  to  do  with  the  affairs  of  my  Family,  to  dispose  of 
my  estate,  old  boy? 

Lewis  Baboon.  Just  as  much  as  you  have  to  do  with  the 
affairs  of  Lord  Strutt  ! 

John  Bull.  Ay,  but  my  trade,  my  very  being  was  concerned 
in  that ! 

Lewis  Baboon.  And  my  Interest  was  concerned  in  the 
other.  But  let  us  drop  both  our  pretences !  for  I  believe  it  is 
a  moot  point  whether  I  am  more  likely  to  make  a  Master 
Bull  ;  or  you,  a  Lord  Strutt. 

John  Bull.  Agreed,   old   boy  I    but    then   I   must   have 


PartivI^2uSiy^7i^']  Dutch  efforts  against  the  Peace.  395 

security  that  I  shall  carry  my  broadcloth  to  market,  old 
boy  ! 

Lewis  Baboon.  That  you  shall  !  Ecclesdown  Castle  ! 
Ecclesdown,  remember  that !  Why  wouldst  thou  not  take 
it,  when  it  was  offered  thee,  some  years  ago  ? 

John  Bull.  I  would  not  take  it,  because  they  told  me  thou 
wouldst  not  give  to  me  ! 

Lewis  Baboon.  How  could  Monsieur  Bull  be  so  gross 
abused  by  downright  nonsense  !  They  that  advised  you  to 
refuse,  must  have  believed  I  intended  to  give  !  else  why 
would  they  not  make  the  experiment  ?  But  I  can  tell  you 
more  of  that  matter,  than  perhaps  you  know  at  present. 

John  Bull.  But  what  sayst  thou  as  to  the  Esquire,  Nic. 
Frog,  and  the  rest  of  the  Tradesmen  [the  Allies]  ?  I  must 
take  care  of  them. 

Lewis  Baboon.  Thou  hast  but  small  obligations  to  Nic, 
to  my  certain  knowledge.  He  has  not  used  me  like  a 
Gentleman  ! 

John  Bull.  Nic,  indeed,  is  not  very  nice  in  your  punctilios 
of  ceremony  :  he  is  clownish,  as  a  man  may  say.  Belching 
and  calling  of  names  have  been  allowed  him,  time  out  of 
mind,  by  prescription.  But  however,  we  are  engaged  in 
one  common  cause,  and  I  must  look  after  him. 

Lewis  Baboon.  All  matters  that  relate  to  him  and  the 
rest  of  the  Plaintiffs  in  this  Lawsuit,  I  will  refer  to  youi 
justice ! 

CHAPTER    V. 

Nicholas  Frog's  letter  to  John  Bull;  wherein  he  en- 
deavours to  vindicate  all  his  conduct  with  relation  to  John  Bull 
and  the  Lawsuit. 

Ic.  perceived  now  that  his  cully    [dupe]   had  eloped, 
that  John  intended  henceforth  to  deal   without    a 
broker ;  but    he   was    resolved    to    leave   no    stone 
unturned  to  recover  his  bubble. 
Among   other   artifices,  he  wrote  a   most  obliging  letter, 
which  he  sent  him  printed  in  a  fair  character  [type]. 

Dear  friend, 

When  I  consider  the  late  ill  usage  I  have  met  with  from  you, 


396    Frog's  fair  seeming  letter.  [paniv.'^"fjuiy^7.2: 

/  atn  reflecting,  What  it  was  that  could  provoke  you  to  it  ?  but 
upon  a  narrow  inspection  into  my  cojidtict,  I  can  find  nothing  to 
reproach  myself  with,  but  too  partial  a  concern  for  your  Interest. 
You  no  sooner  set  this  Composition  afoot,  but  I  was  ready  to 
comply,  and  prevented  [anticipated]  your  every  wishes  :  and  the 
Affair  might  have  been  ended  before  now,  had  it  not  been  for  the 
greater  concerns  of  Esquire  South  and  the  other  poor  creatures 
embarked  in  the  same  common  C arise,  whose  safety  touches  me  to 
the  quick. 

You  seemed  a  little  jealous  that  I  had  dealt  unfairly  with  you 
in  money  matters,  till  it  appeared,  by  your  own  accounts,  that 
there  was  something  due  to  me  upon  the  balance. 

Having  nothing  to  answer  to  so  plain  a  demonstration,  you 
began  to  complain  as  if  I  had  been  familiar  with  your  reputation  : 
when  it  is  well  knoitni,  not  only  I,  but  the  meanest  servant  in  my 
family,  talk  of  you  with  the  utmost  respect.  I  have  always,  as  far 
as  in  me  lies,  exhorted  your  servants  and  tenants  to  be  dutiful:  not 
that  I  any  ways  meddle  in  your  domestic  affairs,  which  were  very 
unbecoming  for  me  to  do.  If  some  of  your  servants  express  their 
great  concern  for  you  in  a  manner  that  is  not  so  polite,  you  ought 
to  impute  it  to  their  extraordinary  zeal,  which  deserves  a  reward 
rather  than  a  reproof. 

You  cannot  reproach  me  for  want  of  success  at  the  Salutation; 
since  I  am  not  master  of  the  passions  and  Interests  of  other  folks. 
I  have  beggared  myself  with  this  Lawsuit,  undertaken  merely  in 
complaisance  to  you  !  and,  if  you  would  have  had  but  a  little 
patience,  I  had  greater  things  in  reserve  that  I  intended  to  have 
done  for  you. 

I  hope  what  I  have  said  will  prevail  with  you  to  lay  aside 
your  unreasonable  jealousies;  and  that  we  may  have  no  more 
meetings  at  the  Salutation,  spending  our  time  and  money  to  no 
purpose.  My  concern  for  your  welfare  and  prosperity  almost 
makes  me  mad  !  You  may  be  assured,  I  will  continue  to  be, 
Your  affectionate  friend  and  servant, 

Nicholas  Frog. 

John  received  this  with  a  good  deal  oi  sang  froid. 
"  Trajiseat,"  quoth  John,  "  cum  cceteris  erroribus  !  " 
He  was  now  at  his  ease.     He  saw  he  could  now  make  a 

very  good  bargain  for  himself,  and  a  very  safe  one  for  other 

folks. 


Paniv.'^a'i'juiyY;!^:]    F^OG  ROGUiNG  Esquire  South.    397 

"  My  shirt,"  quoth  he,  "  is  near  me,  but  my  skin  in  nearer  ! 
Whilst  I  take  care  of  the  welfare  of  other  folks,  nobody  can 
blame  me  for  applying  a  little  balsam  to  my  own  sores  !  It 
is  a  pretty  thing,  after  all,  for  a  man  to  do  his  own  business  : 
a  man  has  such  a  tender  concern  for  himself,  there  is  nothing 
like  it  !  This  is  somewhat  better,  I  trow  !  that  for  John 
Bull  to  be  standing  in  the  market  like  a  great  dray  horse, 
with  Frog's  paws  upon  his  head,  '  What  will  ye  give  me  for 
this  beast  ?' 

"  Serviteur  Nic.  Frog  !  though  John  Bull  has  not  read 
your  Aristotles,  Platos,  and  Machiavellis,  he  can  see  as 
far  into  a  millstone  as  another  !  "  With  that,  John  began  to 
chuckle  and  laugh,  till  he  was  hke  to  burst  his  sides. 


CHAPTER    VI. 

The  discourse  that  passed  between  Nicholas  Frog  and 
Esquire  SouTH,  which  jfoHN  BULL  overheard. 

Ohn  thought  every  minute  a  year  till  he  got  into 
Ecclesdown  Castle.  He  repaired  to  the  Sahi- 
tation,  with  a  design  to  break  matter  the  gently 
to  his  partners.  Before  he  entered,  he  overheard 
Nic.  and  the  Esquire  in  a  very  pleasant  conference. 
Esquire  South.  O  the  ingratitude  and  injustice  of  man- 
kind !  That  John  Bull,  whom  I  have  honoured  with  my 
friendship  and  protection  so  long,  should  flinch  at  last ;  and 
pretend  that  he  can  disburse  no  more  money  for  me !  that 
the  family  of  the  Souths,  by  his  sneaking  temper,  should  be 
kept  out  of  their  own  ! 

Nic.  Frog.  An  [if]  it  like  your  Worship  !   I  am  in  amaze 

at  it !   r  think  the  rogue  should  be  compelled  to  do  his  duty 

Esquire  South.  That  he    should    prefer   his   scandalous 

sell,  the  dust  and  dregs  of  the  earth,  to  the  prosperity  and 

grandeur  of  my  family  ! 

Nic.  Frog.  Nay,  he  is  mistaken  there  too!  for  he  would 
quickly  lick  himself  whole  again,  by  his  vails  [tips].  It  is 
strange  he  should  prefer  Lewis  Baboon's  custom  to  Esquire 
South's. 

Esquire  South.  As  you  say,  that  my  clothier,  that  is  to 


398  The  Allies  will  not  have  a  Peace. [pJi^':'^^fj"°,';';f^°; 

get  so  much  by  the  purchase,  should  refuse  to  put  me  in 
possession  !  Did  you  ever  know  any  man's  tradesmen  serve 
him  so  before  ? 

Nic.  Frog.  No,  indeed,  an  it  please  your  Worship  !  it  is 
a  very  unusual  proceeding !  and  I  would  not  have  been  guilty 
of  it  for  the  world  !  If  your  Honour  had  not  a  great  stock 
of  moderation  and  patience,  you  would  not  bear  it  so  well  as 
you  do ! 

Esquire  South.  It  is  most  intolerable,  that  is  certain, 
Nic.  !  and  I  will  be  revenged  ! 

Nic.  Frog.  Methinks,  it  is  strange  that  Philip  Baboon's 
tenants  [the  Spaniards]  do  not  all  take  your  Honour's  part, 
considering  how  good  and  gentle  a  master  you  are  1 

Esquire  South.  True,  Nic.  !  but  few  are  sensible  of  merit 
in  this  world.  It  is  a  great  comfort  to  have  so  faithful  a 
friend  as  thyself  in  so  critical  a  juncture. 

Nic.  Frog.  If  all  the  world  should  forsake  you,  be  assured 
Nic.  Frog  never  will  !  Let  us  stick  to  our  point,  and  we 
will  manage  Bull,  I'll  warrant  ye  ! 

Esquire  South.  Let  me  kiss  thee,  dear  Nic!  I  have 
found  one  honest  man  among  a  thousand  at  last ! 

Nic.  Frog.  If  it  were  possible,  your  Honour  has  it  in  your 
power  to  wed  me  still  closer  to  your  interest  ! 

Esquire  South.  Tell  me  quickly,  dear  Nic.  ! 

Nic.  Frog.  You  know  I  am  your  tenant.  The  difference 
between  my  lease  and  an  inheritance  is  such  a  trifle,  as  I  am 
sure  you  will  not  grudge  your  poor  friend  !  That  will  be  an 
encouragement  to  go  on  !  Besides,  it  will  make  Bull  as 
mad  as  the  Devil.  You  and  I  shall  be  able  to  manage  him 
then,  to  some  purpose  ! 

Esquire  South.  Say  no  more  !  It  shall  be  done,  Nic. ! 
to  thy  heart's  content  ! 

John,  all  this  while,  was  listening  to  this  comical  dialogue ; 
and  laughed  heartily  in  his  sleeve,  at  the  pride  and  simplicity 
of  the  Esquire,  and  the  sly  roguery  of  his  friend  Nic. 

Then,  of  a  sudden,  bolting  into  the  room,  he  began  to  tell 
them  that  he  believed  he  had  brought  Lewis  to  reasonable 
terms,  if  they  would  be  pleased  to  hear  them. 

Then  they  all  bawled  out  aloud,  "No  Composition!  Long 
live  Esquire  South  and  the  Law  !  " 

As  John  was  going  to  proceed,  some  roared,  some  stamped 


p{Vuv"%"Sl;^7-]  Bull  says  "  Us,"  as  Frog  had  done.  399 

with   their  feet,  and   others   stopped   their   ears   with  their 
fingers. 

"Nay,  Gentlemen,"  quoth  John,  "if  you  will  but  stop 
your  proceeding  for  a  while,  you  shall  judge  yourselves 
whether  Lewis's  proposals  are  reasonable. 

All.  Very  fine  indeed !  Stop  proceeding,  and  so  loose  a 
Term  [a  campaign], 

John  Bull.  Not  so,  neither!  We  have  something  by 
way  of  advance.  He  will  put  us  in  possession  of  his  Manor 
and  Castle  of  Ecclesdown. 

Nic.  Frog.  What  dost  thou  talk  of  Us,  thou  meanest 
thyself! 

John  Bull.  When  Frog  took  possession  of  anything,  it 
was  always  said  to  be  for  Us ;  and  why  may  not  John  Bull 
be  Us,  as  well  as  Nic.  Frog  was  Us  ?  I  hope  John  Bull  is 
no  more  confined  to  Singularity  than  Nic.  Frog  !  or  take  it 
so,  the  constant  doctrine  that  Thou  hast  preached  up,  for 
many  years,  was  that  thou  and  I  are  One  ;  and  why  must 
we  be  supposed  Two  in  this  case,  that  were  always  One 
before?  It  is  impossible  thou  and  I  can  fall  out,  Nic!  we 
must  trust  one  another  !  I  have  trusted  thee  with  a  great 
many  things ;  prithee,  trust  me  with  this  one  trifle  ! 

Nic.  Frog.  That  principle  is  true  in  the  main ;  but  there 
is  some  speciality  in  this  case  that  makes  it  highly  incon- 
venient for  us  both. 

John  Bull,  Those  are  your  jealousies,  that  common 
enemies  sow  between  us.  How  often  hast  thou  warned  me 
of  those  rogues,  Nic.  !  that  would  make  us  mistrustful  of  one 
another  ? 

Nic.  Frog.  This  Ecclesdown  Castle  is  only  a  bone  of 
contention  ! 

John  Bull.  It  depends  upon  you  to  make  it  so  !  For  my 
part,  I  am  as  peaceable  as  a  lamb. 

Nic.  Frog.  But  do  you  consider  the  unwholesomeness  of 
the  air  and  soil,  the  expenses  of  reparations  and  servants  !  I 
would  scorn  to  accept  of  such  a  quagmire  ! 

John  Bull.  You  are  a  great  man,  Nic.  !  but  in  my 
circumstances,  I  must  be  even  content  to  take  it  as  it  is. 

Nic  Frog.  And  are  you  really  so  silly  as  to  believe  the  old 
cheating  rogue  will  give  it  you! 

John  Bull.  I  believe  nothing  but  matter  of  fact.  I  stand 
and  fall  by  that !     I  am  resolved  to  put  him  to  it. 


400  Frog's  devices  to  move  John  Bull.  [pa/ttv^^i^juiV^y": 

Nic.  Frog.  And  so  relinquish  the  hopefullest  Cause  in 
the  world  !  a  claim  that  will  certainly,  in  the  end,  make  thy 
fortune  for  ever  ! 

John  Bull.  Wilt  thou  purchase  it,  Nic.  ?  Thou  shalt  have 
a  bumping  pennyworth  !  Nay,  rather  than  we  should  differ, 
I'll  give  thee  something  to  take  it  off  my  hands  ! 

Nic.  Frog.  If  thou  wouldst  but  moderate  that  hasty  im- 
patient temper  of  thine,  thou  shouldst  quickly  see  a  better 
thing  than  all  that  !  What  shouldst  thou  think  to  find  old 
Lewis  turned  out  of  his  paternal  estates  and  mansion  house 
of  Clay  Pool  [Paris]  ?  Would  not  that  do  thy  heart  good, 
to  see  thy  old  friend  Nic.  Frog,  Lord  of  Clay  Pool  ?  Then 
thou  and  thy  wife  and  children  shall  walk  in  my  gardens,  buy 
toys,  drink  lemonade ;  and  now  and  then  we  should  have  a 
country  dance. 

John  Bull.  I  love  to  be  plain.  I'd  as  lief  see  myself  in 
Ecclesdown  Castle,  as  thee  in  Clay  Pool !  I  tell  you  again, 
Lewis  gives  this  as  a  pledge  of  his  sincerity :  if  you  won't 
stop  proceeding,  to  hear  him,  I  will  1 


CHAPTER    VII. 

The  rest  of  Nicholas's  fetches  to  keep  John  out  of  Eccles- 
down Castle. 

Hen  Nic.  could  not  dissuade  John  by  argument,  he 
tried  to  move  his  pity.  He  pretended  to  be  sick  and 
likely  to  die ;  that  he  should  leave  his  wife  and 
children  in  a  starving  condition,  if  John  did  abandon 
him  ;  that  he  was  hardly  able  to  crawl  after  such  a  trouble- 
some business  as  this  Lawsuit :  and  therefore  begged  that  his 
good  friend  would  not  leave  him  ! 

When  he  saw  that  John  was  still  inexorable,  he  pulled  out 
a  case-knife,  with  which  he  used  to  sneaker-snee;  and  threatened 
to  cut  his  own  throat.  Thrice  he  aimed  the  knife  to  his 
windpipe  with  a  most  determined  threatening  air.  "  What 
signifies  life  !  "  quoth  he,  "  in  this  languishing  condition  ?  It 
will  be  some  pleasure  that  my  friends  will  revenge  my  death 
upon  this  barbarous  man,  that  has  been  the  cause  of  it !  " 
All  this  while,  John  looked  sedate  and  calm,  neither  offering 


p^niY'^^]uiy^7?J  Bull  struggles  to  protect  Baboon.  401 

in  the  least  to  snatch  the  knife,  nor  stop  his  blow ;  trusting 
to  the  tenderness  Nic.  had  for  his  own  person. 

When  he  perceived  that  John  was  immoveable  in  his  pur- 
pose, he  applied  himself  to  Lewis. 

"  Art  thou,"  quoth  he,  "  turned  bubble  [a  deluder]  in  thy 
old  age,  from  being  a  sharper  in  thy  youth  ?  What  occasion 
hast  thou  to  give  up  Ecclesdown  Castle  to  John  Bull  ?  his 
friendship  is  not  worth  a  rush  !  Give  it  me,  and  I'll  make  it 
worth  thy  while  !  If  thou  dislikest  that  proposition,  keep  it 
thyself !  I  had  rather  thou  shouldst  have  it,  than  he !  If 
thou  hearkenest  not  to  my  advice,  take  what  follows.  Esquire 
South  and  I  will  go  on  with  the  Lawsuit  in  spite  of  John 
Bull's  teeth  !  " 

Lewis  Baboon.  Monsieur  Bull  has  used  me  like  a  Gentle- 
man !  and  I  am  resolved  to  make  good  my  promise,  and  trust 
him  for  the  consequences. 

Nic.  Frog.  Then  I  tell  thee  thou  art  an  old  doating  fool  ! 

With  that,  Nic.  bounced  up  with  a  spring  equal  to  that  of 
one  of  your  nimblest  tumblers  or  rope  dancers,  falls  foul  upon 
John  Bull  to  snatch  the  cudgel  he  had  in  his  hand,  that  he 
might  thwack  Lewis  with  it.  John  held  it  fast,  so  that  there 
was  no  wrenching  it  from  him.  At  last  Esquire  South 
buckled  to,  to  assist  his  friend  Nic. 

John  hauled  on  one  side,  and  they  two  on  the  other. 
Sometimes  they  were  like  to  pull  John  over :  then  it  went, 
all  of  a  sudden,  again  on  John's  side.  So  they  went  see- 
sawing up  and  down,  from  one  end  of  the  room  to  the  other. 
Down  tumbled  the  tables,  bottles,  glasses,  and  tobacco  pipes. 
The  wine  and  the  tobacco  were  all  spilt  about  the  room ;  and 
the  little  fellows  were  almost  trod  under  foot  :  till  more  of  the 
Tradesmen  [.^//zVs]  joining  with  Nic.  and  the  Esquire,  John 
was  hardly  able  to  pull  against  them  all.  Yet  he  never  quitted 
hold  of  his  trusty  cudgel ;  which  by  the  contranitent  force  of 
two  so  great  Powers  broke  short  in  his  hands. 

Nic.  seized  the  longer  end,  and  with  it  began  to  bastinado 
old  Lewis:  who  had  slank  into  a  corner,  waiting  the  event 
of  this  squabble.  Nic.  came  up  to  him  with  an  insolent, 
menacing  air ;  so  that  the  old  fellow  was  forced  to  scuttle  out 
of  the  room,  and  retire  behind  a  dung-cart.  He  called  to 
Nic.  "Thou  insolent  jackanapes!  Time  was  when  thou 
durst  not  have  used  me  so!     Thou  now  takest  me  unprovided, 

2C  3 


402  England  should  make  a  separate  Peace!  [p{vfj^'j"j"°^: 

but  old  and  infirm  as  I  am,  I  shall  find  a  weapon,  by  and  by, 
to  chastise  thy  impudence  !  " 

When  John  Bull  had  recovered  his  breath,  he  began  to 
parley  with  Nic.  "  Friend  Nic. !  I  am  glad  to  find  thee  so 
strong  after  thy  great  complaints  !  Really  thy  motions,  Nic. ! 
are  pretty  vigorous  for  a  consumptive  man  !  As  for  thy 
worldly  affairs,  Nic.  !  if  it  can  do  thee  any  service,  I  freely 
make  over  to  thee  this  profitable  Lawsuit;  and  I  desire  all  these 
Gentlemen  to  bear  witness  to  this  my  act  and  deed,  yours  be 
all  the  gain  !  as  mine  have  been  the  charges.  I  have  brought 
it  to  bear  finely  !  However,  all  I  have  laid  out  upon  it  goes 
for  nothing ;  thou  shalt  have  it  with  all  its  appurtenances  !  I 
ask  nothing  but  leave  to  go  home  ! 

Nic.  Frog.  The  Counsel  are  fee-ed,  and  all  things  prepared 
for  a  trial :  thou  shalt  be  forced  to  stand  the  issue  !  It  shall 
be  pleaded  in  thy  name  as  well  as  mine  !  Go  home,  if  thou 
canst !  The  g^tes  are  shut,  the  turnpikes  locked,  and  the 
roads  ha.Trica.6.oeu' [j^^iitch  refusal  to  admit  English  goods  in  the 
district  of  the  Barrier  towns] . 

John  Bull.  Even  these  very  ways,  Nic. !  that  thou  toldest 
me,  "  were  as  open  to  me  as  thyself !  "  If  I  can't  pass  with 
my  own  equipage,  what  can  I  expect  for  my  goods  and 
waggons  ?  I  am  denied  passage  through  those  very  grounds, 
that  I  have  purchased  with  my  own  money  !  However,  I 
am  glad  I  have  made  the  experiment,  it  may  serve  me  in  some 
stead. 

John  Bull  was  so  overjoyed  that  he  was  going  to  take 
possession    of    Ecclesdown,    that    nothing   could    vex    him, 
"  Nic.  !  "  quoth  he,  "  I  am  just  going  to  leave  thee  !  cast  a 
kind  look  upon  me  at  parting  !  " 
■    Nic.  looked  sour  and  glum,  and  would  not  open  his  mouth. 

John  Bull.  I  wish  thee  all  the  success  that  thy  heart  can 
desire  !  and  that  these  Gentlemen  of  the  long  robe  may  have 
their  bellyful  of  Law  ! 

Nic.  could  stand  it  no  longer;  but  flang  out  of  the  room 
with  disdain,  and  beckoned  the  lawyers  to  follow  him. 

John  Bull.  Bye  !  bye,  Nic. !  Not  one  poor  smile  at  part- 
ing !  Won't  you  like  to  shake  you  day-day,  Nic.  ?  Bye, 
Nic! 

With  that,  John  marched  out  of  the  common  road,  across 
the  country,  to  take  possession  of  Ecclesdown. 


Par/ivf^'afjuiy^?".']  The  DELIGHT  OF  HAVING  Dunkirk.  403 


CHAPTER    VIII. 

Of  the  great  joy  that  John  expressed  when  he  got  possession  of 
Ecclesdown. 

I  Hen  John  had  got  into  his  Castle,  he  seemed  like 
Ulysses  upon  his  plank,  after  he  had  been  well 
soused  in  cold  water ;  who,  as  Homer  says,  was  as 
glad  as  a  Judge  going  to  sit  down  to  dinner,  after 
hearing  a  long  cause  upon  the  Bench.  I  dare  say  John 
Bull's  joy  was  equal  to  that  of  either  of  the  two.  He 
skipped  from  room  to  room,  ran  upstairs  and  downstairs, 
from  the  kitchen  to  the  garrets,  and  from  the  garrets  to  the 
kitchen.  He  peeped  into  every  cranny.  Sometimes  he  ad- 
mired the  beauty  of  the  architecture,  and  the  vast  solidity  of 
the  mason's  work :  at  other  times,  he  »-v.x..... ended  the  sym- 
metry and  proportion  of  the  rooms.  He  walked  about  the 
gardens.  He  bathed  himself  in  the  Canal ;  swimming,  diving, 
and  beating  the  liquid  element,  like  a  milk-white  swan.  The 
hall  resounded  with  the  sprightly  violin  and  the  martial 
hautboy.  The  Family  tripped  it  about,  and  capered  like  hail- 
stones bounding  from  a  marble  floor.  Wine,  Ale,  and 
October  [beer]  flew  about  as  plentifully  as  kennel-water. 


Then  a  frolic  took  John  in  the  head,  to  call  up  some  of  Nic. 
P'rog's  pensioners  [the  Whigs],  that  had  been  so  mutinous  in 
his  Family. 

John  Bull.  Are  you  glad  to  see  your  master  in  Eccles- 
down Castle  ? 

All.  Yes,  indeed.  Sir  ! 

John  Bull.  Extremely  glad  ? 

All.   Extremely  glad  ! 

John  Bull.  Swear  to  me  that  ye  are  so ! 

Then  they  began  to  sink  their  souls  to  the  lowest  pit  of 
hell,  if  any  person  in  the  world  rejoiced  more  than  they  did  ! 

John  Bull.  Now,  hang  me  !  if  I  don't  believe  you  are  a 
parcel  of  perjured  rascals  !  However,  take  this  bumper  of 
October,  to  your  master's  health ! 


404  Holland  alone,  may  be  hurt  by  France!  [p{n^v':"i7°2''. 

Then  John  got  upon  the  battlements  ;  and  looking  over,  he 
called  to  Nic.  Frog  : 

"  How  do  you  do,  Nic.  !  Do  you  see  where  I  am,  Nic.  ? 
I  hope  the  Cause  goes  on  swimmingly,  Nic.  !  When  dost 
thou  intend  to  go  to  Clay  Pool,  Nic.  ?  Wilt  thou  buy  there 
some  high-heads  of  the  newest  cut,  for  my  daughters  ?  How 
comest  thou  to  go  with  thy  arm  tied  up  ?  Has  old  Lewis 
given  thee  a  rap  over  the  finger  ends  ?  Thy  weapon  was  a  good 
one  when  I  wielded  it ;  but  the  butt  end  remains  for  my 
hands.  I  am  so  busy  in  packing  up  my  goods,  that  I  have 
no  time  to  talk  with  thee  any  longer  !  It  would  do  thy  heart 
good,  to  see  what  waggon  loads  I  am  preparing  for  market ! 
If  thou  wantest  any  good  office  of  mine ;  for  all  that  has 
happened,  I  will  use  thee  well,  Nic.  !     Bye,  Nic.  !  " 

*^*  John  Bull's  thanks  to  Sir  Roger,  and  Nic.  Frog's 
malediction  upon  all  shrews,  the  original  catise  of  his  misfortunes, 
are  reserved  for  the  next  volttme. 

FINIS. 


C. 


UNIVERSITY  j 


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